Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 494

June 25, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Phantom!

Or, like me prefer to call it: Purple Unitardo and de Temple of Doom!

Stop Monster if you heard dis one before.  A boy’s parents are murdered.  He train hard and become a superhero to fight evil.  He very wealthy.  Have trusty servant.  He operate out of a cave.  His superhero persona a mysterious figure, de stuff of legend and whispered rumors.  Guess who?  Dats right!  Batman.  The Shadow. The Phantom!  Seriously.  How hard it be to come up wit an original origin?

So broody-moody.  And purpley.

Dis movie a mashup of Batman and de Indiana Jones movies wit a good villain and some fun aktion.  But it have one major flaw = a hero running around in a PURPLE UNITARD!  And monster sorry to say it never recover from dat.  A PURPLE UNITARD!

Movie begin wit our hero, The Phantom, skrewing up by letting a bad guy (Quill) get away wit a magik skull.  He very upset and return to his batcave skull cave to brood, walk around shirtless, and talk to ghost of his dead father.

Fortunately, he have Ghost Dad for company.

Back in New York, villainous businessman, Drax, take possession of magik skull.  He only need two more magik skulls to complete de set! Lovely!

Wit a name like Drax, he destined for a life in supervillainy.

Kit Walker, aka The Phantom, travel to New York where he reunited wit his ex-girlfriend, Diana, who he happen to save from sexy pirates earlier in de movie (in extraneous filler sewkwence involving female fisticuffs, a jump from a crop duster, and a dog telling a horse to go give Phantom a lift).  Dey visit a museum and – Hey, whaddya know! – diskover de sekond skull on display.  Kit go to take it but ambushed by Drax and his men who grab it for demselves and diskover location of turd magik skull…on Pirate Island!

For de villain dat has everyting: matching power skulls.

Drax take Kit and Diana back to his place.  Kit eskape and change into his ridikulous costume.  Bad guys get away wit magik skulls and Diana – while Phantom is chased around town by cops.  Why cops case him?  Becuz he running around in A PURPLE UNITARD!

Phantom give Diana a pearl necklace.  She toss him a nice salad and den dey both have dinner beneath de bridge.  So romantic!

Phantom catch up wit Drax and co. on Pirate Island where Drax get his hands on turd magik skull.  But dis make pirates angry.  Big fight! Pirate captain swim wit de sharks. Quill disintegrated by power of de magik skulls. BUT turn out Phantom have a fourth magik skull on his ring!  Powers of de magik skulls battle and Phantom’s is stronger.  Drax disintegrated.  Den, Phantom catch a ride on a passing submarine to safety.

Movie end wit Phantom revealing his sekret identity to Diana.  He really…Kit Walker!  But she already knew dat.

Verdikt: PURPLE UNITARD!

Rating: 4 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Next week, fourth time’s de charm for de Bat franchise?

June 24, 2012: Unfriendly Vancouverites, Kulinarya and Greek Fest!

According to a recent article, Vancouver may be a beautiful place to live, but it aint exactly the friendliest of cities.  Apparently, it’s not easy to make friends here because Vancouverites tend to be aloof, cliquey, and not all that inclined to welcome newcomers into their established social circles.  Truth be told, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this complaint so the article wasn’t all that surprising.  However, I can’t complain.  I found it fairly easy to make friends when I first moved to Vancouver and, even today, have no problem striking up conversations with complete strangers.  My advice to those looking to make new social connections?  Get a dog.

In my first few months in the city, I made a number of friends at the local dog park I used to frequent with Jelly.  Many of those friendships have faded but a few remain strong to this day.  Take my buddies Errol and Janice for instance.  Despite the fact that they moved to Toronto, and then moved back to Vancouver when I moved to Toronto, we’ve still remained good friends.  The dogs may have brought us together but nowadays it’s food that keeps us connected.

Today, it was my turn to trek on over to their turf – lovely Coquitlam – for top-notch Filipino cuisine at Kulinarya…

Lunch is ready. Come on in!

Errol is the expert, so we let him call the shots.

Akemi and Janice ready to chow down.

Iniha na Pusit: Grilled, stuffed squid. Delightfully tender. And tasty. This was one of Akemi’s faves.

Prawns and veggies in tamarind soup. The tamarind lent it a nice, subtle sourness.

The Crispy Pata: Deep fried pork leg served with special sauce. This one was my favorite.

