Laura Roberts's Blog, page 77

Enter the .ninja

My hosting provider recently sent me an email that piqued my curiosity:

Apparently they’re now offering .ninja domain names.

That’s right: I can now call my website LauraRoberts.ninja to indicate my stealth and cunning. How awesome is that?

Okay, the bad news is that Ninja.ninja is already taken. (Boo, hiss!) But it’s been making me think about all the magical possibilities for this new domain extension. I mean, since I write about ninjas, this is obviously right in my area of expertise. I would be stupid NOT to buy a .ninja domain, right?

Of course, the reason they have started giving out .ninja domains is because they equate “ninja” with “guru.” To me, these are decidedly NOT synonyms. A ninja is quick, stealthy and deadly — a hired assassin who will ruthlessly go for whatever his (or her) objective. A guru is the guy you see meditating on a rug in the lotus position, thinking about world peace. Or the guy who is trying to swindle you into buying his next online course about how to sell ice to penguins in the Antarctic. Ew.

“Guru” stinks of “sham,” for me. And, equally so, if you’re using the term “ninja” to generally mean “master” or “expert,” I think you’re doing it wrong. (Also, can I just say  that calling yourself a Ninja is, like, sooooo 2013?) So while I am certainly a ninja enthusiast, I am not actually a ninja. I can differentiate between fantasy and reality, unlike a lot of the characters who are no doubt gobbling up .ninja domains as I type this.

In sum, although I am tickled by the idea of being able to own a .ninja domain, ultimately I don’t think I will invest. After all, people are already confused enough by the Button Tapir.

Would you invest in a .ninja domain?

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What’s a Button Tapper?

Whenever someone asks me for my email address or the name of my website, I usually get this question:

“What’s a Button Tapper?”

Some even pronounce it wrong, asking “What’s a Button Tapir?” I guess that’d be some sub-species of this cute little creature:

The elusive tapir, absconding from his lair!

All joking aside, a Button Tapper is basically what it sounds like: someone who pushes buttons (or taps them lightly and rhythmically) for a living.

In other words, it’s a synonym for a Writer.

And what do writers do? They write! Hence today’s post, in which I introduce my audacious goal of writing a blog post every day – with weekends off for good behavior – for the next 90 days. Or until I run out of things to write about, which might actually never happen.

So why have I decided to test my writerly limits in this way? Three reasons.

I like writing challenges, (see: NaNoWriMo, the 3-Day Novel Challenge, the Blogging A to Z April Challenge, #AStoryAWeek, etc.) and my summer could use a new one to make things official.
I really enjoy blogging, but often get pulled away from it by my various other writing projects, and want to recommit to it.
Blogging helps me connect with readers, something that’s been missing in my writing life lately.

Blogging daily used to be a big part of my writing routine, and it has slowly slipped out of my repertoire as I’ve moved onto other projects, so I’d like to get back into that habit of writing a post a day. Ideally, I want to blend my “private” writing (e.g. my current works in progress) with my “public” writing (e.g. blogging) in order to keep the stories fresh in my mind, and to give you guys and gals a chance to chuck some feedback at my head. (Please, no tomatoes.)

In short, I hope you’ll enjoy following me on my writing journey during the next 90 days — and beyond! And don’t be shy; bust out with your comments if the spirit moves you.

P.S. If you haven’t signed up for my mailing list yet, why not go for it? You’ll get a weekly digest of all my posts (NOT daily updates, so your inbox won’t get clogged), and I promise never, ever to spam you. You’ll also get a free copy of The Portable Laura Roberts for being so rad. So what are you waiting for? Click here to join.

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Hump Day Reviews: The Pleasure Dial

Jeremy Edwards’ latest book, The Pleasure Dial: An Erotocomedic Novel of Old-Time Radio, hits all the sweet spots with as many sex scenes as zany plot twists. Set in the 1930s and starring a cast of characters hard at work on an old-time radio series, the book is all over the dial with saucy scenes in the bath, bedroom and even the back lots of a Hollywood sound stage.

Artie Plask is the newest writer on the Sid Heffy show, and when he moves out to California to seek his fortune in radio, he really hits the jackpot. Between writing comedy gags poolside while the boss’s sex-positive daughter swims naked and letting his co-writer, Mariel, tickle his fancy with the feather from her cloche hat, Artie has plenty to love about his new job. But soon enough Artie finds himself inextricably intertwined with both women, both professionally and sexually, on the bumpy road to radio fame when Heffy fires his writing team and takes up the ill-advised goal of becoming a dramatic superstar. Quelle horreur! Will Artie and Mariel manage to convince Heffy to reconsider and re-hire the team, or will their lives take a spin around the dial for the worse?

A lighthearted take on the golden days of radio plays, both comedic and dramatic, The Pleasure Dial combines sex and silliness for a truly unique take on the historic erotic fiction genre. The sex is hot, the characters are lovable, and readers will surely walk away from this book with a strange new appreciation for mannequins. Crank up your stereo to 11 and read this on a sultry summer day with nothing on your mind but pleasure and sunshine, or rekindle your summer love in the bath on a cold winter night with Edwards’ engaging, erotic ode to a bygone era.

