David M. Brown's Blog, page 11
April 1, 2015
A-Z of Cats: A is for Armadillo (#AtoZChallenge)
For this year’s Blogging from A-Z Challenge (#atozchallenge), David and I have decided to focus on cat ownership. We present our very tongue-in-check guide, inspired by life with six cats!
A is for Armadillo
The full A-Z will also be shared on Pinterest:
Follow Donna Brown’s board Blogging from A-Z Challenge on Pinterest.
Rest of the Blogging from A-Z Challenge
Click here to view the rest of the Blogging from A-Z participants!
The post A-Z of Cats: A is for Armadillo (#AtoZChallenge) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
The Bleaklisted Movies: Jaws
Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.
After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.
Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)
Jaws (1975)
What happens?
A shark terrorises a tourist hotspot but is then killed by the local police chief when it fails to smile.
Reason for bleaklisting?
It really was a bad hat, Harry!
What should have happened?
The small town of Slam Dunkity is very peaceful until one day a woman and her dog are killed while out walking. The woman is walking the dog, not the other way round. Chief Proby is called in to investigate and while everyone suspects Michael Myers, Proby things the bodies show signs of being scratched and nuzzled to death by a giant cat. Proby continues to follow this field of investigation when more bodies start to pop up. He questions every cat in the neighbourhood but none of them have seen the elusive big kitty. A scientist, Looper, confirms that Proby is right and points to evidence at the scene of each murder – a little note saying, “I was killed by a giant cat.” Proby and Looper enlist the help of pussy hunter Skint and after a trip to a nearby strip club realise there has been an unfortunate breakdown in communication. Proby, Looper and Skint decide to stick together, having bonded over a rendition of Hound Dog, and set out to locate the giant cat. After finding large footprints all over town and large noticeboards saying, “I’m Over Here!” the trio have a final encounter with the murderous cat. Skint is killed when he puts cat food on his sandwich instead of tuna, Looper is injured by a bag of cat litter, while Proby shoots the cat in a delicate place that renders him docile and more than willing to help the police with their enquiries. The town of Slam Dunkity is peaceful once more though the public still think Proby is crazy for pinning the murders on a giant cat.
Working title?
Paws.
Tagline?
The shit scary movie based on the shit scary book that never existed.
Who should direct?
Sam Raimi.
Who should star?
Morgan Freeman, Christopher Lloyd and John Mahoney.
Mr B compares the stories
Arguably Steven Spielberg’s finest movie, Jaws remains the ultimate shark movie with many poor imitations in the 40 years that have followed. Charlie has swapped the plausible idea of a rogue killer shark (Benchley’s novel was inspired by real-life attacks) for a giant cat that somehow no one sees despite its size and the plethora of clues it leaves at the crime scenes and around town. Charlie has chosen a cat simply for the adolescent possibility of some cheap “pussy” gags and nothing more. Morgan Freeman as the Police Chief, Christopher Lloyd as a scientist and John Mahoney as a saucy old git could work, just not in this appalling version.
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March 31, 2015
In the Brown Kitchen: Simply Cook and Kedgeree
I’ve always enjoyed cooking but for the first few years we lived together our kitchen was so small it diminished my enthusiasm a little. When we moved to Barnsley and my kitchen was suddenly dramatically bigger – not huge, but you could put a pan down without losing half your counter space – I found my cooking enthusiasm renewed. I’m not the world’s best cook and I’m certainly not the tidiest or best at presentation, but I enjoy it. With a personal benchmark of ‘Dave ate it and he did not die’, I’m never going to be a Masterchef but I can at least share my culinary fun along the way!
Simply Cook and Kedgeree
About Simply Cook
My ‘New Member’ pack from Simply Cook
I love to cook and I love to try new recipes but something that has always put me off is that I don’t have a huge larder. Like most of us, I can’t afford to stock every herb, spice or stock I might need and if I do buy something, I find I use it once or twice and then the spice bottle might sit, untouched, on my shelf for months. We are very fortunate to have so much choice and variety available to us, but sometimes there’s just that paralysing moment of ‘Aaaah – there are too many things to choose from! I’ll just cook the old favourites’.