Sizzling Sissing. Another one of my all-time favorites. It’s comprised of crispy minced pork, ear, and liver, served sizzling and, occasionally, topped with an egg.

And a bowl of crispy pork-studded Bagoong Rice with a little kick of shrimp paste.

Special mention should be made of this sour/peppery sauce that Akemi was eating by the spoonful.

And the Halo Halo for dessert: shaved ice, evaporated milk, beans, sugar palm, coconut, jackfruti, tapioca, sweet potato, leche flan, and purple yam ice cream. More or less.

It was a great meal.  Akemi and I were absolutely stuffed.  So we worked off lunch by heading back home, picking up Lulu, and taking her for a walk through Greek Fest:

Quite the crowd.

Akemi runs into some friends.

Lulu was, as usual, all sorts of popular. Whenever someone would so much as “Oooh”, she would dart over, park herself in front of them and stare up until they pet her. But being an attention hog is hard work, especially on sunny days. Thirty minutes in and she was exhausted.

Tomorrow, I begin the rewrite of the horror script!

Finish up The Phantom.  Cookie Monster will have his review tomorrow.  And then, on Tuesday, we continue our trip down SGA memory lane as we begin our reminiscences of Stargate: Atlantis’s second season!

June 23, 2012: No fish taco for you! And Preparing Sea Urchin at Home!

Today, Akemi and I took drive down to Steveston Village.  For those of you who don’t know (and, really, given what loyal fans you are, I imagine that number is very small), Steveston was the location we used to for the SG-1 episode Nightwalkers.  And I’m sure we weren’t the first production to make use of its small town look. The place has a quaintness about it that suggests downhome comfort, old time values and, of course, alien invasion.

Anyway, on this day, no alien invasion.  And sadly, no fish taco for me either.  I had a hankering for a snack (to fill that post-lunch, pre-dinner stretch) so I walked down to Pajo’s, a little shack on the water that serves fish ‘n chip, burgers, and various seafood treats.  I stepped up to the counter and waited while the young lady across the way oversaw the assembly of a large take-out order.  The kitchen was buzzing with youthful energy as the staff floured, deep-fried, and served up the orders.  I waited.  ”Seventy-three!”she shouted, handing off the order and then, before I could place an order for a fish taco (I’d decided to go with the halibut), turned her back to me and continued to oversee the action in the kitchen.  I waited.  She watched.  I waited. She watched. Then, she received another order, set it down on the counter and shouted “Seventy-two!”.  Customer #72 picked up his food and, as I prepared to order my fish taco, the young lady again turned her back to me.  But rather than oversee the action in the kitchen, she had far more pressing concerns.  Namely, she had to chat with another young lady who was casually spooning mayonnaise out of an enormous plastic container.  I pulled out a twenty (money talks, I figured), leaned forward, and waited.  She turned – “Seventy-one!” – and, before I could utter a word, she’d turned her back to me and was overseeing the action in the kitchen once again.

Ah, the luxury of being so busy you can’t be bothered to provide fair to middling customer service.  Good for them.

Pajo’s. Their motto is : We’ll get to you when we get to you. Maybe.

By this point, I’d lost my appetite for Pajo’s fish tacos, and Pajos in general, and so we headed over the the wharf to check out the fresh fish the boats had brought in that day.

We were walking around, perusing the fresh fish and seafood, when we came upon these delectable little treasures:

Sea urchins!

If you’ve ever had them before, you can be excused for considering them – well, mighty disgusting.  The fact is, the sea urchin that is served at most Japanese restaurants is often packaged and tastes very different from its fresh, live counterpart.  Most restaurant uni tends to possess a funkiness that my writing partner once described as “redolent of the sea…right by an open sewer main”.  Fresh, live uni, on the other hand, is sweet, creamy, and utterly delicious.  Occasionally, one of Vancouver’s top Japanese restaurants serves up the latter version – at $35 a pop.  Or, if you’re lucky, you can snag one at your local fish market for $10 a pop.  OR, you can go to Steveston and pick up three for $10.  Which is exactly what we did.

Got em!

One of the drawbacks of purchasing your own sea urchin is having to clean them yourself.  Fortunately, it’s not an overly complicated process.  Consult the handy chart -

Simple, no?

When we arrived home, I got to work -

Step #1: Put on a pair of gloves, then make a preliminary incision at the soft center of the underside. Cut up, then around in a circular pattern, then remove the shell.

