O.M. Grey's Blog, page 30

Letting Go…

Over the past two weeks, I've been vacillating between self-righteous anger and deep sadness, a profound sense of peace to a painful unconsciousness, the present moment to projected future & tormenting past. From acceptance to accusation. From a place of unconditional love to a place of terrifying fear.

Just trying to understand & make sense of it all.

As part of processing such drastic life changes, the break of a beautifully loving relationship and the move out of and back into my home, among others, I've written about things as they've come up, sometimes from a place of peace, other times from a place of confusion, fear, and pain.

Fortunately my readers and friends have been patient with me and for the most part completely supportive. Unfortunately, at the same time, because I've done this publicly on this blog & on Facebook in an attempt to find solace and support and understanding, I've hurt a dear friend and thereby lost her friendship.

So, this will be the last post on the subject.

I'm letting go.

I don't know what the future will hold, reconciliation of love or no, and I'm letting go of that outcome. What will be, will be. Que sera sera.

My public processing isn't helping anyone, least of all me.

I know this for certain: the love my sweet auctioneer & I shared isn't going anywhere. Nothing real truly dies. And what we share is real.

So whether it's tomorrow, next week, or some undetermined time down the road, when we're both in a place to forgive, rebuild trust, and give each other another chance, that love will remain. For that I am grateful, as grateful as I am for the time we shared.

I will be silent on this blog for the next week in mourning.

If he happens to visit and reads nothing else, I hope he will read Breathing Out, I Smile. As for the rest, I hope he, and everyone, will keep in mind the rush of conflicting emotions that come forth in such a time and forgive any unconsciousness on my part.

Namaste.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: auctioneer, author, eckhart tolle, grief, healing, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, Thich Nhat Hanh

Emotional & Sexual Predators (Podcast)

Episode 34: Emotional & Sexual Predators (Podcast).

Please, please, please check out this list of warning signs to see if you've encountered an emotional or sexual predator. They usually seem charming and sweet, especially at first, so protect your heart against these parasites. All too often, they themselves have no idea they are predators, so it's up to you to protect yourself. As a therapist once told me, someone can pretend quite well for at least three months and sometimes up to a year or more, depending on the amount of time you see them. If you live together or see each other daily, it shouldn't tak Take your time and learn about each other slowly. Don't invest more than you're able to lose.

Emotional & Sexual Predators (Podcast)

Original Blog Post

Filed under: Podcasts Tagged: author, broken heart, emotional vampire, emotional vampires, fear, healing, honesty, intimacy, love, LTR, misogyny, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, podcast, polyamory, relationships, romance, sex, steampunk, trust, vampire, vampires, victorian

He Said, She Said

Enough. Seriously.

I've had enough of the he said, she said nonsense. It's partially what came between me and the auctioneer: his ex and what she said to me. What she said to him. What he said to her. Ad nauseum.

I'm done.

Going from a place of complete peace a few days ago, I went to Yoga with his ex, my new friend with whom I have so much in common as emotional women. I really love her, but I got lots of information that I didn't ask for or want.

She said, he misses me.

She said, he feels dumped.

She said, he's hurting.

She said, he and his other, the one he was considering breaking up with a week before we did because they didn't have an emotional or spiritual connection, are "coming into their own," partially because our breakup made them closer.

She said, don't worry, he'll be fine. He'll get over you.

Bottom line, it means nothing unless it comes from him, and he's not talking to me at the moment, nor am I talking to him. We're in that period of No Contact (NC) that is essential after any breakup to gain perspective of what happened. A time that hopefully both people are assessing their emotions and desires. A time that might turn out to be just a break, that speed bump I spoke of, or the beginning of permanent separate paths. (Please let it be the former.)

He said, she said doesn't help. It just confuses things further.

He knows where I am.

He knows I love him dearly.

He knows my arms are wide open.

He knows I'm willing to talk and continue to love together.

.

So, my sweet auctioneer, if you miss me, call me. I'm right here.

I don't want to see it on Facebook. I don't want to hear it from her. I don't want to guess. I don't want to assume.

