Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 419

July 14, 2014: Mailbag! And Grey Poupon!

Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these!  Time to answer your hard-hitting questions…

Airelle writes: “What did you do with all the blueberries??”

Answer: I set aside a containerful for my houseguests, then froze the rest.  I’ll use them in my breakfast shakes.

Tam Dixon writes: “That picture with Lulu & Su is priceless! I suppose Su isn’t used to pets?”

Answer: She doesn’t have a pet, but she would LOVE a french bulldog.  I suspect Lulu knows this and has cranked up the cuteness to 11.

Fagate writes: “OK, you are finally working like us ordinary people.”

Answer: With the added bonus of arguing over subspace communications.  Or do you do that as well?

Fagate also writes: “Now, should we already begin to worry about the poor doctor member of the crew of your soon to be sci-fi series…will he die? Of course. The only problem is when!!”

Answer: To ensure we don’t fall back on old patterns, we have elected not to have a doctor on board the ship.

David Knowles writes: “Probably to much to hope it a Star Trek series, so here hoping it a show base on your dark matter comic book series or perhaps something entirely unexpected MGM getting it act together and commissioning a new Stargate show.

Answer: Star Trek?  No, they’ve already got that covered.  And MGM has Stargate covered as well with the planned reboot.  Sadly, I don’t think we’ll be seeing a new Stargate series for quite some time.

Gary Ansorge writes: “i doubt feeding a dog blueberries is really all that good for them,,,”

Answer: Oh, Akemi did the research.  They’re fine in moderation, providing the same antioxidants, fiber and phytochemicals we humans benefit from when we eat them.

dasndanger writes: “I had a dream about you last night, Joey. You gave me your phone number, then when I tried to call you never answered, and when you finally did answer you told me not to call! Then why did you give me your number?! Anyway, we decided it was best to keep our communication confined to the inter webs.  The dream made me feel sad and rejected. Big meanie.”

Answer: Well, that’s altogether bizarre because, as everyone knows, not only do I happily give out my phone number to anyone who will take it, I have also been known to foster needy Stargate fans as well.

Ponytail writes: “In that first picture up there, Akemi looks a little pregnant.”

Answer: It’s a sweatshirt with a pocket in the front for storing things.  No, not pregnant.  But I’ll pass along your well-wishes.

kabra writes: “Did I read somewhere here that you got a green light on one of your projects!!!??? “

Answer: Yep, it’s true.  We’re back at it – pitching, spinning, breaking and writing.  Soon prepping.  Eventually, producing.

Tam Dixon writes: “Is Jelly sleeping later than 5?”

Answer: Yes.  She does a little melatonin before bedtime and now sleeps through the night.  Previously, she would wake up at all hours and cry.  I’d have to lay my hand on her back and she would eventually doze off.  And then be up at the crack of dawn!

Mark writes: “I just rewatched the Vegas episode of Stargate: Atlantis and there is one question burning me up. Did the Sheppard of that reality die in the dessert or was he just passed out and later rescued?”

Answer: Depends.  What do YOU think happened?  Did he die?  Did the ambulance get there in the nick of time and save his life?  Did the ambulance get there in the nick of time but accidentally park on him when they arrived on the scene?  There are as many possibilities as there are alternate universes!

Tam Dixon writes: “Is it normal for a show to have that many scripts done so fast?”

Answer: No.  Which is why you have a lot of shows that start off strong and then peter out as the season progresses, the result of productions scrambling to produce last minute scripts in order to make their delivery dates.  This extra lead time is a great (and greatly appreciated) luxury that will allow us to plot a season full of set-ups and payoffs.  No making it up as we go along.  We can introduce all sorts clues, foreshadow, develop some terrific twists and turns, all enroute to our shocking finale.

Tam Dixon writes: “How was “The Lost Fleet”?”

Answer: It was fine.  Reminiscent of David Weber’s Honor Harrington series although the characters aren’t as well drawn.

Duptiang writes: “Q: Has the book of the month club adjourned for the Summer? I might have missed something.”

Answer: Yep, we’re adjourned for the time being.

Duptiang also writes: “.Q: if the ship is using a form of elector magnetic radiation for the sensors how can it detect something going the speed of light or near in time.”

Answer: It’s not, so FTL travel isn’t an issue.  Instead of sensors, the crew will simply rely on their intuitions.

Duptiang also writes: “So will your ships have W.C.s? “

Answer: Uh…depends.  What are W.C.’s?  World Cups?  Water Closets?  I’m going to say no.

I leave you with this awesome Grey Poupon commercial:

 

 

 

July 13, 2014: The weekend highlights!

Food Truck Alley at the Kitsilano Day Festival.

The French have foie gras, Americans have hot dogs, and we Canadians have the the beavertail.

Working the takoyaki stand.  This would have been my summer job had my show not been green lit.

An obviously inebriated Grimace is escorted off the premises.  Akemi: “I don’t like that purple one.  Looks very dusty.”

The Market Meats team dish up lunch.

Mighty awesome ribs.

 I’m onboard the frozen yogurt train – 15 years later.

Organic supermarket blueberries are better than regular supermarket blueberries.  And organic farmer’s market blueberries are better than organic supermarket blueberries.  BUT organic blueberries from the Angel Organic Blueberry Farm are THE BEST blueberries of all.  Just call them up and they’ll deliver right to your door!

Seriously.  You won’t find better blueberries.  Anywhere.

Bubba joins us for a visit to the farmer’s market.

I challenged him to touch his tongue to the tip of his nose.

My old high school buddy, Cas, is in town with his girlfriend, Su.  She and Lulu have really hit it off.  I’ve paired them in my new “SuLu” fanfic.

Meanwhile, Akemi works on some blueberry dog biscuits.

Finished Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl (highly recommended!), and even managed to get some work done as well.  Tomorrow, we begin discussing episodes #6-#13!

July 12, 2014: News of Note!

As we head into the World Cup Final, news you need to know: The World Cup Flopping Rankings!

http://online.wsj.com/articles/the-world-rankings-of-flopping-1403660175

And this: http://screamer.deadspin.com/the-world-cups-third-place-game-is-a-goddamned-disgrace-1603619746

Uh oh.  Blogger fined for writing negative review: http://eater.com/archives/2014/07/11/food-blogger-fined-3400-for-writing-negative-restaurant-review.php.  All I’ve got to say is you better LOVE my new show when it airs next summer.  I’m extremely litigious! :)

Reboot Fever!  Catch it!

Via Buzzfeed: 33 Reasons Why Humanity Is Doomed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/were-all-screwed

http://www.themarysue.com/facebook-shames-spielberg-for-hunting-triceratops/

July 11, 2014: 4 down! 8 to go!

Our writers’ room wrapped up its first week by knocking completing its fourth story in as many days: tease, five acts, and, because you demanded it (and, frankly, I recall how much you wanted them back in the Atlantis days), a tag.  I’m very happy with the first five episodes.  As one nameless writer (let’s call him Ramone Kluegelhopf) put it: “They MOVE!”.  Oh, that they do.  We’ll take the weekend to decompress and then, next week, we’re back at it.  I think we’ll take a few days to look over what we got so far, discuss the various arcs, nail down the remaining premises (making sure each of our characters has their opportunity to shine and suffer) and then we’ll resume spinning again.  We were aiming to have 10 of our 13 episode first season broken by end of July but, at this pace, it’s looking like we’ll have all 13 stories heading into August, a.k.a. Writing Month!

September will also be Writing Month II + a side order of Japan as I pull up my annual culinary pilgrimage to Tokyo to accommodate series prep.  We’ve already started discussions on production design (ships, space stations, etc.), visual effects, and locations (I think we got us a space freighter!) and, by the time we make the move to Toronto on November, constructions will have already begun on our sets.  I will, of course, spend the first two weeks sleeping in the crew’s quarters and eating in the ship’s mess (maybe even performing an EVA to disable the long range sensors) to really get in the mood in the build-up to principal photography.

