NeonSeon's Blog, page 4
May 3, 2019
Shoutyzilla
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Shoutyzilla, like Godzilla 2019, comes out of the Pacific sporting a tiny head and breathing fire.
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April 16, 2019
The Compliment
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Leonard: “I keep forgetting to tell you, you are a pro,” Shouty is smiling and blushing, “…at reading…” Shouty looks perplexed, “self-help books.” Shouty stares out into space.
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April 12, 2019
Annual Checkup
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Shouty: “Is there anything my body’s doing well?”
Doctor: “Well…yes! It is very efficient…” Shouty leans in, smiling, “…at storing fat.”
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April 9, 2019
Fingernails
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As Shouty watches TV, he thinks to himself: “I gotta remember to cut my nails.” In bed, he thinks to himself: “Gotta cut my nails.” At work, a co-worker is viewing his monitor with him and says, “Which item are you looking at?” Beads of sweat come down Shouty’s face. Shouty points to the item on the monitor, his long fingernail making the noise “clink” when it hits the screen.
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April 5, 2019
Nose Blowing
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Shouty: “I’m lucky….I rarely have to blow my nose.”
Leonard: “The body produces 1.5 quarts of mucus a day, but that doesn’t mean it all gets blown.”
Shouty: “What do you mean?”
Leonard: “Well, yours could be going through the back…like post nasal drip.”
Shouty looks disgusted.
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April 2, 2019
Do Not Try This at Home
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First frame: Sock-Sock looks unbothered as a mean bear comes into her space.
Second frame: Sock-Sock is chillin’ as a hungry wolf approaches.
Third frame: Sock-Sock jumps for her life, fur sticking straight up in fear, in response to seeing a cucumber on the floor.
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March 29, 2019
Productivity’s Up
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Leonard, as Shouty is typing away on his laptop: “You’ve been so productive lately. What’s your secret?”
Shouty, holding a small bottle: “It’s my new cologne. Elon Musk.”
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February 15, 2019
Grammar Tips
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Farther v. Further
“I don’t know if I can walk any farther.”
“Let’s take the argument a step further.”
When you’re talking about distance, use farther (think far away). For everything else, use further. [Shouty says, “Cool!”]
Less v. Fewer
“There is less grass.”
“There are fewer blades of grass.”
“Less stuff.”
“10 items or fewer.”
If you cannot count it, use less. If you can count it (1 dog, 2 dogs), use fewer. [Shouty looks contemplative and says, “Hmmm…Interesting”]
Me v. I
“He paid Kim and me.”
“Kim and I ate.”
Remove the other person to know whether to use I or me: He paid me / I ate.
“Jim is older than I.”
Finish the sentence to see that you use I instead of me: “Jim is older than I am.” [Shouty’s mind is blown.]
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February 12, 2019
Passing the Buck
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Leonard: “Can you remind me to buy some paper towels?”
Shouty: “Sure, just remind me when we get to the store.”
Leonard, astonished: “Really?”
Shouty smirks and gives a thumbs up.
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February 8, 2019
#10YearChallenge
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Ten years ago, this Facebook user had 483 friends with four profile pictures showing a smiling man in a portrait shot, a cyclist, a mountain, and a cat. Ten years later, this Facebook user has fewer friends at 208 with four profile pictures showing the Black Lives Matter logo, a quote attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”, the Rainbow Flag, and a blacked out profile picture.
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