Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 504

April 29, 2012: Okonomiyaki 101!

To ensure I don’t fall into a hermit-like existence that may eventually find me bottling my own urine and wearing kleenex boxes as shoes, I’ve decided to make more of an effort to get out, meet new people, and try new things.  As a result, several weeks ago, Akemi and I attended a macaron-making class.  And last night, it was an okonomiyaki-making gathering hosted by a local Japanese-Canadian social group.

For those of you who don’t know, okonomiyaki (sometimes erroneously referred to as “Japanese pizza”) is a savory Japanese pancake containing flour, eggs, cabbage, green onions, grated Japanese mountain potatoes, water, and dashi that is grilled, then topped with an special okonomiyaki sauce, mayo, dried seaweed, and bonito.  Extra ingredients include (but are not limited to): pork, octopus, shrimp, beef, chicken, squid, kimchi, mochi, cheese, veggies, and noodles.

Akemi and I were one of the first to arrive, promptly at 5:00 (per instructions in the email) without our chopsticks (contrary to instructions in the email).  Fortunately, someone brought extras and we were thus able to complete the Osaka experience rather than fake it with a knife and fork.

Some of the ingredients for that night's lesson - although Akemi doesn't really need the instructions. For the record, she makes a pretty terrific okonomiyaki all on her own.

While everyone set up and Akemi helped by chopping vegetables in the tiny kitchen, I stood by and made sure to keep the fire exit clear and unobstructed.

Shaun, the master of ceremonies, knows what he's doing.

The all-important batter, the glue that holds this culinary creation together. It helps that it actually has the consistency of glue.

Shaun demonstrates proper grilling technique.

And...done!

We broke up into groups and made our own versions. I was partial to the cheese/mochi combo.

The flip is really the most challenging part of the process. A bad one can prove disastrous. And very messy.

The finished product is adorned with okonomiyaki sauce and mayo, usually in a cross-hatch pattern to discourage predatory birds.

Akemi shows the gang a thing or two.

For dessert = mochi, those glutinous rice cakes that cause more annual deaths in Japan than fugu poisoning.

Damn. Forgot to snap a pic of the home made chocolate chip cookies Akemi made for the event, so you'll have to settle for her adorable accompanying note.

After last night’s lesson, I feel confident enough to make my own emergency okonomiyaki should the need arrive.

Well, onto the next event!  Last month was macarons.  This month was okonomiyaki.  Next month, Akemi and I attend our first garroting instructional.  Can’t wait!

Mailbag:

Tim Bullock writes: “Joe. did you here about the StarGate reboot to be announced at Com-con this Summer in some from?”

Answer: I’m aware of the project, but “reboot” is the wrong term.  It implies a new film or television series which isn’t the case here.

Tagged: Okonomiyaki

April 28, 2012: Today’s Blog Entry co-starring Robert Picardo as “The Dinner Guest”!

You may recognize him as The Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager, or the officious/annoying/not-so-bad/humorous/ultimately-quite-likable Richard Woolsey from Stargate SG-1/Stargate: Atlantis/Stargate: Universe, or from one of about a 100+ film and television roles.  I refer, of course, to the great Robert Picardo who got into town the other night for some convention (I think it’s a Star Trek thing.  I’m not sure of the details.).  He had a window of opportunity, roughly two hours between two con commitments – the latter being some sort of variety show event during which he’d be showing off his impressive vocal range (Something that was denied him on Atlantis.  Oh, if we’d only gotten that sixth season pick-up!  He’d have been a ringer for that musical episode we were planning).  He suggested dinner somewhere in the neighborhood of the hotel where the convention had put him up. Since the neighborhood is mostly home to recent parolees and out patients of the province’s most notorious mental hospital, I was hard-pressed up to come up with a good restaurant recommendation.

