Tedder's Blog, page 22

Embracing the Mystery

I used to have a hard time with the whole “God works in mysterious ways” adage. It seemed suspect to me in a way that I couldn’t explain.

But what I discovered is that I was striving for a a set of beliefs that explained everything, something absolute. A way of believing that left no question unanswered, no stone unturned.

What I have come I understand is that this kind of approach would leave no room for exploration, or surprise, or genuine discovery. It would eliminate the need for a person to seek God for their own reasons because the reasons would already be laid out for them, all the answers solved, all the mysteries realized.

And I really believe this would stop people from feeling the need to pursue God in the first place. So now, I try to embrace the mystery and stop being so obsessed with trying to figure intro what is coming next. If we knew, we couldn’t appreciate the actual moment. Hope would become obsolete.

B

#healing #incest #riseabove #jesuslovesyou #prisonerbynocrimeofmyown #evil #noincest #godisgood #cptsdsurvivor #sexabusesurvivor #childhoodemotionalneglect

Mirror Mirror ~ God’s Love Leads

Introspection — what better way to start a week.

God’s love has brought me my deepest healing.

I had to go to counselors for over 20 years to get my symptoms in order and understand them, but do you know what brought me to the understanding that I needed a counselor? God did. He guided me through his word and taught me about myself.

In my early 20s, I was lead to this scripture:

The Lord said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s [innocent] blood is crying out to Me from the ground [for justice].

Genesis 4:10 (AMP)

Those words pinned me to the truth of the murder I’d witnessed. God knew. He was with me that day in June of ’68 and he was with me that day in my 20s to bring me back to that place for healing. The murdered woman’s blood was crying out to God for justice.

God is in the business of repairing broken lives. It’s what he does.

Ask yourself this question: What has God shown you about a repair in your life that He wants to heal?

Trust him in the process. Let go and let God.

Here’s the story of my journey:

Debunking False Memory Syndrome

If you’ve ever lived through a sliver in your foot, you know that you feel the syptoms, experience the uncomfort of it, but often times you cannot find the root cause until it reveals itself much later through reddness around the area, puffiness and increasing pain. Then, the sliver is revealed and can be removed.

Because you couldn’t see the foreign object that had entered your foot, did it mean that object wasn’t real?

Because you couldn’t locate the foreign object until it revealed itself through worsening conditions, did it mean the object embedded in your foot was false and not really there?

Of course not! That sounds like foolishness, doesn’t it?

Being raped at three years old presents itself in the same way. It’s real but you don’t expunge it until the syptoms it left in your life become so unmanagable and the pain so persistent you have no choice but to look for the cause and hopefully the cure.

The False Memory Syndrome Foundation (FMSF) was a nonprofit organization founded in 1992 and dissolved in late 2019. This foundation was created by a pedophile and supported by other pedophiles, my father being a strong supporter.

Stanton states that “Rarely has such a strange and little-understood organization had such a profound effect on media coverage of such a controversial matter.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_Memory_Syndrome_Foundation

Media gave more coverage to the FMSF than to the victim. Seriously? So, the media aided and abetted pedophiles in committing or encouraging them to commit a crime. Generally, an aider and abettor is criminally liable to the same extent as the person committing the crime.

How many victims silenced themselves watching this ridiculous charade play out in the media?

Maybe this notion that victims of childhood sexual crimes need no attention by law enforcement or from media may begin to shift when ALL of the folks who aid and abet these horrific criminals be held accountable for their actions.

#aprisonerbynocrimeofmyown

We need to stand up as a group and fight back. Don’t let these actions silence you. Fight back with all you have.

If I can tell my story and stand strong with it, you can stand strong with yours! Read my full story here:

Listen to the audiobook free with a trial subscription here:

https://www.audible.com/pd/B0C3WK21ZK/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-349773&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_349773_rh_us

Choosing Joy

As I tried to make sense of all the pain, I was left with one question for God:

Why?!

