Rob Smyth's Blog, page 162

The Fiver | A deceptively tender lover

In today’s Fiver: the FA Cup, funky fans in Lisbon and riffing on Juve’s crest

The Fiver likes to start the day with the same routine. We rumble out of bed, take a bleary sideways glance and stumble towards the bathroom. Then we look in the mirror at 19 stone of weathered masculinity and announce our deluded mantra: “Yep, still got it.”

Related: Lincoln City manager Danny Cowley proud of FA Cup ‘win for the people’

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Football transfer rumours: Antoine Griezmann to Manchester United?

Today’s flim-flam wants to create a little dysentery among the ranks

Manchester United have had a soft spot for French supremacy since the days when Eric Cantona tried to literally kick xenophobia out of football and left the rest of the country foaming with impotent rage as he lifted a title every season. José Mourinho knows his history, it seems, as he is turning United into a mini-France faster than you can say “Brexit means Brexit”. He already has Paul Pogba and Anthony Martial, and now he is planning to buy Antoine Griezmann in the summer!

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Ivory Coast 0-0 Togo: Afcon 2017 – as it happened

The defending champions were held to a goalless draw by Togo in a cautious opening match

5.57pm GMT

The first rule of tournament football is you shall not

talk about tourn
lose the first game, and that fear dominated a poor game. We shouldn’t underestimate how good a result that is for Togo, however. Thanks for your company, night!

5.51pm GMT

90 min Added minutes there will be three.

5.50pm GMT

89 min Togo’s final substitution: Razak Boukari replaces the terrific Adebayor.

5.50pm GMT

88 min Aurier heads Grazel’s diniked cross just wide. It was a really good effort, flicked deliberately towards the far corner. The keeper was nowhere near it and it drifted past the post.

5.48pm GMT

87 min Togo make another substitution, with Dossevi replaced by Komlan Agbegniadan.

5.47pm GMT

84 min Adebayor has had a paternal influence on the game, moving all over the field, trying to be involved in everything. It’s quite sweet actually. Togo have been terrific, they fully deserve a draw. Their two wingers, Bebou and Dossevi, have both looked really dangerous at times.

5.43pm GMT

81 min Togo replace Laba with Serge Akakpo, and Ivory Coast bring on Bournemouth’s Max Gradel for Aston Villa’s Kodija.

5.42pm GMT

80 min The lively Dossevi bursts into the box on the right and dinks the ball onto the roof of the net. I’m not sure whether that was a mishit cross or an attempt to chip Gbouhou, but it doesn’t really matter either way.

5.40pm GMT

79 min Bony beats Ouro with a stepover and is flattened just outside the area. The free-kick is a fair way to the left of centre and Aurier clatters it into the wall.

5.39pm GMT

78 min That was a chance for Togo. Adebayor plays a nice reverse ball down the left to Bebou, whose cross is headed over from near the penalty spot by Laba. It looked a great chance, though replays showed it took a small but vital deflection off a defender just before it reached Laba.

5.37pm GMT

77 min Almost a chance for Togo. Dossevi’s free-kick from the right flashes dangerously across the six-yard box before being cleared.

5.36pm GMT

76 min Ivory Coast are starting to have more of the ball, though you couldn’t really say they are dominating as they aren’t creating anything.

5.34pm GMT

73 min I suppose, as terrible as this game has been, the result would be okay for both sides. Ivory Coast still have two winnable games to come against DR Congo and Morocco, while Togo - who got to this tournament by going through the cat-flap in the back door - would still have hope of sneaking through the group.

5.32pm GMT

71 min “Hello from the United States,” says Joe Harvey. “As an academy washout, and a man who plays with some former professionals, how crap they are in 5 a side depends mostly on what made them special when they were pros. There are a fair amount of good players for whom once the pace is gone, the game is completely gone. Not that they aren’t functional and you wouldn’t want them on your team- practicing 5 days a week for however many years has its benefits, they just don’t set themselves apart from the pack in a very competitive league. It’s rare that they can take over a match. There are exceptions - I played with a guy who should still be playing at Werder Bremen, and he would single-handedly wrest the match from even very good opposing teams.”

On that note, I saw one of the Brazil 1998 World Cup squad playing seven-a-side recently and, seriously, he was rubbish.

5.29pm GMT

70 min One Wilfried replaces another for Ivory Coast: Bony for Zaha. That’s a surprise as Zaha has been a threat, especially in the last 10 minutes.

5.29pm GMT

68 min Zaha surges down the right onto a long pass, does a Cruyff-turn on the run to get past Djene and moves infield before hitting a left-footed shot that is superbly blocked by Gakpe. That shot was certainly on target and possibly heading towards the corner.

5.26pm GMT

67 min Bebou, who has been sporadically dangerous down the left for Togo, runs at Aurier and wins a corner. It’s headed clear.

5.26pm GMT

66 min So anyway, who do you reckon did shoot JR?

5.24pm GMT

65 min Ivory Coast make their first change: Seri off, Doukoure on.

5.21pm GMT

62 min Kessie is given a soft free-kick just outside the Toga area. Kalou wafts it over the bar; Phil Podolsky winces knowingly.

5.18pm GMT

59 min Zaha has been the most vivacious and probably the best attacker on the pitch. He plays a good pass down the line to Kessie, whose cross is headed clear.

5.17pm GMT

57 min Kodija wins a corner for Ivory Coast on the left. It’s played short to Zaha, who surges past Atakora on the edge of the box and hits a rising drive not far over the top. The keeper had it covered but it was good play from Zaha.

5.15pm GMT

55 min Kodija heads a simple chance wide from eight yards, then finds out he was offside anyway.

5.13pm GMT

53 min Serey Die fouls Laba, 30 yards from goal. Ayite decides not to shoot on goal, instead playing it wide to Gakpe. As the ball bounces up he heads it way from Traore, who accidentally kicks him flush in the coupon. Kapow! Another free-kick for Togo, this time just outside the box on the right. Dossevi overhits it and, though Adebayor stretches to head the ball back into the area, the attack soon fizzles out. Togo made a not inconsiderable Horlicks of two free-kicks in very good positions.

5.08pm GMT

49 min “Hi Rob,” says Kelvin. “Stockport’s Kevin Francis was crap... Please post before and after pictures.”

I wasn’t talking about my eyes, Kelvin.

5.08pm GMT

48 min The players have seen the sleepy start to the first half and lowered it. The lack of urgency on both sides, even allowing for the inevitable first-match-of-the-tournament caution, has verged on the weird.

5.06pm GMT

47 min David Edson has contributed to the Adebayor love-in, sending in the below clip. I hadn’t seen that before. It’s a rare type of goal: the close-range screamer.

5.05pm GMT

46 min Emmanuel Adebayor begins the second half for Togo.

4.59pm GMT

Half-time crapchat

“Rob,” says Steve Johnson. “You undersell how good many of these crap players are. You could stick most of them in a Championship side and they would stand out, never mind embarrassing your average Booze-Ravaged Middle Aged Wednesday Night 5-a-Siders. In fact there are a lot of ‘crap’ players who are not actually crap at all, but received wisdom or fashion or whatever it is deems them to be so. I know what I’m talking about. I am a Stockport County fan and over the years we have had a lot of crap players…”

4.51pm GMT

That was not the greatest half of football in the history of mankind. It probably wasn’t in the top gazillion. But the second half will be better! Right?

4.50pm GMT

45+1 min Dossevi yelps for a penalty when a cross hits the arm of Traore. He was jumping on the spot, imploring anyone and everyone to give a penalty. It did hit Traore’s arm but I think it deflected off his chest and certainly wasn’t deliberate.

4.48pm GMT

45 min “’Lively’ is probably as fulsome a praise as Kalou’s performances have ever merited,” says Phil Podolsky. “For years I’ve writing to the MBM to say ‘he can’t possibly be one of the best 11 footballers of any given nation state’ yet there he is, every time.”

What I love about crap footballers, or perceived crap footballers, is that if they played 5-a-side with us they would be the best player on the pitch by a million miles.

4.47pm GMT

44 min Kodija works a shooting position in the box but it’s blocked by Ouro.

4.45pm GMT

43 min Togo have had three corners in as many minutes. All of them produced sweet bugger all but, well, it’s the thought that counts.

4.44pm GMT

40 min Laba, as he is falling over, stabs a good pass round the corner for Dossevi, and Serey Die has to get back and concede a corner.

4.41pm GMT

36 min A bone-crunching challenge in the middle of the pitch between Ayite and Serey Die. Ayite was penalised but the Togo players were really unhappy with Sereye Die’s challenge and ran towards the referee. It was certainly a zestful tackle, and Ayite is off the field receiving treatment, though I don’t think he went over the top or anything like that. They just clattered into each other at speed.

4.38pm GMT

33 min Zaha skins Djene thrillingly on the right and drives a dangerous low cross into the six-yard box. The keeper Agassa plunges to his right to make a half-save, without which Kodija might have had a tap-in, and it’s helped behind for a corner by Gakpe.

4.35pm GMT

32 min At the risk of patronising 11 gentlemen who are infinitely better at football than I ever was, Togo have done really well so far. What was supposed to be a one-sided match has been pretty even in every aspect.

4.34pm GMT

29 min Great chance for Togo! An Ivory Coast corner was cleared to Adebayor, who launched a counter-attack with some deft footwork. Eventually Bebou, the lively left winger, played a fine angled pass to put Dossevi through on goal. He had to take the short first time on the stretch, and his stabbed shot was smothered by the outrushing Gbohouo. That was an excellent save, as much as anything for the anticipation and speed off his line.

4.29pm GMT

27 min A headed clearance drops to Adebayor, who tries an acrobatic volley from 35 yards. You can probably guess what happens next.

4.29pm GMT

25 min “Here is the reason why the stadiums are empty...” says Matt Kidd. “In summary, tickets were given away free to the Gabonese. Jean Ping’s supporters organized a boycott. People posted pictures to social media of burned and ripped up tickets.”

