Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 6

Good Enough Can Be Spectacular

Many of us get hung up on trying to do it “right.” I too occasionally suffer from perfectionism. I hesitate to put myself out there unless I think it’s perfect. I compare, judge, self-criticize. That gets me nowhere. The thing is, I know many of you hold yourself back because you think it’s not good enough.

Wrong.

Good enough is pretty remarkable.

My Prince Charming and I recently had a hot air balloon ride. It was originally set to be a surprise for my husband on his birthday, but due to weather, we had to reschedule twice. When the pilot called last Thursday stating Friday would be ideal, I agreed to go up. We had plans to attend a wine tasting and luminary walk at our local gorgeous Klehm Arboretum, but a hot air balloon ride trumped.

We took off from a park in Roscoe and floated across the land of our growing up. Loves Park and Rockford look lovely from above (and there are many more swimming pools in our Forest City than I knew!). Kids shouted and waved, dogs barked, and I felt like I should be tossing candy down, or at least clicking my heels and proclaiming “there’s no place like home.”

Over the treetops, over the river, over rooftops, it was magical. My in-laws had hoped prior to our ride that we would fly over their house, and I laughed and told them the pilot could not guarantee anything. You don’t steer a hot air balloon and the path of travel is at the mercy of the wind. As the winds would have it, we went right over the home where my prince grew up and where his parents live today.

The landing spot is also not known ahead of time. When it came time to find a landing place, the pilot started to get slightly concerned. Too many electrical wires in this area, fenced-in fields in that area, not enough clearance over there.

I told him we were fine with plunking down in a parking lot if that’s what he needed to do. We trusted him completely and knew he wanted a perfect landing. We were fine with good enough.

We let the winds of trust carry us, along with our faith that good enough is always wonderful. As fate would have it, we approached the Klehm gardens where we were on the guest list for the wine night, alit with luminaries, music wafting through the trees.

Much to my delight and the surprise of the party-goers at Klehm, we landed joyfully, giving them an added visual treat with the arrival of our hot air balloon onto the grounds. It was as if we had planned our grand entrance to the party and arrived right on cue at sunset.

The pilot’s “good enough” landing was utterly perfect. Sometimes perfect cannot be planned and you just have to go with good enough. And it turns out spectacularly.

The point of my story is to relax. Trust that your good enough will wow them. Let go of that word perfect and take action. You will be surprised at how magical it can be.

Candle Snuffers

I swiped J.M. Barrie’s phrase “candle snuffing words” a while back, and wrote a column on the nuances. It’s time to revisit the concept.

There are two types of candle snuffing folks. The first group is those that outright squash your hopes and desires with mocking tones or cut to the bone comments. Their candle snuffing words are hot puffs. These people, and words, are actually easier to ignore or dismiss.

Blatant candle snuffers have long given up on their own dreams so they are very harsh to anyone with a spark still in them. You can sense their bad energy and you can choose to stay away from them.

The other camp is more subtle, and more pervasive. We are often surrounded with well-meaning folks, who love us and want the best for us, yet they can also be candle snuffers.

They believe they are being supportive. They commiserate with you on how hard it is to find love, write that book, or whatever your dream is. They pat your hand and say, “I know, I know. It’s all so hard. So hard. So hard.”

They don’t intentionally blow out your candle, but with every “I know, it’s so hard,” the light flickers and the flame gets weaker.

Your hopes get a little dimmer, because they “know” -poof poof – that it’s “so hard” – poof poof. You start to think that maybe they are right.

Yet somewhere deep inside you, you know better. Your dream is still a’sputtering.

If you don’t have someone to fan your flames in an encouraging way, reach out for support. It’s there. When you decide to go for it, whatever your “it” is, there will be someone or something that comes along to help you out.

The world is full of folks who gave up on their dreams and they want you to stay in their camp. They circle the wagons and sing woesome songs about missed chances, lost loves, and “almosts.”

When you venture outside that circle, you will find there’s another camp who are living their dreams. They will use their breath to blow winds of positivity your way and with every “you can do this,” your candle glows brighter, stronger.

