C. Nzingha Smith's Blog, page 5

Five Celibacy Tips: Staying the Course

Celibacy is a lifestyle choice. A difficult one that requires tremendous focus, discipline and self-control. However, living a celibate lifestyle is doable and highly rewarding. When you make the decision to become celibate it means you also have to change your lifestyle habits if you want to remain celibate and have a successful experience. The flesh is
weak and if you can limit putting yourself in situations where the temptation
is higher, you should. Not dating during your time of celibacy, however, I feel is a disservice
to the experience. How can you grow in faith and dependence on God, if you
don't have opportunities to seek him when you are weak? It's easy to be celibate
when there is no temptation present. It is much more challenging and rewarding to grow
and mature in your decision by resisting the temptation whenever it occurs. It can be done. It's
being done and it is an extremely beneficial experience, if you stay the course
and know why you are doing it. By God's grace you will be able to stay with it. One day at a time. Celebrate all small
victories! Here are five tips to help you successfully stay on your celibacy journey to the end.



Five Tips to Stay Celibate:
1.) Stay connected to God and ask Him for help when you are tempted.
2.) Be serious when you make the decision and don't try, decide and hold yourself
accountable. Setting goals and being deliberate about your decision will make the experience much more meaningful.
3.) Don't put yourself in situations which make it harder for you to resist the
temptation.
4.) If you fall off, get back on track. Ask for forgiveness and don't beat yourself
up if you fall off.
5.) Be truthful with yourself and God about your feelings and desires.




With Love & Gratitude,

~C. Nzingha
C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love 101: A Refresher Course

Photo Courtesy of your-lifestyleonline.com 






It’s back to school season and while the kids are loading up on notebooks, pens, crayons, and pencils, I thought it would be a perfect time for us to revisit school ourselves. How about a quick refresher course on love? With the world growing colder with each passing day, sometimes we need to be reminded about ways in which we can enhance and grow the love that we presently have in our lives or attract new love to us. In order to do this, we need to have some fundamental understanding about what love is and what love isn’t. We also need to build up our love vocabulary, so we can verbally communicate our love effectively. However, when words aren’t enough, we need to have practical ways to show our love through affection and physical acts. Show and tell in love is a powerful combination. So let’s pretend we’re in school and the subject we must pass is Love 101.






After all, how can we profess love for someone if we have no idea what it means to love? You don’t need to be a genius, but you do need to be willing to learn and try new things out with practical application to see what works for you and your loved ones. Love is not a generic, one-size-fit all experience. Love should be tailor made to fit each individual relationship. Learning how to evolve in love is also crucial. I still make mistakes because I’m still learning and growing personally as an individual, but I’m determined to leave my mark of love on the people who I’m blessed to encounter. It’s very important for the people around me to feel loved by me. So, I will forever be a student of love. So, let’s get started. Class is now in session at Love U ! Patch Adams said it best, “Imagine if we taught Love in schools as a subject like math…what a different world we would live in.” Yes Patch I do agree! So here goes.



Love Defined

Thefreedictionary.com defines love (n.) to mean: 1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. 2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. Love (v.) means: 1. To have an intense emotional attachment to 2. To embrace or caress. 3. To like or desire enthusiastically 4. To thrive on; need: Love (v.intr.)1. To experience deep affection or intense desire for another.



Love is subjective and is shown and interpreted in as many ways as there are people and animals on the planet. Love is demonstrated in some of the following actions; kindness, respect, consideration, a decision, hard work, friendship, communication and sharing, affection, honesty, responsibility, vulnerability, trust, action, emotional attachment and the list can go on and on.



Love isn’t violence, abuse, selfishness, pain, jealously, possessiveness, hurtful actions, doing harm to someone, dependency, manipulation, deceit, the physical act of sex without emotional attachment, and this list too is endless, but you get the picture. Love is not self-seeking and it is not a weapon used to inflict pain upon someone. Anyone who says otherwise is lying and is not seeking to love, but to harm and destroy. Love doesn’t tear down, it builds up.



So now that our foundation for love has been laid, we can build upon it by developing our love vocabulary. In the next course of Love U we will start with the basics of building our love vocabulary! Until then, share with me some of your personal definitions of love?



