Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 12

Does sunshine in your eyes make you cry?

I’m listening to John Denver again. If he was still around, he may or may not be making the rounds of “has-beens.” He may have created more music and stayed in the limelight. It doesn’t matter. He’s gone; his music lives on.

The liner notes of this “best of” CD state that his style of sappy, heart on his sleeve songs were mocked all throughout his career, and he didn’t care. He was the softer side and his success proved that people liked heartfelt, simple songs.

People still do.

In any era, there is harder music, dancey stuff, obnoxious stuff, and sappy songs about the emotions we go through in life. As Paul McCartney sang, “You’d think the people would have had it with the silly love songs. I look around me and I see it isn’t so.”

We like the sweet songs. Even heavy metal bands often have their biggest hits with the love ballad.

If you had to make a list of your top ten favorite songs of all time, it’s my guess your list would include some simple, sweet, sappy stuff. Have you ever done that? Made a list of your favorite songs? It’s pretty hard to keep it to ten.

Sometimes I like one line of a song. Sometimes I like the feel or sound of a song, but not the words. There are many songs that I love that don’t apply to my life situations, but I love the song just the same.

You may or may not like John Denver. No big deal. Listen to the radio for a day and count up all the artists that you hear. You probably don’t like them all, but you are glad to hear plenty. We need variety. We need the snappy songs and we need the sappy songs. There is a place for all.

Prince Charming and I listen to the music channels on our television and we marvel at the vast array of music styles that come at us from the 70s channel. There is no one defining style of that or any decade. The love songs roll after the funk which plays after the disco which is followed by rock…. everything is represented.

We humans are a moody breed and we need different songs for morning, noon, and night and all the hours in between. I get stuck in a groove and play a certain artist for a week and then switch over to something totally different.

The songs of the 70s flow into the 80s and I get lost in Queen and Van Halen for a while. Variety is the spice of life and the music box.

It doesn’t matter what you play; just play something you enjoy. Music does indeed soothe the soul. It can lift you up when you need an attitude adjustment and it can calm you down when you are feeling a little frenzied.

Who lifts you? Who calms you? To each his own, and it can vary any day of the week, or any time of day. There is no size/singer fits all. Look at all the classics we love and look at all the new folks coming on the scene that we love. There is room in our hearts, our sappy or rocking hearts, for all.

Music, lyrics. Does it make you sway or swoon. Does it make you shake your booty. Songs invoke memories and some provoke tears.

Sunshine in your eyes can make you cry or the song may make you cringe. It’s your decision, your play list. Whatever you choose, let the music play on.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach. Visit www.kellyepperson.com.)

Untangle those thoughts with music…

“The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought.”

~ Sir Thomas Beecham

Oh, how we get tangled up in our thoughts.

Yes, we can think some pretty great stuff. And we also hold on to some thoughts that don’t do us any good at all.

Was it Dr. Seuss who said, “Oh, the thinks you can think?!” (Or was it my mom?) I take that to mean, “Holy cow! Look at all your wonderful ideas! Look at that imagination! That creativity! Yes! Yes! Go and do!”

Yet we do have a lot of thinks running through our thinker, and some of those thinks are tyrants of fear and worry. They chant, “You can’t do this. Who do you think you are?”

When those thoughts clamp down on you and you feel heavy, turn on the tunes. Yes, play some funky music, white boy. Black girl, Brown boy. Whatever-color-gender, friend, play some music.

Music is magic. I cannot explain its powers, I just know it works. I don’t examine it. I don’t debate it. I don’t over-analyze. I simply put something on the turn table and let it spin.

Yes, I have a turn table and vinyl. I still have cassettes too. My CD collection is like a bunch of teddy bears, hidden in the closet, there at the ready when I need them.

When you are feeling stuck, tired, overwhelmed, mad, or any thought that has its tyrannical hold on you, release it with music.

The beauty is that you get to choose what works for you. In one of my joy life coaching programs, I do mandate that my ladies force themselves to dance around to Shania Twain’s “Up,” but that is just to get the wheels turning. Song selection after that is up the beholder.

This morning I had to practice what I preach. I was not feeling confident or peppy. The tyranny of my conscious thoughts was making me feel less than competent. I forced myself to put on Shania. Not an easy thing to do when you feel like crap and you don’t consider yourself a fan.

It’s like any other kind of exercise. You make yourself do it, and you feel so much better after.

Music soothes the savage beast and the beast is our thoughts. Our thoughts are not always particularly kind to us. One tool we have is that of music. It penetrates our brains and musically massages the clump of thoughts tangled up in there to work out that tension.

The result is a calmer, saner you. You return to the task at hand with a renewed perspective. You can indeed to whatever it is that looms before you. The project is not as mammoth, and you are feeling more equipped to take each step of the way.

When you feel yourself buckling under the tyranny of your thoughts, turn to your tunes. Have some that you know lift you. Have some that you know will calm you. Are you wired tight, ready to pop? Pick from your playlist and unwind. Are you laying on your bed feeling like a lump of “I can’t do this”? Select a song that stimulates.

This requires effort on your part. You have to lift a finger and push play.

Jon Roland writes, “Tyranny is usually thought of as cruel and oppressive, and it often is, but the original definition of the term was rule by persons who lack legitimacy.” Well, isn’t that telling? Our thoughts that make us feel “less than” in any way shape or form lack legitimacy! They may feel powerful as they bounce around with the other thoughts in our heads, but they are not legit.

There are many ways to combat the tyranny of our thoughts. The first step is to recognize when we have them. The second step is to do something to counteract. Today’s tip to show who truly is the boss is the power of music. (And The Boss is on many a playlist.)

William Congreve’s quote states: “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend the knotted oak.” Let it soften the rocks in your head, soothe you, and unknot the twisty thoughts that tie you up.

Bob Marley said, “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” When you are feeling the pain of your thoughts, ease them with a tonic of tunes. As Shania sings, “Nowhere to go but up from here.”

Everyone has a story.

I recently presented a program to the management of Anytime Fitness. Their vision correlates with mine: Improve the self-esteem of the world.

Their explanation is that self-esteem is central to everything a person does, and it can be the difference between success and failure, being positive or negative, and feeling happy or sad.

Absolutely.

Self-esteem and happiness go hand-in-hand. When we increase one, the other automatically goes up. The happier I get, the more confidence I feel. The more confident I feel, the more my happiness is elevated.

When we live from a place of being happy with ourselves, we feel good, plain and simple. It affects all areas of our lives, our health, our relationships, our jobs and businesses, and our finances.

It doesn’t matter what door you go through to get started. The mind-body-spirit connection is real and when you focus on one aspect, the others get benefit as well.

The Anytime Fitness crew gifted me a shirt that states, “Everyone has a story to tell.” In my work as a life coach and a book coach, I certainly know that to be true.

My clients go through transformation, be it in my life mastery programs or via my book coaching. The process of writing a book is a wonderful self-esteem builder. The thrill of becoming an author is a true joy.

Everywhere I go, I meet people who say they have been wanting to write a book. Many have been wanting to write this book for twenty years. That’s a long time to be wanting. Many folks never do take the plunge.

Why?

There are any number of reasons/excuses. Most say time or expense. When they finally are ready to make this wanting a reality, it comes down to being ready to be vulnerable. Putting yourself out there in book form takes guts.

We often don’t realize our internal battles are confidence related. We just hear the thoughts pinging around in our heads. Do I have enough to say? Who am I to write a book? Will anyone read it?

Your negative voices may not say exactly those words, but if you have been wanting to write a book and keep putting it off, ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself.

Writing a book requires a leap of faith.

When you reach a point of being able to take a deep breath and say, “I’m going to do this,” your self-esteem notches up without you even realizing it. Something inside shifts and your confidence muscle grows. Sometimes you are aware of it during the process; sometimes not until later on do you look back and realize the personal growth journey you have just traveled. Feel those confidence muscles now!

Increased confidence. Increased happiness. All kinds of things happen when you take that first step. The process leads to improved relationships, improved businesses, improved health, and improved finances. Ideas keep flowing. New people come into your world. Opportunities arise.