Last year I subscribed to Hello Fresh for many months and was very happy with the service. I only stopped because I realised I was stockpiling recipes and trying so many new things that I rarely stepped back and tried them twice. So after a while, I decided that I would mix it up. I would get better at the old favourites, spend more time practising the not quite so old favourites and find some completely new favourites. At least one new recipe a week, I decided.
I already subscribe to a couple of cooking magazines and also have recipe books etc, so I wasn’t consciously looking for a new source of inspiration. However, I spotted Simply Cook via a promotion on Living Social and I loved the concept.
Here’s how it works:
“A SimplyCook Box gives you chef-blended Ingredient Kits and easy-to-follow Recipe Cards.
Just add a few fresh ingredients to cook delicious meals for two in under 20 minutes.”
And although I keep referring to herbs and spices, there’s a lot more to it:
Our chefs create unique flavour blends that contain as many as 18 different ingredients! Our perfectly measured kits may include culinary pastes, infused oils, garnishes, rubs, specialist stocks and herb/spice blends. You won’t find these pots in the supermarkets!
Boxes within a box – but for a reason for once!
The spices, herbs and seasonings are things that can make or break a dish but they are also the things that can put me off trying a new recipe. I loved the idea of Simply Cook providing clear recipes along with the seasoning you’d need. The plus points:
Receiving seasonings rather than full ingredients make it easier to tailor the recipe before committing.
Receiving four recipes and seasoning sets per box makes it easier to just add a new recipe into your weekly mix, rather than be cooking 4-5 new things each week.
Being able to buy additional boxes via the site (which you can tailor) means you can easily control how much or how little you want to experiment and makes it easy to revisit old favourites or seek out new inspiration.
About the first box
Recipe for kedgeree (with detachable shopping list) and seasoning box
Kudos to Simply Cook on the box. It’s well designed, very sleek and (hooray) it fits through the letterbox so I didn’t have to be there or rearrange delivery. Each meal has its own little box of seasoning, which may seem like packaging gone mad at first glance but it’s not. Instead it actually makes it really easy to stack these mini boxes in your cupboard, rather having to keep everything together in the bigger box. Extra marks for even more convenience.
The recipe cards have the usual – picture, ingredients, method, etc – but a little extra I loved and immediately made use of: a detachable ingredient list to take shopping. Very handy indeed and the cards are designed so that removing this still leaves everything else intact and ready to use. Again, brilliant design with convenience right at the forefront.
Aside from that, the cards are clear and easy to follow. The picture and introduction on the front are supported by straightforward step-by-step instructions on the reverse.
About the first recipe (Kedgeree)
Ready to get cooking!
I hadn’t made nor eaten kedgeree before but Mr B loves smoked haddock so this was a good one to start with. Obviously seasonings were provided so I just needed to add a few ingredients: egg, haddock, rice, peas. The recipe suggests things you might want to add but makes it clear these are optional. Again, full marks for convenience! It’s great to try a simpler recipe for the first time and know you can embellish later on if you want to.
I don’t like frozen peas but I substituted them for sugarsnap peas. Otherwise I followed their recipe to the letter.
Speed: Very quick and easy to do
Convenience: Minimal washing up, which made Mr B very happy
Taste: Amazing. Even as I added water to the fish stock I knew it was going to be incredible. By the time I’d put everything together, I knew I’d made the right choice (with both Simply Cook and kedgeree!).
Final Thoughts
I have three more recipes to try from box one but I already know I’m going to be giving this a shot well beyond just a couple of boxes. For ten pounds, it’s a brilliant way to add some amazing flavours to your food and wonderful recipes to your collection. The box arrived very quickly after ordering and everything about it was designed to make a busy cook’s life easier. Mr B and I will both admit we can be fussy eaters and pleasing us is far from easy. Simply Food’s service has pleased us very much indeed!
You can find out more about Simply Cook here. (Please note, I’ve used my referral link here, which will give you £5 off your first box. Prefer not to use it? Click here.)
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When Mrs B told me we were having kedgeree for tea, courtesy of Simply Cook, I will admit my first thought was what is it? It turns out that kedgeree comprises many elements – smoked haddock, basmati rice, hard boiled eggs and the addition of fish stock, a lemon & pepper seasoning and a Kedgeree Spice Blend. I am adventurous but sometimes wary when it comes to trying new dishes but I was pleasantly surprised with this one. The flavour of the sauce was divine, working beautifully with the rice, while the addition of the haddock and the hard-boiled egg complemented the dish really well. It’s safe to say kedgeree is a winner for me.
