Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 66

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We would love to add you to the Pearl Girls contributor family! We are currently looking for talented, passionate writers for the following categories:

Mother of Mother: motherhood, single moms, step moms

Pearl in the Making: young teens, single women, young married women

Iridescence Pearl: older women, retired women, grandmothers

Tahitian Pearl (a pearl of great rarity and importance): working moms/women, women in the ministry, mothers and caregivers of the disabled

In the Oyster Shell: faith based articles

As a contributor you would be responsible for writing 2-3 posts a month (with quality photos).

If you are interested in becoming a contributor in one or more of the topics above, please fill out this form by July 25th.

With over 100 subscribed readers and many more visitors, the Pearl Girl blog continues the mission to connect women from all over to each other and point them to the one who makes our lives into pearls.

Rules of Engagement for Moving Through the Losses of Life | Rita Schulte

Our world is in constant turmoil today. Everyone seems to be defending a cause or fighting a battle of some sort. Whether it’s the war on terrorism, defending the cause of morality, sexual equality, the right to life, or the right to choose, our fight is always indicative of our passion and tells the story of what we hold dear.

But somewhere wedged in between our causes and the wars we fight lays a different kind of battle. One we often miss because we don’t always pay close attention— it is perhaps the most important battle we will ever enter into—the battle for our hearts. Why is this battle so important? Because our hearts matter to God; and he calls us to guard them with all diligence.

I know—fighting a battle for our hearts seems more like something out of a romance novel than an article on rules of engagement. But if you and I are going to move through the losses of life, we must devise and be intentional about executing a battle plan to care for our hearts after losses assault. In other words, we must learn the rules of engagement.

The first step in this process is to notice how the difficult places in our lives have affected us—at the heart level. Next, we need to identify each person, circumstance, or event that hurt us or broken our hearts. Then we need to put words to our pain.

Devising a Battle Plan

All of our losses are important, and each one has shaped our beliefs about self, God and the world around us, so it’s important we identify both the relational and abstract losses we have incurred in order to process our pain. Relational losses are pretty straightforward and would include loss due to death, divorce, or betrayal. Abstract losses are less recognizable. They could include:

• Shattered dreams or unmet expectations

• Loss of a possession

• Loss of trust, hope, or faith

• Loss of health or safety

• Role loss

• Loss of self-esteem, or identity

• Loss of childhood or innocence

You may begin this journey of self-discovery with an identifiable loss, or you may discover hidden losses that you have never stopped to consider.

To begin, pray. Ask God to help you identify the losses in your life, and record each one. Then put feeling words to your pain.

Next, list what you had hoped for, or expected from this person or situation. This will translate into your loss. Then write down what you will need to trust God for as a result of this unmet expectation. Your list should look something like this:

Offense/Loss     Relational Loss—Best friend

What Happened

Betrayed a confidence by…..

How I felt

Anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayed….

What I hoped for, or expected

Her loyalty to our friendship. Loss of trust, faith, role as her friend

What I will trust Christ for—-my security

Additional ideas for putting words to your pain could include: journaling, writing a letter, writing an autobiography to tell the story of your losses, or talking to a trusted friend. The key is to do what feels right for you.

All these exercises are designed to help you engage with your pain and keep a check on your emotional pulse. If any of your losses have left you with regret, unfinished business, bitterness, or an unforgiving spirit, take the time to learn about forgiveness. A great resource is Dr. Everette Worthington’s work on forgiveness and reconciling.

Putting it All Together

How you respond to hurt and pain will affect you for the rest of your life, because loss has a cumulative effect on your heart. If we don’t allow ourselves to touch or connect of the losses of our lives, if they are denied the expression of emotion, sooner or later we’ll find that our hearts will grow cold, frozen under layers of unrecognized hurt and pain.

Once you have completed your list, it’s time to put it all together by deciding. Here are some things you need to consider:

• How long will I need to grieve this loss? What will that look like?

• What beliefs have I formed about self, God and others from these losses?

• Do I need to forgive myself, God or another person to move forward?

• Is there any unfinished business attached to this loss that needs attention?

• Is there anything hindering me from moving on?

• What next steps do I need to take to move forward?

• Do I need professional help?

Taking care of our hearts can be messy business. Most of us would rather avoid the process altogether, fearing that if we connect with our pain, it will shatter us. The truth is, burying our heads in the sand will only prolong the process. We will continue to experience a low-grade pain or depression for years to come.

The Lord’s command “to guard our hearts with all diligence” begins with noticing what’s happening to them as the issues of life unfold. So begin today. Become a noticer, and follow the rules of engagement to fight the most important battle of your life. You won’t be sorry you took the risk.

