Rob Smyth's Blog, page 166

November 6, 2016

Arsenal 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur: Premier League – as it happened

Harry Kane’s penalty cancelled out Kevin Wimmer’s own goal in a cagey North London derby

2.33pm GMT

1.58pm GMT

PS Liverpool will go top if they beat Watford this afternoon. You can follow that match right here, right now.

1.57pm GMT

Peep peep! That’s a fair result at the end of a good game. Both Arsenal and Spurs extend their different unbeaten runs – Arsenal in all competitions since August, Spurs in the Premier League this season. Both sides will have misplaced grievances about the goals they conceded - Kevin Wimmer’s own goal and Harry Kane’s penalty. Thanks for your company; bye!

1.54pm GMT

90+2 min Rose’s cross finds Janssen on the penalty spot, but he shins a miserable volley back across the area. That was a decent chance as well.

1.53pm GMT

90+1 min There will be five minutes of added time.

1.52pm GMT

90 min Sanchez’s clipped cross from the left is headed straight at Lloris by Giroud on the penalty spot. That was a decent chance, although the lack of pace on the cross was not in his favour. There would have been controversy had it gone in because Wimmer ended up on the floor at Giroud’s feet.

1.51pm GMT

89 min Son is replaced by Harry Winks.

1.51pm GMT

88 min Bellerin throws the ball back to Cech, who slips 20 yards outside his own area. It looks like Son will get to the ball first, but then he bottles a 50/50 with Cech, jumping over the top of him. That was bizarre.

1.48pm GMT

86 min A crucial defensive header from the stretching Vertonghen at the far post denies Giroud a clear headed chance from Sanchez’s inswinging cross. Sanchez has been terrific today.

1.46pm GMT

84 min That break in play has helped Spurs, who have had more of the ball in the last few minutes. And now Eriksen’s free-kick has hit the post! It was a big inswinger from the left wing that went past the head of Dier, beyond Cech and bounced onto the inside of the far post. Dier might feel he should have scored as well.

1.42pm GMT

81 min “I didn’t think that journalists actually supported any team,” says Niall Mullen. “I assumed they all just HATED MY TEAM.”

1.41pm GMT

80 min Kyle Walker is limping off the field, to be replaced by Kieran Trippier.

1.41pm GMT

79 min “A-ha!” says James Hupp. “You’ve fallen into the trap and revealed yourself. Your belief that both of these teams are likable is clear evidence that you are really a fan of [the team I dislike in this rivalry].”

1.40pm GMT

78 min Spurs can’t get out, although Ramsey generously gives them some respite by smashing well wide from 25 yards.

1.39pm GMT

75 min “How many fouls does Wanyama have to make to get a yellow?” says Angus Macaskill. “Happens every game...” Yes, he was lucky not to be booked for flattening someone in the build-up to that Bellerin chance.

1.37pm GMT

74 min Oxlade-Chamberlain finds the underlapping Bellerin, whose shot is blocked by Dier and then ricochets off another Spurs defender to safety. Arsenal look much the likelier winners at the moment.

1.36pm GMT

73 min Arsenal are starting to put pressure on Spurs. Dier fouls Sanchez, runs away with the ball in his hands and is booked for a timewasting/dissent hybrid.

1.35pm GMT

73 min Janssen replaces the weary Kane.

1.34pm GMT

72 min Sanchez’s brilliant angled through ball from the left slithers through the sliding Dier and finds Ozil, just outside the six-yard box to the left. Lloris is quickly off his line and blocks Ozil’s shot. That was superb keeping. The resulting corner comes to Ramsey, who wafts it not far over the bar from long range.

1.33pm GMT

71 min Arsenal have moved Sanchez to the left-wing with Ozil behind Giroud and Oxlade-Chamberlain on the right.

1.32pm GMT

70 min Arsenal make their final substitutions: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Olivier Giroud replace Alex Iwobi and Theo Walcott.

1.31pm GMT

69 min Tottenham break three on three, and Koscielny is booked for a foul on Kane 35 yards from goal. He actually got the ball but Mark Clattenburg said he went through Kane. I think Koscielny is a bit unlucky there. Kane looks utterly shattered, not surprisingly, and Vincent Janssen is getting ready.

1.30pm GMT

68 min “Re that chap’s email on your ‘obvious Spurs bias’, can I say that I think of all you MBMers as somewhat like the judiciary - above petty personal prejudices and intent on reporting ‘as seen’,” says Ian Stewart. “I hope the Guardian provides you with the suitable clothing and that you don’t soon find yourselves on the front page of the Daily Mail.”

Thing is, I’m sure we are unconsciously biased at times. But I couldn’t give two hoots about who wins this game – both sides and both managers are extremely likeable, and I’ll tell ya, honestly, I would love it if either of them won the league.

1.28pm GMT

66 min It’s a little bit ragged all of a sudden, with the game lurching from end to end. Both teams could use a timeout, and an injury to Danny Rose has given them one.

1.26pm GMT

65 min A positive substitution from Arsene Wenger: Coquelin off, Aaron Ramsey on.

1.24pm GMT

63 min After a somnolent start, this has developed into an excellent game.

1.24pm GMT

61 min And now a chance for Arsenal! A short corner on the left is played back to Iwobi, whose superb inswinging cross just evades the head of Xhaka, who was unmarked in front of goal after a brilliant late run.

1.23pm GMT

60 min Another chance for Spurs! Son plays it down the left to Rose, who fizzes a thigh-high cross towards Kane at the far post. His sidefooted volley hit Monreal and came back off Kane before going behind for a goalkick. It looked like a goal-saving interception from Monreal, though replays suggested Kane had mishit his volley back across goal. Either way, it was a good chance.

1.19pm GMT

58 min That was Kane’s fifth goal in four Premier League matches against Arsenal.

1.18pm GMT

56 min The needless manner of Spurs’ equaliser has unsettled Arsenal. But they have a corner after a vital header over his own bar by Wimmer.

1.17pm GMT

55 min Cech makes an excellent save to deny Eriksen! Mustafi’s desperate defensive header fell for Eriksen, who drilled the ball low towards toe corner from 12 yards with his left foot. Cech got down smartly to his right to push it wide.

1.14pm GMT

The penalty came from a long, winding run by Dembele, who was elegantly shielding the ball with his left foot. Koscielny stuck a leg out just inside the box and definitely tripped Dembele. It was a really stupid piece of defending and, as Howard Webb says on BT Sport, a soft but undeniable penalty.

1.13pm GMT

Kane clips the penalty straight down the middle.

1.12pm GMT

This looks controversial as well. Dembele falls over just inside the box after a tackle from Koscielny, and Mark Clattenburg gives a penalty. Replays suggest it was a good decision.

1.11pm GMT

49 min A great run from Son, who scoots down the right and nutmegs Koscielny on the edge of the box. But in doing so he overruns the ball and that allows Bellerin to slide across and make a crucial interception.

1.09pm GMT

48 min “There was an ugly moment on the commentary when Graeme Le Saux used a sentence with the word ‘discern’ in it - then a moment later had to say ‘I don’t know what discern means, by the way’,” says Charles Antaki. “Cue awkward tittering, and a joke about the Guardian. The poor guy feel he still has to deal with the stereotypes of the the 1990s, 25 years later. (Actually I originally mistyped that as 1900s, and perhaps I should have let it stand).”

It’s just banter.

1.08pm GMT

47 min “I know what you’re getting at in the 44th minute, Rob, though the self-satisfied snigger McManaman gave following that comment did make my skin crawl slightly,” says Matt Loten. “I think the vast majority of us miss the genuine physical battles of yesteryear, but I’d prefer it took the form of ‘give no quarter, ask no quarter,’ rather than Stevie Mac jumping out of his chair and shouting ‘BOTTLE HIM’ over a theatrical tumble.”

Yes, that’s a fair point. If you say you like physical football, people think you’re Danny Dyer.

1.07pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Spurs begin the second half, kicking from left to right.

1.06pm GMT

Fan mail “I just want to thank you for labouring through 45 minutes of updates,” writes James Brown. “Since you are clearly a Spurs fan, I can imagine this is very difficult for you, and I wish you the best of luck on the last 45 minutes. Just remember, this too will end.”

There are no words that can adequately convey the stunningly tedious, ignorant and childish nature of emails like this. What do you think it’s going to achieve? That I’ll spend the second half rooting for the Gunners? That I’ll out myself as a Spurs fan? That we’ll meet up and have sex? Honestly, nobody cares about your petty whinging or your attempt at wit. I wish you the worst of luck for the next 45 minutes and, purely because of your email, I now hope Spurs win 8-1.

1.02pm GMT

On BT Sport, Howard Webb says the Arsenal goal was the correct decision. In short, the law’s an ass, not the referee. Sanchez was offside behind Wimmer, and his presence was probably the reason Wimmer headed the ball. But because Sanchez did not make a direct move towards the ball, he’s not offside according to the laws of the game.

12.59pm GMT

Half-time reading

12.53pm GMT

Spurs started excellently with their new back three, but Arsenal woke up at 12.30pm and were superb for the last 15 minutes. The manner of the goal, a Kevin Wimmer own goal that should have been disallowed, was fortunate, but overall they deserve their lead. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

12.51pm GMT

45+3 min Mustafi is back on, clutching a tissue. There’s a bit of blood coming out of his nose but he should be fine.

12.50pm GMT

45+2 min There’s a nasty clash between Coquelin and Mustafi on the halfway line. Mustafi looks groggy and is receiving treatment.

12.48pm GMT

44 min It’s kicked off at the Emirates. Vertonghen accused Walcott of diving, and a load of Arsenal players charged towards him. “It’s nice to see,” says Steve McManaman, speaking for the silent majority who preferred football before it was emasculated.

12.46pm GMT

Arsenal’s pressure has told. Ozil’s inswinging free-kick is headed down into the corner of his own net by Kevin Wimmer. He was stretching towards his own goal, and had to do something with two Arsenal players behind him - but those two players were offside, so Spurs will feel pretty aggrieved.

12.44pm GMT

42 min At the precise moment you read this, somebody, somewhere is stroking their chin and opining that Spurs need half-time.

12.43pm GMT

41 min After a sluggish start, Arsenal have been much the better side in the last 10 minutes.

12.42pm GMT

39 min Walcott hits the post! The superb Sanchez played a good square pass on the halfway line to Xhaka, who played an even better angled pass to usher Walcott towards goal. He took a touch and then, as the ball bounced up on the edge of the box, launched a vicious shot that clattered off the inside of the near post with Lloris beaten. The rebound came to Ozil, who couldn’t control the bouncing ball with his right foot and fired over.

12.40pm GMT

38 min At the precise moment you read this, somebody, somewhere is stroking their chin and opining that this game needs a goal.

12.38pm GMT

36 min Eriksen seems to be fouled on the edge of the D by Monreal. Mark Clattenburg gives Spurs oogatz.

12.37pm GMT

34 min Another dangerous Arsenal break. Iwobi eases the ball down the inside left to Walcott, whose cutback is put behind for a corner by Dier.

