Pam Vredevelt's Blog, page 7
December 29, 2017
Coping With Grief During the Holidays – Tip #4
Brain science shows us that internalizing our grief leads to increased negative ruminations. Increased negative ruminations lead to increased depression and anxiety which prevent healing. If you want to move forward in your grief recovery, give grief a voice. Here are some simple tips on how. . .
How will you give yourself permission to give your grief a voice?
Post your ideas below so that everyone can benefit. You are not alone. We’re in this together.
Subscribe to Pam’s YouTube channel to get notifications when new video tips are available!
Leave a comment below and let me know what you struggle with and which tip makes a difference for you.
Share this post with others to raise awareness and increase sensitivity to those who are grieving. Simply click the social media sharing buttons below to impact some lives now!
Have a topic you’d like me to share tips about? Click here and let me know! I’d love to hear from you!
December 23, 2017
Coping With Grief During the Holidays – Tip #3 of 7
The story of Christmas reminds us of what was, what is, and what is still to come.
On this Christmas Eve, we light a candle – the candle that represents Jesus, the light of the world. Candles shine brightly in the dark, symbolizing the power of God’s love drawing us along.
Offering hope when we are doubting and fearful.
Offering comfort and peace in our suffering.
Offering grace when we least expect it but need it most.
If you’re grieving a significant loss during the holidays, do as God does. Give yourself grace.
I’ve been where you are and know how tough it can be. It’s hard to show compassion to ourselves. I hope these simple thoughts, shared with love, help you more easily enter into the unforced rhythms of God’s grace.
How will you give yourself permission to give yourself grace today?
Post your ideas below so that everyone can benefit. You are not alone. We’re in this together.
Subscribe to Pam’s YouTube channel to get notifications when new video tips are available!
Leave a comment below and let me know what you struggle with and which tip makes a difference for you.
Share this post with others to raise awareness and increase sensitivity to those who are grieving. Simply click the social media sharing buttons below to impact some lives now!
Have a topic you’d like me to share tips about? Click here and let me know! I’d love to hear from you!
December 20, 2017
Coping with Grief During the Holidays – Tip 2 of 7
If you’re grieving a significant loss during the holidays and need comfort, tune in to this 7 part video series for quick 2 minute tips. I’ve been where you are and know how tough it can be. It’s hard to think straight much less come up with creative ideas. I hope these simple thoughts, shared with love, bring you tidings of comfort and joy.
How will you give yourself permission to change up your routine or start a new tradition during the holidays?
Post your ideas below so that everyone can benefit. You are not alone. We’re in this together.
Subscribe to Pam’s YouTube channel to get notifications when new video tips are available!
Leave a comment below and let me know what you struggle with and which tip makes a difference for you.
Share this post with others to raise awareness and increase sensitivity to those who are grieving. Simply click the social media sharing buttons below to impact some lives now!
Have a topic you’d like me to share tips about? Click here and let me know! I’d love to hear from you!
December 14, 2017
Coping with Grief During the Holidays – Tip 1 of 7
2 Minute Tip #1 – Find Comfort by Honoring Your Loss
If you’re grieving a significant loss during the holidays and need comfort, tune in to this 7 part video series for quick 2 minute tips. I’ve been where you are and know how tough it can be. It’s hard to think straight much less come up with creative ideas. I hope these simple thoughts, shared with love, bring you tidings of comfort and joy.
How will you honor your loss during the holidays?
Post your ideas below so that everyone can benefit. You are not alone. We’re in this together.
Subscribe to Pam’s YouTube channel to get notifications when new video tips are available!
Leave a comment below and let me know what you struggle with and which tip makes a difference for you.
Share this post with others to raise awareness and increase sensitivity to those who are grieving. Simply click the social media sharing buttons below to impact some lives now!
Have a topic you’d like me to share tips about? Click here and let me know! I’d love to hear from you!