4.27pm GMT

24 min A cute touch from Adebayor allows Ayite to move towards the Ivory Coast area. The ball ricochets a few times before breaking to Laba on the edge of the box. Ayite is backing up the play and the two of them get in each others way to such an extent that Laba mishits a tame shot well wide.

4.26pm GMT

23 min “I assume you’re watching on telly and they’ve not stumped up flights for you?!?” says Michael Bushell. Arf! “Still, hoping that Wilf does his thing - if nothing else to highlight the FA’s general incompetence.”

4.25pm GMT

22 min Nothing remotely notable has happened in the last 10 minutes or so.

4.25pm GMT

21 min This game, thus far, has not been life-changing.

4.23pm GMT

18 min Ali G’s favourite footballer, Eric Bailly, is of course playing at the back for Ivory Coast. There are a few England-based players in the starting XIs today: Zaha, Adebayor, Kalou, Kodija and Ayite.

4.19pm GMT

17 min The free-kick is taken by Seri and headed behind for a corner by Adebayor, doing his Roy Race bit in both boxes.

4.18pm GMT

16 min Ivory Coast are starting to dominate the game, with Salomon Kalou looking particularly lively on the left. Zaha has started well too and wins a free-kick on the right edge of the area.

4.17pm GMT

14 min “Sorry about your empty inbox,” says Maria Hammershoy. “I’m following. Keep it up please! Togo needs to win.”

I just want Adebayor to do this again.

4.15pm GMT

12 min On reflection/after gawping at a couple of replays, I don’t think that was a foul from Gakpe. Kodija did well to get there first and manufacture a shot while off balance, and it was a decent save from Agassa.

4.14pm GMT

10 min Kodija has the first big chance of the match for Ivory Coast. He was put clear by a nice through ball by Kalou but was stumbling slightly after a tackle from Gakpe and could only stab his shot at the outrushing Agassa. If he had gone down that might have been a penalty.

4.11pm GMT

8 min This has been a decent start for Togo, who have enjoyed some good possession. The whole match feels very sluggish though.

4.09pm GMT

7 min A promising run down the left from Bebou, who nutmegs Aurier before playing it infield to Adebayor. He runs into trouble and that’s the end of that.

4.06pm GMT

4 min It’s been a very leisurely start to the game, with both teams ambling out of the blocks.

4.04pm GMT

2 min “Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!” writes JR in Illinois. “Of course it’s a holiday here in the U.S. so instead of work I get to watch some live soccerball. This will really banjax my usual podcast-listening schedule but I’ll just need to find time later. I got 7 answers correct on the quiz as well. Yeah, about 3 or 4 of those were essentially complete guesses. Then maybe 2 or 3 were educated guesses.”

Yeah, but that question where you had to write your own name was answered with total authority.

4.03pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! The Ivory Coast kick off from left to right. They are in white; Togo are in red.

4.01pm GMT

The stadium is surprisingly empty. My inbox is also empty, though this is less of a surprise.

3.50pm GMT

Pre-match quiz

I managed a respectable 7/10, thanks entirely to the wonders of multiple choice.

Related: How much do you know about the Africa Cup of Nations? – quiz

3.41pm GMT

I could talk about the merits of each team, but our African football expert Paul Doyle - no Wikipedia for him! - knows approximately 471234120429452354235 times more than I do, so here’s his preview:

Related: Afcon 2017: a group-by-group guide to the Africa Cup of Nations

3.33pm GMT

Ivory Coast (4-3-3) Gbohouo; Aurier, Bailly, Kanon, Traore; Seri, Serey Die, Kessie; Zaha, Kodjia, Kalou.

Togo (4-D-2) Agassa; Gakpé, Romao, Ouro, Djené; Atakora, Dossevi, Bebou; F.Ayité, Adebayor, Laba.

10.23am GMT

Hello. If you’re a student of African football, or you know how to use Wikipedia, you be aware that the Cup of Nations has been retained a fair bit in the 21st century. Cameroon won back-to-back tournaments in 2000 and 2002, and Egypt won three in a row from 2006 to 2010.

The Ivory Coast’s attempt to retain the trophy they won in 2015, and to win this trophy without recourse to a never-ending penalty shoot-out against Ghana in the final, starts today with what should - should - be a relatively comfortable match against Togo.

Related: Afcon 2017: Sadio Mané on target as Senegal defeat wasteful Tunisia

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Leicester City 0-3 Chelsea: Premier League – as it happened

Marcos Alonso scored twice as Chelsea restored their seven-point lead with a hugely impressive win over the champions

7.19pm GMT

That was just brilliant from Chelsea. They ignored all the pressure that other people felt they were under and calmly took Leicester apart with some clinical attacking football. They have restored their seven-point lead and made their player of the season so far, Diego Costa, look dispensable. Thanks for your company; night.

Related: Chelsea bandwagon rolls on as Marcos Alonso double sees off Leicester

7.16pm GMT

90 min There will be a bit of added time, nobody really cares how much.

7.14pm GMT

87 min Fuchs’ acrobatic hooked shot from the edge of the area is comfortably held by Courtois.

7.11pm GMT

84 min A double Chelsea change: Loftus-Cheek and Batshuayi on for the excellent pair of Willian and Pedro.

7.10pm GMT

83 min Moses fails to get a penalty with a dive in the box. But would he have done it if he wasn’t exposed to foreigners every day?

7.09pm GMT

80 min “It’s often asserted by pundits (though not evidenced, natch) that “You don’t become a bad player overnight”,” says Gary Naylor. “But some players do, don’t they? A bit of pace is lost, opponents work out how to neutralise them and the confidence inexorably drifts away. Is this what’s happened collectively at Leicester City - at least in Premier League matches?”

You could certainly make that case with Vardy – teams have played him much better – but generally I think it’s a psychological issue. They had nowhere to go after last season, and that has led to a small but significant drop in their motivation and level of performance. The fact they are doing so well in Europe supports this admittedly half-arsed hypothesis.

7.05pm GMT

79 min The game is starting to wind down. Eden Hazard, who gave a performance of routine genius, is replaced by Cesc Fabregas. His touch for the first goal was just brilliant.

7.04pm GMT

77 min Unless Liverpool win at Old Trafford tomorrow, Chelsea will be seven points clear with 17 games to go. In a league where the top six will all take points off each other, that’s a huge lead. Their next three games are Hull (H), Liverpool (A) and Arsenal (H). If they take seven points from those matches they will almost be champions because an Antonio Conte side is not going to drop many points against the smaller teams.

7.02pm GMT

76 min Albrighton is replaced by Danny Simpson for Leicester.

6.59pm GMT

72 min Another Leicester substitution: Gray replaces the anonymous Musa.

6.59pm GMT

It’s certainly over now. Pedro starts and finishes the move to put Chelsea 3-0 ahead. Kante played a short pass into Pedro on the edge of the box; he produced a spectacular no-look pirouette backheel to put Willian clear on the right of the box. Schmeichel came out, Willian dinked the ball over him, and Pedro headed the loose ball past Morgan on the line. I think Willian was fractionally offside but well, who cares.

6.57pm GMT

69 min This game is over. Chelsea have not been spectacular like Spurs this morning, but in the circumstances this has arguably been an even better performance. Their team spirit is a reality glimpsed on the cusp of their 14th victory in 15 league games. Imagine how good it must be to play for Antonio Conte. He could make Wayne Slob volunteer for a marathon.

6.54pm GMT

66 min Who was the last full-back or wing-back to score a hat-trick in the English top flight? Steve Nicol at Newcastle on Sunday 20 September 1987?

6.52pm GMT

64 min Oh my goodness! Alonso is this close to a hat-trick. Moses lifted a deep, swirling cross to the edge of the box, where his fellow wing-back Alonso watched the ball so carefully onto his left foot before swishing a brilliant volley that flew fractionally wide of the far post with Schmeichel beaten. That was beautiful technique.

6.50pm GMT

62 min We are entering the age of the acrobatic volley. Andy Carroll scored one today, and now Gary Cahill tries his luck. After a corner was headed up in the air, Cahill produced an elegant overhead kick that hit Morgan and went behind for a corner. It did hit Morgan’s arm but it was in front of his chest so there was no real appeal for a penalty.

6.47pm GMT

61 min This has been such an impressive performance from Chelsea. They have so much mental strength, much of which comes from their magnificent manager.

6.46pm GMT

60 min A Leicester substitution: Shinji Okazaki replaces Robert Huth.

6.45pm GMT

58 min A bit of action at both ends. Albrighton, anticipating a tackle from Alonso that never comes, falls over. No penalty. Then Hazard gets one v one in the box against Morgan, who does brilliantly to force him wide and ensure he can’t get a shot in.

6.41pm GMT

54 min Alonso has scored in the sixth minute of each half. Diego Who?!?!?!?!?!?!

6.41pm GMT

53 min “How’s the alcohol-free year going?” asks Wilson Beuys. “I’ve had occasion myself to skip the good stuff, and I usually find after about two weeks the thought of drinking again seems strangely... almost dirty. As if it would sully my now-pure body. The longest I’ve ever managed was three months, and that was an illness + treatment = no alcohol thing, so speaking as someone who enjoys getting outside a tall glass of something with a bit of kick, I take my beret off to you.”

I wouldn’t take it off yet: it’s only been two weeks. That said, it’s amusing how quickly you can ascend the moral high ground. I went to the cinema on Tuesday and everyone was supping cocktails and red wine and generally enjoying life. I sneered as I savoured a room-temperature Strathmore. All those losers on the piss again.

6.40pm GMT

52 min Replays show that it didn’t hit both Morgan’s legs - it deviated off Morgan and took a second deflection off the studs of Drinkwater, who knew nothing about it, before zipping past Schmeichel.

6.39pm GMT

The free-kick for that Fuchs foul leads to a second goal for Marcos Alonso. It flashed across the box and was headed clear to Alonso in the D. He controlled it and drove a shot that took a double deflection off Morgan - it hit both pads, in cricket parlance - and wrongfooted Schmeichel.

6.37pm GMT

50 min Fuchs is booked for pulling Willian back in plain sight.

