Fern Schumer Chapman's Blog, page 5

How Religious Shunning Ruins Lives

Religious shunning is a form of institutionalized estrangement and emotional abuse.

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New series gently introduces young readers to Holocaust

A series that gently introduces young readers to the Holocaust!These remarkable personal stories inspire and inform as they introduce young readers to this important chapter in history and its long reach!Ideal for middle-school discussions on moral guidance, citizenship, and historical responsibility, the books in the Legacy of the Holocaust series use photographs, texts, and historical documents to cultivate empathy in readers.* Middle School Sleuths shows how an 8th-grade class reunited two Holocaust refugees 72 years after they had immigrated together (featured on Oprah).* In Facing the Past, readers will witness the 2014 installation of memorial stones for one family, as residents in their ancestral town face their Holocaust history.* Three Stars in the Night Sky captures how one Jewish family escaped Nazi Germany through a little-known program. This book reflects the dislocating trauma of the immigrant experience.

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A reader says “The ‘Why’ Haunts Me”

My sister, (11 months/2 weeks older than I at 70,) has not spoken to me in over 2 years. Growing up we were not particularly close as she was an overachiever and I grew up in her shadow; but we always communicated through the years and she was active in my life especially after I had my children. She had a good relationship with my daughter. However, when it became apparent that my sister was imposing her views, her ideals on my daughter, she broke ties with my sister. My daughter felt bullied and belittled by her aunt. She was widowed suddenly in 2011, and moved out of NYC to Philadelphia 2 years after Bill’s death. During the pandemic we regularly ZOOMED which, along with her dog, helped her stave off the loneliness. We differed on political issues but were respectful and tolerant of each other…I thought. She helped my son get out of debt, ($40,000 gift which she claimed she would also bestow on my daughter who has yet to see that gift,) and has never spoken to my son again although he was very grateful and attempted to maintain a relationship with his aunt…to no avail. About 2-3 months after a ZOOM call, I had not heard from her so I called. This is what she said to me, “I don’t want to have anything to do with you…your children…or our cousins.” When I asked, “Why?!” she responded, “You figure it out.” Since then, I have struggled to reconcile this situation, asking myself how she can travel the world and have relationships with others and not have an anchor in her own family, not have a connection, roots in the fabric of our family. The “why” absolutely devastated me for many, many months…I am still not reconciled to this rejection. I have tried, through prayer, meditation and my 12 step program to accept and move beyond this estrangement but I long to connect with someone who can also reminisce about our upbringing with our loving, progressive immigrant parents. How can I accept this and let go of the longing for answers…the “why?”

 

From Fern: I have attached a blog post about this topic.

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New covers, new titles, for The Legacy of the Holocaust series!

Here are the links on Amazon to these three books: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0CQTN6PSJ?ref_=dbs_p_pwh_rwt_anx_b_lnk&storeType=ebooks

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Is It Night or Day? is now available as an audiobook!

 

New cover, new Author’s Note, and now available as an audio book! The photo on the cover shows some of the One Thousand Children, who fled Nazi Germany for America, as they first lay eyes on the Statue of Liberty!

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Statistics That Tell the Story of Family Estrangement

Researchers have largely ignored estrangement; one study quantifies the problem. Why does estrangement occur, how long does it usually last, and what do people truly desire from their close relationships? Here’s what we know.

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Bored Panda features FSC

Here’s an article that describes why family relationships are important and how to reconcile after estrangement.

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German publisher of Motherland mourns my mother, Edith Westerfeld Schumer

· The German publisher of Mutterland (Motherland) has posted this message on the homepage of its website:“We mourn Edith Westerfeld – the protagonist of our book Motherland… Beyond the Holocaust. A Mother/Daughter Journey to Reclaim the Past by her daughter, Fern Schumer Chapman.”#HolocaustEducation #HolocaustRemembrance #memoir #bookclub

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40 Years of Estrangement – A reader confronts her toxic family’s abuse

A reader posted her story on my blog:

I confronted my mother with her immensely controlling abusive behavior and sexualized attachment to me in 1986. I had to get away so desperately to find myself that I cut off everyone in the family. Lucky for me, my father corroborated my experience but since he too was utterly dependent on her he could not continue to be in contact with me. When my brothers stated to my mother that they wanted to contact me she said “we don’t have a relationship with her anymore”.

I have had a successful life pursuing my life in the arts. I have had alot of psychotherapy. But something was unfinished.

After 40 years I looked at my presumption that my brothers were complicit and reached out to them. It was terrifying at first but there has been a payoff. My younger brother is a marvel. He has totally corroborated my view of our Mother. It was equally bad for him. At age 7 he was gang raped and felt he could not tell her. That says alot. He’s gotten help and is a wise and sensitive man.

My older brother does not have the same degree of awareness that my younger brother has. He has been trying to get me to forgive my mother as his pastor has recommended. I responded by pointing out that for there to be forgiveness there has to be a reckoning with the truth, as with Desmond Tutu’s Truth and Reconciliation initiative. Further, to insist on forgiveness without a deep and hard look at truths on the part of the abuser casts the adult child in the role of guilty party and the stigma one associates with that.

My mother denied everything that I brought to light and blamed me. I told my elder brother that I feel compassion for my mother’s very difficult childhood with a violent and aggressive german father. But I feel it is imperative on all humans to deal with their trauma so they do not repeat the pattern, as my mother did.

Talking to my younger brother has had me in tears at times and I am so grateful to my current therapist who encouraged me to reach out. It feels like a kind of counterweight to her abusiveness and is adding a puzzle piece to the very hard won sense of my own identity.

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New York Times article features FSC

 

 

Honored to be featured in this New York Times article!

 

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