Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 500

June 5, 2012: Bad dining karma!

I believe the food gods are trying to tell me something.  Lately, my dinner outings have varied from middling to highly disappointing. Several of my formerly dependable favorites have failed me.  Still, I held out hope that some of my old standbys would come through and deliver the positive dining experience I desperately needed.  And so, yesterday, after dropping Akemi off at her class, I decided to venture out for a solo lunch.  The service was terrific.  The food…fantastic.  I enjoyed a platter of lamb ribs.  Lamb ribs!  Hell, the last time I sat down to lamb ribs was years ago when the Memphis Barbecue House used to prepare them on the rare occasion – so rare, in fact, that, back then, I was on what I called “the lamb rib hotline”.  Whenever I got the call, I would drop whatever I was doing to drive down and pick up a rack before they sold out.  They were delicious.  And, yesterday’s platter was equally great.  As I sat back, satisfied, I eyed the lone rib sitting on my plate.  It seemed a shame to let it go to waste.  I picked it up, stripped it clean and, as I was finishing up the last bite – CRUNCH!  Lamb bone met tooth – and lamb bone won.

I went to the bathroom to check and, sure enough, one of my teeth was broken.  Fortunately, it was a molar and not one of the front teeth, the loss of which would have seen me walking around town sporting a gap-tooth hillbilly grin.  And, fortunately, my dentist had an opening that afternoon.

Yes, I think the food gods are clearly trying to tell me something: “Eat at home!”  Which is what I plan to do – after tonight because I already have dinner reservations.   My recent outings have graduated from bad food to bad service to injury.  What’s next?  Am I going to eat a toxic mushroom?  Bleed out on account of a mussel shard?  Choke on a fazzoletti?   I don’t mind telling you that I’m VERY nervous.

I should just go back to the days when Akemi used to cook for me, preparing those adorable bento boxes with the peanut butter bears and egg yolk chicks.  Though, given my luck of late, the bento boxes would more than likely run along the lines of something like this:

Or maybe I should just stick to chocolate.  My new fave chocolate shop, Beta 5 (http://shop.beta5chocolates.com/), has been pretty damn consistent in its sweet, sweet offerings.  The other day, Akemi and I dropped by and picked up a new-for-June banana split chocolate bar (containing chocolate, banana, and cherries), and a “box of rocks” -

A collection of aerated chocolate rocks in 45% milk and 72% dark chocolate.

I figured we’d start with a box and come back for more next week when we were done.  As it turns out, we were done by the time I pulled into my garage.

Finally – received a text message from my buddy, Ivon, the other day. “Perogie food truck,”he wrote.  ”1o different kinds like “Thai curry” and “classic”.  That’s a money maker!”  and “It would rule the food truck wars.”  ”Holy Perogy,”I texted back.  ”Love the name,”he replied. “No,”I texted back.  ”That’s the name of the Perogie food truck in Vancouver. It exists.”

Hey! They used a time machine to go forward in time and steal Ivon’s food truck idea!

Oh well.

Tagged: Beta 5, Chocolate, Vancouver chocolate shops

June 4, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Shadow!

Who knows what evil lurk in de hearts of men?  De Shadow knows!

How he know?  Search monster.  Me having hard enough time trying to make sense of dis movie.

De Shadow remind monster of De Rocketeer.  Both great-looking period movies with terrifik costumes and set dezign.  But while Rocketeer skript flat and simple , dis skript a little too out dere for it’s own good.  It full of weird magic,  mind control and mind reading, esoterik concepts dat don’t seem to follow any internal logik and just make whole movie feel so unreal it very diffikult to connect wit charakters on any level.

Movie start in China where audience find Jack from Turdy Rock doing great imitation of Trent Reznor.  He a very bad man.  But he get kidnapped by monk, shamed by crazy magik flying dagger, and told he going to be good now.  Seven years later, we in New York where some gangsters about to kill a witness.  Suddenly, a disembodied voice stops dem.  A shadow – literally!  A shadow! – appear and disappear, scare away gangster and save witness.  Turn out dis shadow is…DE SHADOW!  Yeah.  Not to be confused wit other lesser Shadows.

Lamont’s alter-ego, de Shadow, look a lot like Billy Baldwin.

BUT it turn out De Shadow have alter-ego.  By night he be De Shadow but, by day, he a wealthy playboy…just like Bruce Wayne.  Hmmm.

By night, he be de Shadow, but by day he be millionaire playboy Bruce Way-, uh, monster mean Lamont Cranston.

And he live in a city dat look an awful lot like Gotham City.  Becuz it is! Aka New York in de 30′s.

The streets of Gotham. No, not DAT Gotham. New York City.

His real name Lamont Cranston and not only he be rich and handsum, but he have power of mind control.  One night, at de Cobalt Club, he spot a sexy woman at de next table.  He charm her.  But it turn out…she have powers too.  She can read minds!!!

She smart and pretty. Oh, and she reads minds. Did I mention dat?

Why dis woman can read minds?  Did some other monk give her dese powers?  Is dis really necessary?

MEANWHILE, museum receive strange shipment: silver coffin belonging too…GENGHIS KHAN.  Coffin open up and out steps…GENGHIS KHA-  No.  It be Khan Jr., last descendent of great, great, great grandpa Genghis!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

And he have powers of mind control too!  Wow!  Only ting dis movie missing be magical sorting hat!

