Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 63

Driftwood

It is a humbling thing to be in the middle of a cross-cultural training session as one who has “been there.” In many ways, I feel very ill-equipped to be an advisor here. But I must trust that what experience I have will be helpful for someone, somehow. And granted, I have been wrestling with issues that make my insecurities more prominent in my mind right now, due to this time of the year, and of my life.

Recently, as I spoke of some dreams I had for the next stage in my life, someone in my life who has been “settled” for quite some time voiced a concern. I have not lived near this person for a long time but have stayed in touch and visited periodically. They told me that they wondered why I would be considering moving to a new place after moving so much in the past. They wondered if I would wake up one day and realize that I had many friends acquaintances but no one consistently close to me.

Oh, how this hurt! I keep mulling over the words and feeling a wounding in my spirit. I am asking myself if this is true. When my heart aches for someone in my life, is it a shallow ache? Is my heart not really connected on a deep level? Are the relationships I develop with current housemates pointless, because they will end?

I think of all the people I said goodbye to at the end of this school year, and of the time invested into those relationships while I was with them . . . was that time wasted?

Oh Lord, may it not be so! My prayer now is that there might be hope for us wandering souls after all . . . Maybe?

Maybe, just maybe, God has a plan for those of us who have grown up so unsettled that we do not know how to sit tight and be still in one place.

Maybe, just maybe, I can have an eternal impact in others’ lives even if I do not spend the rest of my life with them: I know, for a fact, that people who have meant much to me remain influential in my daily life even once we are no longer in daily contact.

Maybe, just maybe, there is hope for one such as me . . .

Maybe some day I will settle down, in spite of how difficult that has been for me thus far.

Maybe it will be something not to fear, but will rather be a beautiful and seamless transition into a fulfilled life.

*This is a photo from my recent flight to visit my brother. As we flew, the pilot gave me interesting tidbits about the areas we passed. One of them was this bay that is completely filled with driftwood. I was struck by the sheer quantity of it at the time, and by how different it looked from an aerial perspective. Posting this writing today, I thought back to that driftwood and felt it somehow

complemented my thoughts. In hopes that a driftwood life may turn into a different sort of tapestry when the pieces make a whole . . .

Hardship is Good?

Friends of ours in an Asian land shared this thought:

People here love rice, but because of the shortage of land, someone developed a way to grow rice underground. Somewhere under the world’s largest city, they grow rice. Initially, the rice did not have much flavor. The reason, they discovered, was because the rice was not exposed to the elements outside – the scorching heat, the strong winds, and the summer downpours. So they began to simulate the weather outside. No matter what we might be going through right now, the heat and wind have a purpose – to make us ‘tastier!’

In making a correlation to my own life, I can say that most of us want life to be easy, comfortable, happy and without a lot of effort! Yet, what makes us more useful and “tastier” if you will, is when the “elements” of life have their way with us.

We’ll all be “called” to overcome, endure, or work through some very challenging situation(s) at some time in our life. For some, the duration from start to finish will vary. We’d all love for our challenge to be short-lived; but in our challenge, although equally our joy, is now over 31 years old!

Raising a child with special needs (mental retardation – some prefer the term mentally disabled, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and some severe/fatal allergies) demands of us 24/7 attention and focus. It has required of me to make it a full time job without financial reward: finding services, jobs, doctors, specialists, etc. It often brings us to our limit of patience. It tends to be one reason for a divorce rate of greater than 85% in this group labeled “special needs families”. It has made me mad, strong, sad, happy, frustrated, joyous, and in the end, always thankful. But, many days are hard.

Nights on end when a typical child is ill are draining, but when special needs are added to the mix, it can be a different type of challenge. Children who can’t talk can’t share their pain or needs. Maybe they need a diaper changed and they’re a teen. This is just one avenue of hardship – others include:

· family members who don’t understand and don’t that the time to understand

· dealing with agencies, the law, schools, workshops, etc.

· hours of study to find places our child will thrive

· hours of phone calling and travel to get what we know they need

· …and knowing they will never be able to do any of this on their own.

The scorching heat of hardship allows us to learn lessons we wouldn’t otherwise learn, and if we weather those hardships, we can become an example to others. I’ve sensed God working in my life through the challenges. When sadness and disappointment come like a strong wind, we recognize God’s purpose for all the things He brings into our lives – just what we need to grow and well, become “tastier”.

