O.M. Grey's Blog, page 33

The Joy of Sex

It must've been in the early 80s when I found The Joy of Sex on the bookshelf at a local bookstore. I pulled it from the shelf and flipped through the pages, my pre-pubescent self wide-eyed and a little embarrassed at the pictures I saw. I had known, after all, the basic concept behind it, as my mother had had the talk with me, but seeing it there in black and white drawings made it all kinds of real, kinda gross, and a little scary. But I still couldn't pull my twelve-year-old eyes away from  those pictures, except of course to flick them this way and that every few seconds to see if an adult would catch me looking at something so naughty.

Three years later, at the age of fifteen, I lost my virginity, and I've been basking in the joy of sex ever since.

As I've gotten older, more and more hang-ups and inhibitions have fallen by the wayside, which has only served to heighten the joy of sex. In my mid-twenties, I started studying the more sacred side to sex. While exploring aspects of spirituality outside the traditional (and culturally mandated) Judeo-Christian paths, I delved into various pagan and eastern traditions. In many of them sex is a way to tap into the divine nature of being.

From pagan practices of a man and woman coming together to symbolically represent the god and goddess to Tantric Sex where one can glimpse The Divine though love-making and the profound connection that is possible, albeit rare, between two people. Through my own sexual experiences and spiritual journey, I view sexuality and sex with another human being as rather sacred, at best, and at the very least a gift. I don't take sex lightly. Unfortunately, many men whom I've encountered over the past 25 years do take it lightly. They take it for granted. They devalue it. They view it as a conquest. They use it at a means to an end…often using the women right along with it. And yes, certainly not only men behave in this manner. Women do as well.

I have come to pity those wo/men, actually.

They have no idea what they're missing.

Play and laugh and learn and experiment. Bask in the joy of each other. Allow yourself to delve into a deep level of intimacy with another person, body and soul. Worship them and their body as an incarnation of love and desire and divinity, and let them worship you as well. It is indeed terrifying at times, but only because it is so profoundly beautiful.

Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, healing, honesty, intimacy, joy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex

So Long 2011

I have the urge to say "Good Riddance" when I think of 2011 coming to an end. It was by far the worst year of my life in some respects. Never have I known such betrayal and heartbreak and crippling anxiety. Well, I suppose I've known it all before, but not so intensely and constant, barely recovering from one slight before being hit with another. This year reminded me just how many people are predators, drowning in their own pain so much that they often unconsciously damage others. The number of liars never ceases to astound me, lacking integrity and justifying their behavior at every turn, oblivious, or apathetic, to the emotional corpses left in their wake.

Yet…

Partially due to my struggle and partially due to me seeking distractions from the pain, this has been a magnificent year in some ways. For 2011 has brought me deep friendships, a supportive community, and a new chance for love.

As I sit in my hotel room at The Difference Engine in Ft. Worth, friends and fans and other lovely people bustle around downstairs. I can think of no one with whom I'd rather bring in the new year than my adopted family Airship Isabella. The fine members of that crew have brought me such joy and acceptance and support in the last year. My gratitude and love for all of them overfloweth. They are more family to me than my own flesh & blood.

And while I'm at it, let me thank others who have hugely impacted my life, bringing me light and love at every turn.

My amazing husband, of course, has been an unwavering source of support and light. My love for him still deepens every day. He has kept our lives and business running all while taking such good care of me. I'm so fortunate to have him in my life, and I tell him that every day. He is my world, my universe, my other self…

Oh, my dear Doctor Q. There just aren't words…you've been my dearest friend, my muse, my support, my inspiration…the list goes on. You know my heart, love. You know me, and you still love me.

Andy & Marc, the two men who saved England for me and reminded me I was worthy of time, respect, and reciprocity during the darkest time of my life. When I felt alone and abandoned in a foreign country, these dear, cherished friends showed me kindness, patience, and love. They hold a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.

Manu & Nicole, who made me feel completely at home while in Normandy and cared for me as if I was a part of the family. Nico, special friend, who kept me company and clarified some old misunderstandings. I cherish you still. Laurent, who gave me a place to stay in Paris and showed me the wonderful fireman dance party. Conversations with you are always enjoyable.

James & Benny, your kindness and patience and support mean more to me than I can ever express. You were always (& continue to be) right there for me whenever I need you. That is so special and rare. Thank you, gentlemen.

My beautiful Steampunk community!! Your support through this difficult time has been unbelievable and life-altering. I am so grateful and honored to be a part of this community. True friends, all of you, especially Toby of the Marquis of Vaudeville, Jaymee Goh, Ayleen the Peacemaker, Lucretia Dearfour, Unwoman, Mr. Saturday & Sixpence, Arron von Blackwolf, Ben Hamby, Professor Taboo, Tee Morris & Pip Ballentine, Nick Valentino & Liz Darvill, Mordecai Hale, Virginia, Peter Pixie, and Alex & Tif of Cracked Monocle.