It also sounds very involved and complicated but, really, a week into The Bridge Studio’s elaborate recycling system, I’m up for anything:

Their plastic bodies are soft but their bottoms and caps are mighty hard.  So where do the empty plastic bottles go?

Trick question!  They go in the bottle bin at the bottom left.    The bin at the right is for cadaver bones.

Oh, and speaking of being up for anything, I came across this interesting option in the cereal aisle of my local supermarket:

I’m going to go ahead and call this one a “niche product”.

July 10, 2014: This year’s Emmy nominations are out! Forget the series and acting awards. What’s in the running for Best Commercial?

Well, I’m glad you asked – and yes, it IS a category.  The nominees are:

Apple – “Misunderstood”

Budweiser – “Heroes Welcome”

Budweiser – “Puppy Love”

General Electric – “Childlike Imagination”

Nike – “Possibilities”

So, which one are you voting for?

July 9, 2014: 2 down! 10 to go!

Whew!  Despite the pessimism of one nameless writer, we managed to finish breaking our second story in as many days, setting a torrid pace that should see us hit the mid-season(ish) mark by week’s end.  Could we actually have all 13 of our stories by end of next week?!

Not a chance.  That opening three-parter has become an action-packed two-parter while one of our off-world stories has been turfed in favor of…well, I’m not sure what at this time.  Hopefully, another off-world story!  But the point is we now have two story holes to fill – which isn’t too bad considering we already have ideas for 8 of the remaining 10 slots.

I’m very happy with the three episodes (one script and two beat outlines) we have in place and have no doubt you’ll love ‘em too.  They’re a lot of fun with plenty of action, adventure, humor, and scfi goodness.  But, above all, it’s all about the characters.  If there’s one thing I learned from Stargate, it’s that audiences may initially tune in for the series, but they keep coming back for the characters.  And, oh, do we have some great characters in this one.  Casting, once we eventually get around to it later this year, is going to be a blast.

In addition to the dark chocolate I brought for the room, we were inspired by a few visitors today: editor Mike Banas (who dropped in for said dark chocolate), his gal Ruby -

And our former Stargate colleague, Kerry McCarthy (formerly Kerry McDowell, formerly Kerri McDowell) who brought along her five month old daughter, Saoirse -

We all took a break to watch the world cup semi-final shootout between Argentina and the Netherlands, then returned to work on our outline.  At which point Saoirse bumped on the third act character motivations and called bullshit on our fourth act break at which point we had to ask her and mom to leave.  But it was nice seeing them nonetheless.

I’m exhausted (Jelly had me up at 5 this morning), so it’s an early night for me. And tomorrow, we’re right back at it.  We’ve got a big two-parter to bang out!

July 8, 2014: And so it begins! Pitching, spinning, breaking, and snacking on familiar ground!

Well, this takes me back.  On Monday, we kicked off the writers’ room for my new scifi series.  Even though the show will be produced in Toronto, most (if not all) of the pitching, spinning, breaking, outlining, writing, and rewriting will be done here in Vancouver.  And I couldn’t think of a better place for us to convene – or in this case, reconvene – than our old Stargate stomping grounds at The Bridge Studios. Alas, our former offices are now occupied by a production called Monster Trucks (sic?), but that’s okay because all we really need is the boardroom – once the scene of all of our Stargate prep meetings, now,  for the month of July, the place where we’ll be coming up with 12 (only 12 because the pilot has already been written) thrilling SF ship-based stories!  Ah, just like old times.

Some photos from our first two days…

Janet’s dog is still coming into work with her at the downstairs Administration Offices.  Stylin’ in in those red booties.  Dogs love ‘em!

