Hal Young's Blog, page 27

Giving Devices for Christmas

As parents, we have a love/hate relationship with all the devices in our home. We depend on our laptops. We run our business from them and our teen/twenties sons run their businesses from theirs, too. We use them to communicate with each other – especially the grown up kids in other states. If we need to do a radio interview or lead a webinar, nothing will keep the younger ones quiet like letting them play with apps on a tablet or watch a movie on Netflix. No doubt, they’re useful and convenient.

We’ve noticed, though, that too much time on those devices and our kids start acting like crack addicts: “Can I use your tablet?” “Can I just play a few minutes?” “Just one game…” “I’ll rotate the dishwasher if I can use your computer.” Begging, nagging, bargaining…

And they lose their imaginations. “I’m bored.” “There’s nothing to do.” “Can I use your tablet?” “No one will play with me!” “Can I play a game on the computer?” Yeah, mackerel.

If we suck it up and say, “No. No way. Go pretend. Play. Read. Do something else,” they whine for a while … but then their brains come back on. Pretty soon they’re building a fort with couch cushions and sheets or dressing up as the King and Queen of Siam or something.

It’s a balance. Like it or not, our digital devices are part of our society, and by the time our children leave our home, they need to have enough experience with devices and social media that they know how to use them wisely and righteously. Many a kid has left a home where he wasn’t allowed to play online games, arrived at college, and flunked out because he hadn’t learned self-control. It’s better to teach them while they’re home, so the freedom of early adulthood doesn’t overwhelm them.

 

In our opinion, younger kids don’t need their own devices. Beside being an entertaining distraction when children need to be imagining and pretending on their own, devices which go online are a doorway into an adult world that offers enticements they aren’t ready to resist. We’re hearing from parents of 7- to 9-year-olds who’ve discovered their youngsters watching porn videos or downloading pornographic books to their e-readers. Younger kids really need the accountability of sharing the Kindle or tablet.

Do you wonder how do kids that age even find out about that stuff? It’s not hard. Maybe they hear someone use a word they don’t know. It sounds naughty so instead of asking a parent, they Google it – and presto, they’re exposed. Or, maybe a friend or neighbor or cousin shows them how to get to it. If a kid’s been restricted from using his own device for that stuff, he’s going to try to access it on someone else’s.

Use the devices with younger kids when you need to, but don’t let it become a constant babysitter. They need time to think and pretend. At their age, boredom will eventually drive them to be creative. Don’t spare them that motivation!

On the other hand, your teens need access to the Internet. Soon they will not only have open access at school, the library, or at work — they’ll be expected to use the tool for their classwork or on the job. We need to teach them how to use their time online responsibly and how to avoid the temptation to fritter away hours chasing links and wandering through trivia. We need to teach them how to recognize scam artists, spam email, and untrustworthy information sources.

Don’t forget social media, either. Around 15 or so, you ought to get them set up on social media and teach them how to post safely (not sharing too much), wisely (not saying things that could be misconstrued) and kindly (not ragging friends in public and certainly not bullying).

Supervision and accountability are important for all of us. Half of evangelical men confess to being addicted to pornography, but teens are the largest consumers of it. Some research indicates over 90% have been exposed, over 80% have even been exposed to what most would consider perversions. How can you teach your children to use the internet wisely when this huge trap is lurking out there for them?

First, teach them about sexuality from a Biblical perspective and warn them about the dangers of porn. Remind them not to look up embarrassing words, but to ask you – and be approachable when they do! Learn more about talking to your boys about sexuality in our workshop, Shining Armor: Your Son’s Battle for Purity. You can order it below, or read more about it in our Guide to Purity here.

Also, make sure you have some kind of accountability on EVERY internet capable device in your home. We use Covenant Eyes. It’s incredibly flexible. For $13.99 a month, you can set up a separate account for every member of your family, deciding for each one whether to use filtering or accountability and at what level of concern. That’s fantastic when you have kids almost old enough to be on their own and little kids in the same house! There’s no, “It must have been my brother,” when everyone has their own sign in, either.

