Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 508

March 18, 2012: Another Dog Day Afternoon! Checking the spam bin!

So, what's the weather like in your neck of the woods?  Here in Vancouver (it being Vancouver) it's been mostly overcast, cold, and rainy.  But yesterday, there was a rare break of sunshine, a sneak peek at the summer weather to come.  My dogs, of course, were quick to point out that it was perfect dog-walking weather.  "And how,"you may ask, "did your dogs point something like this out?".  Well, Lulu usually parks herself in front of the big window and stares wistfully out at the front yard, Jelly paces, and Bubba goes nuts.  "And what,"you may ask, "do I mean by nuts?"  Well, here's a little video snippet of my boy as we pulled up to the park yesterday afternoon…

He is positively outraged when he doesn't get to go out on a sunny day OR outraged he's not out there fast enough.

Anyway, we headed down to my old stomping grounds, Yaletown, for a stroll that thoroughly exhausted the crew.

A post-walk Jelly with tongue in full display.

They crashed all afternoon, made the time for dinner (natch), and headed upstairs to bed where they crashed again.

Check it out. Lulu was so tired she didn't even bother fully stepping over Jelly. She made it halfway then gave up and went to sleep.

So what are your sunny day game plans?  Walks?  Beach volleyball? Building a fort out of fresh lawn trimming on your front yard?

After discovering that a blog regular's recent comment was misidentified as spam, I immediately went to my spam folder and rescued about a half dozen comments.  They, at first glance, seemed like spam but, upon scrutiny, turned out to be obviously sincere words of encouragement from first-timers who have happened upon my little home here on the net.  Allow me to take a moment to recognize their efforts:

"These are truly great ideas in on the topic of blogging. You have touched some good points here. Any way keep up wrinting." – porno sites

Hey, porno sites, thanks for commenting.  I try to provide my readers with both consistency and variety in my daily posts, covering everything from television production and genre literature to my dogs and sheer impossibility of eating a mango.  I'll definitely keep on wrinting.

"I am undeniably thankful to you for providing us with this invaluable critical info. My spouse and I are unquestionably grateful, entirely the computer data we needed." – ipad

Hi, ipad.  I'm happy to hear my data on pork ramen proved such a boon to you and your wife.  I hope my recent post about kale chips was equally invaluable.  P.S. Is that an Irish name?

"I every time spent my half an hour to read this weblog's content every day along with a mug of coffee." – top porn sites

Any relation to porn sites?  Small world!  Glad you can enjoy my blog with a mug of your favorite coffee, and the fact that it takes you a full half hour to peruse it tells me you're really savoring the content.  Thanks and hello to whatever part of the world (or North American elementary school classroom – BTW do your parents know you're drinking coffee?) your broken English hails from.

"Hi, all is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that's really good, keep up writing." – top rated porn sites

Hey, great to hear everything is going nicely there as I hadn't heard from you in a while and was, admittedly, getting a little worried.  Keep in touch.

"Congratulations on possessing actually certainly one of one of the vital sophisticated blogs Ive arrive throughout in a while! Its just amazing how much you'll be capable to consider away from a factor basically simply due to how visually stunning it is. You've place collectively an ideal weblog website house –great graphics, films, layout. That is definitely a should-see website!" – how to attract a girl

Wow.  Words fail me (and apparently the same can be said for you).  Thanks!

"If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us." – Jim Rohn

Hey, Jim.  Although you make absolutely no sense, I nonetheless appreciate the effort.

Don't forget to finish watching Superman IV: The Quest for Peace! Tomorrow, our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes and guest reviewer Cookie Monster will be weighing in with his thoughts on the film.

Wonder if he'll like it?

March 17, 2012: Kitchen triumphs! Out and about! How to treat a migraine?! And a mini mailbag!

Because, I'm sure, Akemi's mother is wondering why I don't post more pics of her daughters...Cha-daaa!

So, while I've been busy writing, rewriting, pitching, re-pitching, doing meetings and conference calls, Akemi has been taking English classes, taking care of the dogs, and cooking cooking cooking!  Last week, she made siu long bao's for the first time.

Akemi, camera shy, works on her dumpling skin.

The dumplings are stuffed with pork then pinched shut, ready for steaming. She got this steamer especially for these dumplings (after seeing them at Rob Cooper's place).

Et voila!

Then, last night, she tried her hand at a Chuck Hughes (owner of my second favorite restaurant in Montreal after Au Pied de Cochon = Garde Manger) recipe: rock salt shrimp.  It's fairly simple: fill your cooking vessel with about two inches of rock salt and roast in the oven at 400 degrees for 30 minutes.  Meanwhile, marinate your cleaned shrimp in olive oil, pepper, and chopped garlic.  Once the 30 minutes are up and the salt is nice and hot, transfer the shrimp onto the salt (you'll hear them sizzle), drizzle the marinade on top and pop back into the oven for another three minutes.  Flip 'em, roast for another three minutes, and serve.

We tries two different types. I preferred the bigger prawns while Akemi preferred the smaller variety.

Also, taking our cue from Ivon - and this blog's comment secion, we made kale chips - tossed in olive oil and a touch of sea salt, then oven roasted. Addictive!