While the person that started the fire is still out there- unpunished. Living their life in total freedom. Free of consequence and seemingly, of suffering.

But I know, what I’ve always known, no one can think for me. No one can choose for me where I allow my thoughts to settle. No one can ultimately decide which way I choose to go.

Mature people are those who learn to suffer well. Suffering well requires learning how to return to joy from the injustices and pain of life. Maturity is not something you develop in a day. There are no short cuts. It’s hard work …. But man is it worth it.

But there are choices I can make that will increase my capacity for joy. And the cumulative impact of those choices will go a long way toward growing a deeper walk with God.

B

Choosing joy requires capacity. Capacity requires hard work. It may not be easy. But it reaps rewards that are worth the effort.”
—Dr. Marcus Warner

#recovery #love #traumahealing #cptsd #abuse #mentalhealthmatters #emotionalabuse #narcissist #survivor

F N’ F (Fear Not Friday)

On the discussion of fear — Do you fear disease and illnesses?

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”

― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Our bodies hold things tightly until we feel safe. The war that wages within creates havoc internally and forces our bodies into illnesses and disease that we most likely wouldn’t battle with if we just disclosed “what we know.”

Why are we so brutally opposed to the truth? What is worse — knowing and healing or staying stuck in denial and dying slowly each day?

I have my answer. I chose life, health and healing. I struggle daily to keep on the path of goodness, light and purity. This comes by allowing myself to know what I know.” It’s so hard at first. We fight this one a lot. “Stay hidden” our mind screams at us in an effort to keep steady with our normal that we have today.

But, it isn’t normal if it includes blocking what you know.

Are you doing what it takes to keep you body positioned for health?

If you came through trauma and haven’t read this book, you should!

Victim or victimizer?

One of the biggest mistakes I made while recovering from my childhood trauma was to avoid real relationships. To avoid conflict…in particular, being challenged.

I dated men who never stood up to me. I was noncommittal. I saw any attempt at boundaries or self-preservation on the part of the other person as abusive. Any amount of anger directed at me felt intolerable- even if it was an honest and legitimate response to an injustice committed by me.

I thought I could heal as long as anyone didn’t trigger me. Didn’t challenge me or “make” me feel certain ways.

Yes, I have been victimized. But now I was victimizing other people and for a long time, I couldn’t face that fact. I was blaming and self-absorbed. My pain always trumped everyone else’s. I suffered from intense mood-swings and felt uncertainty about myself and everyone else. I couldn’t cope. I was in a trauma loop & constant state of fight or flight. A healthy relationship seemed beyond my reach in every way imaginable.

For me, it was all learned behavior. In other words, I was hurting so I hurt other people. This is what I had been taught and had become automatic at this point.

It’s crude but I was a products of my environment and my behavior allowed me to feel powerful or as if I was finally in control of relationships, something I lacked when being abused.

In my mind, I was still the victim .. even though I was just doing some of the same behavior on others.

In the end, we are all victims and victimizers.

We’ve slandered others, mistreated others, stolen, lied, abused, neglected, cheated, and misused the things we were responsible for. We have offended others. We’ve grieved someone at one time or another in varying degrees. We are both Victims & Victimizers. We must understand this before moving forward.

I had to before I could truly learn who I was and how I wanted to grow, change and heal.

B

#noincest #godisgood #cptsdsurvivor #sexabusesurvivor #childhoodemotionalneglect #ptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #aces #suicideawarness #jesusislord #ptsd #cptsdwarriorstance #traumabond #ptsdawareness #familysecrets

Don’t Stay Stuck

There are a myriad of books on the topic of healing from childhood sexual abuse. There are some fantastic memoirs that help us feel a partnership on this burdensome road to healing. Read them! Share them! Find life and hope through them. Years before I went to a counselor to dive deeper, I put my head into books and learned about the process of healing. It helped tremendously.

Tomorrow on Let’s Talk About It | Destigmatizing Childhood Sexual Crimes, the author of First, I Believe You, A True Story of Healing from Hidden Memories of Severe Childhood Trauma, will be with us to share her story. The conversation will delve into the realities of living through tremendous abuse, what it looks like, how recovered memories return, and the complicated family relationships.