Covenant Eyes isn’t perfect and a determined, programming-savvy teen can bypass it, but if you check the hours of use on their reports, it’s going to be pretty obvious they are when you saw them on the computer all day and their report shows no use!

Be sure to choose devices that CAN be set up with accountability software. This guide from Covenant Eyes will help you make a wise decision.

The sooner you institute accountability and the more you emphasize that everyone, even you, are being accountable the less resentment they’ll have. In fact, they are likely to ask you to keep them accountable even after they’ve left home!

Just don’t wait around. We’ve had too many emails this year from folks who’ve said, “We’ve heard you say it again and again, ‘Get accountability!’ but we just hadn’t got around to making a decision and now the most awful thing has happened…” Please don’t wait only to find out your 7 year old is watching porn or your 13 year old daughter is being groomed by a predator or your teen son is taking inappropriate pictures and sharing them. These things happened this year and their parents wrote to tell us how heartbroken they were. Get something and find the perfect program at your leisure once your family is protected.

If you’re on  the fence, you can try Covenant Eyes FREE for 60 days if you sign up before December 19th through our link.

Devices are here to stay and there’s a lot of good that can be done with them. The children love playing Stack the States. The older guys love Minecraft.The teens and adults use them for ministry and business. We’ve just got to make godly decisions about how they’ll be used in our homes. We want them to be a blessing to our family, not a trap for our souls.

Merry Christmas!

Hal & Melanie

Please visit our Merry Christmas Shop for Great, Character-Building Gifts for the Whole Family!

This post contains affiliate links which help to support our ministry, but we only link to things we recommend – and usually use ourselves!

 

 

 

What’s a Good Gift for My Son?

One of the top questions we get this time of year is “Can you give me some ideas for presents for my boys?” We’ve written posts on this before, but this time we’ve taken it a step further.

We’ve included gifts for young boys, older boys, teens, and even adult sons. Check it out and get some great ideas for the younger men in your life. Or, click here to go straight to our own store. Of course, everything you purchase through us helps support this ministry!

Merry Christmas, friends!

Hal & Melanie

Strategic Shopping Giveaway!

Last night on our podcast, Making Biblical Family Life Practical, we interviewed Candy Foote of Strategic Shopping. She gave us a ton of great ideas for Saving Money at Christmas and she also offered to sponsor a giveaway!

 

 

Strategic Shopping – In this 143 page eBook, Candy takes shoppers step by step through planning to save your family’s hard earned money. I love that she shows you how to save money on groceries without eating junk!

 

 

Christmas with Strategic Shopping – The Twelve Months of Christmas – This eBook lays out Candy’s strategies to go “all out” at Christmas without ending up all out of money! If our interview with her is any indication, this is great!

 

To enter to win one of these great books of Candy’s from Strategic Shopping, just subscribe to our newsletter and Candy’s below. Of course, you can leave either one any time you’d like to, but why would you want to?

Check out Candy’s website, Strategic Shopping.

Save money on our great character-building Christmas gifts!

 

Planning A Christ-Centered Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays! It’s one of the least commercialized and mangled holidays of our culture. Even the name points people toward the God who gives good gifts.

It’s fascinating talking about Thanksgiving with our children. The Pilgrims were really people a lot like us: they were principled Christians who were very concerned about the upbringing of their children. They left England because they were being persecuted for their faith, then left the Netherlands, where they had religious freedom, because they were losing their childrens’ hearts in that culture. We love to read our children excerpts from their journals and letters and help them understand the sacrifices our forefathers made to settle this land. The first Thanksgiving feast was the celebration of the end of a time of great suffering, the Dying Time, during which half the community perished. How they must have rejoiced to see God’s provision come in!

We also love preparing our hearts to be thankful. We sing Thanksgiving songs, talk about what we have to be grateful about, and sometimes even do a Thanksgiving tree or other physical reminder of God’s gifts. Thanksgiving reminds even the calloused to remember the God who made us and takes care of us.

This gives you a tremendous opportunity to be a testimony to your extended family! By introducing Christ-centered traditions and focusing on the meaning of the holiday, you can witness to your family in a very low key, winsome way and hosting the celebration at your house allows you to set the tone in a way you just can’t at someone else’s house.