We've also ventured out a little.  The other day, we checked out the new Japa Dog restaurant, an off-shoot of the insanely popular Japanese-themed hot dog cart.  We went for lunch and the place was packed.  It was standing room only.  I usually do the kurobuta pork dog but elected to sample a couple of new (to me) menu entries.

The Meat Lovers (arabiki pork topped with meat sauce and cheese), and the tonkatsu (deep-fried pork, tonkatsu and fresh cabbage). Akemi had the mochi soup. I still prefer the kurobta, but that won't stop me from checking out some of the other intriguing variations like the kobe beef dog.

JAPADOG – JAPADOG – Japanese style Hot dog in Canada

After lunch, we went for a walk and stopped in at a little pet shop where Akemi made a new friend:

Buddies.

Finally, I couldn't resist snapping a shot of these shoes I saw on display recently.  They're both stylish and potentially lethal.

Them's kickin' shoes!

Spoke to mom today.  She's in bed with one of her recurring migraines.  I've heard that magnesium helps and suggested she pick up some supplements.  Any migraine sufferers (or friends/relatives of migraine sufferers) out there?  What, if anything, helps?  Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Mailbag:

Tam Dixon writes: "It can be sad watching a kitten/pup playing and then seeing them age through the years. Now my big cat (Harry) sleeps most of the day. I remember when he used to try and catch the sheet while I made the beds."

Answer: Yep.  Jelly used to be a burrower, digging beneath the sheets and lying there until she'd get so hot I'd have to rescue her.  Now, she prefers to sit atop the pillow by my hide and, once she's assumed the position, she won't move until sunrise.  And, speaking of sun, it was a beautiful day today.  I couldn't help thinking about Maximus and how much he loved lying in the backyard on days like these.

sparrow_hawk writes: "Dang! So how the heck are you going to wrap this up in just one more volume, Joe?"

Randomness writes: "If I were to guess, the ending will be open ended to allow room for a tv series. And that these comics are one small segment of an overall story."

Answer: Correct.  Issue #4 will wrap up the opening story arc, but many questions will remain unanswered.  For now.

Line Noise writes: "So, I've just been offered a job in Vancouver. [...] Do you and The Blog Collective (dibs as the name of my Goth Hipster New Wave Thrash Metal band) have any suggestions of where to live? Nice neighbourhoods and places to avoid?"

Answer: Congrats.  I have no doubt you'll love Vancouver.  In terms of neighborhoods, I think Kitsilano and Kerrisdale are quaint little neighborhoods.  The downtown area, Cole Harbour, and Yaletown are also nice – but noisy, especially on Friday and Saturday nights.

Tagged: migraines, treating migraines

March 16, 2012: The Comic Report! Dark Matter #3 reviews!

I've had an on again/off again/on again/off again/on again love affair with comic books over the course of my life starting back in elementary school when I was reading Batman and Justice Society of America after which gave them up for more mature pursuits (ie. girls), then resumed my passion for reading with titles like The Avengers, Spiderman, and The X-Men only to eventually lose interest, then have that interest rekindled in college only to have it fade and then return and then fade and then return again and then fade again.  And so on.  Certain titles manage to transcend the hot and cold routine, books like The Walking Dead, Chew, Sweet Tooth, and Scalped which have made the jump from single issue pick-ups to heavily anticipated trade paperback purchases.

When it comes to deciding what to get, I cast a very wide net.  I'll pick up the first couple of issues of almost every title out there and see what appeals.   If a comic impresses in those first two issues, I'll pick up the third – and then fourth, and fifth, and sixth, and so on.  As long as I'm enjoying what I'm reading, I'll keep reading.  Once I lose interest in a title, I'll move on.  Understand, my reasons for dropping a title usually have less to do with quality and more to do with personal tastes.

And so, most recently, after months of working my through a veritable mountain of comic books, the list of titles I'm still reading stands at a modest seven.  Maybe eight!

BATMAN

I've always been drawn to Batman for its darker tone.  Presently, no one does darker better than American Vampire writer Scott Snyder.  A delightfully grim read.

BATMAN AND ROBIN

To be honest, I was on the fence after the first issue, mainly owing to the new Robin, Damian, who I found altogether annoying.  I soon realized – yeah, that's the point and, in time, the little brat has grown on me, as has the terrific personal/professional dynamic at the heart of this book.

DAREDEVIL

I loved Mark Waid's run on The Flash and its testament to his wide-ranging talent that he is able to tackle a completely different hero in a complete different universe with a completely different sensibility and still hit it out of the park.  This title offers a nice mix of noir, humor, and superheroics with an inescapable classic Marvel feel.

DARK HORSE PRESENTS

Here we're offered a collection of mostly serialized stories ranging from the interesting to the fantastic.  In the latter category is Howard Chaykin's Marked Man, the tale of a past-his-prime hitman whose professional and personal lives converge in dramatic fashion.  I've also enjoyed the hell out of Peter Hogan's Resident Alien and Filipe Melo's The Adventures of Dog Mendonca and Pizzaboy.  Check it out.  You're sure to find something to like.

PUNISHER

Not three months ago I complained about the fact that I've always found the Punisher a frustratingly one-note character.  Well, my opinion has changed now that long-time Batman scribe, Greg Rucka, has assumed the creative reins.  Frank Castle is well-rounded, his world grounded, and the violence that permeates this book brutal but never silly or visceral.

