Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 46

cricket news hurl: a lifestyle cricket news column

Jesse Ryder was back last week.  I wrote about it.

I was excited.

So was Jesse.

In his first match back he shook Central Districts down for not one, but two hundreds.  I want you to sit quietly and think about how good that news is.

Admit it, you feel better.

It wasn’t the only win from New Zealand, Chris Cairns had Lalit Modi’s appeal dismissed so that Modi owes him a lot of money, and he has to pay.  Which reminds me of a six Cairns hit off Glenn McGrath at Port Elizabeth one time, which I swear hit a car driving past the stand.  Although I was really drunk at the time.  It was a pull shot.  Probably.

The same Glenn McGrath once sledged Dale Steyn when Dale Steyn was a net bowler who bounced Brett Lee.  It was perhaps the last time ever that Dale Steyn was afraid of someone.  I assume it was McGrath and not facing Lee that truly scared Steyn.

Glenn McGrath’s close personal friend, Ramnaresh Sarwan, has given up his WIPA role.  According to the Jamaica Gleaner (yes, it’s a real paper) Sarwan may have stepped down to smooth over his return to get a Test Match.  If you’re a Marxist, you’re now crying red tears. If you’re a Neo-Con you just squeezed your butler’s cheek.  Perhaps now that the WIPA helped Sarwan sue the WICB successfully, he no longer needed their protection.

Test Cricket needs some protection, or some promotion, or some interest from administracrats who are filling drool buckets while watching T20 cricket.  Cricket Australia, the ICC, and the MCC think that Day nights Tests could help. I agree with them, because if you’re too long for youtube, or not in prime time, you’re nobody.

Prime time is money.  And Test Cricket needs to make money to fund itself. Now there are some who think this won’t work, that we’ll be creating two forms of Test Cricket. That we will have to throw out the old record books, or burn them in some bizarre festival including a naked Ian Botham running around a fire.  But, Test Cricket used to be timeless, and now it isn’t. Test Cricket used to be played on uncovered wickets, now it isn’t.  Test Cricket used to be played by three countries, not it isn’t.  Things change.  It will still be a Test, just occasionally with pink balls.

Cricket Australia have got it spot on.  I don’t often say that.  Unfortunately, while supporting them, I have to point out that they are behind a new cricket lifestyle magazine called TopOrder.  “The magazine will contain food, wine, travel, style, design and motoring content, and feature personalities with a passion for cricket”.  Like you, I go crazy go ga ga for personalities with a passion for cricket.

It should also be pointed out that Australia has no proper monthly cricket magazine being published at the moment, but it does have this quarterly which according to my pink ball pal, James Sutherland, “We feel that TopOrder will be of great relevance for many of those fans and we look forward to offering them a first-rate publication, which will inform and entertain in equal measure.” Yes, TopOrder will be infotainment.

Maybe the magazine will make millions, and if it does, then the SLC and their 70mUSD debt should make a daily infotainment lifestyle cricket magazine.  At the moment the SLC are doing is trying to make their money by cancelling those expensive day Tests, and playing India in as many limited overs matches as they can.

The SLC have now cancelled Test series against the West Indies and South Africa.  Which may seem like a shame, but think of all that money they save by not having to pay their players for a whole Test.

India have taken a break from funding Sri Lankan cricket to play England, and that series will now be properly broadcasted by Test Match Special.  They’ll sit in the ground, and they’ll broadcast the cricket. Although before the Test start Aggers and Co will be brought in to yell at English players while they bat in the nets.

Sandwiched awkwardly between the India V England Tests and England V India limited overs matches are Pakistan. That’s right, INDIA ARE PLAYING PAKISTAN.  Pakistan.  Not Sri Lanka.  PAKISTAN.  It’s the best thing to happen on Christmas Day since Sissy Spacek was born in 1949.  Not everyone likes the idea.  Shiv Sena leader Bal Thackeray is really unhappy.   While you may not like his ideals, or his anti cricket rhetoric, Bal Thackeray is perhaps one of the best names ever.  I don’t think I’d ever be unhappy if that was my day.

In order to protest Bal Thackeray, the new Pakistani T20 League (still unnamed) will possibly clash directly with the IPL.  It’s not really a PCB error (I know, I’m shocked too), but more to do with scheduling.  It does mean that if they use the word premier, and let’s be honest, they’re probably going to use the word premier; it will be less premier than it should be.  Not that T20 leagues aren’t already pushing the word premier as far as they can.

One player who would probably like to play in this Potential Pakistan Premier league (PPPL) is Danish Kaneria.  Instead he is currently banned for life for his role in the Mervyn Westfield match fixing case.  In December Kaneria gets to appeal his ban from the ECB.  The appeal means he can bring in fresh witnesses, and if he does, I hope the press call them mystery witnesses.

Pakistani legspinners are also in the news in Australia, with Australia trying to claim two of them at once.  The first is Abdul Qadir’s son, Usman Qadir, who is (as I write this) the leading wicket taker in South Australia grade cricket.  This kid is so good that Tim Neilsen has already talked about how long he would need to qualify to play for Australia.

By the time Usman Qadir does qualify, he might be going up against Fawad Ahmed, a Pakistani spinner who is claiming that the Taliban ran him out of Pakistan. The Taliban have always hated the flipper Ahmed has been playing Melrbourne grade cricket, and is now being flown into the Australian nets because he bowls like Imran Tahir (all Pakistan leggies are interchangeable) Ahmed can’t qualify for Australia until his refugee status is cleared up.  But with Imran Tahir in South Africa, Qafir and Ahmed in Australia, I think it’s time all teams were given a Pakistani legspinner.