If you are among the many with a wanting, do you want to keep wanting, or do you want to grow your confidence and do it, whatever your “it” is? All it takes is one first step. Action begets action, and momentum builds. Usually the process is much less difficult than you imagined. The results are more rewarding than imagined too.

Allow some time to shut your brain off from its normal state of chatter and busyness. Most of my clients are able to get centered and focused with ten minutes of time alone. Some like to run, walk, meditate, cook, sit and pet the cat, whatever. Whatever takes you to your happy, calm place. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself. Does your body and your Inner Voice say, “I’m going to do this”?

Then take one small action. Hire a book coach. Sign up for a workout class. Book that trip to Italy.

Whatever your wanting is, take it from being a wanting to being a part of you. When you step into and own it, you will amaze yourself how the rest of your life changes. When you say, “I’m an author” or “I lost 40 pounds and love to run now” or “I travel the world,” you feel, act, and live differently.

Everyone has a story to tell. What’s yours?

I love what I do.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

~Confucius

[image error]Confucius said a lot of things (and is attributed many more; I’m not sure he actually said, “Man who sit on tack get point!”). This statement above rings only partially true for me.

I love what I do and I know many people who love their work. We also work hard at doing what we love. It is not drudgery, yet it is work.

The first book I ever wrote was a memoir for a lady who grew up in Norway, was Jewish, and was subject to anti-Semitism. Fascinating story, and when she read my words of her life, she cried. That’s when I knew I was using my gift properly. I also had never worked harder in my life.

Researching and interviewing and writing and editing and proofing. Those may be things I love yet they also fall under the category of work.

I understand the gist of Confucius’s message. I love what I do. I love my life. Having my business also means there are all kinds of tasks that need to get done too. They may not be my true love, but are necessary. Accounting and organizing and administrative duties are work too.

Doing (or delegating) is easier when the overall scope of what you do is what you love. Motherhood was a job I loved and yet it required some work. Changing diapers may be a labor of love, but it’s labor. You get my point. (Without having to sit on a tack.)

To think that every day will be floating on air because we love what we do is not realistic. Confucius was saying that you can find what your heart wants to do so you can wake up each morning and not dread the day. He just said it more eloquently.

When I worked at the IRS, I got up each morning in a fog. It was the daily routine of get up, go to work, come home to make dinner to do it all again tomorrow. I thought that was normal life.

Now I know work is so much more. It is standard conversation fare in our country to ask “What do you do”? I used to hate that question when I worked for Uncle Sam. Now I love it. I also meet people every day who love what they do. They work hard, yes, and their work is a part of their joy.

What about you? Do you like what you do? Do you find fulfillment too? Last week I wrote Never Say Never. You are never trapped. You can indeed continue on your journey and have work that you love. Start putting out feelers. Take a class or offer a class. Moonlight on the side. Dabble around until something sparks you. Ask. Tell. Your boss will never know you want to be a trainer unless you say something. One step leads to the next. If you are employed or work for yourself, take inventory of your “love level” – which of your tasks do you love? Do more of that.

Don’t complicate it. For now, just focus on doing more of that. See what starts to happen. Someday you will wake up and enter each day knowing you do what you love. Confucius also said: “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”

Maybe you will work every day of your life, and if it’s what you love, call it whatever you want. I love my work, my job, my profession, my career. Calling it work is just a label. It’s how you feel that matters.

Never say never…

I’m never gonna have big boobs.

My mom didn’t exactly lie to me. She said that when I hit puberty, my boobs would grow. I guess they did, just not very much.

Oh well. What was a lament of my young-girl days is no biggee now as an adult. The size of my boobs has not hindered me personally, professionally, and I can give really close hugs. And never say never. I temporarily had big boobs after the birth of my sons and if I wanted them permanently, I could pay for some. I don’t want to. I’m good with my middle-age no-saggers.

I’m never going to meet Nora Ephron.

