C. Nzingha Smith's Blog, page 3

Love in Retrospect | He's Not Perfect

Reflecting on our week in love. He's not perfect...okay I get it!
With Love & Gratitude,~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Meditation Thursday | A Refreshing

Take a moment to release any toxic energy and blockage and invite peace and refreshing with a an afternoon love meditation. Happy Thursday! 
With Love & Gratitude,~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Lesson Wednesday's | Bob Marley

Well said. Wisdom and insight on love and relationships is often hard earned. It benefits us to glean from the lessons, wisdom, and insight of others that have gone before us, as often as possible, to help us on our own journey's. Every Wednesday I'll feature a thought provoking statement or noteworthy excerpt on the lessons of notables about love and relationships that we can apply to our own lives. Hopefully, they will help us progress forward with an open mind and open heart.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Stat Tuesday| Numbers Don't Lie | $239/yr vs. $15k/yr

Photo courtesy of trendhunter.com
Love Stat: According to a 2013 survey conducted by statisticbrain.com, the average person spends $239/year on dating site memberships and online dating is a $1 billion business.

Okay, I thought $239/yr was rather high. However, then I thought what if you aren't average? How much would a date or introduction with no guarantees of a relationship be worth? Well, upwards of $15k if you are going through a high-end "traditional matchmaking" firm and that's on the low end.


Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the movie Hitch, but had no idea there were so many modern day versions that are racking up the clients by the 1,000's and getting paid a hefty penny to do so. I imagined myself as a tycoon business man, the millionaire heiress and the bootstrap successful entrepreneur looking for love to see how far my money would go with a "traditional matchmaker".  These prices are just for the search, pairing and introduction and may include all of the details of planning the first date, but there are no guarantees a relationship of any kind will be born of them. Wow!

Under $5k- A free consultation to tell me to get my money up and come back
$5k- A second city added on to my original search once I save up, see below
$15k- unlimited matches in one city for a year, go back one step to add a second
$150k- an international search with personal coaching and pre-date preparation
*Prices are annual

Oh, and I did mention there are no guarantees. All that money and I'm not guaranteed to be in matrimonial bliss when it's all said and done. In the voice of Eddy Murphy..."get the *$@! out of here." Oh and if one of the introductions did happen to successfully end in a relationship or marriage, there is a fee attached to your union. What? Wait. Didn't I already pay your finder's fee? I'm so confused by the purpose of all this and the value.

My thoughts: the money would be better spent on therapy. Many people have unresolved issues and hangups that keep them from successfully entering into and sustaining healthy, lasting relationships. That and no personality or relational skills. Guys who are uberly successful in certain industries are a dry bore and lack simple people skills. Nice guys, but have had no practice in the areas of relationships. Take your money and invest it in some courses on expressive behavior and communication skills. That will be $500, you will get my bill. Ha!

I'm with this guy! You can't beat a spark, the old fashion way!(I don't own the rights to this video)
With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

The Gift of Goodbye | Love Them from a Distance

2013 was a lonely year. One of my loneliest to date. Many people were removed from my life, many relationships had to be severed in order for me to grow and move forward in life and closer to where God wants me to be in His life. In some cases the other person was prompted to leave me and in others I had the strength to leave and walk away. Regardless of who initiated the farewell, I was forced to learn the gift of goodbye and the process and reality of loving from a distance. However, it is much easier said than done. Like the quote, I had no aptitude for it, I clutched and clutched, only to find I was grasping emptiness. Then I had to face reality, there was nothing left to hold on to. I would have to let it go.