12.35pm GMT

33 min “I’m not saying we’re not playing well, but this game oddly hasn’t exactly exploded into life yet,” says Guy Hornsby. “You’d have expected the Gooners to be on the front foot but they’ve not really had a decent sniff yet. Having said that, I’m still absolutely bricking it.”

12.35pm GMT

32 min Walker is back on. Rose’s low cross just evades Eriksen at the near post. Arsenal break and Iwobi misses a great chance. It was a zig-zagging move, with two superb passes from Ozil and then Sanchez. He teed up Iwobi, who sidefooted tamely and too close to Lloris from 12 yards.

12.34pm GMT

31 min Sanchez comes infield from the left and picks out another excellent square pass to find Ozil in the D. As the ball bounces up he tries to sidefoot it into the far corner, but doesn’t connect properly and drags it wide.

12.32pm GMT

31 min Kyle Walker is leaving the field for treatment. This doesn’t look great for Spurs.

12.31pm GMT

30 min Sanchez hoofs high over the bar from 20 yards. We still haven’t seen a shot on target.

12.31pm GMT

29 min Arsenal can’t get near Eriksen. Ozil, by contrast, has been pretty quiet.

12.29pm GMT

27 min Sanchez, just outside the box on the left, clips a beautiful square pass to Coquelin, who runs onto the ball and hammers a volley that hits his teammate Walcott. I think it was going wide anyway.

12.28pm GMT

27 min “Here at the Spurs supporters club in Bangkok the crowd is mild,” says Jeremy Dresner. “‘Terse Tenacious and Tactical’ if I’m searching for the timely triplicate tautology here.”

Tautology?

12.27pm GMT

25 min Eriksen, on the right wing, curls another excellent pass towards Son on the edge of the area. Mustafi does well to stretch and intercept; otherwise Son would have been through.

12.25pm GMT

23 min Wanyama, 25 yards out, does a Jonny Wilkinson.

12.25pm GMT

22 min “Sod high pressing!” writes Nick Parmenter. “Three at the back is the new trend for six months!!”

Yep, three at the back is so damn hot right now. It’s all part of the 1996 nostalgiafest.

12.24pm GMT

21 min A chance for Spurs. Eriksen on the right curls a fast cross towards Kane, whose stooping header from 12 yards flashes fractionally wide of the far post. Eriksen has been the most dangerous attacker on the pitch so far.

12.21pm GMT

18 min The last man Mustafi, under pressure from Eriksen, mishits his attempted clearance and Cech slides out to collect the ball. It wasn’t a backpass. Spurs continue to look far more confident than Arsenal.

12.18pm GMT

16 min Nothing much is happening. Arsenal look surprisingly nervous for a side who have been in such great form.

12.15pm GMT

12 min Arsenal are coming into the game now, with Sanchez looking sharp. But Tottenham will be the happier side.

12.11pm GMT

9 min Iwobi gives the ball to Eriksen, who plays a wonderful curling through ball from deep inside his own half. Son gets behind the defence but Cech runs a long way out of his box to clear.

12.10pm GMT

8 min Spurs have been excellent so far, both with and without the ball.

12.08pm GMT

6 min Wimmer is late on Coquelin, who rolls round pathetically and thus ensures a yellow card. It was probably the right decision as it was very late, but Coquelin’s reaction was ridiculous.

12.07pm GMT

4 min It’s a really brave decision from Pochettino, because if they lose, no matter how they lose, the change of system will be blamed. They have started superbly. Son dummies Mustafi inside his own half and runs all the way into the area before hitting a low cross that flashes across the face of goal. Kane was free at the far post but he couldn’t find him.

12.05pm GMT

3 min The Spurs wing-backs demonstrate the positive side of their new system. Rose gets down the left and crosses beyond the far post, where Walker gets above Monreal and heads over the bar. He was off balance so it wasn’t an easy chance.

12.03pm GMT

2 min “Use Microsoft Movie Maker,” says Brian Corcoran. “It’s free and easy. Can you mention my colleague Juha Aalto who loves Spurs!”

This one goes out to Juha Aalto, who loves Spurs.

12.02pm GMT

1 min Arsenal kick off from left to right. They are in red; Spurs are in white. It looks like Spurs are indeed playing a back three.

12.02pm GMT

Football has recently discovered Remembrance Day, and the pre-match tribute was immaculately observed by both sets of fans.

12.00pm GMT

Some exceptional pre-match pessimism from Lars Bøgegaard

“It’s been a long time since I have dreaded a North London Derby as much as this. We Spurs fans can only hope for a miracle - or for Harry Kane and Hugo Lloris.”

11.56am GMT

The players are in the tunnel, both wearing their gamefaces. There’s a significant amount of designer stubble on those gamefaces.

11.50am GMT

Help me out, part two in an exciting new series

Does anyone know a professional lipreader?

11.49am GMT

Help me out, part one in an exciting new series

Does anyone know of any good free/cheap video-editing software? It doesn’t need to be sophisticated, just idiot-friendly.

11.48am GMT

Tacticsgate There are some suggestions that talk of Spurs playing three at the back is a smokescreen. The alternative line-up would be the usual 4-2-3-1: Lloris; Walker, Wimmer, Vertonghen, Rose; Dier, Wanyama; Son, Dembele, Eriksen; Kane. They could also play a tighter 4-3-3 with Dembele pulled back alongside Dier and Wanyama.

There’s something about pre-match tactics talk that is thrilling.

11.44am GMT

“Is it just me,” begins James Bent, “or does Harry Kane look like a grown-up version of that kid from The Sixth Sense?”

Have you seen the grown-up version of that kid from The Sixth Sense?

11.21am GMT

Pre-match reading

11.07am GMT

Harry Kane starts but Dele Alli was injured in training yesterday. Rob Smyth Understands™ that Spurs are playing a back three.

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Cech; Bellerin, Mustafi, Koscielny, Monreal; Coquelin, Xhaka; Walcott, Ozil, Iwobi; Sanchez.
Substitutes: Ospina, Gibbs, Gabriel, Ramsey, Elneny, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Giroud.

12.45pm GMT

Choose football. Choose the North London derby. Choose Wetherspoons, a plate of moreish grease and four pints by 11am. Choose banter, selfies and half-and-half scarves. Choose peer pressure, liver damage and insidious self-loathing. Choose forgetting to CHARGE YOUR EFFING PHONE OVERNIGHT. Choose Spurs being in crisis even though they’re unbeaten in the league. Choose lazy preambles. Choose calling the kick-off time high noon rather than midday. Choose 90 minutes of misery and need. Choose Harry Kane, Harry Winks and Harry Kiri. Choose the new Dennis Bergkamp. Choose Ian Allinson, Ray Kennedy and getting your suit MEASURED. Choose NLD, COYS and #YaGunnersYa. Choose the North London derby. Choose football.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 06, 2016 05:58

November 5, 2016

Bournemouth 1-2 Sunderland, FA Cup first round and more: clockwatch – as it happened

Sunderland won their first Premier League match of the season while there was late drama at Manchester City and Burnley

5.21pm GMT

5.19pm GMT

5.15pm GMT

5.12pm GMT

5.01pm GMT

That’s about it for today’s Clockwatch. There was late drama in the Premier League, but not so much in the FA Cup. Chelsea play Everton in the late game, which you can follow with Niall McVeigh. Bye!

4.59pm GMT

Full time: West Ham 1-1 Stoke City

4.57pm GMT

That’s a third consecutive 1-1 draw at home in the Premier League for City.

4.56pm GMT

FA Cup Macclesfield have won 1-0 Walsall, the shock of the round so far. And Sutton now lead 6-3 at Dartford.

4.55pm GMT

MK Dons have held off Spennymoor Town’s comeback, winning 3-2 in their FA Cup tie.

4.54pm GMT

Another brilliant home win for Burnley, who move into the top half of the table.

4.53pm GMT

Andros Townsend has hit the post for Crystal Palace, who trail 3-2 at Burnley.

4.53pm GMT

It’s all over at Dean Court: Sunderland have won their first match of the season! Victor Anichebe looks utterly shattered; he’s had a stormer. That 947-mile trip home will be very, very sweet for Sunderland’s fans tonight.

4.52pm GMT

Now that’s what I call late drama.

4.51pm GMT

Leeds have gone back in front at Carrow Road! Ronaldo Vieira has slammed in from range to make it 3-2.

4.49pm GMT

Championship news Kyle Lafferty has made it Norwich 2-2 Leeds. It’s now Nottingham Forest 1-1 QPR, Sheffield Wednesday 1-2 Ipswich and I can’t keep up with all this.

4.47pm GMT

“In Spain: Carlos Vela has tumbled over in the box - penalty - William Jose scores; Real Sociedad 2 up against Atlético,” reports Charles Antaki. “Simeone has on a very unhappy expression.”

4.46pm GMT

Braintree are the big winners of the FA Cup first round: they have tonked Eastbourne Borough 7-0

4.45pm GMT

Jordan Pickford has made an “unbelievable Jeff save”, to use Paul Merson’s description, from Josh King to keep Sunderland ahead at Bournemouth.

4.45pm GMT

Spennymoor Town, who were 3-0 down and facing a doing after 15 minutes at MK Dons, have pulled it back to 3-2.

4.43pm GMT

Romance is over department Curzon Ashton have equalised against Westfields, the lowest-ranked side still in the FA Cup.

internet problems

4.41pm GMT

Crystal Palace came from 2-0 to win at Sunderland earlier in the season, and they are the likeliest winners at Turf Moor after a storming comeback.

4.40pm GMT

Just to lighten the mood at West Ham, Joe Allen should pay homage to this.

4.38pm GMT

Bad news for the Old Bill: Stoke have equalised at the London Stadium after a mistake from the West Ham keeper Adrian.

4.37pm GMT

I may or may not have completely forgotten about the La Liga match we promised to cover, but the score is Real Sociedad 1-0 Atletico Madrid.

4.36pm GMT

Goals galore at the top of the Championship: Leeds lead Norwich 2-1, Birmingham have equalised at Huddersfield, and Cardiff have pulled one back at Newcastle. The score there is 2-1.

4.35pm GMT

When we write the Joy of Six: FA Cup first-round matches, this one might be in the list: Roarie Deacon’s goal means it’s now Dartford 3-5 Sutton.

4.33pm GMT

Third-placed Huddersfield have taken the lead against Birmingham. Elias Kachunga scored the goal. A win would put them level on points with second-placed Brighton, who play later.

4.31pm GMT

Sunderland may be about to win their first Premier League match of the season. Victor Anichebe was brought down by Adam Smith, and Jermain Defoe rammed the penalty straight down the middle.

4.30pm GMT

Jonathan Kodjia’s second goal has given Villa the lead against Blackburn.

4.28pm GMT

Michail Antonio scores yet another goal with his noggin to give West Ham the lead against in-form Joe Allen.

4.24pm GMT

Bournemouth are battering 10-man Sunderland, though it remains 1-1.

4.23pm GMT

Celtic remain on course to clinch the title by Christmas: Leigh Griffiths has put them 2-0 up against Inverness Caley.