ULTIMATE SPIDERMAN

The world of superheroes as seen through the eyes of a young boy.  I'll admit, I was leery about this one before I'd even picked it up but, after checking out the first issue, I was hooked.  Bendis has a gift for writing engaging characters and the young Miles Morales makes a perfect new Spiderman.

THE ULTIMATES

From the small world of a young, inexperienced hero to the big world of Earth's Mightiest – and then some.  Hickman's narrative is vast, multi-layered, and altogether brilliant.

Looking forward to:

ASTONISHING X-MEN

Marjorie M. Liu takes over writing duties on Astonishing X-Men soon and I, for one, can't wait.

Speaking of comic books, some of the reviews for Dark Matter #3 have started popping up:

" Issue 3 is one of those rare turning points where you really need to read the story to appreciate how quickly they whip development into shape and setup the stage for a showdown." - Review – Dark Matter #3 – Rebirth 3 of 4 | BAMFAS.com …

"Mallozzi and Mullie have quite a nice little book going here." - Dark Horse Reviews: Dark Matter #3

" If you're still not into Sci-fi then really it's your loss, the rest of us will continue to enjoy these memorable characters with bad ass skills and one-liners." - COMIC BASTARDS: Review: Dark Matter #3

" This book is riveting and tells a Whedon-esque space story that keeps you moved when the brawling occurs and attached…when revelations are made. I can ask for no more in a title." - wizard is Oz: Renaldo's Reviews: Saga #1, Dark Matter #3, Exile …

"Overall, I highly recommend the Dark Matter Series. I do not recommend picking up this mini-series from the middle, but rather starting from the beginning and seeing it all the way through." - Dark Matter #3 Review – imad_khan: Blog – IGN

Did you pick up your copy?

March 15, 2012: This and that and news of note!

Bubba contemplates life and such.

Ever wonder what dogs think about?  I imagine that, most of the time, it's food.  What am I going to eat?  When am I going to eat?  Why aren't I eating?  Other than that, I'm not really sure they concern themselves with all that much.  My eldest pug, Jelly, seems all-around unconcerned on most days, waddling from doggy bed to doggy bed, casually overseeing the goings-on around her, rarely weighing in on much unless it's to voice an outraged bark over the tardiness of the dinner scheduling.  My French Bulldog, Lulu, in contrast, is like one of those annoying friends (we all have one) who is always offering an opinion on just about anything whether it be world politics, celebrity behavior or your crappy ball-throwing abilities.  Finally, Bubba, my other pug, is an obvious contemplator, given to tilting his head whenever addressed, as though considering the weight of your words. He seems smart, a ponderer, but this is the dog who is guaranteed to go absolutely nuts whenever a horse, another dog, or Sarah Jessica Parker appear on t.v., so I'm not so sure.

Lulu contemplates that suspicious-looking stuffed toy by the speaker.

Food for thought for the humans among us:

Do you prefer your pink slime rare, medium, or well-done?  ABC News discovers the ammoniated "beef trimmings" in 70% of supermarket ground beef: Pink Slime Found In 70% Of Supermarket Ground Beef In ABC ….

You won't find the stuff at McDonald.  Anymore.  They have discontinued their use of the product.

Yabba Dabba Doo!

If I win the lottery, this will be my vacation home in Malibu: Dick Clark Has A Flintstones House And He's Selling It

Okay, it's understandable in movies when the bad guys kill innocent people (after all, they're bad guys).  But when the good guys get in on the action…5 Movies That Accidentally Killed Innocent Characters

Also from the gang at Cracked.com – NOT Coming Soon to a Theater Near You: The 10 Most Awesome Movies Hollywood Ever Killed.  To be honest, I'm not all that upset about missing out on Fartman.

Speaking of movies: 10 Worst Science Fiction Movie Remakes of All Time.  Hard to disagree with any of them.

To those wondering what the heck is going on with the new requirements to log-in prior to posting a comment = search me.  I did find this recent post on another blog however:

http://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/wordpress-stuff-signing-in/.  It helps only insofar as misery loves company.

March 14, 2012: A farewell to Refuel! I rundown my Top 16 Most Memorable Meals!

Well, this is sad: Refuel closes; Top Chef Canada contestant takes over space.  Refuel, formerly Fuel, one of my favorite Vancouver dining destinations is closing its doors.  Owners Tom Doughty and Rob Belcham will no doubt remain as busy as ever what with two of their other restaurants, Campagnolo and Campagnolo Roma, doing brisk business and another Asian barbecue-themed restaurant, Fat Dragon, set to open soon.  And, from what I hear, the staff will remain employed, moving to one of their other aforementioned eateries.  Still, it is dispiriting to know that one more long-familiar element of my life will soon be no more.

