Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 498

May 18, 2012: Dark Matter artist Garry Brown answers your questions!

When my editor at Dark Horse, Patrick Thorpe, asked me which artist I wanted to work with on Dark Matter, I had a difficult time offering a name.  Yes, there are plenty of comic book artists whose work I greatly admire but, being a relative newcomer to the field, I didn’t feel right pitching someone for the project.  Rather, I preferred to pitch the visual style I envisioned for the series.  I sent Patrick some samples of the look I was hoping to achieve, comic book covers and panels from a variety of artists.  Soon after, Patrick emailed me a name: Garry Brown.  As is turned out, I was familiar with Garry through his work on Incorruptible and thought he would be perfect for Dark Matter.

And he was.  Also, a pleasure to work with.

Garry did the art for all four issues (including the covers), and also did the cover for the trade paperback (that collects the opening four-issue arc) which hits the stands October 10th.  And for those of you wondering when we’ll see the next chapter in the Dark Matter comic book series, well, that’s entirely dependent on how the trade sells.  So, if you want more Dark Matter, then support the series by picking up the TPB in October.  In the meantime, Paul and I are hard at work trying to set it up as a t.v. show.

But, for now, I hand this blog over to the uber-talented Garry Brown…

Sparrow__hawk writes: “@Garry Brown: I’m in awe of your amazing talent! Thanks for bringing Joe’s story to life.”

BG: Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks to everyone who picked up the book. I had a great time working on it and I hope you enjoyed it.

Ponytail writes: “Do you work mostly with pencil and pad or on the computer?”

GB: I work both traditionally and digitally. I’ll do pencils digitally with my cintiq, then print that out blueline on the art board and inks it traditionally. I prefer the look of real inks.

“What has been your favorite character to illustrate over the years?”

GB: Well, i’m relatively new to comics so I haven’t illustrated many different characters. I had a lot of fun with the Dark Matter characters.

“What was your most fun project ever?”

GB: Probably Dark Matter. Getting to be involved in the creation of a whole new world was exciting, plus working with talents like Joe and Paul was really great.

“Who is your boss, the writer or publisher?”

GB: Both, the editor and the writer(s), i think.

“When working, what is a typical day like for you?”

GB: Checking/replying  to emails first thing. Then checking over the previous day’s work for mistakes or clean up, then onto a new page. I try and get at least 1 page penciled and inked in a day. 

“Have you ever suggested a dialogue change to the writer?”

GB: No, that’s not really my place. I’m there to bring the writer’s vision to the page.

“Who is responsible for the sounds effects, (wham!, krsh!, foom!), you or the writer?”

GB: The writer mostly, but the artist can add a few if needed.

“Did you or have you ever hidden humorous images in Dark Matter or your other drawings just for your personal amusement or entertainment? (I thought I saw a picture of Joe’s dog in Dark Matter 4 – pg 1, 3rd pic)”

GB: Ha, not on purpose. I’m not against it, though.

“What did you draw as a kid and when did you know you were pretty good?”

GB: I think I drew mostly my own random stuff. My town didn’t have a comic store so I didn’t really know that many characters as a kid. I think I eventually started drawing Batman, Spiderman and Judge Dredd.

“Thank you for taking the time and answering our questions!”

GB:  You’re very welcome.

Dasndanger writes: “Firstly, let me say that I really enjoyed the art in Dark Matter. I think it captured not just the essence of the characters, but also the gritty atmosphere of the story, from pencils to colors. Well done!”

GB: Thank you very much. I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was fun working on it.

“1. Thank you for making the samurai lad so pretty. Did Joe coach you on that, perhaps suggesting that there may be a couple female readers in need of a long-locked, manga-esque character?”

BG: Yeah, that was in the scripts. We went through a few different designs of that character until we hit the right note. The script called for a slightly androgynous look.  

“2. Who determined the coloring for Dark Matter – you, or your colorist?”

GB: It was all the colorist [RYAN HILL].

“3. Do you ever do your own coloring?”

GB: Yeah, when I do covers mostly. I did all the covers for Dark Matter, including the colors. Plus I did about 20 covers for the Incorruptible series and a few others.

“4. Have you tried your hand at writing a comic? If not, is it something that interests you?”

GB: I have. I’ve got a few projects I’ve created. Some are just ideas, some have full scripts. It’s just getting the free time to work on them that’s tough.

“5. What are your thoughts on the state of the comic book industry, and the future of the medium?”

GB: I’m not sure really. I’m still kind of on the outskirts of the industry. I’ve been ‘pro’ for a few years now and I still don’t know much about the mechanics of the industry. I’m pretty sure people shouldn’t be afraid of the inclusion of digital comics. I know a lot of pros and publishers don’t give them much credence, but I think it’s a good way to open up the industry a bit more.

“6. Do you think that the over-sexualization of female characters in comic books, especially when it comes to the artwork, keeps female readers away?”

GB: I do, yes. It can be a little strange to see all the male characters in fullbody armor/suits and have all the women wearing nothing but a bathing suit. Add in the fact that the women are all drawn radically out of proportion and I could see how it might put people off.

“7. I understand you’re Scottish. So, what’s really under a kilt? ;o)”

GB: Ha, as i remember, Kilt etiquette is you only go commando when going to war. If women are present, you remain contained.

Spendrup writes: “Do you listen to any type of music when you work to get inspiration?”

GB: Yeah, I set my ipod on random. So I get everything from Black Keys to CCR playing. Although, lately I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks. Mostly Stephen King.

“Did you came up with the look of the Ferrous Corp guys on your own, or was it all in the script?”

GB: I think that was a collaboration. I came up with a few designs and we picked what we liked. I just like drawing gas masks, haha.

Airelle writes: “Garry Brown, thank you for the great work on Joe and Paul’s project.
Did you have a favorite character to draw in this project?
thanks for your time!”