4.22pm GMT

“It’s being reported up here that Motherwell were denied a first-half goal at Dens that was at least a yard over the line,” says Simon McMahon, up there in Scotland. “They currently trail 1-0. It’s ok, though. The SPFL are apparently thinking of introducing goal line technology in time for the start of the 2099-2100 season.”

To be fair, it’s not like it’s ever happened before.

4.21pm GMT

Yann Kermogant’s penalty has put Reading 3-0 up at Wigan, and Sutton lead 4-3 at Dartford in the FA Cup.

4.20pm GMT

The latest Premier League scores

Bournemouth 1-1 Sunderland

4.20pm GMT

Junior Stanislas has hit the post for Bournemouth against Sunderland, and Middlesbrough are giving Manchester City some unexpected problems at the Etihad.

4.19pm GMT

The substitute Connor Wickham scores with his first touch to bring Palace back into the game.

4.18pm GMT

Leeds have equalised against Norwich at Carrow Road, and it’s Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn.

4.17pm GMT

Sunderland are down to 10 men at Bournemouth. Steven Pienaar has been given a second yellow card for this or that. That’s a blow to Sunderland, who had been playing very well and will now probably lose 4-1.

4.10pm GMT

Gareth Evans does Matt Loten a solid, equalising for Portsmouth at home to Wycombe.

4.09pm GMT

Alvaro Negredo has almost scored from the halfway line against his old club Manchester City. You can read all about it here.

4.07pm GMT

And it’s Celtic 1-0 Inverness CT (Sinclair)

4.03pm GMT

“East Kilbride watch out,” says Simon McMahon. “Dundee United on course for their fourth win on the trot as they lead Queen of the South 2-1 at half time. Elsewhere it’s Ayr 0 Hibs 1, Berwick 1 Cowdenbeath 0 and East Kilbride 1 BSC Glasgow 0.”

4.02pm GMT

“As research into the plight of Koreans resident in Japan in the postwar period is currently demanding all of my attention, and preventing my usual Saturday afternoon ritual of consuming every football result under the sun, I would very much appreciate it if you could keep excitement in today’s matches to a minimum,” write Matt Loten. “As well as, if possible, deliver some good news about my beloved Portsmouth on FA Cup First Round day. Ta!”

Erm, they’re 1-0 down at home to Wycombe. But they won it in 2008!

4.01pm GMT

“Shawcross seems such a great defender,” writes Phil Podolsky. “I wonder if the fact he hasn’t been poached by a Champions League club has something to do with that Ramsey thing clouding his reputation or are his attributes an anachronism at the highest level.”

The Ramsey thing is definitely a factor. He’s certainly good enough for Manchester United, and maybe one of the Champions League clubs.

3.52pm GMT

Half-time reading

3.51pm GMT

Clockwatch shockwatch

Some notable FA Cup scores:

3.48pm GMT

These are the half-time scores in the Premier League

Bournemouth 1-1 Sunderland

3.47pm GMT

Newcastle have doubled their lead at home to Cardiff. Yoan Gouffran is the man troubling the scorers.

3.47pm GMT

Inevitability latest: Manchester City have taken the lead at the Etihad.

3.46pm GMT

In the FA Cup, Shaquile Coulthirst has given Peterborough the lead at home to Chesham United and reaffirmed that the days of footballers having names like Reg Ryan and Les Smith are long gone.

3.43pm GMT

“Hi Rob, thoroughly enjoying a relaxing Saturday afternoon after seeing the mighty Rams win at lunchtime,” says Rich Oldbury. “Did you see Darren Bent’s goal? Cracker.”

I have now. Bloody hell, that’s a storming goal.

3.39pm GMT

It’s still 0-0 at the Etihad Stadium, but Middlesbrough are being made to eat more and more dirt. Victor Valdes has just made a fine save from David Silva.

3.36pm GMT

Victor Anichebe continues the Everton 2009 theme at the Vitality Stadium, equalising for Sunderland after Dan Gosling’s earlier goal. It was a fierce finish and a deserved equaliser, it says here.

3.30pm GMT

Talking of Gillingham in the FA Cup...

3.29pm GMT

Scratch that: Frank Nouble has scored for Gillingham, who thus trail 2-1.

3.28pm GMT

This could be the shock of the day: Brackley Town now lead 2-0 at Gillingham, with James Armson getting the second. Peter Crouch will be happy.

3.27pm GMT

“In the Austrian Bundesliga, Sturm Graz are trailing St. Pölten 1:2 at home in the Merkur Arena, formerly known as Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadion,” says Peter Oh. I miss Sturm Graz.

3.26pm GMT

Norwich have taken the lead against the run of play against Leeds, with Robbie Brady the scorer.

3.25pm GMT

The game of the FA Cup first round is at Princes Park: after 23 minutes, it’s Dartford 2-3 Sutton.

3.25pm GMT

The latest Premier League scores

Bournemouth 1-0 Sunderland

3.23pm GMT

Middlesbrough are doing well at the Etihad, where it remains 0-0. You can follow that match here.

3.22pm GMT

Itchy bowel time > Squeaky bum time

Blackburn and Glover pass to eachother, giving fans temporary itchy bowels in the process. The nerves!

3.21pm GMT

Spennymoor Town have got one back at Stadium MK, so it’s now 3-1.

3.21pm GMT

“Re: Kevin Porter’s question,” begins Dave Hill. “As a Leeds United supporter living in Southern California, this happens all the time. Either start on the drinks, or make a list of teams you really don’t want to win and start supporting the teams playing them.”

NB: The Guardian does not not condone drinking industrial quantities of Defeat Eraser on a Saturday afternoon.

3.17pm GMT

Romance is back: Brackley Town lead at Gillingham. But Spennymoor Town are taking one hell of a beating at MK Dons. They trail 3-0 after 14 minutes.

3.16pm GMT

After Tom Heaton’s latest great save, Burnley break and double their lead through Johann Gudmundsson.

3.15pm GMT

“Anyone got any tips for how to enjoy the rest of your footballing weekend when your team has already lost at home before three o’clock Saturday has even arrived?” asks Wolves fan Kevin Porter.

I can answer this one: follow the Westfields FC Twitter feed.

3.13pm GMT

Throw a piece of bacon at your Mum, it's a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! pic.twitter.com/nbG3fgRHxh

Curzon were breaking in, defence pokey poke it away. Corner to the away siode.

3.12pm GMT

In a surprising development, Sunderland AFC are losing a football match. Dan Gosling, who used to play for David Moyes at Everton, chests Bournemouth ahead at the end of an excellent move. Quite why Eddie Howe isn’t nailed on to be England manager for the next decade, I don’t know.

3.11pm GMT

Romance is dead: MK Dons lead Spennymoor Town through Ben Reeves.

3.10pm GMT

Romance is in the air: Westfields, the lowest-ranked side left in the FA Cup, lead Curzon Ashton through a Craig Jones penalty.

3.10pm GMT

Choose football .

3.08pm GMT

Apropos nothing, just look at this pass.

3.07pm GMT

Crikey, it’s already Wigan 0-2 Reading, with both goals coming from Garath McCleary. Jaap Stam is doing a fine job there.

3.04pm GMT

Some early goals at the top of the Championship: Garath McLeary has given Reading the lead at Wigan, and Newcastle are 1-0 up at home to Cardiff thanks to Christian Atsu.

3.03pm GMT

Sam Vokes, of Euro 2016 fame, gives Burnley an early lead at Turf Moor. Jeff Stelling informs me that the last time Burnley scored the first goal and lost was in January 2015 - against Crystal Palace.

2.57pm GMT

The early games Derby won 3-2 at Wolves in the Championship, and Merstham were defiled 5-0 by Oxford in the FA Cup.

2.47pm GMT

In other news, have you seen this story about a man stealing a poppy charity box from McDonald’s? You do have to wonder what the world is coming to when even common criminals can’t go about their business without being internet shamed.

2.47pm GMT

If you want some old-fashioned MBM action, Tim Hill is watching Manchester City v Middlesbrough on your behalf.

2.45pm GMT

“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “After reading that 1983-84 FA Cup first round blog, I’ve developed a sudden urge to dance to electro-pop like a robot. Care to join me? Anyway, Scotland’s game of the day is Queen of the South v Dundee United. Nuff said. And if you’re looking for romance, how about the Fife derby at Dunfermline where Raith Rovers are the visitors, or Berwick v Cowdenbeath and Montrose v Edinburgh City in Scottish League Two.”

Don’t forget East Kilbride v BSC Glasgow.

2.21pm GMT

“Fear not, Rob – I read that far down,” says Jonathon Moloney. “I even clicked on your St. Polten link. I am on a train and therefore a captive audience, but still.”

We’re all winners here.

2.15pm GMT

An email! “I’m not sure if this is of any interest to you,” says Steven Pye, knowing full well I crave old blogs about the first round of the 1983/84 FA Cup, “but here is an old blog of mine on the 1983/84 FA Cup first round.”

2.12pm GMT

Bournemouth (4-2-3-1) Boruc; Smith, Cook, Francis, Daniels; Gosling, Arter; Stanislas, Wilshere, Ibe; King.

11.10am GMT

Hello and welcome to live, unexclusive coverage of today’s bumper football programme. We’ll be watching the clock and clocking the watch so that we can

log off the moment our shift ends and not a second later
keep abreast of today’s action.

I say ‘we’; it’s actually just me, myself and my nervous breakdown as I try to keep abreast of over 40 matches in the Premier League, Championship, FA Cup, Scottish Premiership and La Liga. You can also follow live coverage of SK Puntigamer Sturm Graz v SKN St. Polten in the Austrian T-Mobile Bundesliga by clicking here.

10.14pm GMT

Premier League

Bournemouth v Sunderland

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 05, 2016 10:01

October 30, 2016

Southampton 0-2 Chelsea: Premier League – as it happened

Eden Hazard and Diego Costa scored excellent goals as Chelsea maintained their superb form with an immaculate away performance

6.08pm GMT

Here’s Dominic Fifield’s match report:

5.50pm GMT

That was an extremely impressive performance from Chelsea, perhaps their best of the season. Their defence didn’t give Southampton a sniff, and Eden Hazard and Diego Costa were full of menace on the break. Since moving to a back three they have won four league games in a row by a combined score of 11-0. They are less adventurous than the three sides above them but they look dangerous and durable. Thanks for your company, night.

5.45pm GMT

89 min Diego Costa is replaced by Michy Batshuayi. He had a terrific game.

5.43pm GMT

87 min Chelsea bring on Branislav Ivanovic for the impressive Victor Moses.

5.41pm GMT

85 min Austin has a goal disallowed for offside after robbing David Luiz. It was the right decision, though it was extremely close.

5.41pm GMT

84 min Another excellent Chelsea attack. Costa curls a long pass to the wing-back Moses on the right. He runs across the line of the box, uses Willian by not using him and belts a left-footed shot that is too hot for Forster to hold.

5.37pm GMT

81 min A summary of this match.

