Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 341

Ten Insights to Help Us Better Relate to Others

We make people choices every day. We decide whom we will invite to lunch. We make our meetings shorter when the person with whom we are meeting is a complainer. Our choices tell us who gets our call, emails, and texts. Our people choices determine our spouse and people we hire.

Anthony K. Tjan recently wrote an article in Harvard Business Review that provides the guidelines to understand people. The article is very helpful. But we must caution that these guidelines do not necessarily mean we are to avoid those who don’t measure up on all ten points. To the contrary, as Christians we are called to relate to people who might not “normally” be our best friend. We are to have big hearts that have room for a host of hurting people.

Nevertheless, his points are definitely insightful and helpful to help us understand people better, even ourselves. Here is my summary of his ten points.

What is the talk-to-listen ratio? Are people so full of themselves that they talk incessantly, primarily about themselves? Tjan suggests if they talk more than 60 percent of a conversation, they either have bloated egos, or they don’t think they can learn anything from you, or they are nervous and rambling.
Does the person give or take energy? I immediately think of a few people I really look forward to having in meetings. Their enthusiasm and optimism energizes me. Then there are some that turn a 30-minute meeting into an eight-hour day. I love being with energy givers. Please keep the takers away from me!
Does the person act or react? People who act are strategic persons and problem solvers. People who react tend to be victims and critics.
Is the person real or a fake? Most leaders can detect a person who is genuine versus someone who is pretentious. The latter group includes the infamous “suck up.”
Do you know his or her spouse? With what type of person did he or she (ostensibly) choose to spend the rest of her life? What does that say about him and his own judgment?
How does this person treat someone he or she doesn’t know? Several months ago I had dinner with a leader I know pretty well. We split the bill, but the server would not accept the expired coupons he had for his bill. He went into a rant over $10 with this suffering server. That told me much about the character of that leader.
Has this person struggled in his or her own life? Tjan cites his own studies that show a higher business success rate for those who had struggles relatively early in their lives. He further concludes that, in many cases, those struggles shaped the person’s character positively.
What does this person read? One of the most enlightening exercises I recently conducted on an executive retreat was to have each of the eight-member team give an account of his or her recent reading. I learned as much about some of the leaders of my organization then as any time previously.
Would you go on a long car ride with this person? Wow. That question causes me to pause. As an introvert, I really wonder how many people I could fit into that category.
Is this person self-aware? Tjan saves one of the most important questions for last. Though none of us see ourselves perfectly in the mirror, some are much better than others; some are much worse than others. I am so grateful for a few men in my life who tell me what’s in my mirror. It’s not always pretty; but it’s always helpful.

I am grateful to Anthony K. Tjan for this list.

What do you think about its effectiveness in helping us understand people? What would you change? What would you add?

Pray for Clearview Church

Location: Chesapeake, Virginia

Pastor: Rob Huffman

Worship Times: 10:00 AM (Eastern Time)

Fast Facts: Clearview Church is a creative and connecting church that meets

at a middle school each week. Please pray for Pastor Rob as he leads the church to live out their vision of “Bringing Hope and Inspiration to Change the World.”

The church serves their community through a program they call Project Hope. They recently helped several families paint their homes and work on landscapes. Please pray for this ministry and the Hampton Roads community.

Also pray for Clearview as they begin planning for their Fall Festival event. Please pray that God will bless this outreach effort and that souls will be won to faith in Christ.

Website: www.clearviewchurch.info

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Pastor: Church Staff Perspective

In my Monday post, I looked at the issue of pastor/staff relationships from the perspective of the lead pastor or senior pastor. In this article we hear from the staff perspective, those other than the senior pastor who serve on a church staff.

Like my post from the pastors’ perspective, this post from the staff perspective is written in the form of a top ten. The ranking is related to frequency to which I have heard these concerns. My prayer is that both lists will be viewed positively, and that all who serve our churches vocationally will receive them well.