June 27, 2017
You Can Make a Difference
Anyone who has suffered loss can tell you, you just never know when life is going to blindside you. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things a couple can go through.
You’re both hit at the same time by something that shatters you. You’re the same person you were the day before… but actually you’re not. Suddenly you are both drowning in a sea of grief, not knowing how to keep yourself, much less, your spouse afloat.
Your emotions are fragile, your nerves are raw, and how you grieve loss is night and day different from the person you married. Shut down and avoidance become the go-to defense strategies for most. The divorce rate for couples after a miscarriage is significantly higher than for those who have successful pregnancies.
Grief Science research shows that 59% of those who have lost a baby are struggling with prolonged unresolved grief two years following a miscarriage. That’s a majority of the 1 million women in America who suffer a pregnancy loss each year.
But there is hope…
Grief is a very, very powerful force that must be reckoned with. Grieving parents can learn how to identify it, and how to use practical skills that promote healing. There are ways to understand and work through the grief both separately and together. That was the inspiration behind the creation of my new live online course EMPTY ARMS: 7 Keys to Hope and Healing After a Miscarriage or the Loss of a Baby.
Do you know someone who has lost a baby? They are likely suffering in silence and feeling the strain on their marriage.
Today, I invite you to get the essential and practical tools a woman needs to heal after a loss…
For the next three days, this powerful interactive mom experience comes with a $100 Friends and Family Discount.
I’m a firm believer that any mom who has suffered the loss of a baby can be transformed, discover meaning, and rise up strong with the skills in this training that promote healing and prevent unresolved grief.
THE EMPTY ARMS ONLINE COURSE is the very first training of its kind that:
Assumes nothing. Quickly takes you from knowing little about grief to learning a set of 7 strategic ‘Good Grief’ skills that promote healing and prevent you from getting stuck in unnecessary prolonged pain.
Holds your hand through facing your pain, and all the other things we ‘strong’ determined women like to ignore and hope will simply go away.
Sees healing, renewal, and discovering meaning as a natural, supernatural by-product of being in a vital, life-giving relationship with God, as we deal with whatever harsh realities come our way.
Empowers moms to take the high road less traveled and rise-up strong, rather than to forfeit their dreams on the altar of fear.
Allows you to experience the truth that you, your baby, and your story matters. (you will LOVE this part)
Leads you step-by-step into experiencing the power of letting go. (which, in fact, increases your capacity to more freely give and receive love)
Helps you find the healthy balance between grief relief and grief release.
Closes the gap between faith and reality by providing a safe place to talk about the tough questions and “God issues” related to your loss. (very powerful stuff here)
Views transformation as a cooperative partnership between you, God, and safe friends.
For 3 days only, you can take $100 off the regular price of the live online course EMPTY ARMS: 7 Keys to Hope and Healing After a Miscarriage or the Loss of a Baby. This is the lowest price offered for this training and it comes with a no questions asked money back guarantee, if you’re not completely satisfied.
You won’t find another online course that weaves together the timeless wisdom of the Bible with cutting edge brain science, and shows moms how to use the 7 essential skills needed to embrace their loss and heal their heart.
What you’ll discover is not only eye-opening, it’s easy to incorporate into daily life, and will accelerate the healing process.
The friends and family discount is only good for 3 days, 6/28 – 6/30/2017. Act now and purchase the course for someone you care about today.
I look forward to sharing my best tools, time, and insights with a new group of moms starting July 11th. Thank you for wanting to make a positive difference in the life of someone you love.
Blessings!
Pam Vredevelt
P.S. Would you like to cover the training for ten women who do not have the funds to participate?
*I am looking for sponsors to assist me in reaching more women in need. If you’d like to help, please contact me personally at pamv1155.onlinecourse@gmail.com.
*Learn more about the course curriculum here: pamvredevelt.com/EmptyArmsOnlineCourse
June 9, 2017
3 Easy Ways to Celebrate a New Dad On Father’s Day
Know any moms who gave birth in the last year that may want to deliver something meaningful and super simple on Father’s Day? Here are three easy ways to share a heart-warming gift from baby to Dad on his big day.
