Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 10

This too shall pass

The highs and the lows, they don’t last. I maintain a steady upper level of positive attitude, yet I don’t live in a giddy extreme and I don’t wallow in the blahs. But I do have both.

Some people are surprised that I admit to the blahs. They know me as the joy fairy, the eternal encourager, and optimistic uplifter. That I am. I also have moments of bah humbug when I am hard on myself and think I should just chuck it all and go work at a donut shop. I did get my working girl start at age 14 at Mister Donut. Except for getting up at 4 am and getting dime tips, it was a pretty good gig.

There are days when I dance a jig around the house, proclaiming to the computer, “Damn, I AM GOOD!” I just wrote a killer piece or helped a client have a breakthrough or received feedback on how I made a difference in someone’s life. I bounce around like Tigger and blow kisses to the wind.

I love my life.

Then every once in a while, I have a low energy day. I feel zapped. I feel like a tub of goo with no brains, no tech savvy, no gumption, nothing to offer the world, oh-woe-is-me, the despair of it all. Perhaps it’s hormones, perhaps it’s the alignment of the planets and the stars and Milky Way and Three Musketeers, or perhaps I need a nap or a snack. Perhaps it’s just life.

We have days when the glow of “I’m great and I can help you see your greatness” is dim or hiding. That’s okay. Beating myself up for not being Tiggery every moment of every day doesn’t help. If you are a Head Case like me, it goes something like: “I feel a little down today. Oh dear, I know ways to lift myself up when I feel down. How dare I feel down. I know better. Come on, snap out of it! Now!” Calling myself a dummy for feeling low only makes me feel lower.

I have learned to recognize that when the blah bug bites, he only gets a tiny bit of me and the affect doesn’t last long. I know that, but when I am initially succumbing to his venom, the appeal of working at the donut shop comes back with a vengeance.

If you have moments of “I just can’t do this,” know that you are not alone and you are not the only person to feel that. Cut yourself some slack. Often the ways you know to lift yourself up will work. Enlist them. Go for a walk. Color. Get a pedicure. (We’ve shared lists before and we will again.)

Instead of trying to be Super Chick or Fabulous Fella when you are not feeling tip-top, the low energy day is a day to do other things. I always have a gazillion things to do that don’t require me to be at peak creativity. When you are feeling less than energetic, balance the checkbook, write out bills, tidy up one space of your desk/home, go through the piles of stuff that have been waiting for someday. Clip recipes, make phone calls, write all birthday cards for the month. Empty the dishwasher. Run errands.

There are tasks that you can do that don’t need your enthusiasm. You don’t have to feel on top of your game to clean up your calendar, do your expense report, or make a grocery list. You still are getting something done and the pep will return.

It does. My zapped days are infrequent. They’re replaced by the days when I zip through assignments in record time and get so much cleaned off my plate, I announce, “I’m king of the world!” like Leo in “Titanic.”

You have those days, when everything hums and grooves. Notice them. Remember them. Know that when the blah hits, it is a temporary blip and your awesomeness level will return to even keel.

We’ll talk more about our time, what we do, how to enjoy no matter what we are doing. I just wanted to uplift and encourage you – ‘cuz that’s what I do – and remind you that a down day is no big deal. Harry Emerson Fosdick said, “No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.” Creativity and productivity are the same. Don’t force. Let it come. Your energy will return, your mood will lift and you be creating and doing and laughing and gettin’ ‘er done again.

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ~Pooh’s Little Instruction Book

Try a little bit of doing nothing and you’ll bounce back into doing all your somethings and feel yourself again. When the blah bug bites, remember, this too shall pass.

Do You Read The Signs?

I have a sign over my desk that was a gift from a friend. You’ve seen these kinds of things everywhere. The long list of phrases to inspire. I dig this kind of stuff.

I glance at it every day, yet I rarely take the time to read it. Today, I share it with you, with my running commentary.

“This is your life. Find a passion and pursue it.”  I’m doing that. Reading and writing are my passions, and I help others pursue theirs via this route. Check.

“Fall in love.” Check. That is a story for another day, but believe me when I say, I am so glad I lived this long so I could know this kind of love. My husband is a dream come true, and even better.

“Dream big.” This one gives me pause. I allow myself to dream big and then I put on the brakes. And then I relax and dream big, and deep, and wide. And then I put on the brakes. Anyone else with me on this? I am learning to let off the brakes. (Again, this a discussion we will revisit.)