I started reading Nora’s essays back when she wrote about wanting breasts too. I had Crazy Salad long before I knew I would became an essayist. Most people know Nora’s name from the movies, like “Sleepless in Seattle” and “Julie & Julia.” I fell in love with Nora the writer long before that.

It was my joy and heartfelt humbled awe to be next to Nora when my first book hit the shelves at Barnes & Noble. My collection of essays was sandwiched between Nora’s I Feel Bad About My Neck and something from Jeff Foxworthy. The thrill of having a book in bookstores was doubled by seeing my book rubbing covers with Nora Ephron.

I sent her a letter proclaiming my love and included a picture of my book next to hers. I like to imagine she smiled before she tossed my note in the trash. More than likely, her assistant screened her mail, and letters from potential crazies never made it into her hands, but hey, we all have our fantasies.

Now that Nora has passed on, I will never meet her in the flesh. But you know what, through her work, I have met her. And who knows what happens when I leave this earthly plane; maybe we’ll chat about breasts and necks somewhere in the great beyond. Never say never…

What is your “never”? “I’m never gonna meet Mr. Right.” Please don’t think that. When I divorced, I was delightfully surprised how many wonderful men are out there. There are many Mr. Rights out there and you will find yours. I met my Prince Charming, who is not only Mr. Right For Me, he is Mr. Perfect For Me, and there is one out there for you too.

“I’m never gonna lose weight.” “I’m never gonna be able to afford that.” “I’m never going to be truly happy.” “I’m never gonna finish my book.” I’m never gonna get over that gal using the word ‘gonna.’”

Listen to the gal with sloppy grammar: Watch your words. Start with the switch to “I am losing weight.” Even if you haven’t shed a pound, you can turn the tide simply by saying I AM losing weight. Think it, feel it, believe it, then watch it happen.

I am able to afford this. I am finishing my book. I am happy. I am able to tolerate those with poor grammar.

Take your never and switch it to I AM. Once you shift your energy like that, that’s when things start to happen. You will suddenly meet someone who can help you, or you will read something that lifts and inspires you, or an elegant idea will suddenly appear. Let it in. Then take some kind of action. Next thing you know, the word “never” will have disappeared from your vocabulary.

If I’d really wanted big boobs, I would have them. And when I think on it, if I had really wanted to meet Nora, I would have made it happen. I have a long list of authors I’ve met and all kinds of wild dreams that have come true. When we have strong desire, we take strong action. Sometimes the desire is eclipsed by a limiting belief, and that’s where the I AM shift kicks in.

What is it that you want this year? Every time your never voice speaks up, turn it around and instead feel the desire and the possibility. Open up to the help that is all around you. Allow yourself to receive. In time, you too may join in the Never Say Never circle.

What’s it for you? Pay attention. “I’m never going to be organized.” “I’m never going to be able to stop drinking soda.” “I’m never going to learn Swahili.”

Jambo. That’s Hello in Swahili. You’ve begun. One small action leads to the next. Asante! Thank you!

Never say never…

Grab me, baby.

Grab me, baby.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” It doesn’t matter if you are writing the Great American Novel, or as in Dickens’ case, the Great British Novel, or your nonfiction book, you need to have a good kickoff.

Opening lines reel them in.

“I wish Giovanni would kiss me,” writes Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love. Hmm, maybe Giovanni will kiss me too. In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz, says, “What you are seeing and hearing right now is nothing but a dream.” What does he mean? I’ll read on. Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich opens with: “When Edwin C. Barnes climbed down from that freight train in Orange, N.J., he may have resembled a tramp, but his thoughts were those of a king.” Hmm, a story. Tell me more.

Your catchy title gets readers to open the book. (Titles can be a discussion for another day.) When your peep flips to page one, you gotta engage them right away.

Jim Collins in Good to Great writes: “Good is the enemy of great.” That’s a strong line, makes me curious to see how he backs up his point. Seth Godin in Tribes writes: “Joel Spolsky is changing the world.” Who the heck is Joel Spolsky and what the heck is he doing? I want to read more. Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap writes: “The One Problem That Holds You Back: I call it the Upper Limit Problem, and I haven’t met a person yet who didn’t suffer at least a little bit from it.” What’s the Upper Limit Problem and do I suffer from it? I’m intrigued.