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Hump Day Reviews: LUST

LUST: Kinky Online personal Ads from Seattle’s The Stranger, adapted by Ellen Forney, is an awesome collection of illustrated personal ads from Seattle’s independent weekly. It sounds like a strange premise for a book, but as sex columnist Dan Savage (of “Savage Love”) explains in the introduction, “The personal ads in The Stranger aren’t for the faint of heart.”

Since personal ads in print have always been limited space-wise by payment that functions by the number of words the author uses, the Lustlab ads became even more hardcore by the limited words available for expressing extremely specific kinks. In order to lighten the mood, the newspaper began a series called “Lustlab Ad of the Week,” which featured Forney’s distinctive artistic style as well as selections from actual personal ads. The result has found its way into this 168-page book, along with some of Forney’s interviews with the people who inspired her work.

A Frida Kahlo kinkster from LUST (p. 63)

The book is at times hilarious, sometimes creepy (when you think too much about what some of these people are looking for), but always presented in a sex-positive, non-judgmental manner. Forney’s drawings are fabulous, a mixture of cute and sexy with lots of allusions from pop culture to high art. A large part of the fun is in seeing how she translates the print ads to graphics, without being crude. It’s a really playful take on ads that could otherwise come off as filthy and sensational.

Sissy boy maid, in need of a mistress (p. 121)

Recommended for anyone who’s ever read the personals section, taken out an ad or looked for sex and love online!

For more of Ellen Forney’s graphic work, check out ellenforney.com. She also posts new Lustlab ads weekly on her blog.

(Originally reviewed at Black Heart Magazine)

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Hump Day Reviews: Sapphic Traffic

I’ve got issues with stationery. Drop me into any store where paper and ink are on sale, in various forms, and I will be content to browse for hours. It may well be a sickness, or an obsession.

It may also partially explain why I loved Suki Lee’s book, Sapphic Traffic, so much.

See, on first glance, the book appealed to some of my strangest obsessions. Its paper may not be stationery-grade, but the book itself (published by awesome Montrealers Conundrum Press) is small in size and nearly square in shape, which gives it a very intimate, made-just-for-you feel. This is the sort of thing that’s really at the root of all my swooning over pretty notebooks and fancy pens: the idea that someone could take those blank pages and write a book that is completely personalized for a very small readership – maybe even an audience of one.

I suppose the rationale is the smaller the book, the more intimate the feeling. Since Lee’s book fits into your purse or back pocket, you get the impression that it must have been written especially for you.

For those who don’t share my particular brand of insanity, you’ll be happy to know that when I cracked the pages, I found even more to love. Lee’s prose is short and succinct, and follows characters with a variety of obsessions, whether they are sexual, artistic or otherwise.

Though the stories are based on 1950s-style lesbian pulp books, they’re not just hot girl-on-girl action to satisfy the horny reader. Some are touching, strange, beautiful. All of them feature lesbian protagonists, and most of the characters are female, but without the book’s title in mind, you wouldn’t even think about these subtle differences. And that’s as it should be; these aren’t “lesbian stories” that should be segregated from “straight stories.” They’re just great stories.

Granted, some of them do feature the hot girl-on-girl action that readers of erotica crave, and the sexual scenes are well done. The first story, “Diva Antoinette Concherez,” features a star-fucker who ultimately seeks to assume the star’s identity, and there’s both an intriguing view of celebrity and a number of love scenes, satisfying two of my dirty obsessions simultaneously.

All in all, I’d recommend this book to anyone interested in honest depictions of female relationships, as (thankfully) none of these are your average, run-of-the-mill stories about romcom-ish women in love. The characters in this book aren’t outlandish; instead, they strike the reader as real – something truly original in a world of dull social clichés and so-called family values.

(Originally reviewed at Black Heart Magazine)

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Attack of the Serial Novelist

One of the most common questions I get, once people discover I’m a writer, is the ever-popular, “What are you working on?”

Well, guess what? Today you’re finally getting an answer!

I’m actually working on a bunch of different projects, but the most exciting one is a serial I’m publishing with Jukepop.

First things first: what the heck is Jukepop?

Good question! Jukepop is a platform that helps writers publish their novels as serials. In case you’ve never read a novel this way, it’s basically portioning out the book to you one chapter at a time, whether that’s once a week, every two weeks, once a month, or whenever the hell the writer gets around to sitting their ass in a chair and typing up the next few scenes. Lovers of Charles Dickens probably already know that he’s the world’s foremost example of the serial novelist. So while I accidentally-on-purpose compare myself to the old man himself, I highly recommend reading novels in this manner, because it’s a cool way to see a story develop and it definitely heightens the suspense of reading a mystery.

Jukepop publishes all kinds of serials, including mysteries, which is why I decided to give the site a whirl and start publishing my novel, The Case of the Cunning Linguist, one chapter at a time.

You may remember The Case of the Cunning Linguist from my NaNoWriMo project this past November. If you’ve been wondering whatever became of that sexy murder-mystery, then guess what, Sherlock? The jig is up, and this mystery’s been solved! (Elementary, wasn’t it?)