If you don’t like legspinners, you probably like young quicks.  Most people love young quick bowlers, well, unless you’re facing them.  But young quick bowlers are made of cheese.  Brie, nothing like Comté.  So two of the most exciting young bowlers in world cricket are missing some more cricket.  Kemar Roach is missing the Test series against Bangladesh because of bad knee.  And the younger and quicker bowler Pat Cummins is out for the entire Australian summer.

Ofcourse, they will be replaced with other young quick bowlers who will briefly excite you before they break down and upset you again.  Some of those bowlers will be on show at the next Under 19 World Cup in 2014 which is being played in the cricket heartland of the UAE.  Hey, isn’t the UAE where the ICC are based.

The ICC have slightly changed some of the playing conditions in cricket. Not exclusively for the Under 19 World Cup, but for all international cricket.

Such changes include:

Day Night cricket eating habits: The host team, with the consent of the other side, can apply to the ICC for an approval for intervals of 30 minutes each. (If they’re both 30 minutes long, how will we know which one is for tea?)

Hitting the floating camera: If the ball, while in play, is hit by the batsman onto the camera or its cables, it will be called a dead ball. (Can we suggest it was killed by the spyder?)

Super over balls: The fielding captain or his nominee shall select the ball with which he wishes to bowl his over in the eliminator from the box of spare balls provided by the umpires. The box will contain the balls used in the main match, but no new balls. The team fielding first in the eliminator shall have first choice of ball. The team fielding second may choose to use the same ball as chosen by the team bowling first. If the ball needs to be changed, then playing conditions as stated for the main match shall apply. (You’re welcome.)

Last week I talked about how much the ICC and I don’t really care for the Champions League.  But I was wrong, the Champions League does have one thing going for it, it is raising the wage of teachers in Sydney.  OK, only Ian Moran.  How many teachers can take a couple of weeks off to make 80,000 bucks without shoving condoms full of angel dust up their butt? Not many.

And as if the good news just couldn’t stop, everyone’s favourite monstrous opening batsman, Graeme Smith (the less likeable Jesse Ryder), found a sure fire way to make more money, he’s signed on to play for Surrey in County Cricket.  It’s not exactly the IPL.  But he will make the guy at the Oval, you know the one who yells out like he’s been imitating Tom Waits his whole life, really happy.

You know what makes me happy, Victoria’s Rob Quiney scoring 85 against South Africa for Australia A. Glenn Maxwell made 64.  Other people did things as well. If you want to watch Rob Quiney at the MCG this year, you can apply for an MCC membership, and in 68 years the world will be overrun by genetically superior badgers.

If you’ve got anything you think should be in next week’s cricket news hurl, email cricketnewshurlatgmail.com. If you’d like to write about your favourite walking trail in Wollongong for TopOrder, you really should. 

cricket’s radio wars

My grandpa’s massive old wooden radio was handed down to me in 1989. It seemed bigger than I was. It only worked on AM stations. And it sometimes changed the station on its own. The year I received it was perfectly timed, as during that Australian winter I listened the Ashes. In 1989 I was allowed to watch the first hour before being sent to bed. In 1993, I was allowed up until lunch. My parents probably thought that I’d fall asleep listening to the radio. I rarely did, but on the odd occasions I did, any wicket or cracking shot would wake me up.

It wasn’t just the cricket I liked; it was that it was different to ABC Grandstand. Different voices and outlooks than I was used to. It seemed more like an English play than a cricket commentary to my nine-year-old ears. The morning after I’d quote Christopher Martin-Jenkins to my dad. Something about CMJ just spoke to me, and for years he was my favourite commentator. CMJ was alien to me, but in the very best kind of way. At nine, I was already searching for new people and voices.

By 2007 I was so dismayed with all forms of cricket commentary I started writing about cricket. By then I’d been what the boards refer to as a “cricket consumer” for over 20 years and I was frustrated by the lack of new voices. Too much of cricket media was either propaganda or reactionary. Both angered me. Ex-players with great insight were outweighed by ex-players with little of anything. Quotes pieces had taken over cricket news. Too often it was the same people saying the same things over and over again. Few new faces, few new voices, almost no dissenting opinion.

I wasn’t the first to blog about cricket; Will Luke, Ric Eyre, Samir Chopra, Homer, Graeme Beasley, Soulberry, Alex Bowden and many others had done much the same. Some to watch the watchers. Some to make fun. And others to make points about cricket that they thought should be made. Learning about these cricket blogs, and the thousands that came before or after them, completely changed the way I followed cricket. When Twitter followed after that, it opened up cricket writing even further.

It’s not that non-cricketers commenting on cricket was new. Tim Lane worked in a factory, Harsha Bhogle an engineering student and John Arlott was a cop. Samir Chopra is a university professor, Homer a software designer and Alex Bowden works in IT. You don’t have to play a stunning cover drive or bowl a wrong’un to have a valid opinion or make a point.

Most of the stuff written on cricket blogs (much of it written by me) is absolute garbage. Some (often written by Jon Hotten) is absolute gold. Almost all of it is written by amateurs who love the game, who want to be involved in any way they can, who want their thoughts heard and who just want to spread the love of their sport.

People started with blogging, moved to podcasting, jumped on Twitter, the next logical place to land was always going to be live audio streaming. Cricket did not invent this. Other sports like rugby had got in first, but few sports in the world suit radio better than cricket. I knew that when I was nine, and it still holds true.

So Test Match Sofa, and then later Pitch Invasion, started commentating straight from their TVs. Giving the bloggers a living, breathing voice. They were the same sort of amateurs who took to blogging, but they now did it with microphones. And doing so without paying any cricket board for any rights. Series from Australia, South Africa, Sri Lanka, India, the UAE and England have been commentated on via this new method. Three ICC tournaments and a few IPLs have as well.

