C.K. Edwards's Blog, page 19

Daily Ambivalence - Live and Let Die

I saw a list of greatest James Bond theme songs and the theme from Octopussy was high on the list and Live and Let Die was low on the list.

I think this is an outrage and I intend . . . okay, let me just dial back for a second and say - what the hell were the sensors thinking when they let the title Octopussy pass? It's not rocket science, you break that title up and it basically says eight . . . were there eight girls in that movie?

I remember there being two girls, and wasn't one of them queen of a bunch of Amazon girls? But then the title still doesn't make sense. I've identified two girls and if there were Amazons then there were probably more than just six other girls. Think about it, there had to be more than just six girls if they were Amazons. The Amazon is huge. Amazon the company is huge too, so either way.

And speaking of Amazon, I bought a book the other day and it hasn't arrived in the mail yet. With all this uproar over Live and Let Die being so low on the list and Octopussy being high on the list, I wonder if I used the wrong Amazon when I ordered the book. I should never have seen either of those movies.

Live and Let Die . . . eh.

There was that dream where I only had 10 minutes to get dressed

There was that dream where I only had 10 minutes to get dressed but all I owned was a pair of basketball shorts from the 70s so I called my old gym teacher, who we call Smokin Joe back then, on the phone but he was in the middle of a jock check which is when a gym teacher makes the boys pull down their shorts to prove they wore their jock that day because it's important for boys to . . . actually I'm not really clear on the whole jock check rationale, but to each his own, and time was running out so I picked up the 70s basketball shorts as I ran and put them on two legs at a time just to spite people whole like old sayings but in the process I tripped and impaled myself on a pair a scissors.

My cat Boris

Cats are probably smarter than dogs, though I don't mean to make this post about that.

I let my cat Boris in this morning from doing whatever he does at night. It's raining outside and as he strolled in I thought about how a dog would stop and shake and get everything wet, but like I said, Boris just strolled in.

I put out some food for Boris and pet him on the head once (he doesn't like people touching him), and he was pretty wet. I then put out a little saucer of milk diluted with water and noticed that he kind of turned his nose up at that this morning. Which I suppose means he isn't thirsty.

Or maybe he just knows he's going to get a full drink of water as he cleans himself off this morning. There's something so practical about that. Not really circle of life crap, but kind of in keeping with today's reduce, reuse, recycle ethic. Pretty smart . . .

Yeah, I just went and checked on Boris. He got up on my bed and rolled around on the cover until he was dry. Stupid cat.

It's been a long time since I posted

"I don't owe you guys nothing!"

Is what I said the other day to those firemen who pulled me out of the burning building when they asked me to meet them for lunch. I got the feeling they expected me to pay.

I mean, call me ungrateful but they were just doing what they get paid to do, right? Lunch for 8 guys would have run a hundred bucks. Maybe more.

Money doesn't grow on trees. I'm just sayin.

Shadow and Shade/Chapter 12-2

This is a reading of Chapter 12-2 of the first book in my fantasy trilogy.

Without Mother Without Father trilogy
The book Shadow and Shade

I will release one of these each week on Friday until I have read the entire series. 54 weeks in all, I think. I hope you enjoy.

Daily Ambivalence - baby carrots

A few years from now, when it's the end of the world and dogs and cats are living together, it won't surprise me at all if the reason it came falling down around us isn't because I Came in Like a Wrecking Ball will probably be played on a classic rock station some day, or because the next president accidentally pushes the red button in the middle of a game of Candy Crush, but because we can't even wait for carrots to fully mature before we eat them.

Baby carrots . . . eh.

Shadow and Shade/Chapter 12-1

This is a reading of Chapter 12-1 of the first book in my fantasy trilogy.

Without Mother Without Father trilogy
The book Shadow and Shade

I will release one of these each week on Friday until I have read the entire series. 54 weeks in all, I think. I hope you enjoy.

Once my daughter brought home a cat she got at Walmart

I don't even remember what we called that cat. We had it for a couple weeks and then it ran away. I didn't mourn.

I always feel bad when I excise a portion of a story from a novel I am writing. I can tell when I have to. I'll be chugging along on the story and then for a week or two I won't hardly be able to write a word. That's my computer screen telling me I've gone down a wrong path.

I am all for the whole write so many words a day rule. I buy into that maxim wholeheartedly, but I also  think you have to listen to the story when it tells you that you are starting to make it suck. I say this because I might be at a part in the novel I am currently writing where it is telling me I'm an idiot. I'm not sure yet, but I might have to backtrack and cut some stuff I have written.

I always cut/paste this stuff into another document and then save it in the same folder labeled didn't make the cut. It's interesting to go back to this once the novel is finished and wonder what if. I'm always glad I listened to the story. I've taken some drastic turns as a result of these deletions and I've never regretted it.

Still, it's sad to revisit story threads that could have been but never will. They seem sad.

Daily Ambivalence - the "t" is right next tot he "r" on the QWERTY keyboard

I think it's wrong when people accuse you of being obstinate or prideful just because one key on a keyboard gets pressed instead of another.
Someone offers me a potawto chip,
I'd totally eat it. Wouldn't hesitate.
If you press a "t" twice instead of an "r" and spell sotty instead of sorry, doesn't that basically mean the same thing? It's just a potato/potawto kind of thing.

Look, if you squint your eyes those two words almost look like the same word.
Seems to me the only time it really pays to be precise is when you're forging lotto tickets. Other than that I'm all for free expression and creativity.
The "t" is right next to the "r" on the QWERTY keyboard , , , eh.

Beating dead horses

Ok, this is kind of like beating a dead horse but my friend from last week said I still never said I'm sorry.

So, just like last week I went back and reviewed the post in question. And it's true. I didn't say I'm sorry when I said something mean like everyone is stupid except for me.

What I'd like to know is why she even thinks I'm the one who wrote that particular post in the first place? It's not outside the realm of possibility that someone knows my password (12345 for anyone who wants to know) and they logged on and wrote the post themselves.

But I'm not afraid to say I'm sorry even if I haven't done anything wrong. It's no big deal. I don't feel like I need to but I will just to prove that I'm a man.

To everyone who was offended because a post that is loosely tied to my name said they were stupid . . . I'm sotty.