Jeff Kay's Blog, page 10

Fresh Podcast Action For Patrons! Ep. 73: Our Cosmic Velocity Reports!

FOLLOWING a protracted problem with our internet service (grrr..), I was finally able to upload this week’s Patreon episode. It’s available now for all $4 and above patrons, right here. And this is the summary:

In this one, I tell you about an inexplicable song I recently had stuck in my head, the 40th anniversary of the release of one of my favorite albums, and the cosmic velocity reports we’d like to see. I also bitch at length about the current state of the internet, talk about some shows I’m powering through on various streaming services, and share even more insulting comments I’ve heard about my age. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

It’s one of my favorite recent episodes. Sometimes it all comes together, and many times it doesn’t. But in this one… some of it actually worked. Anyway, during the show, I talk about the data I’d like to pull from the universe about very specific aspects of my life. For instance, the ten albums I’ve listened to most often, from the day I was born to right now. It’s gotta be loaded with Beatles, and probably also includes London Calling. But I’d be interested to see the actual list. And I’d like to know how many beers I’ve taken down, and the number of baseball games I’ve listened to on the radio. That sort of impossible-to-know data.

What obscure statistics about your life would you like to know? Which “cosmic velocity reports” would you pull? Please tell us about it in the comments.

And I have to go to work very early today, my friends. I’ll see you again soon.

Have a great day!

My Ass Continues To Wage Unrelenting War On Denim!

LOOK AT THAT! In case you can’t tell, it’s the upper right side of the left pocket. That’s where they always give way. Without exception. And why is that? Why there, specifically? I mean, I’ve been blaming the ass itself for this unstoppable destruction. And rightly so. I mean, there’s a substantial amount of volume back there, and standard commercial fabric can only be expected to withstand so much pressure. Indeed, the shredding never ends! As I mentioned in a recent episode of the podcast, I’m blowing up a pair of pants every other month at this point. Always at the upper right side of the left pocket. WTS??

Could it be my wallet? That’s a recent theory I’ve devised, which might just be a subconscious attempt to take a bit of heat off my large attack-ass. But I carry it in the left pocket, the one that always fails. Maybe it’s a contributing factor? Here it is. Is that too thick? It’s not at a Costanza-level yet, but moving in that direction.

Shit. Now that I look at it again, I see that my wallet is not very thick at all. What do you think? Oh well. I’m still considering going back to carrying my money and the few cards I use in my left front pocket and seeing if the trouser-shredding slows down a bit. At this point, I’m about to start looking for a monthly enormous pants subscription service.

And just so you know, the catastrophic blowout illustrated above happened at work. I tell the whole story in the podcast, but I was returning from lunch and felt an Arctic wind blowing across an area of my body that I should not be able to experience weather in such detail. And that’s when my heart skipped a beat, ’cause I knew I had yet another situation on my hands. For the rest of the evening, I didn’t remove my jacket and exited rooms walking backward. Sheesh. I’ve become an old pro at it.

Have you ever had any similar troubles? How about my wallet theory? Let me know your thoughts. And have a great day, my friends.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon , and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

Fresh Podcast Action! Ep. 72: Corporate Christmas Parties!

I HAD PROBLEMS with the site today, but it appears to be fixed. For a couple of hours, I could not get into the control panel. When I attempted to log in I just got a white screen with the word “Error” in the upper left-hand corner. I checked other sites I own (and have abandoned), and got the same results. Needless to say, I was nearing a full and utter nervous breakdown. But the help desk pointed me in the right direction and I was able to get shit corrected. They didn’t fix it, mind you. They told me how to do it. I don’t care for that. Anyway, order has been restored.

And now I can alert you guys to another episode of the world-famous West Virginia Surf Report podcast. In this one, I share some ancient memories from corporate Christmas parties I have attended. You’ll get to hear about the drunken spinning schoolmarm, a comment I made that still causes me to cringe ‘n’ wince when I think about it, an amazing moment at the CEO’s house, and Toney and I sneaking around a Christmas carnival and making a very cool discovery.