***

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional Christian counselor in the northern Virginia area. She has written a book entitled Sifted As Wheat: finding hope and healing through the losses of life which is currently represented by Hartline Literary Agency. Rita also hosts a weekly podcast show called Heartline. You can find her at www.siftedaswheat.com. 

The Weekly Pearl

 

Hello, Pearl Girls!

I trust that you had a fabulous weekend and a great Monday. I’m getting so excited about the coming months for Pearl Girls! I can’t wait to share with you — soon very soon.

This week I would love to hear a verse or testimony of what God is doing in your life. Leave a comment below, or link to a blog post. I can’t wait to see how God is working in your lives!

Also, if you signed up to review Mother of Pearl, they will be mailed shortly so be watching your mail boxes!

A Letter from Neta Jackson

Dear Pearl Girls,

If you’ve read any of my novels, you know they all include a cast of characters from many different cultures, backgrounds, and faith experiences—all right here in Chicago, my hometown. Confession: writing novels has been my way of sharing some of the things God has been trying to (!) teach me on this journey we call the Christian life—and one of those things is . . . just what does it mean to be part of the church, which Scripture calls the Body of Christ???

It’s so natural to gravitate to people pretty much like ourselves. (Admittedly, there are plenty of differences among people “just like us,” so it’s comforting to have some basic cultural things in common.) But unfortunately, the church is still one of the most divided institutions in our society! Not just racially, but culturally, and economically, and denominationally, too. And yet, Jesus said God’s house was to be a “house of prayer for all nations.” I meditated on I Corinthians 12 for a long time—and realized that in describing the church as the “Body of Christ” with all its different parts making up one entity, the apostle Paul wasn’t just talking about “different gifts” (preaching, teaching, serving, etc.). But he also talked about differences in social/economic status (“slave and free”) and differences in culture (“Jews and Greeks/Gentiles”). But the thing that really spoke to me is when that chapter says that the different parts of “the Body” need each other. (Really? Huh. Then why are so many Christians so … so annoying.) Sure, sure, most of us today recognize that other denominations/cultures are part of the worldwide Church, but I don’t think many realize how much we need one another.

When I first began worshiping and studying the Bible with women from different racial groups, cultural backgrounds, and worship styles, I thought I was doing something I “ought” to do and patted myself on the back. But it wasn’t long until I began to realize how much I was learning from these sisters, how my own faith was both challenged and enriched, how much I had to look again at aspects of faith I’d simply taken for granted. I hadn’t realized how much I truly needed the other parts of the Body of Christ (sort of like the hand not realizing how much it needs the elbow and knee and foot to fully function in the way God created the human body). I am so grateful for what these sisters and brothers from other cultures and church experiences have contributed to my own faith walk, helping my faith in Jesus to come alive like never before.

And even though I grew up a “good Christian girl,” it was many years before I truly understood that I am “just a sinner, saved by grace”—just like people who’ve been saved from drug addiction or who’ve spent time in prison or just been all-around jerks. All of my “goodness” can’t even begin to bring me close to a holy God. Only God’s mercy and forgiveness bridge that gap—and as forgiven people, I need to be quick to forgive others who fail me, who let me down, who make mistakes, who sin against me. Because unforgiveness, resentment, and hurt feelings are some of Satan’s favorite tricks, making me think I have a “right” to be angry or upset, because after all, I’m not at fault here! But Satan knows that if I’m not willing to forgive others and extend some mercy and grace, my heart becomes locked from receiving God’s forgiveness.

When I’m writing, I try hard to not simplify my characters into “good guys” and “bad guys.” All my characters are flawed in some way because the truth is, we’re all sinners, even the “good people.” We all need God’s grace, and I want both my unbelieving readers and the been-a-Christian-all-my-life readers to truly know that as they walk through the story with my characters, because there is such freedom in admitting we need Jesus! I think that’s one reason the Yada Yada novels appeal to so many readers, because there’s hope for everyone—from the drug addict to the church addict! God wants to free us from our ugly sins and our self-righteousness, so that we can live in His forgiveness and share that forgiveness with others. “Freely we have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).

Well, as I said, living each day as a Christian is definitely a journey. (Aren’t we there yet?? Have I arrived yet, God?? What? There’s more you want to teach me? Sigh . . .) Thanks to all of you who have joined me on the journey—that means a lot!

Your sister in Christ,

Neta Jackson Author,

The Yada Yada Prayer Group series House of Hope series

SouledOut Sisters series

***

Neta Jackson is a award-winning author. As a husband/wife writing team, Dave and Neta Jackson are enthusiastic about books, kids, walking with God, gospel music and each other! Together they are the authors or coauthors of over 100 books. They reside in the Chicago area. Connect with Neta online – http://www.daveneta.com

New Book For Review: Mother of Pearl

Litfuse Publicity Group is offering Mother of Pearl: Luminous Lesson and Iridescent Faith for review and would love for the Pearl Girl readers to review it!