GB: Thanks for the kind words. I’m glad you liked the book  I liked drawing all the main players actually. I guess if i had to pick it’d be Marcus Boone [THREE]. He had a good face.

Randomness writes: “What drew you to Dark Matter?”

GB: I was told about a possible sci-fi miniseries by my editor at Dark Horse. I’m a huge sci-fi fan, so I was really excited about the prospect of it.

“What do you think of the story?”

GB:  I really enjoyed reading the scripts. I didn’t get all 4 at once, so I was reading them almost like you guys were. I’d finish drawing one issue then get the next script. It was a great read. I think it’s got a lot of potential to expand the universe we created.

“What’s your favorite Dark Matter scene?”

GB:  I actually enjoy the scenes were people are just talking to each other. Having debates/arguments. I guess that’d be the dramatic scenes.

“What character do you like the most?”

GB: I probably like Griffin Jones [SIX] the best. I think he’s got a lot of depth and conflict in him.

“What has it been like working with Joe and Paul, two greats behind Stargate?”

GB: It’s been great. Being involved in creating something with these guys has been a blast.

“Are you a Stargate fan?”

GB: Yes, since the movie actually. So that’s a while now. Really liked Universe. I would have loved to see where it went.

“Do you hope Dark Matter will be a long running series?”

GB:  Sure, I’d love to get back into that world. Also I’d like to know where the story goes from here. A lot of possibilities.

“What’s your favorite hobby?”

GB: I’m slowly getting back into songwriting/music. 

“On a whole what has it been like working on Dark Matter?”

GB:  A great experience. One of my more creative to date.

“Are you a foodie?”

GB: Yes, i think.

DP writes: “What happens to a project if an artist drops out partway through its run, given the need for stylistic continuity for this kind of work?

GB: I don’t think stylistic continuity is a must. It’s certainly nice to try and keep a flow going, but it doesn’t bother me.

“What can be done within a work group to minimize the risks of losing stylistic continuity in a project?”

GB: I think editors would make sure the new guy had all the previous artist’s pages and designs to keep him more on model. You would certainly have to keep the look of any previously designed characters/environment the same.

“Please correct the jargon I used in the above questions. I need to know how to express this correctly. You really don’t want to know how much I already cleaned up the language from how I’ve heard it expressed.”

GB: Ha, seemed fine to me.

“How much do you use computers in the early stages of submitting a rough draft of a drawing? How digitized is your final product?”

GB: I do layouts, pencils and coloring digitally. I do the inks traditionally.

“How many iterations of a drawing do you go through working with Joe and Paul? Is that more or less than is typical in this kind of work?”

GB: If it’s a character design, then it’ll go through a few different iterations until everyone is satisfied. I think it’s the same with every new series.

“What do you think of those internet sites where artists can bid for freelancing jobs?”

GB: I haven’t heard of them, but it sounds terrible to me. Artists don’t really get paid much, so if you have a lot of people lowballing jobs, then it hurts the rest of the industry. Artist should have a price and not feel like they have to take scraps in order to get a job.

“Are there any cryptic signatures in your work, like a Stargate director putting a pineapple in each of his SG-1 episodes?”

GB: Not yet, but that pineapple idea is a good one.

jojo writes: “For Garry: Do computers affect or help your work in any way? “

GB:  I work a lot on the wacom cintiq which has increased the pace at which i can work by about 50%. So it has helped me a lot. In comics the deadline is king. You can’t afford to miss it. Your editor has trust in you and you’re contracted to do certain work by a certain time.

“Do you do other work besides comic books and graphic novels?”

GB:  Yeah, I’ve done a few album covers, posters, storyboards and concept designs.

“Is it difficult to get jobs?”

GB: It’s extremely difficult to get work. It’s a lot like acting or writing. A lot of it has to do with being in the right place at the right time and being ready to go.

“Is it possible to do your work from any location or do you have to be located in a certain city?”

GB: Yes, in comics you can work from absolutely anywhere.

Ponytail writes: “Joe I had one more question for artist Garry Brown, if you don’t mind… I think some others have touched on coloring but what exactly is the job of the colorist and why can’t the Artist do that too? Why the separation of duties?”

GB: I think it’s the same reason that sometimes there’s an artist who pencils, then another guy inks and another guys colors. It’s all to do with time. The thought is that while I finish a page of inks, I the give it to the colorist to color as I am still working on another page, that way cutting down on the time it takes. A production line sort of thing.

Tagged: Comic Books, Comics, Dark Horse, Dark Horse Comics, Dark Matter, Garry Brown

May 17, 2012: Ghost, Burglar, Hitman, or Honest Mistake? You decide!

You ever have one of those mornings where you’re awakened by the sustained whine of your home alarm?  You stumble out of bed and are in the midst of deactivating it, wondering: a ) how your girlfriend could have forgotten about it before letting the dogs out and b) why she hadn’t deactivated it herself, when your girlfriend steps out of the bathroom and asks “What’s going on?”, quashing that possible explanation.  And then you go downstairs to discover the back door open (not just unlocked, but ajar) and, try as you might, you can’t actually recall locking it the previous night although it’s something you routinely do.  And when you’ve almost got yourself convinced that, maybe, you DID forget to lock it and it was merely blown open that morning – until you realize that the door opens outwards, meaning the gust of wind would have had to emanate from inside the house.  Also, adding to your increasing discomfort is the fact that your front gate is wide open and that you DO remember shutting it last night.  So, armed with a makeshift weapon, you work your way systematically from room to room and closet to closet, checking, searching, half-convinced it’s a silly, unnecessary exercise and half-expecting to find some deranged lunatic hunkered down in the crawlspace, poised to spring at you with sharp, dirty fingernails the second you push open the door.  But not finding anything, you breathe a sigh of relief, discard the makeshift weapon, and resume your daily routine, while, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but doubt the efficiency of your search and wonder about those potential hiding places you overlooked or dismissed: the cupboards, under the beds, behind the boxes in the crawlspace.  These notions nag at you as you work on the sixth act of the near-future miniseries you’re writing, unnerving imaginings of some contortionist little person sitting undetected inside your kitchen pantry, silently biding his time, lying in wait for night to fall when he can slip out of hiding to allow his circus cohorts access to your home so that they can execute their carnivalesque orgy of murder and mayhem.