And more recently, my love, gratitude, and respect goes to Andrew and Gabe, two very special men who entered my life in November. Through our growing relationships and love, you both have demonstrated, in your own unique ways, that which I've only ever dreamt of (& more) is possible. And it is more beautiful than I could've ever imagined. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.

Just as my year of hell started more or less in Nov 2010, it ended in Nov 2011. I feel as if I've suffered a long, slow crash, but now I've finally been rebooted! I feel alive and fresh and new. I'm spending more time experiencing life in the real world rather than cyberspace. I'm basking in an abundance of love from friends who have become family and strangers who have become lovers. I can't remember being so happy and fulfilled and full of light as I am right now.

2012 will be truly magnificent. I can feel it.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: airship isabella, ASI, author, ayleen the peacemaker, cons, conventions, friends, grief, heartbreak, Jaymee Goh, love, Lucretia Dearfour, marquis of vaudeville, mr Saturday and sixpence, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, peter pixie, polyamory, steampunk

Kramping My Style

"Merry Krampus, a Steampunk Santa with Krampus," bu Steven Austin

Before this year, I had never heard of Krampus, the Alpine figure who accompanies St. Nick and punishes (& eats particularly) bad children. From Krampus-themed holiday parties to this Krampus Blog Carnival hosted by Nevermet Press, he seems to be everywhere I turn this season.  Even in my own home. Last night, I felt Krampus kreep into my heart and try to ruin my Christmas cheer and budding romance. He shook his chains and rang his bells and tried to frighten me away from the beauty of love.

Over the past few weeks I've been quieter on social networks and this blog. That is partially due to the bustle of the holidays and working hard to get the Kickstarter projects done and in the mail in time for Christmas, but it's also because I've been cultivating two new relationships.

Yes, friends, after a year of heartache, love is in the air for this romance author once again. Although, due to my experiences, which I've blogged about throughout this difficult year (YAY that it's almost over!), I am quite a bit more cautious offering my heart to someone new. It has been ill used a few times this year, after all.

Both gentlemen are lovely, and it's been so much fun getting to know them over the past six weeks. My husband is thrilled with my new relationships, feeling that I deserve some happiness and joy after such a painful time. This is the first time I've sought out true polyamorous, loving relationships beyond theory, and it is truly wondrous. I know very well how to maintain a relationship, after being blissfully married for 11+ years, but I'm relearning how to build a relationship.

One of these two men and I have become surprisingly and profoundly close in a way that neither of us had previously experienced. It's wonderful. It's terrifying. It's a cause for celebration! It's a cause for caution!! I've worked hard to heal from the betrayals of earlier this year, and friends have helped me find my strength not to build walls, but rather filters of protection against possible new threats. Although there is often pain in love, there is also love in love. And love, as I've said so many times before, should never be denied. One must risk their heart to experience love, and it is so very worth the risk.

Perhaps because of the pain I'm a little wiser, and I'm definitely more prudent. I'm forcing things to move a little slower than I'd like. I'm recognizing and acknowledging red flags or potential red flags. I'm diligently working to stay centered and grounded while opening my heart to new possibilities. I'm reciprocating, but not giving too much more. I'm keeping my inner balance. I'm allowing things to happen and unfold rather than seeking reassurances and definitions, something very new to me. And because of this, I'm continuously surprised by him. By us. It's simply gorgeous, and it becomes more so with each passing day.

So last night, on the eve of Christmas Eve, in the midst of my joy at my budding love, Krampus showed up in the form of my old nemesis Anxiety. Out of the blue. Without reason or rhyme. And Krampus whispered doubts in my ears, filling my heart with fear and my tummy with a rumbly, uneasy sensation. He tried to sabotage love.

It didn't work.

This Yuletide season, I got my greatest wish. It's the thing that makes this life worth living. It's connecting with another human being. It's experiencing what they have to offer. It's giving what you have to offer and being grateful that they let you. It's basking in the abundance of love. It's reveling in the joy of being. It's validating the concept that love is infinite, and the more you love…the more you love. Love breeds love, and it is gorgeous.

So although my husband must be away from me and I'm not with blood relatives this Christmas, I am with family. Chosen family. I am loved. Tonight I'll snuggle in front of the fire with my new beloved and watch my favorite holiday film, Love Actually. We'll wake up on Christmas morning in each other's arms. We'll open special gifts and laugh at my Santa apron while I make waffles. We'll gaze into the other's eyes and marvel at the good fortune of finding each other. We'll be grateful for the love we share, for it is the greatest gift of all.