If you’ve got a minute or two to take a look at the first chapter, I would really appreciate your feedback and your + votes (which are kind of like Facebook’s “Like” button), so head on over to Jukepop and tell me what you think.

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Happy California Bookstore Day!

Happy California Bookstore Day!

Here in San Diego, celebrations are happening at The Grove and the Library Shop downtown, as well as at Mysterious Galaxy in Kearny Mesa and Warwick’s in La Jolla.

So what’s the big deal about going to your neighborhood bookstore on May 3?

Well, you get a shot at snagging these limited-edition items — only available on California Bookstore Day — for one thing. Personally, I’m gunning for one of these Lemony Snicket “Bookish Life” prints:

I also wouldn’t mind scoring one of the California Classics box set: John Fante, Charles Bukowski, Armistead Maupin and Elmore Leonard all in one box. How awesome is that?

If you’re bookish and you live in California, check out the California Bookstore Day website to find a participating independent bookstore near you and join in on the fun!

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Blog every day?! 2014 A to Z Challenge reflections

After a whirlwind April, it’s finally May — and the A to Z blogging challenge is over.

Since 2012, I’ve really enjoyed participating in this yearly blogging challenge, and whenever it finishes, I typically ask myself “Why don’t I do this every month?”

Well, the obvious answer is “Hell’s bells, I just don’t have that kind of time!” Between working my day job, editing my literary magazine (and finding new recruits to help me with it), and continuing to write and publish — and market — books on a regular basis, my life is pretty full already.

But blogging is definitely fun, and it’s always something I have on my To Do list that I look actually forward to doing.

So why is it so hard to keep up the momentum of blogging daily?

Part of it is because of this whole internal debate most writers have, perpetually asking themselves “Why should I write anything for free?” (Which is a blog post for another day!) Another part of it is simply that by adding more writing to your writing workload, you tend to get burnt out, or it simply becomes harder to finish all of your other writing projects. Since I’m always juggling at least 3 projects at once, things can definitely get tricky the more writing you feel you have to put out on a daily basis — especially if any of it is intended for immediate consumption.

Still, I do appreciate the discipline it takes to write a blog on a daily basis, and I do believe it makes me a better writer. So why don’t I do it?

I don’t have a truly legitimate answer to that question, other than the fact that some days I just don’t want to write a blog post. Some days I’d rather pen a private journal in a notebook just for me, or scribble some poems, or even try to get some of my crime writer friends to help me write a bank heist story over Facebook (which I did today, and by the way: if any Montreal bankers are reading this, please tell the police that all those Google searches I did for specs of that outdoor vault in the Old Port were totally for fictional use only).

In the end, I think I enjoy the A to Z challenge so much precisely because it’s only one month out of the year. It’s something to look forward to, and it’s a fun way to meet your writing goals. This year I also did Camp NaNoWriMo (with a goal of 15,000 words), and at least half of that word count came from my A to Z blog posts. (The other half were dedicated to my Zodiac Sex book, which should be ready for release in June if all goes well.)

I do plan to reformulate these posts into an ebook (complete with racy flash fiction!) during the month of May, so if you’re interested in pre-ordering a copy, the book will be titled Play With Me: Sex Toys from A to Z. You can order your copy for the mega-low price of $2.99 via Paypal here.

So all in all, I’m happy about my work this month on the A to Z challenge, and I my have even attracted a few new avid readers interested in my sex-related writing projects. If you’re one of them, please sign up for my mailing list so we can keep in touch! (I promise never to spam you, and this list will deliver content to your inbox just once a week.)

The next challenge is… coming up with a theme for 2015!

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Z is for Stronic Zwei

Stronic Zwei is the world’s first thrusting sex toy. It looks like this:

As opposed to vibrating, like most toys, this one actually thrusts deeper into your body, to provide that penetrating sensation we all know and love. With 10 different thrusting patterns, you can mimic sweet and sensual lovemaking or full-on jackhammering. Hot!

Though the Fun Factory website for this product suggests the Zwei primarily for men, I can certainly imagine women enjoying this toy as well. After all, who doesn’t love a little thrusting?

There are also two other pulsating products in the Stronic line, the Drei and the Pulsator (which truly resembles a truncated lightsaber, and is billed as a cheaper alternative to the Sybian).

Finally, I dare you not to get up and dance to their informational video:

Would you invest in a thrusting toy or a vibrating one?

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Y is for Yva by Lelo

Yva is a luxury vibrator made by Lelo. It looks like this:

Available in both genuine gold (18k gold plated) and silver, Yva is an upscale version of Lelo’s Lily and Nea clit massagers. Of course, at $2,890 for the silver version and $3,900 for the gold, this little lady is a wee bit out of the average consumer’s price range.

Another less exorbitantly priced option for clit massaging action is Lelo’s Siri:

At $99, it’s still a bit on the pricy side, but Lelo does create very well-made products, and this one comes with a one-year warranty in addition to being easy to control and nearly silent.

The only thing that could make Siri even cooler is if it somehow incorporated the iPhone’s Siri for voice control and that trademark Apple iOS sense of humor.

“Siri, pleasure me now!”

Which is better, a clit massager or a voice controlled massager with an attitude?

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