Back when it was Fuel, I was there two, sometimes three times a week, dining with my ex, my fellow Stargate producer Martin Gero, or, occasionally, solo at the bar seating where I could chat with Tom, Rob, or Chef Ted and watch the open kitchen at work.  To be fair, this was at a point in my life when I was dining out all the time – and, by "all the time", I mean "all the time".  The only days I ate at home were when we ordered in.  Unfortunately, high end dining took a hit with the recession and, as a result, the restaurant was rebranded, transformed into Refuel – more casual yet committed to the same quality ingredients.  Some dishes remained on the menu (including the outstanding confit crispy duck) joining notable additions like the buttermilk-fried chicken, and the establishment continued to host special events like their annual snout to tail whole hog dinners, offering everything from crispy pig ears with salsa verde to succulent roast temple.  I continued to frequent the place, though not as much as I used to, mainly as a response to the changes in my life and a desire to start cooking at home more (apparently, when they closed the books on Fuel, the reservation history revealed I had, in fact, been their #1 customer), but the food and service remained consistently great.  In fact, under Chef Jane Cornborough's stewardship, it became one of Akemi's favorite restaurants in the city.

I had many truly memorable dinners at both Fuel and Refuel which, not so coincidentally, served as the site for most of my annual chocolate parties.  And so, today, I'd like to rundown my Top 16 Most Memorable Meals at Fuel/Refuel.  This list may not be complete however as the restaurant's doors remain open until March 24th. That's ten more days to try their lemon risotto with albacore tuna tartare, dry-aged beef burger, crispy confit duck, peanut & chocolate parfait, and many other dishes!  There's still time!

Blood-chocolate ice cream.

16) December 11, 2011: Dinner at Refuel! - A reunion dinner with Martin Gero, Robert Cooper, and Jewel Staite.

Crispy rainbow trout.

15) July 13, 2007 - One of the first of many casual lunches – and casual conversations with owners Tom and Rob.

Crispy confit duck.

14) December 22, 2007 - An early Christmas dinner with mom and sis. And I sample my very first crispy confit duck.

Foie gras terrine for two. Of course, that's merely a suggestion.

13) April 2, 2008: Fans Feeling Fuelish - The very first Fuel Fan Dinner!

Pig ear, brain, and eggplant salad served with salsa verde.

12) October 28, 2010: Refuel's Annual Whole Hog Dinner! - Akemi's first Whole Hog Dinner.

Fried prawn heads.

11) June 20, 2009: Just Like Old Times! - My former culinary wingman, Marty G., comes back into town – and the gang at Fuel are ready for him!

The corn soup. 18 ears of corn, some salt, butter, and a touch of chili in each exquisitely dense serving.

10) August 18, 2007 - I take Carl Binder for his first (birthday) dinner at Fuel – and discover their unbelievable corn soup!

Tagliatelle with black truffle and cultured butter.

9) April 18, 2010: The Greatest Chocolate Party Ever! - My last annual chocolate party (with the SGU gang in attendance).

Assorted sorbet. The coconut version (bottom) were killer!

8) April 26, 2009: The Best Chocolate Party Ever! - My second annual chocolate party (with the SGU cast).

Sliced pig ears, beets, and black truffle.

7) October 21, 2007 - I return for the second day of Fuel's first Whole Hog Dinner – and they end up creating a whole new menu for me.

Crispy pig brain served with parsley root and Dungeness crab mayonnaise.

6) October 18, 2007 - Martin Gero and his buddy Kurt join me in my first Whole Hog Dinner!

Pumpkin soup with caramelized sunflower seeds.

5) January 7, 2007 - My first meal at Fuel, five days after its opening.

The whole confit pig head.

4) March 26, 2010: Whole Confit Pig Head Alert! Avert Your Eyes! - My friend Denise and I sit down to whole confit pig head.

Black truffle carbonara.

3) October 17, 2008: Birthday Dinner Rundown, Links, and Reminders - Chef Rob and co. serve me up a special birthday dinner.

Roast suckling pig.

2) April 27, 2008: The Best Chocolate Party Ever! - The very first chocolate party I held at Fuel.

Slow-roasted steelhead trout belly.

1) March 18, 2011: The Meal To End All Meals! - As I prepare to head off to Toronto, the gang at Refuel prepare my farewell meal-to-end-all-meals.

Tagged: Chef Jane Cornborough, Chef Rob Belcham, Chef Ted Anderson, Fuel Restaurant, Refuel restaurant, Tom Doughty

March 13, 2012: A quick update and a mailbag!

Bubba says hi and apologizes on my behalf.

A short blog entry today as I still have to get around to my daily hiragana/katakana exercises (And no, Das, they don't involve swords). A busy day today on a couple of fronts.  First, I made significant progress on the rewrite of the horror script by nailing down Felliniesque birthday party scene.  I'm going to make a few trims, add a few more suspenseful beats to the third act, and then I'll send it Rob Cooper's way for his assessment after which it'll be smooooooooth sailing. Finally had that rescheduled (rescheduled) conference call today.  There were about twelve participants and I believe I speak for everyone when I say we had a wonderful time.  Ultimately, just another step in the process and this entity is one of several possible homes for Dark Matter but, in my mind, the most ideal.  Finally, Paul and I (and out agent) convened on one of those show running opportunities.  Looks like we'll be sitting down to a meeting this Friday.  We'll see how it goes.