The post In the Brown Kitchen: Simply Cook and Kedgeree appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
This Month’s Films (March 2015)
Tracks (2013)
Australian adventure drama directed by John Curran and starring Mia Wasikowska. Feeling estranged from the Australian urban culture, Robyn Davidson (Wasikowska) embarks on a trek over the harsh and arid landscape of the outback from Alice Springs to the Indian Ocean. Accompanied only by four camels and her dog, she meets a number of people along the way including Mr. Eddy (Roly Mintuma), an Aboriginal man who imparts some important local wisdom to her, and Rick Smolan (Adam Driver), an ambitious National Geographic photographer who is asked to document her journey for the magazine…
Verdict: 7/10
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Kalifornia (1993)
A writer (David Duchovny) and his photographer girlfriend leave New York to drive to a new life in California, taking in several Southern States so that they can visit murder sites for their new book on serial killers. Along the way they pick up two hitchhikers, one of whom (Brad Pitt) could provide an interesting case study for their research… Also starring Juliette Lewis.
Verdict: 7/10
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The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)
Vin Diesel reprises his role as night-eyed antihero Riddick in this big-budget sequel to the 2002 sci-fi action film ‘Pitch Black’. In an attempt to evade the mercenaries after him, Riddick escapes to the distant planet of Helion – only to find himself caught in the middle of a violent and bloody intergalactic conflict between two opposing forces: the Elementals, led by Aerion (Judi Dench) and the Necromongers, led by the bloodthirsty Lord Marshall (Colm Feore).
Verdict: 6/10
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Limitless (2011)
Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro star in Limitless, a paranoia-fuelled action thriller that’ll blow your mind. Unsuccessful writer Eddie Morra’s life is transformed by NZT, a top-secret “smart drug” that allows him to use 100% of his brain and to become the perfect version of himself. But when Eddie’s enhanced abilities attract unwanted attention from the rich and powerful alike, he soon realises they’ll stop at nothing to uncover his secret.
Verdict: 7/10
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Rules of Engagement (2000)
An attorney defends an officer on trial for ordering his troops to fire on civilians after they stormed a U.S. embassy in a third world country.
Verdict: 6/10
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Oh! What a Lovely War (1969)
It was the War to end all wars – well not quite. For with the ricochet of one bullet, the entire course of human history was changed forever…Now, for the first time, Academy Award®-winner Richard Attenborough’s directorial debut is available on DVD. Based on the stage musical by the same name, Oh! What a Lovely War features a stellar cast that includes Laurence Olivier, Ralph Richardson, John Mills, John Gielgud, Maggie Smith, Vanessa Redgrave, Ian Holm, Dirk Bogarde and Susannah York. By fusing the surreal with the factual and juxtaposing savagely funny satire with quiet sorrow, Attenborough has created the oddest and most outstanding film ever made about the “game” that became World War One.
Verdict: 6/10
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Walkabout (1971)
A young sister and brother are abandoned in the harsh Australian outback and must learn to exist in the natural world, without their usual comforts, in this hypnotic masterpiece from Nicolas Roeg (Dont Look Now, The Man Who Fell to Earth). Along the way, they meet a young aborigine on his walkabout, a rite of passage in which adolescent boys are initiated into manhood by journeying into the wilderness alone. Walkabout is a thrilling adventure as well as a provocative rumination on time and civilization.
Verdict: 7/10
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The Colony (2013)
Laurence Fishburne (The Matrix), Bill Paxton (Aliens) and Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead), headline an all-star cast in this savage and unrelenting thriller about mankind’s greatest enemy: himself. As an endless winter engulfs Earth, humans struggle to survive in remote underground outposts. When Colony 7 receives a distress call from a nearby settlement, Sam (Zegers) and Briggs (Fishburne) race through the snow on a dangerous rescue mission. What they find at the desolate base could mean mankind’s salvation—or its total annihilation. Terrifying discoveries will unfold that will change the rules of survival forever.