“Believe in magic.” Lads and laddies, I sure do. “Tell stories.” Absolutely. Our stories bond us, connect us, heal us. It is my passion.

“Travel often.” I do, I do, I do. I love to travel. I’ve yet to tire of airports and people watching. I love the discovery of new places and people. It feeds my soul and opens my mind.

“Learn more.” I am an information junkie. Being a life-long learner keeps us young, alive, and joyful. I really do learn something every day.

“Be creative.” I love this one. We are all creative. We simply express in different ways. I am creative at the keyboard, my hubby in the kitchen (and everywhere. I awoke to a new poem on the bathroom mirror.) Let your creative juices ooze. Don’t be shy.

“Love with all your heart.” We are sometimes timid to do this. We fear. We are afraid to give our whole heart because someday they will leave or die. Yes, they will. People leave us. Right here, right now, love with all your heart. Be it your partner, your family, your friends, your job, your hobbies, your whatever. Love. Love. Love. Love is bigger than fear. Just be love. You won’t regret it.

“Be true to who you are.” This is a kicker for many. Some people are still figuring that one out. As I type, I find myself wanting to expound on each of these sentences. To thine own self be true is wisdom for every day in every way. This sign above my desk is not just cute or trendy. It’s the gist of a happy life.

“Smile often.” I work at home alone. I don’t know how much I smile. I am going to do the pen trick (pen between my teeth horizontally) to keep my face muscles in proper position.

“Be grateful.” Those who know me know that I teach gratitude. It’s the #1 happiness booster. If you want more tips here, I’ve got more books and programs and workshops coming. Gratitude changes your life. I am so thankful for you.

“Follow your dreams.” This ties in with Dream Big. We have to do more than dream, we have to act. You can dream about being an actress, but if you never go to an audition, it isn’t coming true. Dreams that come true lead to more dreams. Trust me. So do something to follow the first dream.

“Try new things. Work hard.” Yes, enough said. Dreams + work = A crazy fun happy life.

“Be happy. Live for today.” That sounds easier than it really is. Sure, I am happy. I write on happy, I teach happy, I am happy. The live for today part catches me sometimes. I get a little caught up in my errors of the past and my to-do list of the future. I know I am not alone. As I focus on today, be grateful for today, and working hard today and keeping my dreams my priority, it falls into place. It requires reminders. Gee, I have one right over my desk.

The last statement on this sign says, “And above all, make every moment count.” This is where the editor in me kicks in. If I was the creator of the sign, I would have ended with BE HAPPY. LIVE FOR TODAY.

That is where I will leave you. Post your inspiration above your desk and actually read it from time to time. Read it aloud with hand on heart. Let me know in a month how things are shifting for you. Glimmers of those dreams starting to materialize? Big cool things happening fast? Let it all in. Believe in magic. Tell your story.

I’m a lover….

Yes, I’m a lover…

 

I’m a Writer, Comedian, Performer. I’m also a Liberator, Motivator. I’m a Lover, and a Hedonist. That’s a good thing. And yes, I’m a Princess.

 

Those are my primary archetypes. Knowing my guiding archetypes allows me to understand who I am and what I do, and how I serve others best. It all starts with me understanding me.

 

You can discover yours! My pal Gabrielle Javier-Cerulli, author of No Ordinary Woman, (who I met in LA, who lives in New York, and currently is in Paris for a year) is hosting a free webinar to explain:

The Secret to Your Success is Knowing Your Archetypes.

 

Do you need to define your life’s purpose and understand your gifts?

Do you really know your strengths and weakness?

Would you flourish if you were in alignment with your energies?

In this webinar, you’ll discover how you can make confident decisions in your career, relationships, business and branding by knowing your guiding archetypes!

 

I love learning about myself and in doing so, that’s how I learn to best help others.

Please join us

TUESDAY, APRIL 9

5:30 PM CENTRAL/6:30 PM EASTERN (Not sure of Paris time!)

Sign up for this free fun hour at

www.paygear.com/5424/kellyepperson

 

One hour of your time can unlock the rest of your life.

Plus Gabrielle and I (and Will Mitchell of StartUpBros, also on the call) are giving away juicy stuff! Gabrielle and I will have quite a revealing chat!

How about you? Are you ready to look into yourself?

Insight into you….priceless.

www.paygear.com/5424/kellyepperson

 

“See” you on the call!

xx Kelly

I’m a Lover…

I’m a Writer, Comedian, Performer. I’m also a Liberator, Motivator. I’m a Lover, and a Hedonist. That’s a good thing. And yes, I’m a Princess.