I leave you with a mailbag:

KevinInNS writes: "Was any thought given to a scene with Eli comprehending that he knew about the Stargate program already? (by way of Wormhole X-treme, putting random facts together etc..) or was a concious decision made not to do this so that new viewers wouldn't feel they needed to watch the other series as background in order to understand the new show?"

Answer: There wasn't for the reason you stated.  Given the immense amount of backstory and mythology tied into the franchise, we wanted to make the new show as accessible as possible to new viewers.  While Wormhole X-Treme would have been an amusing call-back, it would have been an unnecessary (and, for most viewers, annoying) cryptic reference.

Scott Hander writes: "I was telling my wife recently that strangely I was seeing more and more parallels in our society to the conflict between the Ori and the Alterans (imposing religious values vs. logic and science) and I was wondering if when you were writing the Ori story arc that there was any intent to draw comparisons to real-world circumstances in today's society?"

Answer: Exec. Producer Robert Cooper created the scenario so this a question for him.  I know that, simply speaking for myself, any parallels in my scripts were never overtly intention – subconscious, perhaps, but never an attempt at social commentary.

TeesterX writes: "What are your actual plans for Dark Matter? A film or tv series?"

Answer: The plan is to set it up as a television project, probably a television series although the idea of doing it as a mini-series grows more and more attractive to me.

Ponytail writes: "So what's going on tomorrow? Why the special pistachio chocolates?"

Answer: Akemi never needs a reason to make chocolates.  She's great like that.  :)

Randomness writes: "Odd question for your next mailbag Joe but was wondering, have you ever considered doing a show like Infinite Ryvius before in TV form?"

Answer: Funny you should mention Infinite Ryvius.  It was a property I was aggressively pursuing with some other producers before – like so many other things in this business – interest faded.

Bailey writes: "Do you feel like you've been a bit spoiled by your experience with the Stargate franchise? And that you judge every project by those standards? "

Answer: Yes and absolutely!  With all due respect to any production I'll work on in the future, Stargate was a singular experience that will be impossible to beat.

Sparrow_hawk writes: "Fuzzy Nation – John Scalzi (loved it! You may be noticing a trend here)"

Answer: Yes.  Am proud to say I was one of the first to read it.  And love it!  I told John it would make a great feature.

Patricia Stewart-Bertrand writes: "I have a question for you. What is the difference, if any, between a Producer and a Show Runner?"

Answer: All show runners are producers, but not all producers are show runners.  Show runner is exactly what the title suggests – an individual who runs a production.  Producer can mean a lot of things, from someone who runs the show to one of the financier's relatives who had an idea that may or may not have been used.

G-MaN writes: "Have you seen Kevin Smith's Comic Book Men series on AMC?"

Answer: Only the minute or so recorded from the run-over of Walking Dead.  Any good?

gforce writes: "The Amazing Race (what do you think of Brenchel? They're just as annoying/insane as they were on BB)"

Answer: She strikes me as crazy.  Hilariously so.

DP writes: "I wouldn't assume that for your circles, though, Joe. The word of mouth recommendations in your circles surely involved erudite critique about out how Bridesmaids hits all the right story beats square between the eyes, then mentioning the potty humor."

Answer: Are you kidding?  This is the same circle that is always quoting lines from Team America: World Police.

Yates writes: "Glad you picked up Machine Of Death, my friends David and Ryan put that together. The story of how the book was made and marketed is as interesting as the book itself – it stemmed from a discussion in a webcomic forum five or six years ago, and as just about every publisher turned down the book, they self-published. Relying on their online fanbases and social media, they managed to make the MoD the #1 best-selling book on Amazon the day it was released, even beating out a release that day by Glenn Beck, who them went on to briefly disparage MoD on his talk show later that day.  More about: http://machineofdeath.net/"

Answer: Congrats to them.  Great story.  And, a third of the way through the collection, great stories so far.

Randomness writes: "Hows your Japanese getting along Joe? There are 2 Code Geass movies out in Japan covering the events of each season, called Black Rebelleon and Zero Requiem."

Answer: My Japanese is coming along…slowly.  But watching anime helps.  Akemi will no doubt want to check out the movies (she loved the series) but I've never been a fan of movies that retread covered territory.

Randomness also writes: "Fate/Zero is out soon in the US, costs several hundred dollars on blu ray, but is a good seriea and will be uncut."

Answer: Yeah, it piqued my interest while I was in Tokyo – the box set was available in Akihabara.  But it wasn't subtitled so I had to pass.  Alas, my Japanese is nowhere near that good.

Elminster writes: "A little windy out your way today?"

Answer: Yeah, we lost power for a few hours.  Some are still waiting for theirs to be restored.

Michelle writes: "Just started watching Downton Abbey because I'm sick of hearing about it from my friends. 3 eps in and I'm quite hooked, just like everyone said!"

Answer: Another series I should get around to.  It comes highly recommend – from Rob Cooper no less!

DP writes: "Why do the super hero movies have to be so bad? Why couldn't they just write a good story and film that?"

Answer: It's annoying when a studio can't tell a good script from a bad one, but downright alarming when a professional screenwriter can't either.  Sometimes, the individuals involved in a production place greater emphasis on cast, directors, or visual effects and consider the script an after-thought – with predictably disastrous results.  And the thing that kills me is that these people never learn their lessons – especially if they luck out and score a box-office smash despite a dreadful script.  Also, a lot of the times in situations like these (big budget movies), A LOT of individuals are involved, all with their own ideas of what would make a great script.  The problem is when the scriptwriter tries to accommodate every single one.

