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437 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2015
But his [cock] I could be kind of obsessed with. It's really ... beautiful, all strong and straining, needy and aggressive at the same time, and sheathed in gleaming skin, with these drops of moisture crowning the tip, like tiny perfect opals ... they'd taste of heat and salt and tears and him.
[W]e put our arms around each other again. I lead and Laurie follows ... and there's moonlight, and we dance and dance and dance until we fly and my heart is so zing, I can't even.
“I know what I want. I really know what I want. I just don’t know how to get it.”
“It’s like,” he went on tormentedly, “you’re not allowed to be a dom until you’re forty and six feet tall and own your bespoke bondage dungeon. But I’m probably not going to get any taller, and forty is forever away, so what the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“I just want to know what it feels like, y’know?” “What?” “Anything. Any of it. Something really basic. Like—” he drew in a deep, surprisingly steady breath “—I want to know how it feels to have some guy on his knees for me. And not a kid. I want a man, a strong, hot, powerful man, doing it because he wants to and because I want him to.”
So I did it. In the middle of some East London party, beneath the eyes of untold strangers, for a nineteen-year-old boy whose name I hadn’t even bothered to ask, I mustered what little grace I could remember, and went to my knees. Clasped my hands behind my back.
There was a stillness in the room. Because nobody had ever seen me on my knees before. I’d bled and screamed but never knelt.
“Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me
—John Donne”
“He’s my prince. Fierce and fragile and tender and cruel.”