5.35pm GMT

78 min Substitutions galore. Chelsea introduce Willian for Pedro; Southampton bring on Sam McQueen and Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg for Dusan Tadic and Ryan Bertrand.

5.33pm GMT

76 min Southampton almost pulled one back. Martina’s curling cross was met at the near post by Davis, who headed it onto the challenging David Luiz. From there it looped over Courtois and onto the top of the bar.

5.30pm GMT

74 min Chelsea have been brilliant in the second half. Before half-time they were excellent defensively but offered almost nothing going forward. Since the break they could have scored four or five.

5.28pm GMT

71 min Hazard almost repeats his goal against Manchester United last week. He ran at Martina on the left of the box, moved the ball infield and drove it low across goal. It wasn’t quite in the corner, however, and Forster got down smartly to his left to save.

5.25pm GMT

69 min Bertrand breaks down the left and wafts a nice cross towards Austin, who gets above Cahill on the six-yard line but thumps his header over the bar. That was Southampton’s best chance of the match.

5.25pm GMT

68 min Southampton have only had one shot on target, Tadic’s free-kick in the first half. That tells you how well Chelsea have defended.

5.24pm GMT

67 min This game is done. Chelsea are in full catenaccio mode and Southampton have no answer.

5.21pm GMT

63 min How did that stay out? Moses’s shot was spilled by Forster to Hazard, who calmly squared it across the six-yard line for Costa. Forster was out of the game but there was a defender on the line and Costa, for some reason, tried to give the goal to Pedro. His pass was slightly behind Pedro, who was eventually crowded out by the defence. It was lovely play from Hazard, reminiscent of Karel Poborsky’s brilliant assist for Vladimir Smicer in the 3-2 win over the Netherlands at Euro 2004.

5.17pm GMT

61 min Southampton make their first change, with Clasie replaced by Sofiane Boufal.

5.15pm GMT

58 min Almost a third goal for Chelsea. Hazard’s low cross to the near post is swept over the bar by Costa, who was under pressure from the sliding Fonte on the six-yard line.

5.15pm GMT

57 min This has been an immaculate away performance from Chelsea. It’s hard to believe it’s just over a month since they were a mess at Arsenal.

5.13pm GMT

This is a wonderful goal from Diego Costa! Chelsea took a short free-kick on the left, where Hazard gave the ball to Costa. He moved infield and them, just from just outside the box, smacked a magnificent curling shot into the far corner. Brilliant. He was helped by some half-arsed defending from Martina, who couldn’t be bothered to close him down properly, but it was still a fantastic goal.

5.11pm GMT

55 min Chelsea look very comfortable defensively, and a bit more purposeful in attack than they were in the first half. This is their best spell of the game.

5.10pm GMT

52 min Chelsea counter-attack promisingly until Alonso picks the wrong option, a shot from 25 yards, and executes it dismally.

5.09pm GMT

50 min Matic heads the corner over the bar.

5.08pm GMT

49 min Fonte saves a goal with a crucial interception. Kante drove a crossfield pass to Alonso, who delivered a beautiful low cross along the six-yard line. Fonte, sliding towards his own goal, knew he had to do something because Hazard was behind him waiting to score, and he just managed to slice it wide of the far post from a corner.

5.06pm GMT

48 min Southampton have some decent attacking options on the bench, including Boufal, McQueen and Hojbjerg. I suspect they’re going to need them.

5.02pm GMT

46 min Southampton kick off from left to right. Peep peep!

4.49pm GMT

Half-time reading

4.48pm GMT

Peep peep! Chelsea have done an efficient number on Southampton, scoring early through Eden Hazard and defend in the Serie A style. Southampton have not played badly at all but they are really struggling to add the progression to their possession. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

4.47pm GMT

45+1 min Southampton appeal for a penalty when Austin goes over after an aerial challenge with Kante. There was nothing in that.

4.46pm GMT

44 min “Shearer last night said that Aguero is the only world-class player in the Premiership,” says Ian Copestake. “Given there are only about five world class players in the actual world then perhaps his comment has no actual shock value.”

4.43pm GMT

43 min Austin does exceedingly well, Mr Kipling, to win a corner for Southampton. Bugger all happens from the corner, however, so he needn’t have bothered.

4.42pm GMT

41 min Matic robs Clasie and plays a gentle through pass for Costa. He lumbers into the box and whacks a low shot that is kicked away by Forster. That’s a crucial save because you can’t see Southampton coming back from 2-0 down against this defence.

4.39pm GMT

38 min Good play from Hazard, who veers away from Van Dijk and Romeu 20 yards from goal before hitting a low curling shot that is comfortably saved by Forster.

4.34pm GMT

33 min A desperate clearance from David Luiz finds Hazard on the left. He has a great chance to put Pedro through on goal but mishits his crossfield pass. Eventually it comes to Moses, whose shot deflects wide for a corner.

4.32pm GMT

31 min This is almost like a training session, with Southampton attacking and Chelsea defending. Chelsea look superbly organised at the back and Southampton can’t make any progress.

4.29pm GMT

27 min Alonso shoves Tadic over 25 yards from goal. He’s been the weakest of Chelsea’s back seven thus far. The free-kick is a far way to the right of centre, and Chelsea only have a three-man wall. Tadic curls it low around that wall and Courtois plunges to his left to palm it round.

4.24pm GMT

23 min Tadic started the match superbly but hasn’t been involved much in the last 10 minutes. For all their nice passing, Southampton haven’t really got behind Chelsea.

4.22pm GMT

21 min Davis’s corner from the left is headed back to him by Cahill. He lobs another cross beyond the far post, where the under-pressure Fonte can’t direct his header on target.

4.21pm GMT

20 min Hazard looks menacing every time he gets the ball. After missing almost all of last season through apathy, he is fit and firing again.

4.18pm GMT

17 min “I’m glad to see Chelsea finally showing signs of change after playing in a similar way regardless of manager,” says Nas Iqbal. “Conte’s trust in Luiz and Moses is reaping big rewards right now.”

They look formidable defensively now, with three centre-backs and Kante and Matic in front of them. Good luck getting through that mob.

4.17pm GMT

16 min Southampton win a corner on the left, play it short and make a balls of it.

4.14pm GMT

14 min Davis’s inswinging free-kick from a narrow position to the left is headed well wide by Austin, lurking near the penalty spot. That was a decent chance but he got far too much on the header.

4.14pm GMT

13 min Southampton have responded well to going behind, with some confident, easy passing.

4.09pm GMT

9 min “I still have not quite recovered from the cricket this morning, me not being the type to be glad of a loss despite the incessant practice,” says Ian Copestake. “So I hope Southampton can build a good lead before tea.”

4.09pm GMT

8 min This has been a cracking start to the match, and Redmond almost slithers through the Chelsea defence at the other end. He would have done so but for that pesky Matic, who made an excellent interception.

4.08pm GMT

7 min As Gary Neville says on Sky, “once you’re one against one with Hazard in the box, you’re dead”. He beat Davis easily and then cracked the shot through Forster.

4.07pm GMT

Chelsea take the lead! It’s a classy goal from Hazard, who is starting to look back to his best. He moseyed over to the right side of the box to receive a return pass from Moses, turned inside Davis and belted a low left-footed shot through the legs of Forster.

4.06pm GMT

5 min Tadic picks up a loose ball on the edge of the box and hits a shot that is well blocked by Matic. Moments later, after Tadic makes a fool of Alonso, Romeu hooks a bouncing ball over the bar from 30 yards.

4.05pm GMT

3 min “Okay Rob,” says Matt Loten, “first poser of the afternoon for you: what is Pedro doing right to keep Chelsea’s best player of last season, Willian, on the bench? Don’t get me wrong, the Spaniard has plenty of qualities - you don’t play in that Barcelona team without qualities - but to my mind Willian is a far more consistent threat, and better at playing the ball between the lines. His free kicks aren’t half bad either. Is Conte just sticking with a winning team, or is Pedro really the better choice?”

Willian is probably a better player but I’d say Pedro suits the 3-4-3 system a bit better. Also, Pedro was superb last week so I’m sure there is an element of not changing a winning side. I can’t see Willian being on the bench for long, especially as you could play him in a few positions.

4.04pm GMT

2 min Hazard makes a good angled run to the right of the box before crossing towards Costa at the near post. His attempted shot is blocked by a defender and dribbles through to Forster.

4.00pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea kick off from left to right. They’re in blue; Southampton are wearing the usual red-and-white stripes.

3.56pm GMT

The players emerge from the tunnel into the cool Southampton air. The weather’s nice. A little brisk.

3.44pm GMT

Everton beat West Ham 2-0 in the first match of the day. You can read all about it here.

3.05pm GMT

Southampton (4-D-2) Forster; Martina, Fonte, Van Dijk, Bertrand; Romeu, Davis, Clasie; Tadic; Redmond, Austin.
Substitutes: Taylor, McQueen, Yoshida, Hojbjerg, Ward-Browse, Boufal, Olomola.

Chelsea (3-4-3) Courtois; Azpilicueta, David Luiz, Cahill; Moses, Kante, Matic, Alonso; Pedro, Costa, Hazard.
Substitutes: Begovic, Ivanovic, Terry, Chalobah, Oscar, Willian, Batshuayi.

1.58pm GMT

Chelsea are the team of the season so far. No, you big eejit, I don’t mean they’ve been the best team, but they are the team who best reflect the old-fashioned unpredictability of the 2016-17 Premier League season.

In the first few weeks, when they picked up all those points through late goals, they were apparently the likeliest challengers to the Manchester clubs. Then they were an in-transition shambles who even lost to Arsenal. Now, after Antonio Conte’s switch to three at the back, they are apparently the likeliest challengers to Manchester City, Arsenal and Liverpool.

1.52pm GMT

Rob will be here soon enough. Until then, read Antonio Conte’s thoughts on fruit and varying formations:

Under Antonio Conte Chelsea’s stomachs are settling. It has been a fraught 12 months but three Premier League wins of increasing significance have brought a pronounced change in tone and the manager’s tweaks, both on and off the pitch, appear to have swiftly borne fruit.

In fact fruit is only part of it. Conte’s reputation for keeping firm control over his players’ diets preceded his arrival in July and, in relaxed form at Cobham before Sunday’s visit to Southampton, he explained that his insistence on balanced food intake stems from a penny dropping late in his playing career.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 30, 2016 10:50

October 29, 2016

Crystal Palace v Liverpool: Premier League - live!

A wonderful performance from Philippe Coutinho inspired Liverpool to a thrilling win at Selhurst Park in a superb game

8.02pm BST

7.23pm BST

Peep peep! Liverpool stay in touch with Manchester City and Arsenal after a thrilling attacking performance in a highly enjoyable game. If they do win their first title since 1990, they are going to do it in style. Thanks for your company, goodnight.

7.20pm BST

90+2 min Liverpool make their final substitution, with Ragnar Klavan replacing Sadio Mane.

7.19pm BST

90 min There will be four minutes of added detail.

7.17pm BST

89 min Coutinho is replaced by Divock Origi. He played obscenely well.