Step #2: Use a small spoon to scoop out the delicate orange gonads (yep, you read correctly) lining the inside walls. The dark liquid and other stuff is undigested seaweed so you’re going to want to avoid it.

Step #3: Rinse in saltwater and set aside for use.

I’ve had sea urchin a number of different ways – sauteed, tempura-style, with pasta – but my favorite is by far the simplest.

Step #4: Serve them on sushi rice. Side of avocado optional.

Sashimi-style is still the best.

Need I remind everyone that our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes on Monday.  Up for discussion: The Phantom (1996).  As always, I’m sure our resident film critic, Cookie Monster, will have plenty to say on the subject.

Finally… 

Hey, PBMom!  Great to hear Patrick is on the mend.

And welcome back Adam (aka Major D. Davis).  Congrats and best of luck at USC!

June 22, 2012: Projects on Deck!

Spinning ideas with Rob, Lulu, and Ivon.

We handed in our second draft of the scifi miniseries the other day, paring it down from a robust 204 pages to a trim 194.  We went through four different titles (including the cryptic Cogito and, my personal favorite, The Apocalypse Engine) before finally settling on the one they’re going with.  For now anyway.  The script is, of course, already in prep as it goes to camera in July and I believe our work on it is done.  Can’t wait to see the finishing product and hearing where it ends up.  In the meantime…

I’m prepping myself for the next pass on my horror script by immersing myself in the horror realm.  I’ve got a stack of movies to screen that will, hopefully, put me in the right frame of mind.  On deck: Wolf Creek, Vinyan, The Nameless, Them, The Devil’s Backbone, Frontieres, and Cold Prey.  As much as possible, I’m focusing on foreign horror films.  If you’ve got any suggestions, I’d love to hear ‘em.

Paul and I will be switching gears to work on a pilot we’ve been hired to write.  There’s already broadcaster interest in the fantasy premise that could be a lot of fun.  We start spinning the creative next week.

Also next week, we’ll be heading into discussions with another party on Dark Matter, my comic book series (which I’ll be promoting at 4:00 p.m., July 14th at the Dark Horse Comics booth at Comic Con so swing on by and say hi!).  The business plan being proposed is a lot more intriguing and, hopefully, I’ll have some good news on the DM front before summer’s end.

In addition to Dark Matter, we’re also shopping another genre (supernatural…ish) pilot that has generated some interest south of the border.  Our agent is suggesting we make plans to head down to L.A. for a couple of days in late July and take some meetings on the pilot – in addition to some of the fabulous series ideas we have are going to come with between now and then.  Maybe a series about loyal scifi fans campaigning to get their favorite cancelled SF series back on the air. Can their dogged and determined efforts succeed in convincing the obstinate studio to resurrect the show?  What do you think?

Speaking of fabulous series ideas, I got together with some of the old Stargate gang today for a creative discussion on a show we’re developing.  Check out the action:

Ivon pitches to Lulu.

Rob pitches to Lulu.

Fed up with pitching to Lulu, Ivon and Paul take a break to check out some hilarious online videos.

Lunch. Akemi has a surprisingly-good-although-it-looks-nothing-like-any-version-I’ve-seen-before gumbo.

June 21, 2012: You’re moving! Where to?

I’ve lived in Vancouver for thirteen (minus a little less than one) great years and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.  I love my home, the city, and the local food scene that boasts the freshest seafood and widest array of Asian cuisine outside of Asia.  Vancouver is beautiful, boasts a thriving film & television industry and, with its innumerable parks, pet shops, and doggy daycares, is a great place to raise your dogs.  Why would I ever want to leave?

Of course, I said the same thing thirteen years ago when I was in Montreal.  Back then, I was quite content living on the city’s West Island, freelancing from home.  And then, an opportunity came along – the possibility of joining the writing staff of and awesome SF series, Stargate: SG-1.  I didn’t know anything about Vancouver but I went where the work was, assuming I’d put in a couple of years and then move back home.  That two year stint turned into a wild twelve year ride and, along the way, I settled in quite nicely.  In time, thoughts of moving back to Montreal eventually faded.

Now, Vancouver is my home and, while I won’t discount the possibility of ever moving away, I will say it would take a pretty damn big opportunity to convince me to pack my bags (and toys) and go.  So I was thinking today: What if?  What if that pretty damn big opportunity did present itself elsewhere?  What if the city of Vancouver suddenly passed a strict “no dog” bylaw?  Where else might I consider giving it a go?