This YouTube channel does much more than just share the story, we talk about the road OUT to healing and the multiple complications that follow us.

#interviews #podcast #interview #childhoodtrauma #media #follow #love #spotify #motivation #author #childwelfare #resilience, #trauma, #childtrauma, #childhoodtrauma, #socialemotional

Seeking Resilience Through God

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9).

Resilience is the human heart’s ability to suffer greatly and grow from it.

So how do we build resilience?

One enemy of resilience is the incorrect assumption that we know how things will end. When a situation seems out of control or does not appear to be headed in the right direction, we tend to write “The End” over the story. We think we know the final result, so, instead of exercising resilience, we give up or take matters into our own hands.

Choosing to trust in the Lord rather than rely on what we understand is the best way to stay resilient.

If you try to deal with life’s difficulties on your own, if you attempt to be strong by yourself, you will faint and you will fail. Why? Because by yourself, your strength is too small.

Prayer, meditation, and being in nature are also important for me to nurture my spiritual life and relationship with God, which helps me build resilience by reminding me of God’s perspective and presence.

B

#grief #pain #uncovered #promises #truth #choosetruth #resistdenial #walkawayfromincest traumarecovery #healing #incest #riseabove #jesuslovesyou #prisonerbynocrimeofmyown #evil #noincest #godisgood #cptsdsurvivor

WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | What Was Stolen from You?

When we learn to articiulate what our abuse took from us, we can grieve appropriately and begin to heal. If we sit in a muck of undiscovery, never articulating what we feel, we stay stuck, unhealed and a stranger to ourselves.

Why discuss it?

If you were a child when these sexual crimes happened to you, you won’t have the words you need to coherntly express what you lived through until you give it voice. It will stay stuck in the cavern of childhood. Children do not know how to talk about their experience. They need to be asked the right questions – often through play therapy and so on.

If you’ve never talked about the abuse you received, how do you intelligibly explain it?

Illuminating our experiences with verbal expression is paramount to healing. It is a must.

Coming through my childhood, I had no virginity remotely left to give to anybody. I had no trust. I couldn’t rest so my peace was shattered. I feared day and night and night and day. I didn’t understand the concept of love. Hate rang through my being like a whiffle ball being hurled my way over and over.

So, I ask you again, what was taken from you when the crime occurred?

Learned Hopefulness

Sometimes, the conversation between my brain and I goes something like this:

Why don’t you leave this situation if you’re uncomfortable?

I can’t.

Yes you can. Just go.

I’m stuck here.

No you’re not. 

Yes I am. Literally glued here. Stuck forever. This is my life now.

What on earth…ok, listen, just move your right foot and then your left. Head towards the exit. Slow and steady. 

I can’t feel my legs. This is the end. I don’t even think I have legs! AHHHHH-

Great!

This thought process is called learned helplessness. Essentially, a person is stuck for a prolonged time in an unpredictable and harmful situation they cannot escape from.

Imagine a loop, except the loop is made of anxiety and trauma. When you start to make laps around the loop, this is when learned helplessness is created in your neural pathways – the deep grooves in your brain that form when you repeat something over and over. Consider yourself a professional athlete, but in the worst game of all time.

Learned helplessness, from its name, is learned. It is not innate or permanent. Thus, with effort over time, it can be unlearned.

For me, retraining my brain and learning to rewire my thoughts towards hopefulness and positivity has been indispensable in my recovery. God, more than any one thing has freed me from my own prescribed victim narrative as well as my family. I wouldn’t have made it through the difficulties in my life without them. Because of my husband, and our children, I emerge hopeful over and over. This has been a constant. Nothing — and no one — can destroy us. Not even the memory, and the surging triggers, of my father’s abuse.

B

#shareyourstory #traumahealing #useyourvoice #speakup #cptsdwarrior #traumaquotes