6.36pm GMT

48 min Chelsea have started the second half strongly, as they did the first. There was a lot of hot air from Leicester in the first half, plenty of it admirable, but ultimately Courtois didn’t have that much to do.

6.34pm GMT

47 min PS: if you are feeling generous. (And thanks ever so much to those who have donated already.)

6.33pm GMT

47 min “Hi Rob,” says James Calder. “What do you make of Ndidi so far? He’s hardly a Mahrez-style steal at 15m quid but he looks like a longer-legged version of Kante. He can obviously pick a pass too.”

It sounds stupid but when you do an MBM you don’t really get a sense of how good a player is – you’re so busy panicking and typing and looking at emails and panicking, so you only really pick up on the highlights. But I do remember one gorgeous crossfield pass, driven all along the floor to Drinkwater, and one really good tackle at a time when Leicester were bullying Chelsea a bit. The co-commentator Owen Hargreaves had said plenty of nice things about him, and his judgement of a player is extremely good.

6.32pm GMT

46 min Peep peep!

6.24pm GMT

On reflection, I’m not sure Alonso was offside for the goal - it looked like a square pass from Hazard.

6.22pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Raymond Reardon. “It’s the Russians interfering with the Guardian’s live MBM blogs that has caused multiple entries on screens.....something about doubling up on electoral votes or something.”

The Russians? They’re not all bad.

6.21pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat

“Only for the record: Marcos Alonso was offside when Hazard played him, by the same (very narrow) margin as Mata v. Hull earlier this week,” says Zoltan Toszegi. “(But I do agree with bias for the attacking team.)”

6.18pm GMT

Half-time reading

Related: In defence of the 48-team World Cup

6.17pm GMT

Peep peep! Chelsea just about deserve to lead in a good if relatively uneventful game. Marcos Alonso’s classy early goal is the difference at the moment. See you in 10 minutes for more fun and games.

6.15pm GMT

43 min Pedro misses an excellent chance to make it 2-0. It came from a training-ground free-kick, with David Luiz dummying to shoot before fizzing the ball into Hazard in the D. He played it first time through to Pedro, who sliced a left-footed shot high and wide from 15 yards. It was slightly behind him but he will still feel he should have troubled the official Premier League Shots on Target Statistician.

6.13pm GMT

42 min Courtois has dealt assertively with Fuchs’ long throws all night, and there’s another example. He is so impressive - and he’s still only 24, which is ridiculous given how good he is and what he has achieved. His quiet authority is a little reminiscent of Peter Shilton.

6.10pm GMT

39 min Just to reiterate: if it stays like this, crisis club Chelsea will be seven points clear and on a run of 14 wins in 15 league games.

6.07pm GMT

36 min Chelsea are such a hard team to get through in central positions, with essentially five central defensive players - two in midfield and three at the back. All the more reason to give the ball to Albrighton and put a few crosses in. Just as I’m typing this guff, Vardy spins Cahill on the right wing and puts in a really dangerous low cross with his left foot. David Luiz stretches at the near post but then pulls his foot away, fearing an own goal, and Courtois reacts superbly to palm it clear.

6.04pm GMT

33 min “Quite clear where Leicester have been going wrong this season,” says Adam Hirst. “They just don’t have the same quality pitch, like a poor photocopy of 2015-16.

6.04pm GMT

32 min Chelsea have calmed things down after that little Albrighton assault, and at the moment there is a sense of stalemate in the pattern of play, if not the actual score.

6.00pm GMT

30 min Hazard plays a one-two with Kante and is clattered firmly but fairly by Huth in the box. He is such a threat as a No9, especially away from home.

5.58pm GMT

26 min This is so much better from Leicester, who have started to bully Chelsea a little bit, particularly in midfield.

5.55pm GMT

24 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Seeing as you’re the Ian Rush of live blogging, if indeed an offer from China that was too good to resist came your way, you could go for a season and if it didn’t work out the Guardian would always take you back. ‘It was like live blogging in a foreign country’ etc etc.”

It was a shock to the system: I always thought football was a universal language, etc. Also, you’ve confused Ian Rush with Carl Leaburn.

5.54pm GMT

22 min Another beautiful right-wing delivery from Albrighton is cushioned by Matic and headed behind by Cahill. Nothing comes from the corner. Leicester should give the ball to Albrighton at every opportunity because, as Owen Hargreaves says on BT, he is putting on a clinic in how to cross a ball.

5.52pm GMT

21 min Leicester have started to come into this game. Drinkwater’s dangerous cross is volleyed off Moses by David Luiz, who was trying to put it behind for a corner I think. That could have gone anywhere but luckily for Chelsea it ricocheted to safety.

5.50pm GMT

18 min That first Albrighton pass was similar to this one from David Beckham, except from an even deeper position.

5.49pm GMT

17 min This is better from Leicester. Drinkwater harasses Alonso and finds Albrighton, who lifts a fine cross towards the middle of the six-yard line. Chilwell leaps above Moses and flicks a header well wide of the far post. Moses did enough to make it difficult for Chilwell, who had to stretch to make contact and couldn’t get enough on the ball as a result.

5.47pm GMT

16 min Albrighton, just inside his own half on the touchline, plays a magnificent curling pass around the Chelsea defence that just eludes Vardy in the box.

5.43pm GMT

12 min Leicester are diligently defending their one-goal deficit, sitting deep and trying to play on the counter. A second Chelsea goal looks far more likely at the moment.

5.41pm GMT

10 min “China here,” says Ian Copestake. “How much would it take for you to not publish emails from your mate Copestake?”

Hello China, nice to hear from you. I suppose my view would be that, well, China are certainly looking to develop their football, looking at their signings and their recruitment. If an opportunity came along I am contracted to the Guardian but I have to look at my long-term strategy of my career. How long can I last as a liveblogger? I have been at the Guardian 13 years. It’s been a wonderful 13 years. There is no offer on the table but if they made an offer it would be under consideration. But at the moment I still enjoy working for the Guardian.

5.41pm GMT

8 min That Musa shot aside, this has been an outstandingly authoritative start from Chelsea - so much so that it can only be a matter of minutes before the words “Diego Who?” are uttered in the banter style.

5.38pm GMT

The goal came from a right-wing cross by Azpilicueta, which bounced around the box before falling to Hazard eight yards from goal. He showed superb awareness to ignore the shot, which Morgan would have blocked, and tee up Alonso with a calm square pass. It invited - demanded - a first-time shot and Alonso wrapped his right foot around the ball to belt a curler past Schmeichel. That was an excellent finish and a superb assist from Hazard: 99.94 per cent of players would have had a shot in that situation.

5.36pm GMT

What a start for Chelsea!

5.35pm GMT

4 min “Costa is obviously good but he’s all wrong for the England game,” says Gavin Steele. “Hope he goes to China to be honest!”

Gavin may or may not be a Spurs/Arsenal/Liverpool/Manchester City/Manchester United fan.

5.32pm GMT

2 min Leicester almost take the lead after 80 seconds! Musa stumbles through an unusually woolly challenge from Azpilicueta on the left of the box before hitting a shot from a tight angle that is beaten away by Courtois.

5.30pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Leicester kick off from left to right. They are in blue; Chelsea are wearing their black and grey away strip.

5.25pm GMT

What do you make of this Diego Costa business? I suppose my view would be that, well, China are certainly looking to develop their football, looking at their signings and their recruitment. If an opportunity came along I am contracted to the Guardian but I have to look at my long-term strategy of my career. How long can I last as a liveblogger? I have been at the Guardian 13 years. It’s been a wonderful 13 years. There is no offer on the table but if they made an offer it would be under consideration. But at the moment I still enjoy working for the Guardian.

5.11pm GMT

We’re having technical problems, and for once that’s not a euphemism. Apologies if you’ve had multiple posts inflicted on you. We’re working on it. I say ‘we’, I’m doing bugger all as I have no idea how to fix it. But somebody, somewhere is on the case.

4.50pm GMT

Hello. Chelsea are in crisis: they’ve lost their last one Premier League games, their most important player wants to go to China and their lead at the top is down to four points. We jest, of course, but you know how it is in modern football: the Premier League Crisis Baton has been transported to the King Power Stadium, ready to be handed over at the final whistle if necessary.

Chelsea will play 38 league games this season; this feels like one of the most significant. If they display their usual defiance and win, they go seven points clear and quieten the burgeoning hysteria. If they lose, the back pages will be theirs for the next few days, and their next few league fixtures - Hull, Liverpool, Arsenal - will look fraught with peril.

Related: Diego Costa dropped by Chelsea after row over huge offer from China

4.48pm GMT

Leicester (3-5-2) Schmeichel; Morgan, Huth, Fuchs; Albrighton, Drinkwater, Ndidi, Mendy, Chilwell; Vardy, Musa.
Substitutes: King, Kapustka, Simpson, Okazaki, Zieler, Gray, Wasilewski.

Chelsea (3-4-3) Courtois; Azpilicueta, David Luiz, Cahill; Moses, Kante, Matic, Alonso; Willian, Hazard, Pedro.
Substitutes: Begovic, Ivanovic, Fabregas, Zouma, Loftus-Cheek, Batshuayi, Chalobah.

11.02am GMT

Rob will be here soon enough. Chelsea come up against a familiar face in Claudio Ranieri today, but here’s some expensive news relating to another former manager:

Related: José Mourinho and his Chelsea coaches received £8.3m in severance pay

Continue reading...

Tottenham Hotspur 4-0 West Bromwich Albion: Premier League – as it happened

Harry Kane scored a hat-trick as Spurs moved up to second with a magnificent performance against West Brom

2.35pm GMT

Related: Harry Kane hat-trick leads Tottenham’s brilliant thumping of West Brom

2.23pm GMT

The last word goes to Mads Pihl, who is talking actual truth

“Now that everyone will be talking about Kane and All in the buildup to that fourth goal (and rightly so), I guess the presence of Eriksen is looking more and more like that of Iniesta’s at Barcelona in terms of importance for fluidity of play. They are probably two teams at different levels, and Eriksen is not at Iniesta’s level, but for every season that passes the Dane is exerting more of the same kind of consistent brilliance for his team as Iniesta started doing in his mid-early 20s. And yes, I am biased by my nationality. But still.”