Bob is a fan of ethnic cuisine, Indian in particular, so I solicited the opinions of several foodies at the nearby methadone clinic who suggested a restaurant not too far from the hotel.  All in all, not bad – in comparison to the service that was just plain awful.  We settled in and started catching up.  I was regaling Bob with tales of my fantastic seven months in Toronto when the waitress came by and asked us if we were ready to order.  We told her not yet.  She headed off – and we didn’t see her again for another twenty minutes.  For a while there, I feared something had happened to her.  Perhaps she was in the back, trapped under a fallen refrigerator, too weak to call for help, her life ebbing away.  I was about to call 911 (just to be on the safe side) when I noticed her serving the table behind us.  I tried to catch her attention but she was doing her darndest to ignore me.  I feared we’d offended with that whole “not ready to order yet” thing.  I finally managed to corral the busboy and tried to give him our order.  He assured us our waitress would be right over.  And she eventually was.  We ordered.

The food was okay.  Damn, I miss Toronto’s Babur (one of the very few things I miss about the city).  After our meal, getting the bill proved equally challenging.  Again, our waitress was as elusive as The Jackal.  I thought I spotted her a couple of times, but I couldn’t be sure.  She was like smoke or a shadow or a waitress who had no interest in serving us.

Restaurant aside, it was very nice meal.  The only thing that would have made it even better would have been if Bob’s lovely wife Linda had joined us.  Linda and a change in venue.

Anyway, it was great to catch up with Bob.  We’re going to have to do it again when Akemi and I are in L.A.

Incidentally, Bob provided me with a link to the convention site and I did check it out.  I’ve got to ask: those fans who paid $399 for their ticket – for that price, do you actually get to make love to a Stargate celebrity of your choice?  I’m curious.

April 27, 2012: Akemi’s Birthday Dinner!

This year, I decided to do something a little different for Akemi’s birthday dinner.  Rather than go out for her special meal, I decided to bring the special meal to her.  I hired the services of her fave local chef, Jane Cornborough, and asked her to design a menu especially for Akemi. And so, last night, Jane came to our home and, with the assistance of the super-talented Brooke Pillay, served up an outstanding five course birthday meal…

Chef Jane Cornborough ready for action.

With an assist from Refuel vet Brooke Pillay.

In setting the table, we realize we don't have proper napkins. So we settle for Akemi's back-up napkins - nothing short of lovery.

With all the hustle and bustle going on, perhaps no one was more looking forward to that night's feast than Jelly.

Some of the night's fresh market ingredients included wild ramps and celery leaf.

Who's hungry?

The first guests to arrive: Rob and Hillary.

And completing the guest list: Ivon and Sarah.

Akemi checks out the tea collection, a gift from Rob and Hillary.

And a bouquet from Ivon and Sarah. Akemi doing her best Miss Japan imitation.

Chef Jane whisking up a storm.

Fresh herbs

Lulu anxiously awaits the first course.

Sarah talks study with Akemi. Ivon is clearly dubious about something.

The birthday gal shows off her ichigo napkin.

Porcini Mushroom Soup topped with crispy mushrooms, croutons, chives and olive oil. A fantastic start to the meal. Akemi is a huge fan of mushrooms and you don't get much more flavorful than the wonderful porcini. The crispy mushrooms on top were a nice textural contrast to the creamy soup as were the croutons that found a quick fan in Ivon.

Dungeness Crab Salad with frisse, oxalis, avocado,charred ramps, and pickled mustard seed vinaigrette. Wow! Appearances can be deceiving. This looked like the simplest dish and yet it blew everyone away with its fresh, clean flavors. And that mustard seed vinaigrette...it's all Akemi could talk about.

Cauliflower Risotto with fried cauliflower & puree, parsley, and grano padano. Akemi loves cauliflower and risotto, so Jane came up with this terrific dish. Again, a nice textural contrast between the crispy and the creamy rolled into a whole lot of tasty.

Keeping busy in the kitchen.

Beer Braised Slopping Hill Pork with spring vegetables-fava beans, peas, wild celery, radish, cipollini onions, micro cabbage greens, and jus. Incredibly tender, rich, and luscious.

Ivon's table conversation drives his date to drink.

Rob and Hillary rest up before the dessert course - and humor Ivon.

Akemi's birthday cupcake.

Akemi loves chocolate and is a big fan of the orange blossom truffles at Chocolaterie de la Nouvelle France, so Brooke obliges by serving up Chocolate Cupcakes with orange blossom ganache and butter cream. Delicious.