You’re probably thinking that cooking for Thanksgiving is a tremendous lot of work, but it is so worth it when you realize the opportunity you have to glorify the Lord in it! That hard work may be the factor that makes older relatives willing to pass on the baton, too.

Be sure to ask other family members to help, though, not just to lessen your own burden, but to make everyone feel appreciated and to allow them to contribute, as well. “Aunt Beth, could you make the seven layer salad? No one does it like you do!”

We’ve found that as we’ve introduced some new/old traditions to our Feast, that actually our extended family has welcomed and enjoyed them. We’ll never forget a dear relative filming our son reciting “Five Kernels of Corn” so that he could take it back to show his friends in China!

What a great opportunity to help everyone remember what Thanksgiving is all about!

Yours in the battle,

Hal & Melanie

(This article originally appeared in The Homeschool Minute.)

For practical help preparing your family for Thanksgiving, and putting on a Christ-centered (and wonderfully delicious!) Thanksgiving celebration, get our downloadable book, We Gather Together: Sanity and Celebration at Thanksgiving, for only $5! Click here!

Recently we talked about preparing for a Christ-centered Thanksgiving on our weekly podcast. Click here to listen in!

Veteran’s Day Subscriber Freebie!

Veteran’s Day is one of those holidays everyone has heard of, but few people seem to know much about. This subscriber freebie changes all that…

All you need to do is sign up for our encouraging newsletter and you get our great Veteran’s Day Celebration Guide for Families. It has links to songs, recipes, and tons of history, but best of all, it has three great freebies of our own – a printable and two audios (one fiction and one historical)! You’ll love it!

Why Off-Year Elections Are Important Too

Tomorrow is our infamous “off year election,” where local elections are in focus and the president watches returns to see whether he finishes his term with a friendly Congress or an opposition in control.

Voter turnout is always lower when The Big Prize is not on the ballot. That’s a huge opportunity for the party faithful to try and swing the election with fewer voters to convince. Historically, the party which doesn’t occupy the Oval Office will gain seats in the House and Senate. That’s one reason the race for our Senate seat from North Carolina, which involves a first-term U.S. senator being challenged by a state senator, has become the most expensive senate campaign in history.

 

But besides that, our district’s ballot includes elections for a congressman, state senator and state representative, the county sheriff and district attorney, three commissioners, and a bevy of judges and local officials.

Why should we be concerned about all these local and state elections? Because the candidates vying for national office usually started with something much smaller:

Andrew Jackson started as a district judge in Tennessee
Grover Cleveland was the sheriff of Erie County, New York
Calvin Coolidge was mayor of Northampton, Massachusetts
Harry S Truman was first elected as a county court judge in Missouri

Some started in state offices…

George Washington and Thomas Jefferson first served in the Virginia House of Burgesses.
Abraham Lincoln started in the Illinois state house and Barack Obama, in the state senate.
Theodore Roosevelt was first elected as a New York state assemblyman, and Franklin Roosevelt, in the state senate.
Bill Clinton was Arkansas’ attorney general
A total of seventeen presidents, including Clinton, Reagan, George W. Bush, both Roosevelts, and Thomas Jefferson, served as governor of their state

In fact, only three presidents had never held elected office before – Zachary Taylor, Ulysses S. Grant, and Dwight D. Eisenhower (all three retired generals). (There is an interesting list here.)

Think seriously about the choices you make “down the ballot.” Those offices are important today, and those races will shape the choices your children have for President or Congress down the road. You might look at your county council or district attorney’s race and decide, “No national prospects there!” –and statistically speaking, you’re probably right—but remember those are the kind of men and women who end up on candidate search committees, platform committees, and nomination votes. Those people may not appear on the ballot later–instead, they may have a hand in who does appear.

All races are important–don’t ignore them. Please, go vote.

Hal Young

Tonight on our podcast, Making Biblical Family Life Practical, we’ll be talking about how to teach your children about government and liberty! Listen live at 9pm Eastern or download from the archives later…

Celebrating a Year Podcasting!

It’s hard to believe we’ve been podcasting for a year! Our show, Making Biblical Family Life Practical, has been great fun! We’ve talked about raising boys, homeschooling when you feel like a failure, about how men can love their wives better, family businesses, staying Christian in college, and lots of other stuff relevant to family like yours and ours.

Did you know most of our shows are live? Unfiltered? We love to just have a conversation with each other and with you guys. Our favorite episodes are the ones where we interview guests or take your questions. It’s not the best part, though…

 

 

The best part is when we meet you guys, our listeners! We love to have you come up at conferences and tell us you’ve been listening and somehow the Lord has used it in your lives. That’s a huge encouragement to us!

It’s not just our show that’s a year old – our whole network, the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network, is a year old! It’s been blessing homeschool families with fun, informative, and encouraging radio broadcasts every single week. All of our shows can be 1) played through the internet 2) downloaded to your computer or 3) subscribed to in iTunes as a podcast.

As a newsletter subscriber for the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network, you can get free audios sent to you every single week through email which makes it super easy to try listening. All of our shows are free!

As we celebrate our one year anniversary, several of the show hosts are joining together to offer a spectacular Anniversary Giveaway – you can win an iPad Mini!

Enjoy an iPad MINI on us! Participating Shows are listed in this Giveaway form.

There’s an entire year of totally free podcasts that talk about every aspect of homeschooling — planning, curriculum, children, marriage and more! It’s an exciting line-up of shows! This is a thank you for all of you who are current listeners OR those of you finding us for the first time!

Here is a snap shot of our current shows:

And Here is our GIVEAWAY!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Come listen!

Hal & Melanie

Here’s a Holiday Treat

Hey friends, what do you think about when you think about the holidays?

Family, traditions, food, truth. God’s gifts. Memories. So much good stuff.

So many of our memories involve food and family and stories – true stories. That’s one reason we put together our Thanksgiving book, We Gather Together, and our Christmas book, Christ-Centered Christmas. We wanted to help other families create good memories that would draw their children to God.

When you’re making all those great recipes, here’s an awesome piece of cookware to give you a hand! We’re having a giveaway with the Inspired Blogger Network!

During this season of Thanksgiving, the Inspired Bloggers Network is full of gratitude for our readers. Without the faithful support of those who follow us on our blogs and social media, we would be unable to do what we love. So, thank you!

Inspired Thanksgiving Giveaway Bundle #1

1 – Le Creuset Signature Enameled Cast-Iron 5-1/2-Quart Round French (Dutch) Oven, Cherry

1 – $100 Walmart Gift Card

To enter both giveaways, please complete the Rafflecopter information below and then click on over to enter for a chance to win Bundle #2: KitchenAid Stand Mixer and $100 Walmart Gift Card.

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a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Must be 18 or older to enter. US only. Giveaway is open from October 19, 2014 through November 2, 2014 11:59 PM PST. Winner will be notified by email and have 48 hours to respond or forfeit the prize to another winner. Prizes will be shipped directly from the vendor to the winner no later than one week after the winner’s verification.

Hal & Melanie Young

Keeping An Eye on Competitive Sports

Over the years, our six boys tried basketball, soccer, baseball, and finally football – which is where most of them settled in. Along the way we learned a few things that make a big difference in the experience for your kids and for the whole family.

First, understand sports and competition are not un-Christian! Paul frequently describes the Christian walk as a race – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race …” and “I do not count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy …” (2 Timothy 4:7 and Acts 20:24).  In our church life, we are told to “outdo one another showing honor.” (Romans 12:10 ESV).   And it’s okay to have winners and losers, too – and to work hard to win: “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)

But we need to approach sports like Christians. For example, Paul also told Timothy, “If anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” (2 Timothy 2:5)  The writer to the Hebrews encouraged, “let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1)  When we compete, we play by the rules, and as we train ourselves for the competition, we watch to keep sin out of the game.

Avoid the common traps of pride and boasting. Teach your kids how to enjoy the game but don’t allow bad sportsmanship. “Let not the mighty man glory in his might,” God warns, “but [rather] that he knows Me …” (Jeremiah 9:23-24) One of the things which God hates is “one who sows discord among brothers.” (Proverbs 6:19) Remember that God rules even over our competitions: “It is not of him who runs, but God who has mercy,” (Romans 9:16) and last-minute loss is just part of the game—not a cosmic disaster. Beware – sometimes we parents are more obnoxious than our kids! Don’t be.

Make sure your sports don’t overwhelm your family life. We struggled the year three boys played baseball on three different city league teams—with different schedules, we seemed to spend the season driving laps around town! We never did that again. It was much better when we found homeschool leagues which recognized the challenges of larger families and tighter budgets, and grouped practices and games close together. We appreciated their emphasis on sportsmanship, too. You can learn more about homeschool leagues in this interview with Earl Pendleton of the Homeschool Football League.

Sports can be a challenging but rewarding way to get your children active, make friends, and learn some teamwork and social skills at the same time. Don’t overlook the possibility, but keep your eye on the ball – our goal is making disciples, not athletic stars!

Yours in the battle,

Hal and Melanie

This article appeared in the The Homeschool Minute, an email newsletter from The Old Schoolhouse magazine.

Why do boys love to compete? Why are they anxious to test out their strength? That’s just one of the things we talk about in our book, Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys. It’s the book we couldn’t find in raising our six boys – Biblical and practical, too! Click here to find out more about this award-winning book.

How do I talk to my children about these things?

Here’s what I struggle with: How do I prepare my young boys in case they are exposed to porn without destroying their innocence? 

It is a struggle at young ages, but it’s so important. A mom recently told us she discovered her 8 or 9 year old was getting up in the middle of the night to watch porn on her tablet. Another mom said her 7 year old was exposed to porn by a 10 year old neighbor. Yet another collapsed in tears at a conference describing how her 5 year old had been molested by a ten year old neighbor.

How horrifying! Obviously if children this young are being exposed to this stuff, we need to prepare them. How can we do that without taking away their innocence?

Be age appropriate. A young child doesn’t need the full bore explanation an older child does. “We shouldn’t be looking at pictures of people who are naked. We shouldn’t ever take pictures like that, either.”

Use Biblical context. “God designed our bodies to be a special gift for the person we marry. We’re not supposed to share or show the private parts of our bodies with anyone else. The only exception is your parents or your doctor when you need their help.”

Be clear. “If someone tries to show you pictures of naked people, you need to turn away, say “No!” and go find an adult to tell.”

Be unmistakable. “You shouldn’t let anyone touch the parts of your body covered by your underwear (or bathing suit, for girls). You shouldn’t touch anyone else there.” Good touch, bad touch is just too confusing to a child.

Give them an action plan. “If anyone tries to touch you like that, scream, yell, bite, kick, poke them in the eye. Be as mean and loud as you can! Try to run away. No matter who it is! And tell your parents or another adult immediately!” Good kids need to know when it’s okay to hit and to raise a ruckus.

Give them direction. “If anyone ever tells you, ‘Don’t tell your parents!’ tell us right away!”

Give them courage. “Honey, sometimes people who are cowards will threaten children. If anyone ever threatens you, your parents, your brothers and sisters, even your pets, we want you to come tell us. Please don’t worry! We can take care of ourselves, you, and the rest of our family.”

Anticipate issues. Many children are exposed to porn when they hear a word they don’t know, wait until Mom is busy, and Google it. “If you hear a word you’ve never heard before, don’t look it up. Just ask me, even if you think it’s embarrassing. We can talk about anything around here.”

Be proactive. Please don’t be the ones who write us with another heartbreaking story. Get some kind of accountability on every internet capable device in your home. We use Covenant Eyes and have for many years. Yes, just as with everything, there are ways to foil it, but as a first line of protection for your young children, it is the best there is. Click here to go their site to sign up or here to read our posts on why and how to use it.

It’s a scary time to raise a child, it seems. You aren’t helpless, though, and your children don’t have to be victims. It’s time for a talk…

Your friends,

Hal & Melanie

Please get Covenant Eyes or some other accountability on your internet devices TODAY. Don’t wait to find something perfect. Get protection now. Try it for a month free here. We use it ourselves.

For information on how to talk to older kids, click here.