Mindreading love interest, Margo, have father/scientist (and, monster suspekt, part-time wizard) who work for War Department.  Khan Jr. use his crazy mind control powers to kidnap father and make him build…pre-atomic bomb atomic bomb!  But Lamont figure dis out by analyzing coin Khan Jr. use to pay him for glass of bourbon.

Whoa, waitaminute.  Why Khan Jr. paying for bourbon wit special coin? Why he so stoopid?

MEANWHILE, Lamont worried dat Margo going to use mind reading power to figure out he De Shadow, so HE use mind control power to make her forget but it not work on her.  But Khan Jr. kidnap Margo and use mind control and it DOES work on her.  She sent to kill de Shadow and almost kill Lamont before spell broken and she realize…he De Shadow!

Scientist-dad’s boss, Tim Curry, lock Shadow in chamber and fill it wit water.  Lamont have to use his mind powers to call Margo to unlock door and save him.  De Shadow realize Khan Jr. going to blow up New York.  Have to stop him!

Da bomb!

He track him down.  Tim Curry try to shoot at shadow on de wall, but de real Shadow not hurt.  Which be kind of strange since, in earlier scene, Shadow gets pinned to wall wit crossbow bolts.  Why crossbow bolts effekt him but bullets don’t?

MEANWHILE, Shadow face off wit Khan Jr.  Margo’s dad snap out of mind control.  He and Margo chase rolling bomb through building in very funny scene.  Father try to defuze bomb but Margo save day by pulling green wire.

Tim Curry just de spice dis movie need.

Meanwhile, Shadow and Khan Jr. still fighting.  Crazy flying magik dagger make another appearance.  It being controlled by Khan Jr. but Shadow use his powerz and gain control of it and kill Khan Jr.  Which leave monster scratching his head.  If Shadow able to take control of dagger, dat mean HIS mind control stronger den Khan Jr.’s.  BUT earlier in movie, Shadow not able to control Margo’s mind but Khan Jr. able to do so no problem.  Dis not make sense.  Why?

MEANWHILE, roll creditz.  DE END.

Verdikt: Movie pull off fantastik magic trick.  It make logik – poof! – disappear!

Rating: 5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.  +1 for sense of humor = 6 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Pleaze diskuss.

Monster would like to remind everyone dat dey can read past monster supermovie reviewz here: Film reviews by resident film criti…

Next week’s movie be Batman Forever featuring the alwayz understated Jim Carey as…De Riddler:

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews The Shadow, superhero movie of the week club, SuperMovie of the Week Club, The Shadow

June 3, 2012: News of note!

Had dinner last night with Steve Barron who is in town to direct the miniseries Paul and I are writing.  Among the projects Steve has in the works is this intriguing hopefully-soon-to-be-series called Slingers:

Thoughts?

Some news of note:

Enjoy your swim!  Swimming Pools Are Public Toilet Bowls for Many: Survey | Healthy …

The medical term is Acute Trumashowitis: ILLNESS: People believe they’re stars of own reality TV programs…

14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People.  This one’s my fave:

Eminem loves Alf. And birthday cake!

Would you like some wood pulp with that pancake?  No?  Too bad.  The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry is Feeding You

Tough love! Man abandons daughter over bad grades

Remember to finish up watching The Shadow.  Tomorrow, guest reviewer, Cookie Monster, weighs in with his thoughts when our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes!  You can brush up on past reviews here: Film reviews by resident film criti…

June 2, 2012: Lifely Updates! The miniseries, the horror script, travel plans torpedoed, selling my car, Akemi’s corn soup, Jelly, and The Shadow!

Having finished a rough first draft of our four hour, sixteen act near-future miniseries, I’ve moved on to reading and reviewing Paul’s work on Part I (a robust 108 pages.  I have to admit, he’s done a might fine job on the rewrite, pulling everything together into a nice, tight, suspense-filled seat-of-your-pants narrative.  I have all of four notes concerning 1. His use of the term “raw deal” in relation to one character’s backstory, 2) Use of the term “flying” in a subsequent scene, 3) Some necessary elaboration on the accessing of information available online, and 4) I’m not so sure about Pokemon.  Aside from that, it’s great.  I’ll set it aside for a couple of days, and then go over it one more time with an eye to punching up the dialogue.  Tonight, we take a break to have dinner with the director who has flown in to Vancouver to begin prep on the miniseries which shoots sometime in July.

Once our work is done on the miniseries (in a couple of weeks), I guess I’ll be shifting gears to that rewrite of my horror script.  I’ve been asked to compress some of the build-up in the first 65 pages and get to the All-Hell-Breaks-Loose twist a little sooner.  A little more stalk and suspense in the late second act and through the third act is what a couple of readers have requested.

There’s also a comedy pilot I’ve been meaning to finish up work on, but I’m not sure where that will fill in my up-in-the-air schedule.  I was hoping to go away in June (Hawaii!), and then visit Montreal and San Diego (Comic Con) in July, but my dog-sitter’s availability may deep-six those plans.  I may be able to squeeze in a Vegas getaway at the end of July, but another trip to Europe to attend the wedding of some dear friends (Berlin, Paris, and Madrid) may also have to be scuttled.  On the bright side, Vancouver IS beautiful in the summer.