Mother of Pearl celebrates the collective iridescence of motherhood. McSweeney presents a collection of heartfelt vignettes from authors such as Tricia Goyer and Suzanne Woods Fisher who communicate the importance of the unique relationships between mothers and their children, between granddaughters and grandmothers and between children and the mother-figures in their lives.

Blog tour for Mother of Pearl is 8/15/12 – 9/02/12 and will feature a fun giveaway and a huge Facebook party with the contributors.

This book is available in paperback (40 copies) and e-version (100 copies), please specify on the form. Book available to international blogger via eBook only.

If you’d like to sign up for this tour, please use this FORM!

If the form is turned off that means the tour is full. (Sorry!) Signing up doesn’t guarantee you a spot on the tour. As usual, we cannot accommodate everyone who is interested in touring this book (we wish we could!).

You will be notified by July 15th about your participation in this tour. You’ll receive the book in July.

More about Mother of Pearl:  Like oysters, women often encounter unexpected grit during their everyday lives. In response, God’s love and grace covers this grit and transforms the pain into a precious pearl that leaves a layered, luminous lining within a shell: Mother of Pearl. This brilliant luster is strong, lasting, and purposeful-just like the love, lessons, and legacies left by the special women in our lives.

Mother of Pearl celebrates the collective iridescence of motherhood. Margaret McSweeney presents a collection of heartfelt vignettes from authors who communicate the importance of the unique relationships between mothers and their children, between granddaughters and grandmothers and between children and the mother-figures in their lives.

These stories tell of the power of faith, prayer, and values, exploring coming of age, the joy of becoming a mother, the importance of motherhood, the ways to heal from a bad relationship with a mother and weathering the death of a special loved one. Poignant and thought-provoking, the stories serve to inspire, encourage, instill hope, and strengthen faith.

The Weekly Pearl

Good Tuesday morning!!

I hope Monday treated you well! We’ve been getting rain, which in turn has been cooling off the 100+ weather that we have been getting. It has been so nice — Like a breath of fresh air!

It makes me think of this verse — springs in the wastelands…

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

I hope everyone has a fabulous week!! Coming up this week, we have a new guest post as well as the sign-ups for you to become a contributor on Pearl Girls!

Pleasing Posture | Carey Bailey

Have you ever had a friend for just a certain season of your life?

I have had a few of those. One such friend gave me the above quote framed and it has sat on my bathroom counter for years now. It always brings me perspective in the mornings when all I can see is

wrinkles,

gray hair,

and parts of me jiggle.

It reminds me that He is looking down and seeing restored, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed! Today let’s walk in a posture that is pleasing to our Creator.

What to do When You’re Being Sifted As Wheat | Rita Schulte

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Twelve years ago I had a breakdown. Shattered dreams, unmet expectations and loss made me question if God even cared about what was happening to my heart.

I felt panic, depression and confusion about the direction of my life.

If you’ve ever been there, if your heart has ever been shattered, and your recollection of the pain is still fresh, you know what I’m talking about.

Suffering can do one of two things in our lives: propel us toward hope, or lead us to despair. Thankfully, I chose the former, not because I’m such a great Christian, but because I wanted answers for the pain. So God gave. No secrets. No quick fix or speedy formula for recovery. The answer to suffering, or as I’ve come to call it, being “sifted as wheat” is found in Luke 22:31-32:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you Simon that your faith may not fail; and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

What does Jesus want us to know about suffering? Three things that will change our lives and our perspective on suffering. First:

Be on guard.

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.”

How is wheat sifted? In Biblical times, the first step was to beat it on a threshing floor to separate it from the chaff. Tossing and shaking the wheat in the air then blew the loosened chaff away. What remained was then placed in a sieve along with all its debris where it was ground up. The sifting was designed to cleanse and purify it so it would be suitable for grinding into flour.

Get the picture?

That means all the events of life that have beaten you down, rocked your world, and caused you pain, have waged an assault on your heart.

The warning Jesus gives here to Peter (and all of us) concerns the intentions of the enemy of our soul. He willed to have the disciples fall away. He desired to challenge them, to prove them hypocrites, expressing faith but walking in fear. He wanted to show them to be chaff, not wheat.

How does he accomplish his purpose? By relentless assault. Making us hard-pressed on every side. Beaten down. Broken by the vicissitudes of life. Ready to give up, embrace despair, and reject the goodness of Almighty God.

How do we proceed? With the encouragement Jesus gave to Simon Peter:

“I have prayed for you Simon, that your faith may not fail.”

