David M. Brown's Blog, page 8

A-Z of Cats: R is for Rest (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

R is for Rest

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

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The post A-Z of Cats: R is for Rest (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: Q is for Quick (#atozchallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

Q is for Quick

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: Q is for Quick (#atozchallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #29

Monday

Beard Face has been preparing most of the day for a job interview. He began by writing all over his body in permanent black marker such things as “If a question is asked then answer it,” “If you need to fart do it in mid conversation rather than when you’re thinking,” and “Try to avoid picking your nose or twiddling your nipples to gain extra marks.” I have a feeling this could be a long day for the old boy.

Tuesday

Well, Beard Face had the job interview and I’m sorry to say that it sounds as if he did okay. The good news is the police, the fire service, the local council, social services and even Shifty Nigel from no.45 were not required. On his return Beard Face was unbearable, preaching that he had most definitely got the job and he knew this from the subtle shakes of the head and cut throat gestures the interviewers were making as he walked out of the building. Good luck with that beardy.

It’s been one of those weeks

Wednesday

Beard Face started a new series today. He’s sticking with David Attenborough and turned his attention to The Life of Birds. I approved of this move though the series was frustrating in the respect that Buggles continually tried to catch the damn things but couldn’t. He kept complaining they were trapped inside the picture box and he wanted to set them free. It could have been worse. Beard Face assumed he was watching a series about women in bikinis so imagine his surprise when the only birds he was watching were of the animal kingdom variety.

Thursday

The General Election was on the agenda in the Brown household today. It’s looking like a tough one to call this time round with the Conservatives and Labour neck and neck in the polls. Will we have a minority government or another coalition? Well, if you’re Charlie then the answer is neither. Unimpressed with the policies of any of the parties, especially the Green Party (Charlie doesn’t think they’re green enough!), our kitty equivalent of Napoleon Bonaparte has decided that in the next three weeks he will form his own party, win votes from all the other parties and secure a majority to become the UK’s next government. Charlie hasn’t divulged his policies as such though they’re bound to be a cauldron of absolutism and totalitarianism given his previous track record. What he has revealed is the name of the party: Cats’ Awesome Support Thingy’s Righteous and Totally Inventive Orgasmic Nation which has the acronym of CASTRATION. It’s a lot for the UK to take on, or off, depending on how crude your humour is.

Friday

Unbelievable! Beard Face has got a job. The college has decided to take him on with the teacher training he applied for. I will admit that I had a little to do with it. Frizzy Hair was getting upset about Beard Face’s continued failures so I decided to intervene. I contacted the college while they considered beardy’s application and first tried diplomacy, bribery and finally a Jedi mind trick before they acquiesced to the old boy’s employment. It’s been a happy day for Frizzy Hair thanks to me. As for the beard, well, he has put his success entirely down to himself. We’ll let him live in his own little world a bit longer. I wish he’d leave this world and move to the other one but you can’t have everything, can you?

Saturday

Beard Face has been listening to Coldplay a lot lately and has become fixated on their song “The Scientist.” He finds the video fascinating where Chris Martin walks backwards until the shocking revelations at the very end. Beard Face has been so intrigued by the video that he’s taken to going through his day for a few hours then proceeding to go backwards in an attempt to reverse time. This has caused all kinds of confusion when it comes to eating, using the toilet, speaking etc but it hasn’t deterred the old boy from trying. By the end of the day our horror at who he is and what he is will have been magnified a hundredfold. I’m not looking forward to it.

Sunday

Snooker is back on the telly so what the next two weeks has in store is a series of bad snooker puns. Beard Face needs no invitation to giggle at the use of the word “balls” but if he hears such terms as “screw back” and “plant” he’s in hysterics. The “screw back” thing I can begrudgingly qualify for its ambiguity but I’m perplexed about why “plant” is so funny. I even challenged the beard on this and he just snorted at me. He insisted “plant” is up there in the same bracket of humour as “Fisherman’s Friend” and “sausage.” Indeed.

The post The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #29 appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: P is for Poo (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

P is for Poo

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: P is for Poo (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: O is for Organised (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

O is for Organised

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: O is for Organised (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: N is for Naughty (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

N is for Naughty

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: N is for Naughty (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

The Bleaklisted Movies: North By Northwest

About The Bleaklisted Movies

Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

 

North By Northwest

What happens?

Some guy is mistaken for someone else, he gets chased by a crop duster, goes sightseeing at Mount Rushmore and then goes home.

Reason for bleaklisting?

Mount Rushmore doesn’t have my face carved into the rock and the pilot in that crop duster is as crap at flying as those guys that chase Indiana Jones and his dad when they’re looking for that Holy Snail thing.

What should have happened?