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, it’s widely distributed. Or you can just click play, right here:

I hope you enjoy it! There will be another episode on Thursday, at Patreon only. I hope to see you there!

In the meantime, if you have any office party stories to share we’d love to hear/read ’em!

Have a great day, my friends.

Stolen Directly From Reddit! A Fun Question I Didn’t Think Of Myself!

I visit Reddit daily, mostly the Cincinnati Reds page, but others as well. And occasionally I see something that triggers a Surf Report Question of the Day. Today, for instance, I noticed the question below and thought, “Huh, I like that… I wish I’d thought of it myself.” Here it is:

If you can’t see it for some reason, it reads: There is a scratch and sniff map of the United States, what does your state smell like? The punctuation is questionable, but that’s beside the point. I think it’s a solid and creative question. And instead of just lifting it and acting like I was the originator, I’m stealing it with full disclosure. What do you have on this one, my friends? What do you believe your state would smell like on… a scratch and sniff map? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?

Also, what are your favorite Sub-Reddits? There are some great ones out there. Please share your faves.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

We’re Still Live In Canada!

With Amazon, I mean. Their American counterparts decided I was no longer to their liking, but the Canadians are always kinder, eh? So, if you’re north o’ the border I’d love to suggest this really cool website where you can buy a lot of things, many things. Here’s the link. If you’re in the market for a lot of things, many things, it’s a good resource. You should check it out. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Pass the poutine.

This Might Be The Best Photo I’ve Snapped Since The Legendary Funnelpants!

It’s from Saturday night at Backyard Ale House in Scranton, a truly great bar/restaurant. We’re seated by the front window, and he’s outside having a smoke. We can see out, but he can’t see in. Result: magic! One of my all-time favorites.

Here’s the legendary Mr. Funnelpants, who is also a fave.

I’m not sure when the Pulitzer people are going to call, but it’s way past due. Right?

We were hammered with some kind of seven-layer dip of winter precipitation on Sunday/Monday: ice, snow, ice, rain, snow, etc. etc. It’s bullshit, and I’m ready to pull up stakes for somewhere else to dislike. Indeed, none of us had left the house since Saturday… until Monday night when three of us went to the ER. Oh, it was quite the coming-out party. The younger boy spent hours on Monday cleaning up the driveway and sidewalk and getting our cars semi-drivable. Then the city plow came through and shoved a mountain of heavy snow in front of our driveway. Grrr… The older boy said he’d clean it up, went out there, and promptly fell on the ice. Yep, broke his left arm in two places. Awesome!

While waiting in the Emergency Room holding pen we encountered at least four other people who had fallen and hurt themselves, because of the seven-layer dip. We also encountered a 12-year old girl who was coughing like a 47-year-old longshoreman in the throes of a Pall Mall seizure. Good god! I thought for sure we would all be infected with SARS or something, but so far so good. Not sure about the incubation period, though.

Here’s a vibrant color photo I took of a tree in our front yard yesterday. The colors just leap off the screen, don’t they? Oh, it’s lovely. As I type this Spring Training is only 70 days away, though. It gives me something to cling to.

I recorded a new episode of the podcast yesterday and posted it last night when we returned from the hospital. It’s basically about the weekend — my big birthday weekend (ha!) — before the seven-layer commenced. Among other things, I discuss:

Veronica Mars
Kareem Abdul Jabbar
the Yin-Yang of Facebook
Primanti Bros.
Backyard Ale House
Jack Ryan
The Devil Next Door
my Cyber Monday purchases
a local celebrity sighting at the beer store

You can listen wherever you get podcasts, or right here:

Unfortunately, I’m pretty much done with my days off at work now. At least for 2019. I’m not sure how I’ll handle big honkin’ five days weeks again. It’s been a while. Ugh. Oh well.

For a Question, I’d like to know which streaming services you currently subscribe to. It feels like there are dozens of them now. I’m on Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon. It already feels excessive, yet they keep coming and coming. Also, do you pay for any website subscriptions? Apps or sites you pay for yearly or monthly? I just took advantage of a Cyber Monday sale and signed up for The Athletic, a sports site. I also pay for MLB At Bat, at $2.99 per month. And there’s Spotify and Sirius/XM… Shit! It’s gotten out of hand. What do you have on this subject? Share it, won’t you? You know, if you feel comfortable doing so.

