Jeff Kay's Blog, page 11

What Do You Remember About 4th Grade?

I’m talking specifically about school, but liked that picture so much I used it anyway. Is it real? I don’t think he’s going to make it. And ol’ Hangover Johnny over there on the porch needs to step in. Right? In any case, do you have any interesting memories of 4th Grade? I do, and they’re predictably weird. Why don’t I remember the normal, wonderful times? It’s always with the fucked-upness… And I break it all down for you in the latest episode of The West Virginia Surf Report podcast, available at the magic widget below, or wherever you get podcasts. Oh, it’s out there, insinuating itself into polite society. Check it out!

After this week I won’t be working many 5-day weeks for the remainder of the year. There might be one or two in there, but it’s mostly 4-day extravaganzas, on account of my need to burn vacation time before the end of the year. It’s great! I just took many Fridays and a few Mondays, here and there. And I have nothing planned, except I might go to Cooperstown with Steve, to visit the Baseball Hall of Fame in early November. We used to go yearly but got out of the habit. I’m pushing to get it started again. Other than that… just long, glorious weekends! I’m a confirmed fan of the long, glorious weekend.

And for Thanksgiving, it’ll be just like last year. I snapped this photo when dinner was ready on Thanksgiving 2018. I’ll have to discuss it with Toney, but I’m thinking that this year we’ll just sit it in the middle of the table, rip off the top, and eat straight out of the box. Or maybe just pass the box around the living room, and not even bother with going to the table. It’s still a work in process. I’ll keep you updated.

It’s been years in the making, but I finally finished watching The Fugitive TV show. Season 4 was wildly uneven, and not as much fun as the previous three seasons. So… I started it many times and kept throwing in the towel. But I wanted to see how they wrapped it up and wasn’t willing to just jump to the final two episodes (parts I and II). Those episodes were a huge deal when they were first broadcast, and are still among the most-watched scripted shows in history. Here’s a good article about How The Fugitive’s Heart-Pounding Finale Changed TV Forever. Awesome!

David Janssen, who masterfully played Dr. Richard Kimble aka The Fugitive, died young. And this incredible paragraph from his Wikipedia page blows my mind every time I read it. Check this shit out:

A heavy drinker and a four-pack-a-day smoker, Janssen died of a heart attack in the early morning of February 13, 1980, at his home in Malibu, California at the age of 48. Janssen was buried at the Hillside Memorial Park Cemetery in Culver City, California. A non-denominational funeral was held at the Jewish chapel of the cemetery on February 17. Suzanne Pleshette delivered the eulogy at the request of Janssen’s widow. Milton Berle, Johnny Carson, Tommy Gallagher, Richard Harris, Stan Herman, Rod Stewart, and Gregory Peck were among Janssen’s pallbearers. Honorary pallbearers included Jack Lemmon, George Peppard, James Stewart, and Danny Thomas.

My first thought: four packs per day?! Sweet sainted mother of ol’ Hangover Johnny! Also: based on the rest of that ‘graph, it was clear the man ran wide-open. Johnny Carson… Rod Stewart… Gregory Peck… Milton Berle… I feel like he had some fun in his short life. What do you think? Incredible.

Finally, I’m still in mourning about being jettisoned from the Amazon affiliate program. Ugh. I don’t even want to do the Now Playing In The Bunker thing anymore, but… at the same time, kinda do. So, maybe I’ll just put the cover up and not link to it? We’ll see how that goes. Not sure if it’ll work out long-term. But we’ll give it a shot. As I wrote this update, I was listening to the first Pretenders album, from 1980. One of the all-time greats!

I’m calling it a day, my friends. Don’t forget to share your memories of 4th Grade in the comments. Or whatever else you want to discuss. It’s all good. Mostly, anyway. I think I’m going to go upstairs now and make a ludicrously-large ham sandwich and go all David Janssen with it. No half-stepping, in tribute to the master!

Have a great one, boys and girls.

I’ll be back soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you guys!

A Few Quick Things, vol. 92

Sorry I’ve been away for so long. It wasn’t planned, it just sorta happened. I’ll try not to let it happen again. Ahem. I have a few odds and ends for you guys today: shit’s been building up. So, let’s get to it, shall we?

— I was recently in West Virginia, visiting my parents. It went well, thanks for asking. On Sunday all my living aunts and uncles converged on the place, along with my brother, and here’s the Kay side o’ the family. My mother’s side did not participate in the photo session, but they were there too. It was fun. I’m not sure what’s going on with me, though. It looks like I’d just spotted something suspicious off in the distance, and was trying to figure out what I was seeing. Also, I’m towering over everyone. Oh well.