With a break in my schedule, I finally got around to asking my vet to write me a letter of reference for the Seattle Pug Rescue.  I’m considering adopting an elderly pug (or two) and they, evidently, want to make certain I’ll be able to provide the pooches with a good home. Anyway, my vet wrote a terrific letter that ended with: “His care is so fantastic that I hope to be reincarnated as one of his pets!”.  Stellar.

I’ve got to get around to selling my car.  Ivon suggests craigslist and I suppose that’s the way I’ll end up going but, to be honest, it just seems like such a pain in the ass.  How many kooks (or worse) am I going to have to wade through before making the sale?

As we head into the summer season, various farmer’s markets start popping up around the city offering the sort of fresh fruit and vegetables you’ll be hard-pressed to find at your local supermarket. The other day, we picked up some fresh corn and Akemi made a wonderful soup.

Boil the corn in salted water. Puree with some of the boiling water. Chill. Strain.

And serve! Dollop of foamed milk and sprinkle of paprika optional.

Dense, sweet, and delicious.  It made me nostalgic for the fantastic corn soup Chef Belcham used to make at Fuel/Refuel.

For some reason, the usually spry Bubba has slowed down in the last couple of weeks.  Jelly, meanwhile, keeps chugging along -

Cookie Monster asked me to remind everyone that the Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes this Monday.  Up for discussion and review: The Shadow (1994).  The trailer looks promising:

June 1, 2012: We hit EAT! Vancouver! And then Eat! Vancouver hits us back and takes my wallet.

Today, Akemi and I met up with our friend Sheryl (and her boyfriend West) to check out the first day of the EAT! Vancouver festival, described as “the only consumer food, beverage and cooking festival in Vancouver” and “the ultimate Food Expo”.  These two facts together make me very, very sad.  I’m not saying it was a total waste of time, but I am suggesting your $16 entrance fee could be better spent on lottery tickets.

There were plenty of exhibitors offering free samples of everything from Greek yogurt and olive oil to chocolate and smoothies.  Ultimately, there was nothing there you couldn’t find at most high-end grocers but I suppose it’s an opportunity to get the word out about their respect products.  In addition to food, there were other retailers selling dog treats, kitchen products, and information on travel to Louisiana, Mexico, and the Philippines. There was also a separate booze section that was a little more interesting.

In terms of entertainment, we were treated to some sort of Chef Off on the big stage featuring some Food Network personalities, and a barista competition that was difficult to watch given the angle of the seating and the fact that most of the baristas worked with their backs to the audience.  A big screen offered a live feed of the action but, unfortunately, the bright lights pretty much blew out the picture so it was near impossible to make out what was going on.

As for the food – the main draw – there were some two dozen food stands, mainly local restaurants, selling 2-3 bite-sized portions of fairly unremarkable plates: quite a few mini burgers, some tacos, desserts.

Akemi in happier times (aka before we forked over our $32 to gain entrance to EAT! Vancouver).

We lose Sheryl and West at the cheese seminar. Apparently, they failed their finals.

The high point of the afternoon was meeting blog regular, JYS, who recognized me (I actually think it was Akemi he recognized) and stopped to chat. He gave me a tip on some great macarons and I thanked him by promising to visit the restaurant where he works and being hyper-critical about my meal.

While we were talking, an elderly woman stumbled over a pocket of cables and took a tumble right behind us.  Then, seconds later, another elderly woman tripped but managed to steady herself before eating carpet.  I suggested we step aside or risk being taken out at the knees.

Even the chocolate-peanut butter mousse was a disappointment. I mean, come on! The chocolate-peanut butter mousse!

On the way out, I stopped to snap some photos of the melon art at one of the Thai restaurant booths:

Too pretty to eat.  At least that’s what they said when I tried to eat it.

As it turned out, EAT! Vancouver wasn’t a total waste of my time.  I ended up buying two bottles of some lovely flavored oils:

Once you factor in their purchase price, the entrance fee, and the cost of parking, they came out to roughly $35 a bottle.

I’ll have to be sure to use them sparingly.

Mailbag:

Yates writes: “I’ll be at SDCC selling my wares – booth 1335, look for the guy with all the colorful puzzles – It would be great to say hello!”

Answer: I’ll track you down!

DP writes: “Here you go: the list of words to avoid to supposedly keep the Department of Homeland Security from cyber-stalking you.”

Answer: Yep, pretty much covered all of them while researching this miniseries.

Tam Dixon writes: “I thought prawns were just big shrimp? I’ve never seen them prepared like that.”

Answer: Went out for sushi last night.  Look at what they served us with our spot prawn aburi…

KEK writes: “The stuff done on BSG was groundbreaking, not even surpassed in SGU. The stuff we’ve seen on Stargate is relatively generic by comparison, with nothing really setting it apart too much from Trek or even Dr Who.”

Answer: The second sentence receives a huge ?????!!!! from me.  As for the first part  - yes, BSG did amazing things with, as you pointed out, a significantly bigger budget, but the aliens our VFX team created for episodes like Space and Awakening were second to none.

Debra writes: “Speaking of your guys, did I miss an update on the older adoption pair you wanted?”

Answer: Nope.  I’ve been busy working on this miniseries and wanted to go away for a little vacation before adopting.