With Love & Gratitude,

~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Unequally Yoked: Part I

According to Dictionary.com yoke means; to be paired or joined together with another. Another definition states; to couple or attach to by a yoke. You might be familiar with the scripture instructing Christians not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. The New International Version states; “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” II Corinthians 6:14 


The yoke keeps two animals fastened together in the case of farming. When two animals are of equal strength, they are able to plow a straight line and carry an equal and light load. However, if the animals are not of equal strength, the line will be crooked and one animal will carry a heavier load than the other, labor more, and be held back to the pace of the slower, weaker animal. Taking this analogy and looking at the divorce rates among believers and non-believers alike, it might be safe to say; there are a whole lot of people who have hitched themselves up to unequal partners, and have buckled under the strain of carrying the heavier load. It might also be safe to say, why opposites may attract, sustaining a balanced relationship after the euphoria of the honeymoon stage has ended, might prove difficult because ultimately the two are in fact opposites, e.g. a pig and a snake. Living life and coexisting are made much more difficult because their fundamental needs will be different in order for both to survive and thrive.




Looking at the scripture and taking a more worldly view, unequally yoked is often associated with education, income, material possessions, and classism. Most women don’t want to date and later marry men who haven’t achieved the same or higher level of education, who don’t make the same amount of money and who don’t have the same pedigree and background they have. While men have their own standards which differ from women, but are based primarily on surface and superficial needs as well. We’ll dig deeper into this in Part II.



So, what does being unequally yoked really mean? I’m not a bible scholar and for the purchases of this blog I’m using the scripture as a basis to enter into conversation about how this relates to our lives right now, and why it is so important for our ultimate happiness, but for reasons we might not have considered before, that go beyond religion. Unequally yoked, I believe is something that has to be discerned directly from God in each individual situation. We are all wired differently and our core needs are fundamentally different as a result. I have had countless frustrating conversations with friends and colleagues about what I interpreted as having to “settle” with someone who I felt wasn’t necessarily equally yoked with me.



Then I got into conversation with God about it and asked Him to reveal me to myself. Recently He did and the result is I learned about His original intent for me and what makes up the core of who I am. He started by revealing to me that my view and perspective had been corrupted my false ideals of things I fundamentally didn’t really care about, but was being programmed to hold in esteem. I’ve never been preoccupied with money, fame, success or material things. Does it mean that I don’t want to live well and be able to afford to? No. It means that this doesn’t have anything to do with how I should be measuring someone’s value as it relates to my marrying them. I was reminded of the reasons why certain relationships I explored were great, but weren’t meant to end in marriage. He also opened up my eyes and let me take a look into how He created me to tick and this help to shed further light on decisions I’ve made in my relationships.



The two that are equally yoked are a good match because they possess equal strength, their maturity levels are in sync, their core characteristics are essentially the same and fundamentally complimentary. I interpret unequally yoked having more to do with our differing in core fundamental values and beliefs than it does to do with religious denominations, faith, and anything else that can be influenced by outside elements. Denominations change, faith increases and decreases, being on fire for God, church attendance, etc are all subject to change, and shouldn’t be the basis of making a lifelong commitment of love because they won’t be strong enough to sustain it. Just because people go to church and act religious doesn’t mean they are fit to be yoked with either. It’s much deeper than that.



No wonder so many people are unhappy in their relationships; they are going off of the inaccurate measurements of someone else’s needs. You don’t know who you are from the inside out until you seek God’s revelation. He is your creator and knows how He made you and what your lasting needs and cares will be. Again, who we are at the core reveals how we should measure our relationships and who will be equally yoked as a result. As Christians we should be seeking God out for revelation on who we are, so we can weed out the unequally yoked. However, Christians are using the same screening standards as the world? These measuring standards are detrimental to our relationships with God, ourselves and each other. What measuring standards you ask as if you don’t already know the answer. Stay tuned for Part II of Unequally Yoked.



With Love & Gratitude,

~C. Nzingha






C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Let Our Scars Fall In Love

Photo Courtesy of Catherine Pain


“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have. I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. Let our scars fall in love.” Galway Kinnell