Well, if it isn’t Stargate ace editor Mike Banas P.I., working on his own super-secret project, just a couple of doors down.

As is customary whenever one of my writers’ room assembles, I brought chocolate.

Akemi included a few nougats with a very special message for us hardworking writer-producers.

I returned to discover the office had been holding a bunch of boxes for me…for three years!  All free books from publishers and all….

From the same book series which, I believe, is based on a game?  Anyone?

Also awaiting us: a box of office supplies.  But, at the end of the day, all we really needed was a whiteboard, markers (blue is always a favorite!), a dry eraser, and board spray (which wasn’t included so Paul will have to pick some up on his way in tomorrow).

We spent Monday discussing “the big picture”: our world, first season arc, character backstories and arcs, spaceships, transfer stations, faster than light travel,  weaponry, and technology.  Today, we finally started breaking and, by afternoon’s end, had our first (actually second) story.  1 down, 11 to go!

Would love to tell you all about the show (specifically, what it’s about) but I’ll have to defer to our broadcast partners for the official announcement that, if I’m right, will be made to coincide with Comic Con in a couple of weeks.

As we left the offices for the day, one of my fellow writers summed up the experience thusly: “It’s nice to be arguing about robots with you guys again.”

Tagged: scifi television, SF television

July 7, 2014: Our Book of the Month Club reconvenes! Let’s discuss White Fire!

This book is the equivalent of that lamb kebab I ate one hot summer back when I was living in Montreal.  Like the Pendergast series to date, I quite enjoyed Indian food – until that wretched kebab.  It was bad.  So bad that I couldn’t eat Indian food against for years.  And, I suspect, it’ll probably be that long before I pick up another book in the Pendergast series.

White Fire starts off promisingly enough with a mystery set in a Colorado town. Pendergast’s protege, a young idiot named Corrie Swanson, gets into trouble while researching and studying (and breaking and entering) the bodies of some 19th century miners.  She is facing serious jail time until Pendergast shows up and turns the table on the community in spectacularly convenient fashion (locating a descendant of the dead who objects to plans to dig up a local graveyard, something the community failed to do even though, as Pendergast points out, she was remarkably easy to find).  Also coincidentally, wealthy locals start getting knocked off in grisly fashion, their multi-million dollar homes burned to the ground.  Why is this suddenly happening now when Pendergast comes to town?  Good question.  And one that’s never answered.  Who is responsible?  Er, if you guessed the character who doesn’t serve any real purpose in the story, you’d be correct!

As the town is gripped by the murders, someone begins to stalk Corrie: creeping around her place at night, killing her dog, taking a shot at her.  Corrie reacts like any level-headed person in her position would: by not reporting the incidents to the authorities and not telling her mentor (who is an FBI agent by the way) Aloysius Pendergast.  In fact, she seems more annoyed at Pendergast’s concerns for her safety than she is about her dead dog and almost getting shot.  While Corrie runs around town making one dubious decision after another, effectively moving the plot forward, Aloysius looks into the existence of an unpublished Sherlock Holmes story that may shed some light on the mysterious 19th century killings of a group of miners.  Fans of Sherlock scholars and fans have sought this rumoured manuscript for close to a century.  Enter Pendergast who locates it in a matter of days.

Blind luck, coincidences, and convenient developments abound to help a listless and uninspired Pendergast solve the case.  Yes, okay, he’s depressed due to the events in a previous book, but that doesn’t excuse the lazy way by which he works the case.  At one point, he attempts to blackmail an elderly woman to gain access to a property.  At another, he gains access to sensitive documents by barging into a house and setting a fire (which he later puts out with some gravy), causing everyone to conveniently clear out so that he can search.  At still another, he time travels through the power of his mind to listen in on a conversation between Oscar Wilde and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  Yes, I know, this means of magical mental transport was set up in Still Life With Crows, but that doesn’t excuse it’s lameness. I hated it then and hated it here.