And, to end the meal, a selection of Enrico Rivera chocolate bombolas (Brooke brought back from her recent trip to Spain) in an assortment of tea flavors: Chinese green tea balls with jasmine flower, Japanese green tea with rice and corn, Chinese black tea with Lapsang Souchang, Smoked Chinese black tea with Candied lemon, and pine-nut and green tea Gunpowder with mint and rose petals.

Brooke and Jane take a bow.

Thanks to Jane and Brooke for a memorable evening.

April 26, 2012: My Top 10 Bookstore Turn-offs!

You’re at your local bookstore, browsing the shelves, when something catches your eye.  Whether it’s an interesting cover or an intriguing blurb or a fantastic review, it’s an unexpected “something” that impels you to buy that particular book.  Being an impulsive shopper, it happens to me all the time and I’ve ended up discovering some wonderful authors this way.  I picked up the first book of Joe Abercrombie’s First Law series (The Blade Itself (The First Law: Book One) because I thought it had a great cover.  I’ve since read all five of Joe’s books (and his short story in the Lou Anders/Jonathan Strahan Swords & Dark Magic compilation: Swords & Dark Magic: The New Sword and Sorcery) and am anxiously awaiting the release of his sixth: Red Country.  I bought The Empire of Ice Cream (The Empire of Ice Cream), Jeffrey Ford’s brilliant collection of fantastic fiction, because I liked the title.  I’ve since read nine of his books (still on the hunt for his first, Vanitas), and am eagerly awaiting the release of his upcoming collection of short fiction (Crackpot Palace: Stories).  John Scalzi, George R. R. Martin, Iain M. Banks, Alastair Reynolds and many more – all discovered as a result of some spontaneous response to (let’s face it) a brilliant bit of marketing.

Of course, it’s a double-edged sword.  A selling point that may convince one person to pick up a title could well convince another to give it a pass.  I was thinking about this today while perusing the New Arrivals section of my favorite book shop on the way to coming up with my list of the Top 10 things most likely to turn me off a book purchase.  Not always, but more often than not.  In no particular order:

1. Unicorns, women in 80′s hairdos wearing flowing low-cut robes, muscular shirtless men, garish colours.  In short – a cheesy cover.

2. “An Oprah’s Book Club Selection”

3. Authors with a single name (the literary world equivalent of a Cher or Bono).

4. “From the mind of…”

5. Any staff recommendation.

6. “First book in the – - – trilogy!”

7. The appearance of the word “inspirational” on either the front cover, back cover, or anywhere within the inside jacket.

8. “Now A Major Motion Picture”

9. “Based on the Popular…”

10. “International Bestseller/National Bestseller/New York Times Best Selling Author”

Tagged: bookstore turn-offs

April 25, 2012: Becoming a No Man

Yeah, I can definitely do this! I think.

Back in the day, Exec. Producer Brad Wright used to say: “Fast is good, but good is better than fast.”  To which then writer/director Peter DeLuise would invariably reply: “GotitgoodisbetterthafastGotit!”. But there was no rush.  Usually.  Stargate was a well-oiled machine, this in no small part due to the writing department’s ability to have a good half-dozen scripts banked before production started on a given season. And, in addition to those banked scripts, there were always a good three or four other scripts in various stages of development as well. But even though we were well-prepared, once production started, those scripts got eaten up mighty quickly.  The show’s writers wore both writer and producer hats, so it was all too easy to get swept up in other aspects of prep and post and, before you knew it, we’d be facing a dreaded scheduling crunch.  Which brings me to another expression I used to hear all the time: “You’ve got to feed the beast” – the beast, of course, a reference to the production’s relentless appetite for new material.  Before you knew it, that comfy six script cushion was gone and you were scrambling to get more scripts completed before those looming concept meetings.  And  yet, despite the challenges, we got it done.  Every year, we managed to write and produce about 20 episodes of television.  Hell, for a couple of years, we even pulled off 40!  How did we do it?  Well, we were well-organized, we had an incredibly supportive creative team, and our schedules, while often tight, were very doable.

