Kelly Epperson's Blog, page 13

Mayans, My Way, and No Regrets

“Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” The song “My Way” is a classic and I’ve heard it played at more than one funeral. Does it reveal how you are living your life? When you look back at the past year, do you say, “Dang, I had fun!” or do you shrug and say, “Oh well, maybe next year”?

If you are reading this that means we are still here and the world didn’t end. Those Mayans! Did they have a clue what a tizzy they created? Actually, it’s wonderful. Anything that gets people thinking and out of the rut is a good thing.

If the world had gone up in a puff of smoke, or our bodies turned into angels or cream puffs or whatever, would you have been able to take a final glimpse and say that you have no regrets and you did it your way?

I know many people, myself included, who did many years of doing it someone else’s way. We honor our parents, our spouses, our friends, our bosses, our children, our cat… Only when we begin to honor ourselves does the real love come out.

Yes, that’s correct. When you honor yourself, you then are able to love and honor all those other folks in a much bigger way. You being you, all of you, is what you came here to do. Does that make sense?

Let’s take it to the extreme. Say Abe Lincoln’s mama wanted him to be a lawyer and that he did. His heart yearned to be president yet he wanted to honor Mama and Mary and the guy at the corner store, so he stayed a lawyer. We would have missed out on a great president and the country could have turned out a whole lot differently.

Maybe you have told yourself for a long many years that you are good and right to stay stuck in this job, this marriage, this church, this friendship because that is what is a good person does. You are good. Be good to yourself.

What is it that you want to do? Deep down inside what is the one true inner voice saying?

“For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught; To say the things he truly feels …”

How often do you say what you truly feel? Do you hold yourself back? Do you put yourself last?

Loving yourself is the key to stress management and disease prevention. Doctors agree that at least 70-80% of disease is stress induced. We often experience stress because we are not living life our way.

You may think I’m nuts. That’s okay. You don’t have to read my column if it doesn’t resonate with you. I honor and respect that. I know I am a mushball; I also know that since I have started living life my way and honoring myself, I have improved my health, my wealth, my relationships, and my happiness.

You can too. The world didn’t end in 2012. It’s a new beginning. Every morning is a new beginning. If life as a whole is too big to tackle, just start with today. Live today your way. Incorporate a bit more levity and laughter. Speak up for yourself. Listen to yourself.

The Mayans were slightly off, you have another year or two to have some fun and live with no regrets. Why not give it a whirl?

A deal is a deal is a deal. Deal?

A deal is a deal. We’ve all heard that phrase. It means essentially that if you agree to something you follow through on your promise. You do what you said you would do and the other person does the same. “We made a deal and we stick to it.”

When is a deal not a deal? There are lots of definitions of “deal.” Deal is a verb when you are playing cards. You deal the cards to all the players. It’s also a noun. “I got a bad deal. I want new cards.” And what does the dealer say: “A deal is a deal. Play the hand you’re dealt.”

A deal is also a bargain. We all want the best deals when it comes to what we pay for stuff. People are excited to share when they get a good deal on a car, a computer, or any big ticket item. Even low ticket items too. Look at all the dollar stores in town. One is even called Deals.

A deal is a transaction. We usually give it the meaning of being a good deal unless we say it’s not. “I got a deal on that!” Sure. We think that’s good. “I got a bad deal on that!” Oh, that’s too bad.

Deal is also a quantity reference, usually a large amount. “I need a great deal of support if I am going to win this election.” We usually don’t say: I need a deal of support; we put the quantifier “great” with it.

Someone who makes transactions is called a dealer. Not just in cards. Someone deals in antiques perhaps. We all have heard of drug dealers. Are they making good deals? Do they have a great deal of deals in any given day?

We also take action when we deal. If you have water in your basement, you have to deal with it. If you have an issue with your boss at work, you have to deal with it. Deal means to do something, not just put up with it.

Have you ever been told point blank: “Deal with it”? If so, that person is telling you to buck up and face the problem. When we deal with it, we do not ignore it.

I remember when I was younger and if someone seem arrogant to me, I would say: He sure thinks he is a big deal.