Are you ready? The big day is just around the corner. That’s right. Father’s Day is June 18th, 2017. Your husband’s first Father’s Day is special because he is now officially a dad! If your baby is coming soon, or your newborn recently arrived, it’s time to celebrate your hubby’s milestone. You may be wondering, “What do I do for a new dad?”
I don’t know about you, but I was absolutely exhausted the last month of pregnancy and for several months after giving birth. It took everything in me to adjust to (read more) . .
May 11, 2017
Through the Looking Glass of Loss and Miscarriage
Did you know that one million expectant moms suffer a miscarriage every year in America? And one of four pregnancies end prematurely?
Brain science research shows us that 59% of those who suffer a miscarriage get stuck in prolonged unresolved grief. Most moms are completely caught off-guard by their pregnancy loss, feel unprepared, and lack tools for doing the healing work of Good Grief. I know I did.
So many suffer in silence, help your friends in this time of loss.
I’ll never forget the day my doctor said, “I’m not picking up a heartbeat, Pam. There doesn’t appear to be any fetal movement. I think the baby is dead.”
In disbelief, my emotions began to run wild and unchecked. Engulfed in a jumble of scrambled thoughts I wanted desperately to hear the doctor say, “Wait a minute – I’m wrong. I’ve made a mistake. Now I see the heartbeat.”
Those words never came.
During the next half hour in that little examining room, my life was a blur.
Everything was out of focus.
I hated my powerlessness.
Why can’t I change this and make things different?
Nothing made sense. Angry questions darted back and forth in my mind.
Why is this happening to me? To us? It’s not fair! Why are we getting ripped off? I hate this!
The tears poured out. I sobbed long and hard, trying my best to listen to the doctor. He painted a picture of what might have happened: “Based on the measurements on the ultrasound screen, I can see that the baby is fully formed according to schedule, and most likely just died recently. More information will be gleaned from pathology tests.”
His words overshadowed my own thoughts, “I can’t believe this is happening!”
The day had started out so normal. I bounced into the doctor’s office wearing a colorful new maternity dress, excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat again. It was my routine five-month appointment, filled with the typical measurements and weight check.
The nurse began to probe with the sound device to secure a clear picture. For what seemed to be hours it was unbearably quiet in the little dark room.
I painstakingly blurted out, “Do you see a heartbeat? What are you finding? Can I see the screen?” only to be quieted with, “I don’t have a clear picture yet, Pam.”
More long drawn out minutes passed. Once again I bombarded the silence with, “Can’t you tell my anything? Are you seeing a heartbeat?”
And then the ripping truth came. There was no heartbeat. Our baby was dead. More information would be gleaned from pathology tests after delivery.
After delivery.
Those words jolted me into reality. It would be necessary to go through the normal labor and delivery process – but I would deliver a dead baby and go home with empty arms.
It was all too incredible to grasp.
I had entered the doctor’s office cheerful, bright, and excited about hearing the sound of life within me. I was leaving as full-figured as before, shattered, broken, and fearful of tomorrow. What would I have to walk through in the days ahead?
Don’t keep your emotions buried and avoid your grief – it could have long-term difficulties. Pam offers great alternatives instead.
He that lacks time to mourn, lacks time to mend.
~ Maya Angelou
When your dreams crash into reality, a season of mourning begins. Losing a baby touches every part of your life:
Your view of yourself
Your hopes and fears about the future
Your beliefs about life and death and God.
Questions and emotions run wild. We wonder where God is, and why He didn’t show up to write a different ending to our story. In what feels like a God-forsaken place, we are faced with critical choices of the will.
Will we pretend everything is fine, or be emotionally honest with ourselves and others about our heart-shredding loss?
Will we sidestep and gloss over our sorrow, or take the time we need to face and embrace our pain, and let it go?