Even Krampus can't kramp my style this Christmas. No, sir. He is not welcome here.

-_Q

Steven Austin's Artwork is Free to Share and Remix. It is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. This basically means that you are free to use his artwork too, however you like, so long as you a) give him credit, b) share the artwork under the same license, and c) don't use it for commercial purposes (i.e. you can't resell it). Otherwise – have your way with it! Grab the high-resolution artwork over at RPGNow.com for Free!

Filed under: Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, broken heart, christmas, healing, heartbroken, honesty, intimacy, krampus, love, nevermet press, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationships, romance, sex, st. nicholas, st. nick

Darkiss Reads Review of Avalon Revisited

New review of Avalon Revisited by Darkiss Reads. Here's an excerpt:

I sometimes found myself getting caught up in the detail and the descriptions that I found myself rereading to make sure I did not miss a thing.  This attention to detail fed my imagination and I found myself riding an "Airship" for the first time and slaying vampires…The plot line is well paced from the very first page and never stops, and keeps you engaged, horrified and laughing out loud.  I love O.M. Grey's writing style and she her comedic timing was fantastic.

Read the entire review here!

Filed under: News & Reviews Tagged: amazon, author, avalon, darkiss reads, kindle, love, o.m. grey, olivia grey, paranormal romance, polyamory, postaweek2011, review, romance, sex, steampunk, vampires, victorian

Steampunk Spotlight: Zombies & Cogs

Today's Steampunk Spolight shines on, well, ME!

My two new titles are now available for purchase! Just in time for Christmas!

First, Caught in the Cogs: An Eclectic Collection.

In the midst of war, a beautiful young officer finds love aboard an airship… A woman steals away to fulfill her desire with a phantom lover… A group of thieves seek out a town of women to satisfy their lustful urges, but these ladies have an agenda of their own… PLUS nine more short stories, angsty love poetry, and twenty-six relationship essays considering topics such as alternative lifestyles, deepening intimacy, opening communication, abusive relationships, and how to end a relationship with respect. Steampunk fairy tales, maddening horror stories, steamy erotic fantasies, and more…

BUY IT on Amazon in paperback or on the Kindle for just $3.99. Also available on Smashwords in various eBook formats or get an author-signed paperback from the publisher.

Get them delivered by Christmas for free with an Amazon Prime Membership (free trial!)

Next, The Zombies of Mesmer, previously only available on KINDLE is now in paperback as well!

Follow Nicole Knickerbocker Hawthorn (Nickie Nick) as she discovers her destiny as The Protector, a powerful vampire hunter. Ashe, a dark and mysterious stranger, helps Nickie and her friends solve the mystery behind several bizarre disappearances. Suitable for teens, enjoyed by adults, the story is full of interesting steampunk gadgets, mad scientists, bloodthirsty vampires, and mesmerized zombies. This paranormal adventure is sure to appeal to fans of Boneshaker, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the Vampire Diaries.

The Zombies of Mesmer is a Gothic Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel set in Victorian London.

Here is what author/editor Muffy Morrigan has to say about The Zombies of Mesmer:

Nickie is the perfect vampire slayer for the post-modern world. A prim Victorian girl, just coming of age by day, a plucky and touchy defender by night—she is the perfect package, all rolled up into a proper corset.

The Zombies of Mesmer was the kind of book one should never begin at bedtime. Not just because it has a perfectly tuned choir of creepiness, but because once started you cannot put it down!

Look out Buffy, there is a new slayer in town. She is every bit as tough, resourceful and kick-ass—in a full corset.

If the Zombies of Mesmer is the new trend in vampire novels, I have hope for the genre again.

Also, author/blogger Michelle Hauf gave a full review of The Zombies of Mesmer on her VampChix blog. Read it here!

BUY IT on Amazon in paperback or on the Kindle for $2.99. (Read it for free with your Amazon Prime membership)

It's currently under Kindle's KDP Select program, so it's only available in eBook format on the Kindle until March 2012. So get your Kindle! Lowest prices and more choices than ever (or just use the free Kindle app on your smart phone, PC, or Mac.)

Filed under: Short Fiction, Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: amazon, an eclectic collection, anthology, author, book, broken heart, buffy, buffy the vampire slayer, caught in the cogs, ebook, eclectic, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, intimacy, kindle, London, love, muffy morrigan, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, paranormal romance, passion, poetry, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, short story, smashwords, steampunk, vampchix, vampires, victorian, whedon, zombies of mesmer

Steampunk Spotlight: Woman in Black

With such projects as Hugo, the new Sherlock Holmes film, Steampowered Movie, the Vintage Tomorrows Documentary, and Hysteria, it seems that we're finally seeing more Steampunk-themed content on the big screen (or even smaller screens). Another new film starring Daniel Radcliffe is coming out in February.