TOKYO

If Vancouver was no longer an option and I was offered the opportunity move anywhere of my choosing, Tokyo would top the list.  It’s an incredibly safe, dynamic city, packed full of fascinating people and places, and fairly easy to negotiate thanks to its top-notch subway system. The food is second to none and the customer service is, well, mind-blowing for someone accustomed to the North American “way of doing things”. The only drawback, besides the language, is the fact that work might be a little hard to come by – unless I can land a sweet gig on one of those awesome Japanese gameshows.  Getting the dogs there would be a problem – and then there’s the earthquakes.

L.A.

An obvious choice given my line of work, Los Angeles offers opportunity, excitement, and great restaurants (have you noted a pattern?).  Its urban sprawl does give me pause as does it’s higher crime rate but, on the bright side, its home to a number of friends and former co-workers.

SAN FRANCISCO

A city as beautiful as Vancouver and, I’m guessing, just as expensive to live in.  It also boasts a great, Asian-influenced restaurant scene and a lot of character in its unique neighborhoods.

 SEATTLE

Vancouver’s sister city would be a damn fine choice as well.  It offers much of the same things I love about Vancouver in a less expensive though admittedly more dangerous locale.  Like Vancouver, it’s conveniently located within relatively quick flight distance from some of my regular vacation destinations like Vegas, Tokyo, and Los Angeles.

TORONTO

Surprising, no, given my experience there last year?  The traffic is terrible and the winter brutal, but it’s actually quite lovely in the summer, boasts some terrific restaurants and, provided I could live where I lived in 2011 (smackcab in the heart of the entertainment district), a lot of fun.

Honorable mentions: Hawaii (Obvious, I know, but I bet that even I would eventually grow tired of the sun and sand), Montreal (Whenever I go back, it’s like I never left and, while it’s always great to see family and friends, the language politics are incredibly silly and tiresome), New York (Less industry opportunities than L.A. and decidedly more expensive, but vibrant and full of world class restaurants).

What about you?  Where are you living and where would you consider going?  Give me your Top 3 picks and tell me why.

Tagged: Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Tokyo, Toronto, Vancouver

June 20, 2012: Dark Matter (and me!) at Comic Con! Take a breather with Jelly! Winners of the Greatest Mid-Season Two-Parter in Stargate History contest!

Finally booked my hotel for Comic Con next month which means I WON’T be sleeping on the floor of the convention center after all.  On the one hand, it’s nice to know I can look forward to a mattress, a hot shower, and room service cookies and milk, but on the other hand, I was kind of looking forward to being in the thick of things – somewhere between the Sharknaconda booth and the Yosemite Sam memorial display (I didn’t even know he was sick!).  Still, it’s nice to know I’ll be well-rested.  I fly in on Friday the 13th (I didn’t realize until I just typed that), spend the afternoon checking out the con, and then it’s dinner with -

Editor extraordinaire (Swords & Dark Magic, Masked, and many, many more) Lou Anders.

Uber-talented illustrator John Picacio.

And New York Times bestselling author (and present writer of Astonishing X-Men) Marjorie M. Liu

Saturday afternoon (provided I behaved the previous day and will still be permitted on the convention grounds), I’ll be doing a signing for my comic book series, Dark Matter,  from 4:00 – 5:00 p.m. at the Dark Horse booth.  Come on by to say hi, ask me any burning Dark Matter or Stargate-related questions, and have a shot at some Stargate goodies.

Oh, yeah.  Speaking of Stargate goodies, I promised yesterday I would announce the winners of our Greatest Mid-Season Two-Parter in Stargate History contest.

In first place: Atlantis’s first mid-season two-parter, The Storm/The Eye with an impressive 196 votes.

In second place: Atlantis’s third mid-season two-parter, The Return I/The Return II with 130 votes.

In third place: Atlantis’s fourth season mid-season two-parter: This Mortal Coil/Be All My Sins Remember’d with 116 votes.

Since 5 out of the 6 winners were Martin Gero joints, I can only assume the results were somehow skewed by Marty G’s rabid fanbase (I believe I’ve mentioned he is writing/directing/producing a series called the L.A. Complex airing Tuesday nights at 9:00 p.m. on the CW!).

