Hal Young's Blog, page 31

Q: My Son Blames Everyone But Himself …

The message started, “[I] desperately need advice …”

… My almost six year old always blames me or someone else for his behavior. We are very big on teaching our children accountability. It can be small and big things. Yesterday, I told him he had to put on a coat to go outside. He preceded to says “Okay, it’s your fault I am going to be hot.” I said, “Well, put on a coat or don’t go outside, your choice.” So the tears and disrespect and bad attitude started. And it was all my fault. And this lasted the rest of the day. Today it was because he had to clean up his toys. Is this normal behavior? 

Unfortunately, this is quite normal. I think we inherit this tendency from our ancestors:

   [And the LORD God said,] “Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”    Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”    And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”    The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

(Genesis 3:11-13, NKJV)

Nobody likes to take the blame, even if we deserve it. I suspect every parent has played referee in discussions like, “Did you hit your brother?” “Well, he hit me first!” It’s normal, disappointing, sinful-human sort of behavior. But it sounds to me like your son is trying to use guilt feelings to manipulate you.

Guilt is the state of deserving punishment for a misdeed, and sometimes our hearts and emotions fool us into undeserved guilt feelings. The apostle John wrote that when we love “in deed and and in truth,” we can “assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.” (1 John 3:18-20)

Even a child, though, can stir up this false accusation and self-blame in others, if he senses a possibility of getting his way in spite of the adult’s intentions. So in the example you gave, was it sinful for you to require him to wear a coat outside? Did you say it with malicious intent? Of course not. If it’s “coat weather” outside, then you’re being a responsible parent to give him that direction, and even if he did get hot running around, you are still simply being prudent and trying to prevent him from getting too cold. No guilt to be assumed here!

I think in that situation, I’d say something like, “Well, maybe so, but it’s cold out, and I’m responsible to take care of you whether you like it or not. Ephesians 6:1 says, ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.’ YOUR responsibility is to obey me and your daddy, so your only choice is to wear a coat like I told you, or don’t go out.” And if he proceeds to make a fuss about that, then you move on to deal with his disobedient attitude.

Since he’s a boy, too, I’d frequently explain to him that it is very important that a man take responsibility for his actions, that he knows how to follow instructions of his authorities (supervisors, spiritual leaders, drill sergeants, etc), and that he is honest and manly enough to admit when he’s wrong and take the consequences he may have earned. Avoiding all this is the action of a little boy–which of course he is–and doesn’t he want to be a grown-up man one day?

The problem we face as parents is that we do have a responsibility to guide and train our children, and we can’t let them emotionally manipulate us from doing what we know needs to be done. We try to listen to our children’s complaints and appeals because sometimes we make mistakes or jump to conclusions — and when we do, it’s important to demonstrate how a mature Christian handles apologizing. But most of the time, we do know better than our six-year-olds, and we don’t have to get their agreement to set reasonable expectations and hold them accountable. God gave us this job, even if our kids didn’t vote for us, and our first responsibility is to Him! (All Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version)

Yours in the battle, 

Hal

For more on raising sons to be men, get our book, Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys. Get it below, or click here for more purchasing alternatives. Free Shipping in the U.S., FPO/APO.

Goldtown Adventures by Susan K. Marlow – FREE!

Our children, boys and girls, have really enjoyed the books written by our friend, Susan K. Marlow. We were first introduced to her when she donated a short story in her Circle C Adventures series to a Facebook Party we had. Our daughter loved the story, so we decided to buy her the books for Christmas that year. They were a big hit, so when Susan asked us if we’d like to see her new series focusing on boys, we said, “Sure!”

The Goldtown Adventures follow Jem Coulter, a twelve year old boy, during the waning days of the California Gold Rush. Jem’s father is sheriff, which is a challenging job in the 1860s in the West! These books are full of just the kind of things boys love – excitement, adventure, doing real things, making do.

I recommend you read these, too. They’re a fast and easy read, so it won’t take long! They are wholesome, so it’s not that you need to worry about the content. Instead, there are some content elements that could spark some wonderful discussions with your boys. For example, in Tunnel of Gold, the Chinese immigrants in the town are treated differently than European immigrants (which is clearly shown as wrong). That’s a great opportunity to discuss racism and how God “has made from one blood every nation of men.” Other books give the opportunity to talk about being home alone, being responsible, how to handle a crisis when your parents aren’t around, and lots of other good topics.