Have good and open communication. This issue was a strong number one. There was a significant gap between one and two. The communication issue is primarily related to communication with staff, but it also refers to communication with the entire congregation.
Keep consistent vision/priorities. Stick with a major focus long enough to see it through before moving on to the next big vision.
Work on personality chemistry with staff. Interestingly, this comment was number three on both lists.
Empower the staff. Make certain that, when assigning responsibilities to staff, you empower them as well.
Execute. Get the task done that you stated you would accomplish.
Be a good listener. Staff meetings and one-on-one conversations need to be give and take, not dominated by one party. Make certain you are listening carefully when the staff speaks
Be loyal. As is the case with pastors, the church staff persons do not expect blind loyalty, but they do want to know the pastor has their back.
Exercise spiritual leadership with the staff. While the pastor may do a good job of leading the congregation spiritually, make certain that he does the same for the staff.
Lead strongly but not autocratically. This issue does not seem nearly as pervasive as it was a few years ago.
Keep good relationships with other staff and church members. Unity on staff and unity in the church are critical; the pastor sets the key example for this unity.

You may want to compare the two lists from this post and my Monday post.

What do you think about these issues with church staff? Are there any surprises? What would you add?

The Introverted Pastor – Rainer on Leadership #014

Podcast Episode #014

Subscribe via iTunes

I’ve written extensively on my introversion here at the blog. In fact, one of the top posts on the blog is entitled The Introverted Leader. This week, I welcome a fellow introvert, Ron Edmondson, to the podcast to discuss introverts in the ministry, blogging, church revitalization, and pastoring established churches.

We had the chance to ask Ron:

Does being an introvert shape your preaching?
How does being an introvert impact what you do in ministry?
Are introverts drawn into ministry at a disproportionate rate?
Are there certain struggles in ministry that introverts have? How do you overcome or manage those?
What differences or struggles have you found in your transition from a church plant to an established church?
What advice would you give to pastors who want to blog?

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by When Relationships Collide, a six-session small-group Bible study from LifeWay. This study:

Names people in the Bible who dealt with conflict
Offers principles for dealing with conflict in healthy ways
Recognizes God’s role in conflict
Identifies how God would have you resolve conflict

You can find out more at BibleStudiesForLife.com

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

Related Resources

RonEdmondson.com
Bible Studies for Life

Friday Is for Freebies: The Real Win and an HCSB Study Bible

This week’s giveaway  includes The Real Win, a new DVD study from record-setting Texas Longhorn quarterback Colt McCoy and his pastor, Matt Carter. They explore the essence and purpose of biblical manhood with the men and family who have shaped them. The study captures the thrill, personality, and entertainment of a classic hunting show as the men discuss various faith-based topics over the course of hunting and fishing trips at two legendary Texas ranches.

Also included is the black, genuine leather version of the HCSB Study Bible. This Bible has a retail price of $79.99 and features 15,000 study notes, 290 Hebrew and Greek word studies, 66 highly detailed book introductions, 62 maps, 27 topical articles, 20 charts, and 18 illustrations, all focusing on the most important topics and questions in Bible study.

To be eligible to win, answer the following question:

What is your favorite summer food?

The deadline to enter is midnight this Saturday.  We will draw the winner from the entries on Monday morning.

 

By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.

Notable Voices — July 18, 2013

9 Things You Should Know About Social Media — Joe Carter

Joe’s “9 Things” series has covered everything from Pope Francis to cloning. This week he tackled social media.

 

Two Types of Church Websites, Which One Do You Have? — Darrel Girardier

I recently wrote a post on church websites and the issues many of those have. Darrel provides a helpful distinction between the two main types of church websites—ones that are seeker-driven and those that are member-friendly.

 

12 Game-Changing and Tweetable Proverbs — Ron Edmondson

With the 140 character limit of Twitter, it can be challenging to fit Bible verses into tweets. Ron has identified 12 tweetable Proverbs that not only fit for Twitter but are full of meaning at the same time.

 

Teaching Children the Bible — Sally Lloyd-Jones

Sally Lloyd-Jones, author of The Jesus Story-Book Bible, shares her thought process behind how she crafted the stories she included in the book. She also provides a few cautions on making the Bible more abut our story than God’s story.

 

How Other People Stereotype Your Denomination — Brian LePort

Brian took denominational names and put them into Google to see what came up when auto-fill kicked in. Some of the results were surprising. And others were not.

 

Too Many Churches in North America Are Playing the Number Game — Justin Taylor

Chuck Lawless shared some insight into churches and numbers earlier this week here on the blog. Justin posted this excerpt from J.I. Packer that adds to that discussion.