Let's just talk to each other, okay? Enough of the He Said, She Said bullshit.

This relationship is between me and you. Not me and you and your ex. Not me and you and my husband.

ME AND YOU.

.

As for my lost peace, it's not really lost. It's still there, but it's been more challenging to tap into it after seeing her. It's just another step towards choosing that peace in every moment. Tolle talks about how there are glimpses of it, then they gradually get to be more than glimpses. And that's what this was. A full 30+ hours of peace, and it was lovely. The longest I had ever experienced it, and I'll get there again. I'm there right now, in fact.

I remember once my beloved auctioneer said how he looks forward to the day when that's his normal state and the periods of unconsciousness are the one's that are fleeting. To say, Huh! I was totally in my head, my egoic mind, for that moment, but here is the peace again, rather than the other way around.

It's a process. As is grief.

The cycles of denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance continue. Several times a day I cycle through them. Sometimes anger is the strongest, sometimes depression. Often denial with the hope in my heart that will not die. But acceptance comes, and it goes. When it comes, like the peace, it stays around longer.

I accept this new reality, this new life. It's not the one I wanted, but it's the only one I have. I'm okay overall. There are waves of grief, of course. Part of losing something so dear, but I'll be just fine. And, in case there is any confusion…here it is straight from my own lips (um, keyboard.):

I love you.

I miss you.

I will welcome you with open arms.

I want to rebuild trust and love together.

I want to take it slower and build a stronger foundation. There is no rush. This love isn't going anywhere.

I want to meditate with you again. Have breakfast on the terrace. Taste wine on your lips.

I want to dance with you. Feel dubstep with you. Laugh with you. Hike with you.

I want to worship your body. Bask in your presence. See you in the morning light, the sunshine, and the moonlight along a rushing creek in the middle of the night.

I want to celebrate the joy of being with you.

I want to find a way to this peace we've both glimpsed, supporting each other on this beautiful journey.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Breathing out, I smile.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: auctioneer, author, eckhart tolle, grief, healing, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, Thich Nhat Hanh

Steampunk Spotlight: Steam Powered Giraffe, Take 2

Me & The Rabbit

Last time I posted a Steampunk Spotlight on Steam Powered Giraffe, I hadn't yet seen them live. In fact, it was a guest post by my dear friend Sixpence the Mime.

This time as I write about these amazing men, I'm quite enamored.

I confess: I have a total crush on The Rabbit. (Let's pretend just for a few minutes that he's not young enough to be my son. Hello Ms. Robinson! Cougar crossing!)

I mean, serious crush.

But, that aside. Steam Powered Giraffe as a musical group of unique entertainers simply blew me out of my spats. Not only are their songs charming, both lyrics and melodies, but the way they're performed is unsurpassed. Their gorgeous three-part harmonies takes one back to a simpler time and fills one's ears with pure beauty.

On top of musical excellence, these talented men, The Rabbit (Chris Bennett), The Spine (brother, David Bennett), and The Jon (Jon Sprague), perform it as if they were automatons for the audience's (and especially my) delight. Their robotic movements are impeccable, right down to the way their jaws move while they sing. It's perfectly executed from beginning to end, a complete show with a back story and everything. Vaudeville style.

A lovely example of their ability to beautifully harmonize is above in their new video "Honeybee" on YouTube (find more music on their official YouTube channel SpineRaptor)

Since seeing them live at HRM Steampunk Symposium and then the next weekend at Clockwork Con in Austin, TX, I've listened to their "Album One" CD nonstop. Amazing. Truly.

My favorite song is "Brass Goggles," followed closely by "Electricity is in My Soul."

You can hear some of their music for free on their MySpace page, but please support these amazing entertainers by purchasing their CD on iTunes, Amazon, or from their website. Another way to support the band is to donate to their 2012 2-cent tour Kickstarter. Some wonderful rewards there.

You will not regret it.

Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: author, christopher bennett, clockwork con, convention, cosplay, david bennett, hrm steampunk symposium, jon sprague, love, music, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, steam powered giraffe, steampunk

Embracing Surrender & Finding Peace

And so it's happened.