Today is a fantastic day to start reading these, too, since the eBook versions of books 3 and 4 are FREE TODAY!!! CLICK HERE TO GRAB THEM NOW! If you don’t read this until later this week, they will only be $1.99 through April 18th, so get them anyway!

Moms ask us all the time how to get their boys to love reading. High interest, quick reads are the best way to do that. If you can’t get him to try on his own, read them aloud and stop at the most exciting part, telling him, “I’ve got to go take care of something, but it’s okay if you want to read ahead.”  The best way to get a boy to love reading is to teach him to love stories. The best way to teach him to love stories is to expose him to stories he’s sure to love! The Goldtown Adventures are those kind of stories.

Yours in the Adventure,

Hal & Melanie

For more on motivating boys to do schoolwork, particularly in the nine to twelve year old range, join us for Boot Camp 9-12: Getting Geared Up for the Teen Years, our LIVE webinar series. Click here to find out more!

We received unsolicited free copies of this series of books, but our opinion is always our own.

 

 

Spring Fever

A mom approached me at a conference, “I just can’t get my son to concentrate!” she said. I asked her to explain.

“Well, he does pretty well until about half-way through the morning, then he just loses focus! I tell him, ‘Look, we only have three more subjects! Buckle down and concentrate and we’ll be completely done with school by lunchtime.”

“How’s that working out?” I asked, feeling pretty sure what she was going to say.

“It’s NOT!!!! We can’t even finish ONE more subject!”

We hear that a lot this time of year.

It’s so beautiful outside that even our eyes are drawn off our work and out of doors. The dogs run for the door whenever they hear it open. The children are distracted and act like they have ants in their pants. It’s spring!

For parents of boys, though, it sometimes it seems like Spring Fever is just the worst example of something that happens all the time! Our boys are full of energy, distractible, wiggly, antsy. We wonder if he has ADHD. We wonder if he’ll ever be able to sit down.

Don’t worry!

We’ve got to remember that God made our boys energetic so that one day they could work all day for a living and still come home with enough energy to be a husband and father and to serve in the church and community. Our boys are meant to be energetic!

And they will settle down. That boy that can’t be still a minute will one day be the teen who says, “Mom, can’t you get the little guys to be still? I’m trying to concentrate!”

In the meantime, though, what do you do?

Work with it! Research shows that boys actually learn better when they’ve been using their big muscles. Instead of “Let’s just finish these three subjects,” we’d do better to say, “Hey, run up and down the stairs for me ten times – as fast as you can! – then we’ll do reading!”

If he listens better lying on his back with his feet waving, that’s okay. Let him learn how he learns best! Tweet this!

Go outside. Enjoy spring. Let them run and play and explore. Enjoy God’s creation.  Tweet this!

Spring Fever? We’ve got it, too! See you outside!

Your friends,

Hal & Melanie

Wondering how to motivate your boys to do schoolwork? How to deal with all that energy? Committed to raising godly sons, but wondering what that looks like everyday at home? We’ve been there! Get our book – Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys. We’ve got six sons, three all grown up, so you know it’s real life!

For more options, including ebooks, click here.

“I Can’t Do Everything I’m Supposed to Do!”

A sweet mama came up to us in tears at last weekend’s conference. She wailed, “I can’t do everything I’m supposed to!”

The question we wanted to ask her is “Who told you that you were supposed to do all that?”

Yeah, it’s true. There’s a lot you really are supposed to be doing – like discipling your family, keeping the kids safe and fed, and keeping the house somewhat hygienic. That is tough enough. It’s all we manage many days! What we’re concerned about, though, is the huge burden homeschooling parents are feeling to somehow do a whole lot more than that. Where do these burdens come from? Who told you that you were supposed to do all that?

The Teflon Teacher?

There are some very persuasive speakers out there who carefully cultivate an image of perfection. Their legalistic formulas for the perfect family seem too much for ordinary people to accomplish — because they are! The teacher himself may not even be living it, as we’ve seen lately. Folks, if we ever come across like we’re perfect, just peek in our van. It bears more resemblance to a garbage truck than a family vehicle when we’re on the road. Seriously, “There is none righteous, no not one.” Romans 3:10

The Pinterest Perfectionist?