Deal also means to occupy oneself with or in. For example, botany deals with the study of plants.  Raising kids means you have deal with all kinds of issues.

A deal can be an agreement, a pact, a pledge. A deal can be a contract, an agreement. A deal can be a compromise. A deal can be a transaction. A deal can be an understanding. A deal is a hand, an opportunity, a round.

So, a deal is a bargain, a barter, a bicker. When you deal, you also do those things and you dicker. You swap, sell, trade, negotiate. You work out a deal. You hammer out a deal.

When you deal with, you consider, control, discuss and direct.You oversee. You handle it. You take care of it.

So, a deal is a deal. Yep. And after reading all this, I know what you’re thinking. “Big deal.”

On Broadway

They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway. They are. What is it about a neon bulb that attracts me?

It’s not the lights. It’s not the flashing neon signs announcing shows and advertisements. It’s not the throngs of people standing with their cellphones snapping photos. It’s not the megatron billboards.

It’s the energy. There is a feeling, a vibe, a palpable power that engulfs you when you stand in the flashing, twinkling lights.

Bright lights, big city.  It could be Times Square in downtown New York . It could be Paris. It could be Piccadilly Circus in London. There’s something about magic and dreams and believing in possibilities.

It’s not just the theatre districts and their allure. It happens to me in DisneyWorld and Epcot too. I get sucked in. The world of dreams and wonder and awe awakens my cells and they start to do a little dance inside of me.

I like the city streets. I like the beautiful buildings and gorgeous architecture. I also like the unlimited people watching.

My older son once mentioned he loves his city because there is always something new to see, always something new going on. Very insightful, that boy.

City mouse, country mouse. It’s a choice that chooses us. I appreciate small towns for their sameness, their traditions, their comfort. I also love cities for their vibrancy, their vivante, their dynamic.

Some folks light up to the stimulation of senses in a city, some folks shut down. We are all wired differently. Too much big city can overwhelm. Too much small town can underwhelm. We sometimes also think the grass is greener on the other side.

Small town kids may yearn for the excitement of a bigger city only to return as an adult to their small town roots. Some kids take off for the city, never look back, and absolutely love it.

Same for city folk. They may long for the simpler life in the country and when they give it a whirl find they are bored out of their minds, or they find it heaven on earth. It’s good to experiment and see what works for you.

Different degrees of city life also work for different stages of life. I know a gal who left the city to raise her family and now as empty nesters, she and her husband are thrilled to be back in New York.

There is no right or wrong, only what’s right for you. Don’t let anyone rain on your parade. If you want to dance like Gene Kelly around the lamppost on the street or you want to splash in mud puddles in the lane, it’s your druthers.

Pay attention to what lights you up – is it the bright lights of the big city or is it the glow of a lamp in the country cottage window?

If both have an appeal, you can have both. Vacation to experience the lifestyle of each. You can rent a cabin and you can rent a city apartment. Maybe that’s your answer. Maybe you like the comforts of home, whatever that home may be, and you also want a taste of the culture of they city and the pace of the life at the lake.

Sample. Try before you buy. Maybe the sample is all you need. Treat yourself to a Broadway show. Treat yourself to a small town getaway. Savor the delights of both. Believe in the possibilities. Enjoy the sensations that happen inside you. City mouse, country mouse. Enjoy the best of both.

Struggling to find answers when there are none

Bad things happen to good people. Horrible things happen. Children get shot. Husbands kill their wives. We try to make sense of it. We can’t.

We express our outrage. It makes us feel a tiny bit of power when we feel powerless. I understand. I do.

For me, it’s just deep utter profound sadness. I don’t post my pinings on Facebook. Joining in the chorus does not make me feel better. I post a song about love instead.

We all deal in our own ways. We don’t know what to do and there is nothing we can do, so we rant.

Calling someone a monster does not help the situation. People do things we cannot fathom. They are deeply troubled, and need more love and help than we can ever comprehend.

A person who walks into a school and shoots little kids or a man who beats his wife is not a monster. He is a human who has lost touch with his very soul. Somewhere along the way, he made choices that have disconnected him with his true core.