Those are my primary archetypes. Knowing my guiding archetypes allows me to understand who I am and what I do, and how I serve others best. It all starts with me understanding me.

You can discover yours! My pal Gabrielle Javier-Cerulli, author of No Ordinary Woman, (who I met in LA, who lives in New York, and currently is in Paris for a year) is hosting a free webinar to explain:

The Secret to Your Success is Knowing Your Archetypes.

Do you need to define your life’s purpose and understand your gifts?

Do you really know your strengths and weakness?

Would you flourish if you were in alignment with your energies?

In this webinar, you’ll discover how you can make confident decisions in your career, relationships, business and branding by knowing your guiding archetypes!

I love learning about myself and in doing so, that’s how I learn to best help others.

Please join us

TUESDAY, APRIL 9

5:30 PM CENTRAL/6:30 PM EASTERN (Not sure of Paris time!)

Sign up for this free fun hour at

www.paygear.com/5424/kellyepperson

One hour of your time can unlock the rest of your life.

Plus Gabrielle and I (and Will Mitchell of StartUpBros, also on the call) are giving away juicy stuff! Gabrielle and I will have quite a revealing chat!

How about you? Are you ready to look into yourself?

Insight into you….priceless.

www.paygear.com/5424/kellyepperson

“See” you on the call!

xx Kelly

Red Ink Reactions

When I work with clients as the book coach, I wear several hats. I am the writer/ghostwriter/editor that helps them with the content structure, mechanics, and the flow. Your books needs to be readable and relatable. I guide through all the “writerly” issues and questions. That’s the book half of being a book coach.

The second part of being the coach is being the cheerleader, the inspirer, the motivator, the encourager. I guide through all the other issues and questions that come up during the book writing journey. These are unique to each individual and yet universal.

I’ve been writing my newspaper column since May 2001. I still remember the initial jitters about submitting my work and I have compassion for my clients. For most, this is the first time they’ve done any writing since school and for many, that was not always a pleasant experience.

The voices of parents and old teachers come back to haunt them and they feel a little apprehensive turning in their pages to me. Even though there is no grading, it’s still an evaluation of sorts in their minds.

I use the word processing editing tool called Track Changes to make my edits and comments. Whoever was the programmer for that thing needs to tweak it. My suggested changes show up on the author’s version in red. Red ink does not conjure happy thoughts.

We are ingrained from a wee age to think that getting a paper back with red ink means it was not good. That’s not true, but that’s our initial reaction.

I took a creative writing class when my boys were small. It was my “night out” and I loved it. I was ten years out of college, and it was the first time I had done any writing for anyone else’s eyes. When I received my paper back with red ink comments, my heart sank.

Then I read the comments. It was glowing praise and my instructor was advising me to write, submit, and join his writers group.

I now forewarn my authors that my comments are not critical and that on my end, my changes show up in blue font. (If anyone knows how I can make the Track Changes show up on the receiver end in blue, please let me know.)

We play mind games with ourselves all the time, in everything. When it comes to writing, the rules need to be changed.

Rule 1 = It’s not hard and you can do it.

Rule 2 = You are a better writer than you think.

Rule 3 = Red does not indicate “bad.”

Red is simply a color that gets attention. Red tag clearance. Red dress. Red roses. Red is a lovely color, a color of bold and warmth. We bought a red couch and love seat for this house and they are comfortable, striking, and welcoming. I’ve read that in terms of the divine, red is a color of love, of grounding, and protection.

Think of a charming cottage house. Often the front door is painted red. It invites you in. So, dear readers, think of red ink on your papers or red font on your word doc in a new light. The red does not signal anything is wrong. It’s simply a gesture wanting to be noticed, so that your writing can be grounded in love.

As a book coach, I may also be viewed as the protector. I am on your side, wanting you to birth your book and share your message. That takes guts on your part. It requires you to be bold. So don’t let visions of red intimidate you; let them empower you.

Your high school English teacher and her red pen were wanting to make you better. That’s my goal too. So let’s embrace any color and embrace the mission. Keep writing, keep improving, keep sharing your heart with the world. In any ink color, that’s a good thing.

Gilda Radner Laugh Fest

I recently had the honor to be a speaker at Gilda’s Laugh Fest in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The late Gilda Radner, of Saturday Night Live fame, was born in Michigan and there are now several Gilda’s Clubs across the nation, named after her.