The loophole is that cricket boards can sell rights to TV and radio, but they can’t sell the rights to people watching the cricket from TV and commentating via the internet. They also can’t stop people from doing it. It’s not actually illegal as current laws stand. ESPNcricinfo does its ball-by-ball commentary by watching a TV, as does the Guardian with their over-by-over commentary. Neither is allowed to do it from most international matches.

The problem is that the BBC have paid for the rights to broadcast via radio, and feel slighted that Test Match Sofa pays nothing to do roughly the same thing.

Some will claim that it is immoral, that by its very existence the pirate cricket commentary services will eventually – if they haven’t already – change the exclusive rights deals of radio broadcasters. Now, while this might be true, it is a long way from happening, and in the four years the Sofa has been around, I haven’t heard of any massive drops in radio broadcast deals.

Either way, while the BBC was in conflict with the BCCI, it was also in conflict with Test Match Sofa. It was literally taking on David and Goliath at the same time, the biggest board in cricket and the most amateur broadcaster in cricket. Both of these clashes brought cricket rights to the forefront.

The BBC were desperate for Test Match Special to commentate in India (unlike Sky, who were also in dispute with the BCCI), as an insider quoted to the Daily Mail: “’Even though we would have every right to broadcast the Indian series from the moon because we’ve paid for the rights, doing so from the UK in this instance might make the public feel, to all intents and purposes, that we are no different from the Test Match Sofa website, whose commentators are based in south London.”

The insider is right. What unofficial broadcasters do is not hard. If you have a voice, a laptop and an internet connection, you could be commentating cricket from your lounge room if you so desired. This fact will change the rights in the future. Why spend heaps of money on hauling your gear and people around just for crowd noise and boring end-of-day player interviews? The BBC still think it’s worth it, but smaller broadcasters might not.

Maybe this is the time to change the exclusive rights deals of radio broadcasters. In the UK, and practically every country outside the subcontinent, cricket is not the biggest sport. Football codes regular beat cricket to headlines. It needs to fight for coverage every single day. So in these markets, we need to do what we can to get cricket to as many people as possible.

One way cricket can do that is by giving non-exclusive radio rights. Perhaps even on a tiered system. Tier one would be inside the ground and with player and official interviews, and would pay a higher fee. Tier two would be from a TV but be able to be broadcast on any radio network that pays for it. It could mean that at a Test match there would be Test Match Special and talkSPORT commentating, and Test Match Sofa or another broadcaster sitting in their studio commentating from TV – perhaps even to smaller radio stations who are willing to pay for it.

Opening up the radio rights would give cricket fans four commentary services to choose from, spread the game further to sport fans who only follow it casually, and give Test Match Special more money (by paying less for non-exclusive rights) to produce their show. There would be more voices talking about cricket in a competitive environment and it would give the ECB a chance to make up any money they might lose from opening up radio rights whilst getting more promotion.

They could even just open the gates. Radio rights are worth a fraction of TV rights, so why not give them away to any radio stations that want to use them. Rather than think of it as losing money, they could think of it as money being spent on promoting cricket.

In my time, I’ve commentated on Test Match Sofa, been interviewed a few times for talkSPORT and been onTest Match Special. In 2009, I commentated on the second series that the Sofa covered (and many since), and in one of the Daily Mail articles about the rift between the Special and the Sofa you can even see me in the picture. Had Test Match Special invited me to be a commentator in 2009, or talkSport to do a radio show, I would have taken the opportunity. But like many people in the media who aren’t former players, I had to accept whatever opportunity I was given, and that was Test Match Sofa. When people ask me to talk about cricket, whether it’s Radio 4 or the Cricket Couch, I do it.

I don’t receive payment for appearing on any of these broadcasts. I do it for the same reason I wrote about cricket in the first place. I wasn’t the first, and won’t be the last. Blogs, Twitter, podcasting and live streaming aren’t going away.

The world is changing, and, as usual, cricket is behind the times. The BCCI does not allow websites media accreditation. The ECB does not allow bloggers accreditation, although that remains under discussion. And at the World T20 the ICC handed out a piece of paper that in no uncertain terms suggested that paper writers were more important than online writers.

This online media gives us Twitter commentators, ball-by-ballers, over-by-overers, bloggers, podcasters, vodcasters and streamers, all while adding to what we already have from radio, TV and print. I like being able to choose. Some days I listen to Sky because I want to hear Mike Atherton’s view on leg-side field placings, some days I listen to Test Match Special to hear Vic Marks talk about cufflinks or spin and some days I listen to Test Match Sofa to hear Daniel Norcross explain how Andrew Strauss’ Tory views have restricted his bowling changes at the Vauxhall End.

This new world meant that in 2010 I was able, from my office, to start up a fanzine called the cricket sadist monthly. I wanted a magazine that took the spirit of cricket writers from out of the mainstream and to talk about global cricket. I liked All Out Cricket, Spin Cricket and the Cricketer, but I thought cricket readers needed something else, something different, something aimed at the people who read cricket blogs and listened to Test Match Sofa. I sent out a press release to over 500 people in cricket. Only one replied. “It sounds both enterprising and interesting. Good luck!” emailed Christopher Martin-Jenkins.

Two years on and this same man has written a piece calling a legal rival cricket broadcaster a predator that should be “nailed” and “swept offline”.

The reason I owned that old radio that I first heard CMJ on was because my grandpa had bought a shiny new mobile radio. Even in his 70s he was a man who was looking to try new things. Had he been offered the option of listening to an alternative commentary service, he would have. Especially given the amount of times he would complain about cricket commentary. But he probably would have ended up back at ABC or Channel 9.

My grandpa’s old radio has been replaced with tablets, phones and computers. If that sounds less romantic than an old radio, then you aren’t using them right. Everyday is a chance to find a new voice talking about cricket. Different now happens far more than once every four years.

cricket news hurl: jesse in whites

This is a new column.  Otherwise I wouldn’t have started with that line.

