Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 51

Love chatting? (Blog marathon post 10)

There are some people who chat to 'pass time' and some who 'invest time' in chats. No prizes for guessing which category I belong to.

I have a set of writer friends who prefer writing over talking. I too am like that. I detest talking on the phone (Unless it is to my mom and also my best friend--the only two people I can have a phone conversation with) and with everyone else I only write.
With very very selected few I chat in real time.

I don't know about how 'most young people' these days chat--but I do mean what I say in the chats.Thus if someone says 'brb' and then vanishes, I  find it rude. If you mean brb, you better be right back. Else you can sign off with 'Bfn'.

Similarly if someone says they will get back to me by 5.00 pm or late evening or whatever time frame they say they will, my respect for them goes up several notches if they keep up their word. if they don't they are filed away under 'poor chat etiquette' and 'people who don't mean what they say'.

My daughter taught me a new concept when it comes to chat. She said there is something called 'seen-zoning' which means the person has seen your message but not replied. It made me smile.

If my daughter pings me and I do not reply instantly she spams me with many nonsensical messages till I reply :) No matter how busy i am, I always make time to reply to both my children.

I never 'seen-zone' them. :)

Guess with the new generation--love means replying to messages instantly. And I would like to add--keeping up your chat commitments.
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How I write my novels. (Blog marathon post 9)

Thought I would share with you today, some of my writing quirks.

What you see above is one of them. I have many many journals like the one you see above whcih i keep buying on my various travels. For me to pick up a hand-made journal, I have to fall in love with it's texture. I run my hand over it.Sometimes it looks good but doesn't feel right. If it doesn't feel right, I don't buy it. Sometimes it feels good but looks awful. Then too i don't buy it. For me to buy it, it has to talk to my heart.
 The one you see above, it is one of my favourite ones. I had picked it at a tiny Tibetan shop in Mc.Leod Ganj. An old Tibetan lady was selling it and she had eyes that bore into my very sould. It was as though she knew my quest for that perfect journal.

Each time I begin a new novel, I use a new handmade journal. I scribble the plot iwht an ink pen. I am particular about the ink-pens I use too. I have a lamy Pen which I treasure and also a Sheafer which I equally love. The only ink I use is black. Never blue or any other colour. It has been that way for the past 34 years or so. I can't write with any other ink but black.

My novel 'Tea for two and a piece of cake' was outlined on the above journal. Nisha, Samir,Akash Tanya, Rohit, Mrs.B all of them first came alive in these pages. From my head to the paper, ideas poured forth, new worlds were created, a story born. I made a connection with you through my words. You loved Nisha and Akash as much as I did. And maybe more.

That is the magic of words.
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The heart wants what it wants.(blog marathon post 8)

Today it's a song for you. A lovely one. If you listen to it carefully in the official version which is the video above, you will hear the raw pain in Selena's voice when she says "When I was on stage and thinking of him..I felt like I know him, I know his heart and I know he what he wouldn't do to hurt me. I was on stage feeling so confident, so great about myself. But then I never knew I would be completely shattered by one thing and it would be something so stupid. But then you make me feel crazy and you make me feel like it is my fault and I am in so much pain."

 The song then starts.

. Anyone who has been in love would relate to the song. One moment you are on top of the world. And then when they do something you are hurt so deeply. Love is indeed madness. There are chemical changes that happen in your body when you are in love--as the body releases many feel-good endorphins. Everything appears great and you feel on top of the world-- till the object of your affection behaves in a way you never expected. Nothing about love is ordinary. it is always larger than life, larger than yourself, larger than anything you could possibly imagine. The Euphoria is as high as the depths that it can hurtle you to. The pain is as intense as the passion. The heart wants what it wants---and if it doesn't get it, there is a price to pay. Always. but then you are in love and the giddying heights you are hurled to, more than make up for the pitfalls. Unless it ends of course. And then you are truly shattered.
It would take you many months to recover and even hen, there will always be a void which can never be filled.
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15 fun questions. (Blog marathon post 7)

Wanted to do a 'fun post' today after all the serious little philosophical posts of last few days. So I headed over to Sunday stealing which had an interesting meme going on. And here it is! The questions as well as my responses.


 1.   Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-great grandchildren?
Definitely my ancestors. I would love to know what made them tick, what they loved, what their days were like and how they spent their leisure hours. I love my ancestral homes on my maternal as well as paternal side (both in tiny villages in Kerala whose names you wouldn't even be able to pronounce unless you are a Mallu) and it would be wonderful to meet the people who lives in them once upon a time.

 2.   Would you rather have more time or more money?
Undoubtedly more time---I can make more money easily :) But time I cannot make. Life is so short. There are so many interesting books to read, movies to watch, places to go to and things to do.