Fast is good, but good is better than fast. Also, baked goods are better than fasting.

I’ve come to learn that Stargate was the exception rather than the rule.  We were lucky in many respects, not just in terms of the people we worked with within the production, but the individuals we dealt with on the outside as well.  Our studio, MGM, always had our backs and granted us the creative leeway to get the show done, on time and on budget.  Our network, SyFy, despite some fan criticism to the contrary, demonstrated a passion for good SF, good stories, always making a positive contribution to the creative and production process.

Busy. Intensely so.

Yes, we were very lucky, but I’ve come to believe that you make your own luck.  And you make it, not by saying yes, being incredibly accommodating, bending over backwards to please, but by being realistic – and ruthless if need be.  I’ve learned that working hard against seemingly impossible odds is a sucker bet because once you make that commitment, regardless of how difficult the circumstances, your determined “I’ll try my best” quickly morphs into “I’ll get it done no problem!” to the ears of others.  Suddenly, the entire burden shifts. It’s no longer “us” but “you” and you’d damn well better get the job done because, if you don’t, it’s all on “you”.

Hmmmm. Let me think about that for a minute - NO!

Instead of telling people what they want to hear, you’ve got to tell them what they need to hear.  And, sometimes, what they need to hear is no.  No, that’s not going to work.  No, you’ll never produce the show you have your heart set on with that budget.  No, we can’t complete the script in the time allotted.  No, I won’t work for less even if it is a fantastic project, a terrific opportunity, and you would consider it a personal favor.

Now, on the surface, you would think people don’t like to hear “no” and, on the surface, you may be right.  But here’s something else I’ve come to learn over my many years in the business: People may not like “no”, but they respect it.  ”I tried my best to make you happy” – not so much.

Just a little something to think about as you weigh your next job offer.

Or if you’re planning on making me one.

Tagged: Stargate

April 24, 2012: Recent Eats! Adoption! The L.A. Complex!

Some recent meals…

Porchetta sandwich from Meat & Bread. The pork is spice rubbed and rolled in fennel and rosemary, then roasted to crispy perfection, chopped (along with that crispy skin) and served up hot.

Red Curry Beef sandwich at Meat & Bread, the day's special. Had a terrific sansho-like kick.

Meat & Bread : 370 Cambie Street : Victory Square : Vancouver BC.  As tempted as I was, I decided to take a rain check on the maple-bacon ice cream sandwich.

On the home front…

Fava beans sauteed in chicken stock and roasted garlic.

Crispy roasted Rainbow Trout with olive oil, garlic, and tarragon.

Saikyo miso soup with shitake mushrooms, sweet onions, and sweet potatoes.

My Mexican Ratatouille: Mix jalapenos, serrano peppers, cubed eggplant, tomatillos, red tomato, shallots, and garlic in olive oil, thyme salt, and a dash of sugar. Pop them in the oven on broil.

Once done, strip the seeds out of the roasted peppers (or the leave them in if you like it spicy), toss in a cubed avocado, mix and serve. Sweet, sour, spicy and delicious.

Cold chocolate: milk, cream, chocolate.

Heard from the Seattle Pug Rescue today.  They informed me that since it was impossible for them to do a home check on me, they would require photos of my house along with a letter of reference from my vet.  And, if I do end up being approved for adoption, I will have to make the trip to Seattle to pick up my pug since they do not ship their pugs.  All perfectly understandable.  I’ll snap some pics of the front and back yards (both fenced) and some shots of my dogs lounging about in their doggy beds, on my bed, and enjoying It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on the big theater screen downstairs.  If that doesn’t convince them, I don’t know what will.

Akemi is still about two months away from hearing definitive word on her immigration status (we went to the Japanese Consulate this morning to get her printed so the Japanese government can run a background check on her and make sure she isn’t a serial killer who preys on unwitting gaijin).  As a result, either I make the trip to Seattle solo or I wait until she gets the okay to come and go as she pleases.  Guess I’ll just have to see how the adoption process goes.

Martin Gero’s The L.A. Complex premieres tonight at 9:00 p.m. on the CW.  Check it out!