7.17pm BST

88 min Coutinho almost gets the goal his wonderful performance deserves, sidefooting too close to Mandanda after a pass from Mane.

7.15pm BST

86 min Puncheon’s well-struck if optimistic shot from 30 yards goes a few yards over the bar. Karius had it covered.

7.14pm BST

85 min Fraizer Campbell replaces James McArthur for Palace.

7.09pm BST

81 min That Firmino goal knocked the stuffing out of Palace, and now the only issue is whether Liverpool get any more.

7.08pm BST

79 min Coutinho runs straight through two Palace defenders and hits a left-footed shot that is well saved by Mandanda.

7.07pm BST

78 min If I was a Liverpool fan, I would be inclined to book Monday 22 May 2017 off work.

7.04pm BST

76 min A Liverpool substitution: Georginio Wijnaldum replaces Adam Lallana.

7.02pm BST

74 min Palace bring on Jason Puncheon for Joe Ledley.

7.02pm BST

74 min Zaha’s rising shot from the right of the box is beaten away by Karius.

7.01pm BST

73 min The top three have all scored four away from home today. This could - could - turn out to be the best title race since 2001-02.

7.00pm BST

Roberto Firmino seals victory for Liverpool with a fine goal. Henderson played a fast, penetrative pass down the middle to Firmino, who ran between the centre-backs and flipped the ball gently over the outrushing Mandanda from the edge of the box.

6.58pm BST

70 min Another appeal for a penalty by Palace, when Zaha goes over on the corner of the box after a challenge from Can. Nah.

6.56pm BST

69 min This is a good spell for Palace, who are having more of the ball than at any time in the match.

6.55pm BST

66 min A Palace substitution: Andros Townsend replaces the anonymous Lee. Replays show that Matip did just about get the ball with that tackle on Benteke, so Andre Marriner made the right decision.

6.54pm BST

62 min “Sturridge must be kicking himself (something I’d pay to see as it would of course be technically beautiful) as there is no way this is a match for him even as a substitute,” says Ian Copestake. “He should just read poetry.”

I wonder if one of the other big teams - United or Arsenal in particular - might take a punt on him in January.

6.50pm BST

61 min This game is so open and could easily end 4-3 to Palace or 6-2 to Liverpool. Even Quasimodo has declined to predict what’s going to happen next.

6.49pm BST

59 min Palace have two penalty appeals turned down in one attack. The first looked a dive by Zaha, but the second, a clumsy hack by Matip at Benteke, was a much better shout. I’d like to see it again as Matip was just have got something on the ball.

6.47pm BST

58 min This, in the parlance of our time, could be anything. Both teams look like they will create a chance with every attack.

6.47pm BST

57 min Benteke misses a great chance! He headed a long ball down to Cabaye, who played a lovely return pass. Benteke was 12 yards out, to the left of the box; he tried to curl it across goal but didn’t around the ball enough and it was straight at Karius.

6.43pm BST

54 min Coutinho, who has played astonishingly well, weights a gorgeous angled through ball for Mane, who bursts beyond Kelly before hitting a low shot that is crucially saved by the outstretched leg of Mandanda.

6.41pm BST

52 min A corner to Palace on the left. Cabaye plays it short to Zaha, who loses it. What a bizarre decision to play it short with all those huge units waiting in the box.

6.39pm BST

51 min Palace, so cautious in the first half, have clearly determined to get in Liverpool’s a face a bit more, or indeed a bit.

6.38pm BST

49 min Karius makes a smart save from Benteke. A free-kick from the halfway line was won in the air by Dann on the edge of the box. His header bounced towards Benteke, who turned smartly to smash a shot towards goal from a tight angle. Karius’s positioning was good and the shot bounced off him.

6.37pm BST

48 min Can is booked for a late tackle on Cabaye.

6.34pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Palace begin the second half, kicking from right to left.

6.19pm BST

Half-time reading

6.18pm BST

That was a richly entertaining half. Liverpool played ridiculously well going forward, scoring three and hitting the post twice. Palace have done well to stay in the game because they’ve been battered. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

6.15pm BST

Liverpool have scored again from a set piece, against the team who were supposed to bully them at set pieces. Coutinho’s fast corner from the right dipped beautifully onto the head of the unmarked Matip, who bulleted a header through Mandanda. It was terrible defending from Palace, with Tomkins supposed to be marking Matip, but it was a great ball and a thumping header. That’s Matip’s first goal for Liverpool.

6.13pm BST

43 min Quasimodo predicts a 5-2 win for Liverpool. They have been sensational going forward.

6.11pm BST

41 min That Coutinho header actually hit the outstretched hand of Ward before it was saved by Mandanda, so Liverpool might have had a penalty.

6.11pm BST

40 min Yet another chance for Liverpool. It came after a blistering counter-attack. Lallana played the ball into Coutinho, who held the ball and then played a brilliant reverse pass to find Lallana on the left of the box. He was caught between crossing and shooting and ended up dragging the ball a few yards wide of the far post.

6.09pm BST

38 min Mane misses a sitter! Coutinho’s cross was blocked and came back to Clyne, who fizzed a precise pass across the box to pick out Mane. He was 10 yards out, unmarked, but somehow sidefooted his shot over the bar.

6.09pm BST

37 min Great save from Mandanda! Firmino scooted round the back on the right and stood up a fine cross towards Coutinho. He stretched to head towards goal, and Mandanda flew to his right to push it onto the post.

6.06pm BST

36 min “JR makes a good point about Karius’ attempt to block the ball for McArthur’s goal,” says Graeme Thorn, “but his thought process could have been that Lovren’s shanked clearance might have been misconstrued as a backpass had he handled it before McArthur touched it.”

6.04pm BST

35 min Not even Quasimodo predicted this. Liverpool have been completely in control of the game, and it’s 2-2.

6.04pm BST

34 min It’s fair to say McArthur doesn’t score many headed goals. He celebrated both by patting his head in joyous disbelief.

6.03pm BST

James McArthur scores his second headed goal of the match! Benteke won a high ball, heading it across to Zaha on the right. He drove a flat cross towards the six-yard line, where McArthur got in front of Lovren and headed decisively past Karius. That’s an excellent finish.

6.00pm BST

29 min The overlapping Moreno blitzes a shot off the outside of the post from a tight angle. I think Mandanda had it covered but even so, some of Liverpool’s attacking play has been electric.

5.57pm BST

27 min Lovren has made a virtue of embarrassment - since Palace’s goal he has been on one, and now he goes marauding down the left wing like Lothar Matthaus! It doesn’t lead to anything of note but it was a great and vaguely comical run.

5.56pm BST

26 min This has been a hugely impressive performance from Liverpool so far, though I do wonder whether Palace have shown them slightly too much respect. Whatever the reason, around four-fifths of the match is being played in Palace’s half.

5.55pm BST

25 min “The cherry on top of that crap defending sandwich was Karius declining to use his hands to block that header by McArthur,” says JR in Illinois. “He tried to block it with his head even though he was yards inside his area. The replays are hilarious. Still chuckling about that one.”

5.54pm BST

24 min Firmino might have made it 3-1. Tomkins’ interception turned into a great through ball for Firmino, who scuffed his left-footed shot from 12 yards. It might have gone in nonetheless but for a superb block by Ward.

5.53pm BST

23 min I have bugger all to say, I just wanted to type an entry that wasn’t a goal.

5.53pm BST

Lovren makes up for his error straight away! He muscled Dann aside at the far post to meet Coutinho’s left-wing corner and thump a header under Mandanda. That’s an outstanding response to a hideous error to give Palace their equaliser. Palace will be disgusted that Liverpool have scored from a set-piece against them.

5.49pm BST

Palace are level thanks to an appalling mistake from Dejan Lovren! A long goalkick went through to Matip, who stooped to head it square to Lovren. I have no idea what Lovren was trying to do - I think he mistook himself for Franz Beckenbauer - but he lobbed it gently back towards his own goal and McArthur ran through to head past the outrushing Karius from 15 yards.

5.47pm BST

As you were, with Liverpool on the attack - and now they’ve scored! They had a long spell of possession before Coutinho clipped a ball over the top for Moreno on the left of the box. He cushioned a volley infield towards Can, who arrived late and hit a low shot from 10 yards that deflected off Dann and past Mandanda. It was on target so it’s Can’s goal, though the deflection was decisive.

5.45pm BST

14 min “Yeah, I can see your point,” says Matt Dony. “I’m not one for ‘I’ve got a blacker dog’ games, but the next couple of decades didn’t work out too badly, though, did they? I miss that perch...”

I miss it too.

5.43pm BST

13 min Palace enjoy the rarefied atmosphere of the Liverpool half for a minute or so. They had been under so much pressure before that.

5.41pm BST

11 min See 6 min.

5.38pm BST

8 min Coutinho runs at Ward on the left of the box before overhitting his cross. Liverpool have had 78 per cent of the possession so far.

5.36pm BST

6 min Liverpool look confident and authoritative in possession. Palace are working extremely hard defensively. This could be a long night for them.

5.33pm BST

4 min Liverpool have had most of the ball so far, as we expected. Palace’s gameplan was confirmed by their first attack, when Zaha drove a long cross towards Benteke at the far post.

5.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Liverpool, in yellow, kick off from right to left. Palace are in red-and-blue stripes.

5.28pm BST

An email! “Yes, the title had realistically gone before that Palace game, unless Liverpool won by a truckload of goals,” says Matt Dony. “Goal difference was the factor at that time. Through the first half, it seemed like they could score at will. I remember getting the impression they got carried away, even subconsciously, with the thought of clawing back the difference. A season built on a gung-ho, reckless approach to attacking reached its natural conclusion, with a porous defence giving up goals on the counter at a crucial time. The upshot is, reading that a six-goal win will put Liverpool on top scares me. Those wounds are still tender.”

All I’ve got to say to that is: 26 April 1992.

5.14pm BST

Pertinent information for lovers of October league tables Manchester City won 4-0 at West Brom, so Liverpool won’t go top tonight unless they win by six. They’ll be happy with any shade of victory.

5.08pm BST

“Liverpool are an incredibly predictable side as you can always tell from the first 30 seconds whether they will win or lose,” writes Ian Copestake. “If there is no foot on the gas then Benteke might get a hat full. But if the harrying begins from the off then this could be a massive score. 0-0 then. You’re welcome.”

4.33pm BST

Crystal Palace (4-2-3-1) Mandanda; Ward, Tomkins, Danna, Kelly; McArthur, Ledley; Lee, Cabaye, Zaha; C Benteke.
Substitutes: Hennessey, Fryers, Delaney, Flamini, Townsend, Puncheon, Campbell.

Liverpool (4-3-3) Karius; Clyne, Matip, Lovren, Moreno; Lallana, Henderson, Can; Mane, Firmino, Coutinho.
Substitutes: Mignolet, Randall, Klavan, Lucas, Sturridge, Origi, Wijnaldum.

11.56am BST

The government might not have a clue how to deal with Brexit – yep, the MBM has discovered politics, deal with it – but Liverpool know how to make a virtue of not being in Europe. There is an increasing sense that, as in 2013-14, the lack of European matches gives them a wonderful chance of winning their first title since 1990.