Ever have one of those mornings?  Yes?  No?

In retrospect, I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for what happened.  In order of likelihood:

1. AN HONEST MISTAKE.  I did, in fact, forget to lock the back door last night because I took the dogs to the front yard instead.  It not only wasn’t locked, but wasn’t shut properly yet was still technically “shut” as far as the alarm system was concerned since a subsequent test revealed it could armed in just such a state.  Since the door wasn’t actually closed, it eventually could have been blown open by a gust of wind.  Similarly, a gust of wind could have also blown open the front gate as well.

2. A BURGLAR.  Someone tried to break into the house, managed to pick the lock and open the door – only to trigger the alarm which caused him/her to panic and flee.  I’m going with “pick the lock” because the back door shows no signs of forced entry.  Also, and I’m sure this must be my imagination, the lock seems to open a lot smoother than it used to.

3. HITMAN.  Same scenario as above except that, instead of breaking in with the intention of robbing me, the intruder intended to off me. He/she was either discouraged by the alarm or simply wanted to confirm it was operational before moving on to the next more inspired attempt.

4. GHOST.  My house is haunted by a restless spirit that stepped out back for a morning smoke, triggering the alarm.

What do you guys think?

Tagged: creepy, home intruder?, scary

May 16, 2012: A Major Mailbag! Includes: The scoop on the Dark Matter trade paperback! T.V. thoughts! And where I would like to see the Stargate: Universe movie go!

Well, last night I received a call from my writing partner, Paul.  It was the call I suspected and expected and altogether dreaded.  He was a couple of days into his pass on the first four acts I’d written and, while things were going well, they were also progressing slowly.  ”I don’ t know what I was thinking saying I’d be able to push ahead,”he admitted.  ”I just finished doing a pass on the first act.”  And then: “It would probably be better if you just went ahead.”  An awkward lull in the conversation, broken by him: “But why don’t you take tomorrow off as well.”

Sigh.  Eye on the prize.  Eye on the prize.  I figure I will press ahead and keep to my act a day pace.  Once I complete the next four acts, I’ll take a day off before picking up again.  This way, I will have a finished a draft by the end of May.  I’ll take a couple of days off, then do a pass on Paul’s pass and, by the time the delivery deadline creeps up on us, we should be all set.  The studio will have their script and I’ll be planning my vacation, stopping only to eat, sleep, update this blog – oh, and, oh yeah, do the rewrite.

I was feeling unusually chatty today, so check out the mucho mailbag.

Today’s entry is dedicated to Deni who said goodbye to her buddy Elway today.  Condolences.

Mailbag:

Lewis writes: “Did you catch the premiere of the new season of NEXT FOOD NETWORK STAR? I think they’re re-airing it tonight. Any early favorites from the new crop of talent? The new format is.. interesting.”

Answer: Akemi enjoys the show but I’m not a fan.  The competitions and character dynamics can be interesting but, at the end of the day, what’s the point?  This is their eighth season.  With the exception of Guy Fieri (admittedly a natural in front of the camera) can you name any of the other winning contestants?  And, no, I won’t accept “Sandwich King” as an answer unless you actually watch his show.  Which you don’t (and don’t tell me you do).

Lewis also writes: “You have so got to review “STEEL” starring Shaq.”

Answer: Yep.  Got that penciled in for July 23rd.  Should be truly terrible.

Tam Dixon writes: “Cookie’s been hitting the booze a little too hard! Meteor Man got 4 cookies but The Rocketeer dipped into the sugarless range?”

Answer: Far be it for me to defend Cookie Monster’s reviews but, relatively speaking, 6 sugarless chocolate chippee cookies beats 4 chocolate chippee cookies.  Monster just felt that Meteor Man did offer some genuinely funny moments (he laughed so hard at the model-off that he almost choked on a snickerdoodle) while Rocketeer was admittedly more accomplished – as beautiful and respectable as an arid landscape.

Maggiemayday writes: “I seem to have missed that particular Marmaduke film.”

Answer: I hear the sequel is coming out this summer = Marmaduke: Number 2

DP writes: “In the very end…The real end, not the other dozen times it seemed like the movie was over…”

Answer: Yeah, I hear that every time Cookie Monster assumed the movie was over, he would start for the bathroom only to have the movie continue.  After about the fourth time, he just said screw it and used the kitchen sink.

luis811 writes: “Joe have you got a Sat. Signal yet?????”

Answer: Yes, thanks to technical wizard Lawren Bancroft-Wilson who not only set up both DVR’s and calibrated the basement satellite, but also created a kill setting for my microwave.

2cats writes: “Hey Joe! I recently viewed a Food Network episode, Diner’s, Drive-ins and Dives and a Vancouver eatery was featured:
http://www.redwagoncafe.com/
The food looked fabulous. Have you ever visited this place?”

Answer: Not yet, but I am a regular at the other place he visited on his Vancouver tour: PEACEFUL RESTAURANT.  Get the beef rolls!

Andre writes: “I would so much love to hear if the SG Universe guys got to the end of the Galaxy. Maybe you as an insider could share some thoughts.”

Answer: That’s a closing chapter for Brad Wright and Robert Cooper to write provided they’re ever given that opportunity,  I, for one, would love some closure as well.

Andrew writes: “Are you still reading Rising Stars? I was just listening to a podcast that talked about it was the greatest series for the first 6 issues then fell off. Hard. Thoughts?”

Answer: I would agree that it certainly started strong.  I heard there was a year-long delay somewhere in the run that may have colored some fan perception of the series.

