C. Nzingha Smith's Blog, page 2

Love in Retrospect | Poem:Touch

Happy Valentine's Day!To celebrate here is a love poem entitled, Touch from Lust Have Recipes, Aphrodisiac Cookbook.
With Love & Gratitude,~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Lesson | Caution in Love, The Most Fatal

Frustration in love is often caused by our holding back our true feelings. We want to say something, but don't. We long for that kiss, but don't seize the moment. We secretly want to express our love in every way possible, but decide not to. We keep the unexpressed love inside, and after a while it begins to eat away at us, turning into awkward behavior, nervousness, paranoia, and sickness. We starve it and kill it off, instead of allowing it to grow, flourish, and nurture our lives in ways we couldn't possibly be able to anticipate.

Why do we hold back? Because of fear of the unknown, of losing ourselves, losing control and liking it, because we tried once and it didn't work. Fear is the enemy in love and according to Russell, caution in love, the most fatal to our true happiness. How can you know how far you can go if you don't take the risks needed to find out? Answer is: you won't and could be missing out on the love you desire because you're allowing fear to block love from flowing in your life consciously or unconsciously.

Our true happiness is directly related to our being loved and being able to give love in return. When we become too cautious in love, have too many rules that don't make any sense, or live by an imaginary rule book that dictates how we should think about love and our relationships we lose out. We create and build walls around our hearts, which cause us to miss out on the possibilities of the love we want. You can create whatever love you want to experience. You make your own rules in love with the one you love, those are the only rules that matter. There aren't any universal rules in love you should live by, except that you have to first open yourself up to experience love's possibilities. When you do, give yourself permission to love with abandon as Mr. Russell has advised us to do this week.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love U | 10 Ways to Touch

Physical touch is one of five types of affection. Studies show that touch is the first sense to develop in humans and may be the last one to fade. Our skin is our largest organ and is very sensitive and responsive to human touch. We have approximately 5 million touch receptors in our skin, with 3,000 in a finger tip alone. So, why as we age do we tend to touch each other less?

Well first, everyone is all uptight about nothing. You would think as we age, we would get more mature about the nature of touching, but instead we get more uptight and less curious. The result is anxiety, more stress, lack of intimacy and closeness with our partners and more sickness in our society.

Everyone thinks everything has to be about sex all the time. Light bulb: it doesn't. The benefits of touching span far beyond an orgasm.

So, let's get Valentine's week started off right with some good old fashioned thumb wrestling. Just kidding! Here are a 10 ways for lovers to get back in touch with each other, literally and figuratively speaking.

1. Hug- allow for no personal space here. Use both arms and squeeze tightly.
2. Hold hands- this is reassuring for both parties and helps with anxiety.
3. Cuddle- cuddling is relaxing and soothing and a great way to reconnect.
4. Wash each others hair- might sound corny, but it's really sexy and nurturing.
5. Brush up against each other in passing-linger for a minute and flirt a little.
6. Massage each other- it's a great way to spend quality time and relieve tension.
7. Shower or bathe together- need I say more.
8. Kiss (often)- kissing is very intimate and can communicate a lot without words.
9. Undress each other- it's very sensual, but often overlooked in foreplay.
10. Appropriate groping- this should be done to make your partner feel sexy.
*11. Talk to each other (while holding hands) about how to best show each other love & affection, and then encourage each other by sharing mutual touch on a regular basis.

Let's face it, we could all benefit from being touched more often. Reaching out and touching each other helps us know we aren't alone, that we are loved, desired, special, cared for. It helps to keep us connected to one another. A touch can sooth pain, heighten our spirits, and give us hope and reassurance. There is nothing wrong with a little (or a lot) of touching...as an act of love.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love U | 10 Ways to Touch Me

Physical touch is one of five types of affection. Studies show that touch is the first sense to develop in humans and may be the last one to fade. Our skin is our largest organ and is very sensitive and responsive to human touch. We have approximately 5 million touch receptors in our skin, with 3,000 in a finger tip alone. So, why as we age do we tend to touch each other less?

Well first, everyone is all uptight about nothing. You would think as we age, we would get more mature about the nature of touching, but instead we get more uptight and less curious. The result is anxiety, more stress, lack of intimacy and closeness with our partners and more sickness in our society.

Everyone thinks everything has to be about sex all the time. Light bulb: it doesn't. The benefits of touching span far beyond an orgasm.

So, let's get Valentine's week started off right with some good old fashioned thumb wrestling. Just kidding! Here are a 10 ways for lovers to get back in touch with each other, literally and figuratively speaking.

1. Hug- allow for no personal space here. Use both arms and squeeze tightly.
2. Hold hands- this is reassuring for both parties and helps with anxiety.
3. Cuddle- cuddling is relaxing and soothing and a great way to reconnect.
4. Wash each others hair- might sound corny, but it's really sexy and nurturing.
5. Brush up against each other in passing-linger for a minute and flirt a little.
6. Massage each other- it's a great way to spend quality time and relieve tension.
7. Shower or bathe together- need I say more.
8. Kiss (often)- kissing is very intimate and can communicate a lot without words.
9. Undress each other- it's very sensual, but often overlooked in foreplay.
10. Appropriate groping- this should be done to make your partner feel sexy.
*11. Talk to each other (while holding hands) about how to best show each other love & affection, and then encourage each other by sharing mutual touch on a regular basis.