I used to think that I had to wait until I had it all together before I would be ready to settle down and entertain the idea of getting married. A dear male [married] friend of mine told me in a conversation once, “to purposefully not be all the way together and to not let this hinder me from exploring mature love with someone.” I was totally perplexed at the thought of purposefully leaving some things undone to be worked out until after I met my Mr. Bliss. He explained a bit further, saying, “I should leave some room to get assistance and input from my other whole.” He assured me that I didn’t need to be perfect and that it is meant for my mate to help me along on my life journey. The thought at first terrified me. Like the image illustrates, I felt like if I let anyone truly in, he would see my scars, war wounds, bullet holes, everything, and this would as a result make me less desirable to him.
I’ve learned it’s important to let the people we love and who want to love us in return have the opportunity to see us undone. Who are we kidding? We all have been through hell and back, sometimes willingly, others have been pulled by their hair, kicking and screaming, what remains are the scars that help tell our stories. Believe it or not, beauty can be found in our scars and when a man or woman loves you, it’s often the scars that reveal your inner workings and gives them more reason to want to love you the way you deserve to be loved. When I read this quote, particularly the last line, “let our scars fall in love,” it had sort of a soothing effect on me and gave me a refreshing of peace. I said to myself, “yes!” Someone else gets it and I don’t have to attempt to be perfect in order to be loved perfectly and completely. We no longer need to seek to be perfect or give off the façade of perfection as it only leads to resentment, deceit and possible unhappiness for you or the person you’ve managed to temporarily fool. We can relax and be less paranoid about the other person “finding us out,” when we willingly open up (after qualifying they belong in our personal space) and let them in. Being open and transparent about the scars we have and what caused them, will afford us the opportunity to compare notes and see that this is another source of healing, another way we can bound, fall in love and remain there. We don’t fall in love with people based off of ideals, theory or surface perfection; we fall in love with their character, their hearts and the things that make up who they really are at the core. Our scars are a part of us and have added to our character and have helped to shape the things that are lovable about us.

Showing your scars however, doesn't mean you use your past hurt and pain to continue the cycle of hurting people. It doesn't mean you operate as a nut job and go around seeking sympathy based off of what you’ve been through or that you entrust all of yourself to people who haven’t qualified to be in that territory. What it means, is you’ve taken the time and necessary measures to deal with those war wounds of life; failed relationships, heartbreak, abuse, and everything else life has thrown at you that you’ve managed to heal from. Scars only form after the wound has been treated and is healing or has already healed up. A scar will not form if the wound is still open. So, knowing we’ve all been wounded and every person we will ever encounter in our lives, romantic or otherwise has also been wounded at some point, this should cause us to treat each other with more care and kindness. We deserve to have someone fall in love with who we are, not who we pretend to be. Beauty can be birthed out of ruin. Love is beautiful and covers the scars with the beauty it reflects.

None of us is perfect, so looking for perfection in others only sets us up to be chronically disappointed (trust me I know!). We should be seeking to find the opportunity to discover and fall in love with the scars of others. This is healthy and while I might of used different words to illustrate the point of “the right kind of wrong.” Ultimately we have to allow room for the person who wants to love us to make the decision (a now informed one) to love us past our scars of healed pain and vice versa. This is a very good thing by the way. He or she will be fulfilling one of their purposes in our lives and we will reap the benefits as well. It is a win/win.C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Exciting News...Why It Pays to Get Up an Eighth Time!

Photo Courtesy of La Muse Inn




Recently,
I made the decision to quit my life. I didn’t admit this to myself aloud or to
anyone else, but I felt defeated and what does a person do when they feel
defeated, alone, and hopeless? They lie down to die. I wasn’t suicidal or
anything. I had just spruced up my corporate resume because I had big plans on
going back to the world of walking zombies, who are paid well and absolutely
miserable and unfulfilled on all other levels (if this doesn’t apply to you,
disregard). For me, this was the equivalent of dying. “Why quit your life?” you
ask. The truth is to rationalize my unconscious decision. I was claiming to be
realistic. The last twenty-four months have been absolutely hellish for me. A
bunch of highs and lows (more lows than highs) and my capacity to handle
another blow had already reached its limit. Cracks were beginning to form under
the weight of one disappointment after the other. Life was beating the hell out
of me, every since I made the decision to step out on faith and live out my
dream and life as a writer. Time has been passing me by without any real
evidence of forward progress in the monetary form. Read More

C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: Gerald G. May

Living in Love



“There is a desire within each of us,

in the deep center of ourselves 

that we call our heart.

We were born with it, 

it is never completely satisfied,

and it never dies.

We are often unaware of it, 

but it is always awake.



It is the Human desire for Love.

Every person in this Earth yearns to love,

to be loved, to know love.

Our true identity, our reason for being

is to be found in this desire.




Love is the "why" of life,

why we are functioning at all.

I am convinced

it is the fundamental energy 

of the human spirit.

the fuel on which we run,

the wellspring of our vitality.



And grace, 

which is the flowing,

creative activity, of love itself,

is what makes all goodness possible.



Love should come first,

it should be the beginning of,

and the reason for everything.” 

-Gerald G. MayC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: Kahlil Gibran

An excerpt from, Le Prophète



“When love beckons to you follow him, 

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him, 

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. 

And when he speaks to you believe in him, 

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. 

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. 

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, 

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......




But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, 

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, 

Into the season-less world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, 

but not all of your tears. 

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.



Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; 

For love is sufficient unto love. 

And think not you can direct the course of love, 

if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself."



But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: 

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. 

To know the pain of too much tenderness. 

To be wounded by your own understanding of love; 

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.” 