There may be some people on this earth who are inherently evil. I’ve yet to experience it. I think people who do these unspeakable acts really have lost their way and they know no way back. They live from a place of deep hollow fear. They no longer are in touch with their soul or their humanity and maybe that makes them “monsters.” Maybe that makes more human than ever.

It does not ease my pain to take up a torch and join the rally to go burn the monster. What does ease my pain? Not much. These words from Kiva Leatherman of Wise Women Network written the day after the school shooting tragedy resonate:

“I can’t help but notice that there is palpable love in the air today. At ballet this morning I noticed more hugs and kisses. Any energy of frustration, the “get your ballet shoes on, you’re going to be late!” was noticeably absent. A friend shared that last night her little guy emptied half of his bath onto the bathroom floor. Her normal reaction might have been less than calm, but last night…

Last night she got some towels, cleaned up the mess and loved that baby up. 

The state of grace is collective. Innocence has returned at the same moment that it was stolen. 

And I began to think… we’ve got to find a way to bottle this. Let this tragedy be the moment that reminds us just how precious our little angels are, not just today, or in a week – but forever more. 

I worry that in a month or so, after the holidays are done, and we are back to the rush, rush, hurry, hurry of our lives we might forget this feeling. We may begin again to snap at our children for taking too long to put on their shoes, or not using their fork to eat their green beans, or pouring the water out of the bathtub.”

Kiva is a wise woman indeed.

Every moment is a gift. There are no guarantees. Let us love, let us delight, let us show compassion to everyone, everywhere, all the time. If we lived like that, where every person was treated with attention, love and grace from the moment of birth onward, I believe there would be no “monsters.”

Maybe I’m wrong. I still choose to believe that love trumps fear. Talking about the murder and the murderer only keeps us in that dark place. Shift attention to the love and the heroes. Shift your focus to what you really can do to make a change in this world: Every single person you meet, look them in the eye and see them as a real person. Start now.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach who helps people birth their books and she does it with joy. Toll free 888-637-3563 and www.kellyepperson.com)

It’s Okay To Get Personal

Get personal.

For some of us, that’s hard to do. I’ve been writing my weekly newspaper column since May 2001. People who read it feel they know me. They do.

It was exactly because I dared to get personal. That doesn’t mean spouting opinions or rhetoric. Getting personal means to share yourself and be vulnerable.

One of my early columns that endeared me to readers was telling the tale of how my two sons and I, they were grade schoolers at the time, had a lovely evening of strolling to the ice cream parlor with a stop at the park. When they invited me to swing with them and take the swing between them, I was mentally logging this as a Memorable Mommy Moment. My elder BoyWonder then proclaimed the middle swing was best for me because it had the widest seat and I had the widest butt.

In writing a weekly column for over decade, some columns are surface level and some are deeply personal. The ones I hesitate sending to my editors because I think I may have revealed too much are always the ones that get the most reader response. My beloveds write in and say: “You write best when you write from the heart.”

That is what I get my clients to do now. One executive business coach is surprising herself with how personal and spiritual her book is evolving, and she stops herself. I tell her the same: You write best when you write from the heart.

We can share our expertise and our message, and we do it best when we get personal. It’s not a business book, but why do you think Eat, Pray, Love became such a resonant best seller? Elizabeth Gilbert got deeply personal.

A recent blog post of mine where I wrote about how I now have “movie love” with the man I call Prince Charming crossed the line into personal and vulnerable. Another author wants to use it in his upcoming webinar on authentic relationships. When we get personal, others relate, and that is how we best help people.

That’s the goal. To help others.

Have I shared embarrassing moments in my writing? Sure. When I returned home from living a year in France, a local man who had enjoyed my columns during my year abroad asked me to speak to his men’s group about being a stranger in a strange land.

My fear of public speaking reared its ugly head that day and my first speaking engagement was a train wreck. I was mortified. So I wrote about it. Another reader then asked me to speak to her woman’s group. That makes no sense but it’s a funny story I often share. That day went much better and led to another gig which led to another and so on. I now love to speak and a group of 500 delights me as much as a room of 15.