Congratulations to Martin and the rest of the The Storm/The Eye team.  Also, congratulations are in order for the following individuals who have won signed scripts…

The excitement is overwhelming, no?  Relax.  Take a breather with Jelly -

Caught your breath?  Good.  Let’s proceed.

These individuals have won signed copies of the following scripts:

THE STORM

Line Noise

THE EYE

The Perfectly Imperfect One

RESURGENCE

GraemeQ

QUEST I

Deni

Again, congrats to all the winners. I’ll be getting in touch soon to make arrangements.

Now, I’m off to complete the rewrite on the SF miniseries (it goes to camera next month!) and start thinking about my next pass on that horror script.

Tagged: Atlantis, Comic Books, Comic Con, Comics, Dark Horse Comics, Dark Matter, pugs, San Diego Comic Con, science fiction, Science Fiction Television, SF, SF television, SG-1, SGA, SGU, Stargate, Stargate Universe, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1

June 19, 2012: Back scratch! News of note! Reminders, reminders, reminders!

Somebody’s got an itchy back.

I’ll take a couple of days to decompress, do a little work on the miniseries, the horror script, then resume our trip down SGA memory lane with Atlantis’s second season.

Some news of note:

Family struggles to rescue their dog from being euthanized by bureaucrats in Belfast City Council: The Lennox Campaign www.savelennox.co.ukThe Official Lennox Campaign Website

The 6 Creepiest Lies the Food Industry is Feeding You  The kobe beef is self-evident and I’d heard about the salmon, but olive oil?  Honey? Soy sauce?  Really?

What does it mean when a movie gets massively delayed?.  Usually it means it’s so fantastic the studio fears it will overwhelm you with its awesomeness so has adopted a go-slow approach.

Helen Mirren was in Caligula?  Top 10 Embarrassing Movies Made By Legendary Actors

Confused watching Game of Thrones?  Here’s help: 

This blog’s resident film critic, Cookie Monster, asked me to direct you over to the sidebar for a rundown of the upcoming selections in our Supermovie of the Week Club in which we force Cookie to watch superhero-themed movies and review them for this site.  We started back in 1951 with Superman and the Mole-Men and now, we’re working our way through the late 90′s.  In the upcoming weeks we can look forward to such memorable cinematic gems as Batman and Robin, Spawn, Steel, and Mystery Men.  But, first things first.  Here’s a sneak peek at next week’s Supermovie of the Week Club entry, The Phantom:

Catch up on all of Cookie Monster’s film reviews here: Film reviews by resident film criti…

This is your last day to cast your vote (and have a shot at winning a couple of signed scripts) in our Greatest Mid-Season Two-Parter in Stargate History poll:

Take Our Poll

Winners will be announced as part of tomorrow’s entry.

Provided I remember.

June 18, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie!

Most superhero movies me have reviewed so far make monster so angry he want to go back to video store and punch and slap around employee, den kick him in the de grapes.  But dis not de case wit Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.  Instead, me just want to go back and punch and slap.  Not as much grape kicking.  When monster sit down to watch MMPR, me expect weak akting, stoopid plot, terruble dialogue, cheezy speshul effekts, silly costumes, and lame stunts, but me pleasantly surprized.  Stunts pretty good.  Dats about all MMPR have going for it, but it enuf to save Monty (aka video store guy) me working his grapes.

Anyway, after opening Star Wars scroll, movie start wit bunch of kids skydiving for charity (?), den rollerblading thru de city.  Why?  What dis have to do wit anyting?  Not much.

Meanwhile, real story begin when construktion workers unearth giant purple egg.  Wow!  What a great arkeological diskovery!  Soon, de site will be teeming wit scientists and government soldiers and police men! No?  Okay den, scientists and police men!  No?  Some scientists?  How about two security guards wit a lawn chair?

Egg crack and purple bad guy called Ivon Ooze eskape.  For some reason, he speak perfekt colloquial English and just full of gags.  Me tink he possessed by ghost of Jim Carey playing de Riddler.  First ting Ivon do is go to Mighty Morphin sekret headquarters and trash de place.

Luckily, de Mexican robot okay.  Aye-yi-yi-yi!