A trip to Crystal Palace brings back darker memories of that 2013-14 season (even if, in truth, the significance of that 3-3 draw is completely overplayed – the title was gone by then). Palace are always tough opponents at home, and the law of sod suggests Christian Benteke will go into Beast Mode against his old club, but Liverpool will fancy their chances after their superb performances at Arsenal, Spurs and Chelsea already this season.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 29, 2016 11:23

Sunderland 1-4 Arsenal: Premier League – as it happened

Alexis Sanchez and the substitute Olivier Giroud scored twice each as Arsenal continued their superb away form with an easy win at Sunderland

2.54pm BST

Read Louise Taylor’s match report from the Stadium of Light:

2.23pm BST

Peep peep! Arsenal outclassed Sunderland and go top of the table, for the next couple of hours at least. Their next two league games are against Spurs and Jose Mourinho. Win those, and every Arsenal fan in the land will have permission to get giddy. Thanks for your company, bye.

2.20pm BST

90 min There will be three additional minutes of vague existential angst for Sunderland.

2.18pm BST

89 min Coquelin is replaced by Ainsley Maitland-Niles.

2.17pm BST

88 min Quasimodo predicted all this.

2.16pm BST

87 min “Strike my previous remarks from the record; Gibbs is the player that Ashley Cole always wanted to be,” says Matt Loten. “On the other hand, I watched Traore play for a year at Portsmouth and he didn’t know the meaning of the phrase ‘defensive half.’ The boy could scare the life out of an opposing full-back, though. And to just hammer home his point, Gibbs has skinned his marker and found Sanchez as I type. I’m retiring from this armchair punditry lark. At least until the next MBM.”

2.14pm BST

85 min “Is Matt Loren hanging around for the Palace v Liverpool game later?” asks Matt Dony. “It’d be appreciated if he could write off a couple of Liverpool defenders...”

2.13pm BST

84 min Another Sunderland substitution: Watmore is replaced by Lynden Gooch.

2.12pm BST

82 min It’s another grim day for Sunderland but, really, they were always likely to lose this match. The next two - Bournemouth away and especially Hull at home - are the ones that matter. If they don’t win one of those, they will be in the malodorous stuff.

2.10pm BST

79 min Ramsey replaced Oxlade-Chamberlain, I missed that. And Gibbs has been booked for something or other. Thousands of Sunderland fans left the ground when that fourth goal was scored. There were plenty of boos too, though they might have been for Sanchez.

2.08pm BST

It’s becoming a rout. Gibbs rattled the post but Arsenal kept the ball alive through Ramsey, and Sanchez stabbed the ball past Pickford from a few yards.

2.07pm BST

Ozil’s free-kick hits the top of the wall and goes behind for a corner - and that leads to another goal for Giroud! Ozil swung the corner to the near post, where Giroud got a run on Djilobodji and steered a very good backheader over Pickford and into the net. I assume he meant that. That was a bit of a Steve Bould little eyebrows homage, except this one went straight into the net.

2.04pm BST

74 min Januzaj boots Coquelin in the face. He didn’t know he was there, in fairness, but it’s a free-kick to Arsenal in the D.

2.04pm BST

73 min Ozil should have made it 3-1. Gibbs broke into space again, screamed “HAVE SOME OF THIS MATT LOTEN!” and played an inviting low cross to Ozil at the near post. He didn’t get enough on his attempted shot, however, and it drifted across goal.

2.02pm BST

72 min That was a really good goal; he adjusted his body like it was a piece of Playdoh.

2.01pm BST

Giroud scores with his first touch! Sanchez played the ball down the left to Gibbs, whose flat cross was volleyed deftly into the far corner by Giroud. That’s an excellent goal.

2.00pm BST

71 min “Whilst Arsene has demonstrated Arsenal’s enviable strength in depth by coping perfectly well today without Cazorla, Xhaka or Walcott, I’m still not entirely convinced what Kieron Gibbs brings to the party,” says Matt Loten. “As much as I would like to see an English player establish himself as a regular for a top team, it does seem to me as though he has made it this far mostly because he’s good at running quite quickly. Defensively he often looks caught in two minds and positionally suspect; and when he gallops forward his passing and decision-making look suspect. I’m willing to be proven wrong, but he strikes me as an Armand Traore or Justin Hoyte who’s been kept on the books for much longer than he really deserves.”

It’s funny how things work out. I remember doing a League Cup game against Newcastle in 2007, and Traore looked nailed on to follow Clichy and Cole off the left-back production line; he was so good.

1.59pm BST

70 min Now Sunderland make a substitution: Steven Pienaar is replaced by Adnan Januzaj.

1.59pm BST

70 min Koscielny, jumping almost backwards at the far post, heads a corner over the bar.

1.58pm BST

70 min An Arsenal substitution: Olivier Giroud replaces Alex Iwobi.

1.58pm BST

69 min Ozil’s cute pass finds Oxlade-Chamberlain, who smashes a cross on the turn right across the face of goal.

1.56pm BST

67 min Alexis was booked for his complaints.

1.55pm BST

66 min Arsenal will be pretty aggrieved at the penalty appeal they had just before Watmore was fouled. Kone definitely put his hand on Alexis’s shoulder, which I suppose is a foul in the current climate. Alexis is still irritated and has a long moan at Martin Atkinson before kicking off.

1.54pm BST

Defoe scores emphatically, curling it high to his right as Cech goes the other way.

1.53pm BST

Oh my. Watmore races clear after an error from Mustafi, goes round Cech and is bumped to the ground. Cech is booked.

1.52pm BST

62 min Alexis has a big appeal for a penalty turned down. He drew Kone in and then scooted past him and into the area. It looked like Kone put hands on him but Martin Atkinson waved his hands demonstratively, the universal sign

of self-importance
for no penalty.

1.51pm BST

62 min After an awkward start to the second half, Arsenal have taken control again. Mustafi plays a very good pass down the inside-right channel to Oxlade-Chamberlain, who lofts a cross/shot well wide of the far post.

1.48pm BST

59 min Arsenal almost sting Sunderland on the counter. Ozil, just inside his own half, waves a gloriously insouciant lob over the defence to put Oxlade-Chamberlain clear in the inside-right channel. He outpaces the defender but drags his shot well wide of the far post from 15 yards.

1.47pm BST

57 min A half-chance for Sunderland. Defoe finds Watmore on the left of the box with an angled pass, but Watmore’s low cross is really poor. He had two players in space at the far post but sidefooted it too close to Koscielny.

1.45pm BST

56 min “Before that Alexis’ header, Arsenal hadn’t scored against a David Moyes’ team for over 380 minutes,” notes Admir Pajic. “Speaking of Moyes, he was one of the victims of his appointment at Manchester United. He was a 7th-placed manager that was given a hot seat at 1st-placed team that had just waved goodbye to the most successful manager ever. Sadly, he has never restored his confidence ever since as his brief Spanish episode proved.”

1.43pm BST

54 min Jones helps the ball over the defence for Defoe, who is fractionally offside. Not that it mattered, because Khazri bobbled a shot wide moments later.

1.41pm BST

51 min Sunderland definitely look better since half-time. They get a free-kick in a decent position for a cross, but Khazri’s delivery is flat and slow and Bellerin clears.

1.39pm BST

50 min Sanchez is being booed for clattering Djilobodji’s knee with his back.

1.37pm BST

49 min Another yellow card for Sunderland. This time it’s Djilobodji, for easing his knee into Sanchez’s back.

1.36pm BST

48 min A bright start from Sunderland. Ndong’s cross flashes across the face of goal, and then Watmore has Sunderland’s first touch of the ball in Arsenal’s box in the match. Crikey.

1.35pm BST

47 min “Hawrite Rob!” chirps Ryan Dunne. “In fairness (although there’s much to love about all the post-Berry albums except for Around the Sun) REM did return to form when they ditched the experimentation and overelaboration and went back to basics with Accelerate. Maybe Wenger needs to bring back 4-4-2 and the occasional Tuesday Club.”

And the Back Four. I bet they could still keep clean sheets, even in their fifties.

1.34pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Sunderland begin the second half, kicking from right to left.

1.32pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“Arsenal winning spoils my game of working out just how many different teams could take over the leadership this weekend, given timing of games,” says Jonathan Bradley.

1.19pm BST

Half-time reading

1.19pm BST

Peep peep! That was an extremely snug 45 minutes for Arsenal, who lead through Alexis’ excellent header. It’s hard to see how Sunderland can get back into this. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.15pm BST

45 min Arsenal are playing some lovely football. They look so classy when they knock it around like this. After another nice move, Ozil’s dinked cross drifts just wide of the far post. Pickford had it covered.

1.14pm BST

44 min I think Coquelin landed heavily on his shoulder, hence the rollovers and screams. He’s back on the field now.

1.13pm BST

43 min “Also like REM, Arsenal struggled for over a decade to replace a retired rhythm section,” says Jack Felton. “Logically, then, Wenger will call it a day after one last decent little burst of energy, then become a self-deprecating part-time political commentator with a spectacular beard.”

1.12pm BST

42 min O’Shea is replaced by Papy Djilobodji.

1.12pm BST

41 min Pienaar is booked for a foul on Coquelin, who rolls over like he’s enduring a near-death experience.

1.11pm BST

40 min More bad news for Sunderland: John O’Shea is going off injured. I think it’s his hamstring.

1.10pm BST

39 min “Dutch schemer Herz van Hier was always handy...” says Adam Hirst.”

1.10pm BST

38 min Pickford redeems his own error with a vital save from Ozil. Coquelin (I think) clipped a lazy pass over the top to put Ozil clear on goal. Pickford was in no man’s land again, near the edge of his area, but he was managed to reach high to his right to save Ozil’s lob. It was a slightly meek effort from Ozil.

1.09pm BST

37 min Sunderland are working hard to hold on to their one-goal deficit. It must be quite dispiriting to chase the ball like this for so long, knowing it’s almost certainly an extended exercise in futility. They just can’t get any attacking momentum whatsoever.

1.08pm BST

36 min “The semi-final winner might have been more important in the big picture, but you simply can’t talk about John O’Shea and Arsenal without mentioning that chip in the league,” says Matt Dony. “I’m no United fan, but that was one of the most glorious, hilarious, joyous moments I’ve ever seen on a pitch. Reprise today?”

His celebration was great too. He’s always been an extremely good finisher, certainly for a defender.

1.06pm BST

35 min Oxlade-Chamberlain mugs Khazri, scampers into the box and drives low towards the near post. Pickford holds on comfortably.

1.05pm BST

34 min “Just joined,” says William Hargreaves. “Would the Arsenal have scored more if Pickford wasn’t such a good mover?” He’s not as good as Vito Manandvan.

1.04pm BST

33 min Ndong is booked for taking a shortcut through Coquelin.

1.02pm BST

32 min Alexis clips it high over the bar.

1.02pm BST

31 min Khazri is booked for dragging down Ozil right on the edge of the area. “Alexis” will fancy this.