That’s my brother, my dad, aunt Marg, uncle Danny, aunt Charlotte, and my big doofus ass. “What the hell is that thing?” In any case, it was a fun day: lots of stories and lots of laughs. It was good seeing everyone.

— While in West Virginia I had a few local goals. I wanted to patronize a Tudor’s Biscuit World, go to Budget Tapes and Records, and buy a case of Devil Anse IPA. All are WV exclusives, and I was able to achieve my lofty goals. At Tudor’s I had a bacon and cheese biscuit, and it was both huge and tasty. It’s good for you, too! Simply packed with nutrients. …OK, it’s just salt and fat. What do you want from me? The people at Budget weren’t friendly, but I spent a half-hour there anyway and actually bought two used CDs from them, both by ELO. Weird… They were super-cheap, and looked like they’d never been played. I got Out of the Blue and A New World Record for a total of $5. Not bad. And I got the case o’ beer at Drug Emporium on Patrick Street, for about $50. It’s not cheap, but it’s damn good. It’s in the downstairs fridge as I type this, chilling and preparing itself for battle. Toney doesn’t like it very well, so I’ll probably drink the whole thing. I’ll try to pace myself and savor it. We’ll see how it goes. If you live away from where you grew up, what MUST you do or buy when you revisit? That’s the Question of the Day. Please let us know. Use the comments section.

— Yesterday I received upsetting news, my friends. After more then fifteen years I was booted from the Amazon affiliate program. They said I violated their Terms of Service by encouraging you guys to click through my links. So, I’m out. No warning… just ACCOUNT CLOSED. The email says it may be appealable, but they’re pretty hardcore. An appeal is a longshot, at best. No, I think I’m at the end of the road with them, which sucks. It makes me sad. I wish they’d issued a warning and allowed me the opportunity to fix the problem. Ugh.

— In more upsetting news, I recently visited a Taco Bell near my job. I always get the same thing, and know exactly how much it costs. This time it was cheaper, and I assumed the dipshit cashier rang it up wrong. So, I snatched the receipt out of his ball-juggling fingers and took a look. Check this shit out! The little prick gave me a Senior Discount. I just looked up from the receipt and said, “Are you serious?” and he about shit himself. We’d had previous encounters, and I clearly unnerve him. He just turned and scampered into the kitchen. Senior discount! Does a senior eat all that stuff? No, he does not! He eats one taco and a small coffee. I’m getting fired up just thinking about it.

— Toney texted me this link earlier and wrote, “This is the most Pennsylvania thing you’re going to see all day.” Check it out. The local news station has a hotline where people can call in and leave comments on whatever subject they choose, and it’s comedy gold. This is a weekly recap, I believe, not the main Talkback 16, or whatever they call it. Anyway, you should check it out. It’s good stuff.

— And finally… I have a new episode of the podcast for you guys and I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out. The bulk of it was recorded while driving on my West Virginia trip. It’s an unusual episode; I’d never attempted field recordings before. Some of it’s kinda rough, but there are laughs for sure. Give it a listen if you get the chance. At the handy widget below, or wherever you normally get your podcasts. It’s out there, available everywhere.

I’m calling it a day, boys and girls. One more day of work, and it’s the weekend already. Pretty nifty! I could get used to the two-day workweek.

Have a great one! And don’t forget the Question. Use the comments section.

And I’ll be back soon.

Support us with a monthly donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week!

Do You Still Buy Music In Some Way, Or Is It Just 100% Streaming At This Point?

I’ve been around a long time, dating all the way back to the days of the 8-track tape. Indeed, I remember playing the everlovin’ hell out of the second(?!) Foreigner album in that format, when I was in Jr. High. I also had a lot of Beatles music on 8-track, as well as Out of the Blue by ELO. In fact, they’re probably all boxed up and in our basement right now.

But during the 8-track era, I was also buying LPs. I can’t recall how I decided which format to buy. But it was the same thing when cassettes came along, and I would buy an LP when it was something I thought I’d mostly listen to at home. And if it was something built for blasting in the car… I’d go with the cassette. Like 5150 by Van Halen, for instance. Maybe I did the same with 8-tracks? I can’t remember.

In any case, various configurations co-existed in my world for many years. Vinyl LPs were always king with me (I still own hundreds), but I certainly mucked around with the others, as well. The first time I faced an actual dilemma as it pertained to music formats, was when CDs were introduced. Would I now abandon my beloved LPs and take up with the rabid CD cult? This is how it went:

Are you kidding? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
This is actually catching on? Seriously?! Suckers!
Well, it wouldn’t do any harm to just check it out.
I am fully on-board with the new world order.