Kids from beginning of movie (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) go back to HQ and diskover deir boss, de big floating head, now just a pale guy in full body turtleneck lying in frog pond.  Also dey lost deir powers. One of dem say: “We may not have our powers, but we’re still de Power Rangers!”.  Mmmmm, no.  No.  Pretty sure dat you need “power” to be a “Power Ranger”.  Rest of group realize dis and so decide dey have to travel to another planet to get new powers.  How dat work?  Beats monster.  How dey get dere?  Why, by riding a magik rainbow of course!

Faaaabulous!

Soooo, dey ride de magik rainbow (no, really) to another planet where dey meet sexy girl in leather bikini.  None of de boyz have hit puberty yet so not one seem all dat interested in her.

Vavavavoom!  She can impale monster wit her staff anytime! No.  Wait.

She send dem on qwest and before you can say “filler fight scene”, the Rangers have new speshul powers!

Mighty Morphin Karate Kid Ninja Rangers!

Except, for some reazon, dese powers not good enuf.  So dey have to keep qwesting until dey get another bunch of superpowers – and dey’re able to morph again.  [By de way, monster diskover dat "morphin" in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is verb.  All dis time, me using it as adjective - ie. "I want dese mother morphin snakes off dis mother morphin plane!"].

Back on Earth, Ivon Ooze enslave parents with purple ooze and force dem to create giant metal bugs.  Power Rangers ride de magik rainbow back home in nick of time .  Dey fight, each wit deir own crappy toy tie-in mecha-tingie.  Dey save a bunch of irresponsible kids taking a joyride on a monorail.  Finally, dey all join together (what took dem so long?) to create one giant mecha-tingie.  Meanwhile, Ivon Ooze embody other mecha-tingie.

Ninja Megahemmaroid. Or someting like dat.

Space fight ensue!  Mecha-Ivon kicked in de grapes and right into path of comet dat just happens to be flying by.  Ah, coinsidents, de last refuge of writers who suck/too lazy to bother/have better tings to do den come up wit your clever ending so buy de damn toys and shut de F up.

Ivon get blown up.  Huzzah!

Power Rangers return to HQ, but it too late for pale guy.  Or is it?! Power Rangers join hands and use de power of friendship?  Love?  Deus ex machina?  To restore him back to giant head status.  Also, HQ magikally renovated!  And boyz hit puberty.

Verdikt: Movie be faithfully crappy to crappy original t.v. series.  If you go in wit absolutely no expektations, you only be slightly disappointed.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10 cholate chippee cookies.  Movie chock full of cool kick moves monster plan to try out on Monty next time me go to video store.

Check out monster’s other movie reviews here: Film reviews by resident film criti…

Also, Joe ask me to remind everybuddy only two more days to vote for Greatest Stargate mid-season two-parter!

Take Our Poll

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

July 18, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie!

Most superhero movies me have reviewed so far make monster so angry he want to go back to video store and punch and slap around employee, den kick him in the de grapes.  But dis not de case wit Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.  Instead, me just want to go back and punch and slap.  Not as much grape kicking.  When monster sit down to watch MMPR, me expect weak akting, stoopid plot, terruble dialogue, cheezy speshul effekts, silly costumes, and lame stunts, but me pleasantly surprized.  Stunts pretty good.  Dats about all MMPR have going for it, but it enuf to save Monty (aka video store guy) me working his grapes.

Anyway, after opening Star Wars scroll, movie start wit bunch of kids skydiving for charity (?), den rollerblading thru de city.  Why?  What dis have to do wit anyting?  Not much.

Meanwhile, real story begin when construktion workers unearth giant purple egg.  Wow!  What a great arkeological diskovery!  Soon, de site will be teeming wit scientists and government soldiers and police men! No?  Okay den, scientists and police men!  No?  Some scientists?  How about two security guards wit a lawn chair?

Egg crack and purple bad guy called Ivon Ooze eskape.  For some reason, he speak perfekt colloquial English and just full of gags.  Me tink he possessed by ghost of Jim Carey playing de Riddler.  First ting Ivon do is go to Mighty Morphin sekret headquarters and trash de place.

Luckily, de Mexican robot okay.  Aye-yi-yi-yi!

Kids from beginning of movie (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) go back to HQ and diskover deir boss, de big floating head, now just a pale guy in full body turtleneck lying in frog pond.  Also dey lost deir powers. One of dem say: “We may not have our powers, but we’re still de Power Rangers!”.  Mmmmm, no.  No.  Pretty sure dat you need “power” to be a “Power Ranger”.  Rest of group realize dis and so decide dey have to travel to another planet to get new powers.  How dat work?  Beats monster.  How dey get dere?  Why, by riding a magik rainbow of course!

