Jeff Kay's Blog, page 6

Guest Post From Producer Zipp: Nixon On The Moon

Hey everyone, this is K. Thomas Zipperer, or Producer Zipp, as Jeff so lovingly calls me, and the big dog himself has given me a shot at the Surf Report, so I’m gonna try a little harder than I normally do at stuff to impress you.

Anywho, it’s Halloween, one of the best, if not the best holidays of the year. And even though Halloween 2020 was supposed to be as dope as something called ‘Halloween 2020’ could be, with it taking place on the one Saturday of the year that the bars will be open an extra hour. So yeah, if this God damn virus wasn’t happening, we could have had a real bad ass spooky season.

But instead, we’re stuck ‘trunk r treating’, or even worse, doing non spooky things with our loved ones at home. The horror.

And to top this all off, Halloween is taking place on not only a full moon, but a BLUE moon! Which, by the way, is two full moons in the same month and has nothing to do with the color of the moon. And I mean, come on, when have you ever looked up at the sky and seen a literal blue fucking moon? You don’t think you’d have noticed that by now? I digress.

So, to honor what little shred of spooky holiday spirit we’re gonna have this year, and in observation of the full moon Halloween that could have been, I wrote a full podcast episode about….the Moon! Some of you might be thinking to yourself,”That sounds stupid. It’s just a big dumb rock in the sky. How scary could it be??”

Well, yeah, I guess if you phrase it like that, it does sound kinda stupid. But too bad, cause I already wrote and released it here. If you’re wondering, we cover myths and legends associated with the moon, modern horrors and misconceptions associated with moonlight, and the Apollo space program. Plus, there’s an awesome horror sketch that takes place at the beginning of the episode that gives you a chance to hear me die, which I imagine is the fantasy of some of ya’ll when I guest host for Jeff on the podcast.

While researching, I came across a ton of shit, as it seems like every culture, society, or religion has some tale or another involving the Moon. I think this plethora of content can be easily explained by the fact that everyone can see the Goddamn Moon. 

It’s not subtle.

Oh shit, ya’ll can see me?

But, the most genuinely chilling and disturbing thing I came across didn’t involve aliens, or mythical beasts, or any of that other sci-fi nonsense.  No, it involves a villain who’s infamy will reign through the halls of time.

Richard ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon.

Even though Nixon himself wasn’t personally on the Eagle when it landed (which is actually the plot for a sci-fi/historical fiction novel I’m working on), as the commander-in-chief it was his responsibility to lead the United States along on the journey to the Moon. This entailed some of the basics like announcing that, indeed, the eagle had landed.

However, like with pretty much anything leadership involved, you’re gonna have to eat some shit every so often.

And in this case, the shit Nixon almost ate was a heaping spoonful of dead ass astronauts if anything happened to Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. As is customary for large, ambitious endeavors, those responsible prepared two speeches. One for if they’re successful, and one for if they fail.

Two famous presidential examples include General Dwight D Eisenhower on D-Day and Harry S Truman if the A-bomb turned out to be a really expensive dud.

It was gonna be fuckin’ sick, I swear.

Nixon was no exception. Below is the content of the speech that was to be given in case the Eagle didn’t land. Or landed too hard. Or if carnivorous moon worms turned out to be a real thing.

As you can see, the speech does a great job beautifully eulogizing two very brave men on the cutting edge of human exploration. It would have been a heavy moment, no doubt, but it would have been handled in a way that balanced the appreciation of their sacrifice with the poetry and symbolism inherent with such a monumental event. Thankfully, Nixon’s original ending line was “sock it to me”, but he was convinced to drop it at the request of the producers of ‘Laugh-In’.

I won’t lie, I find the speech chilling to read, mostly because it makes me realize how close we came to confronting the evitable daunting reality of losing a human body in space. I’ll touch more on that in a bit, but first I have to point out how fucking creepy the phrase “widow-to-be” is. And it was 1969, so they probably would have called Mrs. Armstrong and Mrs. Aldrin that to their face.

But what this means is NASA prepared for the possibility of Buzz and Neil just being stuck there, slowly running out of oxygen while Michael Collins orbited above, grateful he picked the short straw and stayed in the command module.

For those wondering, with the exception of three cosmonauts during the Space Race days, no humans have actually died in space. They all die either coming up, or going back down. Which is totally understandable, as it seems fairly dangerous.

