Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 62

Meet the Pearl Girls: Carey Bailey

Say hello to Pearl Girl, Carey Bailey! Carey Bailey is a woman who loves to dance around the living room in her pj’s, loves Blue Bell Pralines and Cream ice cream, loves her kids, and loves Jesus! This fun-loving mother of two also has a passion for helping fellow women discover ways to create a powerful relationship with Christ. She is the author of Cravings, an innovative 40 day devotional for moms that allows them to draw closer to the Lord in the midst of busyness. To connect with Carey visit http://www.careybaileyonline.com/

[image error]Share a little bit about how you became a writer.

I have been making up stories since I was little with a longing to write children’s book. That dream took a detour and I have found myself writing children church curriculum for the last 10 years. I managed to wiggle my way through every English teacher that told me I wasn’t a good writer.

Favorite scripture or life verse?

If I had to pick one verse for life right now it would be Phillipians 4:6. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition give your requests to God.”

Favorite food?

With Fall approaching my favorite food of the moment is Candy Corn. You have to eat as much as possible while you can!

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what are 5 things that you’d have to have with you?

If I got stuck on a desert island, that I am going to assume has no access to Wi-Fi, I would need my Bible, journal, a pen, photo of my family,and my pillow. Part of me wants to say toothbrush but I figure I will just craft one up out there.

How A Perfectionist Learned to Bare Her Warts | Jody Hedlund

I was born a perfectionist.

But strangely my perfectionism doesn’t carry over into every area of my life. If you checked the floor of my van you could probably have a feast if you collected all the spilled food and crumbs. I don’t get bothered too easily by weeds in the mulch, or dust on the blinds, or cats eating on my counters.

However, I am a perfectionist in many other ways—especially relationally, spiritually, and within my work. I expect a lot of myself in those areas.

In some ways those expectations are good. The perfectionism pushes me to strive harder and reach higher. Without sufficient standards, we often sink to the lowest common denominator. I’ve come to accept that perfectionism isn’t a dirty word. It’s the way I’m wired, and I wouldn’t change that trait even if I could.

At the same time, however, perfectionism can become a ball and chain around our legs that drags us down, until we can hardly move forward. We can let the pressures, the fear of failure, or even falling short of goals paralyze us. Or we can let the striving after perfection zap us of our joy and distract us from the things in life that are most important.

How do we strive to do our best, but at the same time keep perfectionism from taking over? Here are several lessons I’ve learned over the years while wrangling with my own perfectionism—trying to keep it alive and healthy, but not out-of-control.

1. Relationally: My family doesn’t expect a perfect wife or mom.

Early in my marriage and in my parenting, I put high expectations on myself for being the perfect wife and mother. I devoured all of the latest how-to books and strove to implement everything I was learning. While there’s nothing wrong with reading parenting or marriage books (they can actually be quite helpful), I had set the bar too high. When problems occurred (and they inevitably do!), I became frustrated with myself and those around me.

Over time, I’ve learned that it’s okay if my kids misbehave in public or if my husband and I don’t agree on everything. When I expect too much of them, I set them up for failure and frustration. Yes, I can challenge my family to grow and to do great things, but I can take the pressure off all of us of having to live up to unrealistic ideals.

2. Spiritually: God doesn’t demand perfection, but rather commands affection.

I grew up a PK (Pastor’s Kid). For a long time I struggled with the need to be a perfect PK’s daughter. I wanted to do everything right. But the problem was, I couldn’t. I fell short, just like we all do. But because I’d set such high standards for myself, I felt like a failure, and for a time gave up trying altogether.

Eventually I came to the realization that God doesn’t expect us to be perfect. In fact, he doesn’t look at our outward qualifications as much as he looks at our hearts. Ultimately he’d much rather have our love than our striving.

3. In Work: Do the best I can but then let it go.

In my housework, home-teaching, and in my writing, there are times when I have the tendency to put too much pressure on myself or try to do too much. While I can occasionally multi-task (i.e. fold laundry, give a spelling list, and answer emails—all at the same time), I’ve found that maintaining that momentum is very difficult and it only leads to exhaustion, irritability, and defeat.