Ultimately, we learn that the murderer was rendered insane by mercury poisoning, something he was exposed to in the womb.  Oddly enough, we are told about one character who is exposed to the mercury while working the mines and it turned him into a babbling, deranged psycho.  Our murderer, who has been exposed since birth is, in contrast, a calculating serial killer possessed of the intelligence and rationale to hide his crimes.

And, uh, again, why does he just happen to start killing people when Pendergast comes to town?

Oh, almost forgot.  The book almost scored points for me late when it seems Pendergast is too late to save Corrie from being burned alive.  BUT, in yet another ridiculous twist, it is revealed that the charred remains don’t belong to Corrie but some other woman who the serial killer/arsonist happened to burn alive in approximately the save spot a little earlier.

A long way from Relic, the first instalment in the Pendergast series, this book was one bad lamb kebab.

This blog entry is (ironically) dedicated to Birthday Gal Das!

July 6, 2014: Our Star Trek TOS rewatch continues with…Miri!

Cookie Monster and I continue our review of the original Star Trek series…

Me: I remember this one being a lot creepier when I was a kid, like that movie Phantasm and clowns in general.  Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Yeoman Rand, and a couple of redshirts beam down to a planet with an Earth-like atmosphere – and Earth-like studio lot ruins – to investigate a distress signal.  What they discover triggers an adventure part Children of the Corn and part Lord of the Flies with a dash of that episode of the 1967 Spiderman where Spidey gets knocked out in a meat locker and wakes up to a post-apocalyptic Earth where guys sporting football helmets ride around on dinosaurs.

Cookie Monster: Did me miss someting but what happened to de two redshirts who come down to planet wit dem?  Dey just disappear halfway thru episode.  Early on, Kirk try his best to get dem killed off tho.  Notice how everyone stick together EXCEPT redshirt who sent off on his own.  And STILL not manage to get himself killed!

Me: Well, it wasn’t from lack of trying.  Still, a nice twist early on as the redshirt, who we’re assuming will be killed, remains unharmed while McCoy is the one who gets attacked.

Cookie Monster:  The Bonester checking out tricycle and get jumped by zombie boy.  Kirk come to do reskue, punching out zombie boy TREE times before knocking him down.

Me: Wouldn’t it have been more humane to simply stun him with his phaser?

Cookie Monster: Sure, but not as much fun.  Kirk’s knuckles need love too!

Me: This episode does a wonderful job of slow-burning the creepy premise.  The desolation is unsettling enough, but when those unseen children start chanting….yeeeikes.

Cookie Monster: Even Spock is spooked.  At one point, he searching, hear noise, and scream: “Guards!” like my little cousin Demoika dat time spider crawl up her calf.

Me: Kirk makes a startling discovery in a closet.  A young teenager named Miri.

Cookie Monster: Monster not sure what more creepy: kids or Kirk turning on de charm for teenager.  “Pretty name for a pretty girl.  Veeeeer pretty.”  Veeeeery creepy.

You can call me James. Creepster is okay too!

Me: He has no control over his charm powers.  In many ways, it’s a curse.  “She likes you, Jim,”Spock says at one point.  “She’s becoming…a woman!”

Cookie Monster: Just like horrible blue scab Miri notice on his hand.  She be like: “You infekted!”  And he be like: “Hey!  How DAT get dere?!”

Me: Yeah, you’d think he would have been the first one to notice.  Anyway, pretty soon, everyone notices as they all get infected – with the exception of Spock who is, nevertheless, a carrier.

Cookie Monster: Speaking of carriers, monster couldn’t help noticing Yeoman Rand’s wicker basket hairstyle.  What she hiding under dere?

She’s packing a picnic lunch under that do.

Me: Unfortunately for them, NOT her communicator.  In one of the episode’s most puzzling moments, all off the communicators get stolen when everyone – EVERYONE! – leaves them behind to investigate something.  When they come back, they’re gone.  I mean, come on.  Everyone?!  Did they forget that there’s a special place on their belts where they go

Cookie Monster: De Bonester get to work on vaccine for virus – but it frustrating work.  Virus affekt deir minds.  Pretty soon, everybody snapping at each other like dey at an Oscar de Grouch family reunion.