This is a new column about cricket news.  There is a lot of cricket of news.  Cricket is a billion dollar industry, and people talk about it a lot.

So I have decided to put together all the news (all the news I hear or care about, or just want to make fun of) in a super long column so you can ignore all other cricket news outlets and just use it.

It’s a once a week all you can eat cricket news buffet, because you may have missed something when you were sleeping.  Unless you read the Wellington Intelligentsia, you probably wouldn’t know that the great Jesse Ryder is back playing professional cricket after his undefeated boxing career.  You can’t follow it all, you’ve got things to do, I mean between eating, pooing and playing cricket captain 2012 on your mobile device you barely have a chance to read cricket news and sleep.

And cricket does happen while you sleep.

In my case, I’ve tried to sleep through the entire Champions League. And I very nearly did it.  It’s not that I don’t think Highveld V Auckland isn’t a real cricket contest worthy of my time, it’s just I have decided that I have to sleep through certain cricket tournaments. If you’re going to sleep through any tournament it’s worth sleeping through the one big cheeses at the ICC see as a general annoyance they wish would go away.

Now it has gone away for another 12 months, the Sydney Sixers (the pink deniers) won easily, but luckily not before we all got a look at the bearded behemoth of T20 cricket giving us all the pure visceral Dirk Nannes that we need to live our lives.

But we’ve had enough of T20 tournaments; most of us don’t even care whether the dancers can dance or not. It’s A teams we really want.

The Indian and Australian A teams were certainly odd.

Australia has refused to pick any real seamers, and have picked every single allrounder who isn’t Luke Butterworth or Mitch Marsh that they can find.  They’ve even dusted off Andrew McDonald who was far too competent in his last performance for Australia and was shelved in the Damien Martyn cell for cricketers out of favour.  Importantly, there are four Victorian players in this squad.

The Indian A squad has less all rounders, and Victorians, and is perhaps the most tactical selection of an A squad since Steve Harmison bounced Phil Hughes in 2009.  No spinners? I mean come on, even with Bhajji being bumped down the contract list and Piyush Chawla being the most hated Indian since Rohit Sharma, it seems weird that India would have no spinners in their A squad against England, unless it was a tactic.

You can’t practice against spin if the opposition doesn’t give you any.  England need as much practice against spin as they can get.  They’d be better off skipping lunch and breakfast than missing any time against spin, and yet look at India playing hard to get to the pitch of the ball with them.  I think India could, and should, go further.  They shouldn’t let any of their batsmen bowl any part time spin in this match.  They also shouldn’t allow any spinners turn up to bowl to Ian Bell in the nets.   And they should even bring in a new law that doesn’t allow India TV networks to show spin.  England should be entering a spin free world until they have to face the slow moving assassin Ravi Ashwin in Ahmedabad.

If Ashwin was Australian he would have been killed at birth.  Well, not at birth.  But once he started balling a doosra.  Although technically he doesn’t down a doosra, he does bowl a carrom type ball, and that might have saved him.  But Australia doesn’t believe in the doosra.

“It’s a chuck” all Australians say at once. Even me.  Especially me.

I think pretty much everyone chucks.  I’ve started fights during indoor cricket matches, had team mates stop talking to me after questioning their action in the nets and been pulled from doing square leg duty in matches just incase I’d call an opposition bowler.  Geoff Foley, Aaron Bird, Jenny Gunn, Troy Corbett, Murali, Kumar Dharmasena, some bloke in the IPL whose name I’ve forgotten and South Australia’s Johan Botha are just a few of the many people I think who chuck.  I also think my mum chucks.  I’ve not seen her bowl in years, but her action was far from legal at many BBQs.

But regardless of any moral thoughts myself and other Australians may have, doosras exist in modern cricket and the arm can flex 15 degrees regardless of Australian mindsets.  Which is what makes John Inverarity’s statement about integrity so odd.  Australia is a country that plays to win cricket matches, not moral wars. Teaching their spinners doosras might help with that.  And the delivery is legal, integrity be damned.

While John Inverarity may be a tall streak of integrity from West Australia, his fellow West Australians, the Marsh Brothers, are not. Being dropped for a dead rubber in a tournament that few care about may not be a big deal, but for Shaun Marsh it seems to be rock bottom.  This time last year he was the first drop for the Australian team.  Now he’s missing a game for the Perth Scorchers.  He couldn’t be further from Australian selection at the moment if he was Luke Ronchi.

For Mitch Marsh, it was just a typical Australian 21st birthday.  However, for the second time in less time than it takes for Hashim Amla to score 300 runs,  Marsh’s drinking has gotten him in trouble.  Getting sent home from the cricket academy is bad, but failing to get picked in an Australian A team that has every single other all rounder who isn’t Luke Butterworth is criminal.

It was about this time last year that Mitch Marsh was trying to get my help in landing women for him on twitter.  It’s not exactly batting at number three for your country, but it also wasn’t getting drunk and missing out on an A spot.

Being drunk is not the worst thing you can do in cricket.  The worst you can do is mankad someone, the second worst is calling for a runner because you’re too fat to run, and the third is match fixing.

Salim Malik was once kicked out of cricket for match fixing, and not, as many believe, because his moustache was a crime against nature.  Now he wants to come back as a batting coach for the Pakistani cricket team.  If Ijaz Butt was still around, Malik would probably have had a better chance.

Pakistan are very busy at the moment, not hiring Malik, but giving the world another T20 cricket league the world probably doesn’t want. But they’re also buying buses with bulletproof glass.  Or they’re putting bulletproof glass on buses they already own.  I didn’t really read the article; I read enough stuff about bulletproof things on Al Jazeera.

And yet on Al Jazeera at the moment is this little clip on American cricket, which I am only showing you so I can make a public request for someone to send me a cricket shirt with NYPD on it.  It’s not just Al Jazeera who are covering American cricket.  The Crimson is Harvard’s newspaper covered cricket recently.

Harvard’s cricket team was formed in 1868 and in 1887 the Crimson ran this:

“Gentlemen: We wish, in the name of the Harvard University Cricket Association, to challenge, through your paper, Yale University to play a match game of cricket next spring, the date and place to be arranged here-after. The challenge will remain open until Feb. 1, 1888. Hoping that we shall soon have a favorable answer, we are yours very truly,

JAMES B. MARKOE, President.

T. WILLING BALCH, Treasurer.

REYNOLDS D. BROWN, Secretary.”

 

125 years later they played for the first time, and Harvard beat Yale by 175 runs in a T20 game.  Yale performed worse than a USACA executive on Facebook.  I would talk about the hilarious and harmful actions of Kenwyn Williams more, but I am only a blogger, and without my NYPD cricket shirt, Kenwyn Williams would sue me for saying anything about him that wasn’t nice.

USACA is a cricket board that should be kicked out of cricket until it gets itself together, or has a new facebook page.

The BCCI also had a PR problem this week.  But they don’t care.  There is something to admire about the BCCI.  No other cricket board would perform a public shakedown this unnecessary.  Of all the boards in all the lands, no one needs the money less than the BCCI, but here they are, holding SKY and the BBC over the edge of a balcony.

The Suge Knight of cricket.

It’s a double dipping move by the BCCI, charge them once for the rights, and then charge them another fee for charging up their mobile phones in the comfort of their own broadcasting box.

Ofcourse, no other board could afford to do it.  Pakistan pays cricket journalists to cover cricket.  Australia, New Zealand and the West Indies had a handful of journalists between them at the World T20.  Cricket is a minority sport outside the sub continent.  It’s only England and India who land in foreign lands with a legion of TV, radio and press journalists to cover the event.

If England can afford to pay their way, they should be shaken down for every last dollar.  Sri Lankan Cricket were clever to shake down the English fans on the last Test series.

The BCCI should go further, all journalists should be charged for commentating and promoting the game of cricket.  The good news is that espnCRICINFO don’t get accreditation from the BCCI to cover Indian cricket matches, so we won’t get charged.

But the BCCi do need this money with their IPL franchises attracting less and less money and how else will they pay for the 80 foot high solid gold statue of N Srinivasan they have planned? And if they don’t have it planned, they should.

Administrators also had a role in Bangladesh getting a new coach.  Richard Pybus was coach of Bangladesh for about five minutes.  Pybus claimed interference from the administrators, but I suspect that really Bangladesh was hoping he’d leave so they could get Sheffield Shield legend Shane Jurgensen into the main job.  If you’re keeping count, Jurgensen is the fifth shield player to be coach of Bangladesh joining such worried looking men as Dav Whatmore, Trevor Chappell, Jamie Siddons and Stuart Law.  It won’t be long now before Joe Scuderi gets a go.

There was a time when I loved everything about Joe Scuderi, but these days I’m more of an Angelo Mathews man.  Sri Lanka have made their first move towards becoming a Angelo Mathews team, with him as T20 captaincy.  With Kumar and Mahela clearly not that interested, and Dilshan not exactly made for leadership, it seems only a matter of time before Mathews gets another captaincy job, and then another one.

When Mathews gets all three forms of captaincy, he can trade them in for x ray glasses.

But it’s really all about Jesse Ryder this week.  Right as I type this he is wearing whites and playing cricket. Whites.  It’s awesome.  Think about that.  Jesse Ryder, playing cricket, just as our robotic alien demigods always wanted. He even bowled.

Importantly Victoria beat Queensland in a One Dayer this week.

If you’ve got anything you think should be in next weeks cricket news hurl, email me at cricketnewshurl@gmail.com.  If you’re a sculptor and you’d like a chance to work on the Srinivasan statue, you can contact the BCCI directly for a small fee.  

Sammy plays

People love to abuse, mock or belittle Darren Sammy. He is, after all, West Indies’ non-playing captain.

Most people don’t think he should be in the side, and even those who do don’t think he should be leading it. He’s a punchline or a punching bag. His medium pace is very gentle and his wild slogging is rarely effective. In his World Twenty20 winning side he is only more naturally talented than Johnson Charles, Denesh Ramdin and Samuel Badree.

Michael Holding, most cricket fans on twitter, and anywhere West Indies cricket gathers there are people that don’t want Sammy as captain of the side. Most of those people don’t want him in the side at all. He’s not good enough, he brings nothing to the side, Chris Gayle could do a better job and he’s taking the spot of someone better, is what they say. They say it a lot.

Sammy has heard all of this. He’s just a nice guy. You could imagine him at a friend’s party, being holed up in the corner by someone who is telling him he should step down because he isn’t good enough. Every day he plays for West Indies, he simply does his best. Sometimes it is not good enough, but you can see how much he tries, see how much he wants it, and see that he is trying to build something for the islands and cricket team he loves.

Tonight this barely-talented, slow-bowling guy who isn’t that good is the captain of the World Twenty20 champions.

His innings was as far from pretty. He barely kept out yorkers, hit crazily across the line, mistimed almost everything and bludgeoned a couple of boundaries in the last over. He heaved West Indies to a score that Sri Lanka could not challenge. This was a captain’s innings.

Off the field, Sammy has strolled around his tournament with a grin, always happy to chat, always smiling and never looking like a man under pressure. He is known as the “the unofficial nicest man in cricket”. Every press conference he has pushed unity of his many nations. He has done everything he can to keep his often-fractured team together. He is using this tournament to build something special. Something for the future. Something the people of the West Indies can be proud of.

“1st huddle conquered now on to the super 8 one people one team one goal wi bleed maroon…” from @DarrenSammy

With the ball, he came on at a time when Sri Lanka had thrust Angelo Mathews up the order. Mathews can score quickly, Mathews can get your run-rate back on track, Mathews is a big-game player, and Mathews is a closer. Sammy brought up his fine leg, knowing Mathews would be tempted. Sammy tried an offcutter and Mathews fell straight into his trap, missing the ball as it moved further away from him off the pitch. Mathews was no longer the match-winner. In his next over Sammy let one run through and collected the wicket of the last recognised batsman. This was clever and gutsy bowling from a leader.

Just having West Indies enter a tournament with a realistic chance of winning was a victory for Sammy. West Indies have not been travelling the world blazing all the teams they pass. They’ve played well at times against England, Australia, India and New Zealand. People have often talked up a West Indies renaissance before, but in the cold hard light of an international tournament it has fallen apart. To win this tournament you need luck, skill and timing.

“Booooom what a performance by team Windies. One team one people one goal one more hurdle. For the fans. Wi All In” from @DarrenSammy

In the field Sammy used his bowlers brilliantly. His use of Badree was different than normal, but perfect for the situation. He got through cheap overs from Gayle and Marlon Samuels to give himself flexibility. He used Sunil Narine as a strike weapon and someone who could be kept as a saver. And he had Sri Lanka batting the exact way he needed them to bat. Nothing ever got away from him and, even when Kulasakera was hitting out, he just brought back Narine to finish it all and not let his players get nervous. His captaincy was directly responsible for Sri Lanka’s failure.

West Indies were lucky to even make the semi-finals. New Zealand should have beaten them in their regular innings, but Narine was just too good and sent them to the Super Over. Then in the Super Over someone made a huge mistake. It was the only time West Indies truly looked like a team who wasn’t sure who their leader was. Samuels bowling the Super Over was just wrong, and was only undone by Samuels batting in the Super Over. A mistake like that, and the lack of cohesiveness out on the field while it happened, could have been enough for previous West Indies sides to lose their focus and play limply in the semi-final and fade away.

Instead they played their most perfect game and smashed Australia in every way.

Every single player on this team has a role. This is not a team of flashy show-offs who do solo missions. It is a talented team with a captain who trusts and manages his players the best way he can. In the final, they did not panic when they couldn’t score, they simply waited for their time. They did not panic when they couldn’t break through, they simply worked very hard. That is a team, and this team has a leader.

“Wi bleeding maroon for the fan..this is it … One team One people One Goal…” From @Darrensammy

In the final of the World T20, Sammy ended with 2 for 6 off two overs, 26 off 15 balls and a trophy. It doesn’t sound like non-playing.

Sammy is the man no one wanted as a player. Sammy is the man who no one wanted as a captain. And Sammy is the captain who has given his team their first major ICC trophy since 1979.

“This is it for the fans wi bleed maroon wi came wi saw and wi conquered. One team one people and the goal was achieved” From @Darrensammy

England are better, Australia are back to back

England are the world’s best women cricket team.

They have shown this by regularly slapping the ass off anyone who crosses their path.

If women’s cricket teams were villages, England would’ve burned them all fucken down.

Sarah Taylor is a fucken superstar.

Katherine Brunt is really good.

And they have a team of spinners that eats up wickets around the world.

Today they lost.

To Australia.

In a final.

Final.

I’ve lost all sorts of sporting matches in my life.  Sometimes we’ve been lucky to be there, sometimes we’ve been as good as the opposition, and sometimes we’ve been better and played really shit.

England did the last one.

They’re not massively better than Australia, but they are better.

And that is what would hurt.

Not getting to within six runs off the last ball only to drip it along the surface. That they were even in that situation to begin with.

England didn’t really seemed to be playing Australia at all, they seemed to be playing against the run rate and the pressure.

And one worried them and one shat on them.

People often say, the best side won.

But, while Australia were the best side on the day, they don’t really look like the best side altogether.

Australia saved their freak out for so late in the game that it didn’t matter, just.

It is almost important at this point to say two things, Australia have won two thirds of all Women World T20s.

And that Jess Cameron is from Victoria.

Result: Back to back, baby.

two chucks day 19

the doherty over

George Bailey and Xavier Doherty have known each other since they were kids. Tonight Bailey tested that friendship by throwing Doherty into a vat of acid to see if he could swim. Doherty was demolished.

There was no one other than Bailey who thought bowling Doherty in that last over was anything other than a colossal mistake. West Indies had the two people in world cricket most likely to eat Doherty alive with the bat in their hands. They were well set, relaxed, already had a big total, and had cartoon drool coming out of their mouths as Doherty held the ball at the top of his mark.

Doherty’s first two overs had gone for 23, it was probably his worst bowling performance of the tournament already, and now he had six balls at Pollard and Gayle when they only had one thing on their minds, how far they could hit him.

To his credit, Doherty looked reasonably calm as he walked up. There was no reason to be calm. The score was already 180, and Australia had only taken three wickets. He and Bailey placed the field carefully, although it seemed like a waste of time even then.

The first ball was a disaster. It couldn’t have been worse. A finger-spinner bowling a knee-high full toss to Chris Gayle is like throwing a cabbage at Swamp Thing. Gayle just hit it. He’s been hitting full tosses for six since he grew fingernails in the womb. Sometimes you hear the commentators say that low full tosses can be really hard to get away. They don’t mean this kind; this kind is hit for six by players who don’t hit sixes. Gayle smashed it.

Brad Hogg had been the pick of the spinners in this match, he had an over left. David Hussey was quite often used at the death, he had two overs left. It’s doubtful whether any other captain would have thrown the ball to Doherty, or found a situation where he thought it was the right thing to do. Doherty is good at the start, against South Africa he set up the match with the new ball. He slides the new ball well, and gets just enough purchase to make the batsmen worry. At the end he seems like a less-viable candidate as he has little mystery and seems to come onto the bat really well.