Now, the concept of a human body being lost to space disturbs me because it’s just so permanent. You’re just gonna float and float and float forever until you hit a star or a moon worm eats you. And if you really want to make your head hurt, just imagine the actual possibility that the first human to accidentally be tossed into space could float for millions of years and be found by a future and/or alien civilization. If I’m starting to sound like your brother’s high friend, yes, I am high while writing this.

But the Moon as a possible permanent resting place offers a unique issue for the rest of us humans who survive here on Earth. We all have to collectively be sad every time we look up at the night sky. I also imagine full moons would be a bummer for the ‘widows-to-be’ for quite a while.

“Everytime I look at the Moon, all I see is him”

“Who? Oh right, your dead astronaut husband”

As you can see at the end of Nixon’s unused speech, the intention was to treat this nightmare Twilight Zone premise as a burial at sea, except the ones being ‘buried’ weren’t dead, but for all intents and purposes were to be considered deceased once radio transmissions cut off. Just imagine the horror of that situation. Stuck in a little Jiffy Pop popping pan, 240,000 miles away from the nearest human or unfiltered cigarette! I wonder what Neil and Buzz would have done in the meantime. Played cards? Turned off their oxygen early, just to get it over with? My vote would have gone to drinking all the tang and opening the hatch. Let the laws of physics have a go at my dead carcass and give those moon worms something to talk about when they find my fat, bloated corpse covered in moon dust.

But, alas, those brave men, who some would say had the ‘right’ ‘stuff’, didn’t perish. They landed successfully, Moon walked, and floated their happy asses back to Earth to take a well deserved splash in the ocean. They followed this up with a short, fun filled stay in quarantine, which I’m sure was exactly what they wanted to do after spending a week cooped up together in space.

They only quarantined due to Nixon’s irrational fear of moon worm eggs 

And finally, once the entire ordeal was finally over, the trio returned to their possible ‘widows-to-be’ and had what I assume was the best sex of their lives. Except Michael Collins. He had to hover outside Buzz’s and Neil’s rooms while they made love. Bummer.

Thomas Zipperer is a writer, podcaster, editor, and voice performer. He hosts the weekly comedy show No Redeeming Qualities, and produces the political podcast 1 Big Toilet. He can be contacted at K.Thomas.Zipperer@gmail.com

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). In Canada? Do your holiday shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

The post Guest Post From Producer Zipp: Nixon On The Moon first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

What’s The Craziest Thing You Ever Witnessed At A Party?

While I was in West Virginia last weekend my parents took me out for a grand tour of the area. I mean, I grew up there and know it like the back o’ my hand, but things change a little here and a little there. And we always go out in the car and just drive around. This would make some people insane, I realize, but I don’t mind it. It’s pleasant time spent with my folks. In any case, when we were in Dunbar we went past a house where my friend Rocky and I introduced alcohol into some kind of ludicrous no-alcohol party. This was in high school, a million years ago, but that house will always remind me of that night of high-craziness.

I’ve told the story many times, so I’ll just summarize it now. Rocky dragged me to this thing because he was hot for some girl who was going to be there. When we walked in people were playing backgammon and drinking soda and listening to a novelty song based on the Who Shot J.R.? craze. I told you it was a long time ago… But we walked into this nerd jubilee and I think I audibly blurted, “What the fuck?!” There were fedoras and a sheet cake… It was hard for my brain to process what was happening before me. What is this, My Three Sons?

But Rocky set off on his mission to woo some young lass, and I just wandered around absorbing the “Why is he here?!” looks that were being hurled my way. And within seconds, Rocky was back and agitated. Apparently his mission had failed, in an accelerated fashion. “Let’s go get some beer,” he said. You told me this is a no-alcohol party, I reminded him. Screw that, he replied.

Fast forward an hour or two and the place was rocking. People were filing in at a steady clip, more and more alcohol appeared, the Who Shot J.R.? record was ripped from the turntable and flung behind a chair, replaced by Molly Hatchet. And Rocky went wild. I’ll bullet-point his most memorable antics:

He repeatedly locked himself in bathrooms, refusing to come out. I was enlisted to convince him to open the door. Why was he doing this? Who the hell knows?
Without provocation he wound up like freaking Catfish Hunter and hurled a slice of pizza against a kitchen wall. The “Italian fastball” as it came to be known. It stuck there for a second or two, then slid down in a big greasy streak.
He rifled through the host’s underwear and bra drawer.
He took a majestic arcing piss off the second-floor deck, in the direction of the now-displaced nerds huddled in the backyard.