Debra writes: “Have you ever tried Kope Luwak Coffee? I can’t imagine any coffee worth $420 a pound. (much less pooped beans)

How about the Dragon Dog from dougieDog in Vancouver? “A cognac-infused foot long hotdog” for $100 bucks. Just drink a lot of cognac and give me a cheap hotdog.. but who knows, maybe it is worth $100. Nah.

And The Fleur Burger, from Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas.. $5,000. “A Wagyu burger topped with duck foie gras, smothered with truffles, and resting on a brioche truffle bun. It comes with a bottle of Chateau Petrus.” (Thanks to reader’s digest for the above list of foods I won’t be buying.)”

Answer: No on all counts.  I’m not a fan of champagne, cognac, coffee, or poop.

Brent writes: “For example I have 13 years of security experience with alarm systems, video systems, and access control systems. I’d hate for you to get burned out.”

Answer: I might take you (and your fellow expert/blog readers) up on this.

baterista writes: “Reminding you of a question for Cookie. Does he think, as I do, that some comic franchises lose something in translation to live action?”

Answer: Cookie Monster agrees that the written word is always better whether its film, television, or hotel porn.

JeffW writes: “I don’t know if this is the kind of info you’ve been researching, but as a young engineer in the late ’80′s, I had to visit NSA to fix a driver issue on a Parallel Processing box they had bought from a company I worked for.”

Answer: Great story.  I can’t use it for the miniseries but will file it away for a future project.  If I do make use of it, I’ll be sure to name one of the characters Jeff W.

Lewis writes: “Now that all 4 issues of DARK MATTER have been released are there any plans for a collected graphic novel release (hardcover or tpb)?  And if so are you going to add any extras to it (ie- character bios, background info, etc.)?”

Answer: Funny you should mention this.  I recently approved Garry Brown’s terrific cover for the Dark Matter trade paperback which will include all sorts of goodies like sketches and early design work.  It will hit the shelves sometime in October – but will let you know once I hear a firm date.

archersangel writes: “speaking of doughnuts; any opinion on cake vs. yeast-raised doughnuts? or did i miss that?”

Answer: I prefer yeast-raised because you can cram more into your mouth.

shaneac1 writes: “if hypothetically speaking MGM and rob cooper came to you to write a script for a big summer blockbuster release of a stargate universe movie how would you write that story.”

Answer: This would be most unlikely since, in the event an SGU movie ever did get a green light, Brad Wright and Robert Cooper would be the ones to write it.  If, hypothetically speaking, they wanted to hear my thoughts on where to go: Eli is able to reroute power from the shuttle to a pod and go into stasis, awakening one hundred years later. They find themselves in the clutches of an off-shoot of their descendants, a military civilization with designs on Destiny.  Earth, meanwhile, has undergone major changes.  Everyone they once knew has passed on but the standing world organization has been able to create a power source that, with the help of the Destiny, will create a stable, limited time wormhole to the ship.  Some return, some remain, while some familiar faces (the A Team whose members allowed themselves to be placed in stasis should the opportunity to finally reach Destiny present itself) join the crew (I’m thinking maybe Daniel, McKay).  The time in stasis has allowed Park to heal and she can see again while the crew’s interactions with their advanced descendants offer T.J. a cure for her condition.  With the help of advanced Earth technology and know-how in addition to a few of the descendants themselves who turn against their own, Destiny is transformed into a lean, highly efficient powerhouse that kicks major ass and makes good its escape.  That’s all I got.

DP writes: “Is your mini-series about Dark Matter?”

Answer: Alas, no.  Any potential developments on the Dark Matter front are still months away at least.

Travis B. writes: “What’s up with House? Did you watch this week’s episode?”

Answer: Probably the strangest episode of its eight season, 175 episode so far.  At times, I wondered if it was all some extended dream sequence.  I didn’t understand why finding a photo of a young boy in a patient’s drawer would be construed as bizarre.  I simply assumed it was either of childhood picture of him or a younger brother (the latter turned out to be the case).  I didn’t understand why a mother, ten years after the death of a son, refused to even talk about him at the request of a sick but very much alive son.  I don’t know why Wilson went off on House at the restaurant and why he couldn’t plainly see that all of House’s machinations were orchestrated because he cared. Wilson is smarter than that.  I didn’t get why the fire department would forward the tickets which were clogging the pipes to the police department (the insurance sure, but the cops?) nor can I understand how the police could have lifted House’s fingerprints off them.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but when they dust for prints, aren’t they  essentially matching the oil deposits left by the fingers.  How do those survive being flushed down a toilet?

May 15, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Meteor Man!

Meteor Man written and directed by Robert Townsend.  To be honest, me prefer his Chinatown.  Still, monster surprized me not hate dis movie.  Sure, it all sortz of stoopid and itz hero as interesting as a deli sandwitch named after David Caruso, but it not all bad.  Only mostly bad.

After opening theme muzik dat sound suspishushly like opening to Superman, we introduced to our hero.   Jeff, is quiet skool teacher living in bad nayborhood run by street gang dat look like MC Hammer back-up dancers.  Dey led by guy who carry slinky around.  Letz call him…

Slinky.

Gang in Michael Jackson’s Beat It video look hard comparison.

Jeff chased by street gang.  He gets away, but den chased by meteor. It aktually fall out of sky and chase him down an alley before crashing into him.  Now dat one determined, spiteful meteor!

Jeff end up at hospital but mirakulously healed.  And he have other superpowerz too: flying, superstrong, x-ray, able to know everyting about a book for turdy sekonds after he touch it! Oh, he also able to understand his dog who sound like robot and give worst performance by talking dog since Maraduke Has de Runs.  Anyway, he fight gang and win!  He tell his mom to keep his superpowerz a sekret, but she so proud, she tell EVERYONE!  Now whole nayborhood know!

Inkluding his good friend who work for CNN.  And de dark side.