I get it.

It was on the flight from Atlanta to Dallas after a nap, listening to the gentle voice of Eckhart Tolle read The Power of Now. Words I've heard him read countless times, for I always listen to Tolle when I go for a run or in times of anxiety, if I wasn't too far gone in the fear to remember to listen. I've heard his words again and again, but this time I truly heard the words. I felt them cause a shift in my consciousness, and I was overcome with a deep sense of peace.

Surrender.

Surrender to the pain. Go into it. Don't try to avoid it or deny it, for that causes more pain. In fact, these were the exact words I said to my beloved last week. I knew that was required to transcend pain, but I didn't realize until that moment on the plane that I had not been going into the pain myself. I thought I was, but I was trying to avoid it just like he was.

I deal with it every day. Pain, fear, anxiety. But every day I reach out to friends, old & new, to talk about it. Tell my story. Search for answers. Anything to find a distraction, to try and escape.

But by trying to escape, by seeking solace & support, I just kept the pain cycling through my brain. By trying to escape it, I was actually holding onto it.

When the next twinge of pain from the loss comes, or just the normal fears that pop up in the egoic mind, I will sit with it. Be fully present with it. Feel it deeply and acknowledge it. Let my heart break open wide and then be filled up and healed by the peace and love that emanates from within me. From all life. As they are one.

And by going into it, I will transcend it once again. Just like I did today.

This very thing I told my beloved we could do together, and I still would love the opportunity to have a relationship as a spiritual practice with him, today I realize I can transcend the pain on my own.

I found peace on my own.

My heart calls out to him, hoping we can share this new-found peace and mingle it with our beautiful love, but if he doesn't hear…or isn't ready to hear…that's okay, too. I'm really fine on my own, and I know there will be many more tender hearts with whom to share this love.

I just really hope he's one of them.

Namaste, friends. I can't thank you all enough for your support and time and care over the last week. James CA & James K. Alphasiren. Jason. Thomas. Sam. Virginia. Keith. Erin. Gabe. Jessica. Dr. Q. Reid. Marcus. Michael. Spencer. John. Sweet Lazuli.

And, forever, Ethan.

Now, which is all that exists, I am so happy. So at peace. And it comes from within.

Breathing out, I smile.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships Tagged: auctioneer, author, broken heart, eckhart tolle, enlightenment, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, Peace, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships

Grass is Greener Syndrome

From Anthony Robbins's Awaken the Giant Within:

Questions determine everything in your life, from your abilities to your relationships to your income. For example, many people fail to commit to a relationship simply because they keep asking questions that create doubt: "What if there's somebody better out there? What if I commit myself now and miss out?" What terribly disempowering questions! This fuels the fear that the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence, and it keeps you from being able to enjoy what you already have in your life…Compare this with "How did I get so lucky to have you in you life?…How much richer will our lives be as a result of our relationship?"

As I read these words, I think of my lost beloved and his pattern of doing this, a pattern that has tragically kept him from any sustainable LTR. This pattern that keeps him in the a loop of half-realized, short-lived relationships deeply saddens me. Perhaps the most tragic this time is that he could've still explored other relationships while enjoying the one he had. Never replacing or losing or risking, just by continuing to express the gratitude and love he felt with me while further enriching his life with other experiences. He still could. It's not too late.

Yet.

Although sometimes it feels like it is too late on my end. Other times it is so so so not too late.

Still, as one dear friend told me this weekend, "trying to be overly logical about an emotional situation just creates more stress. The what ifs, whys and hows, when you truly only have your own side to examine, can send you into a dark, dark place."

I can't know what he's thinking or feeling. I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling most of the time this past week. Sadness, for sure. Regret. Despair. Calm. Peace.

Hope.

So much love still. For him and for myself. For my husband & friends & readers.

I am here. Now.

I can experience the present moment and find peace here.

It's been a wonderful surprise for me to remember the joy with a smile instead of tears. To still feel the love along with the loss. To feel the hope for reconciliation with the knowledge that I'm really string on my own. To control the anxiety & grief when it so rarely comes.