Me: Turns out these “kids” are 300 years old and the infection develops at puberty. But McCoy is close to completing the vaccine.  The only problem is – without their communicators, they can’t contact the Enterprise to test it!  (P.S. After they hadn’t heard back from the Captain for a while, you’d think the Enterprise would send a second party down to check up on him.).  And testing it without the Enterprise could have disastrous consequences.  As Spock points out, it could be a “beaker full of death”!

Cookie Monster: Coinsidentally, Beaker Full of Death be name of old muppet band dat played at Bert and Ernie’s wedding.

Me: Things get desperate for everyone, especially Yeoman Rand who asks Kirk to check out her (now spotty) legs.

Cookie Monster: Finally, Kirk confront plastic bat-wielding kids.  He plead for communikators!  “No blah blah blah!”he scream.  So dey beat him up instead.  In hindsight, he should have stuck wit de blah blah blah.

Creepy kids school Kirk.

Me: But never underestimate Kirk’s powers of persuasion.  If he’s not seducing robots or convincing them to turn against their creators -

Cookie Monster: Or getting teenagers to fall in love wit him.

Me: Or getting teenagers to fall in love with him, he’s convincing a group of kids that their 300 year old lifestyle is wrong and in need of a complete overhaul.  He gets his communicators back just in the nick of time -

Cookie Monster: To find Bonester on de floor, unconscious after taking vaccine.  But it work!  Everyone cured!

Me: Our crew returns to the ship where Yeoman Rand informs Kirk: “Miri.  She really loved you, you know.”  To which Kirk replies: “Yes.  I never get involved with a older women, Yeoman.”  Er, oookay.  Technically she’s 300 years old but physically… Ah, let’s just forget it and move on to the next episode.

July 5, 2014: Our Star Trek TOS re-watch continues with…What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Welcome back to our Star Trek: The Original Series re-watch with your hosts: Me and Cookie Monster…

Me: The Enterprise is enroute to planet Exo-III to check on the health and welfare of researcher Dr. Roger Korby who hasn’t been heard from in five years.  Roger’s fiancee, Nurse Chapel, is on the bridge, hopeful that the love of her life is still alive – despite the planet’s minus 100 degree surface temperatures.  Chapel has confidence in Roger’s ability to persevere.  Kirk, not so much.  As they approach Exo-III, he asks Spock: “Do you think there’s any chance of him still being alive?”. Hey, Capatain Sensitive, the presumed-dead-guy’s girlfriend is standing three feet behind you.  “Uh, Jim.  I can hear you.  I’m standing right here.”  Oh. Right.

Cookie Monster: Dey beam down to entrance of underground cavern and, despite planet’s minus 100 degree temperature, dey nice and toasty warm in deir Alpaca fur-lined Starfleet uniforms.

Me: But Kirk is suspicious and asks for a security detail: two redshirts.  Finally! Actual redshirted redshirts!  One, providing back-up for Kirk and Nurse Chapel, ends up falling off a ledge.  Roger’s assistant informs Kirk that it is a bottomless pit.  “He’s dead, I assure you,”he says.  Whoa, wait a minute.  If it’s an actual bottomless pit, then he’s still alive.  Why not order the Enterprise to lock onto him and beam him back up?  Good idea?  Worth a try?  Yes?  No?

Cookie Monster: Ah, plenty more where dat redshirt came from.

Me: Still, Kirk is even more suspicious now.

Cookie Monster: What tip him off?  De Addams Family butler walking around in his bathrobe?

Which way to the sauna?

Me: Kirk and Chapel are escorted into a room by the assistant.  A door slides open and Roger steps out and his eyes light up – at the sight of Kirk.  Seriously.  He seems more excited to see him than his fiancee…who seems to notice a full three seconds after the fact: “Oh.  Didn’t notice you standing there.  Two feet to my left.”

