Tedder's Blog, page 19

When You’re Over Your Trauma But It Isn’t Over You

When you feel like you’re finally out your trauma but quickly realize your trauma is not out of you.

The truth is that trauma is not just “in your head”… and you can’t think yourself out of it.

Lord knows I’ve tried!

After all, trauma is an invisible wound. When we as survivors can forget it’s there.

There are many days when I want to simply be completely moved on from my past. I get sick of its impact on my life and in my body. But then I come back around to the idea that running always makes it worse and that staying and continuing to do the work to heal my body is the only way to continue forward.

Lugging emotions, trauma, guilt, resentment, and memories with us can compound day-to-day stress, to further age us, wreak havoc on our bodies and health, and result in serious long-term consequences, such as excess weight, anxiety, and even physical pain and poor posture. Even doctors are now on board with these facts.

We may be out of the situations that traumatized us but they may not fully be out of us.

Keep going. Every prayer. Every act of self care and balancing the nervous system is a gift to oneself and another step out of the pit of trauma.

B

#healing #incest #riseabove #jesuslovesyou #prisonerbynocrimeofmyown #evil #noincest #godisgood #cptsdsurvivor #sexabusesurvivor #childhoodemotionalneglect #ptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #aces #suicideawarness #jesusislord #ptsd #cptsdwarriorstance #traumabond #ptsdawareness #familysecrets

Mirror Mirror ~ Forgiveness

Introspection — what better way to start a week.

What if forgiveness meant letting go?

What if the act of forgiveness separated you from the person who harmed you?

The very nature of forgiving to me means that I am now separate from the person who hurt me. I don’t see the world according to them any longer. I am free.

Here’s a short clip where Latarsha Haughton and I discuss this:

Is this how you see forgiveness?

Subscribe and watch all interviews here:

Support Group Looking to Add Members

Wildflower is looking for some members to join “Sexual Trauma Support Group for Women.”

There is no cost to join. They want members who have lived through sexual crimes to grab a blanket, get a cup of coffee, tea or wine, and join by Zoom for connection, comfort and conversation.

For more information on joining this private Facebook group contact Kalli at “kallisunshine@gmail.com” kallisunshine@gmail.com. This group will be limited to 20 women.

Together we are all stronger!

Watch “Let’s Talk About It | Destigmatizing Childhood Sexual Crimes”

A new interview with Latarsha Haughton, author of Breaking the Silence, is now up on the YouTube Channel dedicated to warrior stories. We delve into the reality of childhood sexual crimes, supressing the memories to survive, and in Latarsha’s case, she leaves her father’s home with is child.

Here’s a clip from that interview:

Subscribe and watch all the interviews here:

Subscribe to support our work!

I believe in miracles…

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
Roald Dahl

It’s crazy to me that people don’t believe in miracles. They abound and surround us every day. Big and small. I’m still humbled by the smallest of miracles…the little wonders of life, like seeing the smile on the face of your three-year-old after he picks herself up from a fall. Or, the hummingbird who stops by at your kitchen window feeder for a fraction of second.

I didn’t always feel this way, but today, I hold a belief that Life is miraculous. Yes, I know it can suck sometimes, and there’s lots of terrible stuff going on in the world.

But just to be alive is a miracle. To take your next breath, let alone have a body with all its functions (all those cells doing what they’re supposed to, most of the time). Its amazing.

B

F N’ F (Fear Not Friday) ~ Discussions

On the discussion of fear — Do you fear discussions?

Discussions can make us feel vulnerable, right? Who will be right? Who will be wrong? What will “they” learn about me? And, on and on our inside critic begins.

I rather enjoy the art of discussing today. It’s risky for sure, but it is necessary. We learn through conversation. We can stipulate to what we are hearing or we can ignore and deny it. Conversing doesn’t need an end point. It can be merely to interact with another person.

We don’t have to judge everything we hear. We also don’t have to have an opinion about it. We can just listen.

Enter the ring next time something comes up. It can be fun, it can be scary, but it won’t leave you feeling alone.

When Grief Leads to Gratitude

Practicing gratitude this week is the collective realization of my family that all of the hard work we have done to free ourselves from our toxic, unhealthy family, extricate ourself from self-destructive familial patterns, and set ourselves on a path of Truth seeking and healing is truly showing itself in remarkable ways. Sometimes, the effort we put into healing isn’t immediately felt or seen. Sometimes, in fact, things feel harder, less familiar and we often feel stuck, overwhelmed and more alone than ever when we have to give up certain coping mechanisms and leave behind family and our abusers. Even if leaving these things behind is best for us, it can still feel excruciating to give them up. For some time, you just have to put in the work and hope that what you’re doing will ultimately show up in your life in a myriad of ways – blessings, gifts, gems, whatever you want to call them.

Our family has been through a tremendous amount of trauma. Most people who go through the kind of traumas we go though don’t really have strong bonds that remain intact though the healing process. We’ve had our fair share of breaks, hurts, and struggles but we’ve come through them stronger and with better boundaries and more hope.