He has comforted me and in turn, I comfort and mentor younger moms challenged as I have been – helping them see the broader scope – the bigger picture: maybe this is about what we will learn, how we will grow, how we will love. If God stood before me and offered to heal my son, I’d probably say no. WHY? Because I’ve learned that from the hardships have come much good:

· I know God better

· I was blessed to be able to help my child on a full time basis: able to be at home full time, healthy to do what was needed

· I have a strong marriage

· We’ve met many wonderful people traveling the same road as us – giving, loving, kind and generous people who sacrifice their lives to make another life better

· That others (and the Lord) have comforted me, I’ve been able to comfort others in return

Hardships are good, and I’ll be satisfied to stick with the ones I have.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to our very own Charissa Ann Steyn!!

David Josiah was born on Sunday, September 9th at 7 PM

Be sure to head over to her blog and shower her with love (and note how fabulous she looks after giving birth! Gorgeous!)

Keep Calm and Carry On

Not long ago, I was browsing through a department store and I noticed a T-shirt with this saying: Keep Calm and Carry On. Since then I’ve seen this logo on journals, mugs, and all kinds of other memorabilia. I did some research and found out the slogan was first used in Britain during World War II. Keep Calm and Carry On was the third in a series of posters designed by the British government to encourage their people. It was to be issued only if Germany invaded England. Fortunately, this poster was never distributed. More than 60 years later, its message is now a household phrase.

Keep Calm

It’s good advice—especially in times of hardship and uncertainty. Do you sometimes feel like life is spiraling out of control? The cost of living continues climbing, but incomes stay the same. Jobs have disappeared leaving thousands of people unemployed. Shootings happen in movie theaters. Random acts of nature—tornadoes, floods, drought have brought unprecedented destruction on communities and countries. It’s unsettling.

As a new grandparent, I’m already concerned about what our sweet granddaughter, only three months old, will face as she grows up. What dangers will lurk with social media? Will she be persecuted for her faith? Will there be a job for her when she’s ready to launch out on her own? Keep calm…

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

I breathe in this promise of peace and remember not to be afraid.

Carry On

To carry on is the courageous keeping on with whatever is at hand, whatever is next in importance to do. When London was bombed by the Luftwaffe for 59 straight nights, the city never shut down. The people of London went to work and kept their daily routines. That’s remarkable.

I would have been tempted to stay in bed with the covers pulled up around my head. But the Lord tells us to keep going, don’t quit—no matter what the circumstances. No matter how long we’ve been waiting for something to happen, for a change to come, for an answer to our prayers.

Carry on is an effective solution when you feel like you’re spinning your wheels trying to find answers or feeling paralyzed, unable to take action. Carry on means asking, “What’s the most important thing I need to do at this moment? What’s next? Then do it. Maybe it’s pulling yourself out of bed, getting dressed, and making breakfast for your children. One-step-at-a-time. One-day-at-a-time. Carry on!

I’ve experienced many times in my life when Keep Calm and Carry could have been my mantra. For me, it’s much more than a stoic determination to do something courageous in my own strength. I realize the One who keeps me calm and gives me strength to carry on is Jesus. Though I appreciate this succinct British slogan now making a comeback, I’m thankful we don’t have to do life on our own.

What about you? How do you keep on keeping on?

Pearl in the Making

I am a pearl in the making and I am certain I always will be. God is never done working in us and through us. I have gone from single to married to widow to engaged and I am only in my early thirties. Life is often never what we thought it would be. It can be so much more difficult than ever dreamed, and also so much more beautiful than ever imagined.

Nahum 1:7 is the only verse that was underlined in my late husband’s travel Bible. I had never read this particular Bible of his. However, after his unexpected death in a plane crash, I couldn’t get enough of anything that had belonged to him. And so, one day in the midst of my grief, I picked up this Bible and flipped through it’s worn out pages. My heart skipped a beat when I landed upon the pages of Nahum and noticed the underlined verse:

“The Lord is good, a strength and stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge and trust in Him.” – Nahum 1:7

Tears fell from my eyes as I read the verse over and over again. I cried out to God and begged Him for relief from the grief that seemed so unbearable. My patience was worn out and I felt no ease from it all. I didn’t seem as thought He was truly with me, but it often doesn’t in the midst of the pain. It can seem so lonely in the darkness of grief.

It has been about 5 years since that day and I can now look back and clearly see how God’s promise was in fact true. He was my stronghold and strength in the midst of my pain. He has carried me from the depth of my despair and He has given me new purpose. It took time and it took patience. God used the grit of grief to make me a more valuable pearl. He can use it all, but He doesn’t promise it will be easy or quick.

I am not the same idealistic girl that I once was. However, I like the woman I am today. I have learned the patience of trusting God and knowing that there will be many trials in life. This life is to be lived, and we are required to do it as gracefully and as purposefully as we can. God will provide us the strength to do so, if we choose to lean on Him.

