Fern Schumer Chapman's Blog, page 7

New study finds half of LGBTQ are estranged from family

“When I came out to my parents, the rejection hit me so badly I could barely get out of bed most mornings in college…”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202310/new-study-finds-half-of-lgbtq-are-estranged-from-family?fbclid=IwAR1W05DregLpFHJrd9eZKVMUQHRCs4TjXJuP72ZnQmoZQ4QD6Y_gg8xY27A

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Can narcissism be identified in children?

 

“Once you see it,” one woman says, “you can’t unsee it.”

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202309/can-narcissism-be-identified-in-children

 

 

photo credit: Ibrahem Bana

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My mother’s German synagogues today…

 

In my mother’s town, Stockstadt am Rhein, two Jewish families had lived among 2,000 people for centuries. On the Sabbath, my 98-year-old mother remembers that her family walked to synagogues in Biebesheim or Erfelden to worship with other Jews who lived in towns along the Rhein River. Decades after the Holocaust, all that remains of Jewish life in these two towns are the synagogue buildings.

In 1988, fifty years after Kristallnacht, “Night of Broken Glass,” German churches marked the mournful anniversary by creating a “Night of Remembrance.” Services were held, candles lit, names of survivors and escapees read at memorials and churches. During those ceremonies, church leaders asked elder members if they remembered the Jews who once lived in their towns.

A grass-roots movement emerged. Germans researched the Jewish families who once lived in the area, restored local synagogues, and created organizations with surprising names like “The German Society to Preserve Jewish Culture.” These organizations remembered the Jews and celebrated their contributions to Germany.

In Erfelden, when the Jews fled in the 1930s, the synagogue was abandoned. As years passed, the building fell into disrepair. In the 1990s, residents renovated the building with $500,000 of public and private money.

“We use it as a cultural center to bring back some of what the Jews once contributed to the town,” said Erfelden resident Ulf Kluck, who organized the renovation. “Otherwise, there would be no use for it since there aren’t any Jews living here.”

In Biebesheim, the German Society to Preserve Jewish Culture couldn’t locate the former synagogue. Eventually, members discovered that a local man looking for a home in the 1960s moved into the building. Embarrassed by the architecture that marked his new home as a synagogue, the new occupant covered the circular side window and squared off the Moorish front windows so that the building looked more residential. In time, the townspeople forgot that the building once was a house of worship for Jews.

When members of Biebesheim’s German Society to Preserve Jewish Culture finally determined the location of the synagogue, they became curious about those who once worshipped there. They researched and discovered that one member, Mrs. Wachenheim, fled during the 1930s with the Torah curtain and one of the synagogue’s wall candelabras from the 1700s.

Members of the German Society visited Mrs. Wachenheim, who was in her late 70s and living in London. The Germans asked if she would return the items so the Torah curtain could be displayed at its original site once again. At first, Mrs. Wachenheim refused, but eventually agreed.

Now, half of the original Torah curtain hangs in the Erfelden synagogue/cultural center (see photo) and the other half one day will one day hang in the Biebesheim synagogue, which the organization hopes to restore.

But first, the man living in the synagogue must move out.

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Five Ways the Sibling Dynamic Reappears in Adult Relationships

Sibling therapist Karen Gail Lewis, Ph.D. explains how the sibling dynamic can appear in partner relationships, friendships, even co-worker interactions.

https: //www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202309/5-ways-the-sibling-dynamic-reappears-in-adult-relationships

 

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Can family members reconcile without discussing their issues?

There are no hard and fast rules on how to reconcile after estrangement.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202308/can-family-members-reconcile-without-discussing-their-issues

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How to reconcile with an estranged family member

Last month, I examined the idea of going no contact. This month’s post explores what it takes to reconcile with a family member:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/...

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New psychologytoday.com post: How to reconcile with an estranged family member

Last month, I examined the idea of going no contact. This month’s post explores what it takes to reconcile with a family member:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/...

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How to Explain Family Estrangement to Your Children

New psychologytoday.com blog post:When relatives cut ties, children suffer. Here’s how to help them understand.KEY POINTSOne in four Americans are estranged from a close family member, according to a national survey.Children, who have no control over family relations, can be devastated by family losses due to estrangements.When children witness a cutoff, they often fear their parents might abandon them; they may need reassurance.

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A bribe and a card game save a life!

Last month, I went to my cousin’s house to celebrate our nation’s birthday. Our mothers are sisters who came to the United States from Nazi Germany as unaccompanied minors, a year apart, via a little-known American program, The One Thousand Children. Aunt Betty married another Holocaust refugee, Uncle Walter, who brought us his own amazing family story.

When I entered my cousin’s living room, he pointed out an eye-popping painting that hangs behind his couch. The large, gaudy canvas features three cigar-chomping men who might have been playing cards at a party.I looked at my cousin and grinned. I knew immediately why this garish painting held a place of prominence and honor in his home. It pays homage to a family legend: the night of incredible luckthat saved Walter’s father’s life – my cousin’s grandfather.In 1938, 17-year-old Walter managed to escape Germany with a family heirloom – a precious pocket watch – tucked away in his vest. Walter rode a motorcycle from his small town in southern Germany – then known as Stein am Kocher, now called Neunstadt — to the Rhein River, which formed the border between France and Germany. When he arrived, he dumped the motorcycle in the river. Nazi machine-gun bullets buzzed him and two other men as they dove into the water and tried to swim the quarter mile to the French border. Only two swimmers made it to the other side. It was the first step of many in Walter’s successful effort to reach America.Meanwhile, Walter’s father, Abraham, had been taken to a few concentration camps. Months passed, and by 1940, Germany needed American dollars to continue funding its war effort. Uncle Walter, now settled in America, approached the German Consulate in Chicago. He offered cash for his father’s release – money he had raised by hocking the valuable pocket watch at a local pawnshop.When Abraham was released from Dachau, he had a number tattooed on his arm from Auschwitz, and beatings had cost him some of his hearing. Still, the first thing he did when he got out was find a card game in Luxembourg. A successful cattle dealer, Abraham always became so absorbed at the card table that he couldn’t think about anything else – not even a compelling business deal.A game called Skat, a cross between Pinochle and Gin, was Abraham’s pleasure that night. Deeply engrossed, he lost track of time, never even thinking to look at his pocket watch. In fact, he played so long into the night that he missed the train from Luxembourg to a faraway dock where he was supposed to board a ship to America.The ship sailed without Abraham. Nazis torpedoed the ship. No one survived.When Walter learned of the ship’s disaster, he said kaddish, the Jewish prayer for the dead, for his father. Weeks later, Abraham traveled safely to America on another ship, and shocked Walter by coming back from the dead. Walter, for his part, had managed to retrieve the family heirloom from the pawnshop. After father and son were reunited, they found lots of compatible card players and learned many new games.Aunt Betty often grew impatient with Walter’s endless poker nights. When she begged him to set down the cards and stop playing, Uncle Walter always justified his vice with the same words: “I’m not quitting now. Cards saved my father’s life, and — well, you just never know!”

 

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FSC featured on “They’re Driving Me Nuts” podcast

Dr. Linda Austin discusses sibling estrangement with FSC:

 

https://www.theyredrivingmenuts.com/sibling-estrangement/

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