In addition, there was a wig (belonging to the host’s mother?) that ended up in a toilet and pissed upon (and through) by dozens of people, and my friend Bill hid many empty beer cans all over the house — down inside boots, behind the soup cans in the pantry, inside toilet tanks, etc. I have no doubt they were finding them 10 years later, reminders of the no-alcohol party.

The parents made some phone calls the next day, and I got into some low-grade trouble because of that night. But I didn’t really do anything, except help bring in that first batch of beer. Rocky, on the other hand, was grounded for a long, long time. Heh. The man was unleashed!

What’s the craziest things you’ve witnessed at a party? Tell us about it, won’t you? I’ll leave the comments open for a while, but please no politics, OK? Just tell us about the ridiculousness you’ve seen at parties. We don’t need any of that other stuff.

I was also at a so-called “attic party” in Greensboro many years ago and a big fight broke out, like something off TV. It was wild! During the process a glass coffee table was shattered into about 10,000 pieces, and I high-tailed it out of there. Craziness. People were throwing haymakers.

What do you have on this subject? Please bring us up to date on it.

And I’ll see you guys again soon!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). In Canada? Do your holiday shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

The post What's The Craziest Thing You Ever Witnessed At A Party? first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

A Few Quick Things, vol. 50

As mentioned, Producer Zipp sat in for me on the podcast while I was out o’ town recently. You can hear it here. In the episode, he tells a story about a crafty raccoon that kept attacking his flock of ducks and chickens. He mentioned that once the beast was finally dispatched, he hung its tail from the coop as a reminder to the raccoon community at large that they’d best tread lightly. Yesterday he sent me a photo of it, and I thought I’d share. That should do the trick! Raccoons, by the way, look cute and cuddly, but don’t let ’em fool you. They’ll mess you up.

I returned to work yesterday for the first time since September 29. I had 2755 emails. I was there for more than eleven hours, with no lunch, and got it down to something in the high 600s. I also had other issues that I’m not going to write about. But I came to the following conclusion: I’m either never going on vacation again, or never returning from the next one. Those are the only prudent courses of action, as far as I can tell. Today is going to be another ball-masher. Looking forward to it!

In the new episode of the podcast I did a rundown of the food we had while on vacation. ‘Cause food is one of the top three great things about vacation. You can hear it right here. And I mentioned that we also partook (I’m surprised that’s actually a word) of the local craft beers (another of the top three). Either by drinking them there, or buying stuff and muling it back home. Oh, we brought a lot of stuff back with us. And here’s a rundown for you fellow craft beer snobs out there. I kept impeccable notes!

Hoppyum IPA

Overly Friendly IPA

Sweetwater IPA

Pernicious IPA

Sweetwater Brewing variety pack

New South IPA

Hopsequences IPA

Huger Street IPA

Highland Brewing variety pack

Fuller’s London Pride (a British favorite I rarely see)

Bound By Time IPA

Grand Strand IPA

IPA variety pack (from four different breweries)

In the unlikely event that you’d like to know the components of those variety packs, let me know. I can provide the information. Ha! kick-ass Pernicious IPA). Did we get carried away? Perhaps. But most of this stuff is not available to us in the Upper Pierogi Belt. Now we’re stocked.

Speaking of travel, I’m going to West Virginia on Saturday, to visit my parents. They’re leaving for Florida on November 1, so the window of opportunity is quickly closing. I’m driving on Saturday and Tuesday, and will be there Sunday and Monday. It’s another long-ass ride (7 hours, 50 minutes according to Google). So, there you go. By the end of the week I’ll have everything caught up at work and everything will go down the ol’ poop-catcher again. Oh well. I need to see them before they disembark for the winter. I’m going by myself this time, and hopefully the Van Halen Channel will still be up and running on SiriusXM. If so, I’ll be logging many hours on that thing. I might also listen to Mark Everett’s (E of the Eels) memoir, Things The Grandchildren Should Know. I read it when it first came out, but am feeling the urge to revisit it. Maybe via audiobook this time? In any case, please contribute to Phantom Ass Syndrome research whenever possible. Together we can defeat it.

