David M. Brown's Blog, page 9

The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #28

Monday

Easter Monday and the heavy consuming of chocolate in the Brown household. We all enjoyed our individual Easter eggs except for Buggles. He spent the whole weekend watching his egg, waiting for it to hatch. Buggles couldn’t decide whether a chick would emerge from it or whether it would be a six foot figurine of Indiana Jones giving the thumbs up. Buggles’ wait went on for three days until Charlie ran out of patience and smashed the egg. Buggles didn’t move for hours, fearing the death of whatever was inside the egg. When I tried to explain the egg is hollow, he burst into tears and began eulogies in honour of hollow. A strange day.

Tuesday

Oh my word! Beard Face and Frizzy Hair had a huge row today. It was so loud and vicious that I’m glad the windows were closed because the entire street would have been out in force otherwise. I thought it was going to turn violent at on point but somehow the bloodshed was kept to a minimum. This was the worst argument they’ve ever had in my opinion. The reason? Beard Face got the Frizz some fresh pajamas – a white T-shirt, white bottoms and pink socks! Not going with the matching white socks sent the old girl over the edge and the beard almost through the window. Choose more carefully next time, you dimwit.

A beautiful week in the UK, ruined by Beard Face still breathing!

Wednesday

Beard Face has been anxiously waiting for news of his interview last week. Frizzy Hair has tried to keep him entertained with renditions of Donald Where’s Your Troosers? and Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm but it just wasn’t happening. I even tried to make him feel more upbeat by insisting that he looks slightly less like a dipshit today than on other days but, again, there was just no getting through to him. In the end we left him alone on the sofa, watching David Attenborough and picking his nose with a toothpick. A lovely image there for you.

Thursday

Beard Face was in a better mood today. He did a movie quiz and discovered that he’d seen 67 of the 75 movies listed. He was very proud. Charlie and Buggles weighed in with their scores too. Charlie claimed to have seen 4,836 of the 75 movies listed, while Buggles insisted he’d seen 44 of the movies, as well as a green fairy who had an obsession with lilac circular envelopes. I’m starting to hope the beard gets a job soon because if he carries on like this much longer I really don’t know what sort of mischief he’ll be forcing on the rest of us. Whatever is next it’s bound to be disturbing.

Friday

It was another hot day in the UK and there was talk of air pollution as well. At first I assumed this might be down to that curry that Razz had stolen off Frizzy Hair but apparently this pollution was nationwide. Not even Razz is capable of chemical warfare of such a magnitude as that! Elsewhere Beard Face has been up to his usual bizarre tricks. He was wearing his dressing gown for most of the day today, failing to notice it was actually Frizzy Hair’s pink dressing gown, and he even answered the door in it when we had a delivery. The chap with the parcel handled the situation well by saying, “Delivery for you, madame.” How we laughed!

Saturday

Beard Face and Frizzy Hair have been celebrating five years of marriage. That’s quite an extraordinary statement when you think about it and a scary one too. Imagine being married to that git for five years. It’s enough to give anyone nightmares and I have had my fair share this week. Strangely enough the dreams involved crowds of people wearing Beard Face masks and marching to the tune of Heigh Ho from Snow white and the Seven Dwarves. I’m not sure what such dreams say about me or indeed my mind but it can’t be good.

Sunday

Beard Face has been watching Long Way Round where Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman hop on their motorbikes and drive around the world from London to New York. It’s a fascinating documentary and watching it gives me ideas. It may take a while but I wish to procure a motorbike for Beard Face as well as a map. Once I have acquired these items I will insist he bikes around the world from Yorkshire to Yorkshire via Alaska, New Zealand, Mexico, Antarctica, Indonesia, Russia, London, South Africa, Australia, Brazil, Greece, Tasmania, Costa Rica, Germany, China, Argentina and finally New York before flying home. Hopefully that route will take him a day or two!

The post The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #28 appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: K is for Killers (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

K is for Killers

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: K is for Killers (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: J is for Juvenile (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

J is for Juvenile

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: J is for Juvenile (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: I is for Immaculate (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

I is for Immaculate

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: I is for Immaculate (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

Happy Five Years, Mr B!

Five years ago I walked down the aisle to this:

Then we signed the register, did the admin and had general smiliness to this:

And this:

Then we headed over to our buffet reception at a local bar and smiled until our cheeks ached. Then, in all our finery, we crossed the street to hunt for a taxi as late night revellers looked on at us, probably wondering if they’d had one pint too many or if we really were wandering in front of the railway station in our wedding outfits at 11 p.m.

We didn’t want fancy or snazzy, we didn’t need frills and bells and whistles. The only thing the day had to say was ‘We love each other’.

Now it’s five years on. We still don’t do bells and whistles. We often don’t do presents and I can’t remember the last time we did a fancy meal out. We still do a whole lot of love, though. Whatever happens, five years on I still feel that all every day has to say is ‘We love each other’ for it to be enough.

May it be so for another fifteen, fifty, one hundred and fifty years!

Happy Five Years, Mr B!

The post Happy Five Years, Mr B! appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: H is for Humorous (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

H is for Humorous

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: H is for Humorous (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

The Bleaklisted Movies: The Shawshank Redemption

About The Bleaklisted Movies

Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

 

The Shawshank Redemption

What happens?