I’ve learned (and am still learning!) that I can’t labor over any one thing too long. For example, if I write a blog post, I can’t spend hours over it. I need to write it up, edit it, and then let it go without analyzing every sentence. When I respond to an email or write an interview, it’s okay if I have a spelling mistake or a missed word.

My Summary: Nobody else is perfect—they make spelling mistakes and their kids have meltdowns at the grocery store too. So why do I expect perfection of myself?

For me, it has a lot to do with PRIDE. I want to be successful. I want others to admire and respect me. I want to look good.

My solution is to cultivate HUMILITY. While, perfectionism isn’t a dirty word, I also need to be able to bare my warts. People want to see the real me. They want to know that they’re not the only ones who struggle, that others experience the same frustrations they do.

How about you? In what areas do you struggle with perfectionism? Is it hard for you to bare your warts?

***

Jody Hedlund is an award-winning historical romance novelist and author of the best-selling book, The Preacher’s Bride. She received a bachelor’s degree from Taylor University and a master’s from the University of Wisconsin, both in Social Work. Currently she makes her home in Michigan with her husband and five busy children. Publishers Weekly called her newest book Unending Devotion, “a meaty tale of life amid the debauchery of the lumber camps of 1880s Michigan . . . exciting and unpredictable to the very end.”

Where can readers find you?

I hang out on Facebook here: Author Jody Hedlund

I also love to chat on Twitter: @JodyHedlund

My home base is at my website: jodyhedlund.com

True Worship

The phone calls started coming at 7:15 am. Then another at 8 am. Another at 8:15. The caller was my dad, wondering when we were picking him up for church? How about…now?

We reassured him that we would pick him up in plenty of time and we would not be late.

I wanted to give my mom a morning off, so I had volunteered to take Dad to church. My husband, son and I arrived–on time–to Dad’s Board and Care…there he was, standing out front, looking worried. He didn’t recognize our car, but when he finally saw who was driving it, his face crumpled into a big grin.

Dad marched into church, heading toward a front row. I cringed. I like to sit in a back pew. Anonymous territory.

Plus, I worried what he might say or do. He can be inappropriate and impulsive, saying whatever comes to mind. Not long ago, my sister took him into Long’s Drugstore and Dad asked a very, very elderly woman if she was pregnant because she had a…considerable girth.

However, Dad sat quietly through the entire service. Remarkably calm. Even in his better days, Dad would not have been described as a calm person. Alzheimers’ disease has made him extremely anxious. All of the time! Except during church.

I’m not sure how much of the church service Dad understood, but I felt humbled as I observed his delight…just to be there.

How many times (most times!) do I rush off to church on a Sunday morning, late, squeezing it into an already over-scheduled weekend? Instead of really “being there,” I glance at my watch during the service or jot down a grocery list on the bulletin.

Even in Dad’s compromised state, he “gets” it. His weekend is arranged around Sunday morning. He starts anticipating church on Saturday, asks about getting there, prepares early (too early!) on Sunday morning. And while in church, he is wholly there.

Is that not true worship?

I think the Lord would agree.

Ready For a Fresh-Brewed Life?

Ready For a Fresh-Brewed Life?

This morning has been one of those times I want to savor. Bright morning sunshine emerging across a cloudless blue sky, gentle breezes dancing with the trees, and a temperature dipping down into the 70’s. After a hot Texas summer, I’m looking forward to Fall’s arrival as I enjoy a little taste of what’s to come.

So, I took time to sit outside with a cup of coffee and greet the birds that came to serenade. You see, I like to ease into my schedule and I can’t think of any better way than with beautiful weather, nature’s delights, and a fresh cup of coffee.

Have you enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee lately? Not one from a pot that was left sitting on the burner too long. Not one you set aside and let get cold. Not a stale cup from yesterday you’ve tried to re-warm. I’m talking about savoring a fresh brewed cup of coffee.

Devoted coffee drinkers know that making a tasteful cup of coffee begins with a coffee maker that connects to a strong power source. We need a clean pot that’s free of residue and without cracks that might lead to leaks. We also need a filter to separate the grinds from the final brew. Then there are the ingredients—clean water and fresh ground coffee beans. We might have the same type of coffee brewing system; however, each of us can choose the blend of coffee that reflects our personal taste. Flavored? Decaf? Chicory? Mild?

