Tedder's Blog, page 20
July 25, 2023
Share: Heal. Grow
Telling my story was the most difficult thing I have ever done.
My voice was repeatedly silenced as a child, and I locked those memories and emotions safely away in my mind where I thought they would stay forever. That little girl was too wounded to stay quiet. She wanted peace. She wanted happiness and for that to happen, she needed my comfort, compassion and understanding. She finally got her voice.
These are a few reasons why I share my story:
It empowers me.
It allows me to feel.
It connects me.
It gives me purpose.
It is my right!
So, when you get the opportunity and it feels safe, I hope you speak up. And let your voice shake (as mine does almost every time)!
B
#prisonerbynocrimeofmyown #evil #noincest #godisgood #cptsdsurvivor #sexabusesurvivor #childhoodemotionalneglect #ptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #aces #suicideawarness #jesusislord #ptsd #cptsdwarriorstance #traumabond #ptsdawareness #familysecrets
Teaser Tuesday ~ Misguided Role of Heroine
It should never be the job of a child to care for their parent. This is why abusers get away with so much.
Grab your copy here (paperback, Kindle, audiobook):
July 24, 2023
On Healing
All of us are at different stages in our healing. I find it important to not only acknowledge the unhealed among us (not to mention the unhealed parts of of ourselves) but to honor them as well.
Those who have healed have their vision to impart. They have an offering that shines, radiant with possibilities.
But for many that dream is too far away to grasp. It is too far away from the next step that must be taken.
The unhealed life is a bridge between terror and perfection.
It is tangible because it is close enough to everyone’s pain.
It is hope and courage held out to everyone; it is the triumph of the human spirit.
It acknowledges the uncertainty; it says there is love in it all…from unhealed to healed & everything in between.
B
Mirror Mirror ~ Meditation
Introspection — what better way to start a week.
Meditation, contemplation, thought – thinking, consideration — all fantastic words for the technique of mindfulness or focuses.
Where you put your mind is where your focus will be.
Do you focus on despair? You most likely will find it.
Are you looking for calm and peace? Or do you hunt for the things that will make you unrestful?
It is an easy question: Where is your mind’s focus?
Your focus is most likely where you are heading next.
July 22, 2023
Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder
I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.
A Jewel: Have you made a pact with the Devil? You may have if you have kept silent to stay with the family of incest you came through. Think about that. Incest is darkness. The families that house those secrets of incest are darkness. If you stay by them, you have become complicite in that darkness. Don’t stay in cahoots with the Devil because you think it is less painful.
A Gem: I am not a religious person. As a matter of fact, I despise religion. I am a follower of the Jesus Christ as He is written about in the New Testament. That is my creed. I am affiliated with no religious organization. I simply write about my experience and how faith is the force that sets me apart.
Metaphorical Gunpowder: On Tuesday, May 1, 2007, the newspaper ad was published:
We received no response, but it felt good. I hoped, as the PI said, that Dad or Craig saw the damn thing. I was a force to be reckoned with – I hoped.
From the book A Prisoner by No Crime of My Own. Incest. Rape Murder.
Want more?
Please comment below by leaving your jewel, a gem or something you keep yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.
All love!
July 21, 2023
The Past
Many of us knew long before science began to prove it: that generational violence is handed down biologically.
You can see it in families where emotional and sexual abuse is handed down through the generations.
It goes on and on.
It’s not hard to see the impact of trauma around us.
But trauma and the horrific nature of it, when faced, can bring about a very deep kind of waking up. Of coming alive.
Many of you know Leonard Cohen’s well-known line: “In the broken places the light shines through.”
It is true. When we deepen our focus and open our hearts: In the broken places the light shines through…
There is too a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength.
B
#childhoodemotionalneglect #ptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #aces #suicideawarness #jesusislord #ptsd #cptsdwarriorstance #traumabond #ptsdawareness #familysecrets
Watch “Let’s Talk About It | Destigmatizing Childhood Sexual Crimes”
The YouTube Channel dedicated to warrior stories is now live. We delve into the reality of childhood sexual crimes and what the inside of these homes actually look like, the toll it takes to survive and more.
This Thursday I meet with Taylor Fulks to discuss her book, My Prison Without Bars — The Journey of a Damaged Woman to Someplace Normal. Here’s a clip from that interview:
Subscribe and watch all the interviews here:
F N’ F (Fear Not Friday) ~ Relationships
On the discussion of fear — Do you fear relationships?
I do!
How do you come through years of childhood tragedy and believe that people are safe? You don’t. That’s the real answer. If you think about it, it would be ridiculous to trust people. Why would you? Who has shown you safety? Who was trustworthy? Who looked out for your best interests?
In my case, my grandmother gave me the best sense of that, but it wasn’t enough to overshadow the looming dragons of my yesteryears. I would have been a moron to trust people. I didn’t trust my first husband of 17 years. I knew he betrayed me, betlittled me, and kept me in prison. Prison was all I knew. Captivity was something I was taught – almost created for in my family of origin.
Then, I’m told to trust. WTF! Are you seriously asking me to do that?
Lies and deceit were what I expected and lies and deceit were what I got. Until the day I decided I was done living with the rules of my past. ALL DONE!
I didn’t yet have new rules but I left that marriage. I left my family of origin. I began to forge a new path. It was scary but I learned. It brought me to a much safer place. Keep God at your helm and GO. LEAVE UNSAFE TERRITORIES.
When you stay with unsafe people, you will always believe people are unsafe.
July 20, 2023
Doing Nothing …
How many of us really know how to be still? Do nothing? I know I really struggle with it. My personality is such that I’m always trying to optimize, heal, learn, do, be better. But it’s exhausting and can be counterproductive in terms of really being present in our lives.
I’ve been trying to teach my kids the valuable skill of doing nothing by setting a timer for 10 mins and instructing them to literally do nothing. No toys, no TV, zilch! And I follow suite. It isn’t easy! For any of us. But it’s a good practice to be in, I believe.
Fulfillment is a balancing act between moments of joy and moments of stillness. One of the hardest things is learning to be okay with this duality of life.
Often we can find more fulfillment simply by paying attention. Notice every now and again when you feel a sense of calm. When you’re going for a walk, notice how you put one foot in front of the other without thinking about it. Sometimes that in itself is enough to amaze me and bring me a sense of contentment.
B
#trauma #mentalhealth #ptsd #healing #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #selfcare #therapy #selflove #traumarecovery
The Power of Confession
The problem with keeping secrets is that they’re alive. We like to think that our secrets can lie quietly in our minds, as inert as dirt, but we’re wrong. Secrets aren’t just our creations…they’re our creatures, beings with wills of their own. They grow. They reproduce, as we form new secrets to support the old ones. They even migrate, colonizing the people closest to us (ask anyone from a secretive family). But the scariest thing about secrets is what they want: They want out.
By Martha beck, oprah magazine
Secrets are just part of our life journey. Keeping them in darkness can be damaging.
I read a book called “The Power of Confession.” In the book they take two groups of college kids and watch them for four years. The first group, Group A, they just monitored behavior. They ran an experiment with Group B.
Brain waves were monitored in each individual in Group B. Implants in different areas of the brain recorded and/or stimulated specific sites in the brain. The person was then asked to tell them something they had never told any other person about. The brain activity quickly showed a congruence between the two hemisphres of the brain. They surmised that it takes power in our brain to block secrets. When that secret was told, the brain released.
The study also showed that Group B had almost no visits to the nurses station at the college for the four years. Group A went on a much more frequent basis for medical attention.
Secrets are not good for us. Period. This is why it is important to tell our stories.