When I speak, I get personal. There’s laughter, sometimes tears, and always a great time. I’m not polished and perfect, I’m just me giving them the best presentation in my power. People want facts, figures, and results. They also want a real human who connects.

I once got a client because she saw a Facebook post of me sharing it was a Hairbrush Microphone kind of day. That made her laugh and she decided I was the kind of person she could work with. Personal connection.

So when you go about your daily life, in business and in pleasure, get personal. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to have fun. Allow yourself to pursue your dreams.

It may start with the urge to splash in a puddle. Don’t squash that urge. When you see that the earth doesn’t swallow you up for expressing yourself, you’ll gain confidence to do it more.

The world needs you expressing you in the way that only you can do. You doing so helps another to express too. Let’s start a chain of expression, communication, and connection. It starts with getting personal.

Let me know your thoughts. Do you hold back? Do you wish you could let yourself out to play more? Post your comments. (Yes, it’s okay to get personal.)

Hand on Heart Decision Making

I’ve had my palm read. I love woo-woo stuff. We, however, don’t need other people to tell us what is our destiny. It’s wonderful to hear confirmations of our strengths and to receive encouragement to pursue our goals, but we don’t always need outside advice as to what is the best course for us to take.

[image error]The guidance you need is always within you. Put your palm on your heart. That’s where you’ll find your answers.

Is that too woo-woo for you? Try it.

Get still. Breathe deeply and slowly, in and out, repeatedly. Do this everyday. When you need to ask a question of “What do I do?” go sit and breathe. Eyes closed. Hand on heart. Ask your question. Listen for guidance. Does your body give a response?

Some people actually hear words in their heads. Most just feel a gut level indication of yes, this is right for you right now, or no, not at this time. Sort of like the old Magic Ball.

Sure, it’s important to gather your facts. If you are deciding on a new home, a new job, or a new mate, you have to know what you are getting into it. If there is still some question, do the hand on heart decision making test.

Your body knows. Your inner wisdom knows. We usually are just too busy to ask.

As you enter the new year, keep it simple. Breathe. Be still. Be your own palm reader. Your destiny is yours to create. And that is pretty exciting!

Movie Love

I had an epiphany the other night watching “Shakespeare in Love” (a flick from 1998 with Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes). We chicks watch chick flicks because we want that kind of love. Maybe that’s not news to you. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I used to watch movies and think that was “movie love,” not anything real or obtainable,  yet a part of me longed for it. I wanted the depth of passion that only seemed to exist on movie screens or in song lyrics.

My epiphany exploded when Gwyneth proclaimed in the beginning of the movie that she would have poetry, adventure, and love. Tears came to my eyes. I have that. I have poetry, adventure, and love now with the man I call Prince Charming.

The wistful sigh I used to keep to myself at the end of a movie is now replaced with a snuggle closer to my husband with a kiss and a thanks.

I have movie love.

When I hear songs on the radio of true connection, I smile and think that my man wrote that for me. When we spontaneously dance around the kitchen, I feel my heart sigh the exhale of deep peace and contentedness.

What kind of sigh do you make?

The deep-down secret space in your heart is your inner compass. Listen to it. Trust it.

I tell you my story to encourage you. If you are looking for love, first take some time to get right with yourself. Take care of you. Honor you. Respect you. You know what that means for you. Do it.

Then, when you are good with yourself, allow yourself to believe that you too can have movie love. Believe that you are worthy of such love. That’s a bigger hurdle for most of us than we realize.

Also, let go of the stories in your head and let the real-life script take over. After my divorce, I wanted a “story” of how I would meet my next love. I imagined meeting someone in another country and being whisked away on romance and adventure.

Truth is stranger, and better, than fiction.

When I met Prince Charming, yes, I thought he was handsome, attractive, and wonderful. But I had my “but’s.” He’s great, BUT he’s from my own hometown. How boring is that? We even went to the same high school. In my story, I meet someone exotic.