Coffeemaker plugged in.

Filter and ingredients in place.

The “on” button pressed.

Now it’s time to do what doesn’t come easily to many of us: wait. Certainly, not my preference. After all, when I want a cup of coffee, I’m typically ready for it right then. I don’t want to stand by and wait. But, perhaps it’s true that some things are, indeed, worth waiting for. So, I wait.

In due time, cold water and ground beans brew into a sweet aroma and full flavored beverage. Enjoying my coffee is more than simply drinking a hot liquid. It’s the experience of letting the cup’s warmth permeate my hands as I gently savor each sip. In the morning, that first cup is a gentle nudge to greet a new day and prepare to experience what’s in store. Mid afternoon sometimes calls for a “pick-me-up.” Coffee after a meal invites companions to linger awhile and share a slice of life.

While enjoying a fresh brewed cup this morning, I began looking beyond my mug to the process of living life itself and thinking: I want to move beyond the past and experience a “fresh brewed” life. Yesterday’s cup was good for that place and that time. However, today’s a new day and opportunity for fresh experiences—in my coffee cup and in my life.

Are you ready for a taste of freshness in your life as I am?

• The first step is to be sure we’re connected to a strong power source. How thankful I am that God’s love and mercy fuels the energy we need to make life work each day, as we stay connected to Him.

• Then we need to make sure our “containers”—our minds and hearts through which the essence of our lives flow—are clean and free of past residue that might alter the flow or affect the taste.

• We also need a good filter to sift out harmful impurities.

• Ingredients are the next consideration. How will we blend talents, beliefs, opportunities, and relationships to create the freshness of life we want to experience? And what about choices? Do we merely settle for what others are having? Or, are we willing to explore possibilities and make choices that fit the unique blend of life we desire?

• Then, there’s the waiting. Whether we’re brewing coffee or allowing time for things to come together in our lives, often times we must patiently wait. And, I’ll admit, that’s not always an easy task for me. I struggle at times as I wait on God to answer prayers, open doors, change circumstances, heal wounds, meet needs. Yet, I know that while I’m waiting, God is at work preparing—brewing—just what I need to quench my thirst and satisfy my soul. And in His time, He fills my cup to overflowing with His grace.

Today’s a perfect day for us to pause from the busyness of our schedules so we can savor some fresh coffee and savor the blessings God has poured into our lives. Each day He provides a fresh opportunity to experience life to the fullest. Now it’s up to us to savor the richness of this day and do all we can to make it “good to the last drop.”

Enjoy!

Live Webcast Event: Women Redeemed

Live Webcast Event: Women Redeemed

September 20th, 2012

5 PM PDT / 8 PM EDT

RSVP HERE 

In coordination with the launch of their fall releases, Kregel will be hosting a live webcast event on September 20 at 8 PM EDT featuring authors Kim Ketola (Cradle My Heart), Teske Drake (Hope for Today, Promises for Tomorrow), and Dawn Scott Jones (When a Woman You Love Was Abused). The webcast will allow women to come together to share their struggles and fears in order to move toward healing and hope. Women will able to support one another and discuss shared experiences in a non-threatening, open and loving environment.

Cat Hoort of Kregel says, “We are seeking to provide safe means for Christian women to be vulnerable with each other, to seek help and guidance from authors and counselors, and to find encouragement from those who have shared similar experiences. Our hope is that the Women Redeemed webcast will become a forum for hurting women as well as for those who can help. Kim, Teske, and Dawn are all survivors and their stories will surely inspire and equip other women to move toward healing and hope.”

Make Your List

The Lord placed in my heart at a young age the importance of saving myself for my husband. Part of saving myself meant I didn’t want the temptation of giving pieces of my heart away in high-school flings when marriage wasn’t even an option. I made the commitment not to let myself get into a relationship with a guy before I was 18 years old (my dad knew about this commitment, and he held me to it).

Many of us are encouraged to make a “list” while we are single of all the attributes we want in a man – which I did, but I also decided to try something new during this time. I made a list for myself of the attributes I needed before I was married in order to be a genuine blessing to my husband. I have been married just over a year now, but I have to confess that I am still working on this list (most of it). Some of the things I wrote make me look back and laugh (I still couldn’t make a a steak if my life depended on it).