Are any of you in Canada? If so, I want to remind you that I’m still up and running with Amazon Canada. The USA kicked me out, for reasons unknown, but Canada (kinder, gentler folks) is still working. That’s all I’m saying. I’m not urging you to do anything out of the ordinary, just keeping you informed. It’s all about the information. Information is king.

And speaking of Amazon, I bought season 15 of Top Gear a couple of days ago, so I can watch a couple of episodes with my dad. I know he’ll love it. For years I’ve been encouraging him to seek out the show, and he just says, “Yeah, yeah…” But I’m going to sit down with him and watch an episode or two while I’m there. I picked season 15 because it contains the episode about the Reliant Robin, which is flat-out hilarious. He’s gonna love it! I think.

And I’m going to stop right here. I need to fill the void (eat lunch) and go back to work.

Have a great day, my friends. Comments will be open for two days.

See ya soon!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post A Few Quick Things, vol. 50 first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

Some Photos From Our Just-Ended Myrtle Beach Trip!

I’m going to post some photos here, over the next couple o’ days, of our just-ended trip to Myrtle Beach. And, by the way, I’d rate the vacation a big fat A. Two days were a little cool and rainy, and that’s the only reason I didn’t go with A+. A fantastic trip! This is going to take me a while, so I’ll do it piecemeal. Please check back.

This is might be one of the best pictures I’ve ever taken. I don’t know, but I love it. It’s just my cell phone, with no filters or anything. The moon was crazy-bright the whole time we were there.

I took four shots of this sunset. The first two were orange, and the second two were pink. Just minutes apart. I like this one too, but all I had to do was point and click.

This one’s a little blurry, but I like the blur. I took it late at night from our balcony: a police SUV cruising the beach. Unfortunately, a Myrtle Beach policeman was killed that same night, in the line of duty.

One of our must-visit restaurants in Myrtle Beach is Big Mike’s Soul Food. This time I opted for fried chicken, macaroni & cheese, collard greens, boiled cabbage, and cornbread. I was under pressure to order, and might’ve adjusted things slightly if I’d had more time to consider it. But everything was fantastic, as usual.

A generic beach shot, taken from Springmaid Pier, that I like. Low-tide, when Toney likes to go out for her five-mile walks. And when I stay back at the hotel and tell myself I should probably join her, but just look at my phone instead. This time I’m with her.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post Some Photos From Our Just-Ended Myrtle Beach Trip! first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

New Podcast Episode Available: Hosted By Producer Zipp!

Ahoy, Surf Reporters! I just wanted to drop in real fast and alert you to a new episode of the podcast, hosted by Producer Zipp. He graciously offered to sit in for me while I was on vacation, and he turned out a great episode! Check it out.

Also, just so you know… I’m allowing comments for two days, but I set it so I have to approve them before they appear on the site. If there’s anything political, it goes straight to the shitbox. After two days, comments will be closed. It’s a shame that I have to do this, but that’s the current situation.

I’m planning to post some photos from our trip later today. It was beautiful! Early October is the time to visit Myrtle Beach.

See ya soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post New Podcast Episode Available: Hosted By Producer Zipp! first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

I’ll Be Back In About A Week And A Half

Follow us on Instagram to keep track of the Myrtle Beach shenanigans. It’s a well-earned vacation, my friends. Well fucking earned. And, just so you know, I’ve been forced to turn off comments at the site, because of some folks’ absolute inability to stop injecting politics into everything. It’s insane, but whatever. If you want that kind of thing, the internet will provide. But you ain’t getting it here. When I return I’ll reassess, and might go to a set-up where I have to personally approve every comment. Which, by the way, is ridiculous and something I’m already starting to become resentful about. Or I might just do away with comments altogether. We’ll see. In the meantime, vacation time beckons. I’ll see you over on Instagram and Facebook. Also, there’s a podcast out there. Have a great week and a half!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post I'll Be Back In About A Week And A Half first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

Recommendation: My All-Time Favorite Rock n Roll Quantum Physics Movie

OK, it’s the only one I’ve ever seen, and probably the only one that exists. But that’s neither here nor there. Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives is a great documentary. And it’s great not only because it features one of my favorite indie rock stars — Mark Everett of the Eels. It’s because it’s well-executed, I learned things, and there’s a quest of sorts that creates a bit of suspense. It’s fun to watch, and it’s only an hour long. And brevity is a dying art that I appreciate wherever I can find it.