Verdict: 3/10
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Europa Report (2013)
When unmanned probes suggest that a hidden ocean could exist underneath Europa’s icy surface and may contain single-celled life, Europa Ventures, a privately funded space exploration company, sends six of the best astronauts from around the world to confirm the data and explore the revolutionary discovery. After a near-catastrophic technical failure that leads to loss of communication with Earth and the tragic death of a crew member, the surviving astronauts must overcome the psychological and physical toll of deep space travel, and survive a discovery on Europa more profound than they had ever imagined.
Verdict: 6/10
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Diana (2013)
Celebrated and adored by millions, she was the Queen of people s hearts, yet the bittersweet story of the last man to truly capture hers has never before been told. Princess Diana (Naomi Watts), at one time the most famous woman in the world, inspired a nation with her generosity, compassion and kindness and ultimately, in her final years, she would meet the man who inspired her. In a story that is as heartbreaking as it is uplifting, DIANA reveals a period in the Princess s life that was uniquely important in fulfilling her search for true happiness and sealing her legacy.
Verdict: 3/10
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Transsiberian (2008)
Roy (Woody Harrelson) and Jessie (Emily Mortimer) are the perfect American couple traveling from Beijing to Moscow on the legendary Trans-Siberian Express train. The two strike a bond with another couple, Carlos (Eduardo Noriega) and Abby (Kate Mara), who are not exactly as they appear. Unwittingly, Roy and Jessie are caught in a web of drug trafficking and murderous deceit when all four become targets of ex-KGB detective Grinko’s (Ben Kingsley) investigation.
Verdict: 7/10
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Defiance (2008)
Daniel Craig (James Bond: Quantum of Solace) stars as Tuvia Bielski, an ordinary citizen turned hero, in this action-packed epic of family, honor, vengeance and salvation. Defiance is a riveting adventure that showcases the extraordinary true story of the Bielski brothers, simple farmers –outnumbered and outgunned- who turned a group of war refugees into powerful freedom fighters. Tuvia, along with his unyielding brother, Zus (Liev Schreiber, X-Men Origins: Wolverine), motivate hundreds of civilians to join their ranks against the Nazi regime. Their “Inspirational story”* is a true testament to the human spirit.
Verdict: 6/10
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Hiroshima Mon Amour (1959)
A cornerstone of French cinema, Alain Resnais’ first feature is one of the most influential films of all time. A French actress (Emmanuelle Riva) and a Japanese architect (Eiji Okada) engage in a brief, intense affair in postwar Hiroshima, their consuming fascination impelling them to exorcise their own scarred memories of love and suffering. Utilizing an innovative flashback structure and an Academy Award-nominated screenplay by novelist Marguerite Duras, Resnais delicately weaves past and present, personal pain and public anguish, in this moody masterwork.
Verdict: 8/10
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Rango (2011)
Rango is an ordinary chameleon who accidentally winds up in the town of Dirt, a lawless outpost in the Wild West in desperate need of a new sheriff.
Verdict: 7/10
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Born into Brothels (2004)
A tribute to the resiliency of childhood and the restorative power of art, BORN INTO BROTHELS is a portrait of several unforgettable children who live in Calcutta’s red light district, where there mothers work as prostitutes. Spurred by the kids’ fascination with her camera, Zana Briski, a New-York-based photographer living in the brothels and documenting life there, decides to teach them photography. As they begin to look at and record their world through new eyes, the kids, who society refused to recognize, awaken for the first time to their own talents and sense of worth. Filmmakers Ross Kauffman and Zana Briski capture the way in which beauty can be found even the seemingly bleakest and most helpless of places, and how art and education can empower children to transform their lives.
Verdict: 8/10
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Dreamgirls (2006)
A trio of black female soul singers cross over to the pop charts in the early 1960s, facing their own personal struggles along the way.
Verdict: 8/10
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Closer (2004)
A witty, romantic, and very dangerous love story about chance meetings, instant attractions, and casual betrayals. CLOSER is director Mike Nichols’ critically acclaimed look at four strangers—Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen—with one thing in common: each other.
Verdict: 6/10
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Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2 (2014)
Joe Cross examines how to make healthy habits last. Joe meets with experts who present realistic solutions to make long-term sustainable improvements to eating behaviors and overall health.