I encourage girls to make a list, and commit yourself to it! It won’t look exactly like mine, but pray and commit yourself to whatever the Lord lays on your heart!

1. I have to learn to respect the men most dear to me now: my dad and my brothers

2. I have to learn to constantly put others first in my life.

3. I have to learn to cook an amazing steak

4. I have to learn to be discipline in the small things in my life now (money, food, exercising, scheduling)

5. I have to learn how to carry on a good, solid conversation. Not just small talk —- *this was coming from a very shy girl*

6. I have to memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 and apply is to my heart – Remember it!

7. I have to learn to be kind and gentle in conduct and speech.

8. I have to learn to be a strong woman. One that does not rely on my own strength, but one that fully relies on the Lord for her strength.

9. I have to learn to keep my room clean.

10. I have to learn how to be as feminine as I can be. Not someone who plays down on the girl she is, but one who is proud to be a woman like God made her.

Patient Parent Recipe

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

“I am so tired of always being late because you are never, ever ready!” This is a statement you will hear often in my home. My youngest daughter, bless her heart, can really teach you how to be patient. I don’t care how early she gets up, she’s always the last one ready for school. If I give her 2 hours notice that she has to get ready because we’re leaving “in a few minutes”, we will still have to wait for her. I’m generally at the door with my keys, checking the time on my cell phone. And I’m usually exasperated.

My oldest will clean her room, eventually. It just might take several days. Every time I walk past her room and grimace, she points out some progress she’s made. It’s usually nowhere near what I’m expecting, so again, I become exasperated waiting for her to complete the task.

I’ve prayed often, asking God to help me figure out why they both seem to be oblivious to the wants and needs of others. He recently reminded me of Romans 12:12. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” My first thought was, “What does that have to do with anything?” But then I began to consider that maybe it has everything to do with how God wanted me to handle my daughters. That’s when Romans 12:12 became my patient parent recipe.

Patient Parent Recipe

• Joyful in Hope – One day my youngest will master time management and will be ready on time. My oldest will clean her room and it won’t take four days. Either of these outcomes is going to bring joy, no? So I can be joyful, knowing that there’s hope in this and other trying situations after all. And perhaps, just hoping for something better will help me stop focusing so intensely on the small stuff and just be thankful they bother to try.

• Patient in Affliction – Affliction is pain and suffering. I’m not really “suffering” in the truest sense of the word when I have to wait for them. There are worse things. And I’ve endured much worse with my girls. Patience comes in knowing God is working it out. He’s been faithful to see me through every situation, big or small. It brings peace. For instance, now I try to engage in another task when I’m waiting for my youngest. Or I just ignore that pile of clothes while I wait for my oldest to transfer them to hangers and drawers. When I do this I really feel the peace of not being frustrated. Patience is kind of cool!

• Faithful in Prayer – Where would we be without prayer? Praying for patience and a good attitude (see above) are what allow me to not get down every time I have to practice patience or endure a hardship. It also helps me to extend grace, which we all need. In my opinion, teenagers need it abundance. They’re in an awkward time of their life. They’re no longer really a kid but they’re not quite an adult. They’re trying to figure things out and really don’t know how. They need a lot of grace. I don’t think to consistently extend it on my own, but through faithful and consistent prayer, God gives me that little nudge when I need to offer it.

I’m always trying to find ways to be a better mom. I can read a million books and ask a million moms how I can be patient with my kids. Asking the advice of others is great and I believe, necessary. But God is the perfect parent. We can learn so much from how He parents us. And when we partner with the Lord, the job of parenting doesn’t feel as hard. He’s patient as He tries to teach us through His example and the Bible. We can use the recipes God has left for us and cook up some wonderful mommy moments.

Balancing Life with Kids

Recently I received an email from a young mom. She has two young children (4 and 2) and is trying to balance that with 4 days a week as an attorney. In her email, she asked for advice on how to manage her life without getting lost in the middle.

I read her email. I prayed. I read it again. I set it to pop up on my to-do list. Then I prayed some more.