I’ve seen the Eels in concert more than any other band, by a long-shot. Probably ten times total, somewhere in that neighborhood. My kids grew up listening to their music, alongside the Beatles and all the classics. Mark Everett, who is known to fans as E, is a god in our house. But why is he involved in a film about physics? You ask good questions, my friend.

As unlikely as it might seem, the father of the singer in this video was an accomplished physicist who came up with the “many-worlds” theory. His name was Hugh Everett, and when he first presented the theory it was rejected and ridiculed. It turns out the physicist community is just as petty, catty and shitty as any other. From all accounts, E’s father never recovered from this rejection, not really. Indeed, he died at age 51. However… after he was gone there was a reexamination of his work and he’s now considered to be a genius. And how’s that for a kick to the balls?

In the documentary E meets with physicists who knew his father, and others who attempt to help him understand his father’s signature contribution. It’s very interesting, and a lot of fun. In fact, at one of their shows I attended in Philly they played the entire movie as the opening act. After the Eels came out and ripped through two or three songs E asked the audience, “So, do you want more quantum physics, or more rock n roll?” When the audience responded in the predictable manner, E muttered, “Yeah. Take that, Dad.”

Even if you’re unfamiliar with the Eels (something you should remedy) I think you’ll enjoy this movie. It was produced by the BBC, and is very well done. It’s available right here, whenever you want to watch it. In this world, and probably a few of the others too.

I also recommend E’s autobiography, Things The Grandchildren Should Know. It’s one of the best, least-pretentious rock bios I’ve ever read. There’s also a well-reviewed book about Hugh Everett, but I haven’t read it yet.

Do you enjoy documentaries? I love ’em. In fact, I just signed up for HBO Max because of all the docs they have on there. I’m planning to watch Class Action Park ASAP. Man, that shit is right in my wheelhouse.

What are your favorite documentaries? Which ones do you recommend? Tell us all about it, won’t you?

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

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What Do You Think Would Be The Pros And Cons Of Standing Nine Feet Tall?

Robert Wadlow was reportedly 8′ 11″, and is the tallest person in recorded history. Here’s his Wikipedia page, which contains a lot of amazing facts. Back during the ’70s, when I was in Jr. High School, we were obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records (it was a simpler time) and Robert Wadlow — along with Bob Hughes, the fattest man of all-time — generated a lot of highly-intellectual conversation. I’d like to open the comments section to a continuation of that. What do you suppose would be the biggest hassles of being so tall, and what do you think the benefits might be? I’ve included some amazing photos, which look like optical illusions. If we’d had these during 7th grade, our brains probably would’ve exploded. Please share your thoughts. And have a great day!

Doing a radio interview.

Aboard the Queen Mary with his mother.

Just chillin’ with a friend.

Not sure what’s going on here. But look at that shit!

With his high school class.

Dinner time.

Voting for the first time, in 1939.

Birthday boy!

With his family.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post What Do You Think Would Be The Pros And Cons Of Standing Nine Feet Tall? first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

Random Notes From The Bunker, vol. 81

Apparently the Temple University experiment is over already. We took the younger boy down there eight days ago, and last night they “paused” in-person classes for two weeks. So… we’re bringing him back home. Good stuff. I’m glad we burned so many anxiety calories on that crap.

Yesterday a woman at work, whose first language is not English, said to me, “I haven’t seen you all morning. And you’re so big! How could I miss you?!” So, there you go.

Today at 7:40 am there was an impossible godawful racket outside that woke me up. After urinating furiously, I went downstairs and gave Toney the international sign for “WTF?” (hands extended, palms up), and she told me somebody’s apparently building an extension onto their house nearby. It wasn’t even 8 am! It sounded like they were trying to saw the garage off — just some kind of crazy, incessant screeching grindage. What in the pop and lock shit is going on?! Not everybody works 9 to 5, assholes. Annoying.

I’ve been listening to Bob Seger all morning. It’s an unusual choice for me, but I’m enjoying it. I’m currently playing Night Moves, which came out in 1976. I don’t think I’ve listened to the entire album since… maybe 1982 or 1983? It’s scratching some kind of primal itch.

