Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 52

Writing tips, a contest and a chat! #Campusdiaries #CD

Have you always wanted to write a story but never got the motivation to? Campus Diaries which is India's largest storytelling platform for students might just give that impetus to. They are runnin a contest where you can win prizes worth over a lakh.

Other than the fact that I would be judging the entries I have nothing to do with it :) So if you want to participate in it, head over HERE

They had interviewed me a few days back and asked me for writing tips. I maintain that I am still a learner when it comes to writing, even though I might have six best-selling novels behind me.



 I have a long long way to go and I am constantly reading up and looking for ways to improve my writing.
However, whatever I know I was happy to share. I loved the way they had presented the interview.

If you wish to read the writing tips I had to offer, head over HERE

The reason I have been a little slow in updating my blog is--you guessed it---I am working on my next book.
And it is going to be non-fiction..
and...and...and....

it is going to be something very useful to almost everyone!  It will definitely make you think, make you ponder and perhaps give you some answers.

I will not reveal anymore--you will have to watch this space.

Good luck if you are taking part in the story writing contest.
And even if you aren't you can head over to twitter tomorrow at 11.00 am, just to chat with me :)

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Buy my books: http://is.gd/preetibooks


http://preetishenoy.com/

Love does not recognise age.

 A friend and I were talking about age.  I have always felt that age is just what is inside your head and what you feel. In fact in one of my books, a character says this: You can be old at 22 or you can be young at 73.

I don't remember which book of mine it is! (If any of you readers remember it, kindly tell me in my comment box. My guess is it could Mrs.B from Tea for Two and a Piece of Cake or Mr.Adani from The One You Cannot Have)

In our country it seems to be taken for granted that once you reach a certain age, you have to lead a subdued life. Finding love is out of the question. You have to be content with singing Bhajans and visiting temples. The 2007 movie Cheeni Kum highlights this beautifully, where Amitabh Bachchan  plays a man in his 60's who is so unlike his peers and a 30 year old woman (played by Tabu) falls in love with him.

Today I came across a beautiful video made by a son for his mother. It so totally made my day. The mother is so full of life and such a wonderful lady. So is the son!

Do read this post  and do watch the video--it's a very short watch--just 4 minutes.. He filmed her secretly and she had no idea that he was doing it. Her reaction is priceless.






Whether she finds her prince Charming or not all I can say is that she is one lucky woman! So full of life. So inspiring. So beautiful. She is the kind of woman who makes you look forward to growing old.

Can you imagine anything like this happening in India? What do you say? :) Tell me in my comment box what you think.
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 Buy my books: http://is.gd/preetibookshttp://preetishenoy.com/

Is sex outside marriage on your Secret Wishlist? :)

A review I read this morning about my book 'The Secret Wishlist' amused me. Because  while the reviewer loved my writing style---he said it was so gripping that he just couldn't stop reading it---he had a problem with the extra-marital affair. He said he had read the book at the same time as Deepika Padukone's video came out and he felt that the book glorified adultery. Many people,both men and women,who aren't able to put the book down are not able to accept the fact that a woman can find love outside her marriage. It is not entirely impossible you know!

I came across a brilliantly expressed piece written by a marriage counsellor who sees hundreds of couples in relationship crisis. The piece is titled 'Why women leave the men they love--What every man needs to know'.
I quote from the above piece:

As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous marriage counselling issues. While many situations are complex, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know. It’s this – Women leave men they love.
They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand....

To read the rest of the piece go here 

Also he points out that the gender dynamics in the above piece is reversible. It can go both ways.

If you haven't read my book (The Secret Wishlist) and want to read it there might be spoilers ahead in what I am going to say. So do not read further if you hate spoilers.

What the counsellor talks about--- It is  exactly what my protagonist Diksha did too. She  is married at 19. Her husband isn't a bad guy--just a workaholic who finds it more interesting to play golf during weekends than spend time with her. She chooses to be a stay-at-home mother as she wants to be there for her son with whom she has a wonderful bond. Her husband says that he never stopped her from working. It is a choice that she made. He is an emotionally absent husband. And to top it there is marital rape as well. He has sex with her when he is turned on and even when she doesn't feel like it. She is financially dependent on him. She has no resources of her own.Also being married at 19, she lacks the courage to speak up and she has a child as well. So she stays in the marriage.
I find the scene where her husband  has sex with her, particularly heart wrenching. I cried for Diksha while writing that. The later scene in the book where she has sex with Ankit is so beautiful in contrast.
I am surprised that people do not see it that way. All they can see is 'sex outside marriage' and they sit in judgement about how it is morally wrong.

But I guess each one is entitled to their views. Maybe they would prefer being raped in a marriage than go outside a marriage. Maybe they think marriage is sacrosanct and everything that the husband does is okay and the wife has to dutifully comply. Maybe they feel that sex is a husband's right. (What about the wife's rights?)

I must also mention here that I got hundreds of mails from women all over India, who said that they felt I had crawled into their heads and written their stories--except that they did not have an Ankit in their life.
 I can tell you one thing--it takes far more courage for an Indian woman to walk out of a bad marriage than it does for an Indian man. The odds are skewed heavily in the man's favour.


Shinie and me


My friend Shinie Antony  who is  one of the best writers I know (and also one of the founder members of the Bangalore Lit fest)  had written a very relevant piece about Marital rape in Economic times. Click HERE to read her piece.





 I have said it earlier (in my piece on Deepika's video ) and I say it again: Ultimately a relationship is between two consenting adults. If you are in a committed relationship then both parties have choices to make. The choices they make might hurt the other person. Whether you decide to compromise and stay or whether you decide to walk out or whether you decide on other ways to navigate the twists and turns of the relationship is up to you and your partner.
Nobody else has a say in it---Not the Government, not your parents, not your children nor your best friend.
And rape is rape--whether it is outside a marriage or within it. I am sure Diksha would agree :)

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Buy my books:http://is.gd/preetibooks


http://preetishenoy.com/

A note on my tryst with Ashtanga Yoga

One of the best things that I have done in my life (other than writing 6 books so far ;-)) is enrolling for Ashtanga Yoga.
I have always been practicing  Yoga ever since I was introduced to it, which was when I was about 11 years old. We had Yoga in school as a part of our curriculum and my yoga teacher always selected me for the Yoga demos which he would give at various places,mostly  inside IIT campus Chennai, which was where I went to school.
I continued my yoga practice long after I left school and I would do it on my own, as I knew all the asanas. I developed my own routine. When I moved to the UK too, I continued my practice. Of course, at times there would be months and months when I wouldn't do Yoga at all, but much like old lovers  whose lives are inextricably entwined, I couldn't stay away for too long. I would always go back to my practice.

Then, after doing yoga on my own for so many years, I joined a Yoga class when I moved back to India. I did it along with everyone else in the class, but I found the pace too slow. I had many years of yoga experience but the teacher would tailor the class to suit even absolute beginners and hence I found that the class did not include my favourite asansas which are Chakrasana (wheel pose on the right) , Pashimotannasana (Seated forward bend in the picture above) and

 Sarvangasana.
I would be a little disappointed and would then come home and practise these  on my own.

I longed for a Good yoga teacher who would push me more than I was capable of, so that I could grow in my practice.

In October last year, my wish was fulfilled when I discovered Ashtanga Yoga.
 Ashtanga yOga has to be practised every single day, except on 'Moon days'. (full moon and new moon days')

And since then I have never been the same. Ashtanga yoga is not easy at all and requires discipline and commitment. It requires that you place your entire trust in your teacher/Guru ( and hence it is important that you go only to a genuine Guru).