Cookie Monster: Den, Roger introduce his other “assistant”: Andrea.

Me: Okay, I’m going to stop here a moment to proclaim actress Sherry Jackson the most gorgeous guest star in the history of Star Trek – and probably scifi television.

Cookie Monster: Back to de review…

Me: I mean, seriously.  If they had cast her in the last episode, Mudd’s Women, all my nitpicks about how and why the men were falling head over heels would have been addressed.

Cookie Monster: Moving on…

Me: I googled the actress to find out if she’s still working and came across a video interview with her.  She’s apparently 72 but she doesn’t look a day over 50.  And she’s still gorgeous.

Cookie Monster: No offense, but monster need to move dis review along so he have time to go pick up half-price remaindered fireworks.

Me: Okay.  So it turns out Andrea is a robot.  And so is Roger’s assistant – who Kirk’s shoots, exposing his circuitry.

Cookie Monster: After Kirk execute patented pointless dive roll.

Me: No doubt to confuse his opponent.

Cookie Monster: Den Lurch walk in and grab Kirk.

Me: Robot Lurch.

Cookie Monster: Who, it turn out, it addition to being super strong and stealthy, also do really good  impressions of Kirk, Chapel, and Stewie from Family Guy.  He be Exo-III’s resident Rich Little!

Me: Roger makes a robot version of Kirk – to prove he can.  He is like Kirk in every way, possessed of all of his memories – but, in the end, susceptible to racist rants.

Cookie Monster: Robot Kirk even fool Nurse Chapel – but, to be fair, she not demonstrate best judgement.  Referring to Roger, she say: “What’s he’s done may seem wrong…”  Seem?  SEEM?!  He responsible for death of two redshirts.  Me understand, dey only redshirts but still.  Somewhere, back on Earth, dere be little redshirts waiting for den to come home!

Me: The real Kirk is brought in and he converses with Roger while surreptitiously unfurling some twine from the back of his chair.  I’m not sure what I found more amazing, Kirk’s resourcefulness in fashioning a weapon out of his chair or the fact that Lurch and Andrea were standing right behind him and didn’t notice what he was doing.

Cookie Monster: Kirk jump Roger, den make run for it.

Me: Leaving Nurse Chapel behind (“I’m going to get help!!!”).  But he is no match for Lurch who corrals him and brings him back.  In retrospect, kind of a dumb move on Kirk’s part.  Moments earlier, Roger offered him the opportunity to play along with his little charade.  Instead of turning him down, why didn’t Kirk just say “Yeah, sure. ” instead of opting for the ridiculous high-tail into the meandering caverns?

Cookie Monster: But Kirk resourceful.  He such a player, he even able to seduce a robot!

Cookie Monster: Dis harder den it look.  Me suspekt he was practicing on Enterprise toaster oven.

Me: And, later, he turns Lurch against his creator by using suspect logic (“If I’m a danger to you and I’m here because of Roger, then Roger is the problem, isn’t he?”).

Cookie Monster: Chase ensue.  Roger get injured and, in big reveal, we discover…he a robot too!

Now that’s a really bad sunburn.

Me: Meanwhile, Andrea sees robot Kirk and asks for a kiss.  He turns her down, so she disintegrates him.  Guys, let this be a lesson.

Cookie Monster: It turn out she in love wit robot Roger.  Dey kiss, and commit suicide because robot love not meant to be, like comedians hooking up.  Remember Roseanne and Tom Arnold?

Me: All in all a solid episode…with a tremendous guest star in Sherry Jackson.  Did I mention her?

Cookie Monster: Yes, me tink you did.

Me: Anyway, for those who weren’t able to watch it, here is an abbreviated version of the episode:

Tagged: Star Trek, Star Trek TOS, Star Trek: The Original Series