Line Noise writes: “I’m curious about the origins of this mini series.  Was it an idea that you and Paul had on the shelf that your agent was shopping around? Or were you approached out of the blue by the producers?”

Answer: The latter.

Line Noise also writes: “If the latter, how much of the story was already decided by the producers before you started writing? Were you tightly constrained by certain elements or did you have free reign?”

Answer: They came to us with several concepts and there was one that particularly appealed to us.  They had some suggestions for the opening and potential dramatic developments but we were otherwise given free rein in building the story.  We broke the 16 act narrative over the course of a week, received notes on the outline, and started work on the script soon after.

Line Noise also writes: “How much interaction do you have with the producers during the writing process? Are you sending them regular drafts and receiving notes?”

Answer: As I said, we received notes at the outline stage.  We’ll receive our next round of notes after delivery of the first draft.  And then, depending on how tight the prep schedule, probably one last set of notes on the second draft.

Line Noise also writes: “I’m just intrigued because if cameras roll in July the producers must be pretty confident they’re going to get what they want from you.”

Answer: The outline was fairly detailed, breaking down every scene and beat in each act of the four hour event, so there won’t be any surprises at the script stage.  There will no doubt be notes, but they won’t be of the “I think the end of act 4 should be the end of act 2″ variety.

Ponytail writes: “I’m wondering if when you reflect back on your Stargate days, if the problems you had with production or people involved don’t seem so bad anymore, and you recognize it was all just a part of the process?”

Answer: Stargate was such a well-oiled machine that there were few if any big problems to deal with.  Sure, there were some minor hiccups along the way typical of any production – scheduling conflicts, disagreements on creative or other matters – but those were issues quickly addressed and just as quickly forgotten.  We had a show to produce!

mike mcginnis writes: “Two quick questions
1. can please do an SGA trip down memory lane?
2. if you get shanks to answer questions, could you also ask hewlett to stop by at one point and maybe flanigan?”

Answer: 1. Yes, eventually.  2. David’s web presence is bigger than mine and has made himself very accessible to fandom!  Having him do a Q&A here would be redundant.

May 31, 2012: My fried crispy prawn head recipe!

Done and done.  Sort of.  I finally finished the first rough draft of the miniseries.  Now, I switch off and go over the first part which Paul has been revising and rewriting.  I think it’s coming along quite nicely – a suspenseful, near-future four hour television event.  They’re looking to go to camera in July which, on the one hand, means the turnaround on the rewrite is also going to be tight, but on the other hand means that our work will be complete by July.  As much as I enjoy producing, I like the fact that we were basically hired guns on this one.  We write the script and then go on our merry way.  I was hoping “all the way to Hawaii” but it looks like our dog-sitter is fully booked so I’m going to have to hold off on any trips until July’s Comic Con in San Diego.  Well, that’s the plan anyway.  Anyone else going?  I will, of course, be there to talk Dark Matter in advance of the trade paperback release collecting the first four issues of my comic book series, but if you’d like to chat Stargate, scifi, or my Snow Monkeys’ chances heading into this next fantasy football season, then by all means let’s chat.

I picked up about a dozen fresh spot prawn the other day and, while we were cleaning them, Akemi asked whether I wanted to prepare them head on or head off.  She’s squeamish about certain things (ie. eating a face with beady black eyeballs) and leaned toward tossing the heads which I found altogether unJapanese.  Why, I recall that one of my favorite menu items at a tempura joint in Ginza was its deep-fried prawn heads.  And so, I decided “Why not have the best of both worlds?”.  We decapitated the prawn and I prepared the heads as a side dish.  Like so:

After washing the prawn heads and patting them dry, toss them in flour. You can add some salt, pepper, maybe garlic powder or paprika as well but I’d avoid any herbs or minced garlic that could overcook and turn bitter in the extended frying process.  I was considering using egg or even some soda water, but Akemi advised against it.

Heat some canola oil in a wok (or deep-fryer of your choice) and heat the oil to somewhere between hot and really hot (380 degrees, let’s say?). Pop your prawn in and cook ’til crispy, about five minutes.

Sprinkle with salt and serve.

They were quite good but, of course, nowhere near as good as the ones I enjoyed in Tokyo.  In retrospect, maybe I should’ve gone with the egg and soda water.

Mailbag:

Ponytail writes: “I can’t think of any 70′s show that might have had a “bible”. Can you? Each week was basically anew again.”

Answer: I’m quite certain that whether or not they had a series bible had nothing do with its serialized or stand-alone structure.  SGU, for instance, was somewhat serialized – we knew where we were going – but we were never working off an official “bible”.  We had a series overview and character breakdowns to get us started in addition to the plan creators Brad Wright and Robert Cooper had in mind, but there was never a detailed blueprint for the show that a “series bible” implies.

Michael Carney writes: “Joe: how fleshed-out are series bibles typically before a series begins?”

Answer: It really depends on the show.  Some productions prefer to have a highly detailed bible in place before moving forward on a show while others prefer a less-detailed series overview.  I personally prefer the latter because the more detailed your game plan in the beginning, the more difficult it will be to make changes as a series progresses – and there are always changes.  Somethings work out better than expected while other things don’t work out at all.  Opportunities suddenly present themselves and it’s nice to have the ability to respond in stride and allow the creative to evolve rather than paint yourself into a corner from the get-go.

Michael Carney also writes: “And, in a related question, does a network being pitched a series like SGU or Fringe need details of the story arc and its eventual conclusion before giving the green light?”

Answer: A network will certainly want to know where the show is headed, and see proof of concept in the form of a pilot script, but it won’t need to know the conclusion in order to green light a show.

Ponytail also writes: “Joe those two elder pugs you’re trying to adopt aren’t getting any younger. What is the problem with that organization? They are starting to make me really mad!”

Answer: I’m to blame for the delay.  I’ve been busy working on this miniseries and haven’t had time to gather all the necessary documentation.  I just got a letter reference from my vet and will be forwarding that tomorrow.

Cyn writes: “Do you look back, Joe? Do you look at SGA or SG-1 and say nobody did that like us or we did a hell of a thing? Do you miss it? Will Stargate ever come back, you think?”

Answer: I do reflect back fondly on my Stargate days.  I worked with a great group of people – generous and immensely talented – and really miss the camaraderie and the incredible results of all of our hard work. Nobody did do it like us, especially with regard to our visual effects. Our VFX team, led by the great Mark Savela, was continuously producing viz effects at least a step or two ahead of anything else being done on television at the time.  It’s a damn shame they didn’t receive the recognition they deserved. As for Stargate’s future – I don’t know. It’s a valuable franchise that, someday, will be reborn, probably in the form of a feature.  Whether or not it builds on the mythology and characters developed in its television incarnation is the big question.

JeffW writes: “Any other “must try” restaurants in Gastown? Macarons?”

Answer: Boneta is also a nice restaurant.  Cobre is terrific but, alas, closed until September.  Cartem Donuterie is within walking distance.

May 30, 2012: Checking out the new kid on the block – Fable Restaurant!

Over on 4th, in the spot once occupied by one of my favorite Vancouver restaurants, Refuel (and my absolute favorite Vancouver restaurant, Fuel, before that), a new restaurant has opened its doors. Almost.  The official opening is apparently a couple of weeks off, but lunches and dinners are being served as part of Fable’s soft opening.  Given my disdain for waiting, I decided to go ahead and check it out last night, ever-mindful that the place was probablyy still in the process of working out a few kinks.  Sure enough, there were a few hiccups over the course of our meal but, overall, Fable shows great promise.

The restaurant is the brainchild of Trevor Bird, one of the three remaining chefs competing in this season’s Top Chef Canada finale.  Its farm to table concept (Farm + Table = Fable.  Get it?) is reflected in a menu highlighting local, seasonal ingredients.  Joining Trevor in kitchen is fellow Top Chef competitor Curtis Luk, the master of the macaron, an avowed Stargate fan who dropped by this blog last month to set the record straight (April 22, 2012: Beta 5! A Top Chef contestant checks in! Switching over from horror to mini-series mode!).

Come on in!  It’s (almost officially) open!

The room has been transformed but there are still recognizable elements that made me nostalgic for Refuel.  The wait and kitchen staff, however, are all new.

We walked in and were promptly greeted by Trevor who was overseeing the action (and, on this night, the kitchen would see a lot of it).  After perusing the menu, we elected to leave our respective foodie fates in the hands of the head chef by going with the seven course Chef’s Tasting Menu.  Trevor swung by the table to discuss any food issues we might have  (allergies, vegetarianism, and other similar illnesses).  We informed him he had carte blanche – with one request. We had to try Curtis’s famed macarons for dessert.

Our server was pleasant and informative, checking in on us throughout the meal without being intrusive.  That said, there were a couple of – well, I hesitate to call them snafus.  They were more odd choices. For instance, we ordered bottle water for the table and received two – one for each of us.

Hope you’re thirsty!

Ultimately, not a big deal because Akemi and I like to stay hydrated through our dinners, but certainly unexpected.

On to the meal:

Local and sustainable Sawmill Bay oysters with citrus and vodka mignonette.  Akemi is a huge fan of oysters and loved this little bite.  They’re tiny so, next time, we might consider starting with a dozen. 

Chickpea fritters with curry mayo, pickled red onions and pea shoots.  The combination of the ingredients really made this dish.  The pickled red onions were a genius element.

Canned Tuna.  No, really.  The tuna is poached, then served up – canned – with a pinch of maldon salt and toast.  Sprinkle the salt on top of the tuna, mix, and – bon appetit.  Actually, it was better then bon.  It was one of the best dishes of the night.  As someone who has always considered cooked tuna inferior to raw, I was pleasantly surprised.  Very tasty with a texture akin to a fine pate.

Akemi goes wild over the canned tuna.

Crispy chorizo-topped halibut on clam chowder.  This one had a nice smoky kick compliments of the chorizo, and the halibut (my least favorite fish) was moist and perfectly prepared.  

Pemberton Farms flat iron steak with brocollini, potato fondant, and black pepper jam.  I’m not a big fan of the flat iron cut, preferring the marbling of a good ribeye, but this admittedly tender meat was greatly elevated by the sweet and spicy black pepper jam that accompanied it.  Wow.  That jam was another highlight of the night.  The potato fondant was overseasoned, a little too salty, but that didn’t stop Akemi from finishing mine.   