At the end of first session itself, I was hooked as I was seating profusely by just the surya namaskaras or sun salutations . (In ashtanga is called ' boiling the blood'). It is  complete detoxification for the body and extreme focus of the mind. It is a mental workout as much as it is physically demanding. Also it is a guru-sishya tradition where  the teacher decides whether you are ready to progress to the next asana or not. Sometimes you could be stuck in the same pose weeks--till the teacher decides that you have now perfected it.

Now it has been 6 months  since I started it and I can see for myself how much it has transformed me. I now find an unshakable inner strength---something that I did not have before. Every morning, Satish and I wake up at 5.15 and we drive to the yoga class. There are days when we do not feel like, but we go nevertheless---sometimes I motivate him and sometimes he does.

While there are many teachers who teach yoga, I think it is important to find the one that is right for you. In Ashtanga you can see the authorised teachers in their official website: http://kpjayi.org/

It is also important to read up about Ashtanga so that you are fully aware of how it is different and whether or not it is for you.

This is what Pattabhi Jois said about 'Power Yoga' and other forms of yoga.

"I was disappointed to find that so many novice students have taken Ashtanga yoga and have turned it inot a circus for their own fame and profit (Power Yoga, Jan/Feb 1995). The title "Power Yoga" itself degrades the depth, purpose and method of the yoga system that I received from my guru, Sri. T. Krishnamacharya. Power is the property of God. It is not something to be collected for one's ego."

Here is a video which demonstrates  the primary A and B series:




Whether you do Ashtanga or not--do try and incorporate some form of yoga into your life. (But you need to find the right instructor. Expensive instructors aren't necessarily the best. My guru charges a very nominal amount.)
Trust me--you will feel the change. You will have more control of your mind, your actions and your thoughts.

Yoga can change your life.


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Buy my books:http://is.gd/preetibooks

http://preetishenoy.com/

How to tell if they are right for you?

  I came across a beautifully written article today. It talked about why that  one perfect relationship you had is ruining everything else. You can read the piece HERE.

It talks about how humans value only those things that they work for. And a relevant point that the writer Paul Hudson made is that if we work  for something, it stays longer in our minds and the longer it stays in our minds, it becomes a large part of you.

That is precisely why the more time we spend with somebody, more attached we become to them. I had written about a thought that I found fascinating: 'You are the average of 5 people you spend most time with,' Click HERE to read what I had written.

A question I often get asked is 'How do I know if he/she is good for me?'

To know that, you have to ask yourself what your goals in life are. What matters most to you? Is it personal growth, intellectual stimulation, earning more money, starting something on your own or doing things that have always been on your list but you never got around to or something else?

Once you define those, check and see if that person is making you feel good about yourself and also taking you closer to your goals? Or is the person holding you back in some ways and making you feel inadequate?  One of the most powerful voices that we hear inside our heads is that of our parents. The thing is their life experiences have been completely different from yours. Check and see if their voice is what is replaying inside your head most of the time.

By no means am I advocating that you should stop listening to your parents and discard all their fears. All I am saying is that we need to be conscious of out thoughts---the stories that we tell ourselves.  We need to make informed choices regarding the people we spend our time with.

Thoughts are powerful. Conveying them through words is even more powerful. And once something enters you, and you internalise it, it shapes you in some way.

Make your choices well. You are loved and you are precious.

Take care and until the next post think happy thoughts.
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Read my latest 'It happens for a reason' yet?
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http://preetishenoy.com/

Love, friendship and a guy called Wreck-it-Ralph

Sometimes a movie you watch leaves a lingering imprint in your mind and touches your soul. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it inspires you and makes you want to be a better person. It transports you to another world for a few hours and you become one with the characters. You find your heart beating wildly when they are about to do something dangerous you find yourself wiping a tear that has slipped out when something terrible happens to them and when they finally succeed you want to stand up hug them and give them an ovation.
Instead you sit glued to your seat, staring at the screen even as the credits roll.

I watched such a movie the other day. It was an animation movie. The graphics were brilliant and though the story had the usual twists and turns of a good commercial movie, what had me was the brilliant concept of a bad guy in an arcade game, wanting to be good. I fell in love with Wreck-it ralph just a few minutes into the movie.