Verdict: 6/10
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The post This Month’s Films (March 2015) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
This Month’s Books (March 2015)
Othello (1603)
In Othello, Shakespeare creates a powerful drama of a marriage that begins with fascination (between the exotic Moor Othello and the Venetian lady Desdemona), with elopement, and with intense mutual devotion and that ends precipitately with jealous rage and violent deaths. He sets this story in the romantic world of the Mediterranean, moving the action from Venice to the island of Cyprus and giving it an even more exotic coloring with stories of Othello’s African past. Shakespeare builds so many differences into his hero and heroine—differences of race, of age, of cultural background—that one should not, perhaps, be surprised that the marriage ends disastrously. But most people who see or read the play feel that the love that the play presents between Othello and Desdemona is so strong that it would have overcome all these differences were it not for the words and actions of Othello’s standard-bearer, Iago, who hates Othello and sets out to destroy him by destroying his love for Desdemona. As Othello succumbs to Iago’s insinuations that Desdemona is unfaithful, fascination—which dominates the early acts of the play—turns to horror, especially for the audience. We are confronted by spectacles of a generous and trusting Othello in the grip of Iago’s schemes; of an innocent Desdemona, who has given herself up entirely to her love for Othello only to be subjected to his horrifying verbal and physical assaults, the outcome of Othello’s mistaken convictions about her faithlessness.
Verdict: 5/5
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The Man Who Would Be King (1888)
The rugged mountains of 19th-century Afghanistan serve as the backdrop for this humorous and action-packed tale of two happy-go-lucky Britons who take over a remote kingdom. The colorful inhabitants and beautiful prose enrich a beautifully powerful ending.
Verdict: 3/5
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Yasmine Surovec – Poems About Cats (2015)
Cats have long been an inspiration to artists and poets. In this heartwarming collection, artist Yasmine Surovec of catversushuman.com presents an illustrated anthology of literary adulation and poetic tributes to the always-alluring, ever-beloved cat.
From Shakespeare to Blake to Rosetti to Wordsworth to classic nursery rhymes, cats have been celebrated in poetry for as long as they have been warming laps. Cats are mysterious, adorable, finicky, and cherished; and they have been beloved muses for some of our most renowned poets, writers, and artists. This inspired collection presents treasured poems and nursery rhymes illustrated with the whimsical, irresistible art of Yasmine Surovec.
Verdict: 4/5
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David Hume – History of England: Vol 1 Part A – From the Britons of Early Times to King John (1762)
The first volume in Hume’s six volume series tracing the history of England from the invasion of Julius Caesar to the Glorious Revolution of 1688.
Verdict: 4/5
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H.P. Mallory – To Kill a Warlock (2010)
The murder of a dark arts warlock. A shape-shifting, ravenous creature on the loose. A devilishly handsome stranger sent to investigate. Sometimes working law enforcement for the Netherworld is a real bitch.
Dulcie O’Neil is a fairy. And not the type to frolic in gardens. She’s a Regulator—a law-enforcement agent who monitors the creatures of the Netherworld to keep them from wreaking havoc in the mortal world. When a warlock is murdered and Dulcie was the last person to see him alive, she must uncover the truth before she’s either deported back to the Netherworld, or she becomes the next victim.
Enter Knight Vander, a sinfully attractive investigator sent from the Netherworld to work the case with Dulcie. Between battling her attraction to her self-appointed partner, keeping a sadomasochistic demon in check, and fending off the advances of a sexy and powerful vampire, Dulcie’s got her hands full. As the body count increases, Dulcie finds herself battling dark magic, reconnoitering in S&M clubs and suffering the greatest of all betrayals.
Verdict: 2/5
Mark Twain – A Horse’s Tale (1907)
I am Buffalo Bill’s horse. I have spent my life under his saddle — with him in it, too, and he is good for two hundred pounds, without his clothes; and there is no telling how much he does weigh when he is out on the war-path and has his batteries belted on. He is over six feet, is young, hasn’t an ounce of waste flesh, is straight, graceful, springy in his motions, quick as a cat, and has a handsome face, and black hair dangling down on his shoulders, and is beautiful to look at; and nobody is braver than he is, and nobody is stronger, except myself.
Verdict: 3/5
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Jason Tesar – Awaken His Eyes (The Awakened #1)
THE HISTORY: Over five thousand years ago, a renegade faction of angels abandoned the spiritual realm and began their inhabitation of earth. Worshipped as gods for their wisdom and power, they corrupted the realm of the physical and forever altered the course of history.