    3. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?
I wouldn't like to rewind. What is over is over. If it is cherished it it stored in the treasured memories section.  If it isn't  it is discarded. Pause button--no. Because anything frozen isn't half as interesting as what is to come. And I am a firm believer of the adage 'The best is yet to come.'

 4.   Would you rather be able to talk with the animals or speak all foreign languages?

Of course speak to animals. They would have far more interesting things to say than humans.

  5.  Would you rather win the lottery or live twice as long?
Win the lottery of course ! I don't want to live  that long.

  6.  Would you feel worse if no one showed up to your wedding or to your funeral?
Ha ha..I don't care at all if no-one came for either.  I would be more concerned if they didn't come for my book launches :) But honestly--what matters to me is whether I made a difference in someone's life.

    7. Would you rather be without internet for a week, or without your phone?
Phone. Internet is life. I breathe the internet and live in cyberspace.

  8.  Would you rather meet George Washington, or the current President?
Neither! Bleddy amercians :) George washington ya Obama se milke kya karne ka? :D (my non-Hindi speaking friends, please excuse :))

  9.  Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing?
Good Lord---neither. I am no little mermaid. What kind of a question is this anyway?

   10. Would you rather work more hours per day, but fewer days or work fewer hours per day, but more days?
I wouldn't mind working 24x 7. I absolutely love love love my work.

    11. Would you rather listen to music from the 70’s or music from today?
Music from today! Ed Sheeran, Selena Gomez, Major Lazer. Wiz Khalifa. Maroon 5. Katy perry, martin garrix--love them all.
 

    12.Would you rather become someone else or just stay you?
Are you kidding? Why in the world would I want to be anyone else after having worked so hard to be me? :)

    13.Would you rather be Batman or Spiderman?
Spiderman--for that upside down kiss :)

   14. Would you rather be stuck on a broken ski lift or in a broken elevator?
Depends on who I am stuck with in each of it :)

   15.  For your birthday, would you rather receive cash or gifts?
Cold hard cash..Unless it is gifts I would absolutely love  :)
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Buy my latest book. I promise it is twice the fun of this meme :)

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On keeping in touch in friendships (blog marathon post 6)

A little while ago I came across the above visual and it struck a chord instantly. If somebody really wants to be in touch, they will find a way. And if somebody has not kept in touch, it is because right now you aren't a priority for them. They might be bogged down by their own issues.  And that may not mean that they now do not love you as much as they did earlier.

How then do you treat people who don't keep in touch? Do you make a one- sided effort from your end? Are you always the one who calls/messages with barely any responses from the other end?

When it comes to close friendships, some people feel a need to connect on a daily basis. Few others think once in every ten days or so is enough. Yet others connect only when they have something important to share. None of these are the 'right ways'. What matters is whether or not you are  content with it.

When it comes to people who don't keep in touch, I usually make an effort to ask if they are okay once in a few days--but this is only when i genuinely like them. Even then I would probably do it once or twice. If the response from other end never comes as 'they are too busy' I usually move on.

Life is too short to rush through it with a 'i-am-so-busy' syndrome.
 
Sometimes we just need to slow down and savour the moments.
Time waits for nobody.

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A visitor. Blog marathon post 5

Today's post is this picture I clicked on my 14th floor terrace!
Isn't this fabulous?

Just a photo today--but I think it makes up for a lengthy post :)

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Why book discussions are enriching (blog marathon post 4)

How was your Friday evening? Was it good? Did you do anything different? Or are you looking forward to simply unwinding at home, with a good book/movie, a glass of wine or a cup of tea--all little luxuries by themselves in this age where time to relax itself is premium.

I had a fabulous evening today. I had been invited by Dr.Vijay Nagaswami for the launch of his book 'To D or not to D' which was at Leela Palace Bangalore. It was strange coincidence that I had bought his book just the previous day and his warm invite landed up in my inbox, the very next day. Having read his earlier books (Especially loved his book --50-50 marriage which is great for anyone who has been married 5 years or more) and having been a panelist with him at the Bangalore lit fest, I knew I was in for a great time.

The book discussion was on whether to Divorce or not to, and why people stay in an unhappy and toxic marriages. The audience had some amazing questions and the discussions led to some thought-provoking insights. I enjoyed every moment.

The popular RJ Melodee who has interviewed me for Indigo 91.9 fm which is Bangalore's rocking all English radio station was also there and it was fabulous meeting her again. Here are a few pictures.
RJ Melodee and me
Dr.Vijay Nagaswami and me
All in all a fabulous evening.

In case you have never been to a book launch or a book reading, you must try and go to one or two, when it happens in your city if the book being launched is the kind that makes you curious. You meet the author of the book, you get such varied perspectives, you listen to view-points that might be completely different from yours and most of all you discover new books!