Here is a trailer (which I really think does not do justice to what the movie is all about)



If you have a child in your life watch it with them. And if you do not have a child in your life, watch it for the child inside you.

It makes you feel grateful for all your  good friendships (oh yes there can be horrible friendships too--but I will save that for another post)  and  it makes you go awww.

And it makes you believe that Love and Friendship make life worth living. (Perhaps it resonated so much with me as that is the core theme of all my books)

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Read my books yet? Buy them at a great price: Buy them: http://is.gd/preetibooks
 http://preetishenoy.com/

A little soul nurturing.

One of the things I really enjoy is to start the day by spending some time in my garden. The garden has been carefully tended to entirely by me and Satish. We do not have a gardener and we do everything ourselves.
I live in a penthouse on the 14th floor and we have two large terraces. This is where we have made our garden. We grow our own vegetables--everything right from Brinjals, tomatoes, Parsley, celery, Ridge gourd, Bitter gourd, green chillies , bottle gourd, carrots, radish, beet root, rocket leaves, spinach, fenugreek, beans, okara, squash (yes, it is indeed possible)-- organically and we are very proud of what we have managed to accomplish in a period of one year. We also compost our kitchen waste.(The only thing that goes out from my home is the plastic used in packaging. Rest of it all goes into the compost). I have written a post in the past on how to start an organic terrace garden.
And I have also written about things that a garden has taught me.

Apart from the vegetables that we grow, we also have some flowers. Today I want to share some pictures with you. These had my heart leaping in joy and my soul soaking in all the contentment.
Here goes


This is my collection of cactii plants. Look at the profusion of flowers! If you over-water them they will not grow. They thrive on neglect!


A close up of one of the plants--the flowers are so much that they cover the leaves! It is a very thorny plant.


Here is another close-up of another plant.



Look at this single flower dancing in the wind! Isn't this gorgeous?


Close up of a single jasmine flower. My jasmine always blooms when it rains. The fragrance is a whiff of heaven.



Is this a variety of chrysantemum? I don't know. But it is a profusion for sure :)

And finally--a rose that bloomed. Notice the dew drop inside it?


Gardening is one of the most rewarding hobbies that one can have. You don't need large areas. Even if you live in an apartment, a small balcony that gets sunlight for a little part of the day will do.

Try it once and you will be hooked. After all like  Alfred Austin said 'The glory of gardening: hands in the dirt, head in the sun, heart with nature. To nurture a garden is to feed not just on the body, but the soul.'

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Read my latest book yet? Jamu kaka grows an organic garden in that one. Now you know where that came from :)
If you haven't yet read it, get it at a great price:   
Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens
Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrossword

http://preetishenoy.com/

The sulky blog and other things

So it's been 13 whole days since I posted here. No wonder the blog was throwing a major tantrum like a whiny brat in the supermarket who screams and shouts till he is red in the face, sending the decibel levels sky rocketing to the level of a jet plane taking off till the weary parent finally succumbs and gives in.

My blog was  much nicer about it though. It sent me gentle mental reminders. And when that didn't work, it made a cute face at me and I always fall for niceness. So here I am :)

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activities. One of my closest friends visited me (and we have known each other since we were ten). I had my husband's family visiting and  of course the daily pressures of running a home and juggling my writing. My next book is coming along well but it will be a few months before you can have it in your hands. (and this is completely different from anything I have done before and I am excited about it)

Meanwhile my current book has been topping the charts. Those who follow me on FB would know about it as I have regularly been posting screen shots of the Nielsen best-seller lists there (it has consistently been on top ten, each week since release).

KPMG put up the video of the talk that I gave at their corporate office. Since many of you wrote in and asked me about it, here it is. It is about 12 minutes long.






I promise to be a bit more regular from now on. I don't want my blog to sulk.

