So Long 2011

I have the urge to say "Good Riddance" when I think of 2011 coming to an end. It was by far the worst year of my life in some respects. Never have I known such betrayal and heartbreak and crippling anxiety. Well, I suppose I've known it all before, but not so intensely and constant, barely recovering from one slight before being hit with another. This year reminded me just how many people are predators, drowning in their own pain so much that they often unconsciously damage others. The number of liars never ceases to astound me, lacking integrity and justifying their behavior at every turn, oblivious, or apathetic, to the emotional corpses left in their wake.

Yet…

Partially due to my struggle and partially due to me seeking distractions from the pain, this has been a magnificent year in some ways. For 2011 has brought me deep friendships, a supportive community, and a new chance for love.

As I sit in my hotel room at The Difference Engine in Ft. Worth, friends and fans and other lovely people bustle around downstairs. I can think of no one with whom I'd rather bring in the new year than my adopted family Airship Isabella. The fine members of that crew have brought me such joy and acceptance and support in the last year. My gratitude and love for all of them overfloweth. They are more family to me than my own flesh & blood.

And while I'm at it, let me thank others who have hugely impacted my life, bringing me light and love at every turn.

My amazing husband, of course, has been an unwavering source of support and light. My love for him still deepens every day. He has kept our lives and business running all while taking such good care of me. I'm so fortunate to have him in my life, and I tell him that every day. He is my world, my universe, my other self…

Oh, my dear Doctor Q. There just aren't words…you've been my dearest friend, my muse, my support, my inspiration…the list goes on. You know my heart, love. You know me, and you still love me.

Andy & Marc, the two men who saved England for me and reminded me I was worthy of time, respect, and reciprocity during the darkest time of my life. When I felt alone and abandoned in a foreign country, these dear, cherished friends showed me kindness, patience, and love. They hold a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.

Manu & Nicole, who made me feel completely at home while in Normandy and cared for me as if I was a part of the family. Nico, special friend, who kept me company and clarified some old misunderstandings. I cherish you still. Laurent, who gave me a place to stay in Paris and showed me the wonderful fireman dance party. Conversations with you are always enjoyable.

James & Benny, your kindness and patience and support mean more to me than I can ever express. You were always (& continue to be) right there for me whenever I need you. That is so special and rare. Thank you, gentlemen.

My beautiful Steampunk community!! Your support through this difficult time has been unbelievable and life-altering. I am so grateful and honored to be a part of this community. True friends, all of you, especially Toby of the Marquis of Vaudeville, Jaymee Goh, Ayleen the Peacemaker, Lucretia Dearfour, Unwoman, Mr. Saturday & Sixpence, Arron von Blackwolf, Ben Hamby, Professor Taboo, Tee Morris & Pip Ballentine, Nick Valentino & Liz Darvill, Mordecai Hale, Virginia, Peter Pixie, and Alex & Tif of Cracked Monocle.

And more recently, my love, gratitude, and respect goes to Andrew and Gabe, two very special men who entered my life in November. Through our growing relationships and love, you both have demonstrated, in your own unique ways, that which I've only ever dreamt of (& more) is possible. And it is more beautiful than I could've ever imagined. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.

Just as my year of hell started more or less in Nov 2010, it ended in Nov 2011. I feel as if I've suffered a long, slow crash, but now I've finally been rebooted! I feel alive and fresh and new. I'm spending more time experiencing life in the real world rather than cyberspace. I'm basking in an abundance of love from friends who have become family and strangers who have become lovers. I can't remember being so happy and fulfilled and full of light as I am right now.

2012 will be truly magnificent. I can feel it.