Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 15

The new rule book is no rule book

I can’t eat a sandwich unless I have chips.

Well, I can. I just don’t want to. I don’t make myself a PBJ or a grilled cheese if there are no chips in the house. It’s a self-imposed rule based upon my preference. I can’t watch a movie without popcorn. Of course I can. It’s another self-imposed “rule.” Those rules that I make for myself are A-okay. In fact, the only rules that matter are the ones we make for ourselves.

It’s time to make yourself a personalized rule book. We humans operate under “rules” all the time. Usually they are society-imposed. Boy babies wear blue, girl babies wear pink. Little boys have short hair and little girls have long hair. Even now, in our modern era, guys with long hair get a second glance with raised eyebrows. And if a woman gets to be “too old” she shouldn’t wear her hair long. “She’s trying to look young.”

Argh.

Our society rules that boys like girls and girls like boys. And when boys and girls like each other, they should be married. When I divorced, I remember thinking how silly it was that I should feel uncomfortable going to functions solo. We are a couple-oriented and a marriage-oriented society. And a straight-couple one at that. Rules. Ugh.

The rule book says you have turkey and stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner. You can’t have Thanksgiving Breakfast by the way. That’s a violation. Also, mashed potatoes have to have gravy.  I like my potatoes with butter, lots and lots of real butter. Call me a rule breaker.

Yes, rules have their purpose. I’m all for order and civility. I also believe in my heart of hearts that if we each lived according to our heart of hearts, we would have order and civility. At our core, we humans are peace loving souls. If I express my joy living with my rule book, and you express your joy living with your rule book, we would exist in harmony.

My mashed potatoes sans gravy does not upset the balance of order in the world. Me following the beat of my drummer, writing, speaking and coaching, does not upset the balance of order in the world. Me listening to my internal guidance, my rule book, enhances the world.

The rule book of society is full of “shoulds.” You should get a “real job.” You should have kids. You should buy a house. You should buy a dependable car. You should stay married. You should wear sensible shoes.

All of those are wonderful things and I have willingly obliged. I also felt the tug of resistance when I decided to make some rules for myself. I quit that job, I got a tattoo, I left that marriage. I bought a fun little car. I took trips alone. I eat spinach on pizza.

Making my rules has opened my world. Me living from my “happy place” empowers others to do the same. You doing your art. You planting your garden. You writing your book. You playing your dulcimer. You singing your song. You playing hockey. You teaching children how to hopscotch. You calculating the necessary amount of force for rocket propulsion. You researching human genes. You making a better mousetrap.

You doing your thing, in your unique way, with your rule book makes the world better. Your world, my world, our world. Creating our own joy rule book is the way to heal this planet. You having fun sharing your expertise. Me having fun sharing my expertise. Any objections?

You follow your heart. You do your joy. You bring your energy to the world in your unique way.  I do the same. So do you, and you, and you. We all do, and we all create the whole. A balanced, happy, peaceful joyful whole.

Those who play by the rule book of “shoulds” do so because that is the only way they know. Updating the playbook seems new and scary. Understood. Why not give it a chance? You can go always go back to your “safe” way of operating; you’ve got nothing to lose.

It may sound radical and unruly, yet look at me. Am I so scary? I follow my joy and I teach to listen to your Inner Voice. Those that do find joy and lightness. No one has gone screaming into the night, looting, setting things on fire, or doing anything not in the greater good.

When we tap into ourselves, our desires really are for our joy and the bigger picture joy. Everyone I work with wants to bring joy to others, to use their gifts to help people. By making our own rules and losing the “shoulds,” we open up to healing. Our own and that of others.

My rule book says it’s okay for you to use whatever rule book works for you. If the old one is still your security, so be it. Bit by bit, you see what works for you, and what no longer resonates. You choose. Let your joy unfold.

As for me. I’m going to make a sandwich. With chips.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – fall in the midwest

Fall is a magical time of year.  The air is different. Do you feel it?