Show it some love will you? Leave it some nice comments. It hates neglect and thrives on attention. And not just from me :) ____________________________________________________________________

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My response to 'My choice' Deepika Padukone's video

 Transcript: My body, my mind, my choice To wear the clothes I like; even if my spirit roams naked My choice; to be a size 0 or a size 15 They don’t have a size for my spirit, and never will To use cotton and silk to trap my soul is to believe that you can halt the expansion of the universe Or capture sunlight in the palm of your hand Your mind is caged, let it free My body is not Let it be My choice To marry, or not to marry To have sex before marriage, to have sex out of marriage, or to not have sex My choice To love temporarily, or to lust forever. My choice To love a man, or a woman, or both Remember; you are my choice, I’m not your privilege The bindi on my forehead, the ring on my finger, adding your surname to mine, they’re all ornaments and can be replaced-- My love for you cannot, so treasure that My choice; to come home when I want. Don’t be upset if I come home at 4am . Don’t be fooled if I come home at 6pm, My choice; to have your baby or not To pick you from 7 billion choices or not. So don’t get cocky My pleasure might be your pain My songs, your noise My order, your anarchy Your sins, my virtues. My choices are like my fingerprints They make me unique. I am the tree of the forest I am the snowflake not the snowfall You are the snowflake. Wake up Get out of the shit storm. I choose to empathise. Or to be indifferent I choose to be different I am the universe Infinite in every direction. This is my choice.

The above video has not only gone viral, it has stirred up a hornet's nest and created a tsunami of opinions. My Facebook feed is still reeling under the assault and my Twitter feed is full of questions asking what I think of it. So I thought I would blog about it. (It's my choice :) )

Most people seem to be outraged because they have a problem with three things
1. The sex outside marriage bit. (Sex outside marriage isn't empowering women.)
2. The fact that a magazine like Vogue has taken an initiative
3.It addresses only Elite women

There is even a guy who has gone ahead and made a video which is the  male response to it.
And another guy who has quoted a comment from a woman  that says if he wants to ask for a dowry, it is his choice. He goes on to diss Deepika's movie Cocktail and also says that it was TOI's choice to click snaps of her cleavage. (Please!!)

Here is what I think.

I totally support the video and the statement it makes. And no--it isn't just for 'elite'--it is speaking up for every Indian woman, especially the ones who have the least freedom.
Whether a woman has sex outside her marriage or not,  is between her and her husband. It is not for the world to judge and point fingers. Nowhere does the video say that in order to be liberated you have to have sex outside marriage nor does it endorse adultery.

The fact that most men seemed to have picked just that point to respond to, says a lot. The male response to the video ends with 'We do not support cheating or adultery'. The male response was fine and had me nodding in agreement, till it showed a woman shouting and raving, holding her guy by the collar for supposedly having an affair. Again stereotypical humour and gender typecasting.

It missed the point completely. For most married Indian women, what they wear depends a lot on what their husbands say and what their in-laws want. I know so many women who dress in a certain way to please their in-laws and husbands. After a woman gets married, there is a sense of 'ownership' that creeps in---like she 'belongs' to her husband. And the husband has a say in what she chooses to wear, where she goes and the male friends she meets. You might argue that it is the same for a Indian married male. But it isn't. He somehow isn't as accountable as a  married woman is. (Think about it.)

Nowhere does the video shame all men. It is merely asserting that a woman has a right to make choices. As much as a man does.

The thing is in our country, a girl definitely has lesser choices compared to a guy. And after marriage, the choices that a Indian woman has, definitely reduces further. She has to live 'within the lines'.
 My book 'The Secret Wishlist' deals with just this. The life of an Indian woman, after her marriage, and the choices that she makes. Yes, it deals with adultery/extra-marital affair. I got mails from thousands of Indian women who wrote to me after reading the novel, telling me that it felt as though I had got inside their heads and written out their stories. Many many  men wrote to me saying that my book was a wake-up call for them to not take their wives for granted.