I asked the waiter about dessert and he told me we would be having the bread pudding along with the macarons (as per our request).  After confirming that we would be served two dishes (a bread pudding and a macaron plate), I went ahead and ordered two extra desserts I’d been eyeing: the lemon pot de creme and the flourless chocolate cake. Moments later, our next course arrived: TWO servings of bread puddings.  Fortunately, I’m a professional when it comes to eating desserts…

The bread pudding with vanilla and rhubarb ice cream.  The bread pudding was unlike any bread pudding I’ve tried before, both in presentation and taste.  It was actually very good!  The rhubarb component offered a tart contrast to the sweetness of the pudding – if you like that sort of thing.  

The lemon pot de creme was excellent.  I was kind of hoping Akemi would have been full by this point, but she had no trouble polishing it off.  Betsu bara as they say in Japan.

The flourless chocolate cake with rhubarb cream.  The only misstep of the night.  I was looking forward to the rich denseness of a true flourless cake but was disappointed by the   alternating layers of white chocolate ganache that reminded me of a buttercream birthday cake. 

And the macarons: lime on the left and dulce de leche on the right.  The former was a little chewy and could have used some tarting up with more of a lime kick but the latter was perfect in flavor and texture.

Akemi and her macaron-burger.

As I said, Fable is still a week or two away from its official opening so I’m sure that it’s still in the process of testing, refining, and perfecting. If I was in charge of fine-tuning, I’d double-check the seasoning, swap out the flat iron cut for a sexier cut, lose that white chocolate ganache and, in the unfortunate event one of my servers broke a glass, I’d make sure he apologized to the neighboring table (not us on this night).

Overall though, this restaurant holds a lot of promise.  I look forward to checking out its lunch offerings sometime next week.  After Trevor, no doubt, wins the Top Chef title.

Tagged: Curtis Luk, Fable, Fable Restaurant, Top Chef Canada, Trevor Bird, Vancouver Restaurants

May 29, 2012: The Bullshititude of Creative Writing Classes!

I know, I know.  It’s not what you want to hear.  Eager young writers would love to know that there’s somewhere they can go, someone they can pay money, to become a better writer.  Well, the sad truth is that no one but you can make you a better writer.  Actually, hang on.  Back up a step.  Let’s start with the basics: You’re either a good writer or you’re not.  No course, seminar, or meaningful input will change that.

Talent aint learned.  Hell, it aint even earned.  It’s innate and develops from passion and a commitment to the craft.  Sure, there are ways to disguise a lack of talent, tart it up like some average-looking porn star transformed into an object of lofty desire by the magic of too much make-up and good lighting.  That’s why so many movies and t.v. shows are utter shit.  Blame the perfect storm of: a) untalented hacks who have managed to charm their way onto a writing gig, b) the inability of the people hiring them to differentiate between a good script and a bad one, and c) an audience’s willingness to settle for crap.  99% of any production’s problems can be addressed at the script stage.  It’s just a matter of finding a scriptwriter able to do the job – and the people willing to let him/her do it.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah: creative writing classes.  When I call them bullshit, I’m not saying they’re a complete waste of time.  If nothing else, they force you to write and, after all, it’s the act of writing that makes you a better writer.  Of course, one could argue that a writer who can’t motivate him or herself to write has no business being a writer, but I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve felt unmotivated.  It usually happens when I’m distracted by something I’d much rather be doing like reading a book, napping, or picking the dog crap off my back lawn.  Writing can be hard.  It can be frustrating.  But so are most jobs.  I bet that a lot of office workers would, all things being equal, prefer an extra half hour of lunch to photocopying and collating Herb’s fucking presentation.  So, in that respect, creative writing classes can be worthwhile.  Especially if you’re very lazy.

Now that I think of it, creative writing classes can also help by providing a venue in which to receive  honest feedback on your work – as opposed to the sugarcoated lies your friends or family will feed you. I don’t care if Aunt Mildred loved it, your third act twist is forced and contrived.  And the jaguar attack in the second act is fucking stupid. You need someone to tell you these things.  You need the unvarnished critique that only a disinterested stranger can truly provide.

So, I stand corrected.  They’re not total bullshit.  If you’re lazy and are surrounded by dishonest friends and family members, then you may derive some benefit from a creative writing course.

Seminars, on the other hand – now THEY are total bullshit!

May 28, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews the 1995 Fantastic Four movie!

Dis movie nowhere near fantastic but, all in all, not de worst fan film monster have ever seen.  De skript be cliche and contrived, de akting hokey and over-de-top, and de special effekts soooo cheezy, but you have to remember dat dis movie not made by profeshiunals.  It a produkt of love by group of people wit absolutely no experience making movies and even less money to…wait.  What?  WHAAAAT?!  Dis NOT a fan film?

WHAAAT?!!

Okay, apparently dis a real movie.  Or is it?  It was made for 1.4 million dollars.  Direktor and aktors were told it was real.  But producer only made movie so he would not lose rights to Fantastic Four.  Movie never released and producer went on to make bigger budjet Fantastic Four movie in 2005 (which monster hear be not dat much better).  Dat explain A LOT.

Movie begin wit Reed and Victor, best friends, who decide to harness de power of…COLOSSUS an energy asteroid thingy dat flying by Earth! (Pleaze do not try dis at home!)

Reed and Victor, BFF. Or, as slashers call dem, “Mr. FanDoomStick”.