At first, it can devastating. The pain, excruciating. When you have someone you're connected to; a best friend, a romantic partner, a close family member who becomes a permanent and important fixture in your life. You don't want to think about how life would without them. They are a part of you. Intricately woven into the fabric of your being. Until they're not anymore. At least not in the way they once were. We have been taught by society to reject change and to fear it. Why? When it is the only true constant in our lives. We change every day, we evolve, we grow, we improve (hopefully), and so do the people around us. We grow apart, we separate, we can't continue in the state of how the relationship used to be. We leave. Then slowly you realize life can and does go on without them. Maybe life improves even. Maybe you all were stunting each other's growth. Maybe you were holding back parts of you in order to make them happy. Maybe you were putting their needs in front of yours and sacrificing parts of you for the sake of the relationship. Maybe the relationship wasn't as healthy for you as you thought it was. There is a cliche' we often here, "people who can walk out of your life so easily, weren't meant to be there in the first place." I disagree. Who says that their walking away from you was easy for them at all? It just might have been necessary. 
Every single person whom I've had the privilege of being close to on my journey in life has taught be something when I was ready, willing and open to learn it. About life, about the different layers of myself, about my hidden ugliness, about my hidden beauty, helped me to become better, more loving, more patient, more compassionate, strengthened me in some way and multiplied my joy and happiness. For me to dismiss the experiences, the time shared, the memories created, would mean I would have to fill in that space with bitterness, regret and anguish, which curses the blessing. I'll pass. I've found it to be much better to allow the space to stay occupied with the love that was created in it. It existed before the person arrived and it will exist after they are gone. I don't need for it to be replaced or erased, it was a blessing to me in some way. I'm learning how to seek out the blessings in the lessons. Goodbyes are necessary and inevitable. There will always be someone entering and exiting your life on some level. 
A gentleman, I was crazy about once, stunned me with his abrupt exit out of my life for no apparent reason at the time, and without explanation. However, before his departure, he was an immense inspiration in my work, he reignited my belief in the love I believe in, gave me hope that there exists somewhere on this planet, someone who speaks my love language(s), and taught me again, how to enjoy every single small thing because it makes me feel more alive.

When I think about him or a friend who I care about, but am no longer in touch with. I send them good energy, positive thoughts, and my love in the wind. I speak a blessing over them and let them know I am thinking about them by simply saying so out loud. Knowing somehow they hear me in their spirit. Because at the very core of us, we are all connected. I don't stop loving them because they are no longer in my life. In some instances my love has intensified more in their absence and grew strong only after there was no longer a formal relationship.

It's a new year, a new beginning, we have a new slate and the opportunity to make everything we desire to go right, go right in our lives. Resist the urge to drag stale, unfruitful relationships along with you on your journey this year. They are dead weight. Pray for the ability to learn the gift of goodbye and learn to love them from a distance. You don't have to be with them in order to love them. The relationship might have died of natural causes or it might have been killed off. Either way, if it's dead, has no signs of life, is unhealthy for you, leave it. Resist the urge to cling to relationship corpses. Walk away and leave it in your yesterday. Embrace the possibilities of new beginnings in life & love.

“I love you more than songs can say, but I can't keep running after yesterday...” ― John Mayer - Battle Studies

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Weekly Video Post | Bienvenue

C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love is on a Budget | Coupons Anyone?

According to a 2013 dating survey completed by Match.com, 50% of men spend $50 or more on a date. Women spend on average $25, with the bulk of their costs going toward predate prep. 65% of dating singles, both men and women, spend $50 or more on predate grooming and new outfits. However, more and more singles are opting to date less and are choosing saving for retirement and paying off debt with the money they would spend going out.

Reading these statistics made me think back to a time when a guy I dated used a coupon to pay for our meal. At first, it took me off guard. He mentioned it briefly when asking me out, saying that he won it in a raffle at work and wanted to check out the restaurant. Reluctantly, I agreed, never having been out with anyone who openly used coupons on a date.

On the contrary, some of my best and most memorable dates were what the survey would call cheap dates. They were the dates that were thoughtful, took some planning and probably didn't cost much at all, but the guys took time to show me that they paid attention to me, what I liked and what I valued. The small things, quality time and true intimacy. Those dates were special. One included a trip to an insanely large farmer's market, after eating a vegan lunch (while I was fasting), and ended with a stroll through some awesome cookware shops, after testing out some mopeds. I had the best time window shopping and contemplating gadgets I didn't know what to do with in the kitchen. Another was a day at the botanical garden, which ended in a picnic dinner on the floor with wine and candles. Again, not fancy, not swanky, but things that showed I was cared about and they had genuine interest in me.