The same pattern played itself out with MP3s (to a lesser degree), and finally with streaming. The one I embraced the least was mp3, but I was a member of eMusic for many years and purchased and downloaded many full-length albums. It was difficult for me to not really own the music, though. It didn’t sit well with me and still doesn’t. I’m programmed for PROCUREMENT, always trying to build the best music library possible. Tiny bits of code on an iPod just felt phony-baloney to me, and not at all legitimate. But, again, I dabbled.

I hated the idea of streaming the moment I heard about it, for the same reason. Hell, in that case, you own even less! And, more importantly, you’re putting yourself under the thumb of Spotify or Apple, or whatever streaming service you’re using. What if they get into some pissing contest with a favorite artist, and all their stuff is removed temporarily, or forever? If you own the CD, it doesn’t matter. But if you’re relying on Spotify, you’re screwed.

But what am I listening to right now? Spotify! I freaking love it. It’s one of the greatest things ever invented. It’s an international database of every song ever recorded, more or less. I still have trouble with it on a philosophical level, but use it daily for its incredible selection and convenience. You’ve got nearly every album in the history of mankind at your fingertips for $7.99 per month, or whatever. It’s fantastic.

Another streaming delight? The Xtra Channels at Sirius/XM. They used to cost extra (xtra), but are now part o’ the regular package. Also fantastic! I put one of those channels on and let it play for hours, sometimes. No commercials… interesting and fun music. It’s great!

So, I have no integrity. That’s what I’m saying, I guess. I start out by taking a righteous stance, then promptly cave. I’d be horrible in a hostage situation. Oh well. I am still buying-up CDs though. I’m constantly filling holes in the physical sound library. However… it feels like we’re on the verge of everything becoming expensive. Over the last six months, I’ve sensed a change. Six months ago you could still buy most like-new used CDs for less than five bucks, but the prices are going up. Soon, it’s going to become a problem. So, if you’re plugging holes, do it now!

Anyway, here’s how I listen to music in mid-to-late 2019:

In the car

Sirius/XM  80%

CD  20%

I cannot Bluetooth music in my Chevy Cruze, only phone conversations. And I’m not running goddamn cable to hook up my phone. So, no streaming in the car for me.

At home

Spotify  60%

Sirius/XM  30%

CD  10%

What do you have on this? Is it all streaming at this point? It bugs me, but I’m part of the problem. Please bring us up to date on it.

And I apologize for being gone so long. I wrote half of this update on Saturday or Sunday, planning to post it on Monday. But the site has been up and down. On Tuesday it was more down than up. But the issue seems to have been rectified now. Yesterday I contacted my hosting company and they miraculously admitted there was a problem with the server. They NEVER do that. So, I considered it a victory of some sort. You know, a victory where my site doesn’t work even though I’m paying a pretty penny to someone to make sure it does? Hey, I’ll take the wins wherever I can get ’em.

I hope you guys have yourselves a fantastic rest of the week.

I’ll be back soon.

Thanks for reading!

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

In Celebration Of Webcams And (Ugh) Bucket Lists!

Remember when webcams were amazing? Back when they were new and novel? I’m not talking about porn, you filthy perv, I’m talking about a fixed camera somewhere, just streaming everyday life back to our respective bunkers.

I remember being fairly obsessed with one that broadcast 24/7 from a laundromat in France. The place was called Happy Wash, and it was in the city of Strasbourg. I’d sit and watch that thing for (here’s where most people would go straight to hyperbole and say ‘hours’) ten minutes at a time. Which is a long time to watch foreigners fold socks and bras. It got to the point where I could recognize regulars on there, and I sincerely wanted to visit the place someday. It was on my so-called Bucket List, although I hate that phrase and feel ashamed for having typed it.

Anyway, Happy Wash is long gone. I don’t remember when it shit the bed, but I’d estimate 2005. The shot above is from their great old cam and causes a wave of warm nostalgic comfort to (happy) wash over me. Is that weird? Why did it mean so much?

There was another one, almost as great, from inside a bar/restaurant in Poland. I can’t remember the name of the place, but it featured an enormous amount of lattice. It was just lattice everywhere. I’d sit and watch that one too, and wonder what life is like for the guys (always guys) sitting at the bar drinking and talking. In some unknown town in Poland, a mysterious place I’ll almost certainly never visit.

I think that’s the part I liked: eavesdropping on regular folks doing mundane things in exotic locales. I found it fascinating. I don’t know why. There are tons of outdoor cams, showing beaches and streets in cities around the world. But they weren’t as interesting to me. And, of course, there were stupid-ass things like turtle cam or camel cam, or things like that. That’s nonsense. No, I just loved the normal people doing boring things webcams. That was the sweet spot for me.