Go outside right now and breathe deep. Well, I guess I’m talking to you that live in climates that have the fall. My son in Arizona has a different version of fall. The three-digit temps fall back down to two and the mornings are cool. So even in the desert, there is a change that is welcomed.

Here in the Midwest, fall is often the favorite season for many residents. We love the change in temperature and humidity, we love the changing colors of the leaves, and we love the blazing sunsets.

We also love the fall sports of apple picking, pumpkin launching, and scarecrow making. (If you thought I was going to say football, you’ve got the wrong girl.)

Take a wander around your community this autumn. Notice how the sky looks bluer against the bright hues of the leaves. Notice how the fall flowers pop brilliantly against their backdrops. Notice how the little animals are scampering about like this time of year is heaven on earth.

Sometimes we say The Fall because that what it is, a grand falling of leaves. Some people lament the emptying of the trees and despair the nakedness of winter. Don’t let your mind go there just yet.

Right now, delight in the autumn leaves with the maturity of an adult who awes at the color landscape and with the playfulness of a child who awes at the crunch of leaves underfoot. Go for a walk and deliberately crunch the leaves. Notice the feel. Notice the sound. Does it not make you smile?

If you have a yard that requires raking, rake the leaves into the biggest pile you can. Yes, jump in it. At least run through it. Crunch, crunch, crunch it. A few more minutes of raking it back up is worth the tiny thrill of unleashing your inner child.

If you have kids or neighbor kids, have a bit of silly fun. Bury a kid in the leaf pile and then go get your spouse to help you bag up the leaves or put them on the tarp. Let the kid rumble up out of the leaves and give your partner a startle. A little bit of silly goes a long way.

If you have walnuts like I do in my yard, turn that into a game. Have a contest to see who can collect the most in their bucket. Younger kids fall for this one every time. Or do the Walnut Toss. We have an area of woods that we can toss and leave. Just throwing the walnuts is a great stress reliever. If you have to gather up yours, put a bucket in the middle of the yard and see who makes the most in the bucket.

If yard chores take a little longer, but are more enjoyable in the process, I’d say that’s worth it.

If you have folks who have left the area and miss the fall, send them a leaf in the mail. Seriously, they will get a kick out of it. Send them apple cider donuts and they will really love you.

My son’s roommate was born and raised in the desert. He had no idea what the deal with donuts was. He is now a believer.

When you see the leaves turn and fall, and you start to feel the moaning of “winter is coming,” stop. Breathe deep. Right here, right now, it’s fall. It’s beautiful. It’s magical. Make the magic last a little longer. Go play.

Listen to the strange pull inside of you and let it guide you

Here’s a Rumi quote I recently posted on my Facebook page: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”

I can rephrase that to simply say listen to your heart. If you tap into what your heart is telling you, it will not lead you astray.

I often call it the inner voice, or IV for short. My IV is my lifeline and every time I listen to it, and let it lead me, it has always been the right choice.

Our IV is our higher self, our divine guidance. It is the voice of what you love, what you are wired to do. It is not a whiny, selfish voice saying go sit on the couch and watch television and eat ice cream. Well, maybe it is. If so, then do it. I promise you what the voice is telling you is that you need to take a break and do something restful and enjoyable.

After you take a pause, listen to your inner voice again. I am pretty sure it won’t tell you that you are meant to live out your entire life doing nothing but watching television and eating ice cream.

When you let yourself be pulled by what you really love, you will feel joy. You will feel a calm, along with excitement, and yes, there may be a little fear. Sometimes it seems scary to “be real.”

I admit I was a nervous bird when I first submitted a column to an editor and asked her to give me a try. (Thanks, Mel! Eternally grateful!). I was scared to try something new and different, and expose myself in that way. Yet I was drawn to writing. It was a strange pull, and yet I loved it. I still do.

Writing has not led me astray. It has led me to all that I have now, all that I am now.

Many people share similar stories. How many kids enter college thinking they will major in X, and yet when they let themselves be drawn to what is pulling at them from the inside, they change their major to Y or Z or leave college and pursue something altogether different.

Our world is better because of the inventions and creations of those who let themselves be pulled by what they really love. Our lives are better because of the people who decide they will do what brings them joy.

From the gardener to the baker to the teacher to the dentist to the guy who invents clever make-life-easier stuff to the parent who switches jobs to have more time with their kids to the farmer to the entrepreneur to the high powered business movers and shakers, we need them all. We appreciate them all.

I know people who at first felt a little nutty that they were pulled into their particular professions, and yet they let themselves be drawn by the strange pull of what they really loved. A realtor. A lawyer. An accountant. A writer. An artist. A comedian. A coach.

No regrets. Some jitters, some nerves, some hard work, yet none led astray.

What is the strange pull inside of you? Take some time to get quiet and listen. It will not lead you astray.

“Life is like a five-pointed star” and other bits of college wisdom

Having college boys is fun. (Yes, I know. I have lamented the empty nest syndrome more than once in my space here.) I find myself sharing little pithy nuggets of momlove via chats, whether in person, on the phone, or text message. My drops of wisdom make me smile, regardless of how they receive them.

Texting makes my list of joys. Being able to communicate with them on any level is a joy. If a boy is in the library studying, he can “talk” via text. If a boy does not want his buddies to know that he’s chatting with his mommy (frankly, I don’t think my guys gives a rip there), no one knows with whom a person is texting.

I just got back from a visit with BoyWonder#1 and I loved seeing his maturity and his appreciation. He’s a smart kid and I want to see him mature into a wise man. (He can be a wise guy, no doubt about that.) I love our conversations and his opinions and how he expresses his outlook.

BoyWonder#2 is also a smart kid and his personality enjoys more sharing of what he has going on day-to-day. I communicate with him daily. His brother finds it sufficient to chat once a week. I respect both.

Younger son received pep talk from me as he was preparing for a presentation. When it was over, he said it could have gone better but it was okay. I replied: You don’t have to be perfect to be good. And there is no such thing as perfect. Smiley face.

That was wisdom learned from Prince Charming when I commented to him after one of my own speaking engagements that I had felt a little off; it could have gone smoother. He informed me that I don’t have to be at my best to be good. I liked that. That has resonated and stuck with me.

My latest batch of cookies may not be my best, but they are still pretty darn good. Every single column I write to you may not be my best, but still have good stuff. Every athlete knows that you may not play your best every game, but it still can be good.

YoungerWonder was feeling okay about his day. He then commented that he was to have his first dodgeball game that night. That brought me joy. His older brother had put the fear of college workload in him so I was delighted that my son had signed up for intramural fun. It is my belief that college is hard work and tons of social fun. I want both my sons to achieve that balance.

I texted him: You are living life right my dear. Work play eat sleep love.

Those five words are my advice for us all. Life is a five-pointed star. Work. Play. Eat. Sleep. Exercise. Those are my five points. The whole star is filled in with love.

Work, eat, sleep are self-explanatory. Exercise is something physical for your body. It may be your play. Play can also be any kind of hobby that may or may not involve physical exertion. Maybe it’s reading a book for pleasure. Writing poetry or journaling. Any kind of artsy, crafty something. Doing anything creative. Travel. Whatever lights you up. Whatever refuels you.

The image of the star works for me. It may not be the best visual I’ve ever come up with it, but it’s good.

Now I think I’ll bake some brownies to send college boys.

Licking batteries and other blasts from the past

The other day I had to replace a battery in a clock. We were out of AA batteries, but I remember seeing one downstairs by my son’s television. Since my sons never throw anything away, I assumed it was a dead battery, but I had to try it anyway.

I debated giving it the tongue test. I had vague memories of licking batteries to see if they still had any juice in them. I couldn’t recall if this method was fact or fiction so I opted to simply put it in the clock and see if it started ticking. I was right. My son simply had not thrown away a dead battery.

My curiosity got the better of me and I went online to look up “licking batteries.” It cracked me up to even type such a thing, but that is the way of our new Google world.