These houses offer all kinds of free programs for people living with cancer and support for their families too. They have groups, lectures, workshops, craft days, simple silliness, and every kind of support for body, mind and spirit.

The Gilda’s Club is Grand Rapids is set on a beautiful property in a converted old farmhouse. They have a wonderful facility that is homey, welcoming and peaceful. The lower level is Noogieland, an enchanted place for kids. The other levels are rooms that you just want to sink into and stay a while. The library made me swoon. They have a large community room with a loft for exercise groups and parties.

We remember Gilda Radner as one of SNL’s original Not Ready for Primetime Players. As stated on the Gilda’s Club website, she had more to say. Besides all those great funny characters from Emily Litella to Roseanne Rosannadanna, she played another role, a part she called “The Invisible Cancer Woman” in the saga of “The Adventures of the Independent Baldheaded Chemo Patient.” When Gilda was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1986, she wrote about this and other experiences living with cancer in her book, “It’s Always Something.”

During her treatment, Gilda became part of a cancer support community, and she wished that anyone dealing with cancer would be able to receive the kind of support she found there. After she died in 1989, Joanna Bull, her cancer therapist, and her husband, Gene Wilder, began to plan Gilda’s Club, a free cancer support community. The first Gilda’s Club opened in New York City in June 1995.

Gilda’s Clubs rely solely on charitable donations. Gilda’s Club Grand Rapids decided to go big in the fund – and fun – raising three years ago when they started the Laugh Fest. This is a 10-day festival that takes place across the whole city in various venues with national celebrities taking the stage.

I was honored to present the LaughterRx portion, how to implement humor and happiness into every day life. We can laugh and feel better, no matter what. The main stage headliner that night was Lewis Black, who my kids think is great. I now think so too.

I was also honored to be the emcee the following night at the actual Gilda’s Club for a program called “What’s Funny About That?” Comedians and musicians performed and club members took a turn at the open mic to share a funny story that has happened on their journey.

We all have challenges, and we all can learn to implement humor and happiness skills to make each day go smoother. Simply sharing a laugh lowers blood pressure and gets the feel-good healing chemical flowing throughout your body.

It’s in our power to face our challenges with a renewed attitude of hope and strength. Surround yourself with people who believe in the power of positivity. Do the basics of eating better, moving your body in some kind of exercise, and getting more sleep. Those simple tweaks alone will increase your energy and stamina, no matter if you are “healthy” or not.

The power of gratitude is the strongest force of all and I am incredibly grateful to be a part of an event that is using its power for good. Thank you.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach who helps people birth their books. Write info@kellyepperson.com or call toll free 888-637-3563.)

You can't use up creativity

You can’t use up creativity.

I’ve been writing my weekly newspaper column since May 2001. I could write it daily – It’s a joy and I never run out of ideas. One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes is: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” [image error]

Many people tell themselves that they’re not creative. We believe what we tell ourselves so it’s time to do so reprogramming. You are creative. You are a vast treasure trove of ideas. Once you allow yourself to drop a little droplet, the flow begins.

I attended a training session for entrepreneurs and one of the exercises was to write a haiku about your services. Being an English major (and yes accounting major; left brain/right brain unite!), that made me grin. We were given 60 seconds to compose a haiku. For those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, it’s a three line verse in the pattern of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.

My first draft of this exercise came out:

Let’s birth your book now

No labor pains required

Become an author

5/7/5. You give it a try. Write about your biz, your dreams, your house, your family, your mate, your pet. 5.7.5.

Prince Charming is real.

He’s my husband, my soul mate.

Fairy tales come true.

Yes, I use my fingers to count out the syllables. This little exercise gets the creativity well bubbling up. If you say you are not creative, you’ve just been letting it lie dormant. It’s time to wake it up.

Many people express their creativity in the kitchen. In the garden. In their home decor. In the gifts they wrap. We all express differently and we all are creative.

Our kids are creative and sometimes we unwittingly try to squash it out of them. Don’t.

I was never more proud of my son than when he returned from taking an AP exam his senior year in high school. He reported that he blanked out on the last essay question on the Econ exam so instead he wrote 19 haikus and a story about a leprechaun.

I told him he was going to be just fine in this world.

(For you scoffers out there, know this young man was a straight-A student all throughout school and is now on the Dean’s List as a college freshman. And he’s an all-around wonderful person.)