It’s fun to look through all the ideas on Pinterest, but sometimes we get the idea that if our children don’t have petit fours in the shape of their favorite literary characters every Friday afternoon that we’re failing as homemakers. Funny, I can’t remember a verse that says your house has to be perfect and you have to be crafty. And I’ll even bet the lady that took that gorgeous picture had to shove the dirty pans out of the way to do it!

The Fabulous Friend?

It’s super-easy to compare ourselves to our fabulous friend whose house always looks like Better Homes and Gardens and forget that we have lots of littles and she only has two teen girls at home. Many times, too, we’ve found that the friends we compared ourselves unfavorably with are suffering in ways we can’t see behind the scenes.

Sometimes our burdens are not from the Lord, but from men. Let those go. Click to tweet that.

Friends, our Lord says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

God loves us so much. He gives us grace and forgiveness, not judgment, much as we might deserve it. We don’t have to earn His favor — we can’t earn His favor! Isaiah 64:6 says, “And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags.”  Yet the Word says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

Dear friends, when you are staggering under the burdens, lay them at the foot of the cross and ask our Lord which we really are supposed to do. You can’t be perfect and neither can your children. But the Word of God still says, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

He delights in your way. Delights. What joy there is in realizing that. Joy and liberty and happiness. Let’s lift our eyes and look at the Son!

Your friends,

Hal & Melanie Young

Gorgeous photo courtesy of Michelle Dennis.

 

 

 

 

 

Q: What Can I Do When We’re Always In The Car?

We have a large family, and the dynamic is so very different. It seems like we’re spending most of the time getting the kids to their various activities and not a lot of coming together any more, aside from meals. 

We have been through this at different times ourselves, and frankly, it doesn’t take a large family to find yourself recruited as Mom’s Taxi Service or driving the Minivan Express. It’s a common problem in a restless, mobile society, but we who are trying to live with forethought and intentionality have to find an answer to that challenge.

The first question is always “What are we trying to accomplish here, and does this fit into our mission?” Sometimes we over-commit because we have many interests but a hard time saying no–to ourselves, or with our children. On the other hand, there may be a special opportunity or a needed activity which simply requires lots of time. Maybe a child has a special gift or talent and a limited chance to study with a particular teacher or coach, or they may need a class or activity as a prerequisite for something important in the future. The important thing is to be sure you’re not using too much time and energy for activities which don’t have much value, or distract you from more important goals.

Can you fold activities or schedules together? We have been blessed to find a homeschool sports program which schedules different age groups to practice at the same time, on the same set of fields. That wasn’t possible when we tried rec-league sports many years ago — three players, three different age groups, three fields at different parks and school yards. Sometimes you might interest multiple children in the same activity so they all go to art lessons or basketball practice or karate at the same time — which means less unproductive time while the whole family waits for one child to finish. Sometimes it’s possible to schedule different activities in coordinating time blocks — like scheduling one child’s half-hour piano lesson inside the time another is taking a two-hour auto repair class. It will take a lot of flexibility and creative thinking to make this work, though.

Don’t miss the opportunities to spend time in your kids’ worlds. Youth sports survive on parent volunteers and coaches. We’ve been blessed to find common interests with our kids, like Hal joining a community orchestra to spend time with a musical son, or taking hunter safety class or Mandarin lessons with others.

Sometimes you simply have to make allowances for the busyness. One year our young son had soccer practice and violin lessons on the same afternoon, and Hal wanted to be present for both them after work. When we looked at the time and distances involved, we realized that Tuesdays simply didn’t include time for supper at home. Since we valued both activities and Hal’s involvement, too, we decided that Tuesdays would be a day to get supper from the drive-through window. If the activity is worthwhile, be realistic about what you have to do to accommodate all the things on your schedule.

There are ways to re-claim time in the car or waiting at activities. Whether it’s long distance driving like we do with our ministry, or a long commute into the office each day, or just an awful lot of errands and activities to reach, there are many ways to make car time into useful time. When we travel, we make sure the children’s schoolbooks are in the van, and we try to use the same morning hours for school time whether at home or on the Interstate. There are many audio resources which can redeem the hours; we’ve listened to the Bible for morning devotions, learned Spanish and Chinese from recorded programs, or enjoyed audiobooks for entertainment while driving (though be aware, some of the really exciting books may leave you sitting in the driveway to finish an episode or chapter before you go inside!)