Another great one, that is ongoing, is the Abbey Road crossing. There you can watch dipshit tourists from around the globe risk their lives by walking across that thing, goose-stepping and wildly swinging their arms, trying to recreate the classic Beatles album cover. Check it out here. It’s halfway down the page, and you have to click on it to get it to start. The quality is greatly improved from the early days, but the douches have remained the same. I’ve never seen anyone actually run over by a car on that thing, but I’ve seen plenty of close calls. And I’ve witnessed incensed drivers laying on the horn and shouting. Good stuff. I’ve also seen people fall down, which never fails to brighten my day.

The reason I’m thinking about this subject is because Toney mentioned that I should check out a Myrtle Beach cam, with that hurricane lingering out there. This is the one. As I type this, it looks pretty freaking menacing.

Anyway, I’d forgotten how fascinating I used to find all this stuff. I think it was even cooler when the quality was minimal, like the French laundromat shot above. It was all so mysterious, like a strange AM radio station coming in from some far-flung city while driving at night. Or this creepiness. When it’s being delivered at 1080p high-def, it doesn’t feel quite the same. Oh well.

Did you have a favorite webcam back in the early days o’ the internet? Or do you have one now? Tell us about it in the comments.

Also, since I brought it up, what unusual item do you have on your (please God, no!) Bucket List? Another one on mine is to visit a hotel in France (why so much France??) where an obscure movie was filmed in 1953, called Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday. Here’s some info about the place. When I found out the hotel is still there and operational, I shouted, “Gotta go!” People around me believed I’d been struck by a shit-pain, but it was something else.

If you have anything unusual like that, please share. Not “visit Australia,” or “have a threesome.” But something out of the ordinary. Please use the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

Road Stories and Photos From The Pittsburgh and Cincinnati Extravaganza: Volume Two

Do you consider that breakfast? At our fancy-ass hotel in Cincinnati, they do. I say, “Where go the hashbrowns? Where go the bacon strips?!” Oh well. It was “free.” And I use the term about as loosely as you possibly can. I mentioned in the podcast that I heard a trip-hop version of ‘Swingin’ Party’ by the Replacements while having one of these demoralizing aristocratic meals, and Surf Reporter Brad did some research and tracked it down for us. Check it out here. Nice work, Bradley!

Before we get into another Pulitzer-level photo display, I’d like to alert you to the second part of the Pittsburgh/Cincinnati audio travelogue here and below. Please check it out, along with the previous episode, for a complete overview of the trip. It was fun!

I don’t generally post photos of myself here, for obvious reasons. But who gives a shit at this point? This was during our post-breakfast stroll through the riverfront park. Just hangin’ with Mr. Redlegs. By the way, I’m staring straight into the sun here. I’m not generally that squinted down. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I recently lost my left arm in a horrific reaper accident.

This is a stadium seat from the old Palace of the Fans, where the Reds played from 1902 to 1911. Look at the size of that thing! I’d snap both armrests off, or get my ass wedged in there for good. But I love stuff like this. People sat in that seat to watch baseball… in 1911. When Ty Cobb was 25 years old. Crazy!

Great American Ball Park at 10:30 am. We were told workers have been there all night cleaning up the garbage that was left on the previous night. At this point, they have hoses out and are spraying things down. The groundskeepers are also hard at work. It was amazing to see how much was going on there, so early in the day. You can’t really tell by the photo, but the whole stadium was a beehive of activity.

A Barry Larkin-themed pool table inside the Diamond Club area of the stadium. Seats there reportedly cost about $350 each, and include steak and lobster, etc. The tour guide chuckled while telling us that people in Cincinnati believe this is expensive. It is expensive. It might be worth it, but it’s still expensive.

Our tour group inside the Reds dugout. And how cool is that?! The bench, by the way, has cool air blowing up through the slats, to keep your balls at a reasonable temperature. This part of the tour might go down as one of the most memorable things I’ve ever done. I was about to soil myself. Sometimes I think I’m dead inside, but baseball makes me realize it ain’t quite so. Not yet.

The bat racks inside the Cincinnati dugout. Notice the spot where The Punisher keeps his tools of war in the upper right.

Even stuff like this amazes me. It’s the various phones inside the dugout. Not sure why they can’t just go with one and post a list of extensions, but whatever. I pretended to call the bullpen during a moment of high-levity. I’m sure that’s never happened before.

One more shot of the dugout, before we move on. …I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional.

I took this one from the warning track, behind home plate. They warned us — and were clearly serious about it — to not walk on the grass, or even touch it with our hands.