When you think that your well has run dry, it hasn’t. You just need to do a rain dance. Focus your creative efforts on something besides the task at hand. If you are stuck with a work project, take a break into other creative pursuits. It can be taking a walk and letting the cobwebs clear or it can be getting messy.

People who spend time painting, wood working, gardening, etc, etc, etc are more productive and creative in their “real” work. This outlet gets those droplets flowing again. So take a break and go arrange flowers in a vase. Move the pretties around on your shelves. Bake some swirly cupcakes.

If you are writing a book and getting hung up in the enormity of the project, do the 6-word story exercise. The rumor is that Hemingway was the first to write a six word story: “For sale, baby shoes. Never worn.”

I do the 6-word story exercise in writing workshops and joy workshops. People can tell a lot about themselves in six words. Try it. I could teach a whole day on that alone.

Point is, Maya was right. You can’t use up creativity. It’s there, always. You just have to take a deep breath and let it ooze out.

Let the flow begin.

 

You can’t use up creativity

You can’t use up creativity.

I’ve been writing my weekly newspaper column since May 2001. I could write it daily – It’s a joy and I never run out of ideas. One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes is: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”

Many people tell themselves that they’re not creative. We believe what we tell ourselves so it’s time to do so reprogramming. You are creative. You are a vast treasure trove of ideas. Once you allow yourself to drop a little droplet, the flow begins.

I attended a training session for entrepreneurs and one of the exercises was to write a haiku about your services. Being an English major (and yes accounting major; left brain/right brain unite!), that made me grin. We were given 60 seconds to compose a haiku. For those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, it’s a three line verse in the pattern of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.

My first draft of this exercise came out:

Let’s birth your book now

No labor pains required

Become an author

5/7/5. You give it a try. Write about your biz, your dreams, your house, your family, your mate, your pet. 5.7.5.

Prince Charming is real.

He’s my husband, my soul mate.

Fairy tales come true.

Yes, I use my fingers to count out the syllables. This little exercise gets the creativity well bubbling up. If you say you are not creative, you’ve just been letting it lie dormant. It’s time to wake it up.

Many people express their creativity in the kitchen. In the garden. In their home decor. In the gifts they wrap. We all express differently and we all are creative.

Our kids are creative and sometimes we unwittingly try to squash it out of them. Don’t.

I was never more proud of my son than when he returned from taking an AP exam his senior year in high school. He reported that he blanked out on the last essay question on the Econ exam so instead he wrote 19 haikus and a story about a leprechaun.

I told him he was going to be just fine in this world.

(For you scoffers out there, know this young man was a straight-A student all throughout school and is now on the Dean’s List as a college freshman. And he’s an all-around wonderful person.)

When you think that your well has run dry, it hasn’t. You just need to do a rain dance. Focus your creative efforts on something besides the task at hand. If you are stuck with a work project, take a break into other creative pursuits. It can be taking a walk and letting the cobwebs clear or it can be getting messy.

People who spend time painting, wood working, gardening, etc, etc, etc are more productive and creative in their “real” work. This outlet gets those droplets flowing again. So take a break and go arrange flowers in a vase. Move the pretties around on your shelves. Bake some swirly cupcakes.

If you are writing a book and getting hung up in the enormity of the project, do the 6-word story exercise. The rumor is that Hemingway was the first to write a six word story: “For sale, baby shoes. Never worn.”

I do the 6-word story exercise in writing workshops and joy workshops. People can tell a lot about themselves in six words. Try it. I could teach a whole day on that alone.

Point is, Maya was right. You can’t use up creativity. It’s there, always. You just have to take a deep breath and let it ooze out.

Let the flow begin.

 

Do you feel free?

“Most people are not really free. They are confined by the niche in the world that they carve out for themselves. They limit themselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of their vision.” ~V.S. Naipaul

Do you feel free?

When is the last time you said, and believed, “Anything is possible”?

We do tend to confine ourselves by the narrowness of our visions. It’s not our fault really, it’s the way of our culture. We are taught to “Don’t get your hopes up” or to “Be realistic” or “Stay grounded in reality.”

Not such great advice.

Stay grounded in your reality, your vision for yourself, your great big dreams. That’s the anchor you need. Get your hopes up and do something “realistic” to take you there.

Anything is possible for those who dream – and do. You can dream of being an astronaut, but it also requires that you work your butt off to get into the space program. You can imagine being a stand up comic, but if you never take an improv class or write material or go to open mic night, you will stay stuck in Imagination Land. You can envision yourself in any career or capacity, but then you have do something about it.