-Kahlil GibranC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: Bob Marley

Untitled



“Only once in your life, I truly believe, 

you find someone who can completely turn your world around. 

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul 

and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. 

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, 

goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. 

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, 

knowing they will share in your excitement. 

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting 

or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. 

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather 

they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. 

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition 


but only a quiet calmness when they are around. 

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you 

because they love you for who you are. 

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, 

song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. 

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. 

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. 

Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. 

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work 

and always brings a smile to your face. 

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, 

but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. 

Things that never interested you before become fascinating 

because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. 

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. 

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, 

gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. 

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day

and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. 

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure 

that’s so real it scares you. 

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate 

who will remain loyal to the end. 

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. 

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

― Bob MarleyC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: C.C. Malachi the Poet

Music Must Be a Woman

(Click on the links to hear the referenced songs!)



You
must be a 24 LP double disk album

-the box set collection-

Cause inspiration flows through the ears

the quickest route to the brain, next to oral

-the visual doesn't count cause I can see you with Steve Wonder eyes’-

and the radio has been singing your story since Sunday
We've been past the first set of 3’s and I’m just waiting on 3 lifetimes to hit

I want you in every way possible

from Jaime Foxx’s story where we are always having the “Best night of our Life”

and “Oh Yea” with
Plies & Chris Brown where I call you my babe

To some old Minnie Riperton,
or Amel Larriuex cause you know you’re “For Real”

-For real for real-

where I lip the high notes since my head says “it’s too early for her to hear your
shower voice”

And some old Isle’s where I can’t stop asking “who’s that lady?”

even after I played the Alicia Keys game to get to “know your name”

I’m the industrial size Acme magnet that always backfired on Wylie Coyote

And my thoughts

-thinking for you aside-

has my sole deep in trouble…I love your type of trouble


like a convict can’t seem to stay out of prison, or the idea of catching a grenade

-Pause: Say hello
to the crazies, what a genius reality to consider-

We’ve been making love to one another’s mind so much I don’t have a desire for
your physical

-“That’s a lie!” says the other side-   

The future conversations come with excitement and longing

lacking reservations and pass disasters and trials

you’ll never hurt me, “will you?” …

-its ok I like your pouty mad face; probably more than Rihanna and Eminem “love the way you lie”-

I’ll take It all however you send it my way

 God cast you from the sun so I know your
one of
a kind

-I see ya’ll share the same smile-

I can write, breath, think, feel, kiss, want, need, long, desire you 372 days
of every year

-Hell, now until infinity for that matter, but what’s time got to do with it…-

Adding in the extra 7 days
since my mind be working overtime with you there

-Loud speaker comes on, “We are now Operating at Optimum Capacity,”

-Loud cheer-

You overlooked the 6 piece luggage set they just called about from the airport

-“Mr. Conley, we’ve located your bags”-

and you told me “don’t worry
sweets, I’ll just be your better stuff“

I’m ready to roll around in marmalade and change my name for you

-Ill even take off my
shades for you, if you leave your panties in your pocket book…-

-along with everything else-

My smelling salt to the legendary path

where everyday seems like déjà vue

-I love being stuck in this twilight
day love story that seems too good to be true-

I’m ready to go to the end of the galaxy with you

Passport… check, Pure…check, Ecstasy…check, Soundtrack of Emotions in
Love…Check

-Danm “Did you just touch
my insides?”-

Get out of there…. Well on second thought just linger for a moment

let your melody escape my lips as I hum your oh so sweet tune

let me beat box the bass like I imagine our bodies doing

straight 808s no heartbreaks

-“Now that’s how you let
the beat build”-

let me meal over the words in my head and make up the ones I don’t know

do do do do doooo,

do
do do do doooo, …love… care…I want… your hair/near/dear?

Either way it works

Let me just admire the
artist for a moment

Round of applause and Michael Jackson standing ovation moment

Did I tell you I was your
number one fan, no really your number one, number one fan. 

Music must be a woman

I can’t stop humming her tune

I’m sure

no 110% positive

that women has to be
you

Disc 1….

C.C. Malachi the PoetC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: Michael Datcher

On Edge



"We dance this dance

Of wonder

(This slow groove)

Slowly swaying

Carefully moving

Around craving

And desire

Careful not to

Step

Too close

To the edge

The fall is fast


And liberating

But not free

And I cannot fly

Not here

Not yet

We kiss

Once

Our tongues

Have wings

They dance

Whispering

Slowly swaying

Carefully flying

Inside craving

And desire

Trying to seduce

The heart

And the body

And the soul

To join this groove

To fly"



-Michael DatcherC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.