Will there be hard work involved? Maybe. Who defines “hard”? Your efforts will be rewarded. Momentum leads to accomplishment. My son, the aerospace engineering student, dreams of going to Mars. Will he have a boatload of work in his career to get there? Sure. Will it be worth it? Of course. I don’t tell him how hard it is; I ask if he will be able to Skype from Mars.

When you taught your kids to ride a bike, did you tell them “This is going to be so hard” or did you say, “You’ll get the hang of it”?

How often do you utter candle snuffing words without realizing? Encourage your loved ones that their efforts will pay off. Blow life-giving oxygen to the flames of their hopes and dreams. Find those who do that for you. Sometimes we need a life coach, a book coach, or a business coach to do that for us. Go for it.

Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. You’ve got this. Fan the flames, light another candle.

For support in writing your book, a new 6-week Birth That Book Live Teleclass starts Sept 26. All the information and inspiration you need to birth your book and fulfill your dream of becoming an author! Click here to sign up today and get early bird pricing!

For support in living YOUR joy, learning to listen and trust your own inner voice, a new Joy Jumpstart class starts Sept 24. Get the CONFIDENCE and THE TOOLS to start living the life of your dreams! Click here to sign up today and get early bird pricing!

Doubt Kills More Than Fear

“And so what do you do?” goes the typical question at American gatherings.

“I work at the IRS.” That answer left me either suddenly alone as the person quickly vacated the premises to get another drink or engulfed me in a tirade of the ineptitude of the IRS as the person bombarded me with a heated diatribe against government workers.

It’s no wonder I left the auditing job. Not my cup of tea and not much fun to talk about. Fast forward to now. I love talking about what I do and people are genuinely interested and intrigued to learn about how I write and how I help others to finish their books. The facial expressions of small talkers morphed from furrowed IRS-anger brows to smiles and eyes lit up with delight.

Mine was a journey of baby steps. Turtle steps and trust. In my Joy Programs (I teach happiness too), I talk about the turtle and how to learn to be comfortable in one’s own shell. We all are born comfortable in our skin, but somewhere along the way, we let comparison and self doubt creep in.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. We don’t fail because we don’t outright pursue. We let doubt rule.

Have you ever thought, “I want to write a book”? What stopped you? Some form of doubt.

Have you stopped yourself from taking a trip? Going on a date? Ending a relationship you know isn’t right? Taking a class? Hiring a coach? Getting a new hair cut? Going for it, whatever it is?

We let doubt kill our dreams. Not anymore.

Take a baby step. One small step toward your dream. Even if you mess up, you will see that “failure” doesn’t kill you and it propels you closer to your goals and dreams. Turtle steps and trust.

I deal a lot with doubt. My job title could be Ultimate Encourager & Uplifter. I teach the nuts and bolts strategies and I delve into the doubts. The result is accomplishment. Forward momentum. Excitement. Completion.

When you are at a party and someone asks what you do, won’t it be fun to say, “I am a X and I just got back from the trip of my dreams!” or “I work at X and I just married my soulmate!” or “I do X and I just wrote my first book!”

It’s your choice, doubt or joy. What do you want more of in your daily life?

Because of my journey of trust and love, and in honor of my Prince Charming’s birthday, and in celebration of 5 years of writing this joy letter, I want to give you encouragement and uplifting, and dispel your doubts.

If you want to brainstorm your project and cast away your doubts and pursue your dream, I am giving a Buy 1 – Get 1 POWER HOUR. Use the scheduler link to grab your first appointment. You can have a chat this month and then another a bit down the road when you are farther along and new questions come up. This offer is good for the first 5 people to book!

Grab your time slot here: http://kellyepperson.com/programs/powerhour

Imagine seeing your book cover, your name, your title.

Imagine someone reading your book and being affected by your words.

Imagine the opportunities that can come your way when you are an author.

Small group program launching Sept 26! For more info, write info@kellyepperson.com.

Three slots available for 1-to-1 private coaching as well.

Baby steps and trust will take you far.

Doubt kills more dreams than fear

“And so what do you do?” goes the typical question at American gatherings.

“I work at the IRS.” That answer left me either suddenly alone as the person quickly vacated the premises to get another drink or engulfed me in a tirade of the ineptitude of the IRS as the person bombarded me with a heated diatribe against government workers.

It’s no wonder I left the auditing job. Not my cup of tea and not much fun to talk about. Fast forward to now. I love talking about what I do and people are genuinely interested and intrigued to learn about how I write and how I help others to finish their books. The facial expressions of small talkers morphed from furrowed IRS-anger brows to smiles and eyes lit up with delight.

Mine was a journey of baby steps. Turtle steps and trust. In my Joy Programs (I teach happiness too), I talk about the turtle and how to learn to be comfortable in one’s own shell. We all are born comfortable in our skin, but somewhere along the way, we let comparison and self doubt creep in.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. We don’t fail because we don’t outright pursue. We let doubt rule.

Have you ever thought, “I want to write a book”? What stopped you? Some form of doubt.

Have you stopped yourself from taking a trip? Going on a date? Ending a relationship you know isn’t right? Taking a class? Hiring a coach? Getting a new hair cut? Going for it, whatever it is?

We let doubt kill our dreams. Not anymore.

Take a baby step. One small step toward your dream. Even if you mess up, you will see that “failure” doesn’t kill you and it propels you closer to your goals and dreams. Turtle steps and trust.

I deal a lot with doubt. My job title could be Ultimate Encourager & Uplifter. I teach the nuts and bolts strategies and I delve into the doubts. The result is accomplishment. Forward momentum. Excitement. Completion.

When you are at a party and someone asks what you do, won’t it be fun to say, “I am a X and I just got back from the trip of my dreams!” or “I work at X and I just married my soulmate!” or “I do X and I just wrote my first book!”

It’s your choice, doubt or joy. What do you want more of in your daily life?

Because of my journey of trust and love, and in honor of my Prince Charming’s birthday, and in celebration of 5 years of writing this joy letter, I want to give you encouragement and uplifting, and dispel your doubts.

If you want to brainstorm your project and cast away your doubts and pursue your dream, I am giving a Buy 1 – Get 1 POWER HOUR. Use the scheduler link to grab your first appointment. You can have a chat this month and then another a bit down the road when you are farther along and new questions come up. This offer is good for the first 5 people to book!

Grab your time slot here: http://kellyepperson.com/programs/powerhour

Imagine seeing your book cover, your name, your title.

Imagine someone reading your book and being affected by your words.

Imagine the opportunities that can come your way when you are an author.

Small group program launching Sept 26! For more info, write info@kellyepperson.com.

Three slots available for 1-to-1 private coaching as well.

Baby steps and trust will take you far.

How Karoake Makes You A Better Writer

Do you sing in the shower? in your car? in your kitchen?

I am not a good singer and have stayed mute for years. The first time I did karoake (just two years ago) was a Big Deal. To get up in front of people, and sing into a real microphone (not my hairbrush) was a leap in confidence.

I will never be paid to sing (or even asked to sing for free), but singing out loud did not kill me, nor anyone within earshot. It did give me a huge benefit. Freedom.

Freedom of expression is a right we tout in America, yet we are pretty good at squashing what we really want to say or do. We hold back. We get along. We follow status quo.

Getting up on stage was a risk for me. Yet no one was armed with tomatoes, no one was standing off stage with a Gong Show hook, and there was no trap door or eject button. The only thing at risk was my pride.

Not only did my pride survive intact, I realized that stepping out of my comfort zone and expressing in a new way was fun and empowering. It led to increased confidence in all areas of my life.

After my duet with my husband, my daughter-in-law got the courage to get up and sing with me as her backup. Karaoke is about expressing and having fun. Shouldn’t that also be said of life?

In what ways are you not expressing yourself? Have you been messing around with writing a book, but not really making progress? What is really holding you back?

Your assignment this weekend has nothing to do with writing. You are going to sing. Out loud. Whether you care for your own singing voice or not does not matter. You are going to self express.

In your car, sing along with the radio, even if you have a passenger. Pushing your cart down the grocery store aisle, hum your favorite song and let a line or two escape from your lips. When you are chopping up veggies on your kitchen counter, sing a little ditty. In the shower, really belt it out.