Knowing the future is uncertain and embracing that uncertainty.

Knowing that if he returns to me in love, I'll have a choice. And, knowing me, I'll choose love. But I will choose love for myself, and whether or not that means reconciliation will be determined sometime between now and then, in my exploration of myself along with his actions, or lack thereof.

Here is what I do know: The grass is not greener over there.

I acknowledge and am grateful for what I have in my life, for the love & support. I put energy into the relationships I have, and as I always say, relationships are work. Beautiful, loving work of the heart and soul. Human contact & interactions are what makes this life so worth living. Loving and being loved. Supporting & helping others in need or in pain. Graciously accepting such support. Learning. Giving. Touching.

For that same friend said this: "One reason we socialize and make friends and lovers is so we don't have to carry the burdens by ourselves but to have help."

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased. Thus do we refute entropy. ~Spider Robinson

I choose to acknowledge the gifts of love and beauty in my life. And that what we were to each other, my sweet auctioneer: Beautiful Gifts. Like a butterfly on your nose, I showed you beauty in presence. And you showed me the same. We laughed loudly, letting the joy burst from our souls out into the world, letting the love envelop us, lift us, fill us.

Then you shooed me away. But I've just landed on a rose nearby, enjoying the scent and beauty there for the moment. Hoping you'll invite me back to touch the sweetness of your flesh, but remaining happy in life if you don't.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships Tagged: anthony robbins, auctioneer, author, broken heart, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships

Breathing Out, I Smile

Breathing out, I smile.

My entire being, a phrase I use far too often, a testament to the intensity of my emotions, urges me to text these words to him. It's been a week since I sent him a text breaking up. Insensitive way to do it, a decision for which I profusely apologized and offered reasonable terms for reconciliation, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Our fears had won.

Breathing out, I smile.

I'm flying to Georgia for a Steampunk convention, and I don't want to be here on this plane alone. These conventions feel increasingly pointless, as does my life, the book sales are so small. Still, this one is a special one, and I get to see one of my dearest friends.

But in the wake of the third heartbreak in fifteen months, I don't feel like strapping on a corset and posing for pictures all weekend. I feel like being unconscious. Perhaps even dead. Anything to end the struggle. The pain. The emptiness.

Breathing out, I smile.

I open a book by Thich Nhat Hanh entitled Be Free Where You Are to a random page. The words "Wonderful Moment" lines the top, followed by a meditation so similar to one my sweet auctioneer and I did together, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

When I stayed with my sweet auctioneer, we'd wake together in the morning light and bask in each other's presence for at least a half hour before finally making love. Sex with him was always passionate, always present, and often spiritual. The profound connection between us was unlike that I had ever known.

Together, we'd glimpse heaven.

Afterward we'd meditate, reading a passage from Peace With Every Step, also by Hahn. Facing one other, each on a bolster block, we'd close our eyes and mindfully breathe together, attempting to quiet our minds and be present in the love between us. When the harp alarm on his iPhone rang, signifying the end of our meditation, we'd slowly open our eyes and regard the other in our peaceful presence. Such love emanated from his eyes, from mine, between and through and around us. For a moment or two we'd breathe in complete presence. I always stayed there as long as I could, basking…waiting for him to make the first move into the day. When he was ready, he'd place his hands on my thighs and kiss me, never breaking that intense eye contact. We'd rise up on our knees, pressing our bodies together in a loving embrace.

Cereal with almond milk on his terrace soon followed. He'd lean over to kiss me before the first bite. Such was our morning ritual together.

How I miss that beautiful dream we shared.

One of our first meditations was a simple one. He couldn't find the passage in the book, and he wanted to give me this gift of peace that had helped him so often in the past, so he paraphrased: "Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I smile."

That mediation has stayed with me ever since, opening my heart to him and to peace whenever I think of it. One day, while we were both traveling in opposite directions for work, I texted him those words. It was a reminder for me during a particularly stressful travel day, and it reached his phone during a rather stressful business day. Together, on opposite sides of the country, we shared a moment of presence. Of peace.