April 23, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Captain America (1990)!

From direktor of Kickboxer 4: De Aggressor and Nemesis III: Prey Harder and producer of Breakin’ 2: Elektrik Boogaloo and Super IV: Quest for Peace (uh oh) come Captain America, de greatest American hero since Superman.  Oh, and de Greatest American Hero.

Movie start in pre-WWII Italy.  Mussolini interrupt boy’s piano lesson. Boy forced to watch as family killed, den kidnapped, den experimented on.  Terruble ting to happen.  But still better den piano lesson.

He taken to sekret lab where Dr. Vasilivilivich turn him into superhuman monster dat look like a creepy red skull.  So, dey call him…

Red Rupert!

Only somebody in Hitler entourage already called Rupert and dis lead to confusion, so dey call him Red Skull instead.

No. Sorry. Your eyes were closed on dat one. Let's take another. Cheeeeeeze!

Red Skull become greatest Nazi villain in history!  Even tho, for some reazon, he Italian in dis movie.  But even tho he Italian, he not really sound Italian.  Sort of Cuban but not quite.  He sound….well, aktually, he sound like dis guy:

Anyway, Dr. Vasinovalich have second thoughtz and jump out window. Den run all de way to America where she defekt.  With her help, America create its own supersoldier: Captain America (aka Steve Rogers)!  Hurray!  But den nazi spy ruin festive mood by killing Dr. Visinvichelli.  Boo!  Buzzkill!

De good newz: You're a supesoldier. De bad newz: You have to wear dis stoopid costume.

Captain America have to stop nazis from launching rocket at White House.  He sent behind enemy lines – wearing bright blue costume. Fortunately, he also given camouflage suit – dat he immediately take off after he parashoot down.

Of course, he captured – and strapped to rocket.  Before he take off, he pull de olde “C’mere.  I want to tell you someting” and Red Skull fall for it.  Captain America grab him.  So heroic!  Red Skull panic!  Quick! What de first ting you do if someone grab your hand and try to take you on  a rocket ride?  Dat right!  You cut off YOUR OWN hand! Hmmmm.  And dis guy suppose to be Nazi genius?

Rocket fly all de way to America but, just in nick of time, Captain America kick it off course and it land in Alaska instead.  Luckily Germans only had de one rocket.  Young boy takes pickture of rocket flying by and shows it to friend.  Boy grows up to be prezident.  Friend grows up to be newspaper reporter.  Captain Amerika not grow up – just stay frozen in ice until…

Diskovered!  He break out of ice and run away!  It make de newz!

New-look Red Skull send bunch of bad guyz to track him down.  Not be outdone, prezident sends…his friend de reporter.

Either he new look Red Skull, or one of de Real Housewives of Orange County.

Captain America walk to Canada and – what a considents! – get picked up by reporter driving by.  But Cap not trust him and so, pull de olde: “Let’s get out of de car so I can run back in and drive away”.  So heroic!

Captain Amerika walk around Santa Monica.  Some kidz from Twisted Sister video ask him for change.  He scared by sight of woman in thong and run away.  So heroic!

Cap go to find his old love.  And she is.  Really old.  But perfekt skin. He tell her “Oh, well.  Not meant to be.”  (subtekst: Your daughter, Sharon, be veeeery hot!  She seeing anyone?”).

Red Skull’s daughter show up and kill reporter and old love.  Cap angry.  He team up with Sharon.  Dey locate Dr. Villisenovich diary and find out true identity of Red  Skull!  Captain America fight bad guyz and throw unarmed man down elevator shaft.  So heroic!

Oh, and U.S. Prezident kidnapped by Red Skull!

Travel to Rome.  Captain American pull de olde: “Hey, Sharon, get out of de car so I can drive away!”.  So heroic!  But Sharon catch up with him.  Cap ask Italian woman: “You speak English?”  She shake her head no.  So he start speaking to her in English anyway.  Until Sharon start to speak Italian.  ”Oh, you looking for crazy villain hideout?  Go down street, five blocks, den turn right.  It ominous castle on your left. You can’t miss it!”