THE PROPHECY: Amidst the chaos of a dying world, a lone voice foretold the awakening of a warrior who would bring an end to this evil perpetrated against all of creation. But with the cataclysmic destruction of earth and rebirth of humanity, the prophecy went unfulfilled and eventually faded from the memory of our kind—until now!
THE AWAKENED: The physical dimension is fractured. What remain now are numerous fragmented worlds moving simultaneously through time, sharing a common history, connected only by a guarded portal. On a parallel earth, in the city of Bastul, Colonel Adair Lorus disappears while investigating the death of an informant, triggering a series of events which will tear his family apart and set in motion the resolution of an ancient struggle.
Kael, sentenced to death after rising up against the cruel leadership of his new step-father, is rescued from prison and trained in the arts of war by a mystical order of clerics. Excelling in every aspect of his training, Kael inwardly struggles to give himself fully to the methods of his new family, or the god they worship.
Maeryn, bitter over the disappearance of her husband and supposed execution of her son, fears for her life at the hands of her newly appointed husband. Finding comfort and purpose in her unborn child, she determines to undermine his authority by reaching out to an underground social movement known as the Resistance.
After being forced from his home, Kael’s former mentor, Saba, uncovers a clue to Adair’s disappearance. Sensing a connection to his own forgotten past, Saba begins an investigation which leads to the discovery of a secret military organization operating within the Orudan Empire.
In book one of his debut series, Jason Tesar delves into the heart of an ancient legend, embarking on an epic saga that will journey from earth’s mythological past to its post-apocalyptic future, blending the genres of fantasy, sci-fi, and military/political suspense.
Verdict: 2/5
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Max Thompson – The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats (2008)
People, you need help. Truly you do. You bring home these cute little balls of fur and squeal at its cuteness, declare your life complete because of it,and then get upset when your New Meaning of Life that you treasure poops in the bathtub or hocks a hairball into your shoe. You need to know the rules. You meed to know the truth. Max Thompson, known far and wide as “The Psychokitty” is an expert on all things kitty and has finally decided to share the wisdom of his years of dealing with People, and his in-depth discussions with kitties online. This is his gift to you, the People who are willingly owned by cats. A gift that costs less than $15. Because that’s how generous he is. Complete with paw-drawn illustrations!
Verdict: 3/5
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The post This Month’s Books (March 2015) appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
March 30, 2015
The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #26
Monday
Beard Face was feeling a little down today. His job interviews from last week came to nothing, largely due to the fact he showed up for both wearing nothing but his underpants and a Batman cape. Luckily, Frizzy Hair was on hand to cheer him up with offers of chocolate and a subscription to the men’s magazine I’m a Tool and I Know it. The magazine had the desired effect. The old boy has been happily reading away all afternoon and even laughing at people as pathetic as he is.
Tuesday
Beard Face bounced back today by securing another job interview. More admin work for the old boy so hopefully he’ll go with a shirt and tie this time. It can’t do any harm. Elsewhere in the Brown household Frizzy Hair is gearing up for the A-Z Challenge next month and it’s all about cats. I knew there was a reason that I liked Frizzy Hair so much. Hopefully the blog posts will be eloquent and if she happens to mention me, well, I suppose I’ll just about manage to handle all the praise.
This is a typical serving for Beard Face. He has 4,859 servings a day!
Wednesday
Beard Face is reading The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas. This is a positive step in the respect that it’s a good book but negative in the respect that every five minutes the old boy bellows, “All for one, and one for all.” It’s memorable motto without question but when you hear it twelve times every hour it does start to grind at you. I’m sure Mr Dumas would have smiled at the thought of children running around the streets pretending to be the musketeers but a grown man with a crap beard doing it probably wouldn’t inspire the same pride.
Thursday
There’s been a pleasant smell in the house the last 24 hours. No, Beard Face hasn’t moved out, which is a great shame. Instead, Frizzy Hair has been baking and she’s done a great job as well. I’d say she wouldn’t be out of place on Masterchef or The Great British Bake Off, she’s that good. Fairy cakes and a rhubarb cake were on offer and the latter in particular looked delicious. Beard Face enjoyed a slice of rhubarb so much that he closed his eyes, moaned aloud and devoured several pieces. He was so excited by this endeavour that he must have emitted something he didn’t intend because at one point he looked down at his trousers, excused himself, went to the bathroom and came back wearing a different pair of trousers. Make of that what you will.