Curiosity did not kill the cat. Curiosity lights up the cat and keeps him turning the page.

Start off with a bang. Grab them, pull them in, and deliver. Don’t start off with who you are and why you are writing the book. That will come as you go. Back story is called back story for a reason. Your expertise, your experience, your wisdom is indeed what you are sharing, but your stories are how you convey it and how you keep your reader engaged.

Dr. Earl Henslin, a counselor and an academic, and author of This is Your Brain on Joy, writes the opening line: “I come from a family of Minnesota dairy farmers, the population that served as fodder for Garrison Keillor’s hilariously stoic Lutheran characters in the famed Prairie Home Companion skits.”

His book focuses on brain research and how ailments, like addictions, ADD, and eating disorders, are actually brain problems and he advises what one can do to treat those issues. It’s a technical book, but it’s readable and engaging because Dr. Henslin understands the importance of story telling.

If he had opened with, “Many people unknowingly trigger cognitive inflexibility or mood problems by eating diets that are low in L-tryptophan,” I would have thought this book was not my thing. Yawn. He shares his research, knowledge, and solutions because he keeps the reader engaged with stories, and not just pure factual information.

This is not Dragnet. Readers want more than just the facts, ma’am.

Sometime we are so eager to share our expertise that we forget to first whet the appetite of our reader. A reader wants to know, like, and trust you, and you establish that from the start with kicky sentences and stories.

Show your personality, your flair, your style. You be you. Tell your stories your way. Share your nitty gritty information in the same way.

Creative nonfiction is called that for a reason. Just because you are telling the essential details of weight loss, or business, or relationships, or parenting, or whatever your area of expertise is, you can tell it creatively and compellingly.

That begins with the opening line.

Grab me, baby.

 

Listing all the good and helpful…

Your first assignment of the new year is to get out a piece of paper and a pen. Got it? Good. Now, start listing every person who has ever made a positive impact on your life.

This will take a while.

Once you get going, you may need more paper. Countless people have entered your life, some just for a moment, who have made a difference for the better.

There may be obvious ones. Your parents, your kids, your spouse, your friends, your neighbors, your teachers, your spiritual mentors, your co-workers and colleagues. Listing all those names should get the ball rolling.

Your pen won’t be able to keep up with your brain as all the names and faces start to pop up. Your little league coach who always encouraged you. Your daughter’s preschool teacher who understands her shyness. The cashier at the bank who always greets you with a smile.

There will be people who you do not know their names. That’s okay. List them too. Guy at the tire place who fixed my flat. Bus driver of the airport shuttle who told jokes. Salvation Army bell ringers who sang carols.

You may run out of steam for writing before you run out of people.

Famous people you have never met who inspire you make the list. So does anyone who has eased your burden in any way, even if they simply made you smile as you left the gas station as they held the door for you.

Has a drive thru window teenager ever made small talk or given you/your car/your anything a compliment? They make the list. Has a toddler at the mall ever winked at you or waved vigorously and said Hi to you about three thousand times? They make the list. Has a post office clerk taken extra time with you to solve your packing problem even if they had a long line behind you? They make the list.

Every day, in lots of ways, people are helping people. People are helping you. Some know you, some do not. Some will never cross your path again. It does not matter. For that instance, they made your load lighter, they eased your journey.

I have editors that I’ve never met in the flesh. They are all on my list. I have teachers that I don’t remember their names. They are on my list. I have strangers who have helped me find my way in foreign cities. They’re on my list.

Some people I think are angels. Most are just ordinary folks going about life. Just like you. You have helped countless people in countless of ways and you never think about it. It’s just what we do. We humans connect.

We do it all the time. We help out our fellow man. We really do. When you watch the news and see all the stories of when we do not act in this way toward each other, get out your list. Use it to remind yourself of all the good people in the world.

There will always be a few troubled people causing pain and tremendous grief who make the headlines. All the people on your list don’t make the news, but they are the real force in this world.