I can't say now that it matters much either way how much a guy spends on a date. To me it's not a good gauge at his genuine interest. I could be wrong though. What do you think? Do you rank guys higher on your interest radar based on how much he spends on a date? Does spending more mean he's more interested in you? Guys is this true? I do think that there should be some type of coupon etiquette though. And I can't remember the last time I actually put in time picking special outfits or getting my hair done, just for a date. Do people still do this? No, really?

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

2014 New Year Prayer | Paulo Coelho Quote

“Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved towards that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. Every search begins with beginners luck. And every search ends with the victors being severely tested.” Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Happy New Year! We are officially fifteen days into the new year and continuing with the tradition I want to begin this blogging year with a New Year prayer.
I’m not sure what you've been through or what you’ve had to endure in the last 12 months that was 2013. I know that as a consensus from people I’ve spoken to and from my own life, 2013 was pure hell and a miserable year to sum it up best. The good news is 2013 is over! Congratulations, we made it! We have another opportunity to go after our dreams and goals and achieve them. I chose today’s quote to set the tone for those of us who have had to endure to the point of breaking. It’s my wish to extend my hands out to you by my words in order to embrace you and help to comfort and encourage you in the fact that you are right there, within arm’s reach. Grab hold tighter than you ever have before and don’t let go until God blesses you.As it physically pained me to have to reflect on all the events of 2013, it comforted me to know I had made it through and that the testing of my faith, developed perseverance. I’m more determined than ever to take everything up a notch and not only get what I thought I wanted, but the overflow as well. I have renewed confidence in who God is and who He’s created me to be and am allowing myself permission to explore me fully and embrace what I find. Because God is faithful and because it is always its darkest right before the dawn breaks, He allowed me to start the year off inside my biggest dream yet. One of the largest dreams I’ve dared to dream and I am not sleeping through this one. I’m living it wide awake, writing this from my apartment in the south of France. Everything was taken out of me and from me in 2013. Everything. It was God’s grace alone that allowed me to pick myself up off the ground and keep fighting when I literally had nothing left. Not knowing that beauty is birthed from ruin and you can’t live fully in Him until you have died of yourself.
My prayer: Heavenly Father I pray that you will continue to show us who we are in you this year. I pray a release of your supernatural comfort, peace, and grace upon us all. I pray Father that you cleanse us with your healing power and love. Rid us of any hurt, pain, and disappointments we’ve endured, necessary for our growth and promotion. I pray God that you will draw us closer to you and that you would teach us how to trust you beyond our capacity to trust as we move forward in your promises for our lives. I pray Father a year of abundant harvest for your people who have planted, sowed and labored in faith and in tears. Father I thank you now by faith for opening up the floodgates of heaven and pouring out your blessings on us where we won’t have enough room to contain them all. Father I thank you for replenishing us with any and all virtues that were depleted as we were going through our storms and Father I pray you would strengthen our bond and connection with you. Father grant us the gift of compassion that we may handle others with care as we are all sensitive and in need of encouragement and peace. Father I also pray that you give us clarity and open up our eyes of understanding, so that we may master the lessons needed to pursue, overtake and recover everything you have in store for us this year and in the years to come. Father we love you, we trust you, and we thank you that we can speak those things to come as though they are. Your word says that all things work together for our good. Thank you God for renewed faith and courage to pursue, overtake and recover all that belongs to us and for a renewed passion in our gifts. It is in Jesus Christ’s precious name I pray, Amen.
With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Men & Their Psychic Powers