Let's face it, we could all benefit from being touched more often. Reaching out and touching each other helps us know we aren't alone, that we are loved, desired, special, cared for. It helps to keep us connected to one another. A touch can sooth pain, heighten our spirits, and give us hope and reassurance. There is nothing wrong with a little (or a lot) of touching...as an act of love.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love in Retrospect | Avoid the Friend Box

Nietzsche stopped by earlier this week to let us know that friendship was a good basis to build happy marriages and lasting relationships. However, being put in the "friend box" might make it rather difficult to get anywhere in a relationship. Speak up, be honest, take a risk and voice your intentions to avoid the "friend box" and the permanent designation to a romantic dead end. Have a great weekend! Thanks for stopping by. :)

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Lessons | Friedrich Nietzsche on Unhappy Marriages

Merriam Webster defines a friend as: 1. a person who you like and enjoy being with. 2. a person who helps or supports someone or something.

Friendship is a form of love, and is complimentary to romantic love, but isn't the same as romantic love. You can have romantic love without taking the time to develop a friendship of mutual interests and affection. We have the ability to love people we don't like. I call it polite tolerance.

In the case of our romantic relationships, love without a proper foundation built on mutual friendship starts off extremely fragile, like a decorative bouquet of crepe paper flowers.
According to Nietzsche lack of friendship is one of the causes of unhappy marriages. He doesn't question the love present in the relationship, he assumes that there is love shared, but not liking your partner, not enjoying being with them and not sharing interests can naturally create unhappiness within the relationship. Add lack of support for each other and being and staying together could seem like an impossible task.

It's been my experience and observation that relationships that begin from genuine friendship first, create the most fulfilling experiences, and have the highest chance of actually lasting. The relationships that started off superficial, hot and heavy, passion driven without either party coming up for air, are exciting, fun and adventurous, but the time is never taken to really get to know each other, like each other and develop or discover other mutual interests outside the passion factor. The relationships don't have a fighting chance at survival. Unfortunately, more and more people are marrying without preparing and without forming lasting bonds with each other. The superficial wears off and so does the dophamine chemical released in our brains, that drugs us as we're falling in love.

The fabric we use to knit together our relationships form the bonds that ultimately make or break the relationship. Some bonds are more enduring than others. Many people underestimate the importance of actually "liking" the person you're with. It's important. You are very seldom friends with someone you don't like. Charles Caleb Colton says it best: "Friendship often ends in love. But love in friendship; never."

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love in Retrospect Video Post | Less Robot More Human

Have a great weekend!
With Love & Gratitude,~C. Nzingha SmithC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Meditation Thursday | Release & Reset

A moment to release all negative energy, stress and tension that has built up throughout the week. Invite peace and tranquility with our weekly love meditation. Happy Thursday! 
With Love & Gratitude,~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Lessons & Fishing | Mark Twain

I could argue both sides. The pros and cons of using your brain or heart when searching for love (too many episodes of Law & Order & the hidden inner lawyer in me coming out). The more useful baiting tool however, at the end of the day (and because it sometimes gets exhausting being difficult for the hell of it) I will have to admit and resolve to agree with Mark on this one, is your heart.

The most satisfying of all finds are the one's made up of genuine feelings. Not because of the things our minds rationalize us into thinking are the best for us. Your heart will always gravitate to truth.

I have never been a fan of people who claim to like people or feelings to grow on them...I equate that to fungus (I will save that for another post). I don't want anything to grow on me. I don't want to have to think about it. It is. You know it. It sets you on fire and drives you to madness and you like it, crave it and are lost when it evades you. You don't need words to explain it. You can let it be because it existed before the two of you crossed paths and were swept up in its power.

Or it isn't. Words are needed when it isn't. You know when we have to search for justifications and make sense of it. To explain and fill in the gaps that true love fill naturally. When it isn't you allow your brain to keep your heart silenced and love often turns out toxic for the parties involved.

Our hearts will always have the answers we seek to find, all we have to do is listen to it. The trick is we have to shut our mouths and be quiet enough to hear what it has to say to us. This is the hard part for most people. Love lesson: Use your heart to seek and find love.

Do you let your brain or heart lead you in and out of love?

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love STAT | Face Shape with the Most Lovers

Studies show that men and women with highly symmetrical faces tend to have more lovers to choose from. Additionally, men with symmetrical faces begin to have sex four years earlier, have more sex, and have more affairs than their lopsided peers. Women also tend to have more orgasms with symmetrical men.

Prior to searching for the Love stat for this week, I had never really paid attention to the symmetric face theory and the meaning behind it. Interestingly enough there are tons of studies done on facial construct and how it plays out prior to our being birthed, and how our face shape effects our lives, from career to dancing skills. I'm not sure if I've ever paid attention to the shape or evenness of a gentleman's face. I'm thinking it must be a subconscious thing that we scan for without thinking about it.



Hmm...when I see a good looking gentleman, I immediately look at his mouth. I check out his smile, his lips, and his teeth. I'm a kisser, so the mouth region is important to me. Plus, I'm secretly a stand-up comedian, so I want to make sure his smile will make me smile when I make him laugh. :) Plus, a man with a beautiful smile, is just pure sexy. If he clears the mouth scan, we're clear to proceed from there. Then my eyes will move back to his eyes to communicate whatever needs to be said from there. I'm going to have to see if I can detect the symmetrical face trait thing on real people or if it's just meant to stay in the study lab and visible on charts and face diagrams. Of course I now wonder how symmetrical my face is, but don't have the patience to participate in any online tests to see nor do I care too much. It is what it is and has been that way since I was born. We've all got to work on loving ourselves just as we are, and know we are all uniquely beautiful! 

What facial features do you tend to focus in on when you meet someone? Are they preferences or must-haves? I would be interested to know!

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. Nzingha





C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.