Bad guyz come back.  Try to shoot him.  He bullet-proof.  Dey try to run him down.  He fly up onto lamp post and fall down, cause earthquake and giant fissure – dat gets mysteriously fixed and never seen again.

Community decide he have to patrol nayborhood.  Mom make him Meteor Man costume.  Reaktion of his friends and family to his new superpowerz aktually best part of movie.  Everyting else is worst part of movie.

Wonder if Alfred sew Batman’s costume for him?

Meteor Man start his patrol.  Stop crime.  At one point, step into middle of shooout between police and street gang and place peacemaker.  Yep, dey need to put differences aside.  Just because one group believe in law and order and other believe in crime and killing dis not mean dey can’t reach some sort of understanding.  Why can’t cops and criminalz just get along?

BIG BIG scenery-chewing bad guy puts bounty on Jeff.  Gangsters ambush him at skool.  Den, for some reazon, let him go.  But den show up few days later and shoot him up.  Dey drive away but Jeff notice – his hand bleeding.  He getting weaker!

Big big bad guy show up at his apartment building.  Jeff asleep and can’t wake up.  Dog (dat must have some superpowerz of its own) drag Jeff off bed and behind couch.  Big big bad guy break into apartment. Den, Slinky show up.  Dey argue over who should handle Meteor Man.  Den leave.

Dey leave!  He lying right dere!

Community meet.  Dey decide dey have to get Meteor Man to move. He too much trubble.  Jeff sad.  And even sadder when gangsterz show up and beat him.  He losing power.  He too weak.

But homeless Bill Cosby come to de reskue because he also have piece of meteor!  He help Jeff regain power.  But Slinky get powerz too. Fight!  Fight! Fight!  Meteor Man beat him and absorb his powerz. Whole nayborhood show up to help Meteor Man defeat bad guyz.

Nayborhood watch!

Bad guyz arrested by cops and their new friendz, the street gang dey were shooting at earlier in movie.  Cops + street gang = BFF!  And everyone live happily ever after.

Escape maybe whoever get shot in retaliatory drive by shooting in off-screen scene after clozing creditz.

Verdikt: Flashes of humor make dis movie not total waste of time.  But pretty darn close.

Rating: 4 chocolate chippee cookies.

Please diskuss.

Next week movie look partikularly lame.  Enjoy!  Monster know me won’t.

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews Meteor Man, Meteor Man, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club

May 14, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Meteor Man!

Meteor Man written and directed by Robert Townsend.  To be honest, me prefer his Chinatown.  Still, monster surprized me not hate dis movie.  Sure, it all sortz of stoopid and itz hero as interesting as a deli sandwitch named after David Caruso, but it not all bad.  Only mostly bad.

After opening theme muzik dat sound suspishushly like opening to Superman, we introduced to our hero.   Jeff, is quiet skool teacher living in bad nayborhood run by street gang dat look like MC Hammer back-up dancers.  Dey led by guy who carry slinky around.  Letz call him…

Slinky.

Gang in Michael Jackson’s Beat It video look hard comparison.

Jeff chased by street gang.  He gets away, but den chased by meteor. It aktually fall out of sky and chase him down an alley before crashing into him.  Now dat one determined, spiteful meteor!

Jeff end up at hospital but mirakulously healed.  And he have other superpowerz too: flying, superstrong, x-ray, able to know everyting about a book for turdy sekonds after he touch it! Oh, he also able to understand his dog who sound like robot and give worst performance by talking dog since Maraduke Has de Runs.  Anyway, he fight gang and win!  He tell his mom to keep his superpowerz a sekret, but she so proud, she tell EVERYONE!  Now whole nayborhood know!

Inkluding his good friend who work for CNN.  And de dark side.

Bad guyz come back.  Try to shoot him.  He bullet-proof.  Dey try to run him down.  He fly up onto lamp post and fall down, cause earthquake and giant fissure – dat gets mysteriously fixed and never seen again.

Community decide he have to patrol nayborhood.  Mom make him Meteor Man costume.  Reaktion of his friends and family to his new superpowerz aktually best part of movie.  Everyting else is worst part of movie.

Wonder if Alfred sew Batman’s costume for him?

Meteor Man start his patrol.  Stop crime.  At one point, step into middle of shooout between police and street gang and place peacemaker.  Yep, dey need to put differences aside.  Just because one group believe in law and order and other believe in crime and killing dis not mean dey can’t reach some sort of understanding.  Why can’t cops and criminalz just get along?

BIG BIG scenery-chewing bad guy puts bounty on Jeff.  Gangsters ambush him at skool.  Den, for some reazon, let him go.  But den show up few days later and shoot him up.  Dey drive away but Jeff notice – his hand bleeding.  He getting weaker!

Big big bad guy show up at his apartment building.  Jeff asleep and can’t wake up.  Dog (dat must have some superpowerz of its own) drag Jeff off bed and behind couch.  Big big bad guy break into apartment. Den, Slinky show up.  Dey argue over who should handle Meteor Man.  Den leave.

Dey leave!  He lying right dere!

Community meet.  Dey decide dey have to get Meteor Man to move. He too much trubble.  Jeff sad.  And even sadder when gangsterz show up and beat him.  He losing power.  He too weak.

But homeless Bill Cosby come to de reskue because he also have piece of meteor!  He help Jeff regain power.  But Slinky get powerz too. Fight!  Fight! Fight!  Meteor Man beat him and absorb his powerz. Whole nayborhood show up to help Meteor Man defeat bad guyz.

Nayborhood watch!

Bad guyz arrested by cops and their new friendz, the street gang dey were shooting at earlier in movie.  Cops + street gang = BFF!  And everyone live happily ever after.

Escape maybe whoever get shot in retaliatory drive by shooting in off-screen scene after clozing creditz.

Verdikt: Flashes of humor make dis movie not total waste of time.  But pretty darn close.