Guy goes to prison for murdering his wife and her stud. Guy goes through the motions in prison, makes a friend or two, then escapes.

Reason for bleaklisting?

The prison guards are amateurs. Has no one heard of the old tunnel behind the poster trick? Seriously, what a bunch of morons.

What should have happened?

Mandy Da Doo Ron Ron is sent to a horrible prison known as The Not Very Nice Prison for a series of murders. Mandy is believed to be the infamous Lamb Shank Slaughterer, a notorious serial killer who murders his victims by feeding them lamb with too much pepper on it. Mandy befriends another prisoner, Phyllis Bedding, better known as Bed. Over the next twenty years, Mandy plots his escape from the prison and tries numerous schemes such as tunnelling behind a poster, tunnelling underground, throwing a football over the fence and asking if he can go get it back, and trying to smuggle himself piece by piece to freedom using Bed’s clandestine goods distribution network. After twenty years of frustration, Mandy approaches a guard at the gate and asks to be let out. The guard complies because he’s in a good mood (thanks to an amorous breakfast that morning with his wife) and Mandy races away to freedom. He stops off briefly in his home town to inform the police that he’s just realised a former friend of his, Jerry “The Lamb Killer” Barker, might be the elusive Lamb Shank Slaughterer. While the police are questioning Jerry, Mandy flees across the border even though he’s now innocent! Bed catches up with him ten years later and they open a cocktail bar in Brazil.

Working title?

The Lambshank Redemption.

Tagline?

Fear can hold you prisoner. A stupid guard can set you free.

Who should direct?

Tim Burton.

Who should star?

Mike Myers and Clark Gable.

Mr B compares the stories

The Shawshank Redemption is widely considered as one of the greatest movies of all time, a claim that is fully justified in my humble opinion. Based on a Stephen King short story, it is pretty long but never boring and boasts fabulous performances from Tim Robbins and, in particular, Morgan Freeman. Charlie has kept the prison setting but thrown in some baloney about a Lamb Shank Slaughterer and how the ineptitude of one guard leads to the freedom of the main character. I’ll stick with the Oscar-nominated movie which has acting and a plot. Charlie’s effort clearly doesn’t and I’m not sure about Mike Myers and Clark Gable as a double act.

The post The Bleaklisted Movies: The Shawshank Redemption appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: G is for Gods (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

F is for Felines

And one of our favourite quotes from the sadly departed Terry Pratchett supports this:

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: G is for Gods (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

In the Brown Kitchen: Lemon and Poppyseed Cupcakes

I’ve always enjoyed cooking but for the first few years we lived together our kitchen was so small it diminished my enthusiasm a little. When we moved to Barnsley and my kitchen was suddenly dramatically bigger – not huge, but you could put a pan down without losing half your counter space – I found my cooking enthusiasm renewed. I’m not the world’s best cook and I’m certainly not the tidiest or best at presentation, but I enjoy it. With a personal benchmark of ‘Dave ate it and he did not die’, I’m never going to be a Masterchef but I can at least share my culinary fun along the way!

Lemon and Poppyseed Cupcakes

I love BBC recipes as they are usually so straightforward and easy to follow. This recipe was a classic example of both and my first attempt at these cupcakes worked brilliantly.

I will admit that I cheated on the icing, buying Morrisons pre-made lemon icing. Icing just isn’t my strong point and I wanted to practise my piping and try and do these cupcakes justice. I was very happy with the results but I’d definitely like to try them again in future with homemade frosting.

What went wrong?

Clearly I didn’t make enough because these were gone in double quick time!

What would I do differently next time?

I’d like to attempt the icing myself but otherwise I was really happy with these.

Success or failure?

A definite success for the sponge. Ask me again about the full product when I’ve mastered the icing!

An extra note

I also attempted rhubarb cake, which was great. I didn’t take a picture of this one, so perhaps it’s destined for another ‘In the Brown Kitchen’ but in the meantime, here’s the recipe.

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Lemon Poppy Seed Fairy Cake

It was a double dose of baking from Mrs B with the privilege of a rhubarb cake and some lemon poppy seed fairy cakes for us to enjoy. I’m quite fussy when it comes to things like seeds and nuts so I was looking at the addition of poppy seeds here with some anxiety. I needn’t have worried. Mrs B did a superb job once again. The sponge was delicious with the poppy seeds being a welcome bonus, while a lemon icing topping rounded off what was another successful bake from my talented other half. How long did the fairy cakes last? More than one day but less than two so, yes, they were really good!

Rhubarb Cake

It’s been many years since I had any rhubarb and I’m not sure why. How long exactly? Probably 20 years or so, definitely before my voice broke. The prospect of a rhubarb cake, expertly crafted by Mrs B was one I was intrigued by. It was a pretty large cake in the end and took 2-3 days to finish. The end result was a beautifully baked cake which didn’t dry out even after day 3 and the sweet tasting rhubarb enhanced it wonderfully. Next time we’re at the supermarket I may have to surreptitiously help some rhubarb into our trolley and plead ignorance if/when questioned about it.

The post In the Brown Kitchen: Lemon and Poppyseed Cupcakes appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: F is for Felines (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

F is for Felines

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: F is for Felines (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.