1.01pm BST

30 min It’s hard to know whether to take Arsenal seriously as title contenders. Like R.E.M., they have hailed their own return to form too often. We’ll have a much better idea after their next two league games: Spurs and Man Utd.

12.59pm BST

28 min Arsenal are in complete control of the game, even though it feels like they are playing within themselves. Sunderland have been fine defence and midfield but they don’t look like scoring.

12.57pm BST

26 min Iwobi plays a one-two with Gibbs, shuffles infield and hits a decent curler just over the bar. Pickford had it covered mind.

12.56pm BST

25 min “I don’t even have a dubious stream to confirm it but it’s probably the Prostate Cancer UK symbol on Moyes’s lapel,” says Richard Gibbon. “Even if it isn’t it’s probably worth mentioning what excellent work they do anyway.” Ah yes, of course it is.

12.55pm BST

24 min Defoe has an acrobatic volley disallowed for offside against Khazri, whose cross he turned into the net. Khazri was miles off.

12.54pm BST

23 min Sunderland have just one problem in this game: they have to score a goal.

12.53pm BST

22 min 1-0 to the Arsenal? Quasimodo predicted all this.

12.52pm BST

21 min Khazri is fouled just outside the area, slightly to the right of centre. Van Aanholt clips the free-kick over the wall and just wide, though I think Cech had it covered.

12.51pm BST

This has been coming, and it’s an excellent goal. Oxlade-Chamberlain beats Watmore with ease on the right and puts over a fine cross towards the centre of the six-yard line. Alexis moves one way and then the other, zipping in front of Kone to place a fine header into the corner.

12.48pm BST

15 min Mustafi’s clipped pass forward puts Iwobi through on goal. He goes round Pickford, in no man’s land 15 yards from goal, but overruns the ball and Sunderland get a goalkick.

12.47pm BST

14 min Sunderland are starting to live on the edge a bit. Rodwell tries to usher a loose ball through to Pickford, panics when he feels Bellerin behind him and ends up trying to kick the ball out for a corner. It hits Pickford and rebounds to safety.

12.45pm BST

13 min The first chance for Arsenal. Sanchez finds Ozil on the right of the box with a superb angled pass. Ozil’s first touch is good but his second, an attempted pass into the far corner from a tightish angle, is too close to Pickford.

12.44pm BST

12 min This has been a strong, feisty start by Sunderland. They’ve shown no signs of creating anything but they have made life uncomfortable for Arsenal’s delicate footballers. Only 78 minutes’ hard labour left.

12.42pm BST

11 min “A close-up of Moyes reveals he’s sporting a lapel badge which looks exactly like the universal sign for the gents’ toilet,” says Charles Antaki. “Rob, you’re a journalist - why?”

Don’t throw words like ‘journalist’ at me.

12.41pm BST

10 min Arsenal haven’t really got going yet, but Gibbs wins a corner that Elneny flashes right across the face of goal.

12.38pm BST

7 min A decent move from Sunderland. Khazri finds the overlapping full-back Jones, whose dinked cross is claimed confidently by Cech.

12.38pm BST

5 min “Moyes is a good man and thorough but does he possess Allardyce’s very particular set of skills?” says Phil Podolsky. “Skills he has acquired over a very long career, skills that make him a nightmare for relegation rivals?”

Allardyce is a genius, and it’s such a shame that the internet got him sacked because he probably had a better chance of making the impossible job possible than anyone else. It’s harder to judge Moyes because he has only been a success at two clubs, and he’s not been in many relegation battles. I do think he’s an excellent long-term choice for Sunderland if they hold their nerve.

12.36pm BST

4 min A deep cross from Bellerin is met by Oxlade-Chamberlain, whose header hits a Sunderland defender and loops onto the top of the net. The corner produces the square root of nowt.

12.34pm BST

3 min Nothing is happening at the moment. John O’Shea, the Sunderland captain, has come a long way since he scored the winning goal against Arsenal in a Champions League semi-final.

12.33pm BST

2 min Pickford’s clearance hits the hand of Sanchez, who betrays his transgression of the laws by wringing his hand in pain.

12.31pm BST

1 min After an immaculate minute’s silence for Remembrance Day, Arsenal kick off from right to left. They are wearing a blue strip with a yellow frisson; Sunderland have the old red-and-white stripes on.

12.16pm BST

This email, from Vijayant Singh, is either genius or rubbish, don’t ask me which.

rod-dee-dob

dop-dippi-doo

12.05pm BST

An email! “Glad you referred to Moyes as excellent, as you’re quite right,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “The only thing I’d question about his judgment is his timing. Enough said about United, but even here with the Black Cats it’s unlikely to end well. I’m not trying to wind up the Sunderland supporters by referring to their arch-rival, however Moyes might have been much, much better off if he had taken charge of the club when they were already doomed, much as Rafa Benitez did with Newcastle. Then poor old David Moyes could have a year in the Championship to weed out his squad and build it back up out of the spotlight. Hope he still gets the chance - he’s a good man and deserves the opportunity.”

Good point that. Relegation is underrated.

12.03pm BST

‘Remember when...’ is the lowest form of conversation

11.50am BST

Pre-match reading

11.50am BST

“If I was a Sunderland fan, I wouldn’t be worried even if they had zero points,” says Shaun Wilkinson. “After the last four seasons, I firmly believe they could spend the entire season deliberately kicking the ball into their own net and still finish 17th.”

11.40am BST

Sunderland (4-3-3) Pickford; Jones, Kone, O’Shea, Van Aanholt; Rodwell, Ndong, Pienaar; Watmore, Defoe, Khazri.
Substitutes: Mika, Djilobodji, Manquillo, Love, Gooch, Januzaj, Anichebe.

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Cech; Bellerin, Mustafi, Koscielny, Gibbs; Coquelin, Elneny; Oxlade-Chamberlain, Ozil, Iwobi; Alexis.
Substitutes: Ospina, Gabriel, Holding, Jenkinson, Ramsey, Giroud, Maitland-Niles.

4.26pm BST

When Sunderland appointed the excellent David Moyes in the summer, it was expected that he would end their cycle of relegation escapes. And it looks like he will: on current form, they’ll be relegated by February. Yet there is some hope, perverse as it sounds, in the manner of their defeats. Most have been by one goal, often a very late goal. They aren’t a total shambles.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that they have two points from nine games, and there is already a significant danger that a false start will become a false season. If they lose today, they will equal the worst start to a Premier League season, made by Manchester City in 1995-96.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 29, 2016 06:23

October 26, 2016

Thunderous: a history of Manchester United v City League Cup derbies

Colin Bell’s career ended in one, while Carlos Tevez was moved to call Gary Neville a socksucker – for drama, intensity and noise League Cup duels take United and City to another level

The perceived crises at the two Manchester clubs should give the EFL Cup tie at Old Trafford on Wednesday considerable edge. Even so, the game is unlikely to match the drama, intensity and noise of the previous League Cup meetings between the sides. All four, from 1969 to 2010, have gone into Manchester derby folklore.

The first, a semi-final played in December 1969, was a meeting of the holy trinities: Colin Bell, Francis Lee and Mike Summerbee for City, George Best, Bobby Charlton and Denis Law for United. Five of the six scored in the two-leg tie and the other, Best, was heavily involved throughout. Both teams were 18 months past their triumphant peak, when City won the league and United the European Cup, but delved into the muscle memory bank to produce a pair of end-to-end epics.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 26, 2016 02:00

October 25, 2016

World Cup final 1970: Brazil v Italy – as it happened

The minute-by-minute report of one the great finals featuring Carlos Alberto’s iconic goal, from the pages of And Gazza Misses The Final, a collection of World Cup MBMs by Rob Smyth and Scott Murray

Carlos Alberto’s classic goal: brick-by-brick video animation

Final, Azteca Stadium, Mexico City, Mexico, Sunday 21 June 1970

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 25, 2016 11:40

October 24, 2016

Don’t be too swift to bury José Mourinho – the monster may be stirring

Manchester United’s manager has seemed too conscious of how he is expected to behave in his latest job, to the detriment of his team, but the petulant criticism of Antonio Conte was a sign the fire is returning

Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United took some fearful hidings over the years. “Even in the most successful campaigns, there always seemed to be one match when it went horribly wrong,” wrote Gary Neville in his autobiography, Red. “A nightmare match that reminded you success never comes easily.” Such games would prompt an orgy of schadenfreude around the country.

At Ferguson’s United, the only laugh that mattered was the last one: his team won the title in various seasons despite losing 5-0 against Chelsea, 4-1 against Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur – not to mention 5-0 against Newcastle United and 6-3 against Southampton in the same week. They made a virtue out of a crisis.

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 24, 2016 06:22

October 23, 2016

Chelsea 4-0 Manchester United: Premier League – as it happened

Pedro scored after 30 seconds as Chelsea thrashed Manchester United on Jose Mourinho’s return to Stamford Bridge

5.55pm BST

The last word goes to Peter Oh

“Whoever said that Jose Mourinho couldn’t inspire Chelsea’s players?! Tonight is sparkling evidence to the contrary.”

5.51pm BST

Peep peep! Chelsea have stuffed Jose Mourinho’s team in memorable style. They played the smarter, zestier football and fully deserve the orgiastic celebrations that are currently occurring at Stamford Bridge. Thanks for your company, night.

5.46pm BST

89 min See 83 min.

5.45pm BST

86 min The match is petering out. Chelsea have declared at four; United have declared at nil.

5.40pm BST

83 min Chelsea apply bleach to the wounds with some olé football.

5.38pm BST

81 min Ibrahimovic draws a fine save from Courtois with a superb snapshot.

5.35pm BST

77 min A double Chelsea substitution: Willian and Batshuayi replace Hazard and Costa.

5.32pm BST

75 min Pogba is booked for a hack at Matic.

5.31pm BST

74 min Costa’s low shot is saved by De Gea, the first Chelsea shot on target that hasn’t resulted in a goal.

5.30pm BST

73 min Mata’s curling cross is volleyed over acrobatically by Ibrahimovic.

5.28pm BST

The defending was pathetic from Pogba and Smalling, but Kante did brilliantly to receive Pedro’s pass and dummy Smalling before slipping past him and sliding the ball across De Gea into the far corner.

5.27pm BST

Chelsea make it four with a brilliant solo goal from ... N’Golo Kante!

5.24pm BST

66 min Alonso is booked for pulling back Pogba. There have actually been a few emails suggesting Mourinho should be sacked, presumably from people who didn’t see the first three and a half years of Sir Alex Ferguson’s time at Old Trafford.

5.22pm BST

65 min Another United substitution: Anthony Martial replaces Lingard.

5.20pm BST

This is a lovely goal. Hazard slowed the play down on the left before giving it back to Kante. He squared it to Matic, who played a superb first-time pass to find Hazard bursting into the box. He shifted the ball inside Smalling and drove it across De Gea into the corner.

5.16pm BST

59 min Rashford is occasionally dropping into the No10 position, which won’t please everyone, though he has been United’s liveliest player since half-time.