The lick test would not have been an indicator for me. I would have experienced what a dirty battery tastes like, but that would be it. If you lick a AA, AAA, C or D battery, nothing will happen because your tongue won’t touch both positive and negative terminals. That’s what makes the magic happen.

If you are going to lick a battery, it has to be a 9-volt battery because they have both charges on one end. As kids, we must have done it, because a tinny, metallic taste appeared in my memory.

My research informed me that the “charge” you get is from the current passing between the terminals across one’s wet tongue. It doesn’t actually enter your body. There is no danger in licking a 9-volt, and I read about one preschool teacher doing it with four year olds. They even had a mom there washing the batteries between licks so the kids didn’t share their germs.

My brain started pulling up other long last “facts.” Remember the one about you can’t go swimming right after eating?

Many moms lived by the rule that you had to wait 30 minutes (or an hour) before going back into the water. If you want your kids to do other things, fine, but if the reason was that it was somehow “unsafe” to go play in the water after eating, there is no fact behind that myth.

The theory is that people believed you had to give your body time to digest the food in order to have the strength to swim. The scientific evidence is that the body can process your lunch and you will still have enough oxygen flowing to keep your muscles strong.

The other “rule” that came to mind was no snacking before dinner, it will ruin your appetite. If I lived by that one, I would be Crabby Abby come supper time. A snack to stave off the hunger helps metabolism and mood. And I eat my dinner just fine.

Okay, answers solved. Licking a double-A battery does nothing, you can swim after eating, and a small snack can be a good thing. I didn’t have any 9-volt batteries in the house so I can’t tell you if I would licked or not. I think I would have. I do know that it’s time for a snack. And then maybe a swim. Any other questions, ask me. Or Google. And if you lick a battery, tell me what it tastes like.

Joyful Driver on Life’s Highway (Or what I learned at traffic school)

Many moons ago I got a speeding ticket. To keep the ticket off my record, I went to the assigned driver safety class. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. I vowed to never speed again.

Well, I recently got a ticket for driving 44 in a 30 mph zone. This particular road changes speed zones every few blocks and I thought I was in a 40 range. I thought wrong. Dang.

This time I signed up for the online version of the safety course. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. I will never speed again.

What frustrated me is that the computer reads each page to me and I cannot advance to the next screen until the very slow voice has finished. My impatient self screamed that I could be done with these lessons in one hour instead of four if I could go at my pace.

Alas, the penalty for speeding is not only a fine, it is also a lesson in self-management. So I settled in for the ride. I learned some stats on driver safety and I learned to relax. I can’t force the computer to read faster. It is me who can adjust.

I started to scribble down some of the analogies driving has with life. How much better driving and life could be if we all simply paid attention and showed courtesy. How a good driver creates a stress free driving space in and around your vehicle. Yes, I teach that a joyful person creates a calm space in and around themselves as well.

Reports show that drivers who get in accidents or get a ticket usually are full of excuses, excuses, excuses. A good driver does not blame. A joyful person does not blame and learns to take life with a no excuses approach. It really is very freeing.

The safety course uses the term “defensive driver” and I understand that. The language police in me chooses to say that the best defense is a good offense. I do not go through life on the defensive, with my guard up. So for my joyful purposes, I will change defensive driver to joyful driver.

The joyful driver is driving to save lives, time, and money in spite of conditions around you and actions of others. Amen. Living a joyful life means we do so even if we have challenging situations or people in our lives. We do not let them take the wheel.

A joyful driver and a joyful person understands that in driving and in life, there is no “front of the line.” We are not competing to get anywhere first. If some guys cuts you off, so be it. That’s his issue. Most likely he was simply not paying attention. Remember, if we all simply paid attention, the world would be a different place.

The safety course used the example of a doctor performing surgery. We would not tolerate a doctor reading the newspaper or texting while in the operating room. Whatever we are doing, be it surgery, driving, or having a conversation with a loved one, we can be present to that moment. The phone can wait. Present moment awareness is important in driving and adds so much joy to life.