Day in and day out, you have more people doing little things to help than “bad guys” doing big things that hurt. Maybe a new gratitude practice could be to list three people each day who helped the day go smoother. The UPS guy, the mailman, an email friend….

The list never ends. And you are on mine. Thank you.

A thing of beauty…

Christopher Morley said, “In every man’s heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibration of beauty.” Amen. On the last day of our recent extended hotel stay, I had to wait for Prince Charming to get off work. I had ants in my pants, and they were doing a dance. I had no concentration for my work, for reading, for a movie.

I’d enjoyed the three weeks away, and I’d done very well in our makeshift home away from home. I also realized I like my pretties.

A hotel room looks like a hotel room looks like a hotel room. Standard bedspreads. Standard pictures on the walls. Standard furnishings. All good and fine, yet I craved beauty.

It is a happiness habit that I teach: “Surround yourself with beauty.” My home is a reflection of what I find beautiful. The hotel room was not.

I had to break free. I packed up the last of our stuff and went wandering until Mr. Charming was ready for pick up. My car, my SOUL, is a thing of beauty. The speakers light up and pulse to the music. I have a tiny chandelier hanging from the rear view mirror. I’ve had it a long time and it still makes me smile.

Driving through neighborhoods calmed me. Old Victorian homes always send a thrill through me. Some people just love old houses. I’m one of them.

The town is a mix of old and new, nice and not so nice. It is AnyTown, USA. I had only been there three weeks, yet I had a slight affection. At least an appreciation.

The little downtown was quaint and I drove slowly up and down the blocks making sure that I had hit all the shops that had appealed to me. Still with time to kill, I got out and strolled.

I stepped into a place filled with pretties. Romantic clothing, home furnishings, books, candles, ahhhhhh. My soul inhaled long and deep, and exhaled “Thank you.” Pretties, pretties, everywhere.

My head maintains a constant dialog and I asked myself if I was just a material girl. Not at all, was the reply. Your soul craves beauty. Don’t be ashamed of that. Natural beauty and man made beauty.

I concurred. I love the great outdoors and it is my joy to live among trees, squirrels, and turkey. I also love art, architecture, and Old World Charm. Emily Dickinson said, “Beauty is not caused. It is.”

It is. It just is. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and let us all behold. I see beauty and it fills me up. Beauty feeds the soul, nourishes, uplifts, encourages, soothes, heals. Beauty is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Beauty does not have to be expensive. Beauty’s where you find it. It’s everywhere. I like simple things. I like frilly things. I like sparkly things. I like understated things. I like antique things. I like modern things. I like beauty.

Beauty. Ahh…. thank you.

Dante said that beauty awakens the soul to act. I agree. A dip in beauty and I was rejuvenated. The ants had left my pants and I was whirring with ideas for all kinds of creative projects, for home and for work. I felt calm and peaceful. My agitation had subsided. Beauty. I was basking in appreciation and anticipation.

My heart answers to the vibration of beauty. All hearts do. Surround yourself with beauty, today and everyday. Bits and pieces for you to behold. You will feel calm, you will feel uplifted. You will feel. Beauty. Ahh…. thank you.

Talking Turkey Time

Tis the season to eat turkey, nap, and shop. Tis the season for so much more. The end of November leads right into the crazed frenzy of December so use the rest of this month wisely.

Get your tax records organized and make an appointment with your accountant to make sure there’s nothing more you need to do before year end. Maybe that doesn’t sound fun, but if it nets you a few hundred bucks extra come April 15, you’ll be glad you did.

Organize photos, clean out closets, or tidy up the basement. You will feel lighter. As you get out the Christmas decor, take a hard look at what you have. Do you still love all that stuff?

I’ve accumulated bins upon bins of holiday stuff. My tastes and situation have changed, and I don’t want or need it all anymore. I now gift some of my lovely stuff. A young cousin recently got married and I gave her some things to start off her holiday collection that had been gifts from aunts and Grandma.

When I pass items on to others, I explain the history, the joy, and my delight in sharing now. I also give permission to regift if not their taste. Just because something came from Aunt Annie does not mean you have to love it or keep it. It has nothing to do with your love for Aunt Annie.