First we dream, then we do.

People are afraid to dream. We are trained to stay small, to get along, to get by, and just exist. Blah. Where’s the fun in that?

When you expand your vision to anything’s possible, you start to receive opportunities. You then have to accept the opportunity before you. I know people who dreamed of a better job and then it came along, yet they were afraid to accept it and talked themselves out of it. “I would have a longer commute.” “I would have a change in my hours.” “I would have to take a class and learn something new….”

What it comes down to is “I would have to meet new people, learn new things, and see new places.” Hmm, isn’t that part of the adventure of life?

We carve out a spot where we tell ourselves it’s safe. We convince ourselves this is enough. If you are happy with that, I give you my love. If you know you want more, please hear me. I’m talking to you. Anything is possible.

Close your eyes and see your name on that book cover. See your bank account with more zeroes. See yourself standing on the stage sharing your heart and your message. See yourself on the beach with your sweetie pie watching the sunset. See yourself on a gondola in Venice. See your smiling face wearing that cap and gown, or wedding dress, or holding that baby.

I am continually in awe of the unfolding of possibilities. It’s always our choice to open up to them (even if it seems a bit scary) or we can close ourselves off. The latter is the road most taken. Playing it safe is how we are taught. I don’t think Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Oprah, or any actor, singer, performer, athlete, author, speaker, inventor, leader, business owner, or anyone you admire, got there by playing it safe.

The child who dreamed of a being a preacher, a teacher, or a fashion designer, had to open up to the possibility and then do something about it.

You may have been raised to limit yourself to few possibilities. That was then, this is now. Now it’s up to you. The only binds now are the ones you put on yourself.

“Most people are not really free.” What about you? Ready for more?

Allow yourself. Carve out a new niche for you. Let me know the possibilities that await!

 

The truth about love..

The truth about love is….

How do you finish that statement? Many a songster has answered that for us. Love stinks. Love is a many splendored thing. Love is thicker than water.

Prince Charming and I recently attended a Pink concert in Chicago, part of her Truth About Love tour. She has her own take on that theme. “The truth about love is it’s nasty and it’s salty; It’s the regret in the morning; It’s the smelling of armpits.”

Score one for originality there. She does have a moment of the up side: “It’s wings and songs and trees and birds; It’s all the poetry that you ever heard.”

Pink’s truth about love makes for interesting songs and a great stage show. She has a passionate love/can’t stand him relationship with her husband. Her truth differs from my truth. My truth will differ from your truth.

That’s the truth about love.

We all crave it, be it from a partner, a parent, or a pet. Humans need love. That may be one universal truth we all can agree on. Other than that, our truths may vary from, well, the smelling of armpits to the smelling of roses.

When you first fall in love, you see the good qualities. Infatuation can lead to rock solid romance and lifelong commitment. Many folks think that “once you get to know a person” the inevitable kicks in, and they assume that the inevitable is bad stuff, a bunch of annoying habits that you ignored during the dating time.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, the longer you know someone, you learn more about them. Our society has us programmed to think that the other shoe has to drop and you must settle into a routine of putting up with each other. The idea seems to be that a long relationship means finding out more things to NOT like about your partner.

Many are trained to think this is normal. For some, that’s their truth about love. “I will barely tolerate you until death do us part.”

Doesn’t have to be that way. The truth about love is that it is in the eye of the beholder. You can chose to focus on the good, the things that attracted you in the first place. If you look for more good qualities, you will find them. You can fall deeper and deeper in love. That’s the truth about love.

You can allow yourself to be irritated by toilet seats, toothpaste tubes, and towels (I know a couple who argued about how to fold the bath towels), or you can allow yourself to see how patient, understanding and caring your partner is.

It’s always your choice. That’s the truth about love. Some folks turn love into a score card. I did this, so she/he should do that, and on and on. If you want that to be your truth, have at it. You’ll be among those singing Love Stinks.

If your mate is not the right mate (that happens), then make the break and find the right one. No one is perfect, but there is someone (or something) that is right and perfect for you. And that’s the truth about love.

Love grows and flows, and love to a 16-year-old is much different than with a 66-year-old, but it’s just as awesome and important.

The most awesome and important note is self love. You are worthy of true beautiful lasting love. When you believe it, you will have it. And that’s the truth about love.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach who helps folks birth their books. See www.kellyepperson.com or call toll free 888-637-3563.)