This small exercise will increase your confidence to express in other ways. You will realize that the earth does not open up and swallow you when you sing, or when you say what you want to say. Singing can actually lead to book writing. I kid you not. One small step of power leads to the next. You will be amazed at what may come.

The first person who reports back to me on this experiment gets a FREE Power Hour strategy session. Now isn’t that rewarding? It’s like getting paid to sing.

Just Do It

Why was the Nike slogan of JUST DO IT so effective?

It was clear. Succinct. To the point.

They didn’t rationalize, convince, weigh all the options, ponder the what ifs, listen to your fears and commiserate with you …. They said JUST DO IT.

Those words resonate. We need to hear that. Jeepers creepers, if you want to do something, just do it.

We wafflers of the world need to be told JUST DO IT. As I look at my whiteboard of inspiration over my desk, I do not see that phrase up there. Hmmm. I have lots of things written to myself:

No excuses.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

The choice is always fear or love. Love > Fear.

Relax. Have fun. Be awesome.

Love them.

TRUST.

Leap of faith leads to feeling more empowered, more grateful.

Life = leap of faith after leap of faith after leap of faith….

Go for it. Do it. Be it. Live it. Love it.

I guess that is my version of JUST DO IT. I coach people every day and the heart of the matter is always to trust themselves and JUST DO IT.

The ties that bind are those we wrap around ourselves. Let’s loosen those so you can leap. Sometimes a leap is a baby step. It is always rewarded with more empowerment and gratitude to fortify to take the next step/leap.

You know what you want to do, be, have. Just do it. Just be it. Just have it. Now.

Whatever is holding you back, whatever you may call it, is some kind of fear. It may be cleverly disguised, however, it is a fear. We operate from fear or we operate from trust. You get to choose. Remember, Trust and Love always trump fear.

Whatever it is that is calling you, just do it. You take leaps of faith every day. Tiny leaps, big leaps. The minute you get out of bed, you are trusting. Keep trusting. Just do it.

JUST DO IT.

Lighten Up, Francis

Cut yourself some slack. That is the best advice I can give you. Now and always. In whatever you’ve got going on. Cut yourself some slack.

Or to quote old movie lines, “Lighten up, Francis.”

Oh my dears, we are so hard on ourselves. When it comes to writing or biz or life in general, we drag ourselves into the mire of SHOULD DO, MUST DO, HAVE TO. We compare, compare, compare. And we judge. Ourselves.

We let self doubt take the driver’s seat. We start a never ending to do list and we beat ourselves up for not polishing off enough from the list.

I speak the truth. My truth, and that of so many others that cross my path. Today, and just for today, cut yourself some slack.

Deep breath in. Slow long breath out. Repeat. Repeat.

Your book will get done. The ideas will formulate. The writing will flow. The house will get tidy, the meals will get prepared, the trash will get taken out and life goes on. Your newsletter will get sent out, your clients will get your love, and your QuickBooks will get entered and life goes on. And you know what, life goes on no matter what.

So whatever has you balled up in a fret web, step back and smile. Yes, you. Right now. Smile. Feel those muscles in your face? Go to the mirror. Are you smiling? Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me: Lighten up, Francis.

Now return to the task at hand with a renewed perspective. If that didn’t do the trick, go take a walk. Don’t analyze all what needs to be done in your life, just walk. Let each step be a release. Ten minutes is not too much to ask. If you can take 20 minutes or an hour, wonderful. If not, give  yourself ten.

Today is a beautiful day. Don’t let it slip by you unnoticed.

You have a lot going on and most of it is wonderful and you love it. Yet you still find yourself stressed.

Your sticky note assignment is to write this phrase and post it where you see it: Cut yourself some slack.

When you relax, you get more done. When you tense up, you are less productive. It’s not that complicated but we sure can get tangled up.

Here’s the remedy: Notice the tension. Notice the voices in your head bombarding you. Deep breath. Smile. Mirror. Lighten up, Francis.

Back to it, feeling better.

Feeling prickly?

Marketing. That word evokes all kinds of reactions among folks. Do you feel a little prickly at the mention or are you nodding that, yep, it’s all marketing and that’s swell.

Marketing is simply the process of communicating value.

Communicating.

Value.