Take stock of the year coming to a close. Births, deaths, weddings, divorces, reunions, anniversaries, graduations. Savor the good and allow that some is sad.

The more you allow the sad, the more healing occurs. When we attempt to be stoic and carry on or tell ourselves to be strong, it usually backfires. Go ahead and bawl like a baby.

Maybe your mom died this year. Maybe you got divorced. Not easy things. So let yourself cry. Also let yourself feel happy. It’s healthy to laugh, to feel good, to see love and beauty. And that can also make you cry. You see a cardinal or hear a song that makes you think of your loved one and you feel that mix of happy and sad at the same time. Cry, and let the happy in too.

Laughter and tears go hand in hand, and are equally healing. Smiling through the tears is quite a gift. Studies show that grieving folks were doing much better on all levels a year later when they allowed themselves to laugh during their mourning.

What all did you do this year that was fun? What do you want more of? Say a silent thank you for the good stuff and smile when you recall the memories. It embeds the feeling deeper. The appreciation sinks into your bones, becomes part of you.

In reviewing my 2012, I see how much we have traveled, how much we have done to our house, how much business growth we’ve had. I also became an empty nester. That is an example of happy and sad.

Now I delight in my interactions with my college boys. A text message from my BoyWonders can make me bust out laughing or clutch my heart in mommy joy. Our relationships continue to evolve.

What I want more of for the upcoming year is more laughter. More money, and more clients, absolutely. Yet it starts with more laughter. Taking time to relax, have fun, and dream. Schedule some time for that these remaining days of November.

Schedule some time for that every day, from here forward. Now, I will go eat turkey, take a nap, and shop.

The big little word BE

Have you ever noticed the power of tiny words? One word that is on my lips frequently is the wonderful nugget BE.

Look at the inspirational quotes, magnets, and plaques that abound this time of year. As we enter into a new year (unless of course the Mayans were right), many folks contemplate what they want to BE in the new year.

I want to BE happy. I want to BE fit. I want to BE wealthy. I want BE in a new home. I want to BE in a good relationship. I want to BE at a great job. I want to BE at the beach. I want to BE with my grandchildren. I want to BE independent. I want to BE free. I want to BE confident. I want to BE lively. I want to BE bold. I want to BE backstage with Bon Jovi.

I hear many statements from my clients and most include that word BE.

What do all the phrases we post on our walls and fridges say: BE happy. BE creative. Be thankful. BE nice to everyone you meet. BE grateful everyday. BE true to who you are. BE in this moment. BE the change you wish to see in the world.

BE.

Be is a verb. That means it is something you DO. The origins of the word BE: “Middle English, from Old English bēon; akin to Old High German bim am, Latin fui I have been, futurus about to be, fieri to become, be done, Greek phynai to be born, be by nature.”

About to BE. To BEcome. To BE born. BE by nature. If you want to BE happy, then do it.  Become it. Let it BE your nature. If you want to BE bold, then do it. Become it. Let it be your nature.

BE is defined as “to equal in meaning.” Be happy. The be is equal in meaning to the happy. Thus to be happy, you are happy. Maybe I can say it another way: What you be, is what you is.

If you want to be in a good relationship, get out of the bad one or make it good. If you want to be in a good job, get out of the bad one or make this one good. Be requires do.

Synonyms for BE are breathe, exist, live.

I breathe happy. I exist happy. I live happy. That’s how you get to the state of being. Are you with me?

If you desire to be bold, breathe bold, exist bold, live bold. If you desire to be bold, you can keep sitting on the couch watching American Idol and never going out to an open mic night yourself. To be, you must do.

If you want to be wealthy, breathe wealthy, exist wealthy, live wealthy. That means taking notice and giving appreciation for all the ways you already are wealthy. That means you see yourself as wealthy and more wealth comes to fruition, all kinds of wealth – relationships, finances, ideas. I have a wealth of ideas and that leads to my wealth of finances. I have a wealth of connections and that leads to my wealth of finances. See how it works?

What do you want to BE? Breathe it, exist it, live it. Now.