The next ball had to be something special, it had to land to begin with. It had to be out of Gayle’s arc and it had to stay on the playing surface. Doherty showed that he was calm and good enough to bowl the finger-spinner’s trusty retort, the fired-in one at the pads. Gayle couldn’t smash it, he couldn’t do much with it at all, he just let it hit his pad and limp a single.

In normal life, and for large parts of the rest of the innings, Gayle being off strike had been Australia’s dream. It seemed much of their tactic was simply to keep him from being on strike. Considering Gayle had batted the entire 19.2 overs, and the score wasn’t 300, it had worked. But now Kieron Pollard was in. Pollard is someone who can look rubbish at the start of any tournament or series, but then he warms up. Considering he often struggles against real pace, and he’d just driven a 150km yorker for four and scooped another one straight over his head, it was quite clear he was the Killer Kieron, not the Pillock Pollard.

Doherty went straight at him on a length, probably thinking he could slip one through him. As he saw Pollard get down on one knee, he must have even thought he’d got under the bat on a pitch where the spinners had kept the odd ball low. Instead Pollard slogged it hard to midwicket, flat and dangerous. Hogg came around, and flung his hand at it, but was probably lucky it didn’t take his hand for six as well.

This was now horrible for Doherty. Much like in Adelaide.

Doherty’s often been thought of as a good limited-overs bowler, but many were shocked when he was brought into the Australian Test squad. The man had a stutter ball, was often calm under pressure and had good control, but nothing about him screamed Test bowler. He was clearly brought in as the left-arm equivalent of Nathan Haurtiz, a stocker bowler who could keep the run-rate down.

In Adelaide, Kevin Pietersen ruined that theory. Pietersen looked like he wanted to take out all his previous bad-form frustration and problems with losing the captaincy out on Doherty. It was brutal punishment, and the one thing Doherty was supposed to do, he couldn’t. Pietersen was simply too good, too aggressive, and Doherty was yanked from attack between the 65th to the 103rd over. Bowling between overs 65 to 80 was one of the main reasons he was in the side in the first place.

Yet again he had a KP tormenting him. And his fourth ball was a low full toss, the one that is supposed to be hard to hit. Pollard hit it hard. He cleared long-off with it. West Indies had now scored 19 runs off the over, and were 199.

Doherty’s over was now beyond horrible, and there were still two balls left. Doherty bowled seam when he was a kid, and he resorted to what seamers do when the batsmen is hitting them everywhere. Full and straight. Perhaps Pollard moved back in the crease, maybe Doherty missed the blockhole by an inch or two, but Pollard just blew it away for another six.

The West Indies had now jumped the magical 200-mark. Even the superhuman Shane Watson would struggle to get Australia there. The last ball from Doherty was much like when he took the wicket of KP in Adelaide, it meant nothing; all the damage was done, and would be replayed for years to come. Pollard slicing the ball to long-off was not a victory for Australia, Doherty or Bailey; it was just a chance to leave the field.

By the time Bailey was next involved in the game, Australia could not win the match. Bailey played perhaps his best innings for Australia. It showed guts, determination, took a swipe at his many detractors and was the only reason Australia made it to triple-figures. There was proper anger in his batting, he really wanted to make a mark. It was also like screaming at a hurricane.

For Doherty there was no fightback, saving grace or moral victory; he was simply the victim. The only screams for Doherty were screams of laughter from the people who’ve never had to bowl the last over of an innings at two of nature’s perfect killers while the cricket world watches.

Result: All the Australians still have their teeth, Johnson Charles is a member of the illuminate.

aussie women need runs

Nineteen off 21, 11 off 11, 23 off 25, 21 off 25 and 19 off 22. It’s a start for Australia, but not much more.

Meg Lanning, Jess Cameron, Lisa Sthalekar, Alex Blackwell and Jodie Fields all looked good at times, but none kicked on, in strike-rate or total. It was like they all had an invisible wall they would run into as they approached 25. It meant that the total of 115 was just within reach of West Indies, even without Stafanie Taylor or Deandra Dottin adding anything to the total.

It was the Australian bowlers, led by the miserly Sthalekar and the wicket-taking Perry, who made 115 look far more impressive than it was.

The important thing is the Aussies still won, and made the final. The worrying thing is that not a single Australian batsman has made a half-century in this tournament. In fact, the highest score is 42. Forty-two. It’s not what you expect to see of a team which has made it through to the final. It’s what you expect of a team that didn’t even qualify for the semis.

India, who didn’t qualify for the semis, have a 50 in this tournament from Poonam Raut.

Australia is clearly the second-best team in this tournament; West Indies and New Zealand both have good players, India has Mithali Raj and Jhulan Goswami, and Sri Lanka, South Africa and Pakistan are a level below at this stage. But England just look far ahead.

England barely worked up a sweat while beating Australia and New Zealand easily in their last two games. When their batsmen get in, they make big fast scores, generally in match-winning partnerships. For some reason, the Australians are not doing that. It’s not like their batting line-up lacks talent. Lanning is a very good player, Cameron can smack the ball, Sthalekar is pure class, Blackwell holds the middle order together, Healy strikes well and Fields plays like Australian wicketkeepers have for decades. But you don’t win many finals with a run-a-ball 20-odd.

On a pitch with little spin, acting was slow and low, West Indies choked Australia with 10 overs of spin to start the match. It wasn’t a tactic especially to slow Australia, just something the Windies had been using all tournament, but Australia never really handled it well. There were some boundaries, and some singles, but not enough of either, and never a good combination of both.