How I wish I could give that gift of peace once again today, while we both recover from the end of the gorgeous space and love we shared.

"Breathing out, I smile," I'd text if I had the courage. "Wishing you peace today and a beautiful weekend. My love for you hasn't waned."

Then I would ask him not to respond because as much as I want reconciliation, as much as I want him back in my arms, as much as I want to believe this is a pause and not a full stop, any response other than "let's find a way, I love you" would be too painful at this time. I know he desires space and time to process, and I do, too. I know he requires something I'm unable to give at this time and vice versa. I know he must feel sad at the loss of something so beautiful, and I want to offer him the peace I find so fleeting. However, hearing from me might be anything but peaceful to him, so I refrain.

Breathing out, I smile.

Those words give me hope, peace, mindful presence.

Those words fill the void with love and light.

Those words help me feel grateful for my consciousness and the life inside me.

Then, I no longer want to die or be unconscious.

I want to live and love and experience joy.

I want to bring the depth and intensity of the love I feel to others.

I want to help those struggling in pain and crippled by their fears, whether abandonment or engulfment, face and overcome them.

I want to continue my work in overcoming mine, in learning to manage my emotions, not only for the benefit of relationships with others, but for my own peace.

Breathing out, I smile.

Thank you for that gift of peace, my love, my sweet auctioneer who I hold so dear to my tender heart. I will always be grateful for the time and love we shared.

And I will always hope we can find a way through our fears and conflicting issues so that we can come back together in the beautiful love we share, knowing with everything I am what tore us apart is truly manageable and ultimately so insignificant. Knowing nothing is insurmountable in the face of true love, it's just a matter of learning.

Because that heaven we glimpsed together…

That is what's real.

Breathing out, I smile.

Filed under: Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships Tagged: auctioneer, author, broken heart, eckhart tolle, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships, Thich Nhat Hanh

Engulfment Fears: Running Away from Love

Engulfment fears. How I fucking hate those. The opposite of abandonment fears is usually the engulfment fear or fear of deep intimacy.

And it's stupid.

Certainly from my perspective of being in a deeply loving relationship that not only supports me but allows me to be more independent, more me. I'm more free through love.

So with engulfment fears, I never understood what was so scary. Of course, fears aren't rational, but at least with abandonment fears, the fear is more logical in a way. Pain does come with love lost or the end of a relationship. People are afraid of pain. Fear of the pain that comes with the loss of love is more logical, but it is still a largely irrational fear.

I have serious abandonment fears, as I've discussed before, and I recognize that they are largely irrational. I also know from experience the pain that follows the end of a loving relationship, especially one where some level of abuse was involved. But even the loss of a healthy, loving relationship brings profound pain.

But let's look at engulfment fears. These people are afraid of love itself. They are afraid of losing who they are in love, of being consumed by another. And ultimately, these people run away from love and allow their fear to win.

As a woman who loves deeply, I wish I could just give them a glimpse of what it's like to be completely surrounded by and supported by love. It doesn't engulf you, it lifts you up. It elevates. It strengthens. It is a portal for joy and spiritual enlightenment.

Through love, I have never lost who I was. On the contrary, I have become stronger, more independent.

Love is freedom.

Especially in an open, non-monogamous relationship, where love and commitment doesn't mean limitations. Love is limitless. Partners openly love one another and others. Communication is open and honest. Work is magnified, but so is the joy and reward and love.

I love. And I love. And I love deeply. More deeply than most knew possible. I have enough love to give to fill up my husband's love tank, a second significant other, and still have love left over. Love is infinite. My love is infinite.

Someone recently told me that I bring a new meaning to the words "open communication" and "honesty," more intensity than most are used to. For many, I also bring new meaning to the word "love" because I love so deeply and completely.

It's who I am. As I said before, I'm not apologizing for it anymore.

I'm intensely loving and passionate and emotional. I am a strong woman, stronger than even I knew until these past few days. I not only carry my own fears every day, I often carry those of my beloved, as was the case with my most recent relationship. I didn't realize I was doing that until it was crashing to an end.

I was the strong one.