Friday
Beard Face and Frizzy Hair watched a documentary today about sugar. Beard Face embraced the moment by eating chocolate, cake and having a fizzy drink while he did so. Frizzy Hair was too shocked by the many stats about sugar to eat anything at all. Not even when the host turned to the camera and said, “Beard Face, you is a fat, pathetic moron who needs to cut down one the sweet stuff,” did the old boy stop with his indulgence. He actually turned to Frizzy Hair and said, “All this food on TV is making me hungry. Waitress, go and get me some ice cream.” Unsurprisingly Frizzy Hair hasn’t spoken to her husband for the rest of the day but that might be down to him feeling the effects of laxative flavoured vanilla ice cream. Tasty.
Saturday
Another weekend is here and tonight the clocks go forward by one hour. I spent six hours trying to explain this concept to Buggles. He said clocks can’t go forward one hour because an hour is a measurement of time and not distance. Buggles is intending to stay up late and watch as many clocks as he can to see if they do indeed move. I think I’ll stick with the rest of the household in getting some sleep and lamenting the fact I’ll be losing an hour. Life is such a bitch.
Sunday
We have a visitor. Frizzy Hair’s mum has left her cat with us again! This is a scandalous breach of trust with this “other” cat getting a room to herself once again. I must do something to express my outrage at this latest slap round the face. I’ve called on the other cats to back me on this one but they’re too pre-occupied. Bilbo is seeking cuddles as usual, Razz has been practising for The Annual Wobble Bottom Fart Competition, Frodo has been asleep, while Charlie and Buggles have been plotting a daring assault on the living room tablecloth. It’s not been going well. Looks like I’ll have to voice my displeasure alone about this sudden turn of events.
The post The Diary of Mr Kain: Week #26 appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
Inspire Me Monday: Mrs B’s Origami Adventures #1
On Mondays I’ll be taking part in Inspire Me Monday run by Create With Joy. Why not head on over to the site and see what’s inspiring dozens of amazing and creative bloggers this week?
For years I’ve been intrigued by origami but never got around to taking that interest a step further. Then I saw a book with ten patterns and a stack of origami paper one day and decided to take the plunge. Mrs B’s Origami Adventures will chart my journey from the basic models – along with all the misfolds, creases and questionable ‘symmetry’ – through to my ultimate goal of advanced designs and modular origami polyhedra.
Mrs B’s Origami Adventures: Week One
This week saw me tackle the crane, the fox, the butterfly, the water lily and the iris. All of which need much more work. However, to begin with I just wanted to try a few different things, get used to the paper and the folds and the different techniques. I’m looking forward to practising these models a lot more over the coming months!
The post Inspire Me Monday: Mrs B’s Origami Adventures #1 appeared first on B-Lines and Felines.
March 26, 2015
In the Brown Kitchen: Strawberry and Raspberry Trifle
I’ve always enjoyed cooking but for the first few years we lived together our kitchen was so small it diminished my enthusiasm a little. When we moved to Barnsley and my kitchen was suddenly dramatically bigger – not huge, but you could put a pan down without losing half your counter space – I found my cooking enthusiasm renewed. I’m not the world’s best cook and I’m certainly not the tidiest or best at presentation, but I enjoy it. With a personal benchmark of ‘Dave ate it and he did not die’, I’m never going to be a Masterchef but I can at least share my culinary fun along the way!
Strawberry and Raspberry Trifle
This recipe was actually for ginger and strawberry trifle, courtesy of Eat In magazine. However, as I was worried the taste of ginger biscuits might overwhelm the rest of the ingredients, I opted for using Lotus Biscoff Caramelised Biscuits instead. This was (mostly) a good choice. More on that in a minute. To compensate for losing the ginger, I added in an extra flavour by using raspberries too.
It was my first attempt at making custard and it went pretty well. No lumps or icky skin. The recipe called for layering banana, custard, strawberry and biscuits. My final layering was banana, custard, biscuit, strawberry and raspberry, custard, strawberry and raspberry. Mr B topped his off with some single cream.
What went wrong?
Shortly after dividing out the custard, fruit, biscuits etc and making up the trifles, we ate a mini one each. Delicious. The flaw in the plan was that the mini trifles we ate later on had had time to sit and the crunchy biscuit had become a soggy mess. Urgh.