Kathode writes: "And what the fuck was Faye Dunaway after? And why the fuck did her whole plan depend on first getting a cheesy gardener to fall in love with her?"

Answer: It would appear that male supervillains seek world domination while female supervillains (if you believe this movie) seek the love and validation of a man.  Oh, and world domination.

Randomness writes: "If Cookie monster wrote a Stargate script, what would it be about?"

Answer: Don't know.  Maybe we should get him to write some fan fic.

Gina writes: "what gets me is somewhere, at sometime the writer had to go pitch this to the producer AND that the producer said "God that sounds excellent! I have to make this! I'm on board!"

Answer: More than likely it went something like – Writer: "Kara, who happens to be Superman's cousin, follows the power source that, coincidentally, lands on Earth in the cheese dip of a picnicking wannabe supervillainess.  Then, after flying out of cosmic egg as Supergirl, Kara  assumes a new identity by walking behind a tree and magically transforming herself into a schoolgirl."  Producer: "That's ridiculous.  Can her alter ego have brown hair?"  Writer: "Sure."  Producer: "I love it!  Let's make this movie!"

Line Noise writes: "What's wrong with you Cookie? This is a great film. Certainly an improvement on the Superman crud that came before it."

Answer: We, sir, are in violent disagreement.  Superman III was dumb and poorly executed, but at least it possessed the semblance of a plot.  Supergirl, on the other hand, was horrendously, insultingly terrible.  Easily one of the worst big screen features ever produced.

DP writes: "Is Cookie Monster mad at me for not sharing the pain of Supergirl?"

Answer: Yep.

JoeJ writes: "Am I the only getting a bit lost in these reviews? I'd love to partake in this but the reviews themselves are so difficult to read/comprehend!"

Cookie Monster answers: Diffikult?  What not to unnerstand?  Monster sorry.  Nekst time not use so many big words.  Not my fault me so elokwent!

Kathode writes: "Even after a day to absorb it, and after reading Line Noise's spirited defense of Selena as villain, I still don't get Selena's plan. She spends the vast majority of the film trying every trick in her bag to get a hapless gardener to fall in love with her [...]. She says that somehow this will lead to others loving her (and presumably serving her every villainous whim), but there's no clear pathway illuminated between getting the gardener to fall for her and getting everyone else to."

Answer: In the words of Cookie Monster – "Shhhshhhshhhh."

poundpuppy29 writes: "Joe you are a chicken for not answering my Sheppard question how about my Vala question where was she if she wasn't in the third movie I know you and Robert Cooper were on the Daniel & Vala side but I don't know about Brad?"

Answer: I answered where I thought she might be, but I can't speak for Brad who wrote the script.

March 12, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Supergirl!

Blargh!  Supergirl most nauzeating movie since Big Bird sex tape released online.  It so bad it aktually make monster miss Condorman. It was so terruble dat aktor Christopher Reeve refuse to do cameo. And he do Superman II AND III!

Movie start on Argos City where survivors of Kripton walk around in wishy washy dresses and space sweaters.  Wait!  What?!  But Kripton explode in Superman I! Yes, BUT only mostly explode.

High-tek Argos City. And its plastik sheet walls.

Argos City doing a-okay – until inventor/leader/idiot, Zoltar, "borrow" city power source (de omegahaedron) for experiment wit orange tingie dat look like Grover booty rooter.  He give dem both to girl called Kara who, it turn out (WHAT A COINSIDENTS!) is cuzin of Superman!  She use it to create dragonfly (?) dat fly away, right thru Argos City protektive force shield dat turn out to be made of flimsy plastik.  And megahaedron fly out after it.  Oh, and witout power source, now everyone on Argos City will suffokate to death.  Oopsy.

Careful! You not know where dat been!

Kara get into space egg and follow megahaedron (Space egg and megahaedron going de same way – WHAT A COINSIDENTS!). Megahaedron land on Earth (WHAT A COINSIDENTS!) in cheese dip of pikniking witch Selena.  For real.  Space egg land in lake and Supergirl fly out of water.  She have power of flight and staying perfektly dry. Oh, and for some reason, she NOW wearing Supergirl outfit even tho she not wearing it when she left Argos City.

So what a girl to do when her people dying of slow suffokation?  Why join private girl skool of course!  But first, she almost seksually assalted by two stoopid truckers.  "Why are you doing dis?"she ask dem.  One answer: "It's just the way we are…"  Written.

Great produkt placement. A&W, de choice of rapists.

She disguize herself as human girl (she also have power to change clothez and hair color by walking behind treez) and change her name to Linda (becuz Kara too suspishus?).  She end up at skool where roomate turn out to be Lucy Lane, Lois Lane cuzin (WHAT A COINSIDENTS!), and math teacher turn out to be boyfriend of Selena and sometime warlok (WHAT A COINSIDENTS!).  Small world.  Small contrived lazy-written world!