Rating: 4 chocolate chippee cookies.

Please diskuss.

Next week movie look partikularly lame.  Enjoy!  Monster know me won’t.

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews Meteor Man, Meteor Man, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club

May 14, 2012: The Adventures of Mr. Fix-It! Today’s Episode = DVR Disaster!

A technician came by the house today to swap out my old working-just-fine satellite receivers and DVR’s for new as-yet-untested-but-so-far-really-inconvenient versions of both.  He arrived early, about an hour into the five hour ETA window, stepped inside, took one look at the dogs and asked if I could put them in the other room.  No problem. They are, admittedly, a fearsome looking bunch:

Lulu working on her tan between kills.

Jelly and her jaws of death.

Bubba is so bad that he punishes himself with a corner timeout.

After the swap, the downstairs HD DVR will – I’m told – record high def programming like usual – provided I ever figure out how to set it up.  My home theater equipment is stacked on an unwieldy rack that teeters uncertainly whenever someone pulls it forward to access the cables in the back.  The technician found the whole rack thing too daunting and I assured him I could just call in another technician (aka Lawren Bancroft-Wilson) to drop by and get the job done on his way home from his real job.  Palpably relieved, the guy assured me that it would be a very simple switch.  All I have to do is take out the old DVR, plug the new one in and voila (“voila” apparently being the common tech term for “recalibrate the satellite signal by running something called a check switch, allowing it to run a 38 step update, then inputting a couple of numbers and locking them”).

It was only after he left that I figured out how to slide the heavy rack forward to gain access to the cables in the back.  It was a fairly simple procedure that involved me placing two side bars beneath the rollers, then placing two of my dumbells beneath each to support them.  I slid the rack forward, switched out the DVR’s and voila (“voila” in this case meaning “the sudden realization I had one leftover cable that didn’t seem to fit anywhere”).

I was mentally celebrating my (almost) success when the rollers collapsed beneath the weight of the heavy rack that suddenly pitched forward.  I reached out instinctively, stopping it with my left hand, pivoting on my butt from where I was seated, on the edge of the little alcove that held the t.v., and distributed all of my weight to my right foot, resting on the suddenly wobbly step ladder I’d used to climb up for better vantage.  As the ladder began to give way, I realized I had one of two choices: 1. Shift all of my weight to my left shoulder and give the rack a mighty shove in the hopes that it would buy me the time and restored balance that would allow me to swing my right hand around and right the rack, or 2. Kick away the step ladder and jump to safety while my home theater set-up came crashing down behind me. I opted for the former, delivering a mighty shove, then pivoting and swinging my right hand in, shoving the rack back only a few inches, but just enough to save its precious cargo.  I hopped off the alcove, then readjusted the rack and breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, all that was left to do was turn on the home theater and voila (“voila” being “the frustration felt upon realizing one is unable to get a satellite signal”).  In retrospect, that leftover cable may have been the key.

I’m sure Lawren will figure out when he swings by.

P.S. To those of you who checked out this blog expecting to read Cookie Monster’s review of Meteor Man as part of our Supermovie of the Week Club – apologies.  I received the following email tonight:

“Joe, monster sorry.  Me watch Meteor Man on Sunday and get ready to write review, but go out drinking last nite wit Grover and, on way home, piss off angry marauding baboon family.  Monster spend nite in abandoned hot dog food kart.  Now, me smell like hot dog water, pickles, and spiteful hobo pee (aka hot dog water).  Not complaning. At least not need fur graft for left butt cheek like Grover.  Anyway, me get back to apartment dis morning but diskover Snuffleupagus (who rooming wit monster while his place fumigated) got very sick last nite from eating placenta sliders at new Vegan restaurant on corner of Sesame Street and Blood Alley.  Monster spend all day cleaning.

Apartment still smell like voila.

 

May 13, 2012: Happy Mother’s Day!

I celebrated by being doubly prolific and completing not one but two acts, 25 pages, and hitting the 57 page mark.  I was conservatively gunning for 30 by tomorrow so I’m more than pleased – and, thus, won’t feel at all guilty about going out to dinner and then taking the night off to watch the Survivor finale with Akemi and Ivon.  So, who do you have your money on?  I’m rooting for Sabrina and Chelsea (in that order), with an interest in seeing much-derided Christina upset the apple cart and pull off an improbable win.  If, however, Kim walks away with the title – which seems more than likely – then Survivor: One World will officially become the dullest/most predictable season in Survivor history.

Oh, in addition to writing, I did a fair amount of research today as well. I looked into foiling alarm systems and air traffic control terminology.  I think that, for my next gig, I’d prefer to write for something whose research would be a little less likely to put me on a watch list. Something involving gnomes or ice sculptures or  Japanese maples.  Of course that will be up to one of my future partners in creative crime, Tara Yelland (http://tarayelland.wordpress.com/).  Oops, I’ve said too much.  More on that in the coming weeks.

I’m pleased to report mom loved her Mother’s Day Gift, a box of books of the “Maeve Binchy” variety.  I hope.  She’s a big Maeve Binchy and Rosamunde Pilcher but has already worked her way through their sizable output.  Mom likes inoffensive stories that “finish nice”, like an episode of Murder She Wrote (which she is usually watching whenever I call), so if you’ve got any suggestions, she’d love to hear ‘em.

So, what about the rest of you mothers/people with mothers?  What did you get/give?  Even better: What was the most memorable Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever given/received?  In my case, I’m not sure since I can’t be sure what I got her when.  But, if pressed, I’d have to go with the beautiful new HD t.v.  Five years later, she still hasn’t figured out the remote.

Tagged: Mother's Day, Survivor: One World

May 12, 2012: 2 Acts down, 14 to go! And why not join our Supermovie of the Week Club?

