Xan West's Blog, page 12

A Starter Pack of BDSM Romance

Yesterday I was talking with Mia Hopkins about BDSM romance, and how so much of it is rooted in fantasy.

I’m especially entertained by the visions of BDSM clubs that exist in the genre. The secret societies. The corral where you park your submissive to hang with your Dom buddies. The hierarchy where there is the toppiest top of all who is the top of everyone below him at the club. The expectation that you have an advocate present when you negotiate with a new top. The intense background checks run by the folks running the club to ensure everyone’s safety. The training programs. The staff that are there to serve you, or top you, depending on the book. The subs lined up against the wall waiting to be chosen. I get a real kick out of reading these kinds of fantasies of BDSM community, and someday I may write a whole post just about them.

Not to mention the range of other fantasies that abound in BDSM romance, from magical dominants who read your mind to submissives who can spot a “real” dom a mile away. From billionaires to geniuses to inventors all focused on giving you your wildest dreams of a fantasy erotic life where mundane worries melt away and everything from trust issues to sexual shame to PTSD is cured by the right Scene. There are a lot of books that revel in these kinds of fantasies of rescue and certain safety and very little work or negotiation being necessary to the practice of kink. Which makes sense, because those themes are very common in the romance genre.

Mia asked me for recommendations for a different kind of BDSM romance, the kind that’s not focused on presenting a fantasy, but is realistic. A starter pack, if you will, for a reader new to the genre. So, here you have it, in blog post form: my recommendations for BDSM romance that is rooted in realism.

The Theory of Attraction, by Del Dryden. Geeks, novice submissive, autistic top, slow burn. Heterosexual pairing. Dominant man, submissive woman. Part of a series that follow a group of friends, all BDSM romance.
Sway, by Lauren Dane. Novice submissive character I absolutely adore. Top coming into his own. Heterosexual pairing. Dominant man, submissive woman. Part of a series that follows a group of friends, some are BDSM romance, most are not.
Play With Me, by Alisha Rai. Exes coming together. Scorching D/s. Whole trilogy (following the same couple) is worth reading. Heterosexual pairing. Dominant man, submissive woman.
For Real, by Alexis Hall. Experienced, bitter older submissive, novice dom. Sweet gay romance. Part of a set of linked books (I haven’t read the others yet). My review on Goodreads.
Sated, by Rebekah Weatherspoon. Experienced switch falls for novice switch. Geeky. They actually laugh. Heterosexual pairing. Part of a trilogy following coworkers at a gym, all BDSM romance.
Challenge Accepted, by Annabeth Leong. Experienced Dom picks up novice submissive at a laundromat. Heterosexual pairing. Dominant woman, submissive man. Stand alone novella.
Dark Secret Love, by Alison Tyler. A submissive coming into her own, based on Tyler’s diaries. Heterosexual pairing. Dominant man, submissive woman. Part of a trilogy that follows the same characters.
The Companion Contract, by Solace Ames. Slow burn of D/s complex tale, rooted in  complex realness. Main couple is a heterosexual pairing, the men in the story are queer. Dominant man, submissive woman. Part of a linked series that follows a group of friends, all BDSM romance. My review on Goodreads.
Carried Away by David Stein. Jaded bottom falls for dominant, first experience of ownership dynamic. Lots of bondage. Gay pairing. Stand alone novel.

I would be remiss to not also mention Slow Surrender, by Cecilia Tan (part of a trilogy following the same characters), which I think is a lovely introduction to the genre of BDSM romance. It’s not strictly realistic, though the BDSM itself is true to life. (The story is a Cinderella retelling, with a billionaire dominant and a kinky secret society, after all.)

Folks on twitter also recommended the following books that I need to check out:

The Dom Project by Solace Ames and Heloise Belleau
Have Mercy by Shelly Ann Clark
Personal Geography and Intimate Geography by Tamsen Parker
Push the Button by Feminista Jones

What books am I missing? What would you recommend? I’m particularly interested in reccs for books centering queer women, and books centering trans characters.