He’s smart and has a vocabulary that I love, BUT he doesn’t have a college degree. In my story, I meet someone who schooled overseas. My man is gorgeous and sexy, BUT he’s not taller than me. In my story, the guy is always taller.

My story sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it? I could have walked away from this guy because he didn’t meet the “requirements” on my checklist.

What I really wanted was someone who got me.

He gets me.

My inner voice told me from the beginning that he did. I always trusted him. It was me that I needed to learn trust. I’m so glad I did. I am so glad I allowed myself to let this man into my life and my heart.

I wanted someone exotic and I got it; I often think he’s from another planet. Ladies, listen up. Listen to your heart. What is it that you want? Do you want poetry, adventure, and love? You can have it.

Matters of the heart can be confusing because we let too many players voice their opinion. This is between you and you. Take some time with yourself. Date yourself. Get to know what you like, what you don’t, and what you want for you.

Feel strong in yourself. Feel confident about your life without a significant other. Then, and only then, are ready to have a true relationship.

If you watch movies and sigh, and some line grabs your heart, write it down. Tell yourself that you will have it. Then, let yourself. You get to write the script, and you get to make your own happy ending. You too can then tell others that movie love is real.

A deal is a deal is a deal. Deal?

A deal is a deal. We’ve all heard that phrase. It means essentially that if you agree to something you follow through on your promise. You do what you said you would do and the other person does the same. “We made a deal and we stick to it.”

When is a deal not a deal? There are lots of definitions of “deal.” Deal is a verb when you are playing cards. You deal the cards to all the players. It’s also a noun. “I got a bad deal. I want new cards.” And what does the dealer say: “A deal is a deal. Play the hand you’re dealt.”

A deal is also a bargain. We all want the best deals when it comes to what we pay for stuff. People are excited to share when they get a good deal on a car, a computer, or any big ticket item. Even low ticket items too. Look at all the dollar stores in town. One is even called Deals.

A deal is a transaction. We usually give it the meaning of being a good deal unless we say it’s not. “I got a deal on that!” Sure. We think that’s good. “I got a bad deal on that!” Oh, that’s too bad.

Deal is also a quantity reference, usually a large amount. “I need a great deal of support if I am going to win this election.” We usually don’t say: I need a deal of support; we put the quantifier “great” with it.

Someone who makes transactions is called a dealer. Not just in cards. Someone deals in antiques perhaps. We all have heard of drug dealers. Are they making good deals? Do they have a great deal of deals in any given day?

We also take action when we deal. If you have water in your basement, you have to deal with it. If you have an issue with your boss at work, you have to deal with it. Deal means to do something, not just put up with it.

Have you ever been told point blank: “Deal with it”? If so, that person is telling you to buck up and face the problem. When we deal with it, we do not ignore it.

I remember when I was younger and if someone seem arrogant to me, I would say: He sure thinks he is a big deal.

Deal also means to occupy oneself with or in. For example, botany deals with the study of plants.  Raising kids means you have deal with all kinds of issues.

A deal can be an agreement, a pact, a pledge. A deal can be a contract, an agreement. A deal can be a compromise. A deal can be a transaction. A deal can be an understanding. A deal is a hand, an opportunity, a round.

So, a deal is a bargain, a barter, a bicker. When you deal, you also do those things and you dicker. You swap, sell, trade, negotiate. You work out a deal. You hammer out a deal.

When you deal with, you consider, control, discuss and direct.You oversee. You handle it. You take care of it.

So, a deal is a deal. Yep. And after reading all this, I know what you’re thinking. “Big deal.”

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach. Get Kelly’s free ebook “7 Steps to Happy Right Now” at www.joybeyondyourdreams.com.)

 

Dazzled

“I was dazzled.” Walking down 46th Street back to the Paramount Hotel, I smiled at the sign proclaiming my thoughts.  I took a picture to help me remember the moment.

“I was dazzled” was an ad for a Broadway show. For me, it was an observation of my thrill to be strolling the streets of New York.

There is something magical about the city that doesn’t sleep. The bright lights have their allure, and I enjoy people watching. People come from all over the world to snap photos of the neon lights of Times Square.

The December weather was unseasonably warm. I wandered without blustery winds or even the need for gloves or scarf. Folks were skating beneath the giant Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and there  really was laughter and good cheer.

I noticed the lines outside Radio City Music Hall and ventured over for a ticket. I was ushered to the head of the line and got my seat just as the curtain rose. Thirty pair of legs greeted me. As a former pom pom girl, I appreciate a good kick line.

They’ve been kicking it up for 85 years and their precision was perfect. The theater was beautiful. Taking in the Rockettes’ Christmas Spectacular was a bucket list item I didn’t realize I’d had. It was a perfect feel-good New York moment.

Being in the right place at the right time always feels good. A prior trip to New York several years ago landed me seats in the David Letterman show and my photo with Rupert at the Hello Deli. I took in Billy Eliot and New Yorkers assisted me when I missed my subway stop.

I’ve had many travels and many occasions of being in the right place at the right time, and folks providing assistance. Big city, small town, people are people. There are jerks and there are helpful, patient people too.

Big cities are made up of people who come from all over. My shuttle driver to the hotel was raised in Illinois very near my college stomping grounds. My bartender was from the Midwest and my biz coach (the reason I was in NYC) is from the Midwest too.

I’ve been able to see many wonderful places around the world and US, and have been delighted and dazzled. The trips and tales ahead are still to unfold and I know they will do the same.

Life, and being a tourist, is what we make it. I like to wander and have fun. Right now, as I lay me down to sleep, if I die before I wake, I’m thinking an appropriate message for my tombstone would be: I was dazzled.

Indeed.

Cheers!

Being silly is good for the soul and makes the day better.

What have you done today that made you laugh? Anything? Have your smiled at yourself at all? Why not? What or who are you saving it for?

I crack myself up sometimes. Maybe it’s too much time alone working from home, but there are days when I write a killer sentence and I jump up out of my chair, run to the bathroom and say: “Damn, I’m good!” Then I smile and laugh at myself for bragging and talking to myself.

There are times when I dance around in front of the mirror. There are times I belt out power ballads with my imaginary microphone. Imaginary band and backup dancers are there too.

Do you ever do the mock cooking show when you are home alone? Do you chat with the camera and the folks out there in TV land as you chop and dice and simmer and stir? Do you talk about butter in your best Paula Deen accent?

Do you ever talk back to the television or radio? Do you use different voices and say things that amuse yourself? When I say talk back, I mean as in conversation, not in anger. Use your power for goodwill, not complaining. Sure, I know fellas who yell at the TV during sporting events but that is not exactly a fun way to cut stress. We want to reduce our blood pressure by being a little silly.

When you drive in your car, do you sing out loud? Do you stop when you come to the stoplight and others might see you? Why? Would what happen? Would they laugh? Isn’t that okay? Think about it. Whenever I see someone jamming to his tunes it makes me grin. I have conducted the unseen orchestra in my car and I know the folks next to me thought I was a little kooky but it made them smile.

Inject a bit of whimsy into your day, whether you spend it alone or with others. Be yourself, your silly self. See what kind of chain reaction occurs.

When I have a good call or get a new client or some new opportunity comes along, I shake my tail feather in my office and skip around chanting “I love my life” in a singsong voice. It makes me feel good. Feeling good begets more feeling good. You’ll notice that too, in whatever way you feel good.

Simply relax and allow yourself to be playful. Do I have the talent to sing or dance professionally? Nope. I am not auditioning for anyone but me. There is no panel of judges giving me nice platitudes or mean advice. I have no desire to cook in front of others. I have no real desire to cook at all. Most of the time my lunch is leftovers or a microwave meal. I plate it nicely and say out loud, “What a lovely meal.” I toast myself and the day and open a magazine to be my lunchtime companion. It makes me happy.

What makes you happy? What makes you smile? Let it come out to play every once in a while and see if you start feeling a lighter. My bet is that you will. Let me know and we can do a happy dance together.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach. Get Kelly’s free ebook “7 Ways to Happy Right Now” at www.joybeyondyourdreams.com.)