The miniseries I’m presently writing has required a fair amount of research.  Over the past few weeks, my online investigations have covered cyber-terrorism, computer worms and viruses, online anonymity, the NSA (National Security Agency), the FBI, Missile Defense Systems, nuclear power schematics, and the White House administration.  In short, every google search sure to set off alarm bells at intelligence networks monitoring suspicious online activities.  For the record (and ECHELON), I’d just like to say that I’m interested in the aforementioned topics only insofar as they are able to provide me with cool and informative story fodder that, hopefully, will engage viewers and critics alike and not make me prey to physically invasive searches the next time I fly out on vacation.

Two days in and two acts (and 31 pages) completed.  It’s all going according to plan.  In retrospect, I was foolish (aka insane) to think I would be able to write straight through, sixteen days, completing an act a day.  I’m glad my writing partner, Paul, suggested we switch off, just like we used to in the old Stargate days.  When he first floated the idea, in my foolish bravado, I assured him I had no trouble blazing through a first draft and having him follow (think of the time we would save!) but he insisted, pointing out it was only fair.  This way, I’ll get as far as I can and give him what I’ve completed on Monday, take a few days off while he works on the script, and then pick up where he leaves off later in the week.  It’s a tight schedule but, if we can average those 10 pages a day (and, to date, I’m well above the average) we’ll deliver the first draft with enough time to squeeze in one of those after-school specials and an educational interstitial on the dangers of mixing prescription drugs with playing hide and seek anywhere near an abandoned refrigerator.

Given how busy I’m going to be, I’m pleased I can rely on a guest blogger to pick up some of the slack here.  I, of course, refer to Cookie Monster who will be dropping by on Monday when our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes to discuss Meteor Man.  Boy, oh boy.  This looks soooo not good:

Tagged: SuperMovie of the Week Club

May 11, 2012: 15 down, 165 to go!

The plan was to get the first act of the mini-series written today and that’s what I’m going to do – even if it means I’m staying up all night to do it.  I’ve been working all day and have roughly fifteen pages under my belt.  Roughly two more to go and then I’m done.  Until tomorrow when I’ll have to do another 15, and the day after that.  Yep, at this right, I can breeze through a first draft in a mere twelve days straight.

Of course, along the way, I’ll probably become very familiar with the entire contents of my liquor cabinet.

Since you took the time to drop by, how about a mailbag?

Mailbag:

Samantha Padilla writes: “Since you’ve watched “Game of Thrones”, what did you think of Jason Momoa in it?”

Answer: I thought he was terrific as Khal Drogo.  Of course, I’m not surprised.  He was terrific as Ronon Dex.

gforce writes: “Another issue, and one that Survivor shares in spades is the obvious product placements.”

Answer: Yeah, it is getting a bit much.  My favorite bit of product placement came in the final episode of one season of The Amazing Race.  After the winning team is informed they’ve won, Phil says something along the lines of: “Wouldn’t it be great to have your family celebrating with you?”.  The winning team is ecstatic, no doubt believing the show has flown their family down to be with them – only to have Phil whip out and hand them a Sprint phone.  Give ‘em a call.

gforce also writes: “However, the tribal councils have been pretty great and where the real drama starts to appear.”

Answer: True, nothing beats a good blindside – especially when the person blindsided believes someone else is about to get blindsided.  Then cries.

JimFromJersey writes: “Diners, Drive Ins and Dives – Guy is just cool. The wife and I voted for him on his run through The Next Food Network Star.”

Answer: Love him or hate him, he’s a natural in front of the camera and every TNFNS contestant (including winners) since has paled (often painfully) in comparison.

David Kirby writes: “I was able to (finally) take a break from real life and pick up issues 3 & 4 of Dark Matter. I was a very enjoyable run and I hope it gets a series pick up somewhere.”

Answer: Thanks, David.  We’re still in talks and, once we’ve finished up work on the mini-series, I expect Paul and I will be heading to L.A. to start pitching it wide.

Line Noise writes: “Danger 5 – A guilty pleasure. Check out the trailer:

Answer: I already love this show!  I’ve got to track it down as soon as I have the time.

brent writes: “Sons of Anarchy. If you haven’t been watching, you’ve been missing out.”

Answer: Watched the first season last month.

Randomness writes: “How can any of the Japanese audience members be so hyped for such a weird game? I mean, sure watching Americans falling over, over and over again may be amusing to them but come on?”

Answer: They’re hyped for such a weird game because the audience is as fake as the supposed Japanese game show.

Maggiemayday writes: “How do you feel about baked vs, fried donuts? Are they not donuts at all?”

Answer: I’d still consider them donuts, just not very good donuts.

May 10, 2012: Thoughts on t.v.

For a guy who makes his living writing for film and television, I don’t watch a lot of either – certainly nowhere near as much as you guys.  To be perfectly honest, I’d rather just read a good book.  Having said that, there are about a dozen or so shows I do follow.  Some I enjoy, others I’ve lost interest in and will  probably drop after this season.

On the small screen at my place…

THE AMAZING RACE

My buddy Carl used to call this show “the fastest hour on television”. Lately, however, the show seems to have lost a lot of the fun that made it so watchable.  The challenges are becoming a little less original, the contestants a little more predictable, and some of the rules and roadblocks damn annoying if not altogether unfair.  I mean, what’s the point of having these individuals race to catch a ferry if it will only take them to a destination in which they’ll have to wait hours to perform the next task, thereby rewarding stragglers and general incompetence. And then there’s the convenience of “certain aspects of the production” favoring certain teams.  I refer, of course, to the hated “non elimination round” that, curiously, always seems to favor the most colorful and amiable duo in the race.  Season ago, it was the hippies (who went on to win).  This season, it was those lovable country bumpkins Bopper and (Bopper II?).  After coming in last on one leg of the race, I turned to Akemi and said: “This is a non-elimination leg.”  And, sure enough, it was.  Now, I’m not saying the fix is in but, when two weeks later, they came in last again and I predicted “Another non-elimination leg.”, I wasn’t all that surprised to be proven right.  Not even a late visit to Japan where contestants took part in a “Japanese game show” (clearly a version of a “Japanese game show” fabricated for that leg of the race) or a late screw-up by the winning duo could save this lacklustre season. Verdict: WE’RE DONE.