Tagged: BDSM, BDSM romance, book recommendations, realism, romance

Comfort reading (an excerpt from Shocking Violet)

So last night I got home from a rather rough day and wanted something comforting. The first thing that came to mind was to reread a section of Shocking Violet, one of the last sections I wrote last November during NaNoWriMo.

One of the things I decided to do in this novel was to show the characters self-soothing and practicing self care, to integrate it into the story. This part of daily life for folks with trauma and folks who are neurodivergent is something I rarely get to see reflected in fiction, and I wanted it in my novel, wanted to show the ways characters manage stress and over-stimulation and trauma reactions. A lovely aspect of that is my own reading experiences of these passages: I find them comforting. Both as a reflection of my own life, and actually soothing to read.

In the following excerpt, Jax is struggling to manage a spiraling set of trauma responses, and grasping for new ideas. After attempting a few strategies that did not help as much as he wanted them to, he decides to go to an Al-Anon meeting, something that a buddy from his trans trauma group recommended that he try.

Tiny little room, posters on the walls. They gave him a packet of papers. Ok. He couldn’t look at those now, they went right into his bag. Where had all these older queers come from? At least three of them looked clearly like leatherdykes, including a salt and pepper butch that could have emerged from his fantasies, and a tough looking femme all in leather, with a chain on her right boot. She’d greeted him warmly, given him a packet, seemed genuinely glad for a new face, but not in a predatory fresh meat kind of way.

That was what felt weird! A room full of queers and no one was hitting on anyone, cruising anyone. Jax hadn’t experienced this, maybe ever. Even in his trans survivor group there had been sexual tension. He didn’t know who he’d be if he wasn’t bringing that into the room. But that clearly wasn’t the vibe here.

Honestly, it was kind of nice. He could be connected to other queers, listen, without worrying about anyone trying to touch him, hitting on him, cruising him. He didn’t have to say a word, could pass when they went around reading, what was it called? It seemed like there was something like a torah portion for every meeting, something connected to the steps, and then they’d cycle round again. That cycle, the predictability, the cruising off the table, it all felt…comforting. Like he could be where he was at, in the moment, and the structure would be there to support him.

He decided not to speak, he just wanted to listen. And yet, even listening was intense. Some of them sounded like he had, when he was with Dinah. Stuck, and struggling, and feeling out of control, full of urgency. Tired of needing to be in charge of everything. Ok, he needed to stop listening now or he was going to get too upset.

Jax began to count the t’s in what people said, focused on the letters in the words, not even trying to parse the content. It was one of his best strategies for seeming present and attentive while checking out. It really worked most of the time. This time, it felt loose, like things still got through. He left as soon as he could, needing a walk and some food. He’d realized near the end that part of why he felt so raw was that he had waited too long to eat. A couple glucose tablets had gotten him through the meeting.

Ok then. Bathroom, energy bar, and pick a restaurant. He chose a Jewish vegetarian restaurant that was a longish walk, but that he thought would feel really good. The cold felt wonderful on his skin as he headed east, already anticipating the matzo ball soup. There was nothing like it for comfort food.

The walk helped. So did the familiar smells in the tiny restaurant, where the counter was so close to the tables they just put your food there when it was ready. Jax did the classic diabetic sugar drop thing of ordering lots of food. Soup and latkes and for some reason the apple and cheddar omelet sounded perfect. Couldn’t miss when it came with challah.

Tea helped him warm up as he waited for soup, and checked his phone. He had a text from Violet! That was just what he needed. It made him grin, all sassy and flirtatious. Her energy just radiated, he could almost see the tilt of her head, the brightness in her eyes. He texted back, feeling more grounded after the walk and like a little flirtation was exactly what he needed. She responded, sending him a picture of the cat curled over her feet, her purple toenails peeking out. The cat was fat and adorable and clearly in charge, trapping Violet exactly where she was. Yum. He responded with a pic of his food, which all arrived at once, teasing her with the details of it.

She’d never been to that restaurant, asked if there were pickles. He promised to take her to a place where they keep bringing you pickles. He had just the spot in mind. Perhaps they could go there next weekend? Friday night was his, if he wanted it. He did want it.

Another date with Violet. Now that was a thought to savor right along with the latkes, which were damn good, by the way.