Experiment not exactly smooooth sailing.  Lab blow up.  Victor badly injured!  Reed go to visit him at hospital but creepy Borat doktors tell him dat Viktor dead.

BUT it turn dey not just your run-of-de-mill creepy Borat doktors. Viktor still alive and dey kidnap him!  Why?  Who are dey?  Audience never find out.  Mebbe we have to wait for direktor’s cut.

Ten years later, Reed and his buddy pilot Ben plan to fly into space and harness power of…COLOSSUS!  (Please do not try dis at home!)  On way to outerspace, dey drop by home of friends Sue and Johnny Storm and invite dem to join.  Why?  Sure, dey may not have proper astronaut training, but Reed not want to make dem feel left out.  Even tho he not seen dem in 10 years!

Check out de low rent Freddy Kreuger.

Meanwhile, really lame charakter called De Jeweler (who live underground wit fellow hobos who akt like dey in a children’s theater produktion of Oliver Twist), fall in love wit blind sculptor, Alicia, who in love with Ben after he bump into her, destroy her art, den lift her up off her feet and proklaim: “You’re safe wit me!”.  What a douche.  Jeweler decide to steal a diamond for her, de biggest diamond he know – which happen to be what Reed will use in his spaceship to harness de power of…COLOSSUS!  (Did me mention you shouldn’t try dis at home?)  Anyway, diamond kept in high-security laser-protected lab – which, apparently, can be beaten by a good game of hopscotch. Jeweler steal diamond and switch it wit fake.

As a result, space mission not exaktly go as planned.  Ship blow up in space!

Spektacular visual effekt compliments of tin foil and some firecrackers.

Crazy 70′s kaleidoskope effekts!  Somehow, pieces of ship and all four crew members (Reed, Ben, Sue, and Johnny) survive re-entry and all land in de same place.  Turn out dey all have superpowerz! Johnny can make fire!  Reed be stretchy!  Sue can go invisible!  In one of best scenes in movie, military arrive and talking to Reed when Ben show up. Everyone shocked except Ben who, for some reason, not even happen to notice he turned into…A BIG ORANGE ROCK MONSTER!

Johnny have de hot hand. Heh.

Military take dem to lab where goofy doktor examine dem.  Nyuk nyuks ensue.  Thing sit and break chair.  Johnny scare doktor with flame. Sue startle doktor and cause him to stick hisself wit needle.  Reed uses stretchy arm to take needle from doktor.  Ho ho ho!

Can’t wait for de urinalysis.

Fantastic Four (dat what Sue and Johnny’s mom call dem) get suspishus.

De original Orange Crush.

Turn out dey not being held by de military.  Dey being held by Victor who now goes by name of DR. DOOM (me tink he got honorary doctorate from Latveria U) -

Click-click-click-click. “I am Doom. Moohoohahahahahahahahahaha!” Click.

Dr. Doom walk around in metal suit and green robe.  His voice sound like he in a tin can somewhere in de next room (monster guess produktion couldn’t be bothered to bring aktor in for dubbing).  He always tapping his metal fingerz, click-click-click-click-click.  And laughing in good ole’ cheezy superillain fashion: “Moooohoooohahahahahahahahahahaha!”.  At least he have positive attitood.

FF eskape.  Bullets bounce off Thing.  Reed (aka Mr. Fantastik, aka Stretchy Stretcherson) stretch out his leg and trip every soldier running into room. EVERY soldier.  Dey just trip right over his leg and knocked unconscious by fall.

Dr. Doom go to steal diamond from De Jeweler who has kidnapped Alicia to make her his Queen.  Doom’s Doom Trooperz kick ass and take diamond.  Dey also kidnap Alicia, knocking her out wit kloroform(?). We see from Alicia Point of View as she sprayed in face, kloroform take effekt, den tings go all fuzzy and…

Uh, waitaminute.  Isn’t Alicia blind?

Shhhshhhshhhh.

Dr. Doom plan to use diamond to power laser he will use to destroy New York!  He send Reed proof: stock footage of nuclear blast blowing away house.  Fantastic Four go to Doom’s hideout in new outfits Sue sew for dem (Dat a girl!).  But dey get trapped in forcefields!

Reverse force field allows prisoners easy access in AND out!

But not very good forcefields.  For some reason, Reed able to stretch his leg out and kick over laser.  Yep.  Just kick it over.  Explosions!  FF is free!

But laser already fired at New York!  No problem.  Johnny turn into Human Torch and chase it down.  For real.  Laser traveling at SPEED OF LIGHT!  And he still catch up!

At dis point, movie turn into cartoon.  Human Torch save de dey.

Human Torch save de dey, Hanna Barbera style!

Reed chase down Dr. Doom.  Fight!  Doom hanging off building and ask Reed to help him.  Reed reach out – at which point Doom give de old “You don’t have what it take to kill me!” speech.  Doom lose his glove and disappear into de cloudz below.  Cloudz below?!  How high up are dey?!

Hurray!  Johnny save New York from laser!  Reed defeat Dr. Doom! Thing beat up all de Doom Trooperz!  And Sue sewed de nice outfits dey’re wearing.  Dat’s team work!

Happy ending!  Reed and Sue get married.  In deir costumes for some reazon.  Dey get into car and, as dey drive away, Reed stretch out his arm and wave bye bye.