5.15pm BST

58 min Lingard rakes a low shot towards goal from 20 yards that is palmed away by Courtois, diving to his left.

5.13pm BST

56 min A typically disgraceful touch from Rojo allows Moses to launch a four-on-two break. He runs 60 yards before playing a good angled pass to Hazard, whose low shot is well blocked by Smalling.

5.11pm BST

54 min Chelsea have looked very comfortable defensively since half-time and are carrying the greater threat on the break.

5.10pm BST

53 min Rojo has gone to left-back, with Blind alongside Smalling in the centre.

5.09pm BST

52 min Bailly has an injury and is limping off. Marcos Rojo has come on to replace him.

5.07pm BST

50 min Hazard runs into Bailly, who has already been booked, on the edge of the box. Some referees would have given that, and if it’s a foul it’s probably a yellow card.

5.06pm BST

49 min “With 3-4-3 looking like 2016’s fashionable formation and Man City and Chelsea both playing England centre backs in a back three, how long do you reckon it’ll take England to try it?” asks James Bolle. “My money’s on 2028.”

At least John Terry will still be playing Premier League football then.

5.05pm BST

48 min Costa has a goal disallowed for offside. He was a long way beyond the defence.

5.04pm BST

48 min United have switched to 4-4-2, with Rashford up front, Lingard left, Mata right and Pogba as a false No8.

5.03pm BST

47 min “Jose Mourinho 2005, begins Adam Hirst. “Jose Mourinho 2016.”

5.03pm BST

46 min Peep peep! United kick off from left to right. Juan Mata has replaced Marouane Fellaini.

4.50pm BST

Half-time reading

4.49pm BST

“Transparent Apologist Muppets,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “How has that band name not been taken??? Definitely some kind of nouveau-prog quintet. Electric hair combs and synthesized flutes.”

4.49pm BST

Costa almost makes it 3-0 on the stroke of half-time, but Bailly blocks his goalbound shot on the turn. It’s been a miserable half for United and Jose Mourinho, with some appalling defending. See you in 10 minutes for the second half, muppets!

4.48pm BST

45+3 min “I wrote this t’other day and, the way things are going, it’s even more applicable today,” says Shane O’Leary. “I can’t help but feel that Jose has very much the look and feel of the lion in winter and it’s more pantomime than passion, more shrugging n mugging than iron-willed certainty these days, although he’s doing his best to make pre-match analysis more Spinal Tap than Football Focus.”

He just looks very tired.

4.47pm BST

45+2 min Valencia’s outswinging cross from the byline is volleyed into the ground and over the bar by Rashford, 16 yards from goal. He should have done better there though he might have been unsighted. Valencia has been United’s biggest/only attacking threat.

4.45pm BST

45 min One of the big problems with this United team is that their build-up play is so ponderous. They really need Mkhitaryan to do whatever he needs to do to get a game. Chelsea, by contrast, have crackled with menace through the movement of Hazard and especially Pedro. They have been excellent.

4.43pm BST

43 min Smalling is playing like he’s half-cut on 7%ABV cider. Costa turns him inside out on the edge of the area but Blind comes across to clear.

4.42pm BST

42 min “Now, I don’t normally go in for schadenfreude, and I’m well aware that Liverpool’s season will (if recent history is anything to do by) come off the rails in spectacular fashion at some point,” says Matt Dony. “But, checking on the score after half an hour, this looks magnificent. A good weekend to be a Liverpool fan indeed. I really do like Mourinho, I think the Premier League is better with him in it than without, but I’d hate for him to manage a team I actually cared about.”

Don’t be a transparent apologist muppet, mate.

4.41pm BST

40 min David Luiz crunches his studs into Fellaini’s knee and is booked. He should have been sent off.

4.39pm BST

39 min “‘In truth, Mourinho’s United shouldn’t be judged until the start of next season, because he inherited a mess, but modern football doesn’t work like that,’” says Martin Gwynn Jones, quoting an earlier entry. “LOLOLOLOLOLOL.he spent 100,000,000 on one player, you transparent apologist muppet.”

I love my job.

4.38pm BST

38 min Pogba plays a smart flick to Rashford, whose angled through-pass towards Ibrahimovic is excellently intercepted by Moses. Rashford is one of the few who looks affronted by this scoreline.

4.37pm BST

35 min The camera lingers on Mourinho, who looks about as perturbed as Selasi did when he was eliminated from Bake Off. He does seem to have lost some of his edge. Maybe he’s too conscious of how a Manchester United manager should be seen to behave, I don’t know.

4.32pm BST

32 min As Gary Neville points out, Rashford and Lingard are defending against Moses and Alonso when you would expect it to be the other way round. United are having a very bad day.

4.30pm BST

30 min “I look forward to the day,” begins Ian Copestake, “when the hype merchants at Sky and Playstationary, etc make adverts reflecting the true achievers in a season, like Milner or Redmond, and morph them into winged-heeled Gods who leap across buildings before dabbing and whatnot.”

4.29pm BST

29 min Bailly is booked for pulling down Costa.

4.28pm BST

28 min Herrera’s long-range shot is palmed away by Courtois, who should have held it, but he bounces to his feet to make a very good save from Lingard’s close-range follow-up. This is a cracking game.

4.27pm BST

27 min Another chance for Chelsea! A vicious low cross from Hazard on the right finds Costa at the near post, a few yards from goal, but his attempted shot hits his other foot and deflects away.

4.26pm BST

26 min That was almost a third. Blind was robbed by Pedro, whose drilled low cross was kicked away by the stretching De Gea. That saved a goal because it was going straight to Costa at the far post.

4.25pm BST

24 min With the obvious exception of Monday’s immaculate performance, this United do not look like a Mourinho team. They are ragged at times. In truth, Mourinho’s United shouldn’t be judged until the start of next season, because he inherited a mess, but modern football doesn’t work like that. They could take a pounding here because Chelsea look very dangerous on the break.

4.23pm BST

That was another terrible goal to concede. An outswinging corner from the right was flicked on at the near post and hit Herrera before bouncing towards the six-yard line. Smalling turned away from the ball for no particularly reason and Cahill - who has always been a decent finisher - contorted his body smartly to smash the ball through Blind on the line.

4.22pm BST

A corner from the right ricochets to Cahill, who rams it in from six yards.

4.20pm BST

20 min Pogba will probably become a glorious player for United. But by God he’s a waste of space at the moment.

4.19pm BST

18 min Rashford wins a corner for United on the left. Blind’s deep outswinger is headed down by the backpedalling Pogba and goes straight through to Courtois.

4.17pm BST

17 min Moses roams infield and finds Costa, who galumphs from left to right and then tries to free Pedro with a backheel. There’s just too much on it but it was a nice idea.

4.15pm BST

14 min Midfieldwatch: Kante and Herrera are playing well, Pogba is not.

4.14pm BST

13 min Bailly concedes a corner with an excellent tackle on Costa. It came from a pass by Pedro, who should have been given offside. The corner is played short to Pedro, who curls it back to the edge of the box where Hazard, in a filthy amount of space, cracks a good effort not far wide of the near post.

4.11pm BST

10 min Azpilicueta’s cross from a narrow position on the right is headed over by Hazard near the penalty spot. We’ve just seen the Chelsea goal again; Pedro was admirably alert, but Blind, Smalling and De Gea all had different shades of shocker. Pedro was also booked for celebrating by the way.

4.09pm BST

7 min United have responded well to going behind. Valencia skins Alonso like he used to skin Ashley Cole in this fixture and stands up a lovely deep cross. Ibrahimovic towers over Azpilicueta at the far post but thumps his header over from six yards. He probably should have scored.

4.05pm BST

5 min A United corner is only half cleared. Herrera wins the ball off Hazard and finds Rashford on the right side of the box. His dangerous low cross is well cleared by a Chelsea defender, possibly David Luiz.

4.04pm BST

3 min Crikey, what a start. As Gary Neville points out on Sky, United’s formation is not as expected - it’s a 4-1-4-1 with Herrera the deepest player and Fellaini and Pogba pushed onto Matic and Kante.

4.03pm BST

It looked like a nothing ball forward from Alonso on the halfway line, a speculative clip into space, but the alert Pedro scooted behind Blind and Smalling to go through on goal. De Gea came a long way out of his box, and Pedro zoomed round him with his firt touch before scoring with his left foot. United have had a shocker there.

4.01pm BST

Pedro has scored after 30 seconds!

4.00pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea, in blue, kick off from left to right. United are in red.

3.58pm BST

Jose Mourinho emerges from the tunnel almost unnoticed, if the crowd noise is anything to go by. He went to the correct bench, yes.

3.52pm BST

“My Chelsea-supporting friends are saying they expect this to be like the Liverpool v Man U game a few days ago,” says Paul Quigley. “I expect it to be a 3-3 thriller with mistakes at the back exposed by Costa and Ibra. Who do you think will stand out here? Hazard?”

Mourinho.

3.36pm BST

An email

“Big chance for United to make a statement here,” says Adam Hirst. “A good away win and a good performance would make it a Bonus Weekend, with three teams above having already had disappointing draws. But Mourinho won’t go for it, will he. Second functional draw of the week will be the best to hope for today I think.”

3.35pm BST

Mourinho speaks!

“I have to think it’s just a game. It’s an important game for us against a team who have the same objectives as us. I have to try not to be emotional but I would be lying if I said it was like playing another team ... Wayne Rooney was injured in training ... blah blah etc.”

3.24pm BST

Manchester City have drawn 1-1 with Southampton, so the top of the Premier League table is spandex-tight. It’ll be even spandex-tighter if Chelsea win. If that happens, the top five will be separated by a point.

3.16pm BST

Some more pre-match reading

3.11pm BST

There are seven minutes remaining at the Etihad, where the score is 1-1.

3.04pm BST

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, David Luiz, Cahill; Moses, Kante, Matic, Alonso; Pedro, Hazard; Diego Costa.
Substitutes: Begovic, Aina, Terry, Chalobah, Oscar, Willian, Batshuayi.

Manchester United (4-2-3-1) De Gea; Valencia, Bailly, Smalling, Blind; Herrera, Fellaini; Lingard, Pogba, Rashford, Ibrahimovic.
Substitutes: Romero, Rojo, Darmian, Carrick, Young, Mata, Martial.

2.42pm BST

Hello. There are a handful of managers who have won more trophies than Jose Mourinho. There are one or two who have a better win-percentage in their careers. But it’s hard to think of any manager who has been involved in so many games that were about him rather than the players.

There are a few reasons for that: Mourinho’s success, his charisma, his ego and even the wanderlust of the modern manager. Sir Alex Ferguson never returned to Old Trafford with an opposing team; Bill Shankly never went back to Anfield, and not just because of the restraining order. But Mourinho will return to Stamford Bridge for the first time as manager of another English team. Not just any team, either: them.

2.24pm BST

Rob will be here shortly. In the meantime, why not check out Daniel Taylor’s theory that José Mourinho may have been more affected by his final half-season at Chelsea than he probably wants to let on?

View more on Rob Smyth's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 23, 2016 09:51