Obviously, the Reds on Radio area o’ the stadium. They didn’t show us the actual radio booth where the play-by-play is done, which was mildly disappointing. But this area is right behind it. Cool!

Inside the press box. The glass is removed on nice days, they told us, and there are many dents in the rear walls from foul balls. Somebody writes the player’s name and date on each dent.

How great is this? A Wiffle Ball field for the kiddies. I love it. Also, the location of home plate from the old Riverfront Stadium is “near the hostess station” inside that bar in the background, the one with the big IPA banner. It’s hard to imagine. I visited Riverfront many, many times.

My lunch at Skyline Chili. I wish I’d gone with the extra cheese option. This is a so-called Five Way, and a Cheese Coney.

Pete Rose statue outside the stadium.

People huddled around the Johnny Bench statue. I had to fight the urge to run over there and start hollering, “Have some respect, assholes!”

From our seats on Saturday night. As you can see, they were a lot closer than my $19 Friday seat. Great game! They were wearing 1976 Throwback uniforms too.

 

And that’ll do it for now. I took over 200 photos, and hope I’ve chosen the right ones.

I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Also, I plan to do a Patreon episode of the podcast, and will likely post it late Friday or early Saturday. So, be on the lookout for that.

And have a fantastic day!

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

Road Stories and Photos From The Pittsburgh and Cincinnati Extravaganza: Volume One

That’s a photo of Jack White taken from the stage of the Raconteurs show we attended on Tuesday of last week, in Pittsburgh. We’re out there somewhere. I can’t find my pasty face in the crowd, but we were there and pretty damn close, too. Fun time! And the fact that it was only a week ago blows my mind a little. So much has happened, it feels like a month has passed.

Before I get into the meat o’ this one, I want to mention that I had my very first guest host on the podcast while I was traveling last week. Producer Zipp sat in for me on the Thursday show and did a bang-up job. It’s hilarious, and you should definitely give it a listen. Right here. He puts vacations into four categories and tells a personal story to illustrate each of them. It’s very funny! I’d love to get your feedback on this one. Tell us your thoughts in the comments section. And thanks, Zipp! Much appreciated!

Yesterday I recorded a lengthy (for me, anyway) podcast telling my road stories through Friday night. That includes the back and forth guerilla strike on Pittsburgh for the rock show with my kids, and the first half of the Cincinnati trip with Toney. It’s only 45 minutes long, I don’t want to scare anyone away, but it’s about 50% longer than normal. I hope you’ll give it a listen, right here or at the fancy doohickey below. It’s called Rock n Roll! Tennis! A Smattering Of Baseball! And then I’ll share some photos from that part of the trip. I took over 200 in total, so I’ll try to narrow it down to just the best 180 or so. You know, so as not to overdo it. Here’s the doohickey:

And here are some photos:

I don’t have many pictures from the Pittsburgh portion of the week, ’cause the Raconteurs did not allow phones. They made you put them in one of these Yondr pouches, so you didn’t have access to them during the show. But I snapped this one while waiting to get into the venue. It was rainy and foggy and it felt like the temperature was plunging. Since it was an outdoor concert, I didn’t care for any of that nonsense. Except for the temperature plunging. I was cool with that.

On Thursday Toney and I stopped for gas shortly after crossing into Ohio, and saw this interesting contraption parked there. Inside the store, it was a hardy mix of rednecks, meth heads, and Amish men in straw hats. We didn’t hang around long.

I did about five solid minutes on this squared-off toilet in our hotel room. I wanted to know how I was supposed to attack it: facing forward, side-saddle, or corner-to-corner. Toney did not seem to share my amazement.

A shot from the rooftop bar of our hotel. You can see how close we were to the baseball stadium. It was literally across the street. The Reds were busy beating the Cardinals as I snapped this. I felt guilty for not being in there, but we’d just driven ten hours and I had an advanced case of Phantom Ass Syndrome (PAS).

Center Court at the Western & Southern Open, aka the Cincinnati Masters. This is from our assigned seats, which we never sat in again. Competing is Ashleigh Barty vs. Maria Sakkari. It was hotter than owl piss out there. My initial thought: “This is going to be a loooong day.” But it turned out to be a blast.

There were many, many vendors and shopping “opportunities” there. Including such offerings as a vodka tent, a stand where you could buy glasses of champagne ($19), and a place where you could purchase “cheeses of Europe.” Oh yeah, and high-end jewelry, too. At a tennis tournament? Hey, whatever. We enjoyed some local delicacies: Graeter’s ice cream,  LaRosa’s pizza, and a pint of Rhinegeist beer.  You can see the Eiffel Tower at Kings Island amusement park in the background.