If you want to read other excerpts from Shocking Violet, the links are collected here. I suggest starting at the beginning, with the excerpt describing the first spark of attraction Jax has for Violet.

Tagged: disability, food, nuerodiversity, self care, Shocking Violet, trauma

Last Stop: A Guest Post by Jacob Louder

 

So we have come to the end of the blog tour for my first book, Show Yourself To Me. It’s been an amazing ride for me, doing all these interviews, writing guest posts, reading what these fabulous bloggers and writers have to say about the book. We are wrapping up by coming back home, so to speak.

Annabeth Leong has shared an excerpt from her introduction to the book over at her site today. It’s a gorgeous personal introduction, that talks about what the book means to her. an introduction that feels like such a match for the book. I’m honored and deeply touched by her words, and you get a taste of them ahead of time. Below, my editor at Go Deeper Press, the brilliant Jacob Louder, shares what this book means to him. Another gorgeous and brave match for Show Yourself To Me, one that I am intensely moved by.  I am so lucky to be met in the risks I take as a writer by two such amazing writers and courageous people.

For me, there is something very scary about reading the stories in Show Yourself to Me. There are challenges here that I seldom find in erotica or lit porn of any type. For example, the characters that are grounded in their sadism, and the ones who aren’t grounded enough and ask their submissives for assistance, to help them stay present in the scene—I find them challenging. Or the characters who need a continuous stream of pain to feel release, to feel love. The characters who negotiate scenes like they are the Presidents of fucking Scene Negotiation: They know what they want and they ask for it, and, if necessary, they make adjustments: jeans are removed, not cut from of bodies with a sharp blade; or a submissive is allowed room to breath after taking too much soft sensation from a pack of hungry “tigers.”

What scares me is that these characters and these stories are serious black hanky territory, and these characters are living lives that I only allow myself to fantasize about.

Actually, I don’t. I often think my fantasies are “too much.” Go on and fill in the blank: too sadistic, too brutal, too bloody, too pissy, too demanding, too cruel. Oftentimes, I don’t allow myself to fantasize similar scenes to what’s found in Show Yourself to Me. I don’t allow myself these desires because I feel like I wouldn’t be able to control myself if they were to actually happen in my bedroom. I feel like I’d never come back. If I give myself too much rough fantasy, if I allow time to fantasize as the dominant I’d like to be, wouldn’t it affect my sexual play in real time?

See? This scares me.

Then here comes Show Yourself to Me and its characters with all their beauty in every size, shape, and gender; their own fears; their wild, rough-as-fuck desires. Wait, I think. Other people imagine this shit? And, yes—not only do they imagine it, but they capture it in fiction and publish it for all the world to see. And I read them. Together, story after story, these characters live out my darkest, most sadistic daydreams. They enter these scenes with honesty and openness and integrity and loving compassion.

And it’s strange, right? But somewhere along the lines, between the story about the two queer men of color and another about humiliation play, I’m not feeling scared anymore. I’m not feeling ashamed or like I am once again “other.” Strangely, I’m not feeling turned on by the fiction. What I’m feeling now is brave. I feel embraced by Xan’s stories, by Xan’s openness and willingness to share Xan’s own fantasies with us. I feel affirmed by them. To be completely honest—and maybe a little too emo, but still—I feel like the stories in Show Yourself to Me are actually 24 ways that Xan West tells me that what I think and feel is completely okay, and if I don’t want to act on it, that’s cool, too. But if I do, there are ways. Here: Watch Rickie and Jax in “My Pretty Boy.” Watch the players in “Dancing for Daddy.”

What Xan West has given us—or, more specifically, has given me—is a work of art that allows me to not feel alone or ashamed. Xan has given me reasons to lift my head and own my desires. Xan has made me brave, and there’s a hot, sizzling element to this bravery that is similar to arousal. “Here is where the magic builds,” Xan writes in “My Precious Whore.” Exactly. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, but something I hope to feel again and again.

In Show Yourself to Me: Queer Kink Erotica, Xan West introduces us to pretty boys and nervous boys, vulnerable tops and dominant sadists, good girls and fierce girls and scared little girls, mean Daddies and loving Daddies and Daddies that are terrifying in delicious ways.

