Listening. Are You Good at It?

We all want that from others. Certainly women want that from their partners. We expect our kids to listen to us. Do we give the same in return?

We all want to be heard. I typed heart instead of heard. Typo or subliminal message? When we really listen, we are engaged with our heads and our hearts. We are giving our most precious thing, our attention.

I recall the story I heard years ago of a little girl telling her mommy all about her day as the mother was in the kitchen making dinner. The mom was going about her business saying the standard “yes, dear” or

“really” or “that’s nice.”

The little girl stopped and said, “You’re not listening!”

The mother replied, “Of course I am.”

The little girl said, “Not with your eyes.”

We all know the stereotypical feeling of talking to a partner or a parent who mumbles and nods but doesn’t look up from the newspaper. Today it would be talking to someone while they are online or messing with their phone. We want to be heard and seen. Listening is a full contact sport.

The strict definition of listen is to give attention with one’s ear. That’s a good start, but maybe we should truncate to simply mean to give attention.

As you go about your day, do you listen with ears and eyes? Observe yourself. With co-workers. With your partner. With your kids. With other family members. With friends. With the waitress.

Do you make eye contact with the bank cashier? The dental hygienist? The insurance man?

When the clerk at the drugstore gives you your change or receipt, do you just grab it and go, looking down into your purse or do you look up, make eye contact with another human, and say thanks?

Two years ago when I launched our local Happiness Club, I showed the video called Validate. The guy who validated parking tickets also looked at people and gave sincere compliments. People lined up around the block to be seen and heard, and validated.

Search around You Tube to find it. It’s about fifteen minutes long. See if you notice a change in you as you go about your day. Your attention is your power. When you give attention to your problems, they magnify. When you give attention to your gratitudes, they grow. When you give attention to another, they shine.

Where are you shining your beam of attention?

The smallest act of attention can someone start to heal. I often share the story someone told me. This gal stopped at the gas station after work to get a gallon of milk. As she walked in, she held the door for a lady whose arms were full. This lady got teary and said, “Thank you, that is the nicest thing anyone has done for me all day.”

Holding the door open.

Start to pay attention to how well you are paying attention.

“Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  Leo Buscaglia said that. I second it. Do we have any thirds?