No matter what you do, we all are marketers. Hearing people say that used to bug me, and I imagine some of you are put off too. But really, it is all swell.

Communicating value is important and noble. Yes, I said noble. (Defined as having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals.)

Maybe you are a massage therapist. Wonderful. Love you, need you, adore you. If you do not market, I do not know you exist. You need to communicate with me so I can show my love, need, and adoration. That comes in the way of me making an appointment, getting to be a regular with you, becoming your biggest fan, a big tipper and a big referrer. So please market to me! My body wants you! (Now that got your attention.)

Part two is value. You have to provide value. You provide value in your service and in your marketing. You can give me tips why I need regular massage. You can share the benefits of body work. You can tell me cool things to make my life better. Don’t assume everyone knows the power of massage. Some still think it’s a luxury or they feel weird about it. Allay their nerves with your sincere marketing.

Marketing is about being top of mind. When someone decides they are ready for a massage, they will think of you because you have been regularly communicating value – your value in the service you provide and value in general, like a great recipe for smoothies.

I was marketing before I even knew anything about marketing or had any real services to offer. I started my e-newsletter in 2008 to keep in touch with folks who had attended my workshops. It was my way of communicating value even when the only value I gave was information and inspiration each week. It was, and is, my joy.

Now I have plenty of services to offer (editing, writing, publishing assistance) in a variety of formats (Power Hour Calls, group programs, 1-to-1 private coaching) and when you are ready, I will be top of mind. (I also can give a great “recipe” for a Limoncello smoothie. It’s my husband’s concoction. Prince Charming is an alchemist. Throw some vanilla ice cream and fresh strawberries in the blender or smoothie machine. Add some Limoncello (don’t make it too strong; and this is not a dessert for kids). Mix it up, pour in dessert glasses and freeze for a few hours. Delicious!)

I give value every week, in some way!

If you need to understand the value of having a book, in acronym form, becoming an author helps you EXCEL MORE. Exposure. X Factor. Credibility. Excitement. Leverage. That leads to more opportunities. More speaking engagements. More clients. More money. More fun.

You get instant respect when you become an author. There are ways to create a book almost instantly as well. You have the content. We can turn it into a book lickety split. A beautiful, high quality book that makes you giddy.

And when you have that book that makes you proud, you will want to tell people about it. That’s marketing. See? It’s all swell. It’s sharing good news. Communicating to your peeps about the value your book provides is what I can help with too.

Communication is the cornerstone of our human existence. Don’t shy away from it. You have something of value. You have a service or a gadget or expertise or skills, and when you communicate it to those who need your service, gadget, expertise or skills, you give them the value they are needing.

Your service, gadget, expertise or skills may change my life. Please market to me.

 

 

Focus on what is instead of what still needs to be done

Last summer I was up watering every morning. We had planted some trees (after spending months clearing out the jungle of weeds, overgrowth, and dead stuff). We had cleared and we were now starting to beautify. I wanted to make sure our efforts were rewarded.

They were. Three Hemlocks, two RedBuds, one TriColor Beech, plus a Japanese Maple, a Ninebark, a Smokebush, a Butterfly Bush, a Weigela, and lots of other smaller offerings all survived the drought.

They are thriving and beautiful. We did Round 2 of planting this spring, lots of shrubs and flowers. I have watered a few times, but so far Mother Nature is doing the job. We will determine next year if all were planted in proper shade or sun, and fill in accordingly.

When we first moved here, we had a gal come out and tell us what was “good” in the overgrowth and what was not so good. We learned to get rid of all the garlic mustard and the stuff I call sticky weed. We cleared and cleared and cleared. Then we cleared some more. We’ve had poison ivy and other itchy stuff, but transformation occurred.

She delighted in our gorgeous pocket of pretty, but sighed at the task ahead. “You’ve got a five-year plan here!”

I didn’t want to hear that. I thought we could whip the place into shape in one year. I wanted our Zen garden and I wanted it now, dammit!

We have come a long way, and the wandering path that we hand lined with stones makes me happy every time I look at it or walk it. The trees, the flowers, the lushness, the squirrels, the chipmunks, the bunnies, the turkeys, the birds, even the raccoons at night, all make me smile. There is a peace here.