I remember listening to one of my favorite teachers from college speak about embracing pain. He said that none of us like pain. In fact, much in our world today helps us to avoid it. Scripture promises that as we follow Christ we will suffer and endure pain but that it is not without a purpose. As we persevere, we experience growth and joy and become more like Christ. We will be become beautiful pearls along the way.

The Only Thing I Can Give My Son

My dream of having a beautiful nursery for my baby boy is coming true. But not in the way I expected.

I have spent the last couple of months wishing I could have a fun ocean-themed nursery for my baby when he arrives this month. When I see all the cute decoration possibilities on the internet and know so many new mommies preparing for their little ones, I can’t help but want that too!

Little fishies swimming on the walls.

Colorful sea creatures adorning every corner.

And of course lots of pictures of boats and waves to make the nursery complete.

It’s true I am officially in nesting mode, and mommy urges are taking over. I want to give my handsome boy the best and that definitely includes a creatively decorated nursery just for him!

But I’ve stopped sulking because my dream is becoming a reality through a simple revelation.

My handsome little man will get the best nest on the block because I am spoiling him rotten… with love.

Yup, that’s it. Love.

As I near the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I can’t help but hear God comfort me with the truth that love is all I need as a mother. He reminds me…

-Love is going to infuse those white walls with life and warmth.

-Love is able to take what little we have and make him feel like the richest boy in the world.

-Love converts the baby’s tiny room in our apartment into a huge and infused ocean of acceptance.

Really, we could be anywhere. Whether we are in a house, apartment, or a shack, I know that a soil of love will always be the best foundation and the most beautiful decoration.

So although he won’t be welcomed home to a paradise at sea, he will be held securely in the overwhelming waves of love. The love of his parents, relatives, friends, and Heavenly Father.

It’s actually a luxury-being able to welcome our baby boy into the world with more than new nursery set-up, but into a family overflowing with love. From day one, we want to plant our boy firmly in the soil of God’s marvelous love, so he always understands that love is enough! Wealth, possessions, and status will never make his life beautiful, rich, and attractive, but love always will!

May love make your dreams come into reality today!

“May your roots grow down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is…Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:19

How can you decorate your life with more love?

How can you spoil those around you with love?

The Empty Nest Society

A while back, I popped into the grocery store to get a few things and absently reached for a bag of chocolate chips in the baking aisle, knowing my then 18-year-old daughter loved to bake chocolate chip cookies. Suddenly, I remembered that she wasn’t home anymore. Just a few days before, we had helped her unpack her belongings in a dorm room in college to start her freshman year. In another state. Hot tears stung my eyes as I fought back a wave of grief and tried to hurry out of the store, avoiding the odd look from the check-out clerk.

But it is grief. When a child leaves home, it is an ending. The official end of childhood for my daughter and, for me, the end of day-to-day involvement in a life in which I had been the steady caretaker for 18 years.

Less than a week after moving my daughter to her dorm, it felt like more loss than gain. Soon, I knew I’d adjust and I won’t have to keep the door closed to her room to avoid the heart-pangs that come when I see how empty it looks. I knew that it will be thrilling to see my daughter mature into young adulthood. I’ve observed the process with my older two children. Before long, the transition will be more gain than loss, for all of us. But, for now, I’m still at that “loss” point. Mostly, I miss having my kids at home! And I can’t deny that part of this adjustment is an uncomfortable awareness that my husband and I are growing older. Family dynamics shift around as my fourth-and-last-child-at-home expands into the empty spaces. I know that his high school years will fly by; he’s already taller than I am. Too soon, we will be unpacking his college dorm room. I will become an official member of The Empty Nest Society.

Andy Rooney says that life is like a roll of toilet paper, it goes faster and faster and faster. True, but not reassuring. When my first child was born, I felt as though I was directed onto a sidewalk escalator, one of those moving types like the ones at the airport. I haven’t been able to get off of it. Time keeps skimming forward, like it or not.

And right now, I really don’t like this system. I want a breather. I want to freeze-frame things for a little while. To stop and savor these days.

When I get to Heaven, I hope to have a little time alone with God to give Him a few suggestions, such as what on earth was He thinking when He established Time as a moving sidewalk escalator? I’m going to recommend that He makes Time a little more elastic: stretch-able during wonderfully happy moments, like Christmas morning or when a baby takes his first steps. Contract-able during less-than-wonderful moments, like having a root canal. Think He’ll buy it?

Yea, I sorta doubt it, too.

The Weekly Pearl

Patience — Noun. As the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

Patience is a noun. As in action. As in something done — doing. I’ve never really thought of the definition of patience before, and what I found made my eyebrows raise and sat like lead in my thoughts. It wasn’t what I expected.