2.19pm GMT

Peep peep! Spurs go up to second in the table Harry Kane celebrated the birth of his first child with a hat-trick yet the abiding memory will be of an almost flawless team performance in which they constantly displayed technical excellence at breakneck speed. All right-thinking neutrals should want Spurs to win the Premier League, because they are just so impressive. Thanks for your company; bye.

2.17pm GMT

90+1 min Son replaces Kane. On reflection, I’m not sure he did mishit that volley for the third goal - the replays suggest he deliberately guided it across Foster, which makes it an even better goal. Alli’s part, almost Bergkamp-like, was the best bit though.

2.16pm GMT

90 min With the exception of a couple of touches from Yacob and McClean, Spurs have had the ball for almost five minutes, a nice bit of ole football to end a very happy day.

2.12pm GMT

85 min Ruthlessness has been an issue for Spurs but they are learning to stuff teams: they have scored four in three of their last four league games, and 24 in their last eight.

2.11pm GMT

84 min “Mine and your favourite disallowed goal is undoubtedly this one,” says Adam Hirst, “due to the import of it.”

That definitely wins best disallowed goal celebration, too. What a bloody perfect game of football that was. Wish somebody would write a book about that rivalry.

2.10pm GMT

83 min Harry Winks replaces Mousa Dembele for Spurs.

2.10pm GMT

Oh yes yes yes. Harry Kane completes his hat-trick with a goal of spine-tingling brilliance. Kane dummies to shoot 25 yards out and plays a short pass to Alli. He is surrounded by defenders on the edge of the box, so scoops the ball over all of them to allow to Kane to run on and bobble a volley across Foster and into the far corner. He probably mishit the finish but the combination, and especially Alli’s scoop, was magical.

2.06pm GMT

This is a quietly brilliant goal. McAuley dithers by the corner flag and is robbed by the utterly bloody relentless Walker. He looks up and hits a deliberately fierce pass back towards Kane, hit with enough pace to beat Yacob at the near post. It bounces up awkwardly for Kane, who contorts his body like a piece of Playdoh to hit an acrobatic shot into the net from 15 yards. As Alan Smith says on Sky, he made it look far easier than it was. It wasn’t in the same class, but the way he twisted his body was reminiscent of that great Dimitar Berbatov goal for Spurs at Middlesbrough. Walker’s pass was also terrific: not only did he only have Kane to aim for, but he had to really whack the ball to ensure it would not be intercepted by Yacob.

2.03pm GMT

75 min West Brom get a set piece on the halfway line. It’s lumped forward and bounces up for Robson-Kanu, who mishits his shot from 17 yards. That, such as it was, was West Brom’s best chance of the match.

2.01pm GMT

73 min West Brom had a bit of an optimistic spurt at the start of the second half, but aside from those

12 seconds
five minutes the win has looked safe for Spurs. Their only regrets will be the injury to Vertonghen, which looked serious, and that the scoreline does not better reflect a supreme display of teamwork.

1.59pm GMT

72 min If the FA are in a bad mood on Monday, Walker might get a three-match ban for that kick at McAuley. There was nothing in it really, but technically speaking he kicked him off the ball, and the laws of the game don’t encourage that.

1.58pm GMT

71 min What’s the record for saves made in a Premier League game? Foster can’t be too far away from it. He has just made another and this was one of his better saves, a smart plunge to his right to push away Wanyama’s shot.

1.57pm GMT

70 min Walker has a little kick at McAuley off the ball. McAuley complains and is booked.

1.55pm GMT

69 min On the subject of disallowed goals, Mike Greville has suggested Alec Lindsay’s classic from the 1974 FA Cup final.

1.54pm GMT

68 min A vicious rising drive from Dembele, hit from 25 yards with his right foot, goes just over the bar. Foster had it covered and let it go.

1.52pm GMT

66 min “I won’t be convinced by Spurs,” says Ian Copestake, “until they have been through a title run-in without hurdling an imaginary hurdle and ending up on their belly with their thoroughbred legs splayed fore and aft.”

1.51pm GMT

65 min Ben Davies replaces Vertonghen, who is helped down the tunnel. That, sad to say, might even be the end of his season. It would be a serious blow to Tottenham’s title challenge if so.

1.51pm GMT

64 min Olsson is booked for a sliding foul on Kane. He was the last man but in a wide position and hence it was not a clear goalscoring opportunity.

1.50pm GMT

63 min This looks like a nasty injury to Vertonghen. He stretched to keep a ball in play and landed awkwardly on his ankle. That doesn’t look good. He has his fingers to his eyes, pressing them against the top of his nose, and looks in a lot of pain.

1.49pm GMT

62 min Another West Brom change: Chadli off, Hal Robson-Ariehaanu on.

1.48pm GMT

60 min Here’s Hugh Molloy. “If there’s one team that can be totally under the cosh for an entire game, go two goals down, but manage to scrape a draw with a late penalty and well worked set piece, it’s West Brom.”

1.45pm GMT

58 min Foster makes his 471st save of the game, plunging to his left to push away Kane’s low curler. It was a relatively comfortable save for a keeper of his class, but still: Spurs are on it once more.

1.43pm GMT

56 min Walker’s scissor kick is blocked by Olsson and goes behind for a corner on the right. Eriksen plays Anderton to Kane’s Sheringham with a near-post cut-back, but Kane mishits his first-time shot. It comes to Alderweireld, whose shot is well saved by Foster, and then to Alderweireld, whose long-range follow-up is equally well saved.

1.42pm GMT

54 min Alli stretches to control Alderweireld’s long pass and is eased over in the area by Dawson. Spurs wanted a penalty; Anthony Taylor disagreed. I think he made the right decision, though you can see both sides.

1.40pm GMT

54 min A West Brom substitution at left wing-back: Chris Brunt off, James McClean on.

1.40pm GMT

53 min One thing this Spurs team are not is ruthless, and their sluggish start to the second half has been a reminder of that.

1.38pm GMT

52 min “Only Kevin Keegan could have a goal this good disallowed,” says Phil Cowen.

1.38pm GMT

51 min West Brom have been the better team in this half. They’ve switched to a back three, though a half-time hairdryer is the principal reason for their improvement.

1.35pm GMT

49 min Here, have another great disallowed goal.

1.35pm GMT

48 min West Brom have started this half with much more intent, pressing Spurs high up the pitch and especially at goalkicks.

1.33pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Spurs begin the second half. If you are watching on television, you’ll need to be able to move your head to the right for the next 45 minutes. Saying which, that’s a good effort from Matt Phillips, who drives a low shot through the legs of Alderweireld and just wide of the post.

1.31pm GMT

More half-time reading

Related: In defence of the 48-team World Cup

1.23pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat

“It’s men against boys,” says Alex Ritchie, “and the Spurs boys are stuffing them.”

1.18pm GMT

Half-time reading

Related: Diego Costa dropped by Chelsea following row over huge offer from China

1.17pm GMT

That was a masterclass from Spurs, who should have at least doubled their 2-0 lead. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.16pm GMT

45 min For West Brom, this half has been like a visit to the museum - they can look at the ball, but they can’t touch it. I’m not sure they have been particularly bad, in truth. Spurs have just been awesome.

1.14pm GMT

43 min I would bloody love Spurs to win the league. They are young, hungry, likeable and so impressive in almost everything they do.

1.11pm GMT

40 min “Alli’s goal should still qualify for ‘Goal of the Month’ though eh?” says Colin Mackay.

With Mkhitaryan as well, it’s surely time for Offside Goal of the Season. Actually, on that subject, what’s the best disallowed goal you’ve ever seen? This is up there.

1.09pm GMT

39 min Evening Rob,” says Phil Withall. “Just to clarify West Brom are eighth in the “Greatest league in the world”. The gap grows ever wider…”

Ah, didn’t you get the memo? It’s not the GLITW any more. It’s “this league”. AND THERE ARE NO EASY GAMES IN THIS LEAGUE.

1.06pm GMT

36 min Jonny Evans is having a helluva game.

1.06pm GMT

35 min Kane zig-zags away from McAuley before belting a superb low drive from 25 yards that Foster tips onto the post at full stretch. This is unreal. Spurs are creating a chance a minute. It’s no exaggeration to say that Kane alone could already have scored five times.

1.05pm GMT

34 min Kane steers Walker’s low cross towards goal and Foster makes another save, this time with his feet. Spurs could have scored six goals already, and this is against probably the best defence outside the Big Six.

1.02pm GMT

30 min Oh you utter swine of an assistant referee. Dele Alli has had a glorious and unique goal disallowed for offside. He came infield from the left and played the ball to Eriksen, who dinked it back over the top. Alli kept running and deliberately twisted his foot to volley it daintily past Foster with - and I’m not sure which it was - either his ankle or the outside of the foot. He had both feet off the floor as he did so, and all that was missing was a heel-click before he landed. A beautiful moment was ruined when everybody realised the flag was up. It was the correct decision but, morally speaking, was it the right one? Eh?

12.57pm GMT

West Brom are being absolutely battered here. Walker and Rose combine on the right (what was Rose doing there?) before Eriksen’s 20-yard shot takes a double deflection off Olsson and then McAuley before dribbling past the wrongfooted Foster. Sky have given it as a McAuley own goal, but Eriksen’s original shot was on target so I think he should get it. That said, it was going wide off Olsson before it hit McAuley. I can see both sides!

12.56pm GMT

25 min Kane should have made it 2-0. When the corner was partially cleared, Wanyama curled a flat cross into the six-yard box from just outside the area on the right. Kane threw himself towards it and his diving header hit the plunging Foster, who grabbed it at the second attempt.

12.54pm GMT

24 min The backpedalling Kane does well to manufacture a volley from Rose’s very deep cross. It hits Brunt and spins behind for a corner. Spurs, and particularly their jet-heeled wing-backs, are just bloody relentless.