Somebody semi-well-known… to people who know tennis. Toney could tell you his name, but I can’t. Anyway, this is at one of the 18 or so practice courts. People applauded when he arrived. We also watched Andy Murray at one of the practice courts, but my photos of him aren’t great.

I think they called this stadium the Grandstand. I’m not sure, but this was the best part for me. It featured Svetlana Kuznetsova and Karolina Pliskova, in an exciting battle. The crowd was into it, and it was genuinely fun to watch. This was after we were bullied out of our shady seats by a gang of senior citizens who were making us feel guilty. But it was a good time, even out in the blazing sun.

A corner of the massive Rhinegeist “party patio.” People are sleeping in there! Or watching tennis on TV! The actual match is happening on the other side of that wall. That sun will flat out destroy you. We had one pint each, and they cost $11 per cup. Later that day we bought a 12-pack of the same beer for $17.99.

Back at Center Court, for our final match of the day: Naomi Osaka vs. Sofia Kenin. Osaka dropped out with a knee injury or somesuch.

After it was clear Toney was done for the day, due to high heat, etc., I walked across the street and took in a Reds game alone. I told the girl at the box office to give me a seat that’s cheap and in the shade. This one cost me $19, and I was indeed out of the sun. The photo was taken after dark, of course, but it was bright sunlight when I arrived. It was fun, even though the Reds got the everlovin’ shit kicked out of them. Oh well.

And that pretty much takes us through Friday. I’ll update you on Saturday and Sunday next time. Saturday was baseball-heavy, and oh so cool. Stay tuned!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

What Are Some Things You’re Supposed To Enjoy But Do Not?

I’m working today, then it’s vacation time again. I think we might’ve gone a little overboard with the travel this year. We’ll be dialing it back a bit from here. I mean… we didn’t go on any around-the-world cruises or anything extravagant like that. It’s just too frequent. And even a trip to Cincinnati, which sounds relatively inexpensive, will cost us a wheelbarrow full of cash. One wheelbarrow, as opposed to the two we spent in Las Vegas. But still… it’s a freaking wheelbarrow full of cash!

In any case, we’re planning to have a good time. That is certainly the goal. But before we get to the Cincinnati trip, the boys and I are going to Pittsburgh to see The Raconteurs. That’s tomorrow night. So, we’ll be driving over there — almost five hours — going to the show, and spending the night in a hotel. Then we’ll be driving five hours back on Wednesday. And the following morning… Toney and I are leaving for Cincy. Which is roughly a nine-hour drive, in roughly the same direction. It’s crazy.

Our hotel in Cincinnati is shockingly expensive. I’m talking Manhattan expensive. WTF?? But there’s a lot going on next weekend, and it’s a perfect opportunity for gouging. The Reds are going to be beating the St. Louis Cardinals, soundly and without mercy, of course. But there’s also a big tennis tournament going on, The Western and Southern Open, also known as the Cincinnati Masters. We’ll be attending on Friday. Toney loves tennis, and all the big names participate in this one. I’ve never been to something like that, so it’ll be an experience. Should be fun!

And on Saturday it’s all baseball. Oh yeah. Here are some of the highlights:

The Reds Hall of Fame and Museum.
A morning tour of the stadium where we’ll be allowed access to the press box, the dugouts, etc. My nipples are exploding with delight! They even let you walk the warning track. Good Lord, it’s going to be awesome!
The game, of course.
Ridiculous seats, from approximately here.
Johnny Bench bobblehead night.
Wristbands that allow for disgraceful all-you-can-eat gluttony.

Oh, it’s going to be a blast! I hope. The hotel is right there, so we can just walk back and forth. They have some kind of spectacular rooftop bar, so we’ll certainly log some time there, as well. I’m excited. But that wheelbarrow? Man, it’s filling up fast. Sheesh. The wheelbarrow is always a concern.

So, Thursday’s podcast… I thought I was going to have to skip it since we’ll be traveling. But (are you ready for this?) there will be a guest host! Like Joe Garagiola on the Tonight Show. Oh, this is going to be interesting. I think I’ll release it to the main network, so everybody can hear it. Stay tuned for more info.

In the meantime, I’ve released a new episode that features only me. It’s right here or just hit the big green PLAY button below.

In this one, I talk about how Nancy (who is in town as I type) invited me to a picnic at the state park on Saturday. And that turned into an episode-long diatribe about things that society wants us to believe are fun, but are not. I have a long list of such things. But I’m hoping you guys can add to it. As mentioned, I invested upwards of five minutes preparing my list, so I almost certainly missed a few things. Please help me close out the category. Use the comments.