WOMAN IN BLACK

A young lawyer (Radcliffe) travels to a remote village where he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scorner woman is terrorizing the locals.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK opens in theaters February 3rd, 2012!

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Official site: http://womaninblack.com/

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WHAT DID THEY SEE? Find out for yourself: http://whatdidtheysee.com/

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Become a FAN on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/TheWomanInBla...

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Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: author, daniel radcliffe, film, love, movie, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, paranormal romance, postaweek2011, steampunk, victorian, woman in black

Beautiful Poly Story

[image error]A friend sent me this link on Facebook, and I am ever so grateful. It's a beautiful story, and it's about time there is some positive press on the alternative lifestyle of loving more.

Read:

'I've got TWO men who love me': Woman has baby with the lover her boyfriend encouraged her to take (and they were BOTH there at the birth)

Jayia, the woman in the article, is a sexologist who teaches about touch (Red Hot Touch) and polyamory (How to Love Openly).

More about Polyamory throughout my blog & podcasts, of course, and here: Loving More.

Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex

Gaslighting

According to Wikipedia, Gaslighting is "is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception." It is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse because it can be so difficult to detect due to its (sometimes) subtlety.

My dear friend Jaymee Goh first introduced me to the term "Gaslighting," and I've been fascinated with it ever since. It explains why phrases like "settle down" or "calm down" have the absolute opposite effect on me. It's reminds me of past relationships, romantic, platonic and familial, dating back to the way my father spoke to my mother 37 years ago.

Other examples:

"You're overreacting."

"You always want to talk."

"You're just being too sensitive."

"You're looking at it all wrong."

Even more malicious is the wo/man who tells their spouse/SO they're imagining things to cover up an affair. But Gaslighting also occurs in other non-romantic relationships, too.  It can happen from a boss at work. Your doctor. Your friend. Anyone who uses these subtle manipulation techniques to make you think you're crazy or doubt yourself. Narcissists excel at gaslighting, but one doesn't have to be a narcissist to use it.

"Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That's because it plays into one of our worst fears – of being abandoned – and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. The abuser is usually a very insecure person. He has a need to put others down in an attempt to make himself feel better. He must be seen as right at all times." (The Gaslight Effect)*

The following information was gathered from the amazing website Think Like A Black Belt which "teaches physical, mental, and emotional self defense against unsafe people."

Signs of Gaslighting:

You feel sabotaged but can't explain it.
You're the one "needing" to apologize.
You second guess yourself and feel a lot of draining confusion.
You constantly feel like you have to prove yourself.
You shoulder a lot of the blame in the relationship.
Guilt follows you no matter what you do.
It's often implied you are inconsiderate, disrespectful, or too sensitive.
You often defer to the other person's take on a situation or matter.
Life feels out of whack, but you can't pinpoint the cause.
As you think back, you remember being more carefree and confident.
Lying seems easier to avoid drama or explanations.
You feel you can't defend yourself verbally or emotionally anymore.
You find yourself accepting weird or bad behavior in the other person as normal.
Confrontation with the other person has them offering a reasonable explanations and making you feel bad for questioning them.

Read both articles on Gaslighting on Think Like a Black Belt:
"Gaslighting, is someone using this trap on you?"
"Gaslighting makes you question reality."

Recognize subtle abuse signs early. Protect yourself.

-_Q

*The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin Stern.

 

Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: abuse, author, gaslighting, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, misogyny, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, think like a black belt

Steampunk Spotlight: Contraptions' Kickstarter

About six weeks ago, I shined this Steampunk Spotlight on The Extraordinary Contraptions, and for good reason! They are a fine Steampunk band well worthy of your support, which is why they are in the spotlight once again.

The Extraordinary Contraptions are running a Kickstarter Campaign to raise funds for their 3rd CD. Rewards include music, passes to live shows, VIP backstage passes, brass kazoos, knitted socks, private performances, and the chance to have a song written about your Steampunk Persona.

Go over to their Kickstarter Project to see a full list of rewards and pledge what you can today.

Splendid!

Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: author, honesty, kickstarter, love, music, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, postaweek2011, steampunk, the extraordinary contraptions

Podcast Hiatus

With impending deadlines and the approaching holidays, I've decided to take a hiatus from podcasting until the beginning of 2012. Until then, I should be able to keep up with the Steampunk Spotlights and Relationship Essays, but if not, I'll be back in full form in 2012.

Look for the podcast "Those Three Little Words" on January 6th.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: author, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, podcast, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex