Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 22

"Most Likely to Succeed"

Written by Kelly Epperson

My high school graduating class was over 500 kids. The yearbook selected one boy and one girl as "Most Likely to Succeed." Does that mean the rest of us were doomed to failure? Of course not. But sometimes we let a certain thought permeate our brain and over the years accept it as a hard and fast belief.

For as long as I can remember, I have told myself that I can't sing. Because of that "belief," it took me 46 years to shed my self-consciousness and sing at a karoake bar because I "knew" my voice was terrible and "I can't carry a tune."

Letting go of old thought habits is freeing. No one has offered me a recording contract, but my warbling didn't shatter any glasses, and we had fun.

Too often we put the negative labels on ourselves. Can't sing. Can't dance. Can't act. Can't paint. Can't whip up a perfect souffle. Can't name all seven dwarves. Can't leap a tall building in a single bound. Can't. Can't. Can't.

Let's change the tide. Today your joy assignment is to list all the things you CAN do. You are so much more capable than you realize. Notice your own "everyday" abilities and notice your unique talents.

I can tie my shoes. I can tell time on a clock with hands. I can read. I can write an entire letter in cursive handwriting. I can text. I can upload a video to YouTube. I can sew on a button. I can rhyme.

I can make a wonderful spritz cookie. I can decorate my home in a way that I love. I can name all eight reindeer. I can ……

Go crazy with this. List all the little things you can do. List all the big things you can do. Can you remember a Bible verse you learned when you were eight? Can you dance the tango? Can you build a fire? Can you run a mile? Can you fly an airplane? Can you recite a poem? Can you knit? Can you make a toddler smile? Can you comfort someone? Can you wrap a pretty package? Can you fix a computer? Can you whistle? Can you name that tune in five notes?

Can you love with all your heart? Can you trust? Can you believe that you are meant to live a life of joy?

Take a lesson from that little blue engine of the storybook pages. I think I can. I think I can.

You can. Start your list right now. I hereby deem you most likely to succeed.

The Heart of Happiness

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm confused about my colors, how about you?

Roses are red, violets are sort of purple, good poetry does not have to rhyme, but can you spare a dime?

Roses are red, roses are pink, roses are yellow, roses are white. (Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, remember?)

Roses are red, Boy Scouts are blue, groundhogs are brown, what tone are you?

Roses are red, holidays are overrated, the merits of Valentine's Day should be thoughtfully debated.

 

Okay, I wanted to curl your lips, not curdle your stomach.

If no one has penned you a poem in a while, that's okay. When's the last time you wrote one for yourself?

We get caught up in the pressure of the media and society, and perhaps even from well-meaning friends and family, and we feel that we have to have a "significant other."

Newsflash-You first need to see yourself as significant. No other can do that for you.

True love is not romantic love. True love is not the stuff of steamy paperback novels or chick flicks. True love emanates from you for you.

You cannot look to another person, no matter how wonderful, to "complete" you. (It does sound good in the movies though.) The way to finding a person thats fit right with your piece of the puzzle is to understand and appreciate your uniqueness.

If you look to others to find your worth, you may get close, but the true completeness is you seeing that you are beautiful, flaws and all.

What was your reaction when you read "you are beautiful"? Did you take it in? Did you deflect it? Did you roll your eyes and say something nasty to me?

The heart of happiness is self-love. It's a year round thing. Getting there is not as hard as you may think.

Today's joy assignment will go easy on you. Buy yourself some chocolates, on sale or not, simply because you like chocolate and you like you. (If you don't like chocolate, substitute a treat that you do enjoy.)

As you nibble a piece of whatever, write yourself a Roses are Red poem. Be as corny as you like. Be as sweet as you like. Be as smart ass as you like.

This exercise is for you to have some fun. Step outside yourself and pretend that a 5th grade suitor is writing to you. What would that person like about you? Pretty hair? The best tuba player? Really good at math?

Physical traits. Skills. Hobbies. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Maybe a 5th grade boy would think it supercool that you like sports. Maybe a 5th grade girl would find it dreamy that you like to read. Lose yourself in all the qualities you had then and still have now that make you you.

Write yourself a few poems. Start to remember all the wonderful things about you that you have forgotten over the years. Maybe you are nice to people. Maybe you can sew on a button. Maybe you can recite poetry. Maybe you make people laugh. Maybe you can cook. Maybe you are good at drawing. Maybe you are someone that people can trust with their secrets.

Start to fall in love with yourself. Start to recognize all the good in you. Start to realize that outside love is desirable but not until you have that inside love. When you have that, then you can find the right someone who clicks onto your puzzle piece like he/she was made for you.

Maybe next year, you will have a Valentine and can write dorky poems to each other. If not, you will not feel bothered in the least by all the hype over Valentine's Day. Life and love is what you make it. It's for you. Make it real. Make it lasting. Make it true love.

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Are You Always Happy Now?

People ask me that question now that I've "morphed" from IRS agent into joy fairy teacher of happiness.

My answer is No and Yes.

My older son recently told me he wants to stay in Arizona this summer and take some classes. Did that make me feel happy? No. My heart screamed, "You're a freshman! Freshman come home their first summer!"

I stayed calm and didn't say that to him. When we got off the phone, I cried. I cried because I miss him. I cried because I wanted him to be home this summer so I could spend time with him. I cried because although he is a young man, I can feel his tiny infant hand in mine, the touch of his skin distinctly real, and cannot possibly be nineteen years ago. The fleetingness of time makes me cry.

I fully felt my sadness. I shared with my husband my feelings. I cried and I talked. And I felt a little bit better.

Happy people know that allowing feelings is so much better in the long run than trying to stifle, squash, or ignore them. Happy people do not deny their feelings. Happy people also learn how to not let feelings swallow them up.

I could have wallowed for days, complaining how sad I was that my son was not coming home. What would that do? Only serve to make me stay stuck in the sad.

Do I still feel pangs? Sure. I remind myself that my son is growing up and he wants to be successful in his astronautical engineering career and he is wise to take summer school classes. I remind myself that I promised my sons I would support them in their dreams, wherever those dreams make take them. I remind myself that a mama's job is to love her children and let them live their own lives.

I still got choked up when I informed my own mother that my son was staying in Arizona, but it was momentary. I voiced that I was sad, and also voiced that I was proud of him. The latter feeling is the one I chose, and still choose, to hang on to.

That, in a nutshell, is the difference for happy people. We know we are going to have all kinds of feelings. We allow them. We feel them. We process them. We choose what we want to hang on to.

I am creating my life, living life my way, following my heart, and I am over the moon happy. That does not mean that I am exempt from emotions. Am I happy all the time? No. I feel sadness and loss. Occasionally, I feel anger and frustration. I don't let those emotions consume me.

Was I "happy" going through a divorce? No. Was I happy going through my son's "cancer episode"? No. Was I happy when my grandma died? No.

On the flip side, am I happy all the time? Yes. I do not throw open the shutters every morning singing a happy tune while the birds fly in to make my bed and tidy up the house. Happiness in an internal place of knowing that I am living with my heart and head in sync, and that is deep happiness.

That kind of happiness is what builds up our immunity to the daily minor annoyances of life and builds up our resilience when the tougher challenges come. A happy person has built up a reserve of resources, a toolbox to turn to, when faced with the biggees of life like job loss, divorce, or death of a loved one.

Is a grieving person happy? No and yes. The pain is almost unbearable, yet the love remains. I have confessed to my Prince Charming that if he died, I would want to lay down in a hole and die too. I say to him that I would not be a good happiness coach anymore.

He assures me that I would mourn and be sad and would maybe want to lay around for a long time. He also assures me that my deep inner happiness would not go out, and that I would indeed get up and use my sorrow to help others through theirs. He assures me I would still be a good happiness coach.

I chose to not dwell on such thoughts, but they do pop into my head. We can let our minds go crazy with all the "what ifs" and yet a happy people learns to shut out those voices. Instead of "what if" think on "what is."

What is right in my world is plenty. I chose to focus on what is good, what is wonderful, what is right here right now, what is fun, what is delightful, what is rewarding, what is making me feel happy today.

The "biggees" of life are not the everyday events of life. Yes, they happen. When they do, we do the best we can, moment by moment. Until then, before then, and in between then, a happy person chooses to see the happy moments of an every day life. A happy life is nothing more than a string of happy moments.

So have I answered the question? Am I always happy? No. and yes, absolutely.

World Happy Day is in Loves Park this Saturday!

JOIN US! RIGHT HERE!

Saturday, February 11

1:00 PM

N. Suburban District Library

Public viewing of

HAPPY the Movie

an award winning film

for all ages & all levels of happy.

Want to feel happier?

Come learn how.

Suggested Donation $5. Questions?

Kelly Epperson, Happiness Club of Loves Park,

tollfree 888-637-3563 or info@kellyepperson.com.

How to Unleash Your Passion

Written by Kelly Epperson

Some folks pop out of the womb knowing that they want to be a rock star, artist, teacher, priest, dentist, botanist, clock maker, and it guides their path from an early age.

Maybe we all are born with internal knowing, but for most, it gets buried over the years. Life becomes about expectations (usually others' expectations that we try to live up to) and whatever our passion is, it tends to get lost in the fray.

Then at some point, the question hits: "What the heck do I really want to do?"

There are many skill tests, strength tests, and personality tests, and all can be helpful. There are also "tests" you can conduct on yourself.

Start by simply paying attention to the activities you do in any given day. Does that activity, in general, drain you or energize you?

For example, when I first started my column, I was employed elsewhere and not writing at all. Reading my local newspaper, a "mommy columnist article", something in me said, "I can do that." I submitted a story to the editor and was accepted. My inner voice had prompted me and I am so glad I listened.

I became fully absorbed in writing those personal essays. Completely lost in the activity, time whizzed by and I was 100% entrenched, not looking at the clock, not feeling frustrated. I was absolutely in the flow.

I knew: This is what I'm meant to do. This feels good and right. Now, I do indeed write every day.

What do you do where you totally, deeply, fully, lose yourself?

It usually is something that comes easy and thus you take it for granted. Because wood working is a natural talent for you, you think it's easy for everyone.

Maybe you spend hours on a project. You feel good inside. Sure there are minor frustrations and equipment mishaps, and at the end of the day, you may feel tired, but you don't feel drained.

There will always be tough days, even doing what you love, but the overall feeling resonates that this is what you were meant to do.

Some things may surprise you. I never predicted that I'd be a speaker or how much I would love it. I come alive in front of a group and want to convey what I know to be true – that we all can live happier lives.

When you believe in your message, you want to share it. You may want to share your love of woodworking by teaching or by gifting/selling the projects you make.

Your JOY Assignment:

Start to notice what activities light you up, and what leaves you feeling uninspired and lethargic.

You might be good at many things. That's great, but even if you are a kickbutt violin player, do you come alive when playing? Does it stir something inside of you? If not, it's not your passion.

Do not listen to what others tell you. They mean well, but this is between you and you.

Maybe you can visualize a boring yard and turn it into a landscape delight. Maybe you can teach sign language. Maybe you love fixing computers that have crashed.

We need every talent and skill imaginable.

Think back to what you loved as a child. What activities did you lose yourself in? Did you love animals? exploring? getting messy in the kitchen? creating stories in your mind? tinkering with stuff to see how it worked?

Explore your interests, old and new. See how you feel during and after. Does a day at photography workshop energize you? Does the idea of breeding Labradoodles excite you?

Start by dabbling. Pay attention to your body response. When you find something you love to do, you will feel it. Allow yourself to feel the passion.

You can pursue it as a hobby, a side gig, or you can leap right in. Right now, the goal is to unleash the passion. It's in you. You just have to let it bubble up. What makes you come alive?

Get happy, get confident, lose the stress

Wanna feel better every day?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BlJ_paOS7Y

 

"I want to have more energy."

"I want to like life, particularly my own life."

"I want to have fun."

"I want less stress, less worry, more money!"

"I want to enjoy my days, not just endure them."

"I want to be happy with me."

Yep! It's not as hard as you think. 7 weeks can change your life. Let's share this part of the journey to get you back on the path to living fully. You really can be/have/do all those things listed above. Questions? Write info at kelly epperson dot com or call toll free 888-637-3563.

Sunrise

Written by Kelly Epperson

I recently posted on Facebook about the beautiful sunrise and that yep, I was up to see it. Someone commented back asking if I got up and saw up or if I was still up from the night before.

That made me smile. I used to be a night owl and would sometimes pull all-nighters and see the sun come up before I went to bed. That was the only way I saw a sunrise.

Now my sleep habits have changed. My caffeine habits have changed. My thought habits have changed.

That is the kicker.

I took pride in being in night owl and working all night, going to bed when the rest of the world was getting up and heading off to work. I sometimes still work late, but in general, having a fairly regular sleep schedule has helped me feel tremendously better.

I thought my energy level was pretty good before, and now I feel even better.

The basics are often overlooked because they are basic. Besides sleeping, eating on a normal schedule has entered my life too. DUH! I know. Most people eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, but I never ate breakfast. Lunch was whenever I got around to it.

Now I start my day with something simple like yogurt and granola. The glorious part is eating my goodies in my sunroom and watching the sky turn shades of blue and orange through the trees.

The sight of those colors stirs my soul and gets me in a good place as I start my day.

Is the idea of sleeping, eating (and exercising), anything new? Of course not. As Mark Twain said, "There is nothing new under the sun." What is new is the idea that people can take on new habits.

Absolutely.

As you enter 2012, do not for one second believe that you are "stuck" the way you are. If you want something to be different, it can. What I've learned and what I teach my clients is that implementing new habits is not the hard part; letting go of old ingrained patterns of thought is the sticky wicket.

That is what takes time. 21 days to incorporate a new habit. Slightly longer to let go of an old habit. Usually habits are the thoughts we think, what we tell ourselves. A lot of those thoughts have been around since childhood.

Something simple as "I am a night owl. I am not an early bird," is a thought habit first. Pay attention to your "I am" statements. What and how do you want to be? Practice your I AM statements.

I am a writer. I am an inspirational speaker. I am a happiness coach. I am happy. I am blessed. I am loved. I am adored.

Too many of us play a different tape in our heads: I am fat. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am not lovable. I am not worthy of wealth. I am a loser. I am lonely. I am sad. I am always going to be this way.

Stop that reel right now. The best thing you can do for yourself as you embark on a new year is to notice what you are telling yourself. Reframe your "I am" statements into what you want to be. And watch it come to fruition.

How to get happy, change your life, live your joy

The JOY Beyond Your Dreams Life Mastery Program starts next session on Feb 6, 2012. The results are:

confidence, clarity, calm,

more energy, more optimism, more fun!

trust in your decision making ability again

inner peace, less stress, more joy

The program is 7 weeks of life changing material.

Here's a quick video answering a few questions.

Live YOUR Joy, Start NOW

 

To get more info, read here.

You can also write info at kelly epperson dot com or call toll free 888-637-3563.

I think YOU are ready! I look forward to sharing this part of the journey with you!

 

 

Stop Keeping Track of Your Mess Ups, Start Keeping Track of Your Step Ups

We all make mistakes. Everybody. Every day. Big and small. We forget a friend's birthday. We hit REPLY ALL to an email with our response intended privately for one person. We drop a cup and break it. We forget to pay the water bill. We burn the cookies. We lash out at a loved one.

On and on and on.

We beat ourselves up over our boo boos, our mistakes, our missteps. When you recount the day, what do you hover on? The mess ups? I used to. A million things happen in any given day, and I would focus on what I did wrong.

The events would be long over and yet I would rehash in my mind. The people on the other end of the mistake were fine. The friend was not mad about a late birthday card. No one was upset over an email. A late paid bill, no big deal. A broken cup, a burnt cookie, insignificant. An apology to that loved one was accepted. All was well. I just needed to grasp that.

Learning to let go and learning how to treat myself with compassion has been part of my journey. Implementing new happiness habits is not the tough part. Letting go of our old ingrained habits, thoughts, and behaviors is the real ticket to personal growth.

I've come a long way, baby. Being a People Pleasing Perfectionist is not the same as being a joyful person. Putting on a happy face is not the same as being happy. Living every day joy is simply learning to like yourself. With that comes confidence, trust, love, fun. Dare I say it, joy beyond your dreams.

One tool to help you get over the "mess ups" is to start keeping track of your "step ups," the things you accomplished in the day. This exercise is not the same as writing your three joy droppings in your joy journal every day. That gratitude exercise is hugely important, and this one is too, on another level.

You need to start appreciating you. You do a lot in any given day. Keep track of that. Literally. Write it down. At the end of the day, your brain will be switching to the "I did pretty well" track instead of staying stuck on the "I messed up" track.

Your JOY Assignment: Keep a scribble pad handy. Jot down your "done good" items.

I write the date and "What I did today" with a smiley face. For me, becoming a morning person is a big deal. Something I never thought would happen. I write "Up at 6:15 and had quiet time and watched the sunrise." I scribble big things and little things: Sent press release. Made lunch for Andrew. (Now that my baby is a senior and my time with him is fleeting, making lunch for him makes me feel good.) Wrote thank you notes. Had a speaking engagement. Bought flowers for my hubby. I had a coaching call with a client. Took my dress to the cleaners. (Those little things that I have been meaning to do feel good when I do them.)

The idea is to write down what you do that feels good. Write down what you do in a day. You do a lot. Feel good about it. When you are feeling good, it is impossible to feel bad. (That's the key to life. Laminate that statement and carry it in your wallet.)

A happy life is just a string of happy moments. Focusing on the good creates good feelings, happy moments.

What did you do today? Laundry. Made meat loaf. Talked with a potential client.

Home life. Work life. It all is your one life. Revel in it. Relish it.

Stop keeping track of your mess ups. Let them go. Start keeping track of your step ups. You are stepping up and living life with joy and energy. Starting right now.

Are you a watering can or a soaker hose?

Written by Kelly Epperson

I just found a stapler on the bathroom counter. I don't recall taking the stapler into the bathroom. I know I was not stapling toilet paper sheets back together. I was not doing a tummy tuck or attempting some kind of newfangled face lift. (However, you may want to check behind my ears for neck skin stapled up back there. I may be on to something.)

I'd taken the stapler from my office to my bedroom where I have several bags of items being donated to nonprofit events and stapled my business card to the bags. On the way back to the office, I obviously stopped in the bathroom and forgot the stapler there.

From bedroom to office is five steps, with bathroom smack in the middle. I guess I cannot go five steps without being distracted. Or being forgetful. If I had needed the stapler again, I'm pretty sure I would not have thought to look in the bathroom.

This past holiday season was a prime example of me trying to do many things at once. I burned the cookies in the oven, scorched the almond bark in the microwave, and left presents half-wrapped on the table. Trying to operate like I had eight hands reminded me that I have only one brain, and it works better when it can focus.

Many of us try to do many things at once. Talking on the phone while doing dishes was the norm before cell phones and dishwashers. Now people talk on our cells while grocery shopping. For those folks with the ear clip thing, I still think they are talking to themselves.

Many books and articles will proclaim multi-tasking as a good thing to do. I disagree. It is better if I do one thing, focus on that, check it off, and move to the next thing.

I still catch myself on the phone and reading email at the same time. The person I am talking to is not being given my full attention and the emails are not being fully comprehended so I'm doing a disservice to all.

Now when I answer my phone, I turn away from the computer. When I am writing, that gets my attention. When I am reading, that gets my attention. When I am speaking, that gets my attention. When I am listening, that gets my attention.

The most powerful tool we have is our attention. Think of it like a watering can. If I give a little bit here and a little bit there and a tad over there, nothing gets fully watered. Nothing will grow.

The experts say to water the grass deeply. Don't just bounce the sprinkler across the yard for thirty minutes here and then there and there. Give each area full attention and then move.

You could use a watering can, sprinkle a few drops over every little patch, and say, "I watered the whole yard." Will that grass thrive?

Our lives are like that. Each area needs proper care and attention, not just a distracted sprinkle. People, pets, places, all deserve our attention, not just a drop.

I have learned that it does not take any longer to do one thing, complete it, and then move on to the next. It is actually more efficient for me.

This year, I want to be a soaker hose, not a sprinkle can. The soaker hose lays on it, wraps around it, devotes itself to getting that area saturated. Its attention is focused. Ah, look at my garden grow.