What a real struggle she conveyed. I could feel her pain – I’ve been there. I was about the same age (34) when I backed away from working 4 days a week in a law firm. I’d just lost a baby through miscarriage and knew that I couldn’t homeschool my seven year old and mommy my four year old while showing up for court hearings that just didn’t stick to my careful schedule. Since then we’ve had two more children and another miscarriage.

My life looks very different than it did when I was 34 and wondering where I fit.

Today, I teach law classes to MBAs and undergrads at a Big Ten university and community college. Sometimes I have to say no, but I get to teach a subject I love to MBA students and paralegals. And I love teaching!

I write. Since I received my first contract in 2007, I’ve had 14 novels and one nonfiction title release. More are on the way, and this is something I do primarily after the kids are in bed. Did I mention it’s been a lifelong dream of mind to write?

I still lawyer – but I’ve been blessed to do it on my terms. The local firm I work through is wonderful and gets that I’m a mom first for a season.

Still there are days I feel overwhelmed, undervalued and stressed.

It helps to know God is in control and to look at the many doors He has opened so that I can Mommy first and yet still use the skills and talents He planted in me. How has He done that in your life? What advice do you have for moms struggling to find balance?

Be Still

Reeeeelaxxxxxxxx. Reeeelaxxxxxxx. My mom would repeat over and over to me when I was young. It was so hard to sit still, so hard to release my tense muscles. I was always ready for action and had a bit of an anxious personality. I was a prime candidate for God to teach,

“Be still.”

I’ve had a number of those Be Still moments. Waiting for a job, waiting to get married, waiting to get pregnant, waiting to adopt, waiting in the hospital, and waiting for the end of unemployment. In the waiting, time ticks slowly. The pain of waiting is visceral.

Life is full of waiting. Waiting is unbearable if it isn’t accompanied by trust.

Looking back and seeing God’s hand helps me remember His way isn’t mine. God gave me my dream job, Tom and I have been married thirty years, my family has been formed by adoption and birth, my daughter was healed (she had a near fatal snowboard accident), and my husband got the perfect job after being laid off. The final result of the waiting was good.

God is good and great.

When I can match up my waiting with trusting in God’s plan, I find the strength to persevere with hope. It doesn’t make the time pass more quickly but my attitude is different. I’m able to get out of bed with the expectation that God knows what He’s doing.

My son is in a season of waiting. I’ve shared with him some of the things I’ve learned. I start with who God is….He is good and He is great. Then I remind my son (and myself), His way isn’t our way but His way is always much better.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Meet the Pearl Girls: Lori Wildenberg

Say hello to Pearl Girl, Lori Wildenberg! Lori Wildenberg is the co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting and loves speaking and writing about raising kids. She’s a licensed parent-family educator and certified teacher, passionate about mentoring parents. Since Lori, her husband, and four kids are perfectly imperfect, her approach to family life is real, honest, and warm-hearted. This style makes her a favorite speaker at women’s and parent events. In her seminars, she offers practical and easily applicable techniques based on living out 1 Corinthians 13 love. Lori is co-author of EMPOWERED PARENTS: Putting Faith First, a contributor to many other Christian books, a radio station guest, a member of The M.O.M. Initiative team, a curriculum writer for teacher development at the Professional Learning Board, and is co-columnist of Parenting Prose seen in Marriage Magazine. And last but not least she is one of Margaret McSweeney’s Pearl Girls! For more information go to http://www.loriwildenberg.com .

Share a little about how you became a writer.

I’ve always loved writing but never pictured myself as an author. While I was teaching a parenting course, many of the parents wanted me to put the information into book form (I thought maybe they could take notes!) Anyway..that is exactly what happened. I used the curriculum I was teaching to co-author EMPOWERED PARENTS: Putting Faith First (Wildenberg & Danielson). I’ve been writing ever since!

Favorite Scripture or Life Verse?

My favorite piece of scripture is the well-known and well-loved 1 Corinthians 13.

What motivates you to write for charity?

Actually, writing for Margaret’s Mother of Pearl was my first experience writing for charity. I love the causes she has chosen for the Pearl Girls to support.

Favorite Food:

Tough question. I like a lot of foods but my favorite food is food someone else makes!

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what are 5 things that you’d have to have with you?

1. bible

2. a journal

3. pens

May I bring my husband and kids? My dog? Can I have my phone and computer? A generator?