Hey, it Supergi...er...Linda Lee

Meanwile, Selena go back home where she live wit raspy-voice other woman me tink is her girlfriend until she fall in love with skool gardener and give him love poshun.  But he very dizzy and wander into town, so she send front loader to bring him back.  Supergirl save de dey.

To Popeyes and Beyond!

For some reazon, megahaedron power source give Selena magik powerz and she attak Supergirl wit invisuble monster.  Den, attak hunky gardner wit bumper cars.  Den she make giant mountain appear on edge of town wit castle up on top.  Leks Luthor she aint.  Supergirl show up at castle and bet sent to phantom zone.  Somehow.

What purpose of Bianca charakter? Hell, what purpose of dis movie?

In Phantom Zone, Supergirl run into Zoltak who now redoosed to drinking out of squirt bottle.  She need to escape Phantom Zone.  He say impossible.  She say she really want to leave.  He say IMPOSSIBLE. She say she really, really want to leave.  He say IMPOSSI – okay, just climb up side of dis cliff and off you go.  Den he die.  Monster tink.

Supergirl show up back at castle where Selena have Lucy Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and hobo math teacher in giant bird cages.  Selena use magik to make  brick wall and statue almost fall on Supergirl.  Den she make floor all shakey-shakey and Supergirl have to crawl and almost fall – even tho SHE CAN FLY!!!  Me guess she forgot.

Er, you CAN fly, right?

Smoke monster appear.  It stretch Supergirl and do someting else. Not sure what, but it ook like it give her bad poopy cramps.  Supergirl use superspeed to scoop up Selena and raspy sidekick and trap dem in broken mirror.  Da end!

Oooh. Scary smoke monster/Halloween prop.

Dis movie not bode well for other female superhero filmz like Elektra, Catwoman, and Iron Lady.

Verdikt: Monster very mad at a lot of people after watch dis piece of crap.  Mad at people who made it.  Mad at Joe for make me watch.  But espeshully mad at Amnesty Intermashanul dat waste all dis time trying to outlaw waterboarding when dis movie much more crule and unuzual torture!

Rating: No chocolate chippee cookies and one kick in de grapes.

P.S. Check out trailer for next week's kick in de greapes supermovie of the week, Superman IV:

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster Movie Review, Cookie Monster reviews Supergirl, Supergirl, SuperMovie of the Week Club

March 11, 2012: Dog Matter! Watching, reading, doing!

Felix says: "Stop reading over my shoulder."

Hey!  Check out how much mom's dog, Felix, is enjoying my comic book series Dark Matter.  He can't take his eyes off it!  After receiving the above pic, I'm now seriously considering casting all-dog talent for the prospective Dark Matter television series/mini-series.  What do you think?  Felix as hot-headed rough and tumble THREE?

Of course, my pug Bubba may have something to say about that. After all, if you're looking for a dog to play crazed and on edgy, look no further…

That's just him impatiently awaiting his walk.  Imagine him being chased by carnivorous alien beasts?

Speaking of carnivorous beasts…

I'm an impulse shopper – but only when I'm perusing bookstores and pet shops.  After setting my eyes on the above t-bone, I couldn't resist. Peanut butter dog treats are also a must-buy.  As are duck toys (specifically ducks) that play a tune (especially if the lyrics are comprised of incessant quacks).

Watched two surprisingly enjoyable movies over the past two days.  I say "surprisingly enjoyable" because I had all but given up on features, preferring instead select TV on DVD (and, lately, iTune downloads). Attack the Block was great fun, a scifi movie about a group of inner city kids who band together to fend off an alien invasion in London. Terrific performances by the young cast.  I had a minor quibble with the late revelation of why the furry invaders are targeting our crew (they jump on the theory as fact and proceed to act on it a little too quickly) but, overall, I thought it was a refreshing entry in the genre. Check out the trailer:

Thumbs up for Bridesmaids as well, the flipside to The Hangover.  It came highly recommended by Carl Binder so I was understandably leery going in, but I wound up liking it a lot.  Check out the trailer (which, strangely, includes some scenes I didn't see in the version I watched):

Finally, while I can't say I enjoyed it, I will say it creeped me out (which, I suppose, was the point) – Calvaire is a movie that walks a fine line between disquietingly comical and terrifying.  It's a Belgian horror film about a guy whose van breaks down in the middle of nowhere, forcing him to rely on the kindness of stranger.  Crazy backwoods strangers.  Check out the trailer (if you dare):

Kind of reminds me of our old Stargate Friday afternoon writers room spin sessions.

On the anime front, I'm 65 episodes into Gintama and about three episodes into two other so-far-so-good shows:

Another, a horror series about a new boy in town who tries to unravel the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of a student 26 years earlier -

and House of Five Leaves (with its wonderful opening theme), a period anime about a swordsman who is hired to bodyguard an unusual group -

Just finished up three books – Clive Barker's Hellbound Heart (a hair-raising read – actually a re-read but it's been some 25 years!), Julian Barnes' The Sense of an Ending (which, ironically enough, I liked up until the ending which didn't fully make sense to me), and the third book of David Eddings' The Belgriad, Magician's Gambit (which, like the previous books in the series, offers a nice balance of action, humor, and engaging characters).  Next up is Machine of Death, an anthology of stories based on the same premise: a machine that can predict the circumstances of any individual's death.  It seems like a fairly constrictive premise but, two stories in, it's pretty entertaining.  We'll see how I feel when I hit the thirtieth tale.

Tomorrow, I begin work on the rewrite of my horror script.  On Tuesday, I'll be having that Dark Matter-related conference call that was rescheduled from two weeks ago (which was rescheduled from the week before that).  Well, that's the plan anyway.

What are you all watching?  Reading?  Planning for the week ahead?

March 10, 2012: Opportunities, opportunities…

It's nice to be wanted.  Really.  Over the past few weeks, my agent has brought me no less than three potential show running opportunities on projects (presumably) ready to go.  All are interesting possibilities.  Of course having said that, interesting things generally command closer scrutiny, and closer scrutiny commonly yields explanations, details, and demystification.  What at first may seem very interesting often ends up being much less so.  For a variety of reasons.  Well, in the case of show running opportunities, two: creative and production.  Creatively:  Is it any good?  Am I on the same page with the producers/broadcasters? Do we all want to make the same show?  How willing are they to allow me to address some of the issues I have with the show's premise or the existing scripts?  Will they trust me to make the best show possible? Production: How much money will we have to make the show?  Given the concept and the existing scripts, is it possible to make the show within the established parameters?  Where will the show be shot?  Will they trust me to make the best show possible?

Ideally, the answers to all these questions will be yes, yes, yes, very, yes, a lot, yes, somewhere I'd enjoy spending time, and yes –  but, realistically, you'll probably have to compromise on a couple of these points (and sub-points).  And just how much you're willing to compromise will depend on several things – like how much you love the project, how much control you'll have over it, whether or not it's a good opportunity, and whether it will be worth your while.  So far as I'm concerned, the easiest type of project to say no to is one that fails the creative questions, especially the first one: Is it any good?  I have to like a show to work on it.  I know, I know.  It seems obvious, but I'd hazard to say that there are a lot of people out there working at jobs they hate.  Film and television is no different.  Still, after 11+ years on Stargate, I'm thankfully in a position where I can be a little choosey.  I have to like the show I'll be working on.  Unfortunately, liking a show isn't enough. There's nothing worse than being offered a fantastic show and then not being given the tools to properly execute its potential.

So many things can go wrong on a production, but when they go right, the results are spectacular.  And, looking at some of the spectacular shows I enjoy, I see the same like variable: a strong creative show runner driving the production, whether it's David Chase on The Sopranos, Vince Gilligan on Breaking Bad, Shawn Ryan on The Shield, Mitchell Hurwitz on Arrested Development, or Larry David on Curb You Enthusiasm.  I'm not saying that all shows with strong creative show runners are necessarily great, but I am saying that every great show I can think of had a strong creative show runner at the helm.  All extremely talented; all obviously very passionate about their respective series.

So, in the end, that's all I ask for: the opportunity to work on a show I can feel passionate about; a show that will prove as interesting on its first day of production as it did on the day it was first pitched to me. Is that too much to ask?

 

March 9, 2012: Company Outings!

Or at a local izakaya with your boss and fellow co-workers.

While I've been immersed in my esoteric/artistic pursuits (writing that horror script, pitching that scifi series, fielding show running opportunities, waiting around for conference calls that never happen, etc.), Akemi has been doing her own thing – specifically, attending English classes three to four times a week.  The classes vary, from pronunciation to idioms to conversation in which the students and teacher discuss all sorts of topics: tea, poutine and, today, social drinking.

As some of you may (or may not) know, social drinking is an important part of professional life in Asia.  For instance, in Japan, a lot of the time, when work ends at the office, a whole new phase of the job begins at the local watering hole where salaryman get together with co-workers, bosses, or prospective clients to discuss business and drink, drink, drink!  There's nothing quite as surreal as being out on the streets of Tokyo at around 11:00 p.m. when the various bars and restaurants disgorge their inebriated clientele, pleasantly pickled as they wind and stagger their way to the nearest metro to catch the last train home (otherwise it's a night at the capsule hotel for them!).

I had my heart set on a dachsund but fell in love with the scruffy little guy with the glasses.

Beet-faced, perspiring, ties and jackets askew – occasionally boisterous, sometimes vomitous – they're a far cry from their staid daytime selves. On my last trip to Tokyo with my buddy Ivon, we would pass them on our way back to the hotel – singing, shouting, crouched down by some bushes throwing up dinner.  It's all part of social custom promoting company harmony and it's considered downright rude not to drink, or to drink too slowly if someone else is buying.  According to one of Akemi's fellow students, a Taiwanese national, these work-related outings can go on for a while. His longest clocked in at an impressive/insane 20 hours.  20 hours! Seriously, we're talking about a business meeting here, not spring break in Tijuana!

Over the course of our professional lives, I'm sure that we've all had to participate in some irksome work-related activities be it to close a deal, secure a promotion, or satisfy Martha from accounts receivable that you had nothing to do with the recent spate of missing staplers.  So, I want to know: What was the worst business outing you've ever attended?  In my case, I think it was the mandatory company picnic where I was forced to participate in an impromptu game of volleyball and, later, caught by my boss trying to slip away during the archery competition. For what it's worth, the food wasn't very good either.