Tablet PCs and smart phones have made it easier than ever to do school-related drills, catch up on home business, or entertain the youngsters while you’re in a holding pattern somewhere. You can even use a predictable time in the car for a short nap – whether the cranky one is a toddler in a booster seat, or Dad catching up from a late night at work!

The parenting years are busy years by definition, and whether we’re concerned about long hours at work, long hours in the car, or endless distractions and cries for attention, God can give us grace to discern what’s important and manage what’s unavoidable. tweet this>

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Related Resources You May Find Helpful

Hero Tales from American History

Written by Theodore Roosevelt and Henry Cabot Lodge to teach character to American young people. We turned it into an audiobook with sound effects because history is much better with cannon fire! Great for listening to in the car. Each story is 8-11 minutes long and each disc is one hour long.

G.A. Henty Audiobooks

We love these! Historically accurate, great fun, and focuses on the manly virtues – how can you go wrong? Increase reading comprehension by listening to these complex tales.

A House NOT Divided: Building Unity and Not Rivalry In Your Family

You’ve heard the verses and caught the vision, but what can you do to get your children on your team? Stop the bickering and rivalry and begin making memories! In this idea-packed workshop, Hal and Melanie share how to tear down obstacles and build up family unity in fun, memorable ways

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT MORE or ORDER NOW!

Four Famous Failures (That Should Change the Way We Parent)

Q. A mom came up to us at a conference where we’d been speaking about entrepreneurship, “My teenage son is constantly coming up with business ideas, but I’m afraid to let him try. What if he fails?”

We are not doing our boys a service to protect them from ever failing. When we do that, failure seems more frightening. That makes them wary of taking reasonable risks that are necessary to success and when they do experience failure it devastates them. Contrast that to these famous failures:

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper job because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Later when he tried to get Mickey Mouse into distribution, MGM told him it “would never work!” Good thing he didn’t listen.

Bill Gates dropped out of college and his first business failed miserably. Microsoft came later.

Michael Jordan initially failed to make his high school basketball team. What if he’d decided he just wasn’t good enough?

Thomas Edison was expelled from school as too unintelligent to learn. Yet, the same Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb and that project required incredible persistence. His team tested thousands of possible filaments that failed utterly before they found one that worked. Edison said, “Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then he gets discouraged. That’s not the place to become discouraged.” His attitude was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

And that’s the attitude we need to teach our boys. We can only do that, though, if we allow them to take risks that include a chance of failure. Let your boys risk failure while you’re there to help them up.

After all, what better time to fail at a business then when someone else is paying the rent and buying the groceries!

Related Resources:

Raising Real Men – We are so excited that you can now download the Mom & Dad Special (book & audiobook)! That means you can start reading and listening to practical help in raising godly sons right now! Click here for the hard copies.

“Raising Real Men is long overdue… In an era when the church has lost a biblical concept of masculinity and femininity this book is a breath of fresh air.” -Tedd Tripp, author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart

By His grace alone,

Hal & Melanie

 

What Age Is Best For Boys To Start Sports?

We live in North Carolina, just an hour and a half from Duke, UNC, and N.C. State. If I say “March,” you say, “Madness.” It’s time for the NCAA basketball playoffs, so it’s only seasonable to mix our metaphors and kick off our “Wondering Wednesdays” with a question we received a few days ago:

Q. What age do you recommend is best for boys to start playing a sport?

This is a question with more layers than an onion! In fact, we devoted an entire chapter of Raising Real Men to the matter of competition.

Sports and competitive games are not bad things themselves:

God uses the image of competition repeatedly as an example for us to follow or an illustration of spiritual truth. In the Christian life, we are encouraged to “run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1)  In the life of the church, we are told to “outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10, ESV)  The fact that some win and some don’t should not put us off; God says to use that knowledge as a spur to try harder. “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)

Our approach to sports, like all of life, should be honoring to God:

This is balanced by God’s reminder of two factors — the need for discipline and obedience, and our dependence on Him in all things. Paul wrote to Timothy, “If anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” (2 Timothy 2:5) To the Romans he said to keep in mind that “it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.” (Romans 9:16)

And we need to remember that not every boy is inclined to athletics–and that’s perfectly okay:

It’s normal for parents to hope their children share the things they’ve enjoyed in life, whether it’s a favorite sport, some other activity, or even a choice of college or career one day. Part of being a parent is introducing our children to things we’ve found valuable and important in life. Yet we have to remember that God makes each of us as an individual, and our differences are part of His plan (remember how He places different gifts within the church to strengthen it? See 1 Corinthians 12) We need to be careful not to try and live out our own dreams in our children’s lives when those dreams may not be God’s design for that child.