I expected something harsher, harder, more… demanding. Instead I found something so simple. Why is sometimes the most simple, the most difficult?

In 1 Timothy 6:11 we are commanded to pursue patience; in Luke 8:15 the “good seed” bore fruit with patience; and in James 1:3, we are to count trials as joy because they bring patience.

So much counting on this one word. This one noun. This one action.

How are you doing patience today?

Have a blessed week, Friends.

 

A Legacy of Kindness and Compassion

The call came four months after my dad passed away. He had fought long and hard, battling the multiple myeloma that slowly compromised his bones. Cancer was the enemy.

“The doctor would like you to come back. An abnormality was detected on your mammogram.”

“Lovely,” I thought. “Here we go again.” I sighed and asked the receptionist to check on the availability of an appointment. Much to my dismay, the next opening was two weeks down the road. I requested to be placed on the cancellation list, explaining my reason for wanting to get in as soon as possible.

The receptionist‘s response was sympathetic and kind. She asked me a few questions about my dad. I gave her the brief version, including how blessed we were as a family to have him around for six years as oppose to the eighteen months was originally given. I told her how God had been so faithful in providing extra time for my boys to really get to know their grandpa before he was called home. The conversation continued.

“What kind of cancer?” she inquired.

“Multiple myeloma.”

“Oh, my dentist recently died of the same disease. My whole family misses him. He was a wonderful man. ”

“Who was your dentist?” I quietly asked her, somehow knowing what her response would be. Her dentist had been my dad.

“Just a moment,” she said as she put me on hold. When she came back to the phone, she informed me that was able to squeeze me in the following afternoon for an appointment.

I was not looking for special treatment. When I hung up the phone that day, I realized my dad’s legacy of compassion, kindness, and concern for his patients was perhaps one of the reasons this woman reached out to me with the same degree of caring. She gave to me just as my dad had given to her and her family.

Shortly after, the tissue in question was removed. Calcium deposits, just calcium. My heart was flooded with relief and gratefulness for a heavenly Father who never leaves me and an earthly father that left his mark on many.

“I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love.” Hosea 11:4a

NOTE: Attached photos belong to or are taken by the author.

Facing the Dragon | Colleen Coble

I want to tell you about my friend Diann Hunt. Two years ago she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was there with her when she had the hysterectomy and the debulking surgery. I watched in admiration when she took charge and had her hair cut off before it could fall out from chemo. When I approached her room every day, I heard the nurses laughing from something she said. I suspect she was the favorite patient on the floor.

Through that first chemo Diann laughed and prayed as she showed us what facing cancer with courage meant. I know God has smiled as He’s watched her faith and the joy in the little things. She went into remission, and we thought the battle was over. We were wrong. She faced it a 2nd time last year. In spite of being horribly sick and unable to keep down food for months, there was more laughter than tears. More courage than fear. More hope than despair. And she had a blessed time of remission.

But she faces the dragon yet again. A routine test revealed there were tiny spots growing. Even as those of us who love her have railed and questioned God, her faith has remained steadfast. I don’t understand why God is letting this happen, but Diann has been such a beacon of hope and courage through it all. I know that He is going to use her faith in ways we can’t comprehend yet. I know she encourages me every single day. Her laughter lifts my spirits, and her faith strengthens mine. People everywhere have seen her strong stance for God and her bowing to His will in spite of the pain she’s going through. What an honor to witness this!

And her story shows God’s people at their finest. I have to mention that Pearl Girl Margaret McSweeney heard about Di’s cancer and came to the treatment center with a gift. She was truly reflecting Jesus with skin on! Long time friends have reconnected with her. People who don’t know her well are praying for her all across the globe. The day before she was to go to the treatment center again, friends gathered around her house with candles to sing and pray. The list goes on and on.

Often in times of illness, we can hesitate and draw back for fear we are imposing. Or maybe it’s because we are afraid we might say the wrong thing or not be able to cope with it. Don’t do that! The Bible says there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Be that friend. Don’t be so caught up in your own problems that you don’t reach out to others. It’s a beautiful thing to see friends come alongside another person. It will bless you in so many ways.

Best-selling author Colleen Coble’s novels have won or finaled in awards ranging from the Best Books of Indiana, the ACFW Carol Award, the Romance Writers of America RITA, the Holt Medallion, the Daphne du Maurier, National Readers’ Choice, and the Booksellers Best. She has nearly 2 million books in print and writes romantic mysteries because she loves to see justice prevail. Colleen is CEO of American Christian Fiction Writers and loves to encourage beginning writers. She lives with her husband Dave in Indiana. Visit her website at www.colleencoble.com and connect with her on Facebook.