I took on more pain to help ease his engulfment fears because I was strong enough to do so.

I carried him for months, hoping he would find the safety within our relationship to genuinely invest himself this time. To break out of his pattern of short-lived, failed relationships where he ultimately runs away, afraid of engulfment, of losing his freedom, his individuality. To be the deeply loving man he truly is beneath the fear-ridden ego.

Through my patience and strength, I showed him that love and freedom was possible. I showed him that through love, anything was possible.

But ultimately fear won over love, and it saddens me to no end. He's going back into his cycle of short-lived, relatively shallow relationships, searching for the utopia of ease. Wanting the depth of emotion and heights of ecstasy without the responsibility or risk. Without truly investing in a complete relationship with the ups and the downs.

And it breaks my heart, not only for my loss, but also for his struggle.

Still, I'm standing strong. Deeply saddened that he gave up on us so easily. Knowing I did the right thing by standing up for my self-respect. Hoping that he finds a way to see what he's running away from is an illusion. That fear is clouding the love still there for him. Hoping he can find the courage to face those fears.

Understanding he probably won't.

Lamenting that he won't find the love he deserves because he won't allow it past his fears. The spiritual awakening he so desperately seeks is there waiting for him through love, if he could just find the courage to face his fears.

He's not the only man I've known or loved who has engulfment fears, although I think he is the man I've loved the most who has them. I've met many who do. Many women do, too. This isn't a gender-specific fear. I truly thought he had the courage and presence to face those fears and remember the reality of the love beneath them.

I was wrong.

I'm intense. I'm passionate. I feel deeply. I hurt and I get scared. I feel insecure sometimes and am a pillar of strength at other times. I have moments of weakness. I have moments of vulnerability. I love so deeply that it frightens a lot of men. I am a complete woman and I deserve to be loved completely. I deserve love, respect, and reciprocity, as do we all. I deserve to be in a holistic, loving relationship where responsibility is embraced, not avoided. Where love is embraced, not feared.

I'm a powerful woman, and it takes a strong man to be with me. If you can face your fears and look at the face of love in all her profound depth, you will experience things you didn't know possible. You will transcend fear.

You will see heaven with me.

Find the courage to do that and realize the meaning of pure joy.

Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: auctioneer, author, broken heart, engulfment, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, intimacy, love, misogyny, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex

Enlightened Relationships & Transcending Pain

Excerpts from Chapter 8: Enlightened Relationships of Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Putting them out in the blogosphere hoping they find their way to those in need.

-_Q

"It may appear that if you could only eliminate the negative or destructive cycles, then all would be well and the relationship would flower beautifully ― but alas, this is not possible. The polarities are mutually interdependent. You cannot have one without the other. The positive already contains within itself the as yet unmanifested negative."

There cannot be the positive without the negative, or vice versa. Not until both are transcended with true love.

"…there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the "love relationship" now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain. This attack may awaken the partner's own pain, and he or she may counter your attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behavior, so that it can use them again as a cover-up for your pain…

This is one reason why most people are always trying to escape from the present moment and are seeking some kind of salvation in the future. The first thing that they might encounter if they focused their attention on the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew how close they are to their own reality, how close to God."

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. "

The pain is already there, inside you. The relationship brings it out, which is something to be grateful for. It shows you what needs to be addressed, shines a light on it. If you are in a relationship with someone who is also seeking peace and enlightenment, you can help each other minimize the pain-body and the pain-pleasure cycle to find peace together.

"For love to flourish, the light of your presence needs to be strong enough so that you no longer get taken over by the thinker or the pain-body and mistake them for who you are. To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment. To disidentify from the pain-body is to bring presence into the pain and thus transmute it. To disidentify from thinking is to be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior, especially the repetitive patterns of your mind and the roles played by the ego. If you stop investing it with "selfness," the mind loses its compulsive quality, which basically is the compulsion to judge, and so to resist what is, which creates conflict, drama, and new pain. In fact, the moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace. First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego.

Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.

Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.