We’d suggest that it’s fine to introduce basic sports skills — running, jumping, catching and throwing — at a very early age, simply as a matter of basic physical development. We’ve seen remarkable coordination and energy in little boys who were barely out of diapers! Individual skills like bicycling and swimming, or social sports like tennis, racquetball, or golf, can be introduced whenever your son might show interest.

We’d be slow to push them into competitive, team-based sports, though. Four-year-old boys don’t need to be in soccer practice four or five hours a week, and you can tire out your whole family running back and forth to multiple practices and games, day after day after day. That becomes less of an issue when you have older teens who can drive themselves and siblings to practice, and save the family commitment to the actual games. 

There’s a social aspect to be aware of, too; a lot of feelings get hurt because younger players don’t know how to be good sports yet, and those who are still learning the game can feel bullied and disrespected by more adept players who strut and boast in their success. Parents who want their younger children in team sports need to be aware of the climate of the team, the attitude of the parents and coaches as well as the parents, and make sure their sons are developing skills rather than being beaten down emotionally. This is where a dad who’s so inclined can make a big difference as a coach or assistant, not just a spectator for his sons. 

So, what age is best?   We won’t give you hard and fast rules for anything where Scripture doesn’t, but we can share our experience. Our sons have enjoyed sports the most when they started at 9 or 10 or even 11 or older. Parents worry that their boys won’t be able to compete if they don’t learn early, but we’ve found a young guy old enough to have real interest himself learns a lot faster and has a much better attitude. Our guys that started at 6 or 7 or even 8, when we were ready, but they weren’t as much, don’t have nearly the love of the sport or the confidence as the ones that started later.

At different times, our boys have played soccer, baseball, basketball, and football — and we don’t really consider ourselves a sports-driven family!  Generally we’ve had a positive experience with team sports, but at every point we’ve had to keep an eye on the social interactions, protect our family’s schedule and commitments, and be sensitive to our sons’ feelings about it. We were blessed to find teams, coaches, and communities who were committed to teaching the skills, not just winning at all costs, and overall we’ve been able to keep them in balance. Competition and sports are not bad things, but they are never the most important things!

(Quotes from Raising Real Men, p. 104)

Related Resources

Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys – Christian Small Publishers 2011 Book of the Year

Christ-Centered Sports – An Interview with Earl Pendleton of the Homeschool Football League on Making Biblical Family Life Practical, our weekly streaming radio show

What’s been your experience? Leave a comment, and I’ll choose one of you to receive a free digital download of Raising Real Men – either the book or the audiobook!

Yours in the battle,

Hal

 

Avoiding the Mid-Morning Munchies

One thing that is pretty common across guys of all ages is that they love to eat! Moms tell us their boys eat breakfast, but are starving just a couple of hours later. I think they’re finding out just what we have: Carbs do not a good breakfast make for a growing boy!

When a boy’s starving too soon after breakfast, we usually hear that he’s had cereal with skim milk or fruit or bread that morning. Carbohydrates are the energy fuel for our bodies. Carbs are quickly digested and quickly converted into the glucose our cells need. That means his blood sugar goes up quickly which makes a lot of insulin release (insulin is the key that unlocks the cell door for glucose). That big insulin release leads to a blood sugar crash. Boom! He’s hungry again in a couple of hours after eating. Fiber slows down the blood sugar rise, so whole fruit is better than juice and whole grains better than white grains.

Protein causes a much slower increase in blood sugar and fat causes the slowest rise. Don’t be afraid of fats. Growing children need fats for proper brain growth. When you serve something with not just carbs, but protein and fats, then his blood sugar stays more even and he stays full longer.

So, what can you serve for breakfast?

Cheese Toast – This is quick and easy: put cheese on bread and toast it! Cheese is a high fat protein, so it has all three you need. There are all sorts of variations, too – English muffins, bagels, bread, rolls.

Bagels and Cream Cheese – Once again, fast easy, and has carbs, protein and fat.