And speaking of the podcast, I believe I’ve got a system in place now where I can conduct interviews over the phone and get a perfect mp3 recording of it dropped straight into a folder on my computer at the end. It’s pretty slick, and I tested it on Sunday. Works great. So, that’s exciting. Be prepared for an occasional conversation with crazy and interesting people. It’s a new era!

And I’m calling it a day, my friends.

I’ll see you again soon. Follow me on Instagram for photos from the road.

And have a great week!

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Do You Like Your Name? How Did Your Parents Do In The Baby-Naming Department? What Would You Change It To?

My parents played it safe. As you can see by this graphic, which I found on some random, questionable website, Jeff/Jeffrey was enjoying its highest level of popularity around the time I did a forward-roll into the world. In fact, I believe it was the most popular boy name of the day. I could look it up to confirm, but I’m relatively lazy. Also, they told me they were going to name me Lisa if I’d been a girl. Which was the most popular girl name the year I was born. So, my folks were not breaking any new ground in the baby namin’ department. That’s for certain.

But I’m reasonably happy with it. It feels like the first name should’ve had two syllables since the last name only has one. That would be my main complaint. Jeff Kay is very choppy. It also sounds like JFK, who was president when I was born. Weird? It was almost certainly a coincidence… My mom and dad would never go in for such cuteness. I’m sure it never crossed their minds. I should ask them about it. Indeed, here’s a 45 from the Kennedy years, some political novelty song. Check out the artist’s name. You know… ’cause it sounds like JFK.

So, except for the syllable complaint and the accidental John F. Kennedy connection, I’m cool with it. Jeff is a good solid name. Right? Unfortunately, I don’t think there are many current kids named Jeff. According to that chart, we had our day in the sun during 1962 and 1963, then it all went off a cliff. Oh well. We’ll rebound. Jeff will live to fight another day. There will be more baby Jeffs! Mark my words.

I never thought about having a different name or going by my middle name: Scott. But what about you? Have you considered changing your name, or using your middle name? I doubt that it would even work unless you moved to another city and started over. Once you’re known by a name, that shit is locked-in. You can’t expect people to update something like that. It’ll never happen. Am I wrong? Do you know anyone who has successfully made such a transition, without putting themselves into a completely different setting? Tell us about it, won’t you? And if you ever thought about it, what was your new name going to be?

I know someone, right now, who is attempting to bully the world into calling him Alex. But that’s not his name. He just doesn’t like the one he was given at birth and is trying to pull a fast one. I, for one, will not participate. And I don’t think I’m alone. You’re not Alex! We all know this.

What do you have on this subject? Are you happy with your name? Did you ever consider changing it, or demanding that everyone start using a variation of some sort? Please tell us about it. Also, share your tales of people who wanted everyone to start calling them some completely different name, or a nickname or whatever. Use the comments section.

And I posted a new podcast episode last night, right before midnight. Yeah, it came out at 11:57… but it was technically a Monday episode. Back on track, baby! Today, anyway. Here’s the summary:

In this one, I provide exciting updates on a couple of our earlier stories, share a breakdown of the small little things that are irritating me these days, and play a bizarre message left on the hotline. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

It’s available wherever you get podcasts, right here, or at the widget below.

And I’m calling it a day, my friends. I have work this coming weekend, which is already weighing heavily on my mood. Grrr… Then Nancy and the Translucents will be here for a few days, and then… The Raconteurs in Pittsburgh followed immediately by our Cincinnati trip. And I might see Squeeze/Marshall Crenshaw the day after we return from our Ohio adventure. So, it’s about to get crazy. It’s stressing me out a little if you want to know the truth. There will be no downtime for a long time. And I require the downtime. Oh well.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

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Have You Met Any Celebrities? Were They Friendly, Rude, Or Indifferent? Tell Us About It!

Over the weekend I had a brief encounter with John O’Hurley, who played J. Peterman on Seinfeld. It consisted of the following:

Me: Hey, would you mind if I get a picture?

Him:

I don’t believe he actually said anything to me. He might’ve grunted an acknowledgment when I thanked him, but nothing beyond that. He wasn’t rude, he just wasn’t opening any doors to conversation. And who could blame him? I certainly don’t. Can you imagine the stupid shit people say in situations like that? It would be maddening. So, I got my photo, thanked him, and extracted myself. It was my gift to him.

This was at a minor league baseball game, by the way. He was there making a personal appearance, presumably for an envelope full of cash. How much would a person of Peterman’s stature be paid for something like that? I’d be interested in knowing, for some reason. He was there from the top of the second inning to the bottom of the sixth. Then he went on the field and sang “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the seventh-inning stretch and hightailed it out of there, I’m sure. It was hotter than Satan’s zipper, on top of all the other nonsense.