Help Choose the Cover of My Next Book, and You Could Win a $100 Gift Card

A few months ago I wrote a blogpost called “Autopsy of a Deceased Church.” The article was my analysis of why a specific church had died. The responses to the post exceeded my greatest expectations. That article quickly became my blogpost with the most views.

I continue to have significant numbers of persons from a variety of churches ask me to expand my work. The requests have nudged me to write a book on the topic. I will be examining the death of several churches in the upcoming book. But, contrary to the title, I hope the book becomes a book of hope for many church leaders. My desire is to examine the death of churches so that others may not go down that same path.

The book will release in 2014, and B&H Publishing is in the formative stages of designing book covers. Here are five of their concepts. I am asking my blog readership to choose one cover per reader and offer comments on the covers.

My social media team of Jonathan, Amy, and Amy will choose the five best responses next week. All five of those persons will be declared a winner. From those five, they will do a drawing and one person will win a $100 gift card from LifeWay that can be used at our stores or at LifeWay.com. The other four will receive a signed copy of I Am a Church Member.

You will be notified of the winner next Wednesday here on the blog. We will close comments on Monday, July 22, at noon CDT.

Thanks so much for your help. You chose the cover of my previous book. I am hoping you will do the same for this next book.

Please confirm your selection by clicking on the “Vote” button at the bottom of the page. Enter the giveaway by commenting on your selection in the comments below.

Why Church Numbers Matter

By Chuck Lawless

I understand those who argue against the use of numbers in evaluating a church’s health. We can get idolatrous of numbers, and numbers do not fully illustrate the condition of a church. On the other hand, numbers do matter.

One of my favorite writers is Charles Spurgeon, the famous 19th century pastor of the Metropolitan Tabernacle in London. Spurgeon, who emphasized the sovereignty and grace of God in saving non-believers – and who warned against the danger of overemphasizing numbers – also recognized the importance of church statistics. Read his words in his lectures in The Soul Winner, and take note of why numbers matter:

I am not among those who decry statistics, nor do I consider that they are productive of all manner of evil; for they do much good if they are accurate, and if men use them lawfully. It is a good thing for people to see the nakedness of the land through statistics of decrease, that they may be driven on their knees before the Lord to seek prosperity; and, on the other hand, it is by no means an evil thing for workers to be encouraged by having some account of results set before them. I should be very sorry if the practice of adding up, and deducting, and giving in the net result were to be abandoned, for it must be right to know our numerical condition. It has been noticed that those who object to the process are often brethren whose unsatisfactory reports should somewhat humiliate them …. The fact is, you can reckon very correctly if the figures are honest, and if all circumstances are taken into consideration if there is no increase, you may calculate with considerable accuracy that there is not much being done; and if there is a clear decrease among a growing population, you may reckon that the prayers of the people and the preaching of the minister are not of the most powerful kind.

1. Numbers are one means of evaluation.

Because God mandated that we make disciples (Matt 28:18-20), it seems logical at least to ask the question, “Is God using us to reach non-believers and make disciples?” Numbers are one means to answer this question. The numbers matter not because we want to build our kingdom or impress our denomination, but because we genuinely long for God to use us in His work. The numbers, when properly understood and utilized, are but one tool for evaluating our ministry.

2. Decreased numbers should drive us to prayer.

If we believe the gospel is life changing but we see no lives transformed through our ministry, that “nakedness of the land” should lead us to seek God’s help. He alone can change lives. Especially when we read of God’s power exhibited in the Scriptures and throughout the world, how can we not grieve when He do not see that power? We should not be content with fishing that catches no fish.

3. Increased numbers should lead to rejoicing and encouragement.

Jesus died for a lost world (John 3:16), and heaven rejoices when lost sheep are found (Luke 15:7). People from every tongue, tribe, and nation will worship God around His throne (Rev. 7:9). When God draws men and women to Himself – thus increasing our church numbers – it is right to celebrate. It is right to encourage those whom God is using to change lives.

4. Numbers require us to ask hard questions.

Spurgeon’s words are tough indeed. Where there is no growth, there may be little getting done. Where numbers decrease amid a growing population, “you may reckon that the prayers of the people and the preaching of the minister are not of the most powerful kind.” Those words sting, but they sting because they ring true. Is it possible that the church I lead is not reaching non-believers because my praying and preaching are weak? Do I choose to decry statistics because the numbers I would have to report are low?