Faaaabulous!

Soooo, dey ride de magik rainbow (no, really) to another planet where dey meet sexy girl in leather bikini.  None of de boyz have hit puberty yet so not one seem all dat interested in her.

Vavavavoom!  She can impale monster wit her staff anytime! No.  Wait.

She send dem on qwest and before you can say “filler fight scene”, the Rangers have new speshul powers!

Mighty Morphin Karate Kid Ninja Rangers!

Except, for some reazon, dese powers not good enuf.  So dey have to keep qwesting until dey get another bunch of superpowers – and dey’re able to morph again.  [By de way, monster diskover dat "morphin" in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is verb.  All dis time, me using it as adjective - ie. "I want dese mother morphin snakes off dis mother morphin plane!"].

Back on Earth, Ivon Ooze enslave parents with purple ooze and force dem to create giant metal bugs.  Power Rangers ride de magik rainbow back home in nick of time .  Dey fight, each wit deir own crappy toy tie-in mecha-tingie.  Dey save a bunch of irresponsible kids taking a joyride on a monorail.  Finally, dey all join together (what took dem so long?) to create one giant mecha-tingie.  Meanwhile, Ivon Ooze embody other mecha-tingie.

Ninja Megahemmaroid. Or someting like dat.

Space fight ensue!  Mecha-Ivon kicked in de grapes and right into path of comet dat just happens to be flying by.  Ah, coinsidents, de last refuge of writers who suck/too lazy to bother/have better tings to do den come up wit your clever ending so buy de damn toys and shut de F up.

Ivon get blown up.  Huzzah!

Power Rangers return to HQ, but it too late for pale guy.  Or is it?! Power Rangers join hands and use de power of friendship?  Love?  Deus ex machina?  To restore him back to giant head status.  Also, HQ magikally renovated!  And boyz hit puberty.

Verdikt: Movie be faithfully crappy to crappy original t.v. series.  If you go in wit absolutely no expektations, you only be slightly disappointed.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10 cholate chippee cookies.  Movie chock full of cool kick moves monster plan to try out on Monty next time me go to video store.

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Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

June 17, 2012: Checking out the new food trucks! Days of Stargate Atlantis Past! Siege I and II!

When Stargate: Atlantis fan (and blog regular) Jeff first told me he’d be in town for business, I offered him a few suggestions on dining locations.  While I would have loved to join him for dinner, his visit happened to coincide with the rewrite on this SF miniseries Paul and I are working on.  It’s a tight turnaround (it goes to camera in about a month!) so I figured I’d be spending quality time with my laptop.  But, as it turned out, I had a window of opportunity when Paul took the script off my hands.  So, the other day, after running some errands, I met up with Jeff for a tour of some of Vancouver’s newest food trucks. Our multi-course lunch went something like this…

Jeff comes bearing gifts. For the dogs.

First course: Salvadoran cuisine: tamales de pollo (pictured) and pasteles. Good but I found them subdued in flavor.

Second course: Perogies. We went with the West Coast version that was stuffed with salmon, topped with caramelized onions and sour cream. We ordered the sausage. BTW – it would seem sausage is code for hot dog.  Tasty – even with the “sausage”.

Hey, it’s Vancouver culinary legend Vikram Vij overseeing operations at his new food truck. His restaurant, Vij’s, by the way, is one of the city’s most popular. It happens to be Bob Picardo’s favorite dining destination whenever he’s in town.

Third course: Inspired Indian cuisine. Spot prawn with coconut masala and basmati rice (pictured) and lamb kebabs. The masala had a nice kick and the lamb was fantastic. Hard to beat this truck.

Fourth course: Bacon. The Piggy Blues: double smoked bacon, grilled mushrooms, creamy blue cheese, caramelized onion mayo, and greens. I suggested we stop by this place so I could try the bacon brownie – then relented and picked up this wrap as well. It was DAMN good!

The bourbon-bacon brownie. Loved it. Adding bacon to desserts has become a bit of a cliche but here it compliments rather than overwhelms, adding a nice smoky touch to the chocolate and bourbon.

Fifth course: macarons. We stopped by Soirette (THE place to go for macarons in Vancouver) and each had a dozen. Among my selected flavors, this Languvulin 16 year old scotch. Wow! It packed a punch.