12.54pm GMT

23 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “By my research the last time the Baggies finished a top-flight season with a positive goal difference was in ‘82-’83. They were +4 going into this game. Something to shoot for after the disappointing early FA Cup exit. It would be a massive achievement. I’m not a big Pulis guy and that situation with Palace really does not reflect well on him but the man can manage a football team. I know one of the last things I’d ever want to see was a naked, angry Pulis heading toward me in the shower. That’s the stuff nightmares are made of. As for this game, Spurs are too good. I think we’re toast.”

That positive goal difference might be toast as well by the time this game is over.

12.51pm GMT

21 min Lloris makes a great point-blank save from Rondon, though it wouldn’t have counted: Olsson was rightly given offside earlier in the move.

12.50pm GMT

20 min Dembele backheels to Eriksen, who lifts an inviting deep cross towards Alli, just like he did against Chelsea. This time West Brom do the defensive necessary.

12.49pm GMT

18 min “What colour kit are West Brom playing in?” asks Daniel Friedman. I’d probably describe them as new, fresh colours with a black base and bright cyan detailing. The focal feature of the new design is the tight bright cyan pin stripes on the front of the jersey, a colour scheme which continues into the iconic adidas three stripe branding, collar tipping detail and through into the shorts.

12.47pm GMT

15 min Sometimes, goals don’t change games. This has followed exactly the same pattern as at 0-0. When Spurs play like this, I’m not sure there’s a better team in the country. They have such an impressive controlled purpose to everything they do.

12.42pm GMT

There was an inevitability about this goal. Spurs have been quite brilliant and now they are ahead. Eriksen, found by Wanyama just outside the box, played a short disguised pass to Kane just inside the box. He took a touch and finished emphatically, scooping a shot over Foster and in off the near post. That’s a fine goal.

12.41pm GMT

11 min It’s a while since we’ve said this, but in the next few years England might build their team around Spurs: Rose, Walker, Dier, Alli, Kane, and with some good youth prospects as well.

12.39pm GMT

10 min “Danny Rose is a fine player but he really needs to grow up and stop diving and injury faking,” says Roy Allen. “Surely with his thespian tendencies he should be known as ‘Broadway’?”

Arf, very good. But that one with Chadli wasn’t dive, was it? It looked like he caught him in the eye.

12.38pm GMT

8 min Kane takes Rose’s pass on the run and lashes a rising shot over the bar from 20 yards. Pretty much all the action is taking place in the West Brom half. They haven’t parked the bus; Spurs have parked it for them.

12.37pm GMT

6 min This has been a superb start from Spurs, who look so confident and grooved that they can almost produce excellence on auto-pilot.

12.36pm GMT

4 min Kane almost gives Spurs the lead. Rose put in a fast curling cross from the left towards Kane, who lost McAuley ten yards from goal and stretched to stab an instinctive volley fractionally wide of the far post. That was a brilliant cross from Rose, who has developed into a brilliant wing-back.

12.32pm GMT

2 min Chadli tries to hold Rose off and catches him in the face. Rose goes down, which is fair enough as he was caught, but equally there was no intent or recklessness from Chadli. Play on!

12.31pm GMT

1 min West Brom kick off from left to right. Kane immediately presses the ball and is almost flattened off the ball by Yacob. After two seconds of the match! Yacob, of course, was involved with Dele Alli in this fixture last year.

12.30pm GMT

There’s a minute’s applause for Graham Taylor before the match. Death is an inescapable part of life, especially these days, but that hit harder than most. There have been so many lovely tributes to one of humanity’s better creations; John Murray’s on the BBC might be the best.

12.27pm GMT

In case you missed it, there was a really superb interview with Darren Fletcher in the Mail yesterday. You should read it.

12.03pm GMT

An email

“Janssen not on the bench?” asks Cian O’Mahony.

11.39am GMT

Tottenham Hotspur (3-4-2-1) Lloris; Dier, Alderweireld, Vertonghen; Walker, Wanyama, Dembele, Rose; Eriksen, Dele; Kane.
Substitutes: Vorm, Trippier, Davies, Nkoudou, Sissoko, Winks, Son.

West Brom (4-2-3-1) Foster; Dawson, McAuley, Olsson, Brunt; Fletcher, Yacob; Chadli, Morrison, Phillips; Rondon.
Substitutes: Myhill, Galloway, Leko, McClean, Field, Robson-Kanu, Wilson.

11.39am GMT

Hello. Tottenham Hotspur have misunderstood the phrase “New Year’s resolution”. They haven’t given up booze or fags or foie gras. Instead, with the aid of the fixture computer, they have started 2017 by putting to bed the bad memories of last season’s title challenge. First they exorcised Chelsea by beating them last week; now it’s time for West Brom, whose 1-1 draw at White Hart Lane all but gave the title to Leicester.

Not that it will be easy. West Brom are as hard to break down as an old-school ganglord in a goddamn HBO drama. They have made significant improvements in attack this season, too, and they have a fine recent record against Spurs. But if Spurs win today it will move them to within four points of crisis club Chelsea. After a distracted start to the season, Spurs are back to their admirable best and, at odds of 12/1, look offensively good value to win the league.

10.14am GMT

Rob will be here soon enough. Until then, read David Hytner’s piece on how Dele Alli has discovered a new-found maturity, that’s slowly rubbing off on the Spurs squad:

Dele Alli provided the wrong sort of punch when Tottenham Hotspur last faced West Bromwich Albion at White Hart Lane. In what was a pivotal Premier League encounter, the midfielder aimed an off-the-ball dig at Claudio Yacob, which earned him a retrospective ban for the final three matches of last season. It was a moment of hot-headedness on a night when Tottenham’s title challenge was seriously dented by the 1-1 draw.

On the eve of the rematch in north London, Alli was described by Mauricio Pochettino, the Tottenham manager, as a “killer”. It was for all the right reasons. Alli has brought a spark inside the penalty area in recent weeks and his return of seven goals from four league games has granted him man‑of‑the-moment status. “We’re talking a lot about Dele but it’s fair because he’s showing fantastic performances,” Pochettino said.

Related: Dele Alli sparking Tottenham’s forward momentum prior to West Brom visit

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Golden Goal: José Cardozo for Toluca v América (2003)

Team goals have a highbrow appeal of their own, and few have hit the heights like this euphoric crescendo in the Mexican league

There are multiple ways to score a goal, but none are as highbrow as the team goal. They stimulate the arty fart in every football fan. The main reason for that is that they generally involve lots of clever, elegant passing and movement. (Even though it was the work of three men, nobody called this a team goal.) The other is that – good morning Private Eye, ohayō gozaimasu Pseuds Corner – there is a creative grandeur to the team goal that you don’t find elsewhere. The thrill of the orchestra needs no explanation, and not only because we can’t think of an adequate way to convey it.

That thrill is greatest during the crescendo, which is the essence of any team goal. If you are lucky, the commentator will instinctively supply a vocal surge too – as Gerald Sinstadt did during a hypnotic commentary on

Mick Channon’s
Southampton’s famous goal against Liverpool in 1981-82 that is as near to perfect as dammit. There are so many moving parts to the team goal that it is rare and precious to see them all work in sync. The degree of difficulty and speed involved means that the goal is usually much greater than the sum of those moving parts – especially as it is the result of improv rather than a song sheet or a script.

Related: Golden Goal: Claude Makélélé for Chelsea v Tottenham Hotspur (2006) | Michael Butler

Related: Golden Goal: Esteban Cambiasso for Argentina v Serbia & Montenegro (2006) | Gregg Bakowski

Continue reading...

Football transfer rumours: Danny Rose and Kyle Walker to Manchester United?

Today’s gossip leans precariously on Big Jack

Full-backs are the new sex. Jack Charlton said as much 25 years ago, albeit using slightly different phrasing, and nobody listened to him. Now they are the hipster’s choice of football position – and few are as in vogue, or in demand, as Spurs’ Duracell bunnies Kyle Walker and Danny Rose. According to one of today’s redder rags, José Mourinho is planning a £60m offer for the pair. Even by Levynomics, that would be some mark-up: the pair cost around £5m between them.

Related: Transfer window January 2017: every deal in Europe's top five leagues

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Liverpool 0-0 Plymouth Argyle: FA Cup third round – as it happened

Plymouth did a superb defensive job to hold Liverpool’s youngest-ever side to a goalless draw

Match report: Liverpool 0-0 Plymouth Argyle

4.24pm GMT

Related: Plymouth hold out against Klopp’s young Liverpool to earn FA Cup replay

3.28pm GMT

For Plymouth, a match of never-to-be-forgotten tedium is complete. They defended incessantly and immaculately, restricting Liverpool to maybe one clear chance all match. Plymouth’s fans and players are celebrating like they’ve won the game of life, never mind the FA Cup; when you see these celebrations, you realise the end more than justifies the means. The book says Plymouth drew at Anfield, and it will say that forever. Congratulations to Plymouth. Thanks for your company, bye.

3.26pm GMT

Peep peep!

3.24pm GMT

90+5 min Lucas sizes up a bouncing ball 35 yards from goal and lashes it a few yards wide. McCormick wasn’t worried.

3.23pm GMT

90+4 min It’s dinked in by Alexander-Arnold, flicks off the head of Gomez and hits the unsighted Smith before ricocheting towards his own goal. Thankfully for him, McCormick is sufficiently alert to make a comfortable save.

3.22pm GMT

90+3 min Slew commits a needless foul on Ojo just outside the box on the right. Moreno and Alexander-Armstrong are over it...

3.20pm GMT

90+1 min A replay is not ideal for Liverpool, who already have an extremely busy month. They haven’t played well in the final third.

3.19pm GMT

90 min There will be six minutes of additional ambience.

3.16pm GMT

87 min Lallana fouls Carey 35 yards from goal. Plymouth look more positive than at any stage in the match. Fox wafts the free-kick into the box and Liverpool clear.

3.14pm GMT

86 min “In Germany,” says Tim, “Eurosport have given up and switched to Chelsea v Peterborough...”