 Today the topic was great, the conversation was superb and all in all, it was a memorable evening for me.
  
Will be back tomorrow. Same place, same time.
Till then---read a book :)
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You do not own the ones you love (blog marathon post 3)

So I just got back from watching Dil Dhadakne Do . And I must say Zoya Akhtar did not disappoint at all. I had loved her earlier two movies too. (Luck by Chance and Zindagi Na Mile dobara)

This is what I had said on my FB page


 Though it deals with many issues like being trapped in a unhappy marriage, pity-sex, doing something even when your heart isn't in it, upholding family values etc the one that appealed most to me was one of the core messages which is " If you love someone give them freedom to do what makes them happy."


I firmly believe that parents, especially in the Indian context should stop interfering in their adult children's lives. Once the children are standing on their own feet, and no longer living with parents, parents need to back off. Respect the choices that your adult child makes--even though you may not always agree with them.


It is the same in relationships. Your partner might be making a choice which is making them happy. You may not understand it. It might not be something that you choose for them. You may not agree with their choice and you may presume that you have a right to express your opinion on their choice.
But you don't. In a marriage or a relationship, the woman doesn't 'own' the man nor does the man  'belong' to the wife. Both are free to make their choices. The choices they make might hurt each other badly. (Like was depicted in the movie)

But if you love each other, you will work towards resolving it. By talking about it. By bringing up issues which you feel deeply about. By opening your minds. And trying hard to understand what it is that makes your loved one tick.
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When friends don't respond back (Blog maraton post 2)

So did you do something yesterday that you have never done before? I know some of you did---and left comments in my comment box and those felt good to read, even though I haven't replied individually (yet)--but I did read each and every one.

Today the day started for me with Sheryl Sandberg's very moving post.
Do read it if you haven't--it is worth your while. It reminded me of that last chapter in my first book.

Sometimes we realise how dear something is, only when you have lost it or you come close to losing it. Death of a loved one is something that affects us in ways that just cannot be explained--only experienced. It changes us, leaving a hole in our hearts but we become compassionate because of it.

It is the same when a relationship ends. Or when you lose a friendship. At times the friend just stops communicating with you for absolutely no reason. They just don't answer back when you call. They don't reply to your pings and when you try to make plans to meet, they are always busy. Slowly a cherished friendship becomes a cherished memory.




There is nothing you can do about these things. The 'why it happens' is not yours to solve. What is important is how you deal with it.

I get mails from many who ask me what they can do if a person they like doesn't reciprocate. They don't reply back. They are usually unavailable. And no matter how much of effort one makes, the other just doesn't want to respond.

Now here is the thing--you cannot do anything other than bear it. You cannot make anyone want to talk to you. People go out of your lives because there are new people waiting to enter it. Whatever that person's purpose was in your life, it is over. Sometimes, they will come back. Sometimes they won't.  If they come back, accept them back if it gives you joy. But you may often find that when they do come back you have moved on.

And that is okay.
That is just how it was meant to be.
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Why is it important to challenge yourself? (blog marathon post 1)

Having done a blog marathon every single year since 2011, I know how difficult it is. Real life gets in the way ever so often. This year I did one in February where I was blogging throughout my book-tours. Regular readers would recall that I blogged from Lucknow, Delhi, Chandigarh--from airports, hotel rooms and coffee shops too. It was one of the hardest things I have done, as after an entire interactive session with media, signing books and an event, I would still come back here and blog. There were times when I fell asleep at the keyboard--then woke up with a jolt and blogged. Felt happy that I could complete the challenge.

Okay--so why am I telling you all this? Because I am going to do it again, starting today :) Yes--that's right. I have decided to join the NaboPloMo June challenge .

They are pretty flexible in terms of following the writing prompts. You need to follow it only if you want to, else you are free to blog about anything you like. And of course that's just what I will be doing :)

So, why is it important to challenge yourself?

Because that's the only way you will grow. If you want to go somewhere where you have never been before, you need to do things you have never done.
In schools and colleges we have exams and other things that constantly push us, test us and reward us when we perform. Once we start real life (read making a living by being employable) we don't really get report cards. (yes, performance assessment reports that your boss makes at the end of the year can loosely be called 'report card' but hey, he isn't going to give you credit for walking 45 minutes a day or learning to play the guitar. I think you get my point)

Spare 15 minutes today (cut down that from your television time and the time you spend on Facebook looking at other people's lives) and do something that you haven't done in a while for 'lack of time'.
Perhaps call up a friend, or read an entire chapter in a new book or write in a journal or take a walk or play with your kids or call up your mom/dad---anything!! But it has to be something you do not usually do.

Then come back here, use my comment box and tell me what you did and how it made you feel.

I am listening if you care to share.

See you here tomorrow! Until then challenge yourself. :)
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