I’ve met a few celebrities in my life, including many baseball legends at minor league games, not unlike the ones I attended this past Friday and Saturday nights. Most fell into the Peterman category… not openly rude, but just trying to get through it. When I was a kid that was disappointing to me. I thought they’d be friendly and warm and loving every minute of it. Ha! You live and learn, as they say.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the baseball players I met as a Jiffy Pop-haired youngster, and the categories I’d place them in:

Super friendly, just as I’d hoped: Bob Feller, Satchel Paige

Peterman-like: Mickey Mantle, Pete Rose, Sparky Anderson, Whitey Ford, Ralph Kiner

Openly rude: Hank Aaron, Willie Mays

There were others, but those are the ones I can remember off the top o’ my head. Hank Aaron was ridiculous and was also sucking down cigs, which was weird. And Willie was not nice, either. Mickey Mantle was indifferent, and so was Sparky. Those kinda stung a little. I wanted more from both of them. Oh well.

On a more positive note: Bob Feller and Satchel Paige were an absolute delight. They seemed to be having fun and enjoying it as much as we were.

I also met a few musician heroes through the years. I’d put them all into the Peterman category. Paul Westerberg seemed ill-at-ease, but was trying to be friendly. He was making an effort, which I appreciated, but clearly didn’t want to be there. Nick Lowe was the friendliest to me, but I saw him be kind of a dick to a Tower Records employee (heh). He was also drinking bottles of Corona at 10 am, which seemed odd. And Iggy Pop fell dead-center in the Peterman column. Just trying to get through it…

Those were the ones that meant the most to me. I met a bunch of others, being in the business for all those years. But the Big Three for me is Paul, Nick, and Iggy. So far.

What do you have on this one? Have you ever met someone you admired and they acted differently than expected? Please tell us about it. I’m interested in the rude bastards, as well as the super-nice ones. Please bring us up to date on it. Oh, I almost forgot… I also met a couple of writers I admire, and both were exceedingly friendly: Richard Russo and Harry Crews. Those were at book signings at Oxford Books in Atlanta. And, of course, my friend Karen Duffy is one of the nicest, coolest people in the world! What do you have on this? Please share your celebrity encounter experiences in the comments.

And I uploaded a new podcast episode late last night if you’re interested in such things. You can listen below, here, or wherever you get podcasts.

I’m going to a show in Philadelphia on Thursday: Chuck Cleaver and Lisa Walker of the band Wussy. Should be fun! Except for the Philly traffic. Ugh. My tolerance level, at this point, is greatly depleted.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

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I Used Up All The Good Topics In The Podcast, So Here’s The Podcast

I’m way off schedule on my podcastin’ duties, but I did release a new episode last night that covers all the “important” shit going on around here. Including, but not limited to:

My Ancestry DNA results
Toney’s Ancestry results, which are far more controversial
The rambunctious wiener dog we’re apparently keeping for a week(?!)
My exciting Amazon Prime Day purchases
An upcoming weekend dedicated to minor league baseball
The Chuck Cleaver show I’ll be attending next week

It’s a good episode… you know, relatively speaking. Check it out if you’re so inclined. It’s embedded below (fancy ass!), right here, or wherever you get podcasts.

And don’t forget about our hotline. Have a few pops one night, and give it a call. The number is at the top of this post. It’s fun! Leave a question, comment or suggestion and there’s a very good chance I’ll use it in a future episode.

Also, I’m working up the logistics, and also my nerve, and planning to occasionally have guests on the show soon. If it works out, that is. I’m hoping to have David Letterman on, and maybe Jimmy Page. But if they don’t respond it could be people like my old friend Rocky, and maybe Steve. We’ll just have to see how it plays out. It makes me nervous because there’s no evidence that I’m equipped to handle that kind of interview. The ones I’m accustomed to generally consist of me saying things like, “So, why’d you get shitcanned from your previous job?” The idea of conducting a radio-style interview makes me sweat a little. But that’s a good thing, right? …Hello?

Anyway, sorry I sucked up all the material for the podcast. But give it a listen if you have a chance, especially if you’ve never listened before. Also, in the comments tell me who you’d like to hear me interview. It ain’t gonna be Nostrils, or Sunny, or anything like that. So, all that’s out. But if you have other suggestions, please share. Maybe I could get one of my high school teachers to come on? Ha! I can just imagine that: “You were an insufferable little sarcastic prick. I hated you with all my being.” I have many options.

Have a great day, my friends!

I’ll be back soon.

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!