Today, I see all of us standing independent, in charge of our own lives but also open and receptive to the love each of us brings to the table. For that, I am endlessly proud.

B

Know Your Rights & Pursue Justice ~ Child Sex Abuse Lawyers

“Childhood sex abuse has a lifelong impact on the victim and their entire family. It may lead to increased anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms. In such cases of abuse, the family has the right to pursue compensation for the child’s suffering.”

from Cordisco & Saile LLC

I was contacted by a law firm yesterday and was sent this fantastic resource link I wanted to share: https://www.cordiscosaile.com/navigating-child-sex-abuse/. It is so important to know your rights.

There are many law firms across the nation that have practice areas for “Child Sex Abuse.” If you or a loved one is a victim, you may be able to seek justice and pursue compensation. Google “Child Sex Abuse” lawyers to find help in your area.

For informational purposes only, I share this example from Cordisco & Saile LLC website:

How Can a Child Sex Abuse Lawyer Help?

We will do the following for you and your family:

Learn who’s responsible for your child’s abuse: The perpetrator is often not the only party responsible. Too often, sexual abuse occurs while a child is under the care of a trusted institution with a legal duty to protect the children in its care. When an organization fails to provide a safe environment, the family has the right to pursue compensation. We investigate the cause of your child’s abuse to identify all liable parties.Evaluate your case and determine the compensation you deserve: Child sex abuse can create many costly problems for the family. We help our clients evaluate their financial and non-financial losses and build a claim.Fight for justice on your child’s behalf: Abusers face criminal charges, but often they don’t. Furthermore, the organizations that enable them are rarely charged. We will work through the civil courts to hold perpetrators and their enablers responsible for your child’s suffering.  Example of Child Sex Abuse Statute of Limitations (Pennsylvania)

Under a 2019 Pennsylvania law amending the statute of limitations, child sexual abuse survivors abused before age 18 have until their 55th birthday to file a lawsuit.Before the 2019 law, the civil statute of limitations required child victims to file a case within 12 years of turning 18, or by age 30. However, the 2019 law was not retroactive, so survivors who had already turned 30 by 2019 are time-barred from filing lawsuits. Meanwhile, the 2019 law also gives individuals who were between the ages of 18 and 23 when the sexual abuse occurred until their 30th birthday to file suit. While people between 18 and 23 are not considered minors, they can still suffer sexual abuse from forcible compulsion—via physical, emotional, or psychological force—or the threat of forcible compulsion. 

Disrupt the Cycle of Abuse

Breaking your family patterns may be the most important work you do and the most challenging.

It is easy to believe that in leaving our childhood homes and embarking upon the journey of adulthood, we have effectively removed ourselves from harmful and self-perpetuating familial patterns.

In looking closely at ourselves, however, we may discover that our behaviors and beliefs are still those that were impressed upon us during our youth by our parents, grandparents, and the generations that preceded them.

We may find ourselves unconsciously perpetuating cycles of the previous generations, such as cycles of incest and abuse but also things like not showing affection or secrecy patterns.

Yet the transmission of negative or negative patterns from one generation to the next does not have to be inevitable.

It is possible to become the endpoint at which negative family cycles that have thrived for generations are exhausted and can exert their influence no longer.

Breaking the pattern is a matter of overcoming those values imprinted upon us long ago in order to replace them with pure love, tolerance, and conscious awareness. 

Even if you have struggled with the cumulative effects of family cycles that were an expression of established modes of living, you can still liberate yourself from the effects of your family history.

Only when you understand how family cycles have influenced you can you gain freedom from those cycles.

In order to truly change, you must give yourself permission to change. Breaking family patterns is in no way an act of defiance or betrayal.

Many people are on the earth at this time to break family cycles, for all of you are true pioneers.

In breaking negative family cycles, you will discover that your ability to express your feelings and needs grows exponentially and that you will embark upon a journey toward greater well-being that can positively impact generations to come. 

B

#sexabusesurvivor #childhoodemotionalneglect #ptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #aces #suicideawarness #jesusislord #ptsd #cptsdwarriorstance

WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | Birthed for Suffering?

There is a saying that “Jesus was born to die.” If Jesus was born to die, I was birthed to suffer.

I don’t recall a day in my childhood that didn’t have suffering in it. Maybe I had moments where I enjoyed something – an ice cream, a bike ride, but there was always embedded in my soul the song of suffering. I speak that with full clarity.

The beautiful thing is that I have now changed that story. I might have been birthed into a diseased, sin-ridden family but I no longer live at that address. And you don’t have to either!

These emeshed, sick relationships keep us stuck. Recruited into darkness as children, those relationships hover over us and suffocate any light. The comingling with families of incest will always keep you in pain.

Get out! Get away from them. It’s okay to love them but stop listening to the story they tell. They don’t love you or your wouldn’t have come through so much trauma and pain. You must believe that! There is no love there. You are losing little by leaving but I know in the beginning it feels like a tremendous loss. No family.

I’ll leave this question: Is it better to sleep in a bed of snakes or stand alone in the desert?

You won’t stand alone for long. I know that to be true.