This is the future of sport on TV, incentivised exposure. ‘I don’t care if it’s the Champions League final, there hasn’t been a shot on target in the first half, we’re going back to Family Fortunes with Vernon Kay.’

3.14pm GMT

85 min Jervis finds energy from somewhere, marauding down the right wing. He flips the ball one side of Stewart and runs round the other before driving a cross-cum-shot that drifts well wide of the far post. He had only had one man in support, Tanner I think, and the cross was nowhere near him. It was a great run though.

3.11pm GMT

82 min Lallana’s inswinging cross skims off the head of the stooping Origi and goes well wide of the far post. He thought he was fouled by Purrington, but there wasn’t much it in.

3.10pm GMT

81 min Firmino stands a left-wing cross up for Sturridge, whose header loops onto the roof of the net. He was under pressure and couldn’t get a proper run at the ball, so it wasn’t much of a chance.

3.09pm GMT

80 min Ojo’s deliberate curler is easily held by the plunging McCormick. Liverpool have created surprisingly little in this game, especially when you consider they have had 110 per cent of the possession.

3.08pm GMT

78 min Plymouth almost sneak a goal on the break! Carey drove a pass to the halfway line to find the lively Tanner, who zipped away from the dithering Gomez. The last man Stewart came across to make a superb interception, without which Tanner would have had a clear run on goal.

3.05pm GMT

76 min Miller is replaced by Connor Smith. He doesn’t seem too bad as he is stretchered off, though it’s hard to know with these things.

3.04pm GMT

74 min Gary Miller is in a lot of pain after landing awkwardly. He needs oxygen and is going to be stretchered off. While that is happening, Adam Lallana and Roberto Firmino replace Ben Woodburn and Ovie Ejaria. Woodburn didn’t do a lot, but the way in which he did it suggests he has a chance of being a top player, and maybe even a top, top one.

3.00pm GMT

70 min “This match is so dull, I’m reading up on Plymouth’s sponsors--Ginsters of Cornwall,” says Rich McGahey. “Apparently (I’m a Yank) maker of wonderful pasties, and their Cornish pasty has geographically protected status from the EU. Will Brexit mean that world markets will be flooded with inauthentic Cornish pasties?”

Why else do you think I voted Remain?

2.58pm GMT

69 min Sturridge has added considerable menace to the Liverpool attack, and his dangerous through pass just evades the sliding Ojo in front of goal.

2.57pm GMT

68 min “Shall we sing a song for you?” chant the Plymouth fans, apparently oblivious to the fact that they are already doing so.

2.56pm GMT

67 min The substitute Tanner goes on a lovely, fleet-footed run infield from the right, past Gomez and Lucas before his shot from the edge of the area is blocked by the recovering Gomez.

2.54pm GMT

65 min A Plymouth substitution Paul Garita is replaced by Craig Tanner.

2.53pm GMT

64 min And for his first trick, Sturridge sidefoots fractionally wide from 20 yards. I think the keeper had it covered, but it was a decent statement of intent.

2.52pm GMT

63 min Liverpool’s domination has been on the infecund side of sterile, so here comes Daniel Sturridge. He replaces Emre Can.

2.51pm GMT

62 min Moreno’s corner is headed towards goal by Lucas and blocked by Bradley.

2.50pm GMT

61 min Can’s long-range shot takes a double deflection and goes behind for a corner. There’s a delay before it is taken while Garita receives treatment.

2.48pm GMT

59 min Daniel Sturridge is getting his kit off.

2.47pm GMT

57 min Lucas comes forward and hits a fierce long-range shot that is well held by McCormick, high to his right. It was a save you’d expect him to make but he did so very confidently.

2.44pm GMT

55 min A stupid foul from Alexander-Arnold gives Plymouth a shooting chance from 30 yards. Carey bends it nicely over the wall but it’s a comfortable save for Karius. That’s Plymouth’s first shot on target. They have been better since half-time.

2.43pm GMT

54 min The excellent Woodburn dupes Miller on the left and crosses deep to Ojo, who heads well wide under pressure from Purrington. There was a slight appeal for handball but I don’t think there was anything in it.

2.42pm GMT

53 min Liverpool have some big-hitters on the bench and you’d expect to see them soon because they are creating nothing against this excellent and plentiful Plymouth defence.

2.39pm GMT

51 min Slew has Plymouth’s first shot of the match. It almost goes out for a throw-in, but it’s the thought that counts.

2.37pm GMT

48 min Garita breaks down the left and then fouls Stewart. The referee, out of either boredom or sympathy, gives the free-kick to Plymouth. But then Carey wafts a poor cross straight into the loving embrace of the Liverpool keeper Karius.

2.35pm GMT

47 min “In Die Hard the character Argyle spent most of the 90 minutes parked up in his limo before bursting into life just before the end,” says Niall Mullen. “Not sure why I’m thinking about him.”

2.34pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Plymouth kick off, attacking from right to left.

2.34pm GMT

“Eleven years without winning the FA Cup a long time in “Liverpool years’” quotes Sean Kilgannon. “They famously didn’t win it at all until 1965. Yes, I’m a Liverpool fan, so I am, of course, obsessed with history......I’ve even got an MA (Honours) in it.”

If we’re boasting, I’ve got a PhD in

2.29pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat

“I doubt Plymouth would regret parking the bus and losing 2-0,” says Rich Harland. “As a Reading fan I’d have taken that over watching us drive the bus around a bit at Old Trafford and being out of the FA cup after 15 minutes.”

2.23pm GMT

He hasn’t misplaced a single pass, etc.

One Plymouth player (Threlkeld) completed 0 passes in the first half. Two more (Garita & Jervis) completed 1 each.

2.19pm GMT

Half-time reading

Related: Chinese Super League’s spending celebrates materialism and extravagance | Ed Aarons

2.19pm GMT

Let us never speak of that 45 minutes again.

2.18pm GMT

45+2 min Slew wins a free-kick on the left wing, almost by the corner flag. Plymouth have six men in the box ... and Carey’s cross is headed away.

2.17pm GMT

45+1 min Moreno’s chipped cross is headed away to Ejaria, whose adroit volley ricochets around the box before Plymouth clear.

2.16pm GMT

45 min In fairness to Plymouth, they have defended extremely well - so much so that McCormick has only had one real save to make. If they can cross the halfway line in the second half, anything could happen.

2.15pm GMT

44 min If Terrence Malick ever makes a football film, this will be it.

2.13pm GMT

42 min This first half comes to you in association with Brian Eno.

2.12pm GMT

39 min Bloody hell, nothing is happening.

2.09pm GMT

37 min Liverpool have had 86 per cent of the possession, and 255 passes to Plymouth’s 21. Somewhere in the north west, Pep Guardiola’s knees are trembling. When Plymouth do put four passes together, they are accompanied by olés.

2.08pm GMT

36 min For all the attacking they’ve done, Plymouth might as well be playing Carlos Kaiser up front. I shouldn’t be too critical - like Kylie said, you’ve got to put yourself in their place. But if they lose this 2-0, that 293-mile journey home will be accompanied by a few regrets.

2.06pm GMT

33 min Good play from Ojo, who tricks the second left-back Slew to make some room in the box before hitting a low shot that is kicked behind for a corner by Bradley. Miller heads the corner just wide of his own goal.

2.04pm GMT

32 min I sincerely can’t remember the last time Plymouth crossed the halfway line. Ah, the

romance
morbid pragmatism of the cup.

2.03pm GMT

31 min “Rob, you’re up with the latest trends in onanism - are Ian Copestake’s ‘zigzag papers’ a euphemism for art pamphlets/jazz mags/bongo periodicals?” says Mac Millings. “And if so, aren’t Liverpool’s business-types aware that they can get some of that sweet, guilt-ridden action on modern websites? It’s embarrassing, in this day and age, and in this league, that a club of LFC’s standing is furtively asking for gentlemen’s magazines in exchange for a sub-standard player whom they wish to, if you will, toss off.”

I assumed ‘zigzag papers’ was a reference to Zebra Magazine, an e-mag dedicated to the sharing of beautiful black and white, monochrome photography.

2.00pm GMT

28 min Most of Liverpool’s attempts have been from long-range and there’s another, scrunched wide on the half-volley by Stewart.

1.59pm GMT

28 min The game hasn’t just been played in Plymouth’s half; it’s been played in Plymouth’s third. Yet their defending has largely been excellent and McCormick has only really had one significant save to make.

1.58pm GMT

27 min If I were Chris Coleman, I’d give Woodburn a cap as soon as possible. He looks like he has got it.

1.57pm GMT

25 min Woodburn shows Brazilian feet in a phonebox by the six-yard box, which takes him past two defenders, but in the end the space is too tight and he runs the ball out for a goalkick. It was lovely skill for the first part though.

1.53pm GMT

21 min Origi has a goal disallowed for a foul on Miller. It was the right decision.

1.52pm GMT

20 min Plymouth drove 293 miles just to park the bus. You can’t blame them I suppose, but at the moment it’s painfully one-sided.

1.50pm GMT

17 min McCormick makes a good save to deny Woodburn. He was found on the left of the box by Can and dragged the ball confidently away from Songo’o, but McCormick was out smartly to narrow the angle and block Woodburn’s toepoke.

1.49pm GMT

15 min Can’s free-kick is headed away by Bradley, lurking in no man’s land between the wall and the keeper. The loose ball is headed back towards Ojo, who misses a great chance from six yards. He didn’t make proper contact with his header and it went straight into the ground before bouncing up into the hands of McCormick.

1.48pm GMT

14 min Liverpool’s kids are enjoying a training session in front of 50,000 people. Now they have a free-kick just outside the D after Carey hoofs Stewart in the gut. Can and Moreno are debating who should take it...

1.45pm GMT

13 min “Shocking lack of respect by Klopp for this venerable competition,” says Lou Roper. “His selection of Moreno must warrant a fine.”

Honk! Ho-honk!