Todger O. Cookie-Crumble is a traffic warden who is mistaken for another traffic warden by the name of Serge Cancan. Cancan is being hunted by the head of the Traffic Wardens’ Association, Dennis Edam. Todger is interrogated by Edam who accuses him of taking extra long breaks during his shifts. Todger escapes when Edam is distracted by a fly that has found its way into the office and takes 7 minutes to be swiped and killed by a rolled up copy of the Daily Mail. Todger goes in search of the infamous Cancan and is aided on his journey by Edam’s wife, Stevie, who is angry with her husband for giving her a parking ticket when the two of them last did the grocery shopping together. Todger survives the pursuit of traffic wardens and being chased by some skateboarding kids before finding the truth about Cancan just past a pizzeria. Cancan isn’t real. It’s just been Stevie using an assumed name to annoy her husband who actually hates that type of dancing. Boosted by this revelation, Todger returns to the Traffic Wardens’ Association and defeats Edam in a fierce contest of who can give the other a parking ticket first. With Edam carted off to prison, Todger spoils the mood by turning to Stevie and saying, “Want me to give you another ticket, sweetheart?”

Working title?

North By Northwest (then take a left at Oliver’s Olive Pizzeria).

Tagline?

A 10 mile chase full of excitement, traffic wardens, pizzerias and a guy named Todger.

Who should direct?

David O. Russell

Who should star?

Tom Cruise, Willem Dafoe and Reese Witherspoon.

Mr B compares the stories

Alfred Hitchcock’s North By Northwest is one of his best known thrillers with Cary Grant in great form as the man on the run. While Hitchcock’s movie was full of memorable set-pieces, Charlie has set his alternative take in a small geographical area and tried to spin an intricate tale around traffic wardens. This might be quirky enough for David O. Russell to handle given some of his previous work but I’m not sure a traffic warden would be cool enough for Tom Cruise nor sinister enough for Dafoe to depict as a villain. This low octane thriller that sounds about as exciting as a knitting competition will hopefully never see the light of day.

 

The post The Bleaklisted Movies: North By Northwest appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

On Tour: Katie in Love – Chloe Thurlow

Romeo and Juliet experienced the purity of young love, and look what happened to that pair of star-crossed dreamers.

Orpheus and Eurydice fell in love at first sight. Eurydice dies from a snake bite and Orpheus had to go to hell (literally) to try and bring his beloved back to the land of the living.

Cathy and Heathcliff wept their way through a crazy kind of love that Emily Brontë made harder to endure than the moors surrounding Wuthering Heights. I weep, too, every time I read the book.

Katie in Love is my sixth novel, the first romance, and it occurred to me as I began that, like Juliet, Eurydice and Cathy, love today has complications, but of a different kind. We live in a throwaway society, love is fragile, and love can be swept out with the garbage just as easily as the dust and empty bottles.

When love appears in Katie’s life, she doesn’t at first welcome it. She feels terrified. What if I give my heart to him and he doesn’t want it? What if I change my mind? What if he changes his mind?

With this my theme, I explored the lives (and love) of Katie and Tom. The erotic scenes emerged when the characters were in the mood (once born, they really do write their own story). Three weeks after meeting, Tom leaves for his post overseas and Katie stands tearfully at the airport contemplating a decision that will change her life. Forever.

I set out in Katie in Love to create a book in which every woman would see herself in Katie, and find aspects of their own lover in Tom. It took 13 months to write (with countless edits and rewrites) and I am inordinately proud of the published novel. It is out NOW.

About Katie in Love Katie Boyd has nothing in common with Tom Bridge, the volunteer doctor she meets at a party – except in bed she finds a passion to match her own. Tom is intense, puzzling, a man who cares about others and compels Katie to question her own life drifting through the hip clubs and London party scene.

When Tom returns to his post in a Sri Lanka orphanage, Katie isn’t sure if their passion was lit by its brevity, or if love, unexpected and not entirely wanted, has edged its way into her life. Should she go back to being who she always was? Or follow Tom into the unknown?

Katie in Love is a compelling erotic-romance that will grip readers as they follow Katie’s journey to an ending they may have expected – but not in the way they expected it.

Brilliantly written and coolly self-aware, Chloe Thurlow was described by KM Dylan on Amazon as “…the Anaïs Nin of our times.” With Katie in Love – her sixth novel – Thurlow reveals a writer at the height of her powers.

Kindle Amazon
About Chloe Thurlow

Chloe Thurlow tries to be good and doesn’t always succeed. She likes shoes, swimming, dancing, watching the sunrise and movies with friends followed by pizza and ice cream. She is the author of the best-selling The Secret Life of Girls and writes a sexy, subversive blog here.
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The post On Tour: Katie in Love – Chloe Thurlow appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: M is for Master (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

M is for Master

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: M is for Master (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.

A-Z of Cats: L is for Loving (#AtoZChallenge)

For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!

L is for Loving

The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:

Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.

Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge

Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!

The post A-Z of Cats: L is for Loving (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.