My Prince Charming commented that if we had bought a place with a lovely yard we would maintain it and delight in it, yet this place is different and special for us because we created it. It is our design, our labor of love.

Our first ideas on paper morphed and evolved into what we have now. We didn’t want a manicured “perfect” garden and it would have ended up being a frustration. There is always something falling from the natural elements. Now we can wander and laugh at the critters leaving walnuts in the bark mulch or on the chairs that say “Sit.” Squirrels can read, who knew?

Last year it was so hot and dry that we didn’t have any berries populate our mulberry trees. This year, we harvested one small bowl so far. They are plentiful just not in easy reach.

Last summer I was a bit impatient with the progress. This summer I marvel at what we accomplished. We still have the back area to tend to and it has become a lush jungle of ferns and weeds. I want it all done and I want it all pretty. I also know that it will be and once we get to it, a lot can happen in a short time.

Maybe we will take five years, and that would be okay. I think as we spend our second summer here, we will have a better idea what we want that back area to be and it will come to fruition. I have learned to stop focusing on what still needs to be done and turn my attention to what is done and the beauty all around.

That is the lesson I needed.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/book coach who uses her expertise as ghostwriter and editor for NY Times Best Selling authors to help you write, edit and publish your book. Toll free 888-637-3563 or info@kellyepperson.com. wwwBirthThatBook.com)

It’s for the birds – pondering bird idioms

It’s for the birds. Where did that phrase come from? Why is something we consider worthless for the birds? According to the almighty internet, birds usually eat seeds which are not worth much, so something we think not to be worth much is deemed “for the birds.”

Have you ever called someone a birdbrain? A birdbrain is a person considered stupid or to have a short attention span. Birds do flit from here to there and there and there and there. Whether birds are stupid is up for debate. Anatomically, a bird has a relatively large brain compared to its head size. How well that brain functions, I’m not so sure.

She eats like a bird. Ever been told that? The meaning of that statement is that she does not eat very much and just pecks at her food. Birds do a lot of pecking, but from my observation, they eat plenty. If the bird poop on my property is any indication, they are doing just fine in the eating and digesting departments. I’ve read that birds actually eat quite a bit for their body size.

How do I know that? A little bird told me. We use that saying when a secret source tells us something about another person. The origin of that phrase could have come from a Bible verse in Ecclesiastes about watching your words because a bird in the sky could carry your words to the king or something like that. Some say a little bird told me refers to carrier pigeons being used to deliver messages back in the day.

It’s interesting that we don’t give much thought to the idioms we use. We simply accept them, just like we accept birds and our fancy with them. Certainly many of us have wished to be free as a bird. And we all, at one time or another, have been naked as a jaybird.

Why a jaybird? Bluejays are born with very little down, so that could be one assumption. Most birds are born the same, so naked as a bird works as well. Blue jays when mature are quite lovely and don’t appear naked. Yet I’m not sure what a naked bird looks like. None of the birds in my yard wear clothes.

What about the bluebird of happiness? A song written in 1934 has given us that icon, but bluebirds have been revered for years before that. Native American legends refer to bluebirds as a spirit associated with the rising sun. “Bluebirds fly over the rainbow, why, oh why, can’t I?” sings Dorothy in Wizard of Oz.

Birds of a feather flock together. We understand that species stay together and we say people who have similar characters or similar interests will often choose to spend time together. Bird lovers, for example.

We all know the early bird gets the worm. We call morning people early birds and those who like to stay up late are deemed night owls. Birds are up at dawn, pecking for bugs, seeds, and perhaps that famous worm. We awake to the tweets and songs of birds.

You may be wondering why I don’t explain flipping the bird. You can look that up yourself. I started today with the plan of simply writing about my fascination with the birds in my yard, and how I watch them from my sunroom, almost a bird’s eye view.

I got distracted with these idioms and wanted to share them with you. Now my column space is complete. Perhaps you could say I just killed two birds with one stone.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/book coach who likes to watch birds. Contact info@kellyepperson.com or toll free 888-637-3563. Get Kelly’s free “Insider’s Guide to Inspired Writing” at www.BirthThatBook.com.)