In the latest episode of the podcast I talk about a K-Mart-like store in my hometown where my friends and I engaged in much jackassery, back during the days when Night Moves and Stranger In Town were new releases. Check it out here.

I took Thursday and Friday off from work, and Monday is a holiday. So… I just have to survive through Wednesday and I’ll have a big honkin’ five days off in a row. Also, our 27th wedding anniversary falls in there somewhere, during those five days. Twenty-seven years! That seems crazy to me. We were married by a judge who had a radio show in Atlanta, threw the best party of all-time that night at Swissotel, and spent a week in San Francisco. Now? I’m just bitching all the time, getting insulted for my impossible-to-missness, and singing along to “Betty Lou’s Getting Out Tonight.”

And by the way… Betty Lou. What a tramp! She’s getting “out,” which conjures some questions right out of the box. So to speak. And the mere rumor of it has caused the poor druggist to go insane? He finally had to up and close the store? Man, that’s some world-class looseness, right there. Godspeed, Betty Lou. Crank it up!

I’m strongly considering Chinese carryout for lunch. I think I’m going with L14, beef and broccoli. The sauce they use is delicious. What are you having for lunch? Or what did you have, if it’s in the rear view mirror as you read this? Tell us all about it, won’t you? It’s of utmost importance.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have yourselves a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

The post Random Notes From The Bunker, vol. 81 first appeared on The West Virginia Surf Report!.

The Younger Boy Is Going Away To College And I’m Freaking Out A Bit

He went to a local school and got his associate’s degree, but is now going to Temple University to finish his bachelor’s. We’ve known this for a long time, of course. But now it’s about to freaking happen, and whenever I think about it my stomach drops. Not that I worry about him getting into trouble (not really), or being able to do the work (not an issue). It’s something more vague and murky than that. It’s more to do with the fundamental change to our family that’s fixin’ to occur. It’s time, I know, but that doesn’t help with the emotional side of it. It’s always sad when one chapter closes, ya know? The current situation is sometimes irritating (God knows), but the thought of it changing? I’m not really a fan o’ that, either. It’s all emotion, nothing to do with logic… I know we’ll survive, but it’s taking its toll. The older boy is having a harder time with it than anticipated, too. It’s going to be a rough couple of weeks.

Because of the virus, the move-in process is nothing short of ludicrous. I know that might be hard for some of you to believe. But we have a one-hour window to get him all set up, then we have to go. No lingering… no long goodbyes. We’ll just have to sprint in and out of his building with baskets of bedding ‘n’ shit, and hit the highway. Maybe that’s better? Also, our appointed hour starts at 8:40 am on Sunday. So, we’re going to have to leave our house at some impossible hour. Like six in the morning? Sweet sainted mother of Al Hrabosky! And only one parent can be in the building at once. So, when Toney’s up there, I’ll have to wait outside, and vice versa. It’s going to be one weird-ass day. I’m going to propose Cracker Barrel afterward, just to get ourselves centered. I hope I’m not blubbering straight into my hash brown casserole.

He’s going to have three roommates. Four of them together in one dorm/apartment. He knows nothing, has not been in contact with any of them… or even creeped on their Facebook pages. I find that incredible. I’d be all up in that shit. Oh well. And every student has to be tested within 24 hours, then weekly thereafter. There are testing centers on campus, and it’s up to each student to keep up with it. And if they don’t… their badges will be turned off and they won’t be able to scan into any of the buildings. That’s a pretty solid incentive. Right?

Also… Temple is in a not-so-great area of Philly. That’s another small concern. The campus is safe, I’m sure. But the surrounding area? Not so much. Hopefully he’ll be careful. He probably will be. But it’s fuel for scenarios. And I’m a master at conjuring the tragic scenarios. I have a black belt in it.

So, that’s going on. Also, my car is in the shop: water pump. It supposedly requires four hours of labor to replace it, and is costing us $476. Grrr… It overheated a few nights ago, while I was driving home from work. My dad told me it was almost certainly the thermostat or water pump, and said the latter would be more expensive to fix. So, there you go. My nipples are exploding with delight. There’s nothing I enjoy more than handing over large sums of money to get us back to where we were three days ago. Man, that’s good stuff.

And speaking of ball-crushing… I need to get ready for work now.

I don’t really have a question, just a quick check-in. I hope you’re all doing well.

I’ll see you soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!