This is what I had said in one of my newspaper columns



"In a country where the female infanticide rate is amongst the highest in the world, where we lose 3 million girls in infanticide in a span of a decade, the need of the hour is to stop treating a woman as a mere sex object. Our society needs to recognise that a woman is far more than her body. Our bawdy song lyrics objectify women, comparing them to a ‘tandoori chicken’ among other things. At family weddings lyrics that celebrate the posterior of a woman are played loudly, stating that ‘all the boys go crazy when I shake my ……’.  Our country sees nothing wrong in that and anyone protesting is told to lighten up---it is only a joke and to take it in the lighter vein.But as long as the attitude of hypocrisy prevails, and as long as women are still expected to be ‘good girls’ suppressing their sexual needs, putting everyone else before them, this treatment of women will continue. If we need to truly progress, we need to look at women differently, and respect their needs. A truly liberated woman is one who is comfortable enough with her sexuality and who doesn’t have to shake any body part to prove that she is sexy. "
All that the above video does is assert the right of women to choose whatever makes them happy.
 The very fact that it makes so many men uncomfortable (and so many women too) is something to think about.
Make your choices wisely. (And of course there are consequences to the choices you make.) You need to think about what you want and how it will affect the people who you truly care about. You need to take care of yourself first. Because only if you are happy can you make others happy.You need to choose.You need to live in a manner that suits you.And in the end, a truly empowered person--whether a man or a woman--is one who is at peace with the choices that he/she makes._______________________________________________________
Buy my books:  http://is.gd/preetibooks

http://preetishenoy.com/

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Birthdays are as special as the people who have them! Guest post by Purvi.

 My daughter (who is 13)  came across something today and she wanted to share it. So here is a guest post by her.
Do read and leave her your comments! :)

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Hi I am Purvi, and well I wanted to share something with everybody that moved me deeply.  So I am writing a guest post from my mom's blog.

A little while ago I was generally scrolling through my newsfeed  and I came across this particular post, About a 13 year old boy named Odin Camus who has a condition called Asperger's syndrome. He had his birthday today. He had called 15 fellow classmates for his birthday party but none of them bothered to take the time or effort to respond to this invite. Odin used to get bullied all the time in school. He often  had trouble making friends. His mom, Melissa, worried a great deal about giving her child an amazing birthday. She had got him a few gifts, showered him with balloons and got a nice cheesecake for him but he was  feeling down in the dumps about it.

  Melissa then posted in a few groups on Facebook, asking people if they could just wish him a simple happy birthday or call him on his phone (she also posted his phone number) , just to make him feel happy. The post quickly spread and in a matter of hours, Odin got over 5000 texts! Odin told his mom that he would enjoy going bowling and his story quickly spread around all social media. People from all over the world drew pictures, posted videos and wished him. They even organized a stretch limousine to pick him up and as he arrived at the bowling alley. Thousands of people were waiting for him there; Reporters, photographers, police men . And hundreds of children waiting to greet him with a happy birthday. Not only that, they baked cakes, made cards and all showered him with presents. Everybody wanted a picture with this boy.

What touches me is that thousands of people, strangers, all across the world took the time to wish him or show up at the bowling ally but none of the people he knew/called turned up.

I hope the people who bullied him just because he was a little different from the rest of them feel ashamed of themselves. I strongly object to how people can make someone feel worthless just for the fun of it, or to look 'cool' in front of friends and I dont think that anyone should be treated the way he was.

i am so glad he had a wonderful birthday. Since i am 13 too, I can relate to how important a single birthday wish or card is. Imagine his joy, receiving thousands--- including wishes from celebrities and NBA stars! :) 

Here is a link to the story, that has pictures and short descriptions.. http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/happy-birthday-odin#.iilqRpry9

 Its amazing how many kind people are out there and this was one thing that really hit me hard. Sometimes  strangers  turn into angels, creating memories that last a lifetime. And a little act of kindness makes a big difference in a person's life.

                                                  


photo credit: Rafting the Arkansas Cake via photopin (license)http://preetishenoy.com/

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