“If you need more
love, why don’t you just say so?” John Mayer Lyrics


John Mayer says it all in this brief quote. He’s willing, he cares, he wants to please her and give her the love she needs, but he needs her to tell him what she needs. He admits that he can’t read her mind and needs her direction. He admits that he’s trying, but might not have a clue, but wants to find out, so he can take care of it, whatever it is. If it’s more love she needs, he’s capable, if she’ll just say the word. Why do we as women fail to voice our needs, but can nag and complain about what we don’t want and what doesn’t make us happy? Is it because we don’t really know? Have we not taken the time out to find out what really makes us happy? Have we transitioned from our parent’s house to his house without any self-discovery breaks in between? Are we depending on our men to figure it out all on their own without any direction from us because we won’t admit we have no clue? If any of these reasons are valid, and most likely they are the case in a lot of relationship scenarios, we are setting our men up for failure
Communication in love is everything. Contrary to what we as women may think and the many things men are wonderful at doing, reading our minds, ladies, is not on the list of the gifts men possess. We know this, so why do we act like this will change from man to man? It doesn’t, hasn’t and won’t. We can hope, will and pray that one day men will have the ability to look into our heads and read our thoughts, but it’s probably safe to say, it’s not going to happen. I, personally, am probably not the best friend to come to with relationship problems because I’m not the other person in the relationship. I will be polite and listen, but I definitely give the “why the hell are you telling me face”, and at the end of the rant, I’m going to piss the friend off further with the obvious question; “Have you told him any of this?” Then I get the deer in headlights look. Like really, I should actually tell him how I feel and what I want? Umm…yes! It should be the obvious next step, but most women will tell everyone one of their girlfriends, call overseas to a help group, complain after their yoga class to the people who can chime in and co-sign on their grief, but the last person on earth they want to tell is the only person on earth that can do anything to change it, their man.

Ladies, we are the most enlightened species ever created and the most intelligent, so why do we keep falling short on something so simple, I wonder? If there is a problem in your relationship and you don’t want to fix it, then leave because you're heart is not in it and you don't want to be there, so why stay? If there is a problem and you wish to fix it, it’s important then the only person you should be discussing the problem with is the other half involved in your relationship. It’s unhealthy, frustrating and completely unproductive to divulge your personal relationship details, especially problems, with family, friends and strangers. Men don’t possess psychic powers to read our minds, so we have to help them out. We have to get over our disappointment and start being frank about what we want and more importantly what we need. If you need something, tell him, if he cares about you and the relationship, he will address your concern with love and urgency. He will attempt to fix it, he may need you to be patient with him, understanding and supportive of his efforts, but ultimately, if he loves you, he wants to make you happy or he wouldn’t be with you in the first place. 



We women are going to have to become more assertive in working with the men we love instead of being petty and difficult about every single unimportant minuscule detail (I’m taking my own advice here, because I can be extremely difficult and stubborn at times). If it isn’t going to matter tomorrow, next month or five years from now, it probably shouldn’t be the source of strife and division in your relationship. If it does and he doesn’t know (and if you haven’t been upfront and told him, chances are he really doesn’t have a clue) then you need to communicate to him what your concerns are so you can work together to fix them. It makes the process that much easier and leaves more time for making up! If you don’t know, it’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and fess up and ask for help in discovering it together. Contrary to popular belief, there is a subtle sexiness in a woman who is strong enough to actually allow herself to show her vulnerability. You might need to take some time a part until you figure it out because if you’re not happy, you can’t add to anyone else’s happiness.




With Love & Gratitude,

~C. Nzingha
C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Love Poem: I Ask The Impossible by Ana Castillo

Photo courtesy of Soundcloud.com


Sharing a love poem today! Enjoy!



“I ask the impossible: love me forever.

Love me when all desire is gone.

Love me with the single mindedness of a monk.

When the world in its entirety,

and all that you hold sacred advise you

against it: love me still more.

When rage fills you and has no name: love me.

When each step from your door to our job tires you--

love me; and from job to home again, love me, love me.

Love me when you're bored--

when every woman you see is more beautiful than the last,

or more pathetic, love me as you always have:

not as admirer or judge, but with

the compassion you save for yourself

in your solitude.

Love me as you relish your loneliness,

the anticipation of your death,

mysteries of the flesh, as it tears and mends.

Love me as your most treasured childhood memory--

and if there is none to recall--

imagine one, place me there with you.

Love me withered as you loved me new.

Love me as if I were forever--

and I, will make the impossible

a simple act,

by loving you, loving you as I do” 



― Ana Castillo, I Ask the Impossible: PoemsC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.