Bye bye, wedding guests! Bye bye, viewers! Bye bye any chance of a sequel!

Whew!  Monster can’t believe he sit thru dis entire movie.  (PLEAZE do not try dis at home!)

Verdikt: If Fantastic Four taught monster anyting, it dat crappy moviez be crappy moviez, but crappy superhero moviez be de crappiest of all! Also, apparently most homeless people be failed Shakespearean aktors.

Rating: 1 chocolate chippee cookie earned by costume department.

Tagged: Cooke Monster, Cookie Monster film review, Cookie Monster Movie Review, Cookie Monster reviews Fantastic Four (1995), superhero films, superhero movies

May 27, 2012: A visit to the Richmond Night Market!

Last weekend, Akemi, Ivon and I checked out the Summer Night Market in Richmond.  This weekend, Akemi, Jessie and I checked out the similarly themed Richmond Night Market.

We arrived a little after 7:00 p.m. and, after winding our way and finding a spot in the massive parking area, walked to the entrance area.  Unlike the Summer Night Market, there’s a $1 admission fee per person.  Unlike the Summer Night Market, however, there are A LOT of varied food stands to choose from.  And, really, when it comes down to it, that’s what it’s all about.

A pictorial rundown of our outing:

We started with some great roti.  You get a choice of three meats (beef, pork, or chicken) that is stuffed into a sweet little pocket.  A little messy but oh so tasty.

An Osaka tradition: the okonomiyaki.  Good but I’ve been spoiled by Akemi’s home made okonomiyaki.

Roasted Pork hocks.  Nicely cooked.  The meat was surprisingly tender, the skin crunchy and a little daunting.  Akemi found it underseasoned.

The ladies show off the pork hock.  Make sure to ask them to cut it up for you!

The bulgogi burger.  Meh.  We were expecting bulgogi meat.  Instead, we got a regular beef patty topped with kimchee and bulgogi sauce (?).  I repeat: meh.

The takoyaki bomb!  Actually, I think it’s called a tenki, but I call it a takoyaki bomb because it’s the size of a tennis ball.  It comes in a variety of intriguing flavors.  I got the curry and was very impressed.  As were Jesse and Akemi who insisted they were full – until they sampled it.

When it comes to deep fried desserts, I always go for the Deep Fried Mars.  Pretty damn sweet – and Akemi kept trying to convince me I’d had enough – after only my first bite!

Mochi ice cream – ice cream covered with a mochi (sticky rice) coating.  The mathca (green tea) was hard and crystalized.  The vanilla was so-so.  But the clear winner – surprise surprise – was the mango.

Even though I was already well into the dessert stage, I couldn’t resist having a Taiwanese sausage.  This one was stuffed with a garlic sauce that was – well, sweet and a little weird.  Also, very garlicky!  So garlicky I regretted getting it – and I’m Italian!  I love garlic!

We capped off our food tour with some churros and ice cream.  The were okay.

Following our eat fest, I suggested we walk around and burn off the calories, secretly hoping we’d work up an appetite in the thirty minutes it would take us to cover the many vendors.  Alas, we stayed full – and didn’t really find much of interest.  As we took our stroll, I made a mental note of the top 3 things I would probably never buy at a night market.  In no particular order: contact lenses, underwear, and sushi. I checked out the dozen or so stalls selling assorted iPhone cases in the hopes of finding one bearing the S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia -

Like so!

Alternately, I would have loved to find one with an A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics) logo -

Like so!

OR a Hydra logo -

Like so!

Alas, no luck.  Akemi and Jessie, meanwhile, had even less luck as they were corralled into a sales pitch and were too polite to immediately extricate themselves -

I considered rescuing them but ultimately thought “Nah”.  This was a powerful lesson on the dangers of stopping at any sales stand if you’re the sole potential customers.

A great time was had by all.  Until we drove out, missed our turn, and then head to double-back, getting caught in a one hour traffic jam to leave Richmond.

And so, now that I’ve had the opportunity to compare the two night markets, I’d like to offer a comparison in very important categories:

LOCATION

Summer Night Market: Easily accessible by car but somewhat harder to get to by public transport.  There’s a bus stop within walking distance and shuttle bus service from the skytrain station.

Richmond Night Market: Equally accessible by car and is easily accessible by the new Canada Line station.  Unfortunately, if you’re driving, traffic is a mess and you should expect long bumper to bumper waits.  Brutal.

EDGE: Summer Night Market.

FOOD

Summer Night Market: Roughly fifty food stands with a lot of repeats.  On my last visited, I counted about five different places selling potatoes-on-a-stick.  Variety would be nice.

Richmond Night Market: About three to four times as many food stands with some incredible variety.

EDGE: Richmond Night Market

VENDORS

Summer Night Market: About a third less of the vendors selling the same bargain-bin items.

Richmond Night Market: More vendors but A LOT of similar items being sold.

EDGE: Let’s call this one a draw.

COST

Summer Night Market: Free.

Richmond Night Market: $1 admission.

EDGE: I’m calling this one a draw.  Unless you’re treating fifty of your closest family members.

WINNER: Richmond Night Market.  Like I said, it’s all about the food. Get there early, 6:00 p.m. to beat the crowd, stuff your face and go.

Tagged: Richmond Night Market, Summer Night Market