Will we trust that God is a good, redeeming genius who is planting seeds of new life in the cracks of our broken heart?
Brain science research says that 59% of those who suffer a miscarriage get stuck in prolonged unresolved grief.
That’s more than half of us.
What blocks us from healing and moving forward? There are a number of things, but two stand high above the rest: keeping our feelings buried inside and avoiding our grief.
I’ve seen the sticking power of unresolved grief.
While meeting with a depressed woman who had been referred to me by her physician, I learned that she had given birth to a stillborn baby years ago. After leaving the hospital, she never spoke of it again.
“It doesn’t do any good to dredge up the past, or talk about things you can’t change. It makes things worse, not better,” she said, almost robotically.
When I asked her to tell me the story of her stillbirth, it was like the event had happened just yesterday. The dam broke and years of bottled-up grief poured out. She had carried that heavy weight all by herself for many years. Following the path of Good Grief is necessary to heal.
We aren’t wired to carry things alone.
“We aren’t wired to carry things alone.” – Pam Vredevelt
So, how do we face and embrace pregnancy loss so that our hearts will heal? Step-by-step guidance can be found in my Live Online Course, EMBRACE YOUR LOSS – HEAL YOUR HEART: 7 Essential Skills that Promote Healing After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or the Loss of a Baby http://pamvredevelt.com/onlinecourse
For now, please grab this important take-away: Healing comes in the context of emotional honesty with ourselves, God, and safe friends.
Have you experienced similar grief, either personally or vicariously through a friend or loved one? For quick tips on how to help a friend who has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a baby go to http://pamvredevelt.com/media-2/
What has helped you release the pain of your losses and move forward in the healing process? We’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments below.
March 25, 2017
Moms With Newborns: 2 Shaming Secrets Debunked
New moms have to make huge adjustments during the first six months of their newborn’s life – some are a bit scary.
Everything changes.
One minute all the attention is on you: Your husband makes midnight runs for food you crave. Strangers affectionately pat your belly. Friends and family ask how they can help and regularly check-in to see how you feel.
You labor long and hard to deliver your precious bundle, and suddenly the attention shifts. Everyone wants to know how the baby is doing.
The months after birth are physically and emotionally stressful. You experience an infinite series of changes during the first year, and some of them are a bit scary.
Feeling alone and overwhelmed is typical, but misery multiplies when we think we’re the only ones who feel this way.
Trust me.
After talking with moms in the counseling office for the last twenty-five years, I guarantee, your secret feelings are more common than you think. So, let’s bring them into the light and diffuse their power.
Secret # 1 – I feel guilty that I’m not more madly in love with my baby.
Click here to continue reading . . .
January 30, 2017
2 Secrets Happy Parents Know and Practice
After our first baby was born, I longed to be a good mom. I wanted to raise a happy well-adjusted daughter, to apply what the experts taught to the best of my ability.
In all honesty, I was secretly afraid of making mistakes that might affect her in some awful way for life.
Sometime during . . .
Finish reading on Babywise.life
January 20, 2017
Celebrating You & Hitting #1!
This is way too fun!
I honestly had no illusion that Hello Happy! 5 Minute Inspiring Stories of Fun, Love, and Laughs would skyrocket to the top of the Amazon charts.
A successful book launch does not happen without the huge support and encouragement of loyal friends like you. Thank you from way down deep.
Now put on your imagination cap and feel my virtual huge hug!
Here’s more happy news. I’ve made arrangements for the FREE promo on Amazon to continue through tomorrow. FREE is GOOD!
Share the fun news with your friends and family while this time limited offer lasts. Simply click the share link (looks like a sideways ‘V’ ) in the upper right hand corner above or any of the share buttons below this post to pass on the good news.
Want to email it to a friend? Click the grey envelope icon below.
I’ll leave you with this final thought…
True happy comes from actually being who you are (the person God created you to be) rather than who you think you’re supposed to be. 