1.45pm GMT

12 min Stewart breaks into space before dragging a shot well wide from 25 yards. It’s all been very nice from Plymouth so far: no strong challenges, no putting in the fahkin mixer. Liverpool have had 82 per cent of the possession.

1.44pm GMT

10 min “Is this worrying for Liverpool?” says Simon Heseltine. I’m worried. Carmela is worried. Adriana is worried. But Liverpool? I don’t know.

1.42pm GMT

9 min Plymouth’s first decent attack. Carey plays a nice pass -told you - to Slew, whose deep cross is only half cleared by Moreno. Jervis follows up the play on the edge of the area but overruns the ball and is dispossessed.

1.40pm GMT

8 min Carey in midfield looks a fabulous player for Plymouth.

1.39pm GMT

7 min “Plymouth are a very decent side by League Two standards. In particular, Carey in midfield is a fabulous player,” says Dave Adams. “Certainly the most likely to be mentioned at half time by highly paid ‘experts’ who’ve never heard of him.”

1.39pm GMT

6 min Plymouth have started cautiously, with Liverpool commandeering possession as a consequence. Alexander-Arnold’s dangerous cross from the right is headed away well by Bradley.

1.37pm GMT

4 min “And of course Argyle have Dundee United’s 2010 Scottish Cup Final goal scoring hero David Goodwillie on the bench,” says Simon McMahon. “Now the epitome of a journeyman, he was a real prospect at Tannadice, pacy, direct, a good finisher who scored some spectacular goals. The Cup Final one will forever be etched in my memory. Happy days.”

Actually, while you’re here, can you recommend any long articles/books on McLean’s team? I’d love to read more about them, Milne, Roma, the finger and the rest.

1.35pm GMT

3 min Alexander-Arnold surges down the right to win the first corner of the match. Moreno’s inswinger is half cleared to Stewart, whose shot is blocked; and then three-quarters cleared to Ejaria, who shoots wide from 25 yards.

1.34pm GMT

2 min “I still managed a soupçon of excitement seeing Liverpool’s Nextgen team, though in reality it was more a synaptic memory of an enthusiasm born in the days of listening on the radio as reports came of a young tyro called Owen,” says Ian Copestake. “Now I fully expect most of these prospects to go the route of Tiago Ilori and be sold off for a tenner and some zigzag papers.”

1.33pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Liverpool, in red, kick off from right to left. Plymouth are in green.

1.29pm GMT

We hate it when our erstwhile colleagues become successful

My life has been leading to this moment https://t.co/6fLmXwE0Xc

1.29pm GMT

“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “So, a much-changed Liverpool against a confident team going well in their own division, with nothing to lose. As you say, wouldn’t be a total shock. Not like somebody giving up the booze for a whole year.”

One week down, 30931200 seconds of existential desperation to go. (And thank you so much to all who have donated so far.)

1.29pm GMT

A reminder of our youngest-ever line-up! #LIVPLY pic.twitter.com/gZdv6xYfka

1.03pm GMT

Liverpool 368-160 Plymouth That’s the total of the squad numbers in each starting XI, which reflects the changes made by Jurgen Klopp.

1.02pm GMT

An email! “Are you implying that the League Cup has become more important than the FA Cup?” says Joseph Talbot. “Or just that it’s a shorter route to silverware...”

Yeah all I meant was that it’s a shorter route when you are already in the semis. That said, these days I don’t think there’s a huge amount between them in terms of perceived importance. Also, if Liverpool win the League Cup this year they will probably do so by beating Manchester United in the football, which would make it significantly more valuable.

12.47pm GMT

Liverpool (4-3-3) Karius; Alexander-Arnold, Lucas, Gomez, Moreno; Stewart, Can, Ejaria; Ojo, Woodburn, Origi.
Substitutes: Mignolet, Klavan, Clyne, Wijnaldum, Lallana, Firmino, Sturridge.

Plymouth McCormick; Miller, Songo’o, Bradley, Purrington; Threlkeld, Fox; Carey; Jervis, Garita, Slew.
Substitutes: Bulviss, Smith, Goodwillie, Osborne, Rooney, Borel, Tanner.

12.43pm GMT

Hello. It’s inconceivable that a manager as genial as Jurgen Klopp will leave Liverpool without winning trophies, so it’s likely he’ll end at least one of two droughts. We know about the big one, no league title since 1990, but Liverpool have quietly gone 11 years since they last won the FA Cup. That’s a long time in Liverpool years. It’s not their priority this season, at least not yet, but they will aim to stay in the competition for as long as possible while the bigger picture – their chances in the Premier League and the League Cup – becomes clearer.

Plymouth have bigger priorities too. They are second in League Two, aiming to achieve promotion after losing in the play-offs in the last two seasons. But a first ever FA Cup match against Liverpool is a pleasant distraction. Klopp will make a few changes today – he told me on Whatsapp last night – so a shock is not entirely beyond the realms.

11.50am GMT

Rob will be here shortly. In the meantime, here’s Paul MacInnes on the match:

It will not be the most important game in Plymouth Argyle’s history. That was the 3-2 victory over Swansea in April 1953 that sealed fourth place in what is now the Championship, Argyle’s highest league finish. Or perhaps it was in 1973 when Pelé came to Home Park with Santos, and lost. This is not even their most important modern fixture, given that last summer Argyle reached the League Two play-off final. But, still, Liverpool at Anfield in the third round of the FA Cup? You’re not going to forget it, are you?

So how does a Pilgrim approach this big match, the glamour tie, a potential Cup upset? David Fox knows better than most. He played against Liverpool for Norwich City who snatched a Premier League draw back in 2011. Now anchoring Plymouth’s midfield alongside Graham Carey, Fox knows that Anfield can be a different experience altogether. “We played in the early evening under the lights and it was the best atmosphere I’ve experienced,” the 33-year-old says. “When the Kop are singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, well you can see it on the telly but when you’re out there on the pitch … wow.”

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Deta Hedman determined to finally deliver women’s darts world title

Beaten three times in the BDO final at Lakeside in the deciding set, the 57-year-old Royal Mail worker clocks up 14-hour shifts to be able to find time for darts

Deta Hedman knows better than most about the challenges of elite semi-professional sport. Hedman spent this week working her usual 14-hour shifts for Royal Mail, finishing at 4am, so that she could take time off for the BDO World Championship at Lakeside in Frimley Green. In the next week she will do a bit of daylighting as one of the world’s best darts players and an analyst for Channel 4, who are showing the tournament for the first time.

Related: BDO world championship is a faltering relic that’s worth clinging on to | Sean Ingle

Related: Trina Gulliver takes 10th BDO world title with victory over Deta Hedman

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Preston North End 1-2 Arsenal: FA Cup third round – as it happened

Goals from Aaron Ramsey and Olivier Giroud enabled Arsenal to recover from a shambolic first-half performance and reach the fourth round

7.26pm GMT

Welbeck forces a flying save from Maxwell with a fierce 20-yard strike. Moments later the final whistle is blown. Arsenal are through after a bit of a scare. They were shocking in the first half but imposed their superior class in the second and continued Arsene Wenger’s immaculate record in the FA Cup third round: 21 ties, 21 wins. Thanks for your company, night.

Related: Arsenal break Preston hearts as Olivier Giroud scores last-minute winner

7.23pm GMT

90+2 min Arsenal make a double substitution: Maitland-Niles and Lucas Perez are replaced by Rob Holding and Jeff Reine-Adelaide.

7.22pm GMT

90 min There will be four minutes of added time. Preston look spent.

7.21pm GMT

Mustafi drove a high, angled ball towards Giroud just inside the box. He headed the ball down to Lucas, who returned it with a majestic backheel on the run. Browne slid in to challenge and Giroud forced a close-range shot off him and past Maxwell.

7.20pm GMT

Olivier Giroud puts Arsenal into the fourth round!

7.19pm GMT

87 min Preston enjoy a little bit of time in the Arsenal half. Horgan does well to beat Maitland-Niles but then overhits his cross towards the gigantic Makienok.

7.17pm GMT

86 min Iwobi beats a couple of players on the edge of the box but his shot is too close to Maxwell and comfortably held.

7.14pm GMT

83 min Danny Welbeck comes on to make his first appearance on the season, replacing Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Welbeck is one of the nice guys and I’m sure almost everyone will wish him well.

7.12pm GMT

81 min Another Preston substitution: Daryl Horgan, signed from Dundalk, comes on for his debut in place of Daniel Johnson.

7.11pm GMT

80 min Arsenal have another corner, headed clear by Makienok, but Preston are struggling to get out. They have put in an admirable shift and are starting to tire.

7.09pm GMT

77 min Giroud has a goal disallowed for offside. It was an accomplished close-range volley from Lucas’s pass. Giroud wags his finger knowingly and then shakes his head. Replays confirm he was miles offside.

7.06pm GMT

75 min Pearson is booked for tripping Xhaka. Preston then make another substitution, with darts fan Simon Makienok replacing the excellent Jordan Hugill.

Unplayable this guy. What a tournament @MvG180 #WorldDartsChampionship

7.04pm GMT

72 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s outswinging corner from the right is met at the near post by Mustafi, who flicks it smartly towards goal. Maxwell reacts well to push it up in the air and claim at the second attempt.

7.01pm GMT

70 min Gabriel is booked for clattering Hugill, delayed payback for the first-half incident.

7.00pm GMT

69 min Preston are an admirably feisty bunch, led by the midfield irritant Pearson. He is penalised for a foul on the halfway line, which prompts the already irritated Simon Grayson to go into overdrive on the touchline.

6.58pm GMT

66 min Xhaka dinks a free-kick into the area towards Giroud, who is having his shirt pulled by Cunningham. Then Cunningham puts his arms around his neck before heading the ball back to the keeper. Top music producer Mike Dean would have given at least three penalties there; today’s referee Bobby Madley did not.

6.56pm GMT

65 min Cunningham is booked for crunching Lucas. He got the ball; I assume the referee thought he went through Lucas to get to it.

6.55pm GMT

62 min Preston have restored some order to the game, though Arsenal are still having much more of the ball.

6.50pm GMT

59 min The impressive and now injured Gallagher is replaced by Alan Browne.

6.49pm GMT

58 min Xhaka, who has been really poor, gawps at a pass towards him from Monreal and is robbed by Robinson. Nothing comes of it, I just mentioned it to highlight what an absent-minded game Xhaka has had. It’s bullying, really.

6.46pm GMT

54 min Preston must be seriously regretting all those missed chances at 1-0, because there is a sense of inevitability about Arsenal winning this match now.

6.44pm GMT

52 min Pearson fouls Ramsey twice in quick succession and is spoken to by the referee. Ramsey asks for Pearson to be booked, a regrettable habit he picked up from them foreigners.

6.42pm GMT

51 min Preston look a bit shocked by the purpose and basic competence of Arsenal’s start to the second half.

6.40pm GMT

48 min Arsenal have started like a team who were forcefed raw steak throughout half-time. Giroud has a shot blocked, as does Oxlade-Chamberlain a few seconds later.

6.38pm GMT

47 min “Hi Rob,” says Alex Netherton. “Who do you think could be Arsenal’s knight in white satin armour?”

I’m in no mood, Alex.

6.38pm GMT

That didn’t take long. Aaron Ramsey equalises 51 seconds into the second half. It was a superb strike, thrashed into the corner from the edge of the box after a pass from Iwobi.

6.36pm GMT

46 min Arsenal begin the second half, kicking from left to right.

6.36pm GMT

Arsenal’s players are out early for the second half, quite possibly after a rare rollocking from Arsene Wenger.

6.22pm GMT

Half time gum-flapping

“What odds Preston beating the FA Cup record of 26-0 scoreline which they achieved against Hyde in 1887?” says Peter Morrow.

6.20pm GMT

Preston deservedly lead against a sloppy, listless Arsenal. Indeed they should be two or three ahead. Arsene Wenger has never lost in the FA Cup third round; that might be about to change. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

6.18pm GMT

45 min “Discussing past English defenders is really depressing,” says David Acaster. “Jones? Smalling? Stones? Jagielka? Cahill? Pallister and Bruce would walk into the England team and stay there for ten years. But when we get on to Campbell and Ferdinand, then Terry and Ferdinand, I weep.”

Yes, when you look at the mid-2000s England team, jeez. Had Rooney not been injured I think they’d have won Euro 2004 and maybe even the 2006 World Cup.

6.16pm GMT

44 min Hugill jumps for a high ball and catches Gabriel with his arm, drawing a fair bit of blood near the left eye. It wasn’t deliberate, but it was dangerous and Hugill is booked.

6.13pm GMT

41 min “Credit to PNE for a great start but Xhaka and Ramsey are like two hotel doormen inviting Preston to run through them,” says Angus Macaskill. “And when Arsenal do have the ball they’re offering minimal movement and composure.”

I still don’t know what to make of Aaron Ramsey. He’s a question that has no correct answer.

6.12pm GMT

40 min Robinson has a goal disallowed for a foul on Ospina by Huntington. There were no real complaints from Preston.

6.09pm GMT

36 min Monreal clears off the line from Gallagher! He lobbed the ball over Ospina after a double mistake from Mustafi. Moments later, Maxwell makes a comfortable save from Ramsey’s header. Ramsey should have done better. At the other end, I’m not certain Gallagher’s lob was going in but Monreal took no chances.

6.06pm GMT

34 min Iwobi’s cute pass puts Giroud clear on the left side of the box. He tries to chip the outrushing Maxwell but gets too much on it and it drifts wide of the far post. Arsenal have stirred into action after that 15-minute brain nap.

6.05pm GMT

33 min A superb first-time backflick from Giroud puts Ramsey clear in the box. He tries to walk the ball into the net and is eventually challenged. Lucas’s follow-up is blocked by the keeper Maxwell.

6.03pm GMT

33 min “The only basis on which it would be unfair to criticise the Arsenal back four,” says Charles Antaki, “is that every other player has been equally appalling.”

6.03pm GMT

32 min Arsenal are having all kinds of trouble with routine runs down the channels from Hugill and Robinson. Another one of those eventually leads to a long-range shot from Johnson that drifts harmlessly wide.

6.01pm GMT

30 min “You do recall that Howard Wilkinson had the same idea about playing the Arsenal back four/five when he managed England for one game in 1999 - albeit that he didn’t go full Gunner, starting Le Saux with Winterburn on the bench?” says Robert Lowery. “Unfortunately for him the Arsenal centre-forward Anelka had the measure of the defence. Looking back there are a fair few 90s England defenders whose limited recognition seems surprising in retrospect and in the era of the lauding of John Franz Stones and Phil Duncan Jones. Both Arsenal’s full backs, Bould & Keown, even Adams was in and out, Steve Bruce famously...”

Pallister’s England career was a travesty as well. Twenty-two caps!

5.59pm GMT

27 min Arsenal’s performance in the last 10 minutes has verged on satire, and they really need to restore order before this gets messy. McGeady’s deep cross from the left drops over the head of Monreal, and Vermijl slices a volley wide from a tight angle. It was a difficult chance, but a chance nonetheless.

5.56pm GMT

25 min Pearson’s fierce long-range shot bounces awkwardly in front of Ospina, who spoons it behind for a corner. This is a great spell for Preston.

5.55pm GMT

24 min Another great chance for Preston! Robinson breaks into his own postcode on the right-hand side of the box, aided by a pathetic attempt to play offside. He has Hugill waiting in front of an open goal, six yards out, but overhits his square pass and it flashes across the face of goal. Robinson should surely have done better there.

5.54pm GMT

22 min Robinson almost makes it 2-0! Preston haven’t kept the ball but they are very efficient on the counter-attack. Robinson overhit his pass slightly to Hugill, who still managed to dink an excellent return pass towards the far post. Robinson planted a downhead header from six yards and it was blocked by Mustafi a few yards from goal. It hit him on the arm actually, though I’m not sure it was deliberate.

5.53pm GMT

20 min Robinson springs down the left and is erroneously flagged offside. He was at least two yards on. “Wow!” says Steve McManaman on BT Sport. It was a bad decision for sure, but we’ve seen worse.

5.51pm GMT

19 min Preston are struggling to keep the ball, which could make this a long night for them. They look comfortable defensively for the time being though.

5.47pm GMT

15 min Arsenal’s passing has been decent enough so far, though they haven’t been able to get behind a very compact Preston defence. Lucas plays a one-two with Giroud and hits a deflected shot from 20 yards that is comfortably held by Maxwell.

5.45pm GMT

12 min “Hawrite Rob!” says Ryan Dunne. “In other news, it’s all kicking off.”

That’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a very long time. Surely they need to do a jobswap for a day?

5.42pm GMT

10 min Preston are working so hard without the ball, then counter-attacking the moment they win it. All hail the gegenPreston.

5.41pm GMT

The move started with a brilliant Zidane-style roulette from McGeady to beat Ramsey. He then played a sharp angled through pass towards Hugill, who was challenged by Monreal and Gabriel. The ball ricocheted across the box and Robinson was left with a simple finish from six yards.

5.39pm GMT

Preston take the lead!

5.34pm GMT

3 min An early half-chance for Preston. Pearson wins the ball from the dithering Xhaka high up the field and gives it to Robinson, who makes a bit of room in the box before hitting a shot that is blocked by the sliding Gabriel.

5.31pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Preston, in white, kick off from left to right. Arsenal are wearing yellow.

5.29pm GMT

The players on both sides partake in the usual unhygienic handshake routine, and we’re almost ready to start.

5.18pm GMT

Another email! “Do you think Welbeck will ever have the career we once hoped he would?” asks David Acaster. “Clearly not able to score a goal in every two games to make himself a regular No9 at a club like Arsenal, and now entering an Andy Carroll-like twilight world of perpetual unfitness. (Bizarrely he has a decent record for England . . .?)”

I never thought he’d be that good. He’s such an admirable, selfless player with outstanding movement, so he’ll always be good enough for a big squad, but I think that was always going to be his limit. Federico Macheda, on the other hand…

5.17pm GMT

An email! “Wonderful to see some Arsenal defending from the previous century,” says Charles Antaki. “Within three seconds of the clip’s start, Lee Dixon has his arm up confidently for offside; a habit that seems to have utterly died out among the current back line. Mind you, he was wrong.”

That back four though. You do wonder whether England missed a trick by not playing them all together. It would have been a helluva call, to leave out greats like Stuart Pearce and Gary Neville, but at their best that defence pretty much abolished conceding goals.

4.37pm GMT

Preston North End (4-4-2) Maxwell; Vermijl, Clarke, Huntington, Cunningham; Gallagher, Pearson, Johnson, McGeady; Hugill, Robinson.
Substitutes: Lindegaard, Spurr, Browne, Pringle, Horgan, Doyle, Makienok.

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Ospina; Maitland-Niles, Mustafi, Gabriel, Monreal; Ramsey, Xhaka; Lucas, Iwobi, Oxlade-Chamberlain; Giroud.
Substitutes: Martinez, Jenkinson, Holding, Reine-Adelaide, Dasilva, Willock, Welbeck.

4.35pm GMT

Hello. It’s mildly shocking to relate that it’s 18 years since 1999.

Let me try that again: for those who remember the match so vividly, it’s mildly shocking to relate that it’s 18 years since Preston took part in a minor classic against the FA Cup holders Arsenal. Kurt Nogan scored two early goals – quite an achievement against a Back Four who conceded around a goal a month for the second half of the 1998-99 season - before Arsenal came back from 2-0 down to win 4-2 in their third-round match. Steps’ Heartbeat/Tragedy was top of the charts, having knocked Chocolate Salty Balls (PS I Love You) by Chef off its perch. America was six days away from making the acquaintance of Tony Soprano; those in England would have to wait six months.

2.57pm GMT

Rob will be here shortly. In the meantime you can test your knowledge of the world’s oldest cup competition with this quickfire quiz …

Related: Giantkiller or early bath? Test your FA Cup knowledge – quiz

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