Submissive queers go to alleys to suck cock, get bent over the bathroom sink by a handsome stranger, choose to face their fears, have their Daddy orchestrate a gang bang in the park, and get their dream gender-play scene—tied to a sling in an accessible dungeon.

Dominants find hope and take risks, fall hard and push edges, get fucked and devour the fear and tears that their sadist hearts desire.

Within these 24 stories, you will meet queers who build community together, who are careful about how they play with power, who care deeply about consent. You will meet trans and genderqueer folks who are hot for each other, who mentor each other, who do the kind of gender play that is only possible with other trans and genderqueer folks.

This is Show Yourself to Me. Get ready for a very wild ride.

Purchase at Go Deeper Press

Purchase on Amazon

To celebrate the release of my first solo collection of erotica, Show Yourself To Me: Queer Kink Erotica, I have organized a virtual book tour. Follow along each day in October as these wonderful folks post interviews, excerpts, my own ramblings on the book, reviews, and more!

October 1: Xan West Queer Kink Praxis
October 2: Book Birthday! Go Deeper Press To Celebrate the Launch of Show Yourself to Me, an Interview with Xan West
October 3: Heather Elizabeth Show Yourself To Me
October 4: Sinclair Sexsmith The Tender Sweet Young Thing
October 5: Hermia Swann Reading in Cuntext: Show Yourself To Me
October 6: Dilo Keith On Knights, D/s and Service — Guest Post by Xan West

and Cecilia Tan Xan West: Kinkster scribe of viscerally thinky erotica
October 7: Kinky Brits Show Yourself To Me
October 8: Stella Harris Show Yourself To Me
October 9: F. Leonora Solomon Xan West Shows Themself to Us With Their New Book Release!!!
October 10: Tasha Harrison Writing Disability Into Erotica
October 11: Benji Bright The Dervish Dance of Gender: Reading Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me
October 12: Tamsin Flowers An Interview With Xan West and Karida Show Yourself To Me
October 13: Cassandra Perry The Beauty of Falling for Essex by Xan West, My Favorite Quotes from Xan West’s ‘Show Yourself to Me’, and The Vulnerable Sincerity of Queer Kink Erotica
October 14: Peep Scoop Review: Show Yourself To Me and Radical Access Mapping Project Making My Kinky Erotica Accessible to Survivors
October 15: Sugar Cunt Show Yourself to Me by Xan West
October 16: Emily Byrne Where Matters: Writing Queer Public Sex
October 17: Oleander Plume Guest Star: Xan West Show Yourself To Me Blog Tour
October 18: K. A. Smith Show Yourself To Me
October 19: Giselle Renarde On Doing, and Writing, Blood Sports
October 20: Butchtastic Kyle Interview with Xan West and Book Review: Show Yourself To Me
October 21: Lisabet Sarai Liking It Rough (A Post for International Fisting Day)
October 22: Syrens Nuts, Bolts, & Decisions: An Interview on #Writing #Erotica with #ShowYourselfToMe Author Xan West
October 23: Anna Sky Editing to Include Top Vulnerability
October 24: Jade A. Waters For The Love of Boots
October 25: Ashley Young Review of Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me: Missing Daddy

and Erin Kyan Show Yourself to Me, Xan West’s New Anthology
October 26: Rebekah Weatherspoon The Spaces Between Desire and Action
October 27: Malin James Review: Show Yourself To Me and Dario Dalla Lasta Show Yourself To Me
October 28: BD Swain Book Review of Xan West’s Show Yourself To Me and Jillian Boyd Show Yourself To Me
October 29: Kaleigh Trace Reading Show Yourself To Me: Queer Kink Erotica
October 30: Kiki DeLovely Review of Show Yourself To Me, and Show Yourself To Me: Decolonizing Erotica, Transparency, and Accountability
October 31: Xan West hosts Last Stop: A Guest Post by Jacob Louder and Annabeth Leong Excerpt from the Introduction to Show Yourself To Me

Tagged: blog tour, community, courage, edge play, erotica writing, fear, guest post, kink, queer, sadism, Show Yourself To Me