The West Indies bowlers were all decent, and they worked well together, but Australia should have scored far more. Jodie Fields said they would have been happier with 140. They shouldn’t have lost as many wickets as they did. They should have worked the often-strange field placements of the West Indies. They should have just done better.

Australia have one last chance to get it right, but they won’t be playing the plucky West Indies side, they’ll be playing the most brutal and unforgiving team in world cricket. A team full of match-winners, who all know their roles, and who will expect to win the tournament they have dominated so far. They are talented, well schooled and the most professional team in women’s cricket. To beat them, you need to be at your very best. A succession of super-fast cameos might help you win. An epic innings often will.

Australia may be the reigning champions and these conditions might be different to Galle, but they will need to significantly improve on this performance to make the final a fair fight. Stacking up another pile of 20 odds won’t do it.

Result: Arisa Mohammad: One step into her run up, she leaps into their air with her arms touching the sky, then skins in, and bowls round arm finger spin off what appears to be from the wrong foot a mile back from the crease. Awesome.

two chucks at the world t20 day 18

What’s behind Watson: the Australian story

West Indies tours for Aussie fans are often dream-like. They’re late at night, often look like someone had smeared Vaseline on the lens and have a kicking soundtrack. It also means that more people hear about great deeds by Aussie players in the Caribbean, than actually see them.

It also means when something happens in an ODI series as Australia tour the West Indies that no one cares about, few fans notice.

Had they stayed awake, looked through the soft-focused Vaselined screen and kept the sound down as not to wake anyone in the house, they would have seen one man tormenting the Australian batsman:Sunil Narine. In a five-match series he took 11 wickets at an average of 14.45 and a scary economy rate of 3.32. He stopped the top order from scoring and dismissed the middle and lower order with ease. Narine was still a mystery to world cricket, his faux-hawk was barely known, his mystery knuckle ball was unplayable and his offspinner gripped and ripped off the dusty surfaces. It was even before he became a cult hero in the IPL.

In the oppressive heat of Sri Lanka, Australia will again meet West Indies, a side who have many players who can win a T20 match on their own. Chris Gayle can decapitate a bowling unit, and he’s done that to Australia before. Marlon Samuels can score with ease and make decent bowlers doubt themselves. Dwayne Bravo changes the game with the bat, the ball or with his hands. Kieron Pollard can score at a strike rate that previously never existed. Fidel Edwards bowls swinging yorkers. And even backup players like Andre Russell are capable of amazing destruction.

Yet when the West Indies looked like they would lose to New Zealand and fall out of the tournament, it was Sunil Narine who bowled two overs for only five runs in the 17th and 19th of the match. He also took two wickets.

Australia have already shown they can beat West Indies at the Premadasa in this tournament. In that match, Narine bowled two overs for 15 before the rain came down before he got to bowl his last two overs, and the Australians played him quite cautiously. If they find themselves in another big chase, with a soaring run rate required, their battle with Narine could be the difference between playing in the final or not.

The group game against West Indies was not all smooth sailing for Australia. They punished their bowlers and actually should have made more than the 192 they ended with. No Australian bowler went for less than seven-an-over. The West Indies handled the pace of Mitchell Starc and Pat Cummins easily, Johnson Charles aside. Dan Christian just didn’t look like a viable option with the ball. Brad Hogg tried hard, and took one of his two wickets in the tournament. And Glenn Maxwell got Gayled for 17 runs in his one over. But it was a great pitch for batting, as the Australian top order showed when they smacked the West Indian bowlers everywhere.

While all of Australia’s matches have been in Colombo, the pitch has changed on Australia. It is no longer the pace-friendly wicket of late September, it’s quickly becoming the spin-happy track of early October. The constant use of this square has brought it back in favour of the spinners and sub-continental batsmen.

Starc and Cummins’ pace was a real factor at times early in the tournament. Cummins beat up the Indians and barely went for a run. Starc was almost as good against the Pakistanis and took three wickets. Sohail Tanvir showed that, even though the pitch is spinning more, the fast bowlers could still be important, although their pace will be less so against West Indies.

But there is no doubt that spin will play a massive part from here on in. The England v New Zealand women’s match was dominated by the English spinners, and for the first men’s semi-final the ball continued to spin considerably. Xavier Doherty came in for Christian a few matches back and has by far been Australia’s best spin option in this tournament. His early wickets against South Africa set up the game, and against Pakistan he took the wicket of their best batsman Nasir Jamshed.

Brad Hogg has struggled far more. It’s not that Hogg has been a catastrophe; he’s just not had the impact he had when he first made his comeback. His economy rate of 7.5 is fairly high – only Cummins is worse for Australia – and Hogg’s batting is now non-existent. At the age of 41 his eyes can no longer allow him to bat like a man with an average of 35. Australia are yet to bat all the way down in this tournament, and they may not, but Hogg is now probably Australia’s No. 11.

With the middle order struggling to get a hit, or look good when they do, it seems Glenn Maxwell is the man who may make way for David Hussey. Maxwell has done little wrong, but he is being barely used as a bowler, and has had little chance to perform with the bat, only batting twice in the tournament for one failure. It would also be a panic move from Australia, as Hussey was in terrible form in the UAE, and most of the Australian middle order have had only one chance to bat under pressure.

Australia could also drop Hogg for David Hussey. Maxwell and Hussey could combine as the fifth bowler whilst strengthening the batting. When Doherty came in for Christian, Australia lost another batting option, this would fix that problem, and while Hussey’s bowling is not of the standard of Hogg’s in the real world, this is T20, where Hussey’s step, step, sling, offspin can work.

On paper the West Indies side looks like a side that should beat Australia, but on the field they seem to be unsure and their decision to bowl Marlon Samuels in the Super Over against New Zealand seemed to stem from the input of too many people apart from Darren Sammy. They are a dangerous opponent, but one that Australia will believe they can beat.