Chris Illuminati's Blog, page 34
January 7, 2015
Little Boy & Waiter Provide The Greatest Photobomb EVER And I Can’t Stop Laughing
It might take you a minute, but when you see it, you’re going to want to call in the rest of the family. Well, the family old enough to appreciate a random dick grab of a defenseless waiter. I mean what do you do in that situation? Drop a tray on the kid? Kick him? […]
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Dad Mashes Up All The Times He Screwed Up And Shot Video Instead Of Photo Into One Family-Torturing Movie
I do it at least once a week — I try to snap a picture and realize “crap, I’m in video mode.” My phone is loaded with six second videos of my family, random street people and my lunches followed by audio of me going “awww shit.” I like to call them “the worst Vine […]
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January 6, 2015
The Death Of Buzz Lightyear? See The ‘Toy Story 3′ That Almost Was
We all know the story of Toy Story 3 … or rather, all of us with Pixar-loving kids sure do. When Andy’s toys are accidentally left on the curb with the trash, a quick-thinking Woody saves the gang. Unfortunately, most of them end up as children’s day-care donations. Did you know, though, that this installment […]
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January 4, 2015
Little Kid At Wedding Invents Insane New Dance Routine Out Of Sheer Boredom
I’ve been this bored at weddings. I was this bored at my own wedding. Don’t get me wrong, love the Permanent Roommate, but the entire day seemed to last forever. By the end of the night I wanted to do this same dance under our table while shoving cake in my mouth. And are we […]
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January 3, 2015
Dad Explaining To Young Daughter How Men Should Treat Her Is The Best Thing I’ve Seen In A Long Time
I wish I had more information about the dad and daughter in this video. All I know is he’s doing it 100% correct. Maybe that’s all I really need to know — that there are parents out there doing it right. Amen, brother. MORE AWESOME STUFF FROM AROUND THE WEB This mom takes amazing photos […]
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December 31, 2014
In 2015, We Need To Talk — It’s Not You, It’s Me
The year of 2014 is coming to and end. It was a pretty good 365. Especially compared to 2013. The last few months of that year were a NIGHTMARE. This past year could have knocked on my door, tracked dog shit in my living and vomited on my rug and it still wouldn’t have been as […]
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December 30, 2014
See The Play-Doh Toy That’s Ruining Christmas For Families Everywhere
What could possibly ruin Christmas for good, hard-working Christian families? It’s not the grocery store cashiers wishing you a “happy holiday” instead of a “Merry Christmas.” It’s not liberals taking Jesus out of “Amurica.” No, this year that title belongs to this Play-Doh Cake Mountain accessory that totally looks like a penis. Parents have been complaining about how phallic […]
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December 29, 2014
Mom Tries To Hide Boobs On TV From 22-Year-Old Son — Now She’s A Meme
Oh towel mom. It’s just a pair of boobs on TV. And your son is 22 years old and gay. We know all this from his post on Reddit after he snapped the above pic over the holiday. Of course, the internet embraced the mom, and lovingly turned her into a meme. Here are some […]
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A Scientific Fact About Dads And Sex That Shocked The Hell Out Of Me
It’s not all Frozen jokes and creepy families around here. Occasionally important, science-y topics are discussed. Put on your lab coats, it’s time to get science-y. 12 Scientific Facts About Dads That Will Blow Your Mind Wait, hang on one second — this isn’t my lab coat! Who the hell took my lab coat?!? Many […]
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If You Love Awful Dad Jokes, And Hate ‘Frozen’, Dear Lord Is This The Perfect Video For You
I groaned. An audible “ugggh” the second she opened the gift. Think of the planning and preparation for this awful payoff. The juice, as they say, wasn’t worth the squeeze. I’ll bet Dad laughed about it ALLLLLLL day. Let it go, dad. Let it go.
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