The course was full of nuggets. “It’s a personal choice every time you get behind the wheel.” Indeed. It’s a personal choice every day when you wake up how you are going to enter the day, how you are going to operate, how you are going to create the day ahead of you.

“Don’t worry about the behavior of other drivers.” Oh my goodness. When you can stop fretting about what others do, your life will open in ways you never realized. You cannot control the actions of others, no matter how much you worry about them, how much you love them, or how much you despise them.

“Be patient. Ignore the honking driver behind you.” This is your journey. You are playing your way, with hope, love, joy and dreams. You are riding down the highway of life, experiencing and discovering. Some people won’t understand that. They still think there is a finish line ahead and they will get a prize for getting there first.

The prize is right here, today, right now.

When you do have a moment of feeling flustered, the driver commission says to regain control, you can reflect, reframe, refocus. Take a moment to catch your breath. Reflect on your desires for your life. If you took a wrong turn, no big deal. Get going again and correct your path. The detours usually provide great learning opportunities. You get back on track, wiser and more certain that this is the way you want to go.

“You have the power! The only person who can control your behavior behind the wheel is you. Other drivers may make you mad, but only you have the power to make your own decisions.”

I give that a hell yes! Other people may ruffle your feathers, but YOU HAVE THE POWER OVER YOU! The only person who can control you is you. A joyful driver and a joyful person understand that every choice is theirs to make. No excuses. No blame. No worries.

This is my life and I get to choose how and where I drive. I get to choose my attitude and my destination and my route. I get to choose my traveling companions. And I get to choose to enjoy the ride!

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If you want a different kind of “joyful driver” course, Kelly’s 21-day JOY JUMPSTART is enrolling now!

Consider all the little moments to make your life’s highlight reel

Life is indeed made up of the small moments. A happy life is a string of happy moments. Sure, there are sad moments, challenging moments, and maybe some angry moments, but the moments you choose to hold on to are the composition of your life.

At the end of the day, what moments do you relive? Do you rehash the guy cutting you off on your way to work? Do you replay an unpleasant conversation? Or do you smile and remember the butterfly alighting on the bush outside your window?

Do you notice the happy moments as they occur? I work from home and my office window has a view of a tree with a hole in it, like the Keebler elf tree. I watch the squirrels and chipmunk scamper and chase each other. I hear the wind chimes blowing from the porch. The tone makes me think of European church bells. I hear birds having conversations. It delights me.

I also get frustrated when technology doesn’t work. I also feel pressure to get all my work done by deadline. I have the normal challenges that we all face. At the end of the day, I choose to acknowledge what I did accomplish, and I share the stories of what delighted me, not what annoyed me.

What do you share with those around you? Your joys or your petty grievances?

Watching my son walk across the stage to receive his diploma tonight is a big moment, certainly, but all the small moments are what sticks with me.

He left me a chocolate surprise on my computer with a sticky note. That’s a moment I treasure just as much as the cap and gown moment.

The little moments of unexpected smiles. The little moments of silliness. The little moments of serious talks that just happen. We cannot plan the moments. We plan the big events, the graduation parties, the weddings, the whatevers, yet memories are in the moments.

Moments of sharing. Moments of insight. Moments of humor.

We can look to others for their inspiration, yet not everyone is going to win American Idol or get Olympic gold. A Super Bowl win is a wonderful moment, but what about all the moments that led up to that point?

Consider if this life were treated like a spectator sport with color commentary from the announcers up in the booth. The name of this game is A Joy Filled Life. What moments would be recalled? What is your highlight reel?

We just compiled a slide show for graduating boy, and the memories, the laughs, the smiles, were small moments, not grand accomplishments.

Start to think on all the little moments that have contributed to your happy life.

No matter what happened to that boy from ninth grade, that first kiss was a moment. Can you recall the first time you held hands? Wedding Day moments are priceless, yes, but all the moments of a courtship are treasured and tucked away in our heart files.

The moments of raising kids are the daily stuff, not the grand birthday parties. That’s life, the daily stuff. Each day is nothing but moment followed by moment followed by moment.

What moments do you hold on to? Do you count how many diapers you changed or how many smiles happened?

It’s time for me to eat lunch. I’ll eat my PBJ and chips on the front deck and watch the trees blow. Is that a big moment? Maybe not to you, but for me, it is. One more in the string of happy life.

Breeze of contentment

It’s hot today. The breeze is blowing in the window and instead of shutting myself off from that to turn on the air conditioning, I turn on the ceiling fan.

When the humidity strikes later this summer, I will be grateful for A/C. Today I am grateful for the winds that flutter the curtains and the sound the rustling leaves make. I like watching the branches take their turns swaying as the air swirls through the yard. It is warm air, but it’s moving.

When the air is still and hot with no movement, that’s when I will be delighting in the comfort of air conditioning. What a difference movement makes.

It made me think of my life. Sometimes things are less than comfortable, yet as long as things are moving, I feel fine. When I feel stagnant or stifled, that’s when I notice the longing for a breeze.

Do you ever feel stuck in a rut? Like the winds of change are not blowing, and instead you are standing in a hot oven?

Those are the days you need to do a quick review. As much as I believe in not holding on to the past, looking back can be helpful.

How will you realize how far you’ve come if you never take stock of it?

We journey on through life often not paying attention to all the hills we’ve climbed, or not giving ourselves high fives for the climb.

It’s a matter of reframing. If you look back and think of it as troubles, trials, and hardships and suffering, and you wail and moan that life is so hard, that won’t feel so great. You will feel like you are baking in the desert.

Instead if you can take a look in the rear view mirror and see all the terrain that you have covered and be grateful for where you are now, you will feel that cool breeze to refresh you.

Take a glance back to say, wow, look at all I’ve conquered. Look at what all I have done thus far in my life. Look at what all I have learned. Look at the roads I have traveled to get me to here.

That feels good.

Give yourself credit for your accomplishments, big and small. Isn’t every day an accomplishment?

Even if you are someone who thrives on the sameness of life, and that brings you comfort, you can still look back at the past year and be amazed at how far you have come.

Have you met any new people that you found interesting? Even if it was a five minute conversation and you never saw that person again, that person contributed something to your life.

Have you read anything this past year that stimulated some thinking? Have you heard a new song that you love? Have you watched a movie that inspired or delighted you?

You don’t have to be a world traveler to broaden your horizons. Simply observing the right here right now is a wonderful teacher.

The breeze is blowing. Do you feel it? It does not have to be a wind of change, it can be a wind of contentment. Say thanks either way.

Tonight when you go to bed, you will turn on the AC or open the windows, to suit your comfort. Maybe you will have a fan blowing at the foot of your bed. Don’t gripe that it is hot air. Whisper a thanks for air movement, and that you are part of it, for one more day.

When does a person officially become “old”? Never.

Old is in the eye of the beholder. There’s no set age that determines one officially “old.” My age range definition of old pushed back with every year that I aged.

When I was in grade school, I watched the high schoolers walking down my street with their arms full of fat text books. Man, I thought they were old. I also thought high schoolers were too old for bubble gum.

Of course, when I was in high school, chewing bubble gum, I thoughts people in college or working jobs were old. Then it became people who owned houses or had babies. When I reached that, old was people 50 and up.

Fifty is only a few years off for me and I’m just hitting my stride. What the heck is old anyway?

The dictionary says old means having lived for a long time; no longer young. Well, if that’s how you put it, I’ll be old. I would like to continue living, that’s the main thing. For a long time; that’s good too.

The thesaurus suggests old is elderly, up in years, or aged. Long in the tooth. No spring chicken. Over the hill.

I have no idea what tooth length has to do with anything. Do teeth grow? I don’t know a spring chicken from a summer chicken, and over the hill sounds like a good thing to me. Who wants to be always climbing?

The thesaurus does not have a shortage of words for the adjective old. Senior. That’s not offensive, I guess. Gray-haired. I know people in their twenties who are gray so that one seems biased to me. Past one’s prime. Ahh, now we get triggered.

Past one’s prime. Who determines that? There’s no expiration date for creativity or productivity or fun. There’s no Old Police who haul you away after a certain birthday to lock you in the land of Past Your Prime. You don’t get a badge that says Officially Old.

We slap the label old on many things, including ourselves. Old is too nondescript and open ended. Old is too subjective. Something may be worn out and not old. Something may be out of style and not old. Something may be informal and not old.

If you catch yourself saying, “I’m too old for that,” you are simply saying you don’t want to do it. It has nothing to do with age; it’s an excuse for a way out.

I also joke and say that now I like to watch the birds and squirrels and chipmunks play, I am officially old. It’s simply a matter of what I pay attention to. Toddlers like to watch the animals scamper. We don’t call them old.

When I was little girl, I thought my grandmother was old. She volunteered at the nursing home, talking care of what she called the old people. She didn’t think she was old.

What’s your age? How do you feel? Do you still like to eat? Do you still enjoy activities or hobbies of any kind? Do you still like to engage in lively conversation? Then you are not old yet.

We all know vibrant, active folks in their eighties and beyond. Older than someone else does not mean old.

The definition reads “no longer young.” Not many people would truly want to be young again. Older and wiser is often true. Being enthusiastic and optimistic has nothing to do with young and old.

Instead of old, have fun with terms like established or time-honored or vintage. And remember, you’re never too old for bubble gum.

The Secret to Success and Joy is to do it scared

I started on my path to joy in May 2001 when I submitted a few personal essays to my local paper. My weekly column is now in all kinds of papers in all kinds of places.

That step of putting myself out there has led to where I am now. Believe me, I was chicken. I emailed my writings at midnight when the world was asleep and no one knew what I was up to. Oh, the fears we harbor.

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of what others think.

I’ve come so far in my journey since then. My writing led to becoming a speaker. The first time, I was scared speechless. Literally. My first speaking gig was a train wreck, and yet now I speak in front of hundreds to great response and absolutely love it.

Taking these steps, and doing it scared, has taught me so much. We never really “get over” our fears. We simply learn to keep moving through them.

Every step I’ve taken with my business has evidenced that. In addition to writing and speaking, I’m now a life and business coach. I work with women who want to learn how to tap into their joy and take their lives to the next level.

I had tons of great content to share, yet when I first offered my online life mastery program, I was scared that no one would sign up. I did it scared, and sign up they did.

I’ve done it several times now and the results clients report cause me tears of joy. If I had held myself back because I was too chicken, I would not be feeling the joy of helping these women see their own beauty and letting their lights shine in the world.

As I face new opportunities, fears still pop up. Now I have the tools and confidence that I can try new things and the earth is not going to open up and swallow me. If I fail or if I succeed or I get embarrassed or if someone thinks I’m wacky, the world keeps spinning. We don’t fall off. We just keep learning and growing.

Now I know the secret to my success is to do it scared. I still get nervous doing radio or television, but I move through the fear. I get a little better every time.

It’s a little like writing a book. I have three of my own, and have written seventeen books for others. Yet in the middle of each project, I get overwhelmed and the task seems daunting.

I’ve figured out that my fear is not that I won’t finish the book. It’s the fear of the finished product and putting it out there. I am by far my own worst critic. So I remind myself that every single client has loved their end result. One book I wrote sold 3 million copies.

You would think I’d be over my fears, but they still show up from time to time. I think it’s human nature.

Realizing that we are not alone in these fears takes some of the bite out. When you are able to act even when feeling like a scaredy cat, that’s when you are able to break through. The path entices you to another step forward. Step by step, scared or not, leads to amazing joy. I’m living proof. My clients are living proof.

Whatever it is that you are holding yourself back from, take a step. Don’t chide yourself for feeling afraid. Simply do it scared. The world won’t swallow you. I promise.