Sharon captured (becuz she girl and saving Prezident not good enough for our hero).  But Prezident escape.  Nobody notice until dey unlock door and walk right inside cell – even tho dey can see it empty from de outside.  Prezident chased onto roof.  Red Skull planning to mind control him so he commit suicide by jumping.  BUT -

He caught and saved by Captain America who just happen to be climbing up dat side of fortress at dat exakt moment.  What perfekt timing!  Perfektly lame timing!

Super slapflight!

Cap and Prezident team up!  Sharon fight Red Skull’s daughter!  Red Skull have bomb!  But Captain Amerika have tape recording of Red Skull childhood piano lesson.  Bring back bad memories for Red Skull. Cap throw shield, knock Red Skull into water, and dekapitate Red Skull daughter.  So heroic!

Dis movie brought to you by de Environmental Protection Act of 1990.

Verdikt: Dis movie so lame, monster aktually feel sorry for people who made it.

Rating: 1 chocolate chippee pity cookie and one snickerdoodle loaded wit red, white and blue M&M’s.

Pleaze diskuss.

Next week:

 

Tagged: Captain America, Captain America (1990), Cooke Monster, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Captain America (1990), SuperMovie of the Week Club

April 22, 2012: Beta 5! A Top Chef contestant checks in! Switching over from horror to mini-series mode!

Akemi and I paid a follow-up visit to Beta 5, a bold new addition to the Vancouver chocolate scene.  Located in the out-of-the-way industrial area off Main Street (appropriately enough, on Industrial Avenue), the shop/factory offers up a variety of intriguing products, from bars to caramels, marmalade to caramelized Marcona almonds.

No seating, just a counter selection and a view of the chocolate-making process.

I picked up a chocolate selection for Akemi’s birthday and she was wowed by the expert thin shells.  For my part, I was bowled over by their bars.  The 63% dark + choconut granola and the 67% Dominican dark with cocoa nibs was particular stand-outs.

A little out of the way, but well worth the trip: BETA 5 (413 Industrial Avenue).

The marmalades make use of citrus from Rising C Ranches in Reedley, California. I was tempted by the seville orange and the meyer lemon. Maybe next time.

Almost finished the rewrite of the horror script.  I’ll give it one more read-through tomorrow, then send it on its way – after which I have to switch gears and start thinking about this mini-series.  We’re looking at 2 x 2 hours with a very tight delivery schedule.  Paul’s worried but I figure that if we can get together and bang out an outline by early next week, we’ll be in pretty good shape.  I mean, if i was able to write three SG-1 scripts in two weeks, I should be able to write the equivalent of four in eight.  Well, maybe more like six.

Back on April 10th, I wrote a blog post about macarons and complained about people who referred to “macarons” as “macaroons”.  I mentioned a recent episode of Top Chef Canada in which a competing chef won by making a macaron, which he referred to as a macaroon. Well, the other day, Curtis Luk, the competing chef in question (and a self-proclaimed food nerd according to his show bio), left a note in the comments section of that post in which he explained the circumstances of the macaron/macaroon perceived flub (check it out here: April 10, 2012: Getting my macaron fix! Full Preview Dark Matter #4!).  And, for the record, he’s a fan of Stargate but not such a big fan of macaroons. According to Curtis: “Also for the record I hate macaroons and given the choice I wouldn’t make them, unless someone pointed a staff weapon at me.”

If you haven’t watched the 1990 version of Captain America yet, please do so before tomorrow when our Superhmovie of the Week Club reconvenes and guest film critic Cookie Monster weighs in with his review.  From what I hear, it’s a doozy.

Tagged: Beta 5, Chocolate, Top Chef Canada

April 21, 2012: The Big Vancouver Fan Expo Report!

I was online yesterday, checking out the local weekend events, when I came across a report on Vancouver’s very first Fan Expo taking place this Saturday and Sunday at the downtown convention centre.  While in Toronto, I attended their annual Fan Expo and had a pretty good time walking the floor and tracking down a couple of Randy Bowen supervillain statues to add to my collection (August 27, 2011: Wvrst! Geek Fest!), so I figured this might be a great opportunity to locate some missing single issues in advance of my big reading projects (April 15, 2012: Project Thunderbolts! And others!).  ”Will we go to geek festival?”Akemi asked me this morning.  ”Sure,”I said.  Why not?