The assault on our hearts will be as brutal as the sifting process. But we cannot give up. We must fight the battle for our hearts because they matter to God. He, Jesus, is interceding on our behalf so that the utter most fabric of our faith will survive in tact. Jesus has considered our plight and cares so deeply for our hearts that he has given himself unto the task of intercession so that you and I will not grow weary and lose heart.

The third life changing truth in Luke is found in the final segment of the verse:

“….And (Simon), when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

How do we heal after being sifted?

By investing ourselves in the lives of others, and using what we’ve learned from our trials to spur them on.

When our faith has been tried and confirmed, and God himself has comforted us through our affliction, we can reach back and comfort others with the mercy and grace granted to us.

Consider this:

“Blessed be the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The sifting process is difficult; those that make it through go on to spiritual maturity, those who don’t forfeit their souls for a cheap substitute. If your being sifted, don’t think it’s strange, remember Jesus’s words to Simon Peter and decide today to join him in battle for your heart.

Adding Pearls | Shellie Rushing Tomlinson

Enjoy this excerpt from the new book Mother of Pearls.

When I was a teenager, add-­‐a-­‐pearl necklaces were all the rage. They were a classic concept: a gift of a single pearl on a dainty chain given with the intention of adding other pearls on important holidays and special occasions.

Today, I think of add-­‐a-­‐pearls as a beautiful analogy of the accumulated wisdom we learn from our mothers. Oh, sure, we snicker as young girls. Not all of their advice strikes us as useful and some of it seems positively fossilized, but hopefully, over time and with the Father’s blessing, we gain enough perspective to see that these mama-­‐isms—the important values and the silly little lagniappe—are all unique treasures that only increase in value with the years in spite of any early resistance on our part.

My poor Mama exhausted herself trying to smooth the rough edges of her three little girls. Mama was a true “Southern lady,” a natural beauty born the second of five to a Baptist preacher in Natchez, Mississippi. Her innate grace helped make her a basketball star; her black hair and bright wide smile topped a tall slender frame and earned her the hometown title of “Miss Forestry Queen.”

Mama’s marriage to her high school sweetheart ended shortly after she brought me, her third daughter, home from the hospital. Biological Dad was more interested in cards and liquor than diapers and bottles. Mama was raising three little girls on a clerk’s salary when a childhood friend came to town and dropped by to pay her family a visit. It’d been years since that young man and Mama had seen one another. By this time he was fresh out of the service and farming a plot of land in Louisiana. For the next year or more he made the two-­‐ hour trip to court Mama. My sisters and I, ages two, three and five, were their ever-­‐present chaperones. We rode in the back seat of his car and sang along with Mama to Conway Twitty’s new hit song, Mississippi Woman, Louisiana Man.

It wasn’t long before Papa married us, taking his prize bride and her tiny wedding party to the Delta to live on Bull Run Road. He built her a little white brick home with 900 square feet. She kept his castle spotless and worked beside him in the fields. In years to come, he would build her a larger house and she would tend it, too, with the same love and care than she gave the small one.

Mama looked as much a lady driving Papa’s bean truck and grain cart during the day, as she did on the piano bench at Melbourne Baptist Church. Manners were important to Mama, a theme most of her lectures centered on, as she constantly schooled us in the things little ladies did and did not do. Unfortunately for Mama, my sisters and I had a hard time differentiating between the two. But, bless her heart, the woman persevered, leaving her precious pearls in every area of our lives. Today, my sisters and I recognize the great legacy that is ours in the time-­‐tested values our Southern Mama continues to pass on to her children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren.

I’d love to think that everyone reading my words had a mother like mine, a woman of faith who taught me from childhood of the Risen Savior who saves souls and anchors lives. But, dear reader, if that’s not your past, I hope you know it can be your future. I pray you’ll be the one that begins such a legacy, and that you’ll start building that heritage today. One pearl at a time.

***

SHELLIE RUSHING TOMLINSON and her husband Phil live and farm in the Louisiana Delta. Shellie is the bestselling author of Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On and Sue Ellen’s Girl Ain’t Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy. Tomlinson is owner and publisher of All Things Southern and the host of the weekly radio show All Things Southern heard across the South. When Shellie isn’t writing, speaking, taping her show, answering email or writing content for the next deadline, you can find her playing tennis with Dixie Belle, (the chocolate lab who thinks she is in charge of running Shellie’s life).

The Weekly Pearl

Hi, Pearl Girls!

I’m a little late this week with the Weekly Pearl, but that’s because I’m working on some great stuff for you coming up in the next few weeks (including a chance for YOU to become a contributor to Pearl Girls!)

This week, I saw this pin on Pinterest and I liked it ever so much:

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I just love that! Be blessed this week, Friends!