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD

Equally predictable was this season of Survivor where everything has pretty much gone as expected.  It hasn’t helped that this season’s contestants are either gutless or idiots, allowing the two or three players with an iota of intelligence to run the table on them.  It’s reached the point where I can tell who is going to be eliminated by simply seeing how the promo is cut.  For what it’s worth, I’m rooting for Sabrina and, to a lesser extent, Chelsea, but suspect they’ll both be undone by their naiveté.  About the only thing that could redeem this season in my eyes would be a shocking final vote that would see perennially clueless Christina win because nobody saw her as a threat. When all is said and done, it’s all in the hands of the jury.  The bitter, petty, resentful, revenge-minded jury.  The best player doesn’t always win the game.  Ask Russell Hantz.  Although this season has underwhelmed, it was preceded by some great ones so I’m willing to give the show another go.  VERDICT: WE’RE STILL WATCHING.

HOUSE

Speaking of predictable, the House formula usually goes something like this: House handed case which he refuses to accept at first but ends up taking because he is intrigued by some curious element.  His team pursues various diagnostic theories, all of which prove erroneous.  All hope seems lost when – some unconnected word, phrase or thing twigs something in House who comes up with the correct diagnosis and saves the day.  While the medical drama plays out, House and his team deal with personal issues – and this is what makes the show so great.  Yes, the medical narrative pretty much plays out paint by numbers but, in reality, it’s only serves to create a dramatic context for our characters, and it’s these characters that make the show so very watchable.  I love the House character, his relationship with Wilson, and like the team a lot (especially Taub who has really grown on me over this past season). With only two episodes to go, I suspect the series will go out in fine style.  VERDICT: WE’RE DONE – BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT’S DONE.

30 ROCK

Some gags hit the mark, some fall flat, but the rapidfire barrage ensures a hilarious half hour.  BTW – television producers, take note: Live episodes work wonderfully for comedies since their actors are accustomed to improv.  Dramas – not so much.  VERDICT: WE’RE STILL WATCHING.

THE OFFICE

A lot better than most comedies on television, none of which I watch. And I miss Michael Scott.  VERDICT: WE’RE DONE AFTER THIS SEASON.

 SOUTH PARK

Sixteen seasons and still going strong.  Sure, there have been a few hiccups along the way (the movie, any episode involving Terrence and Philip),  but I’m amazed by how its consistency.  Smart, shocking, and hilarious.  VERDICT: WE’RE STILL WATCHING (AKEMI IS A BIG CARTMAN FAN).

BREAKING BAD

Although I didn’t love last season finale quite as much as everyone else, this show nonetheless ranks among my all-time favorites (up there with The Sopranos and Rome).  I’m very much looking forward to the fifth and final season.  I have a feeling it’s not going to be a happy ending for Mr. White.  VERDICT: STILL WATCHING.

GAME OF THRONES

The book is always better and this holds true for Game of Thrones – nevertheless, the series if very, very good.  Like the book series, however, with its myriad storylines and endless characters, there are some arcs that I find absolutely gripping (the politics and power plays at King’s Landing, Arya’s journey, Jon Snow’s adventures with the Black Watch) while others (Daenerys and her dragons, happenings in Westeros, the North, and the Iron Islands) leave me cold.  Still, there’s so much going on in each episode that it never disappoints.  VERDICT: STILL WATCHING.

THE WALKING DEAD

As much as I love the original comic book series, I think I’m zombied out.  Great monster effects and some intriguing scenarios, but for the life of me I don’t understand how a shambling zombie can sweet up on someone.  VERDICT: I’M DONE.

SPARTACUS: VENGEANCE

I tuned into the first season expecting a 300 clone and was pleasantly surprised by the depth of the characters and the storytelling.  The performances were also a strong point, especially that of series lead Andy Whitfield who, sadly, passed away just as he was gaining some well-deserved international praise.  I checked out the miniseries, Gods of the Arena, with a certain amount of trepidation brought on by the usual negative feelings I harbor for prequels.  Like the first season, however, I was quickly won over.  How has the show’s second season fared in comparison?  To be honest, I don’t know.  My DVR screwed up and I have all but episode 2 recorded.  And until it airs again – or I am able to track it down online – I’ll have to reserve judgement.  On the bright side, I can, apparently, buy the soundtrack from iTunes.

 IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

At first, I was on the fence because I felt some of the early storylines were too reminiscent of South Park episode I had seen (although, in all fairness, South Park ended updoing an episode called “Simpsons Already Did It” in which Professor Chaos [aka Butters] laments the fact that every nefarious idea he comes up with has already been done on The Simpsons).  But, like most shows, once you settle in and get to know and like the characters, you’re along for the ride.  The show’s two major funny men remind of my former Stargate co-workers Damian Kindler and Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, so every time I watch the show I feel like I’m getting together with old friends.  VERDICT: STILL WATCHING.

TOP CHEF

I watch a fair amount of Food Network.  Not religiously.  It just happens to be on all the time as background so the dogs don’t miss us too much when we go out.  But if there’s one show we never miss, it’s Top Chef, the best of the competitive cooking shows.  VERDICT: WE’RE STILL WATCHING.

CHUCK’S DAY OFF

Our favorite cooking show is hosted by Chuck Hughes, a native of my hometown, Montreal.  Port braised lamb shanks, peanut butter and jelly foie gras, bone marrow mash, and home made doughnuts – he cooks the type of food I love.  And I can confirm this because I visited his restaurant the last time I was in Montreal.  He’s charming, informative and Akemi finds him all sorts of cute.  VERDICT: WE’RE STILL WATCHING.

And you?