5. Numbers help us evaluate the type of growth a church experiences.

Even if a church is growing, we must evaluate the source of that growth. Leaders should know if growth is simply transfer growth rather than conversion growth. Spurgeon again was right in an earlier section of the lecture quoted above, “We do not regard it to be soul-winning to steal members out of churches already established.” Statistics help us to see if our church is really threatening the enemy.

Agreeing that we do not want numbers to become an idol, tell us how you have used statistics properly to lead your church toward growth.

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary.

You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Church Staff Person: From the Pastor’s Perspective

After about a quarter of a century of church consultations, I have dealt with a plethora of church staff matters. I continue to hear many of the same themes since I left church consultation.

Today I present the top ten issues from the senior pastor’s perspective. In an upcoming post, I will offer ten issues from the church staff perspective. My desire in writing these two blogposts is to offer a positive framework, and to allow church staff today, and pastors on Saturday, to have the best possible work relationships.

Have a strong work ethic. This encouragement expressed by pastors about the staff was pervasive.
Be loyal. Pastors do not expect blind loyalty, but they do want to know that the staff member has his back.
Execute well. It’s great if the staff member is full of ideas and dreams, but he or she should also be excellent at accomplishing a task.
Work on personality chemistry. Sometimes the chemistry is just not good. Most pastors understand that this issue is two-way, and both parties need to work at liking each other.
Same vision. Make certain that any vision you may have at the church complements and does not conflict with the vision of the pastor.
Do first the work you were hired to do. Church staff persons typically are hired with specific job descriptions. Make certain those ministries and tasks are accomplished first.
Be careful about accepting a position that had no senior pastor input. Some churches do not allow the pastor to have a say in the hiring of staff members. This approach can be problematic. The pastor has a staff member he did not have input on or did he request. Conflict is highly common in these situations.
Work to have healthy relationships with other staff members. Unity among the staff members is vital.
Work to have healthy relationships with church members. The pastor is usually the person that gets involved if these relationships are not healthy.
Attend all staff meetings if possible. I’ve been surprised how often I’ve heard this one. My advice to church staff members: Don’t miss staff meetings.

Most churches have staff with very healthy relationships. It is my prayer that this list of ten items from several pastors’ perspective will help. On Saturday we will look at this same issue from the church staff’s perspective.

Ten Ways to Be Better Church Staff Person: From the Pastor’s Perspective

After about a quarter of century of church consultations, I have dealt with a plethora of church staff matters. I continue to hear many of the same themes since I left church consultation.

Today I present the top ten issues from the senior pastor’s perspective. In an upcoming post, I will offer ten issues from the church staff perspective. My desire in writing these two blogposts is to offer a positive framework, and to allow church staff today, and pastors on Saturday, to have the best possible work relationships.

Have a strong work ethic. This encouragement expressed by pastors about the staff was pervasive.
Be loyal. Pastors do not expect blind loyalty, but they do want to know that the staff member has his back.
Execute well. It’s great if the staff member is full of ideas and dreams, but he or she should also be excellent at accomplishing a task.
Work on personality chemistry. Sometimes the chemistry is just not good. Most pastors understand that this issue is two-way, and both parties need to work at liking each other.
Same vision. Make certain that any vision you may have at the church complements and does not conflict with the vision of the pastor.
Do first the work you were hired to do. Church staff persons typically are hired with specific job descriptions. Make certain those ministries and tasks are accomplished first.
Be careful about accepting a position that had no senior pastor input. Some churches do not allow the pastor to have a say in the hiring of staff members. This approach can be problematic. The pastor has a staff member he did not have input on or did he request.  Conflict is highly common in these situations.
Work to have healthy relationships with other staff members. Unity among the staff members is vital.
Work to have healthy relationships with church members. The pastor is usually the person that gets involved if these relationships are not healthy.
Attend all staff meetings if possible. I’ve been surprised how often I’ve heard this one. My advice to church staff members: Don’t miss staff meetings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most churches have staff with very healthy relationships. It is my prayer that this list of ten items from several pastors’ perspective will help. On Saturday we will look at this same issue from the church staff’s perspective.