True communication is communion ― the realization of oneness, which is love. Usually, this is quickly lost again, unless you are able to stay present enough to keep out the mind and its old patterns. As soon as the mind and mind identification return, you are no longer yourself but a mental image of yourself, and you start playing games and roles again to get your ego needs met. You are a human mind again, pretending to be a human being, interacting with another mind, playing a drama called "love."

Although brief glimpses are possible, love cannot flourish unless you are permanently free of mind identification and your presence is intense enough to have dissolved the pain-body ― or you can at least remain present as the watcher. The pain-body cannot then take you over and so become destructive of love."

Please see that we can find our way out of this cycle together. Through practicing and expanding the presence we already share. We can do this, my love.

Relationships as Spiritual Practice 

"..every crisis represents not only danger but also opportunity. If relationships energize and magnify egoic mind patterns and activate the pain-body, as they do at this time, why not accept this fact rather than try to escape from it? Why not cooperate with it instead of avoiding relationships or continuing to pursue the phantom of an ideal partner as an answer to your problems or a means of feeling fulfilled? The opportunity that is concealed within every crisis does not manifest until all the facts of any given situation are acknowledged and fully accepted. As long as you deny them, as long as you try to escape from them or wish that things were different, the window of opportunity does not open up, and you remain trapped inside that situation, which will remain the same or deteriorate further.

With the acknowledgment and acceptance of the facts also comes a degree of freedom from them. For example, when you know there is disharmony and you hold that "knowing," through your knowing a new factor has come in, and the disharmony cannot remain unchanged. When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that surrounds your nonpeace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your nonpeace into peace. As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.

So whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the "madness" in you and in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an opportunity for salvation. Every moment, hold the knowing of that moment, particularly of your inner state. If there is anger, know that there is anger. If there is jealousy, defensiveness, the urge to argue, the need to be right, an inner child demanding love and attention, or emotional pain of any kind ― whatever it is, know the reality of that moment and hold the knowing. The relationship then becomes your sadhana, your spiritual practice. If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, hold it in the loving embrace of your knowing so that you won't react."

Read more here.

 

Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: auctioneer, author, broken heart, eckhart tolle, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, intimacy, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, passion, polyamory, relationship advice, relationships

Steampunk Spotlight: The Tempest

Steampunk Shakespeare! YEAH, BABY! YEAH!

From their Kickstarter page:

The last of Shakespeare's comedies, The Tempest is a wonderful tale of magic both real and imagined, of love as a voyage of discovery, of wild things that cannot be tamed.  It's big and bold and we can't wait to get started.

And yes, there will be gears. Among other things.

Our plan is to produce a well-considered steampunk take on the classic — more than simply "putting a gear on it." As such, our budget will be bigger than usual.

Our Prospero will be an illusionist, the product of a late 19th Century that resembles history, but only just.  His magic will be borne of electricity and steam.  Exiled from Milan, his known world, our wizard will engineer a mechanical world of illusions.  At his side is Ariel, the embodiment of energy unbound, like electricity alive.  His Miranda is just as brilliant as her father, empowered further by hope and joy.  And sharing the island is Caliban, nature itself, doing Prospero's bidding only until he can find a newer, better, stronger master.

North Fulton Drama Club (NFDC for short) is a non-profit and while the proceeds from one show typically funds the next show … for Spring 2012, we're going to need a little help.

WHO ARE THEY?

We're North Fulton Drama Club and we do Shakespeare, outdoors, for free. We've been doing this for almost six years. We believe that theater can be accessible to any and all, so long as we stay true to the text.  To that end, we've taken the works of William Shakespeare to some very unexpected places.

We do big ideas with small budgets.  The works of William Shakespeare are incredibly malleable, and so long as we remain true to the text, there is nothing we cannot do and nowhere we cannot go.

We took Much Ado About Nothing to World War II, our Benedict a hero returning home to a reluctant Beatrice.  Our Macbeth drew the ire of a Marie LeVeau-esque Hecate deep in the Louisiana Delta.

-_Q

Donate to their Kickstarter project. SO COOL!

Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: author, drama, illusionist, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, shakespeare, steampunk, the tempest, victorian