And I’m calling it a day, my friends. I need to prepare for work. Physically… emotionally… and spiritually.

Have a great day!

I’ll be back soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

I’m A Day Tripper And Have Some Hideous Baseball Cards To Prove It!

In this week’s podcast episode, I talk about my recent trip to Cooperstown, NY.

Here’s the summary for ya: In this one, I share an update on the subject I ranted about in the previous episode, tell you about my latest fixation, and launch into a lengthy description of my Friday day-trip to Cooperstown, NY with my friend Steve. We took in the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum, had a simple lunch, and enjoyed a private tasting session at the Ommegang Brewery. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

Check it out wherever you get podcasts, or right here:

During the show, I promised to share some samples from the baseball card-making booths at the Hall of Fame. We commandeered both of them and things eventually turned ridiculous. I was standing in awkward positions and making faces. It was escalating and if we hadn’t been interrupted by a gaggle of asshole children I probably would’ve been stripped to the waist. Then security would’ve shown up… Perhaps I should thank those little pricks? No, I don’t have it in me.

Anyway, here are some of the wildly unflattering cards I created. They make me laugh, ’cause they’re so stupid. Dammit! I wish I’d had just 10 more minutes to “create.” Oh well.

That’s a sampling. I had others but I was wearing a fleece with my employer’s logo on it, like an idiot. I don’t want to post those, for obvious reasons. And here we are at Ommegang Brewing with our beer-tasting host, Rusty. Also a good time.

Check out the podcast episode for all of the details. if you’re so inclined. I’m getting ready to upload the Patreon episode, as well. Give me thirty minutes and it’ll be live. It’s titled Random Notes For Patrons!

Have you been on any cool day trips lately? Tell us about it, won’t you? Use the comments.

And I’m going to go upstairs now and make tacos for the whole family.

I’ll see you again soon!

Have a great day.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

A Few Quick Things, vol. 64

I posted the above graphic on Facebook a few days ago, but find it interesting so I’m posting it here too. It’s supposedly baseball territory, where fans for each team live. So, the Angels and White Sox have no fans? I’m unclear. How accurate is this thing? All I know is… the Reds info seems relatively correct. What are your thoughts?

It snowed here last night, the first snow o’ the season. It’s not much, but it’s enough to cause some elevated profanity production. There’s reportedly a thick layer of ice underneath it, too. I haven’t been out there but both of the boys were bitchin’. …I’m not ready for this crap. Dammit. Oh well. According to this website, spring training starts in 91 days. That seems like both a long time and right around the corner. How is that possible?

Two nights ago I was in bed, around 12:45, reading. And I heard a very loud roar approaching from far away. It got louder and louder, and whatever it was zipped right over our house, super-loud. It sounded like a big-ass military helicopter, and that shit was moving. The next morning I asked everyone if they’d heard it and they all said no, and were also not interested in discussing it further. But you don’t understand, I shouted, it was really loud and low! The shrugs of emphatic disinterest annoyed me. Why does nobody care?! The younger boy told me it was probably a drone. It shook the house, I hollered. It was no drone, it was a helicopter. Or an extraterrestrial ship of some sort, from a disappointing galaxy where they haven’t figured out how to make their shit silent yet. At that point, he disengaged and made it clear he was only humoring me. Highly unsatisfactory.

Another mystery… Toney and I went out for a couple of beers this past weekend, to a place near us called Tully’s. They have a decent beer selection and really good appetizers ‘n’ stuff. They also fill growlers for a good price, so I took one along. Everything was fine at the restaurant, we had a good time, etc. But when we got home and started drinking the beer from the growler it felt like we were instantly semi-drunk. Indeed, Toney went to bed early because she said she didn’t feel well. And I was quickly heading into “hammered” territory too. WTF? It was just some IPA, with a listed alcohol content of something like 6.5%. Nothing that should launch two seasoned beer drinkers into a state of insta-smashed. We had two beers each at the restaurant, nothing crazy. But once we started drinking the growler beer everything went wonky on us. The weird thing? It was something called Great Lakes New American IPA. And I can find no evidence that it even exists in this world. I did some Google searches and checked out Beer Advocate, as well as the Great Lakes Brewing website. There’s nothing called New American IPA that I could find. What in the pimple popping hell is going on here? What did we drink? It was tasty, whatever it was.

I posted a new episode of the podcast late last night. Here’s the description: In this one, I tell you about the days before cable TV and the crazy exhilarating world that emerged once cable took hold. I go into detail about two early cable channels (and their unforgettable ads) that meant a great deal to a young up-and-coming Jeff Kay. Then I share a great hotline message from Ian in Scotland. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening! And here’s the fancy-ass player, or you can grab it wherever you get your podcasts.

I’m supposed to go to Cooperstown on Friday, with Steve. Hopefully, there won’t be any weather issues. Right now it looks good… We’re planning to visit the Baseball Hall of Fame again. We used to go yearly, but have gotten out of the habit. I’m pushing to get it started up again. If we go (sausage fingers crossed) I’ll be posting many a photo to Instagram. Follow me if you ain’t.

And I need to call it a day here. For a Question, I’d like to know whether or not you wear a watch. I don’t and never have. If you do, how many watches do you own? How does this whole watch-wearing culture work? Do you have to have many and switch them out? Or is it just one watch used daily? I don’t personally require a clock strapped to my person at all times, but I believe I’m in the minority. What do you have on this mysterious, murky subject? Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

A Few Quick Things, vol. 116

In the latest episode of the podcast, I talk about running into someone from work in an unlikely place. It blew my mind a little. I’d like to know about the crazy places you’ve encountered people you know. While traveling, perhaps? I remember when I was a kid we’d always see people from Dunbar in Myrtle Beach. I guess it’s not that weird since it was the accepted vacation spot of the greater Charleston metropolitan area. But it amazed me, nonetheless, seeing those folks WAY out of context. What do you have on this one? Use the comments section.

And here’s the description for the new podcast episode, along with the fancy listenin’ engine. Or whatever.

In this one, I tell you about the adventure we got ourselves into while returning Dusty the Bellringer on Saturday, how I ran into someone from work in a highly unlikely place, the update(?!) I received about my Ancestry DNA results, and how I could almost certainly be hypnotized. Then I play a message left on the hotline all the way from Scotland. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

I’m cooking a big pot o’ beans as I type this. Like a granny! Hey, all I know is… they’re delicious and make the house smell fantastic. As I threatened last time, I’m trying to take my lunch to work now, and this is Day Two of the experiment. I’ve had it with the food situation there and need to take matters into my own hands. So, today I’m going to take a big bowl of so-called white beans (navy beans? great northerns?), a ham sandwich, and some other odds and ends. It requires some prep, but I won’t be out there driving to the world’s worst McDonald’s tonight, or visiting the bum-spangled Burger King. Which will save me some money and lower my daily sodium intake by roughly a million… watts? Hey, I never said I was a scientist.

For the record, I made a previous mess o’ beans on Sunday, but everybody ate them in short order. They were great! I put a big smoky ham hock in there, and it was nothing short of delicious. Not to mention filling. And it costs something like two dollars! Sure, I might be farting down cubicle walls by 9 pm, but only others will suffer.

I don’t want to go on and on about it, but I think beans are a forgotten food item in 2019. They’re great! Very underrated. Who’s with me?! …Hello?

A few days ago Ancestry sent me an email saying my DNA results have been “updated.” They mentioned this early in the process, that the science is always evolving and being refined or somesuch. And I might receive updated info. In any case, here’s how it looks now. Previously it was 64% England, Wales & Northwestern Europe, and 36% Ireland & Scotland. So, the England part was increased, and the Ireland/Scotland hunk was split off with some Viking. Huh. Maybe my Mom is right… it’s all a bunch of crap?