What would I do differently next time?
I’ll be keeping everything separate until serving time next time. Soggy biscuits are unforgivable!
End result?
I often avoid trifle because I don’t like the texture of soggy sponge. This wasn’t a traditional approach to trifle but the combination of raspberries, strawberries, biscuits and custard was very enjoyable.
Success or failure?
I’m calling this a win. As long as there aren’t any more soggy biscuits…
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Mrs B put a lot of pressure on herself with this one. First time making home made custard with the added stress of making sure it wasn’t lumpy and definitely bereft of skin. We have high expectations but excellent taste when it comes to custard. Final verdict? The whole thing – custard, strawberries, raspberries, biscuits and that delicious cream topping – tasted ten times better than the last trifle I had which was from the supermarket. My only complaint is that two servings of the trifle simply weren’t enough.
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March 25, 2015
The Bleaklisted Movies: Reservoir Dogs
Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.
After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.
Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
What happens?
A group of guys named after colours take part in a heist. It goes a bit wrong, they meet at a warehouse, listen to some great music then everyone dies.
Reason for bleaklisting?
The absence of Mr Green, Mr Black, Mr Purple, Mr Burgundy and, of course, Mr Sugared Lilac.
What should have happened?
A group of guys who name themselves after Dulux paint colours take part in the heist of a local KFC. Names such as Mr Blue Lagoon, Mr Putting Green and Mr Ivory Clouds confuse the staff and make stealing their cash that bit easier. Despite arriving in a getaway car, the robbers don’t drive away from the scene of the crime. Instead, they toss their guns in the back of the car, fish out some sports bags and get changed into some very flamboyant running gear. They jog away from KFC just as the police arrive and no one is suspicious of half a dozen guys leaving the scene with three bags with those “$” signs on them you see in those silly cartoons. The thieves head down a nearby canal but things go wrong when Mr Lemon Tropics twists his ankle and exclaims, “I wish we’d never taken part in that heist at the KFC about 4 miles back that way.” This conversation is overheard by a fisherman who manages to fool the thieves into believing he is the sister of Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and so they leave him alone. The thieves are eventually captured at a reservoir where Mr Coral Flair and Mr Caramel Cream are having an argument about Miami Vice. With the robbers all captured the movie ends with a shot of the famous dog from the Dulux adverts who looks very happy indeed.
Working title?
Reservoir Jogs.
Tagline?
Let’s go for a run.
Who should direct?
Martin Scorsese.
Who should star?
Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, Vinnie Jones, Mickey Rourke, Mike Tyson and Andy Garcia.
Mr B compares the stories
Quentin Tarantino’s breakthrough movie remains one of his best. The initially simple premise of a heist gone wrong builds on the complexity as the narrative unravels. Charlie, strangely dismissing Tarantino’s movie, has kept with the heist but has given us a group of guys named after paint colours whose criminal ambitions do not extend beyond robbing a local KFC. It just seems too implausible for me and for anyone else with the capacity of thought but Charlie isn’t renowned for his great ideas. The cast of comedians and tough guys is…interesting.
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March 24, 2015
Book Excerpt (Audio): The Transformation of Anna – Charlene A. Wilson
Please enjoy this audio excerpt of The Transformation of Anna by Charlene A. Wilson:
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About The Transformation of Anna
For centuries, Cole Shilo has mourned the loss of his wife, Mianna, and drowned himself in his work as Head Sentinel of Cornerstone Deep. But when he is sent to harvest a second-class woman who has broken curfew, her soul calls out to him. His response couldn’t have been worst timed. The Lords and the Gods are not happy.
Rebirth isn’t possible on Cornerstone Deep…
Is it?
“My life is a mirage of endless time. But you engulf me, rivet my mind, encompass my soul.”
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About Charlene A. Wilson
Charlene A. Wilson is an author of tales that take you to other dimensions. She weaves magic, lasting love, and intrigue to immerse you into the lives of her characters.
She began writing in her early teens when her vivid dreams stayed with her long after she had them. The characters and worlds were so amazing she brought them to life through her books.
Charlene resides in a small community in Arkansas, USA, with her two beautiful daughters, husband, a cuddly Pekingese, and a very chatty cockatiel named Todder.
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