Akemi opts to go with the big purse in expectation of a big haul.

We drove down after lunch, parked, and then made our way on foot the three blocks down to the waterfront teeming with colorful characters.

Ms. Deadpool and Iron Man Jr. (that little scamp).

Um, not sure. Anyone care to enlighten me?

"What do you guys feel like? McDonalds or sushi?" "Let's go rob a bank instead!" "Oh, okay."

We quickened our pace.  We had a little under two hours of parking and a lot of ground to cover.  There was no time to waste.

BEGIN VANCOUVER FAN EXPO REPORT:

We approached one of the guys manning the doors and asked him where we could purchase tickets.  He informed us that the Expo was sold out that day.  Sold out?!  What the hell were they selling that could be “sold out”?  Space?  Really?  They’d sold so many tickets they risked contravening local fire regulations by selling anymore?  ”You’ll have to come back early tomorrow morning to make sure you get tickets,”he suggested.

Yes, I suppose I could do that.  Or, rather than pay for the privilege of buying something, I could simply save the $40 and spend it at Comic Con in July.

END VANCOUVER FAN EXPO REPORT!

 

Tagged: Vancouver Fan Expo

April 20, 2012: Cringeworthy moments!

Et tu, Poop-ay?

Cringeworthy moments.  You know what I’m talking about, those singular instances in your life – sometimes painful, sometimes embarrassing, always impossible to forget – that, when recalled, incite the sort of response commonly reserved for that part in the horror movie when the bad guy/monster/ghost/possessed grandmother crosses the line from horrifying to Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-they-just-did-that!  The mere recollection can cause you to wince, curl your toes or, in my case, force the thought from my head by humming an improvised tune.  It’s one of those moments in life that sears itself into your subconscious, forever threatening to rise to mind unannounced like some leviathan from the deeps or the chorus to Britney Spears’ Womanizer.

There was that time in high school I dropped off a jacket at the dry cleaner’s.  As I stepped through the front door, I was instantly smitten by the girl behind the counter.  She was gorgeous.  So gorgeous, in fact, that I was positively tongue-tied.  She prompted me for my name, the number of items I’d be dropping off.  With some effort, I was able to come up with answers to both questions – then even managed a little small talk.  Pleased with myself for laying the groundwork for a future relationship, I said goodbye and headed out.  I went to open the door.  It wouldn’t budge.  ”Excuse me,”I heard her say.  I pulled harder.  Still no go.  ”Excuse me,”she repeated.  The last thing I needed was instructions on proper door opening.  I pulled even harder.  Nope.  Then realized.  I pushed.  Ah!  ”Excuse me!”  I could ignore her no longer.  I glanced back, threw her a look as if to say: “Yeah, I got it.  Thanks.”  She pointed to the jacket I was still holding: “Uh, aren’t you going to leave that here?”.  ”Oh.  Oh, right.”  Every time I think of that moment, I cringe.

Or there was the time in elementary school where my gym class was setting up a trampoline.  As we were unfolding the apparatus to lock it into place, it sprang back and landed on my arm, snapping the bone in two places.  The palm of my hand was flattened against my wrist.  It was horrific.  And, every time I think of THAT moment, I cringe.

And then there was today when I was out for a walk with Bubba.  He did his business and I rewarded him with a treat.  I went to pick up his poop on the lawn, then turned to pick up a forlorn nugget sitting on the sidewalk – which he, for some reason, assumed was a treat I’d mistakenly dropped.  He moved lightning fast, snapping it up before I could reach it.  It took a couple of seconds for the realization to dawn at which point he dropped it, foaming at the mouth, and threw me a look that, I have no doubt, said: “Please, for goddsake, give me a treat so I can get the damn taste out of my mouth!”  Every time I think of THAT moment, I’ll cringe.

So, what about you?  Any cringeworthy moments you’d care to share?