Tedder's Blog, page 24

Teaser Tuesday ~ A Prisoner

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Mirror Mirror ~ Anxiety & Worry

Introspection — what better way to start a week.

Question – Why does anxiety and worry follow the life of the abused person?

Like a dripping faucet or a persistently cloudy day anxiety has riddled my life. It was one of the main reasons I got into counseling and stayed the course until it dissipated.

Pain is in a category of it’s own. Anguish and denial are kept at bay with worry. Did you ever think about it like that? If we’re constantly fretting over this or that, our minds are preoccupied and cannot accept more.

When the winds of fret died down, I could begin seeing what needed to be repaired in me.

Ask yourself this question: How does stress and anxiety keep you from the deeper work of healing?

Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder

I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.

A Jewel: There is this Proverb that says, “Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.” Proverbs 31:6. It struck me with such honesty. When I was anguishing wine was the only friend I allowed close. And, of course, those friends that over imbibed with me. While I am not mad at myself for those days, it occurred to me why I don’t now like overdrinking wine.

I am no longer in anguish.

A Gem: I have never had many hobbies. My life’s turmoil dedicated a different path for me. However, today, I do have hobbiles. Cooking is my favorite past time. Music my second. I try to make sure I have time for the things today that bring me peace, lend joy to my world, and help me smile just a little bit more.

Metaphorical Gunpowder: I am fit for the kindgom of God because of the gift that was given at the cross when Jesus laid down his life to restore our relationship to God.

Religion and the man-made traditions of this world I flat out despise. There is a real correlation between religion and faith wounds. Keep far away from those that judge, that cannot understand in love, and that would demean you. Keep far away from them.

Please comment below by leaving your jewel, a gem or something you keep yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.

All love!

Do You Know Your Rights?

It took me a long time to realize I had rights.

The right to exist. Feel safe. The right to be wrong and make mistakes. The right to love. To be vulnerable. To day to no. To say yes! To believe. To be sad or angry.

I’m learning to feel safe. I’m learning to trust myself. I’m learning that I have rights.

Telling my story has helped me achieve these things and more. When you begin feel safe in your body, you can begin to translate the memories that previously overwhelmed you into language. Telling the story is SO important, without stories memory becomes frozen and without memory you can not imagine how things can be different.

B

Coming Alive

When trust is lost, traumatized people feel that they belong more to the dead than to the living.

Judith Lewis Herman’s

But we are not dead and they can’t kill us. They can rob us of our right to connection and vibrancy. Learning to trust, reconnect and love and bd loved is the only way forward. Coming alive in our hearts and minds and bodies.

Trauma isolates us; connection re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; connection with others helps bear witness and offers affirmation. Trauma degrades the victim; her loved ones hold her up. Trauma dehumanizes while a sense of belonging can help restore our humanity.

B

Bananas & Popsicles

Things that I love!

I loved blowing bubbles with my children. The act of gooey fingers dipping in the syrupy bubble sauce and raising the wand to your mouth was just so much fun. The sheer delight of little fingers racing after the whirling air bubbles. Nothing like it.

The taste of an ice cream cone on a hot July day melting down the side of your hand.

If I hadn’t walked through my past the joy of these small delicacies would have been lost.

Why do we explore our past? To rid ourselves of the constant pain, the dripping irritation of all the damage rattling in the innermost parts of our being.

Joy certain does come in the morning, it’s true. But, for surivivors, it is the act of telling that starts, continues, and completes the healing process.

Cotton candy! Popcorn! Movies! Love! Joy! Times of refreshing.

That’s what waits for the healed life. Keep going. It is worth it.

All love!

Resilience and Faith

Truth: many people among us already practice deep resilience. The grounded, raw day-to-day of people has as much to teach us as any textbook or intellectual treatise.

Learning to love is an act of faith and vulnerability. Learning to receive love and give love is the greatest achievement any of us could achieve.

If we can’t come as we are and if we can’t bring our “real” then we are not co-creators of faith.

Faith requires us to be wide open and it is hard to do that with shields up.

B

Why Do You Get Your Past, But I Don’t Get Mine?

If people with good childhoods get to tell their story and hang onto their past, why don’t those of us with bad upbringings get the same privilege?

Everyone around me gets the privilege of recalling & telling childhood memories – except for me. Everyone reminisces about the stuff that made them who they are – except, I can’t.

I’m sorry they won’t allow me to share my stuff. It made me who I am – except, I can’t share that part. They won’t let me.

I don’t mind if you know me. I’m willing to reveal all of who I am. Can I please tell you my story so that you may understand me better?

Nope, they don’t want to hear. I’m not shunned necessarily but I’m looked at as, “I feel bad for you, but we don’t want to hear your story.” You need to heal and get rid of that.

Why? I listen to your stories all the days long. Time and time again, I hear about the past from everyone around me, except – they don’t want me to tell a story at the table. They get to, but I do not.

Is this fair? Nope! Will this change in my life time? Probably not.

Why?

Listen, I am much more than my past but I don’t hear anyone with a good childhood being told to “not live in their past.” They use their past for strength in their today. The love and protection they were given they draw from all the time. There is nothing wrong with that.

So, here’s the thing — if their past is still with them for the good feel free to jump back into your past and extinguish the fires of yesterday. Our past remains with us. Period. It’s just a certainity.

How we choose to handle our past is what matters.

Wildflowers on the mountains of Montana! You see you today. All love!

The Way Out

I

My story is one with a beginning, but no end. It is a story that continues to evolve and change. With each season that passes, a new me rises from the ashes of my past.

As I heal from trauma and unlearn the patterns that were handed down from generation to generation, another facet of who I was always meant to be emerges. Instead of stuffing my problems and hiding them through substance use, I confront them and adjust my behavior. I walk in forgiveness toward myself and those who harmed me, knowing that many people got here the same way I did – because someone showed us a way to live that was contrary to a life of wellness lived to its fullest.

I didn’t grow up with big dreams. I grew up wondering, “How can I get through this day in tact … mentally and physically.

In addition to the trauma I grew up with, I also learned something else from my parents. I learned that the only way to deal with life was to stuff it deep down and keep moving. The way you did this was simple – drugs and alcohol.

It was this hopelessness and the constant nightmares of my past that led me deeper into my addictions.

But I found a way out … through hope and prayer and therapy and employing the use of dozens of healing modalities.

I go out into my new world afraid and unfamiliar with the surroundings, but I push through the fear and forge ahead. I face my trauma and refuse to be victimized by it any longer.

I have been able to overcome and find healing. I want to keep going and take others with me.

I plan to take what I have learned and show others the way out.

B

Tools of a Freedom Fighter

Along the journey of healing with God by my side, He has placed tools in my hand — tools I didn’t possess but He did. Tools that helped me find my way out of a deceitful, treacherous land. He taught me freedom. He showed me the way out.

From Chapter 8 | Prophecy: