Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 19

Amp Up Your Gratitude Practice

For those who have been reading the joy letter, attended one of my joy programs, or worked with me, you know I believe in the power of gratitude. The first thing I teach is the joy journal, which is a place to list the things you are thankful for. We use the joy journal in other ways too, but it all starts with gratitude.

Feeling grateful doesn’t always come automatically. That’s why you make it a practice. Training your brain to look for the good makes you feel better, plain and simple. There is  scientific proof to back it up, but the real proof for me is how I feel and what happens in my life.

Every week, I recount a few of my gratitudes, my joys, here in this ezine. Last December, we published a book that shared readers’ joys. Every day I begin and end my day with gratitude. I say thank you in between too.

If you want to take your gratitude practice to another level, I will share a couple methods that are in the book, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. My life is magical and it is so because I am grateful. (I just typed greatfull. That works too.)

Every morning before you begin your day, write down ten things that you are grateful for, and use the format: I am truly grateful for ___________ because ____________.

This little extra step of writing the WHY you are thankful for your dog, boyfriend, spouse, garbage man, running water, flip flops, tiki torches, window cleaner, sparkling white wine, emery boards, tooth picks, Harry Potter, roller coasters, rose bushes, dandelions, root beer floats, pens that write on the first try, a comfy mattress, glue, extra large font, Polaroid cameras, Dick Clark, sugar free chewing gum, sticky notes, pedicures, popsicles, candied pecans, index cards, or holding hands really deepens and solidifies the feeling of gratitude in you.

You could probably write ten or ten thousands reasons why you love your pet or partner. Just pick one. Maybe include your dog or mate everyday in your gratitudes.

I am truly grateful for emery boards because I love my nails smooth.

That little extra “because” amps up my gratitude. When you can think of the reasons why you are thankful, it expands the feeling in your heart.

Many people are thankful for air conditioning this summer. I am truly grateful for AC because it allows me to sleep comfortably.

Start your day with ten gratitude sentences and then read each one (silently or aloud) and say Thank you, thank you, thank you. This practice each morning takes me ten minutes.

At the end of each day, when you put your head on the pillow, ask yourself: What was the best thing that happened today?

This question gets your brain running through all the good stuff that came your way. You start to remember little things that occurred throughout the day. That was good; that was good; that was good; that was good…. Trying to pick the “best” moment allows you to dwell in all the good, and that is a grand way to drift off to sleep.

Again, studies prove that gratitude before bed (NOT the news) makes a huge difference in health and well being.

These two ways of bookending your day with gratitude makes the entire day in between feel lighter and brighter. Give it two weeks (for maximum results, give it 28 days) and see how you feel. It takes 21 days to make a habit. Making gratitude a habit actually rewires your brain. That to me is also something to be grateful for!

One last tip to share with you today. Before you start your day, imagine each thing you have going on that day. Imagine it going smoothly. Say thank you for each event or activity going well. Your day will indeed go smoother with less bumps and bruises, and you will be amazed at the increase in energy and productivity,

I kid you not. Give it a whirl and report back.

I am truly grateful for YOU because you let me be me, and that is the ultimate joy.

“PLAY TIME”

Play is important. If you don’t believe me, perhaps you will take it to heart from these fellows:

“Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.”

Stuart Brown, MD, Contemporary American psychiatrist

“It is a happy talent to know how to play.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American writer

“Life must be lived as play.”

Plato, Greek philosopher

Do you live your life as play? Most of us don’t. We get caught in the trap called “maturity.” We’re taught that growing up means we must give up our giggles. Yet, who do you most like to spend time around? People who laugh and have fun! People who play!

Many adults “play” sports, sure, but the emphasis there is on competition, bragging rights, and “staying in shape.” I’m talking about unorganized running around the yard in your sheet/towel/magic cape and believing in your super powers. Haven’t done that lately, have you?

When is the last time you saw a gang of neighborhood parents and kids out in the yard just playing for fun? Usually if you see an adult and a child tossing a ball around, they are “working” on improving the youngster’s game, not out there just for fun.

We think we need to teach the kids, yet we need to learn from them how to play. Simple silliness. Playing for the sake of enjoyment and nothing else.

Certainly kids are learning as they play. Building blocks, puzzles, etc are a form of learning, exploration, and discovery, yet they learn through experimenting with no pressure. When is the last time you allowed yourself to experiment with no pressure?

We adults tend to be hard on ourselves. If you showed up at work and the boss said we are all going to finger paint today, many folks would freak out. Who would just roll up their sleeves and dip their fingers in the paint and start making swirls on the paper? Who would wait and see what others were doing and compare themselves? Who would silently tell themselves that they cannot paint?

The best way to silence your own inner critic is to practice at it. Get out a piece of paper and start to draw. Or color. Or paint. Draw anything. Now look it. Did you automatically start to mock yourself or put yourself down? Did you tell yourself you’re no Picasso? (Have you ever looked at a Picasso? I bet you could do that.)

Now look at your work of art again and simply say, “That was fun.”

Last summer at a Happiness Club meeting, we played. Color books and crayons and markers. Lollipops and bubbles, with our bubble gum and the water/soapy kind. We talked about childhood games that we loved. It was a delightful evening and some participants stopped at the store to buy play supplies on their way home.

The first summer of Happiness Club, I gave the assignment to swing. The pure delight that comes from swinging is unmatched. Some therapy centers are building playgrounds for troubled youth to have a place to play that is safe space to heal. If you are ever in a funk, go to the nearest playground for some swinging therapy. Odds are you will be in a much better mood.

My Prince Charming delights in play. One of my wedding gifts to him were three banners that said Be, Breathe, Play. He is a great example for me to silence my inner critic. We break out the paints and dabble. We write poetry together for comic relief on road trips. We sit and watch the clouds float by.

The creative juices get flowing and it’s F-U-N.

We don’t need kids around to play in the water, watch a “kid” movie, or concoct an amazing ice cream creation. I’m debating if I should surprise him with a slip-n slide or one of those wacky sprinklers that wiggle all over. (Either the neighbors will think we’re nutty or they will come on over join us.)

Being willing to try with no pressure is freeing. We are taking a stained glass workshop and we are going to try our hand (mouths?) at glass blowing. The aim is not perfection, the goal is to play.

When is the last time you allowed yourself any play time? Going to the gym does not count, unless you played jump rope, went down the water slide, and played hopscotch. Have you ever bought yourself art supplies or a squirt gun or sidewalk chalk? When is the last time you spread your arms like you had wings and could soar? Do you let yourself day dream?

Your joy assignment: Pick one thing that appeals to you and go to the dollar store and get it. Next week, spend some time playing. Go back to your youth of marbles or building a house with a deck of cards. Write notes on the sidewalk: Looking good today! Get a nerf gun and set up target practice.

Whatever strikes your fancy, just play. Just like when the kids play, you are learning too. You are learning about you. Have fun with it.

“Those who play rarely become brittle in the face of stress.”

Stuart Brown, MD, Contemporary American psychiatrist

Are You A Fantast?

Dictionary.com’s word of the day today was “fantast” and this self-professed word nerd didn’t know it was a word. Fantast is a noun, and means visionary or a dreamer. Fantastic!

Are you a fantast? Do you fantasize? Is life a fantasy?

We have a Mirror, Mirror type chalkboard in our foyer upon which we write quotes and our own sayings that tickle our fancy. Last week Prince Charming chalked “Welcome to our real life fantasy.”

Psychic.

My husband is indeed a fantast.

Fantasy is defined as the creative imagination; unrestrained fancy. Fantasy is a product of the imagination, particularly one that is extravagant.

People often think a fantasy is something that is not real, perhaps impossible, or at least improbable.

My life was first a product of my imagination and now I’m living it. It’s real. I don’t see it as extravagant. I do work that I love in surroundings that I love with a man that I love. If that’s extravagance, I’ll take it. I don’t see it as lavish or excess. I see it as wonderful. A real life fantasy.

If something is fantastic, it simply means that it is imaginative or fanciful.

Delving further into the dictionary, Imaginative is defined as having or showing creativity or inventiveness. Fanciful is defined as overimaginative and unrealistic.

So fantastic is imaginative and overimaginative at the same time? Jeepers, who writes these definitions? Someone fearful of using their imagination perhaps.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary states that a fantast (my spellchecker does not recognize the word either) is one who indulges in fantasies and daydreaming.

It is my wish that we all become fantasts.

Please, indulge in fantasies. The world is a better place because of those who indulged in their daydreams. Henry Ford was a fantast. The Wright Brothers. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. The guy who invented the washing machine. Whoever fantasized about Laffy Taffy.

I propose a toast to the fantasts! If not for the unrestrained fancy of folks, we would have no movies, no music, no magic.  We would have no appliances, no indoor toilets, no electricity. All in favor of fantasts, raise your hand high!

Some people may shy away from a fantast. Thesaurus.com provides the definition of fantastic as strange, different; imaginary and gives a list of synonyms with mixed connotations. Fantastic may be substituted with absurd, crazy, eccentric, foolish, implausible, peculiar, odd, ridiculous, unbelievable, unlikely, unreal, and weird.

I choose to go with fantastic being a “good” thing and will choose synonyms with positive feelings like imaginative and whimsical.

If I’ve had a really amazing experience and I say it was fantastic, I mean it was crazy good.  If I say my life is fantastic, it means dreams do come true. I guess for some people that is too weird. Some people prefer to think life is hard.

I just read a blurb from a psychology professor who stated is happy, and happy to be happy, and makes no apologies for being happy. He said: I see no sense or reason to be unhappy. Not that there is anything wrong with unhappiness, but neither is there anything wrong with being happy.

My hat is off to that fantast. Many people today seem to think that being happy is peculiar or unlikely. I think that a creative imagination, a fantasy, is available to all of us. My fantasy is to be happy, and I am. Fantasies don’t have to be unobtainable. They only have to be dreamable.

Your joy assignment today is to write down the word fantast and its definition, visionary or dreamer.

Then write your name.

Start to use your creative imagination to picture your real life fantasy. What do you want? Can’t it be as simple as doing work that you love in surroundings you love with a mate or friends/family you love?

Forget about words and definitions.

Indulge in your daydreams.

Start to picture it now. Be crazy and eccentric. Think about what is fantastic for you. Send me your thoughts. This is how it starts. Soon, you will be living your own real life fantasy. And I say that’s fantastic!

Toot Your Horn!

Have you ever been told that you need to toot your own horn? Or have you been told that tooting your own horn is a negative thing?

Bragging and boasting is not my meaning here. I find that women rarely do so. Most women hide their accomplishments and talents. Most women deflect compliments. Most women do not celebrate themselves.

Are you most women? (I don’t mean to slight the fellas here. Chime in too, please.)

Do you downplay your “done goods”? Do you ever take yourself out for ice cream to celebrate anything? Do you ever take a pause and say “Hey, that went well!”?

START TODAY!

The women I work with in my joy programs and coaching develop a tool box to help them increase their happiness and cut down their stress. Some tools are tangible, like what I show in the video. A simple party horn noise maker is a power tool.

When something goes your way, you get a new client, you complete a project, you de-clutter an area of your house, you have a conversation that you have been dreading, you do anything that makes you feel good, TOOT YOUR HORN

Celebrate! Honor yourself. Take a pause and blow your own horn. That silly act feels good! Life is all about feeling good. When we live from a place of feeling good, we bring our light into the world. We live from our deep place of purpose. You don’t have to get serious and heavy to get to the core of you. You can peel away the layers that have been keeping you down by lightening up. Blow your horn!

The other way to use this power tool is to blow off steam. Stress is the biggee in our culture. When you feel yourself tensing up, grab your party horn and blow. Oh my goodness, the release you feel!

I keep my fringed horn by my computer. When I get frustrated by technical glitches and internet on the fritz, I blow. It’s like a pressure release valve and immediately I feel better. My perspective returns and I can face my challenges with new calm.

Perhaps you can keep a party horn in your workplace, at home, in the car. When you feel a bit of stress, give it a good blow. The physical act will change your internal chemicals and you will feel better. Don’t believe me? Try it.

The road to happiness is not grueling. You don’t have to sacrifice or suffer or slave away. You just have to be open to a new way of looking at life. Can you give that a whirl for a week?

Implementing new methods of dealing with challenge can be as easy as blowing a party horn.

Give yourself the gift of a noise maker. When you do something that feels good, notice it. Toot your own horn. You are deserving of a celebration. When something is stressing you out, notice it and blow it away.

I think it might be fun to simply start the day with a party horn by your bedside. When you wake up each day, think “Today is my day! Yay!” and blow your horn!

Let me know how this tool works for you! Write me on Facebook or info@kellyepperson.com to share your stories!

I celebrate you! (I’m blowing my horn!)

Are You Bold Enough to Share Your Dreams With Me?

I don’t know if Susan Boyle won that season (2009?) of Britain’s Got Talent, but I do know she became a symbol for dreams come true. Her appearance on that show made its way round the world via YouTube, and it was clear that Susan’s Got Talent.

Recently, I watched that famous clip again. When she first took the stage, the audience rolled their eyes at Susan Boyle’s dream to sing like Elaine Page, a diva darling of the UK. Their condescending attitude of “Yeah right, dream on, lady” was nipped in the bud when Susan started to sing.

Her phenomenal talent was revealed and the beauty of her voice stunned the crowd and wowed the judges. More importantly, she wowed herself. She allowed herself to dream.

Watching her in that magic moment gave me goose bumps all over again.

Susan Boyle faced her fear, took the stage, and shared her gifts. A dowdy woman who lived with her cat in a tiny village in Scotland brought a room of thousands to their feet (and to tears) with the gift of her voice. She now has recorded CDs, performed all over, including doing a duet with her favorite star Elaine Page.

Dreams do come true.

You don’t have to have a beautiful singing voice, go on television, or have “grandiose” dreams. You do have to be bold enough to dream. Whatever they may be, we all have dreams, we all have gifts.

When you get to the heart of it, our dream is to follow our heart.

That speaks to each of us in individual ways.

Have you ever voiced your dream and your well-meaning friends and family rolled their eyes and gave you that “Yeah right, dream on” reaction?

They don’t mean to hurt you. They simply don’t know any better. Most of us have been taught, one way or another, to keep our dreams to ourselves.

It doesn’t matter what your dream is, how big or how silly or how impossible it may seem. Let yourself dream it. Only then can you let yourself create a framework to make your life be a meeting of fact and what only seemed before to be fiction.

Dreams materialize often in baby steps. Do one small thing, and you will be amazed at what opens up. You will be delighted at how good and right it feels. That propels you on to the next step.

Not everyone has dreams of being a singer. Maybe your dream is to feel happy enough to sing at all.

Susan Boyle’s show stopping number, “I Dreamed A Dream,” includes the line “I dreamed my life would be so different from this hell I’m living.” Most of our lives are not exactly hell, but perhaps not the life we had planned for ourselves.

You can live the life of your dreams. I want to highlight, bold, and underline that sentence and use exclamation points! Your life can be even better than you allow yourself to envision right now.

What’s it for you? You can find a mate that understands you, believes in you, and supports you. You can get that job, start that business, achieve that goal, take that trip, have time for all you want to do.

Your life, every day, can be happy and peaceful and joyful.

Cut to the core, that is what most of us desire, peace, love and fun.

I work with women whose dreams include launching a dress line, becoming a writer, publishing a book, having a harmonious family life, being happy after loss, shifting their business to have more time for fun and family, having a fulfilled life after the kids have gone, feeling strong after divorce. I have clients who simply want organization and no more clutter.

Letting go. Losing the stress. Feeling confident again.

Isn’t that a wonderful life, a dream life – feeling calm and confident and having fun? Does that feel out of reach for you? It doesn’t have to.

Whatever it is that you want for yourself, the first step is allow yourself to dream it. I have met so many women who have settled or given up or are afraid to let themselves dream.

Is that you?

What is your ideal life? Picture it. Feel it. Jot it down.

For a dream to come true, you first have to dream it.

There are steps to take to get you there, and they are not as hard or as scary as you may think. The “hard” or “scary” part is to allow yourself to dream it.

That’s your joy assignment, the first step, dream. Grab a piece of paper and scribble what comes to your heart. You can write bullet points, you can write one sentence, you can write one word.

What is your dream?

Are you bold enough to share it with me?

It is Enough

I recently read a quote from Toni Morrison that said something about the beauty in nature is enough in itself. You don’t have to paint it or photograph it, or even remember it.

Just be in it. Just be thankful in that moment. That’s all you need to do. It is enough.

Even though I don’t have the exact words of the quote, the gist of it got to me. Be.

Breathe. Beauty.

Beauty is all around us. How often do we stop and see it? How often do we soak it in for what it is? How often do we scramble around for a camera (or our phone) instead of just reveling in the perfect moment?

I know I have often spoken the words, “Wow, I wish I had my camera.” As if the beauty of the moment is somehow diminished because I can’t take a photo of it.

Toni’s words grabbed me. The world’s Beauty is enough. Maybe I will not be able to fully describe the colors of the night sky as the sun is setting. Many times a photo doesn’t do it justice either. Have you ever said that line too? “Oh, it was so much prettier than the picture conveys.”

All that matters is that you stopped and took in that beauty. You don’t have to capture it to save it for later. Be in it now.

When we first moved into this new space, my office window view was an evergreen tree with red berries and a blue bird who frequently made visits. I didn’t paint it or photograph it. I simply smiled and thanked it, it being the natural beauty.

I love Toni Morrison’s words that you don’t even need to remember it. That’s a new concept for me. I used to think that if I don’t remember a precious moment, it is wasted.

So not true.

I don’t recall every sunset I have ever witnessed, but I know that each time I survey the evening twilight sky, I am in that moment. That is all I need. It is enough.

Instead of scurrying around, trying to find ways to remember it, just enjoy the moment.

Take in the beauty. Let it seep into your soul. You may not remember it, but it becomes a part of you.

Examples are too numerous to mention. The leaves budding out. Flowers in various stages of bloom. A baby bunny in the yard. Nature’s beauty does not only consist of panoramic skies and crashing waterfalls. Small quiet beauty is everywhere.

Notice it.

Don’t lose the moment grabbing for your camera. Just notice it.

As you are driving along, wave to the wildflowers growing in the ditch. Smile as the sun rises are you leave for work. Feel the thunder of a summer storm deep in your bones.

Experience the moments as they come.

Breathe in the beauty.

This moment is all that is.

It is enough.

How to Feel Better Quickly, Easily and on the Cheap

I facilitate something called the Happiness Club. We meet monthly in a local community room. It’s not a “club,” it’s a place to come learn tips and techniques how to live happier fuller lives, how to manage the stress of the day and how to build up resiliency to life’s challenges.

It delights me the wealth of opportunities available to us to feel better naturally. You don’t have to fall back on sex, drugs, and rock & roll to get that feel-good feeling. (I do give music and sex a big thumbs up however!)

As for “drugs,” sometimes we do need something to regulate or boost our system. We had a gal teach us about Bach flower remedies. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it or go to your natural foods store. Another month, a woman presented Aromatherapy and we had a smell fest. Simply breathing in certain scents can bring you back to a state of calm.

Fun stuff, right?! I know! And so simple! That’s the kicker, we often overlook the simple stuff.

One of the simplest is remembering to pause and take a breath. A few deep breaths amidst whatever “crisis” you’re in can return perspective in a jiffy. Deep breathing affects your heart and your brain, the two things we need when making decisions. When faced with a dilemma, instead of saying, “I need to think on it,” try “I need to breathe on it.”

Last month we had a reflexologist teach us points on our hands and feet that we can rub to relieve pains and symptoms throughout the whole body. If you have a headache, you can rub along the hand under the thumb.

We’ve had a gal come and provide chair massages too. Coming up we have EFT Emotional Freedom Technique (some call it tapping). When you are freaking out about something coming up in your life, you can tap meridian points on your face and body to relieve the distressing thought.

The benefits of laughter cannot be underestimated as well. We’ve had laughter exercises as part of the club meetings, but always we laugh whether it be an “exercise” or not. Laughter may be the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks how to feel better quickly, easily, and on the cheap.

That’s a great example too, because everyone can relate to an experience of feeling better, even in a tough time, because of a good laugh. Laughter can break the tension in a room, laughter can unite people, laughter does a world of good in a world of ways.

What it boils down is that there are countless way to help ourselves feel better naturally. The root word there is nature.

A quick, easy, and free way to feel better immediately is to go outside. A hike in nature is highly recommended, but if you are at work, all you need to do is step outside and breath some fresh air. (That means stepping away from the smokers.)

Take a ten minute break and simply go outside. Do nothing but breathe. That tiny pause in your day will change the momentum of the entire rest of your day. When it feels like you are going to implode and you don’t think you have time to take a break, that is exactly when you need to do so.

Even if all you have is a parking lot to wander, take a look at the sky. Maybe there is a tree or a flower somewhere. Maybe a bird. If not, imagine them there. Pretend there is a glorious mound of purple wildflowers right under the parking lot lights.

Some of the other ways I’ve taught how to feel better on the cheap include coloring, blowing bubbles (with a wand and with gum), blowing a party horn, Silly Putty, Play-Doh, anything like that. Keep a tiny jar of Play-Doh in your drawer. You’ll be amazed how two minutes spent in creating a clay dog changes your whole day.

Another low cost item is a hula hoop. If you don’t have room in your workplace, keep it your car for those breaks to the parking lot or a lunch time escape.

There are many quick, easy, and cheap ways that you can implement a mood booster into your day. What works for you?

The Best Mother’s Day Gift: Love Yourself First

Being a mom is a unique thing. The mommy years shaped me and made me a better person. Does that mean I’m better than someone who doesn’t have kids? No way. It means having kids has been beneficial for my personal growth, and I appreciate it. I know many women who are childless, by choice or otherwise, and their awesomeness is in no way eclipsed because they do not have children.

Our society seems to think it’s a standard for womanhood, that one must bear children. Bullhockey. I know this can be a great source of sadness for those who long to have a child, and I don’t mean to push any buttons. I’m simply trying to say, not so eloquently, that being a mom or not being a mom does not define a person.

When I married Prince Charming, (a year ago May 1, thank you very much), some people asked if we were going to have a baby. That made us choke and laugh! His sons are early twenties and mine are late teens. We have each raised wonderful young men and know the joys and heartaches of parenthood. We don’t need a child “together” to solidify our love or be a symbol of our commitment.

This Mother’s Day, my wish for you is that YOU are okay with YOU, in your skin, right here, right now. Whether you’re a mom or not, whether your mom is still alive or not, whether you get along with your mom or not. YOU are just fine. Got it?

Do not let a day on the calendar or sappy cards in the stores get you all crazy.

Life is not Hallmark card commercials. The hype of society and television ads distort what is real and true.

This is you, this is your life. If you have a mom that you love, tell her. If you have a mom that you miss having in your life, tell her. Even if she is no longer on this physical plane, tell her.

If you have a mom that you do not get along with and you want to make it better, tell her. If you have a mom that you do not get along with and you no longer want to spend the energy trying to make it better, let it go. Love yourself first.

That’s the real message. Love yourself first. We get caught up in the frenzy of what we think a “perfect life” is, and we assume everyone else has it all together. May I remind you again that you are just fine.

This weekend, whether you’re a mom or not, whether you have a mom or not, whether you give a rip or not, do something nice for yourself. Amidst the hoop-de-doo, take a pause. What makes you feel good? When is the last time you have partaken of anything simply for pure enjoyment?

If your kids don’t go out of their way to do anything grand for you, big deal. When is the last time you have done anything grand for yourself?

If you do have a lovely day with your family, and that brings you joy, feel it deep in your soul. That is your something grand you are doing for yourself.

There is no one way and there is no right way. Don’t be bullied by the media into believing there is.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to others this Mother’s Day, please catch yourself in the act and stop. My Mom’s Day gift to you, no matter your situation, is to tell you once again: You are just fine.

Listening. Are You Good at It?

We all want that from others. Certainly women want that from their partners. We expect our kids to listen to us. Do we give the same in return?

We all want to be heard. I typed heart instead of heard. Typo or subliminal message? When we really listen, we are engaged with our heads and our hearts. We are giving our most precious thing, our attention.

I recall the story I heard years ago of a little girl telling her mommy all about her day as the mother was in the kitchen making dinner. The mom was going about her business saying the standard “yes, dear” or

“really” or “that’s nice.”

The little girl stopped and said, “You’re not listening!”

The mother replied, “Of course I am.”

The little girl said, “Not with your eyes.”

We all know the stereotypical feeling of talking to a partner or a parent who mumbles and nods but doesn’t look up from the newspaper. Today it would be talking to someone while they are online or messing with their phone. We want to be heard and seen. Listening is a full contact sport.

The strict definition of listen is to give attention with one’s ear. That’s a good start, but maybe we should truncate to simply mean to give attention.

As you go about your day, do you listen with ears and eyes? Observe yourself. With co-workers. With your partner. With your kids. With other family members. With friends. With the waitress.

Do you make eye contact with the bank cashier? The dental hygienist? The insurance man?

When the clerk at the drugstore gives you your change or receipt, do you just grab it and go, looking down into your purse or do you look up, make eye contact with another human, and say thanks?

Two years ago when I launched our local Happiness Club, I showed the video called Validate. The guy who validated parking tickets also looked at people and gave sincere compliments. People lined up around the block to be seen and heard, and validated.

Search around You Tube to find it. It’s about fifteen minutes long. See if you notice a change in you as you go about your day. Your attention is your power. When you give attention to your problems, they magnify. When you give attention to your gratitudes, they grow. When you give attention to another, they shine.

Where are you shining your beam of attention?

The smallest act of attention can someone start to heal. I often share the story someone told me. This gal stopped at the gas station after work to get a gallon of milk. As she walked in, she held the door for a lady whose arms were full. This lady got teary and said, “Thank you, that is the nicest thing anyone has done for me all day.”

Holding the door open.

Start to pay attention to how well you are paying attention.

“Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  Leo Buscaglia said that. I second it. Do we have any thirds?

Surprise in my energy healing session

I was interviewed in March by Deb Hanneman of Zen Mommies Radio Show and I recently received an energy healing session from her. We have never met in the flesh, and yet I really like her presence. I sense you get my drift.

Deb explained that she would go in and take a look at my chakras and report back to me before going back in to do any clearing. I put the phone on speakerphone, and settled into my red couch in my sun room, put my feet up, and closed my eyes to breathe and relax.

My mental chatter slowed and thanked me for taking time out to take care of me, something I teach my clients. I of course continued to think how I would describe the session to my husband and how I’d write about it, so my mental chatter didn’t totally subside. That is one of the reasons I need to take time out for me.

I was feeling all proud of myself and chitchatting away in my head when a sob welled within me. I felt like I could burst into a bawl, yet didn’t. Wow, what’s going on in there? I thought.

When Deb came back on the line, she started with my root chakra. Her insights and observations intrigued me. When we got to the heart chakra, she stated she sensed a sadness in me. I told her how I had felt the urge to cry.

In general, I do not hold back my tears and I do not suppress my feelings. As Deb and I talked, we think the root of that sadness deep in me is the onset of my upcoming empty nest. I have the typical mixed emotions of many moms when their babies leave home, and have expressed, I thought, quite fully.

My firstborn is 19 and in college in Arizona. He is staying there for summer. My baby just turned 18 and leaving for college in the fall. I am happy and proud, and yet part of me was denying that I needed to fully mourn the passing of their childhoods.

It is the natural path, our children grow up to leave us. My sons know I shed tears that are a mix of all my emotions, yet I never confessed the sadness. I always said it was love and pride. Having that intense swell in my chest caught me off guard. Yes, I feel sad and a need to mourn. My babies are now young men. As much as I delight in that, a part of me feels sad. There, now I said it.

There’s another part of my gut too that I need to face. The joys of being their mom are part of the fiber of my being, yet I also am ready for them to fly off and make their own joy independent of me. I’m tickled for me too to be able to fly too in new ways when I have that new independence. For that admission, I feel guilty.

Enjoying the freedom that an empty nest brings is a joy, and I need feel no guilt. That’s a biggee for me.

Having Deb go back in and clear out that sadness (along with all the other chakra issues we addressed) was a gift. As I sift through all the photos of my sons through the years, I smile. I am grateful for our times together. I look forward to our respective futures and feel no guilt.

Pretty powerful session, yet so calm and relaxing. Deb says one usually feels better a few days after and I found this to be true. Looking forward to my next session already.