Nice meeting you, Jeff.  Next time I’m in Chicago, you lead.

Continuing our trip down SGA memory lane, we conclude season one…

SIEGE I (119)

Like most Martin Gero episodes, this one has a nice balance of humor, character development, and arc-driven elements to satisfy the die-hard fan.  The wraith are on their way to Atlantis and, while Sheppard scrambles to find a suitable planet they can relocate to, McKay leads a team to an Ancient weapons outpost in a bid to bring it back online and use it to target one of the three enemy hive ships.  By this point in the season, the McKay/Zelenka rivalry has finally attained the snappy, back-and-forth dynamic that will serve as a model for the ensuing four season’s worth of one-upmanship.  Here, Radek tries to convince Rodney not to risk his unnecessarily, and he does so by playing to his ego.  Rodney, however, turns the tables on Radek and dismisses the obvious concern by needling him.  The subtext is clear.  These two guys are concerned for each other but their egos went let them admit it.

Sheppard has no luck locating a safe haven for the expedition, at one point being chased back to Atlantis by a creature resembling a T-Rex. The fact that we, the audience never get to see the creature was a running gag for a while – so, in SGU’s first season episode, Lost (not so coincidentally written by Martin Gero), a team encounters a dinosaur off-world.  And, this time, you can bet we see it.

At one point, Teyla hits Bates because she is offended by his accusations.  Even Sheppard bristles at the suggestion that Teyla may have been compromised.  And yet, when you think about it, Bates has a point.  In fact, he makes it clear – he’s not accusing her of knowingly aiding the wraith.  He’s simply pointing out that, based on past experience, it might be wise to exercise caution.  Teyla may have found his opinion insulting, but it was a sound one and SHE was out of line hitting him – Sheppard just as guilty in not taking his own advice dispensed in the previous episode.  He allows emotion to overrule logic in a potential life or death situation.

In addition to all this, we lose a member of the expedition in shocking fashion, and Atlantis takes in another wraith – who Sheppard nicknames Bob before blowing him away.  It’s dark, yes, and Ford is clearly uncomfortable as John shoots the prisoner but this is Sheppard at his ambiguous best.

SIEGE II (120)

We pick up where the last episode left off.  All hope seems lost.  Weir gives the order to wipe the Ancient database, start the countdown to the self-destruct, and abandon Atlantis when – she receives word that someone is dialing in.  It’s Stargate Command.  And they’re sending reinforcements.  So begins an action-packed season finale whose high points, for me, were its marvelous visuals and “No!  Don’t end it there!” ending.  The friction between Colonel Everett and, well, everyone else makes for interesting drama but the action comes so fast and furious in this episode that there really isn’t opportunity for those quieter, occasionally humorous, character moments that really ground an episode.  For that reason, as much as I like the pacing and pandemonium of this episode, I have to tip my hat to Martin Gero for his work on Siege I.  And, while I’m at it, I mentioned those fantastic battle sequences so a big “Thanks again!” to VFX Supervisor Mark Savela and the rest of the VFX team for their amazing ability to outdo themselves year after year.

Finally, I love a good cliffhanger (provided there’s an opportunity to come back and finish things off) and this one was a beauty.  I could well imagine the collective sigh of frustration when the end credits came up onscreen and viewers at home realized they would have to tune in…next season.

And so ends my reminiscing on Atlantis’s first season.  All all, a pretty solid season.  Any first season of any series is going to have the occasional dud episode (I’ve termed this “The Emancipation Effect”) but, aside from Sanctuary, I have to say Atlantis was fairly good in that respect.  There were a few episodes that while enjoyable, still prove somewhat problematic for me on some levels (mainly because I’m wearing my writer/producer hat when I watch them).  But these episodes are far outweighed by the standouts.  In my mind: Rising I and II, Poisoning the Well, The Storm, The Eye, The Defiant One, Before I Sleep, and Siege I.

So, what do you all think?  Which episodes stood out for you in SGA’s first season?

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Finally, Cookie Monster would like to remind everyone that the Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes tomorrow when we’ll be discussing Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie.  Here’s a little something to whet your appetite.

You can check out all of Cookie Monster’s movie reviews here: Film reviews by resident film critic Cookie Monster

Tagged: Atlantis, SGA, Stargate, Stargate: Atlantis, superhero movies, SuperMovie of the Week Club