Oatmeal with Milk and Butter – The milk completes the protein in the oatmeal, butter provides extra fat.

Grits with Cheese – If you don’t like grits, you haven’t had them cooked right. They need to cook a lot longer than the bag says. Aldi is a good brand to start with since it’s ground more finely and is easier to get creamy. Be sure to salt to taste. Boys love Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning on them.

Quesadillas – Put a dot of butter in your skillet on medium. Put the tortilla on top of it, when it’s hot, turn it over and put a handful of grated cheese on top, then fold over. Toast on both sides. Serve with salsa.

Cream of Wheat with Milk and Butter – The milk completes the protein and the butter adds fat.

Omelets – Beat eggs, add to a hot, buttered skillet. Lift edges so raw eggs can run under. Flip, then fill with cheese, meat, or veggies, then fold. Boys often love to cook these. Add a piece of toast or muffin or fruit if you want to add some carbs.

Scrambled Egg Sandwiches – Pile scrambled eggs on buttered toast. Good with just salt and pepper, or you can add ham, sausage, or cheese.

Greek Yogurt with Fruit or Granola – Get the full fat kind for staying power.

I can think of some more, but I’d rather hear your ideas! Share any ideas you have for filling, balanced (in carbs, protein, and fat) breakfasts for our boys?

Leave a comment, and I’ll choose one of you to receive a free digital download of Raising Real Men – either the book or the audiobook!

Related Resource

Sanity’s in the Freezer – Saving Time and Money in the Kitchen

 

 

See you later,

Melanie

 

 

 

Making Biblical Family Life Practical – Is There Such A Thing BIBLICALLY As Men’s Work, Women’s Work?

Tonight, on Making Biblical Family Life Practical, we’re discussing work! Is There Such A Thing BIBLICALLY As Men’s Work, Women’s Work? Is our view of what we should do colored more by the Bible or the 1950s? What can each member of the family do to keep the wheels turning (or the laundry washing)?

Tune in at 9pm Eastern to hear us LIVE (and ask questions by chat) or download later on our radio show’s site, Spreaker, or iTunes. BTW, if we had only 31 more followers on Spreaker we might be able to get the show on iHeartRadio!

What’s Your Son Got to Say Tonight?

Recently we asked our Facebook page what people wanted us to write about. Several asked “How can mothers can have a good relationship with their sons?”

Our friends Marilyn and Rick Boyer helped us a lot with this the articles they called Learning to Delight in Your Children. It helped us to clarify something we’ve been thinking for a long time. Take the time to read their whole series. It’s worth it.

It’s late at night, so we’ll keep it brief and focus on just one piece of the puzzle. Grab our book, if you want more on understanding your boys. Here goes:

If you want your son to listen to you, listen to him. (tweet this)

Sounds easy, but it’s not when all he seems to want to talk about is his latest crazy idea to build a forge in the back yard and start on a rocket or the games he likes to play. You may just want to tune it out, but hear us on this: If you don’t listen to his heart speaking, he won’t want to listen to yours.

This was driven home to us a few years ago when we drove late at night to another state. Hal had been working long hours so he was asleep  in the back; Melanie was too tired to drive, so a teen son was behind the wheel and Melanie’s job was to keep him awake. He only thing he wanted to talk about the guitar he was building, so talk he did …for hours!

That’s fine, but Melanie is the only one in the family who isn’t a bit musical. It was a struggle to stay awake. She remembers the lines crossing and recrossing in front of her as her eyes focused and unfocused. She kept up the conversation, though. You see, Melanie isn’t at all interested in guitars, but she is very interested in our son!

That’s been years ago, but he still occasionally mentions how much that night meant to him.

It’s better to lose a little sleep to talk now, then to lose a lot of sleep to worry later. (tweet this)

It’s those late night talks that don’t seem to mean much at the time. All you can think of is bed, and what they are talking about doesn’t seem that important … but those late-night confidences form a foundation of love and trust that lasts a lifetime. They prove you really do care.

It’s not that late, really. What’s your son got to say tonight?

Your friends,

Hal & Melanie

Join us for one of our two upcoming webinar series on raising sons:

Boot Camp 9-12: Getting Geared Up for the Teen Years (for parents of boys 9-12 yo)

PreFlight: For Teens & Their Parents

Want to have us speak for your church or homeschool group? We’d love to!

Head over here to download our speaker kit!