Finally, I listened to the penultimate album by the mighty Ass Ponys while writing this update, which is called Some Stupid With A Flare Gun. I love all things Ass Ponys, as well as Chuck Cleaver’s later and current band Wussy. But I especially like his earlier band’s final two albums, created after being dropped by a major label. Many groups don’t survive such a thing, but they rebounded with their best work. Great, great stuff! The last album is called Lohio and might even be better than this one. It’s hard to say, ’cause they’re both masterpieces.

I hope you guys enjoyed this quickie. Please don’t forget to tell us about your coincidental encounters in far-flung locales, and I’d also be interested to know what you believe are grossly underrated foods. Tell us all about it in the comments.

And I’ll see you again soon!

Have a great one.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

What Do You Do For Lunch At Work?

I’m in the midst of a work-lunch crisis, my friends, and have decided to take drastic action. Yes, you guessed it, I’ve now reached a level of desperation where I’m planning to take my own food. …Will somebody please hold me? This is uncharted territory, and I’m a little scared. You can hear me go on and on about it and rant like a crazy person in the brand new episode o’ the podcast. At the fancy-tits widget below, or wherever you get your podcasts. I also share a couple of crazy messages left at the hotline. Enjoy! It’s fun.

Speaking of podcasts, I’ve started listening to a new one called Root of Evil. Wild shit! Here’s a Rolling Stone article about it. It’s an eight-episode documentary that proves the old “truth is stranger than fiction” adage. It’s about an incredibly fucked-up family (and I do mean incredibly), told by their modern-day descendants. Oh, this thing has it all… Murder, incest, drugs, Man Ray, the Black Dahlia. It is crazy, and extremely well-done. If you’re into that sort of thing, I’m confident you’ll love it.

Another thing I’m currently enjoying is an animated series on Netflix called Big Mouth. I was unfamiliar until a guy at work started raving about it. Apparently, it’s popular, ’cause Netflix just renewed it for three more seasons. In any case, it’s about Middle School kids going through Middle School things. It’s raunchy as hell and very funny. Not to mention somewhat bizarre. Like, for instance, the ghost of Duke Ellington living in the attic? I never could’ve predicted it. If you like the idea of a filthy version of Freaks and Geeks, you should definitely check this one out. It’s not just 100% filth, though. It also has the Freaks and Geeks heart and is highly recommended.

I also just started watching Season Three of Goliath on Amazon Prime. Do you watch this show? It stars Billy Bob Thornton as a brilliant lawyer who’s attempting to turn his back on the profession and quietly drink himself to death. But he keeps getting sucked back in, which interrupts his self-destruction. I enjoy it a great deal. I wasn’t aware Season Three had been released until a few days ago and watched three one-hour episodes in one sitting over the weekend. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who knows about this show, which concerns me. I ask people, and they always say, “Never heard of it.” So, I’m worried it’ll go away. It’s really good. Are you familiar?

And, of course, the World Series starts tonight. I’ll be following that too. Unfortunately, I don’t hate either team, so it’s difficult to know who to pull for. I love the Reds, am indifferent about a lot of teams and hate a few. Both the Nationals and Astros fall into the middle category, which doesn’t help me at all. Oh well. It’ll be the last scraps o’ baseball for about four months, so I’ll be clinging to it while it lasts. On a semi-related note, are you familiar with a Twitter account called Baseball’s Best Fans? It’s one of those perfect ideas that make you grumble that you didn’t think of it first. The guy simply retweets shitty things that St. Louis Cardinals fans — supposedly baseball’s best fans — post on the internet. You could do this for any team, of course. But other teams don’t have the BEST FANS reputation. It’s good stuff.

I didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night. Ugh. I’m already dragging. It’s my own fault, too. Oh well.

If you’d like to bring us up to date on how you handle the lunch-at-work situation, please do. Use the comments section. Also, if there’s something you’re currently enjoying, please share that, as well. It’s not all cynicism and negativity around here.

I’m calling it a day, my friends. Thanks for reading! I was listening to Bakesale by Sebadoh while writing this one, in case you’re keeping an Excel file or something.

I’ll be back soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!